Reading Reviews for Vision
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CaramelDiamant ~CHAPTER TWO HOMIES~

30th May 2015:
I'm really on a roll today :)

Whoops, I totally forgot that Rena is a seer! Glad, you brought that up in time, so I could remember!

I'm not a big fan of introductions, but I think you made it fun to read because of the name-thing you invented. Having them all mention their middle-names works here quite well!

So far, this is my favorite chapter of the story :)
The interaction of Fred and Rena seems natural, although I'm not sure about the thoughts on words at the beginning. Maybe shorten it to one word she is thinking about?

I like, how you actually question how all of the Wotters are sooo attractive. I mean, they're all attractive in your story as well, but I've read a lot of fics, where it isn't even questioned and ALL of them are just beautiful, handsome and muscular. If everyone is flawless and even has the perfect personality, it just gets boring after a while!

Author's Response: Haha, indeed you are! Sometimes I forget that Rena's a seer! I'm glad you like the interaction between Fred and Rena, I like to think of them as a good brotp haha :) and yeah, I've read tons of fics about them being good looking but nobody really questions why? I mean, I'm totally behind that headcannon (attractive fictional characters are mucho good!) but it does seem a bit odd haha :) I don't know if I'll ever get around to updating this but all your reviews are certainly appreciated!! Thank you muchly!!

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Review #2, by CaramelDiamant ~CHAPTER UNO, NOT DOS, JUST UNO~

30th May 2015:
*Put, put little boxie*

Okay, I really like fluff! But I'll start at the beginning:

For me, I actually like if we get a look into the protagonist's head. So that's a plus! But I think you overused it a bit at the start.
Some ramble about how you don't like your own name is fine, but if you do it on more than 3-5 sentences it makes me think, you, as the writer, are not sure if that's the right name for you character! I would just cut it and add some lines to the part in the dialogue with Fred, where it seems more natural!

I like the fact, that you made your character a writer, it's just personal preference, but I think it's great material to work with. You could for example add a line, where the fictional charcter of your character (wow, that feels sure like Inception!) says "My name is xxx, but I don't like it" and then we spring back to the 'real' character in this story, who says: Oh no, wait, that's me.
You get, what I'm saying ;)

I recently discovered a thread on the forums, where someone said, they get furious about the fact, that next-gen Fred appears to be white, although Angelina is black. It's just a suggestion but you might want to reconsider the fact, if you want your characters to stay canon.

I quite enjoyed the interaction between Lauren/ Rena and Fred, especially, how we get to know, why she is called Rena. I always have the need for some cool background and you just lay it out there for to me to frolic on :D

And lastly I noticed some time changes throughout your story. At first, we stay in present tense or present progressiv, while we're in Rena's head. The dialogue parts are written in past tense, and I think the sentence "Itíll all be back to normal tomorrow" should be "It would all be back to normal tomorrow." But I'm not sure with that one, it just sprung to my mind.

All in all, I enjoyed this chapter, as I said, I'm always in for fluff! And I hope you'll be someday working on this story again :)

Author's Response: Hi!! I'm glad you liked this chapter! That's a good idea with the whole character's character thing (kind of confusing though haha :)) As for Fred, I think of him with the same skin tone as Angelina, though, seeing as this is a really old story, I might have changed it then. But yeah, in my head Fred's got dark skin (though still some freckles) and his hair's sort of got a tint of red to it though it's black or a very, very dark brown :) haven't read over Vision in a while, so maybe I'll go back and check what I've written! Haha, I get the thing about backstories! And yeah, tenses are not my best thing ever haha :) thanks again!

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Review #3, by CaramelDiamant Prologue

30th May 2015:
Hello there red_rue!

As I'd promised myself to leave more reviews, here you go :):

I really felt for James in this chapter! I think you did very well in depicting him in an dark, brooding mood, without describing him with too many adjectives. Rather you focused on how others perceived him, which I like way better. Maybe you could have added a little more dialogue at the beginning, where everyone comes to him to try and get him to talk. That way you could have cut some of Lucy's talk, because you described her as not very outspoken.

Also I'd have liked some indication of time. So, how long has he been grieving? Or how long has this mysterious Rena been ill...

But anyway you left us with a nice cliffy and I'll read further on, to solve this mystery!
Cheers

Author's Response: Why hello! I'm very excited to see someone reviewing this story! I'm glad you liked it! But yes, I do have some struggles with tense :) I wrote this one a while ago, so it's not really my best work (lol) but yeah, if I ever go back and edit it (I'm kind of writing a new story now haha) then I'll for sure use your feedback! :) thanks again!

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Review #4, by iloveboris1 ~CHAPTER TWO HOMIES~

25th March 2015:
I love this story so far!

Author's Response: Oh goodness! Do you really? Well that's great :) I haven't posted much of it, considering that it didn't receive the greatest of recitals, but I'm glad you like it :) I may have to post another chapter then, thanks for reviewing!!

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