Reading Reviews for The Most Beautiful Flower
  
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Review #1, by TidalDragon The Most Beautiful Flower

5th August 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to fill your review request!

To begin with, I thought you started strong. The concept of James and Lily's funeral is not one I've seen explored in a fic before (especially as a starting point) so it was interesting to see you go there. Even more interesting was that the piece wound of being from Snape's perspective.

I thought you captured Snape well, from his thoughts to his feelings to his observations. Fittingly, he is heavily focused on Lily, but as in canon, it is impossible for him to ignore his own issues and hatreds in the process.

I see from your request that you're interested in more readers. Speaking from experience, I'll say that you're not terribly likely to get an enormous amount of readers on a one-shot. This is largely down to the fact that many people pick out one-shots only from the 'recently added' so if yours gets missed then, most likely your later readers are going to come from those who visit your Author's Page (meaning people from the forums or people who have read and enjoyed other things you've written and come looking for more).

That said, if you are looking for areas to improve generally, I'd look at two things. First (and this is minor, but stands out to readers nevertheless), be careful with plural possessives. I first noticed it in "Potter's" at the top. You're referring to "the Potters" collectively as a family, so the appropriate usage is "Potters' ". Second, inject strong, evocative language. This is obviously an emotional piece. You want the words you choose to convey those emotions to be powerful and detailed. Combine them with descriptions of setting, appearance, demeanor, etc. for maximum effect.

Hope this review was helpful! Feel free to PM with any questions!

Author's Response: Thank you! I totally forgot about the Potter's/Potters' rule, so thanks so much for reminding me. Tips are always welcome. :)

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