Reading Reviews for The Most Beautiful Flower
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx The Most Beautiful Flower

25th April 2015:
Hello, here for our swap!

That was heart-wrenching and beautiful. There was such raw emotion in this and I love how you've brought it out through your descriptions. I really like the way you've characterized Snape in this, and his emotions immediately after Lily's death. He's a difficult, complex character to write and you've done a really good job here.

I like how there's that critical air of his even when he's grieving. He scorns the funeral and himself for his mistakes, he realizes that past grudges didn't really matter, and the impact when he realized that Lily's gone for good was just so powerful.

You've integrated those little parts of his life in the coming years brilliantly. The fic flowed really well and you've managed to convey a whole myriad of strong emotions here. The only suggestion I have is to maybe linger on each of the sections and describe the feelings a bit more. Instead of telling readers that he felt in these particular ways, make them feel it as well.

Overall, this was a really beautiful one-shot and i'm so glad i read it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you, and thank you again for the tips! :D

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Review #2, by HeyMrsPotter The Most Beautiful Flower

8th April 2015:
Hello, I'm here (a bit late!) for our swap. I chose this story because it had the fewest reviews, plus I'm a sucker for angst!

I think you have a really unique concept for a story here. I've read a lot of stories centered around Snape's grief after Lily's death, but never specifically their funeral. I think you did his character justice, especially the parts about his childhood, it made for a really beautiful tragic theme throughout. A very poignant one-shot! I particularly liked the paragraph with the comparison between roses and lilies.

Thanks for the swap.

Dee :)

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! I really love exploring the relationship between these two characters, there's so much tragic history with them. Snape is one of my favorite characters, so it's always fun writing for him. There are just far too many layers, and I honestly don't understand people who don't see how fascinating that is!

I'm really happy that it seems I was able to get this right and convey what I was going for. Thanks so much for taking the time to read. :)


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Review #3, by TidalDragon The Most Beautiful Flower

5th August 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to fill your review request!

To begin with, I thought you started strong. The concept of James and Lily's funeral is not one I've seen explored in a fic before (especially as a starting point) so it was interesting to see you go there. Even more interesting was that the piece wound of being from Snape's perspective.

I thought you captured Snape well, from his thoughts to his feelings to his observations. Fittingly, he is heavily focused on Lily, but as in canon, it is impossible for him to ignore his own issues and hatreds in the process.

I see from your request that you're interested in more readers. Speaking from experience, I'll say that you're not terribly likely to get an enormous amount of readers on a one-shot. This is largely down to the fact that many people pick out one-shots only from the 'recently added' so if yours gets missed then, most likely your later readers are going to come from those who visit your Author's Page (meaning people from the forums or people who have read and enjoyed other things you've written and come looking for more).

That said, if you are looking for areas to improve generally, I'd look at two things. First (and this is minor, but stands out to readers nevertheless), be careful with plural possessives. I first noticed it in "Potter's" at the top. You're referring to "the Potters" collectively as a family, so the appropriate usage is "Potters' ". Second, inject strong, evocative language. This is obviously an emotional piece. You want the words you choose to convey those emotions to be powerful and detailed. Combine them with descriptions of setting, appearance, demeanor, etc. for maximum effect.

Hope this review was helpful! Feel free to PM with any questions!

Author's Response: Thank you! I totally forgot about the Potter's/Potters' rule, so thanks so much for reminding me. Tips are always welcome. :)

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