Reading Reviews for Playing for Keeps
  
31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by potterfan310 A Drink With the Devil

9th September 2014:
I'm back, haha :p

Bless James, I get the feeling he isn't going to get the hang of pool at all. Unless it's all just a rouse to spend time with Anne, however right now I doubt that but who knows maybe he'll do something like that in the future.

Boy oh boy, James is full of questions isn't he?

I knew it, lol. Her dad is the one whose a muggle! Yes James is a mummy's boy just like I hoped.

I feel for Anne, I do. Having to sit there with James, knowing everything that has happened in their past and having to try and push past it is it any one she's both skeptical that he wants to know her and sarcastic.

James' secret is definitely adding to my curiosity, especially since he admitted he's in gambling trouble and he could go to Azkaban for whatever it is. How is it that he doesn't recognises her?! I love the whole mystery and suspense but it's killing me :p

For having never been in a pub, you've wrote it well! Love that Manny slides the drinks down the bar :D

I honestly can't wait to see how James and Anne's relationship play out. Especially if the truth about what James did to her comes out, or if he remembers. It's going to be very interesting!

Looking forward to the next one.

-Potterfan310

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Review #2, by BookDinosaur A Drink With the Devil

8th September 2014:
AH HAI MALLORY! And wah, thank you for dedicating this chapter to me! Even though at the time I was shamefully behind reviewing this lovely story. ;) BUT HEY THIS TIME I GOT FIRST REVIEW!! :D

Ahh, James did change his mind about pool! I'm kind of glad, I want them to get along because I ship them already. >:D The way he tried to get to know her after their lesson was so nice, although I haven't forgiven him for torturing poor Annie so much while they were still at Hogwarts. I definitely do understand what you were complaining about in the NaNo cabin though, when you said James was being unnecessarily sweet and turning his personality around, haha!

Aw yay, I'm so glad that her dad was nice to her and that an parent in her life was nice to her because her mum and her sister sound as though they were pretty nasty to poor Annie. It's funny that the guys in the village wouldn't play unless he shot left-handed, I'm surprised nobody in The Snoozing Dog thought to tell that to Annie!

Ooh, and James gets into deeper trouble! Of course it's Freddy making the bet with James, I wonder whether that will cause Annie any trouble later in her work life? :/ I hope Freddy doesn't find out that she's the one tutoring James.

AlthoughAzkaban?? That's harsh, what on earth could James have done to land himself in that kind of trouble? Gosh Mallory, stop with the suspense already! *unhappy* You're too good at this.

One thing I noticed: when Annie said pool is fifty percent skill, thirty percent math, twenty-five percent concentration, and five percent luck,” I don't know whether she meant it or not, but that adds up to 110%. ;) Just thought I'd point it out, although if it was intentional and I missed a joke then feel free to ignore this. :P

Gah, James doesn't have a very good memory, does he? I mean, he knew her and they were in the same year, he should remember Annie. Now I'm all angry at him again, humph. But then gah, he was so cute and awkward at the end of the chapter...I don't know what to make of him, I honestly don't.

Anyway, I loved this chapter, and after catching up on all the ones I missed, I finally get to say update soon! :D

ps. YES FIRST!! :P

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Review #3, by BookDinosaur Ready, Aim, Miss...

8th September 2014:
Hey again! (I ran out of witty greetings, so...a hey is the best you'll get out of me. :P)

Hahaha, Annie can be so cunning! Her lie to Mr Goldblum was very well thought-out and the whole thing about eye contact is so true (I use the technique on teachers to convince them I'm listening...), but at the same time you did bring out the Hufflepuff part in her when she tipped the cabbie because she could sympathise with him and yeah it was just a lovely way to show that not all Puffs are the stereotypical nice people. I also love how you make Hattie a Puff as well, and use her to showcase even more Hufflepuff qualities and yeah you've just done such a great job with their characters!

Ahh, James was so cute with his fear of Muggle transport! And the way he was so determined to learn pool but he didn't think it was a sport and kept insulting it - dearest James, that's only going to make your teacher angry at you. It's like authors insulting validators in their stories: you don't do it, because it's just plain rude.

Aww, Manny seems like such a nice guy! I'm glad that somebody in pool is nice to her rather than just thinking that because she's a girl she can't play pool or something like that. Hannah Longbottom seems lovely as well, it's nice to know that even if her mother's nasty, Annie does have some positive adult figures in her life. :)

Bahaha, while Annie was trying to teach James pool she honestly sounded like McGonagall. Potter, I doubt that you’re in a life-or-death situation. Pool is rarely that intense. I mean, she's giving off direct McGonagall vibes there. ;) What does she mean, she's not a good teacher?! She'd be a great teacher. :P

And good on Annie as well, telling James off when he started acting all spoilt and childish. Tell it to him like it is, Miss Eight! By the way, I absolutely love that nickname for her. It seemed natural enough and not completely weird, and the origin for it was perfect actually I loved it. :)

Your word choices and prose was perfect as usual, and this was such a brill chapter! One to go before I'm all caught up. :D

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Review #4, by BookDinosaur The Woes of Working Retail

8th September 2014:
O HAI MALLORY.

Wah, this is so amazing I love it! Even though it was only a bit, we got some insight into Annie's family life, and I feel so sorry fr her because it really doesn't seem like she had the happiest time at home. First her sister, now her mum, I really hope her dad was nice to her when she was younger. :(

Gah, and I absolutely loved that little play on words you came up with about Annie's night lessons, haha! Poor girl, so pressured to find a job and when she did find one it wasn't even something she liked.

I really love Annie as a character, she seems so so realistic and just someone who could honestly bump into me one day. Her voice is so defined and her character is brilliant throughout the story and I'm really looking forward to seeing more about how she reacts to the inevitable awful situations that are going to crop up for her here, especially regarding her insecurities. >:D

Ahhh, and we get to see James. :D Ahh, I love how at first he was all smooth and stuff and then with one laugh from her his facade kind of crumbles and he becomes more awkward again. Threatening her was pretty nasty though, and I think that it was a bit of bullying - she did agree to teach him, though, so I'm interested to see how that goes. :D

And why is Tuesday night going to be special? What's so special about The Snoozing Dog? Gah, need to go read more. This was a fab chapter, Mallory!

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Review #5, by BookDinosaur Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

8th September 2014:
HI HI HI SORRY

I hate having no wifi. :( But on the bright side, I'm here now! I have three hours and a bit left on the internet because this place limits my Internet usage, but I can shoot off a couple of reviews in three hours, right? Right. (APH, NO FAIR!)

Wah, this chapter was amazing! I loved loved loved all the exposition you managed to bring in here, and the chapter never really felt boring or clunky amongst all that background description, which is a brilliant feat, so congrats on that!

Ahh, WE HAVE A NAME! Portia...I don't know, Portia fits her but so does Annie, so you've done a fab job of picking a name there. I feel so bad for her now, though - how on earth could her sister and James bully her enough that she feels ashamed of her own name? It's such an integral part of you and gah that's so mean of them. :(

Ooh yay and we get a Best Friend as well! This chapter is shedding loads of light on things. :D Even though we haven't seen her a lot and this is really our first time meeting her, Hattie already seems like such a real character and person and you've done a brilliant job making her come alive. Her friendship with Annie seems so realistic too, the way they sort of bonded because Hattie took Annie's side and how they got closer from there and how they're so different but alike too - it reminds me of a friend I had before moving, she was the social bird and I was Awkward Potato and she was such a lovely person who was always reaching out to others and someone who you just couldn't hate, that was so so relatable Mallory. :)

The flow throughout this chapter was really good as well, considering that the thing is broken up into several sections it all flowed really smoothly and none of it felt out of place and yeah, this was just such a fab chapter!

I can't badger you to update soon because you have (gah, hate having no wifi) so I'll say off to the next chapter!

ps. Aph, I still maintain that it wasn't fair! I had no wifi...*grumble* :P

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Review #6, by potterfan310 Ready, Aim, Miss...

8th September 2014:
Me again!

They're friendship makes me smile so much! The two of them are brilliant when they're together. A date? Well I guess it is a way, even if it is with James and Anne doesn't really want to be there.

Ahh so she's a half blood? I'm thinking maybe it's her mother who is a witch and her father, a muggle. Since in the previous chapter she said her mother wanted to her have a respectable job.

Aww bless, out of everything James is scared of muggle transport. HA! Your characterisation of him gets better and better, definitely not what I'm used to but I like :D

Good on her, telling James like it is and where to go if he doesn't want to learn. Haha, bless James. I'm definitely intrigued as what will happen between the pair now!

One thing: Most taxi's here are black rather than yellow. London is pretty much full of them, yellow ones are pretty uncommon unless you're thinking of the New York ones?

Looking forward to the next one!

-Potterfan310
Sophie :)

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Review #7, by potterfan310 The Woes of Working Retail

8th September 2014:
Me again :)

I love Annie, I think every chapter there's something that makes me love her even more.She's such a great character especially as she has so much depth to her and her background. Plus the fact your breaking the house stereotypes such as Hufflepuff's aren't that great academically but having Hattie ace her tests and things :D

The fact it was Freddy who asked her to work for him, definitely adds to my curiosity. Especially as this means he wasn't involved with James and the bullying perhaps?

I'm sensing parent issues with her mother, maybe. The whole wanting to have a good job. I suspect that will come out a bit more as the story goes on.

Oooh yay James! I was wondering when he would pop back up. Haha, I love that he's on the phone to Ginny and that he tells her, he loves her. I really want him to be a mummy's boy :p I am a hundred per cent curious as to why he cannot recognise her at all from Hogwarts, yet he managed from that one night at the Casio?!

I sort of hated James, now I'm loving him a tad more when he came into the shop, the second time. Haha he's pretty clever so far, working out she's 'The Pool Master' as he's dubbed her. Plus it's cute seeing him blush and get flustered. That and he seems ruthless in a way

It's not a huge thing but one thing I picked up on was the use of the word 'fall' when Annie was explaining about Hattie and her results. I'm assuming it's the season and I have no clue if you're American or British, but the UK rarely use the term 'fall' and call it Autumn.

The pub name XD

Onto the next one! Hopefully it shall be their date, I mean meeting :p

-Potterfan310

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Review #8, by potterfan310 Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

8th September 2014:
Hi!

Ahh we finally have a name!!! Exciting :D I Actually love it and I think her first name suits her kind of, what with her working in a Casino, don't ask about the logic, lol :p

I am so curious as to what the nickname his sister gave her was? Being bulled is never fun, but poor Annie (I assume she goes by this the most?) for being made fun of for her name.

The back story about the two of them, I love. I feel like they both have mutual hate for their names too :p Like them there are major differences between me and my oldest/bestest friend which makes me relate a lot more. I also love that they are both Hufflepuff's rather than any other house.

I can so totally relate to Annie, bless her. I love her so much as a character already!

Ahh so many questions. I'm ever more curious as to Annie's background, especially everything that went down with James. I could be wrong but I'm guessing that maybe Annie has changed her appearance maybe, which is why James doesn't recognise her.

Off to the next one!!

-Potterfan310

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Review #9, by rosiful Ready, Aim, Miss...

8th September 2014:
I really like this story so far! I'm already hooked and looking forward to future updates!

I am beyond curious as to what will happen when James finds out who she really is..

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Review #10, by Chivalrous Ready, Aim, Miss...

6th September 2014:
I love this! Your word choice is on point and I adore Anne. Please post soon. xx Chivalrous

Author's Response: Aw, you're so sweet! :)

Don't worry--chapter six is in the queue and it should be out within the next few days. I would love for you to keep reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts about it as well!

Thanks so much!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #11, by Paddlewaddle Ready, Aim, Miss...

5th September 2014:
This story has got me pretty hooked... but one question... why is the main pairings/ship listed as Scorose when they seem to have very little to do with this story? :S I'm not sure if they come into this story later, or whether it was just a mistake...

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad that I've got you hooked on my story! :D

In answer to your question: No, Rose/Scorpius is not going to be a very major ship in this story. However, they will make an appearance in much later chapters, so I listed them because of that. Never fear! And their relationship might surprise you if you stick around long enough (I hope so, at least!).

Thanks so much for your review! It totally made my day to know that you like my story so far. :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #12, by True Author Shooting Star, After Midnight

4th September 2014:
Wow, nothing excites me more than a real good mystery with just the right atmosphere. :D And let me say that the way you set this all up is just PERFECT.

The casino, an attractive girl and the pool table? That's a brilliant set up for a mystery novel. And you described it all using just the right words. You haven't revealed much about the plot or about your main character, but this chapter certainly lures the reader to the next. :)

Great job! Will be back to find out more! Was here for the Ravenclaw review battle. :)

Ashwini

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Review #13, by Rumpelstiltskin Shooting Star, After Midnight

2nd September 2014:
Hey there :).

The first, and most obvious, element that I love is the atmosphere that the story conveys. I love that 50s, Monroe-era feel that this is giving off. The way that you've tied in the casino-life with the wizarding world is very entertaining. In fact, this era is actually very enticing for me, so I was very excited from the beginning.

The main character, of course, fits perfectly into this setting. Dancing on stage, and hustling games of pool -- she just emphasizes that atmosphere in this that I love so much. And she can really play well (meaning that she's perfect for hustling). I kind of feel bad for the guy that she tricks, but, hey, it's all the more fun. I also really enjoyed that she acknowledged herself as a showoff ;).

This was really well written, and I love the mystery in the end of this chapter. I wonder who is lurking in the shadows, and if her night being over was referring to more pool, or something else.

Great job, and thanks for the swap!

-Rumpel

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Review #14, by Lululuna Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

2nd September 2014:
Yay, she has a name!! Well, she's gone by a few different names, by the sounds of things. It makes me so sad that she was bullied to the extent that she hates and is ashamed of something as genuine as her name - it's just awful. Right now I'm hoping that she never forgives James and just gets some solid revenge on him, frankly. He seems horrible, though I suppose that people do grow up and change.

I liked all the backstory with Hattie and the roots of their friendship, though one detail I thought was great was how Hattie did have other friends and how Annie felt neglected and jealous when she did. It fits well with Hattie's personality that she could have multiple friends at once, and I thought Annie's feelings of jealousy made her more relatable. As confident as she is when playing pool, she clearly has a lot of faults, like not being good at magic and being so shy and closed off from others.

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream as well! It's the best flavour other than MAYBE blueberry.

I'm still loving this, and even though you've answered some questions I'm still longing for answers. What happened with her sister? What exactly did James do and why doesn't he recognize her? What's the wager with Freddy? Guess I'll have to just keep reading!! :D

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Review #15, by Lululuna A Face From the Past

2nd September 2014:
Back again! :D

Ahh, I knew it was James since you mentioned his hazel eyes. :P Hehe. Gah, he seems like such a fascinating character but I dislike him because the main character (what's HER name?!!) hates him and has clearly held a grudge which I don't blame her for. At first I thought that he maybe physically abused her while at Hogwarts and felt really sad, but emotional bullying is still quite awful as well.

I liked how much emphasis was put on the power of names in this chapter. The impact of James' name and how much it defines him, to the extent that he'll do anything to protect it. The narrator's name and how it could be turned against her and how if he knew it, it would turn the power back to him: it's fascinating, and reminds me a bit of fairy tales where knowing somebody's name gives power.

I love, once again, how there's a contrast between her body and her spirit. I loved the line about her spirit not being able to break like glass in contrast to her body being only the surface: it seems like her body protects her spirit, guarding her false exterior from her true interior. She's so interesting, and I love all the literary contrasts of her character.

So it sounds like James and Freddy made some sort of wager? Sneaky underworld casino Freddy is really exciting to me as well, I hope we get to meet him at some point. :P

Another great chapter, Mallory!! :D I'll for sure be back sooner rather than later.

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Review #16, by Lululuna Shooting Star, After Midnight

2nd September 2014:
Hi Mallory!!! :)

Wow, this story is so unique and cool! First of all, I completely fell in love with the first paragraph. The writing and the descriptions of the casino are both beautiful and poetic but also have this... almost tough, gritty quality to it, as if there's darkness and decay lurking underneath all the glitz and glamour.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about the main character not being named, but I think it worked in building up the mystery and really making me want to read the next chapter. Although I have no clue who she is and what her story is I love what we've got of her so far: how clever and sly she is, how she manipulates men while being disgusted by their need to subordinate her even though this allows her to dupe them. She seems to both lean on and resent her sensuality and sexual power over him, which carries some really interesting messages about gender roles in society and how women function and confront these gender roles. I'm excited to read more about this and how the character both uses and abuses her gendered sexuality.

This positioning of the next gen characters like Freddy gives a new maturity and dark side to the wizarding world and their regular portrayals in fanfiction. Coupled with your beautiful writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of this story and learning more about the casino and the mysterious characters! :) Great job, lovely!! :)

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Review #17, by Aphoride The Woes of Working Retail

26th August 2014:
Hi Mallory! :) As soon as I saw this I had to stop by - ah, I'm so addicted to this story, haha.

I lovelovelove Anne. She's such a real character - and I know I keep saying this, but it's so true. She just seems like someone I could genuinely meet in real life and I love that! I love how she had the parent issues - with her mother wanting perfection, and a 'respectable' job and being a conwoman doesn't really cut it... and Anne having to keep up the facade with the shop job, despite it all. Pretty unfair on her, you know, having to work two jobs just so her mum can say 'oh, she does this'... that said, I loved the sass she had and the little sort of pun/joke thing about the night classes - that was so good! So clever, as well! :D It also kinda shows that the persona she has in the Shooting Star isn't totally not her, as well, that she isn't always so self-conscious as she is in the shop.

I loved the discussion of house stereotypes as well - how most people assumed Hufflepuffs weren't very bright and always cheerful and things. It was such a strangely thoughtful, deep sort of statement to make, which says so much about the character.

Her boss is so... rude! I feel a bit sorry for him, with the forced early retirement and all, it must be hard, but there's no real reason for him to be so, kinda, rude to her about things... and always presume she isn't working... I mean, if he thinks she's rubbish at the job, why is she still there? Ah well, hopefully he's not so bad, really! :P

James, James, James. I was really, really hoping he turned up in this chapter, coz it was about time he found her and started putting things together (though he still doesn't seem to have any clue as to who she is regarding The Ghost of Hogwarts Past situation) :P Gah, he's so funny! I love how he tries to be all smooth and then it sort of breaks and he gets flustered and things... it's such a oddly sweet trait for him to have. Though the threat to stick his hand to the counter so she'd have to stay there with him until she agreed was pretty mean - especially when he knew her boss wouldn't let her go, as well. But I guess with the blackmail and the bet and all, he must be pretty desperate. Mm... not sure whether I feel sorry or not for him yet... we'll see ;)

Your writing, as always, is gorgeous. Your word choice is amazing and Anne's voice is so clear, it's lovely! :)

Also, that's totally her nickname now - The Pool Master :D

Great chapter, of course, and I look forward to the next one! :D (Also, you updated this so fast... like wha? :P)

Aph xx

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Review #18, by Dirigible_Plums The Woes of Working Retail

26th August 2014:
It's different from what I usually see to be honest so I think I'm gonna stick around :P

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for stopping in to tell me that! I hope that you keep reading and that it stays interesting enough for you! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #19, by Aphoride Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

24th August 2014:
FIRST REVIEW, FIRST REVIEW, FIRST REVIEW! :D (I really hope this is the first review, haha)

Okay, so I'm really, really falling in love with this story. It's just... addictive. Ironic it's set in a casino, haha.

*coughs* Anyway, I loved this chapter - the exposition back to the past, showing her being bullied by James Potter, revealing her name (poor girl...), introducing The Best Friend... it's just so good. And, you know, flashbacks can be awkward things to lug around (I'm so bad at them, haha) but you just manage them so well. They seem to fit in so easily and so naturally - as did all of the different sections. It just flowed, despite the breaks, and it was so, so lovely to read.

Portia (Annie? I'm assuming Annie is preferred) is such a wonderful character. I loved the development of her here, with the bullying and her optimism that it was a one-off incident with The Ghost of Hogwarts Past, and how she's fairly relaxed in spite of it happening. I like that - not everyone remains really worked up about things, you know? And it shows a nice, softer side to her after the casino chapters.

Side note: one of my sisters has a friend called Portia. She doesn't use her first name, either :P I couldn't help but think of her when reading this.

Hattie seems such a great character, too. I loved the little insights into her, and how she seems like such a genuinely nice person. You know, that person in school you just can't hate at all... that one. Her. :P Yeah, I love that - some people are just like that, reaching out to others who are upset and helping them and taking their side. I also liked how she seems a little bit... neurotic, I guess? :P With the flailing of arms and all... their friendship was just so real, though, the way you wrote it - it was just obvious they were best friends. So good!

As always, your word choice is amazing. I really loved 'nebulous' and how you used the more childish kinda vocabulary for when they were eleven years old - 'big, dumb meanie'. It's little things like that which really make something come alive, and it was just so, so good. I keep saying that, but it's true! The details in here as well, are amazing, like the story about the magic marker dragonpox spots (I kinda wanna know that story now! :P) and the mint chocolate ice cream (which was also such lovely description!)...

Your writing is so good. And so many cliffhanger-type things. So many questions! I really wanna know what happens when she sees James next! Does he come to the casino again? How does he persuade her? What will Hattie think of that? Gah, this hasn't been the most action-packed chapter, but it didn't need to be, because the mystery and the curiosity is still there.

So yeah, I still love this story, and, as always, I want you to update already :P (Sorry? ;D)

Aph xx

p.s. haha, Emily! First review! :D Yay! *cheers* (Sorry... :P)

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Review #20, by milominderbinder Shooting Star, After Midnight

20th August 2014:
Hiya! I'm here from the Ravenclaw review battle!

Wow, I REALLY loved this. I pretty much just chose the most recent thing on your author's page to review without thinking about it, so the awesomeness of this kind of took me by surprise!

This is such an original idea, which is something that you don't find so much in next gen stories. I had never even thought of the possibility of a wizarding casino before!

You captured the atmosphere perfectly. It all felt so tense, glamorous somehow with with a dark side. Your description of the game was great - sometimes when describing a game like this people slip into, like, 'and then i hit the ball and then i hit another ball and then i won', but you wrote it in such an interesting way, you could really feel the weight of each shot, and were eager to see the outcome.

I also love how your character uses her femininity against the guy. That'll teach him to get cocky just because she's a woman! She totally played it up right to the end, which I think is great. Women using misogyny to their advantage is always amazing to me, ahaha.

Overall I loved this, and I love your writing style! Well done!

~Maia

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Review #21, by Veritaserum27 Shooting Star, After Midnight

18th August 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for the BvB! This is such a great concept for a story - and you executed it soo well!

Things that were awesome: I really love the idea of a Wizarding Casino. I can't imagine how you came up with this, but it is positively brilliant! You're descriptions at the beginning really drew me in and I was instantly engrossed in the scene and the story. I'm interested to know more about this main character, who she is and how she came upon this "career." I wonder if she is a character from canon or an entirely new character. Hmmm.

Things that were really, really awesome: The description of the actual game of pool was amazing. I was able to follow it easily and you built up the scene with the description of each shot. I also really loved the nuances. For example, the fact that the main character seemed to describe the fact that she was always completely in control of the situation - which seemed to fit her personality, but she works for Freddy Weasley - so she isn't entirely in control, since she apparently must answer to him. I loved that you kept his personality enigmatic. We aren't sure just yet if Freddy is friend or foe.

I caught one typo - this line reads:

The one that remained was the most crucial, and he leered at me as he angles his body in the perfect position to knock it home.

I think you might mean 'angled' instead of 'angles.' Other than that, I didn't see any other typos or errors.

I also loved the cliffhanger. It was the perfect end to this first chapter. Great job - so excited to hear that you have several chapters waiting to go. Great job with such an original idea!

Beth

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Review #22, by potterfan310 A Face From the Past

13th August 2014:
HI!

Oooh it was JAMES!! YAY! I have a huge soft spot for James Sirius but right now I want to shake him. It's so sad that he has no recollection of her after playing a huge part in her life, at Hogwarts I'm guessing? I feel for her so much, having once been in a similar position.

The way she kept her cool around him was perfect and their interactions were very interesting.

One thing I absolutely adore are your descriptions! They are literally perfect and I have a scene set out in my head from them.

My my James is just a tad arrogant isn't he. Such a shame that he has a pretty face but not so pretty personality.

HA! I love her revenge on her, so perfect. She is definitely headstrong and I love her personality so much. But the one thing which is killing me, is that we don't know her name!!!

Having to ask her for help makes James seem a little harmless but if his past with the girl is anything, I think it's going to come back to haunt him. I am so curious about this bet he has made and why he specifically chose her to help him to learn pool. So it's one of his cousins whose bet against him, hmm I want to say Freddie since he is the girls boss but then again it could easily be one of the others.

I think I'm in love with this because its so unusual and pretty much one hundred per cent such a unique story and I can't wait to see how it all plays out. Whether we will indeed find out her name and whether she will help James or not.

Looking forward to the next one!

-Potterfan310
Sophie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Yep, it's old Jamesie!! I've always had a huge crush on Albus Potter (for no reason), but for this story, it just seemed right to write about James. He's a bit of an idiot, and as seen through the eyes of my MC, he's a bit of a devil. He did play a huge part in her Hogwarts days, but all of that will come later. :) Ooh, that sucks that you've been in a similar situation, but I hope that this is no longer the case for you anymore.

Yep, she's a cool character (or so I'd like to think!). She's just a little bit snarky and totally unwilling to put up with James's nonsense. I'm so glad you love my descriptions! I always try to set the scene so that you can picture it in your head. It's so good to read that my attempts are working!

He is so arrogant. And also not arrogant, because he's got to humble himself to ask her to teach him how to play pool! He's quite an interesting character to write. :)

Yep--she is unnamed until the next chapter! Mwahahaha! I love her revenge on him, too. She's going to show him that he can't always get what he wants from everyone.

James is not harmless--but his past will definitely play a large part in the story! The bet will come to light in later chapters, but I can tell you that he only chose the MC because he happened to be hanging around the Shooting Star and noticed her beating the other guy at his own game. :) Freddy... You may or may not be correct. He has a lot of cousins, after all!

Oooh, you're in love with my story?! That's so sweet of you! :D :D :D Gah, your reviews always make my day!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #23, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Shooting Star, After Midnight

11th August 2014:
FOR THE BRONZE/BLUE BATTLE yeah ravens in da house

Well this... was different. Have you watched Avatar: The Last Airbender's "The Runaway"? Well, in this chappie, the MC reminded me of Toph. That's a good thing, btw.

Well, I'm intrigued. Off to read chappie 2, but I'll say it in advance-- update soon!

-Meena

Author's Response: Ravens rule!!

I'm happy to read that you think this is rather different! I didn't want to write something that was just the same as the things that other people write. :) I've never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender, but if comparing my MC to Toph is a good thing, I'll take your word for it!

Thanks for your review--and for reading more! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #24, by Aphoride A Face From the Past

10th August 2014:
Hi Mallory! :D Gah, second review - I will get first next time, I promise! :P

So, I love that this chapter carries straight on from before, but also the way you don't immediately tell us who he is or use his name straight away. It's a little thing, but it adds so much... and I liked how your James isn't a nice, charming, delightful guy. He's a former bully (maybe not one still) and a bit creepy and arrogant and annoying - the kind of guy I wouldn't want to be friends with, you know. But, then you make him so real at the end by him having his own problems and his own fears and difficulties - he's not just mean and arrogant, he also feels afraid and worried and things like that. He's such a good character, even just in this so far. All the little references to him being a Quidditch player and being so smooth in the spotlight and being fawned all over, but then being different out of it... I don't know if this was your intention, but you make me almost feel a bit sorry for him. He's not a nice guy, but that doesn't mean fame isn't hard and it doesn't wear on him like it does on other people. The way you've used fame as well in this is just so good, too :)

So yeah, James is awesome. I loved the developments of your MC, too - though we still don't know her name! Next chapter, please? :P Nah, it's fine, it works so well without having a name, tbh. It's almost more mysterious. I'm almost hoping you keep this up until James finds it out - like it's a kind of thematic-trope type thing in this. It would be so awesome if it was... but, anyway! I love her and the way you've developed her. She's been bullied, but she's stronger. She hasn't forgiven or forgotten, she can hold a grudge, she gets angry, she's rude... gah, she's such a great character! And I really like her - she's so real! :)

Your writing is again so good in this - the mystery is so lovely, so well woven throughout it and the lack of a name for her adds to it so much. Plus, the little bits you give us - which cousin is blackmailing James? Why are they blackmailing him? Why did they choose pool? What really happened at Hogwarts? - are just so tantalising. I want to know! *pouts*

Plus, your word choice in this was amazing. Seriously. I loved the description of 'bacchanalian celebration' and 'recapitulation'. Gah, just so good!

The details - I have to mention that I loved the little mentions of wizarding culture-type thing in this. The Quidditch chat, the comment about how words and names have power and meaning... they're all just so lovely and so atmospheric.

So yes, I am still in love with this story, I am so, so curious to know what's going to happen next and about the bet and whether or not she'll help him, or how he'll persuade her, and just everything! This is really just so good I can't even! :D

I would ask for another update, but I think two updates in two days is a bit cheeky :P

Please write more! :D :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

Hahaha, yes. I seem to have an awful problem of not revealing people's names in my stories... I was glad that I decided to mention that my MC's adversary was James because having too many unnamed characters would just be silly. :D Yep, my MC has had a name from the very beginning, but it doesn't surface until the next chapter. I like to be mysterious!

James is pretty darn awful--or so my MC thinks. After all, he was very terrible to her in the past, so she has all of these preconceived notions about him. He may or may not have changed since his Hogwarts days. :) Fame is hard to deal with (I think. I've never been famous), and I would like to think that while my version of James will smile for the cameras, he doesn't totally enjoy basking in the spotlight. He's a little less pigheaded than that, if only slightly.

I really like to leave people asking questions after each chapter ends! That just means that you'll keep reading and reviewing, right? :) James has a lot of cousins--who knows which one is blackmailing him? And the reasoning is slightly weird and complex (or so I'd like to think...). As for the explanation about Hogwarts... That maybe comes in during chapter seventeen or so (because I haven't written the chapter yet, I can't say for sure!).

Thank you so, so much! I really love the word "bacchanalian." It's fun to spell and the connotations are so interesting. Ooh, atmosphere! I'm so glad that you picked up on some of those elements. I would hate to think that I wrote a setting that has no personality of its own--it's always fun to have some interesting details!

Ooh, in love?! With my story?!?! No way! asfjalksdjfl;ksadf... That is so sweet! I'm in love with your stories too, as you know--and I can't even with this review. :wub: (Wouldn't it be great if that could be an emoji?)

Don't worry about getting first review--it just makes me happy that you review! :D

~Mallory


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Review #25, by BookDinosaur A Face From the Past

10th August 2014:
YES FIRST!! xD :D

Ahh, I've been in a plane for seven hours and then a car for eight, and then I come on here and see that you've updated and it's just YAYAY!! :D It's so nice to come onto HPFF to see that you updated. :D

Squeeing aside, so YES JAMES. IT WAS JAMES. That interaction was so interesting! And we still don't know your OC's name. Is that intentional? It's sort of sad, honestly, how he doesn't remember her at all even though he had such a huge impact on her life in such a negative way. And how he seemed to tke his fame and fangirls and people doing everything he wants for granted, he did come off as spoilt. *shakes head* Oh James.

So it's a bet he needs her help for? Doesn't it always start with a bet? :P Although I'm very interested in this cousin who's betted with James. I'm guessing it's Freddy, and then if/when James convinces your OC to teach him it'll lead to a plot twist. >:D But I should probably leave the writing to you, Mallory, you're the author here. :P

I really loved how she was able to have her revenge on James though, and I do get the feeling that she'll be wanting to mke his life even more miserable after this. xD James seems harmless enough now, although what he might do to get his pool lessons sort of alarms me. And it'll be super interesting to see whether or not James finds out about why she's refusing to teach him and what he might do to try and convice her and ahh I just want the next chapter now Mallory wah *cries*

Your writing style is just so lovely, honestly, you have so much description in here but at the same time it's not really bogging down the storyline or their interaction. But then somehow you manage to slip in tiny details - like the way James pushes up his glasses when he's nervous - but at the same time you're keeping us in the dark about stuff we need to know like your OC's nme and it makes for an interesting and frustrating combination. :P I don't think that made much sense, but moving on.

Anyway, I don't really have that much more to say about this chapter because you're so good at keeping me in the dark, Miss Mystery, so I'm going to finish up this review with the often-repeated phrase of: please, please update soon, Mallory!

Author's Response: Hahaha, oh my goodness. This review still makes me laugh. :)

You are so, so nice for reviewing my story even after all of your world travelling! Thank you so much! It really made my day to get on HPFF and see this review--you're so lovely, honestly.

Yes, of course it's JAMES! Any interaction with him is bound to be interesting, just because he's a person that my OC assumes a lot of things about--not all are necessarily true. Yes, her name won't be revealed until chapter three, muhahaha! I liked preserving her anonymity because she definitely has a name, and it will become a major part of the story. Yep, James was awful to my OC, and she can't forgive him for it. Why should she? He was the King of Hogwarts, and he reveled in the attention. Why would he remember someone as lowly as she was?

Well, that'll change eventually, as these things usually do. >:D

It always, always starts with a bet. And he's landed himself in some very deep mud here. You may or may not have guessed correctly--no spoilers! :D Oooh... I should think about plot twists... As of right now, everything is going as predicted--but that could always change. :)

James will stop at nothing to get a pool lesson. He's a desperate man. And I don't think the next chapter does anything to answer any of the questions that James has about my OC's reluctance to teach him, but the chapter after that is certainly enlightening. :D Don't cry! There are three more chapters up now!

Thank you thank you thank you! I always feel like I don't include enough detail, and then when I pay attention to detail, I feel like I forget the action part of the story. So it makes me happy that you think it's lovely! :) And I love keeping people in the dark with things! >:)

Thank you thank you thank you!!! I seriously love your reviews. *hugs*

~Mallory


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