Reading Reviews for Death on the First
  
46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Beeezie Chapter Four

11th July 2015:
Ha, I was wondering whether the person Parvati told was Harry. It would definitely make the most sense to me - why would she tell her sister or Seamus? It just seems like they're too closely involved and too close to her to really be guaranteed that the perpetrator would be punished appropriately - it wouldn't be too terribly difficult to kill sisters or a woman and her fiancé together make it look like a burglary or robbery
gone bad or something along those lines. It's a bit harder to kill the Head of the Auror department (which I think you'd indicated that Harry is at this point?) and one of his Aurors, barring a very good duelist. (Very good, to overpower someone Voldemort couldn't properly overpower - and who's had significant training since then, along with Parvati.) I do find it a little curious that the head of the Auror department would go along with a blackmail scheme - it seems like something they really ought to be a stop to - but still, this was really fun and intriguing, and I definitely wasn't expecting to be Pansy. (I don't know who I was suspecting, just not Pansy.) This may have been an experiment for you, but I really enjoyed it and hope you write more like it in the future.

Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hola!

Ah, you were right! I think the problem is that the murderer wasn't exactly thinking straight here - they wouldn't have considered telling someone like Harry, even if they were close to him, because of the trouble that could get them into with the authorities - so that meant that they went about things the wrong way. And yes, I don't think it would have been too difficult for the murderer to kill Parvati and Padma and/or Seamus in a much simpler way - but I think that they have a flair for the dramatic, and a sense that they're going to get away with things - maybe because they have before?

Ah, perhaps I wasn't quite clear in that - I didn't intend for it to seem like Harry was entirely in on the blackmail plot. But in my mind he trusted Parvati and so when she confided in him, he gave her one chance to put everything right, which she was planning on doing that weekend - before things got in the way.

I'm glad you didn't suspect Pansy! I wanted this to have a successful twist and I seem to have managed to keep the real murderer from most people until the end. I'd definitely be really interested in writing something else like this in the future!

Thank you for stopping by and reading and reviewing this story - I really appreciate it! ♥


 Report Review

Review #2, by Beeezie Chapter Three

11th July 2015:
Oh, dear. I'm not sure whether I should like the narrator's snark as much as I do, but I really do. The comment about it being a poor choice to keep victims locked with a potential murderer is perfect. I also find the cold, calculating way the narrator is thinking about this to be really fascinating - on one hand, I can see how the interpretation of people reacting in extreme ways might be trying to cover their tracks could make sense, but at the same time... I don't know. It seems to me that extreme reactions to a very extreme situation are probably not unexpected, and I wonder whether the narrator is digging themself into a hole with his entirely too calm way of dealing with this. I know that some people just shut down in the face of extreme stress, but it seems suspicious to me. When there's too much of an attempt to be helpful in a situation like this, I'd start thinking someone was lying to me. Oooh, I can't wait to see what Parvati knew! Onto the next chapter. :)

Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Author's Response: *rubs hands together evilly*

I'm glad that you're enjoying the narrator's snark - I had so much fun writing this story and getting into their head was probably my favourite part of it. Even though they're not a good person, it was so interesting to write someone who's very detached and cold, orchestrating everything to go their own way.

Haha, your theories on the different ways that people react and whether or not that could affect the outcome are very interesting. Again, you already know what happens at the end of this, but I really like your theories here!

Thank you again for another lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #3, by Beeezie Chapter Two

11th July 2015:
Argh. Forgot to include the HC line in my last review. Well, you're wonderful and deserve many reviews, so whatever.

I love where you took this - it's so dark and intriguing. One of the things that I find really intriguing is that while the narrator is clearly not about to be labeled the sweetest person ever, I don't actually really dislike them, not even knowing that they killed Parvati. Maybe part of it is that I still haven't really figured out their motive for doing so, but while they come off as cold-hearted, they haven't actually said anything super offensive yet. It's all just fairly innocuous commentary and sinister planning, which I find intriguing, and I'm not entirely sure what killed Padma, if it wasn't poison. I can't wait to read on!

A little bit of CC, though: I feel like sometimes, the tags that you're attaching to your dialogue come off a little awkward. It really stuck out to me early in the chapter, where Michael "replies, sighing heavily," and the narrator says something "pretending to be sympathetic" and tells Theo "piously." There are just sometimes adverbs that aren't necessary and weigh down the rest of the narrative, which is wonderful.

Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Oh no, I'm sorry - but thank you for continuing to review anyway!

Hehe, it was so much fun writing this story and getting into the mind of the protagonist (in the most normal way possible, of course!). I haven't had much experience of writing darker, more twisted characters so this one was really fun to write. I'm glad that, in spite of the narrator clearly not being the best person around, you're still interested enough to keep reading and don't just hate them straight away - that was my hope when I was writing this, and I'm glad it seems to have worked!

Oh, thank you for that CC! I'm always happy to receive it and it's been about a year now since I wrote this story or even looked at the chapters properly with a view to editing, so it could definitely do with me going back over it sometime soon. I'll have a look at that when I do because you're probably right - I have a tendency to overuse adverbs, I think :P

Thank you for another lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #4, by BookDinosaur Chapter Four

11th July 2015:
house cup 2015 - ravenclaw

oh my goodness, sian, what a fittingly thrilling last act to this story! so i was wrong about dean the whole time. i can't say i'm sad about it, though, because dean is my favourite and any day that he's not convicted for murder is a good day. now i really want to know who it was that pansy murdered a year ago, and how parvati caught her? you may have to write a prequel oneshot to this, sian :P i think that by not really mentioning three of the suspect, you really managed to keep an air of mystery around the story so that it wasn't as obvious as it might have been. the way you reveal information is so slow, and little things which might not have been important before suddenly do become important, which is exciting and frustrating for the poor innocent reader :P again, this was a really well written story, and the perspective of writing from the murderer's point of view was so fascinating, and you pulled that off amazingly! thank you for writing this lovely story, sian, and putting up with my really badly formatted reviews!

♥ emily

Author's Response: Hi again, Emily!

Ah, you made it to the end - I'm so glad that you enjoyed this story and thought that this final chapter was a good one and didn't let you down. I really enjoyed writing this and getting into the mind of the murderer though (in the most normal way possible, haha!)

I dropped a hint about that in the first chapter - that Pansy's rumoured to have killed off her husband and got away with it (I kind of imagine her taking a leaf out of Mrs Zabini's book, from what we're led to believe about her, at least). Parvati found out and... well, you know the rest!

Yay, I'm glad you picked up on the fact that there were three people I didn't mention through the course of this, so that there were still suspects - it was really difficult to work out how to write something like this from the murderer's perspective and describe what was going on without revealing they were the one to do it, with all the other people mentioned. I'm really glad you enjoyed this!

Thank you again for these lovely reviews ♥


 Report Review

Review #5, by BookDinosaur Chapter Three

11th July 2015:
house cup 2015 - ravenclaw

hi again, sian! this is so fascinating, i'm so glad that i stumbled across this. oh my goodness, though, i completely forgot about daphne being in the house as well, and i suppose it could be her? i suppose theo would feel more comfortable walking with daphne or pansy than dean, but the mention of muggle technology in the first chapter - leads me to think dean. i'm sticking with dean. urgh, i feel so sorry for theo - it can't be nice to have negative things assumed about you all the time just because of your parentage. the threat from parvati just added so much more to the story - it offers a motivem but we still don't know what for, or who for. you write mysteries so well, sian, and i can't wait to see where this one goes!

♥ emily

Author's Response: Ciao!

I'm glad you stumbled across it too, these reviews have all been so lovely to read! Hehe, I was hoping that people would forget about someone that was in the house, because there are a lot of them and some are just quieter than others... maybe? :P

I feel sorry for Theo too (or do I? mwahaha) because it can't be nice to have people assume things about you because of what your parents did, but that happens all the time. I feel like it would have happened to a lot of people who weren't even involved in the war, if their families were in some way connected, and perhaps it was a more difficult situation than in other wars as these people all had to live together afterwards in the same society and there wasn't the same distance.

Oops, I went off on a tangent, aha. Anyway, I'm enjoying hearing your theories, and thank you for another great review!


 Report Review

Review #6, by BookDinosaur Chapter Two

11th July 2015:
house cup 2015 - ravenclaw

i've pretty much given up on capital letters at this point, i'm sorry. but you - your story, this story is so amazing, sian. i still think dean's the murderer, but i have no idea what his motive for it could be? i really enjoy how the other guests are setting themselves up as suspects to be honest - it kind of shows that in a situation like this everything you say becomes suspicious and someone can always find a reason to suspect you, you know? and if i'm vastly misinterpreting the story i'm very sorry D: and oh my goodness, padma's dead already! this murderer certainly doesn't waste any time. atm i'm torn between pansy and dean as suspects, but i'm going to stick with dean if only because of the muggle technology thing from last chapter. i can't wait to see where this goes, sian!

♥ Emily

Author's Response: Hello again!

It was so much fun to write this - I was just making everyone do all sorts of fun things and the evil side in me as a writer really seemed to come out here :P The other characters were just making it too easy for the murderer, since their reactions were kind of suspicious in a way - or maybe it's just that everyone becomes suspicious and might have a motive ;)

Yes, the murderer certainly acts quickly here haha! I really like your reasoning for suspects, but I won't say anything about them :P

Thank you again for another lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #7, by BookDinosaur Chapter One

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

hello sian! it's been so long since i've read something of yours and the house cup was the perfect way for me to get back into your amazing writing. this - this is honestly such a perfect way to start your story. to have the murderer narrating these events to us as we see the aurors trying to solve parvati's death is such a unique point of view and i'm surprised that i haven't read it before. you manage to ramp up the tension in the story with only a few words and you already have me wanting to read mre :P i absolutely love that we're getting to see this murderer trying to elude the aurors as well as implementing his Grand Plan. i've always loved spy/espionage tales, and i think this fits into that quite nicely. as for murderers - because of the comment about how wizards haven't caught up to muggle technology yet, i'm going to guess dean thomas, but at the same time i hope i'm wrong. dean thomas is my fave ♥

you've started your story off so well here and i can't wait to see where you go with it, sian!

Author's Response: Hi Emily! ♥ Ah, it's nice to see you back reading something of mine, and I'm glad you picked this in a way because even though it was an experiment, it is a favourite of mine!

It was a really random thought of mine, whether I'd be able to write a murder mystery from the perspective of the murderer. I'm really glad that you like the concept and that there was enough tension here that you still want to keep reading more!

As for your suspect of Dean, you already know who did it now because you've read it all but I won't say anything about it anyway :P

Thank you for your review!


 Report Review

Review #8, by Beeezie Chapter One

11th July 2015:
Sian, this is such an addictive story already. Seriously. You are the master of a good hook - this chapter yanked me in so thoroughly. I'm not quite sure who the narrator is - going back and forth between the story summary and the chapter isn't helping, though there could be something I'm missing - which only heightens the intrigue and makes me want to read on. I'm so curious about why this mystery narrator wanted to kill Parvati at all, particular since the implication I'm reading is that she's an Auror (though I could be off on that, I'm sure), but as it stands, it seems to me like they played their hand quite well. Even if the rumors about Pansy's killing her husband aren't true (and, incidentally, I'd love to find out how Pansy came to marry a Muggleborn in the first place!), they're definitely going to cast some suspicion onto her. I mean, how could they not? Oooh, I can't wait for chapter two - I hope you give a bit more information about the narrator and their motivations, and this is absolutely addicting. Amazing job.

Author's Response: Hi Branwen!

*blushes* Thank you! This story actually came from one of those random 'what if...?' ideas, wondering whether it would be possible to even write this, but I'm so glad that you thought the chapter was a good hook for the story and pulled you into it.

There are lots of questions that I tried to intentionally raise here and I'm glad that seems to have worked, and that you're wondering why about more things. You're right that Parvati is an Auror, so there's definitely that element too. I'm glad you enjoyed this enough to keep reading and I can't say anything about your suspicions just yet (although you know now, of course :P).

Thank you so much for this review!


 Report Review

Review #9, by TreacleTart Chapter Four

23rd May 2015:
Hi Sian!

I'm here for The Gryffindor Review Battle! Go Team Red!

I have to admit that I'm a bit conflicted by the ending, although not necessarily in a bad way. I kind of guessed that it would be between the three who were left standing at the end, but of all of them I suspected Pansy the least because she was the most obvious choice from the beginning. She potentially had another murder under her belt when she killed her husband. She hates Gryffindors. She has enough money to warrant being blackmailed. All the pieces line up. I just kept thinking that those were purposeful clues to lead us in her direction and set us up for a big twist in the end.

I'm actually kind of glad it was her though because I don't know if I could've handled Dean having committed the murder. I just adore Dean so much as a character that I don't really want to think of him doing awful things.

So now that this has come to an end, I want to asses the story overall as a whole. I think it worked really well. Keeping three of the potential suspects from giving their point of view really leaves one to guess at who the murderer could be and it was quite enjoyable coming up with all sorts of different theories. It was also great getting clues little by little instead of all at once. The way you reveal information in this is very well done.

Even though Parvati seemed a bit sloppy as an Auror, I'm happy that in the end that her training kicked in. Padma would be the most obvious person for her to tell, so she went against that instinct and told someone who would never be suspected. Harry. I really liked that. It was very clever.

All in all, I really enjoyed this piece. Like I told you in the beginning I like a good mystery and this was indeed a good mystery! Thanks for an enjoyable read!

~Kaitlin

 Report Review

Review #10, by TreacleTart Chapter Three

23rd May 2015:
Hi Sian!

I'm here for the Gryffindor Review Battle! Go Team Red!

Wow! This is a tough mystery to crack! At this point I'm stuck between Daphne and Dean since we haven't really seen much of either of them. I suppose it could also be Pansy as well. It would be strange of her to talk in third person so much, but not impossible.

Poor Seamus and Theo. They just seem to want to ensure that they are suspects by acting as badly as they possibly can. Drunken fights certainly don't make either of them look any better.

A whole new level of intrigue has been added to this by this mysterious threat from Parvati. I wonder who she's threatening and why. This immediately made me think of Pansy since she's suspected of killing her husband, but again I feel like that would be almost too obvious and you seem to be steering clear of the obvious. My next thought is that maybe it was Dean and that Parvati caught on to whatever he was doing wrong, but that seems out of place as well since he sat far away from Padma at the dinner table. I think that would be oddly suspicious since he's her husband. So I guess that leaves Daphne, but I have no idea what she could've done to be blackmailed. I suppose it would have to be something pretty awful for this to happen.

Oh and can I just say I love the description in the beginning about Padma flopping over causing little splatters of Bernaise sauce to splatter all over the place and how a few strands of her hair are floating in a water glass. It illustrated the scene so clearly without it being too graphic or gory.

As per usual, this was another good chapter. Your writing never fails to amaze me because it's so diverse and always so good. I hope to have skill like you some day.

~Kaitlin

 Report Review

Review #11, by TreacleTart Chapter Two

23rd May 2015:
Hi Sian!

I'm here for The Gryffindor Review Battle! Go Team Red!

So you've clearly blown away my original suspicions from the first chapter by killing off Padma as well. Can't be her if she's dead.

One of the things that I didn't really think about in the beginning, but probably should have is why this person is killing Padma and Parvati. Naturally one would suspect Pansy Parkinson since she seems to hate Gryffindors and has rumored history of previous murder, but that almost seems to obvious. I would normally think that it might've been Lavender, except the murderer observes her having a conversation with Padma. It's all so confusing, but in a good way. Really the only two people we haven't seen the murderer interact with are Dean and Pansy, so I have to think it must be one of them, although I struggle to find a strong motive for either.

I love that the other guests keep setting themselves up as suspects. I mean Theo should know better than to be so impatient. A murder happened just a little while ago and he seems more concerned about getting to work. And then Seamus getting drunk like that, I imagine it's due to grief, but it certainly doesn't look good for him.

I think you've got another solid chapter here. The only small bit of constructive criticism is that I'd perhaps enjoy just a touch more sensory detail in this. I know it's hard to give a lot of detail without giving too much away, but it can be a little bit stark at moments. All in all, I do find that the first two chapters are doing exactly what they are supposed to. They've built the suspense and intrigue quite nicely. Good work!

~Kaitlin

 Report Review

Review #12, by TreacleTart Chapter One

23rd May 2015:
Hi Sian!

I'm here for the Gryffindor Review Battle! Go Team Red!

Mystery and horror are my two favorite genres, so I knew straight away that I had to read this. This honestly reminded me a bit of the game Clue (not sure if you have it in the UK?), but basically it's a game where one person is the murder and you have to guess who it is, what room they killed the person, and with what weapon. The way this is written, it seems to be set up fairly similarly.

I like the idea of not knowing who is narrating the story. It adds a whole different level of mystery to it. Running through the whole list of characters, I know who I would tend to be more suspicious of, but the narrator almost immediately clears all of those people, so I'm stuck once again with no solid theory on it.

I'm almost wondering if it's Padma whose done it. The only reason my mind goes there is because this person talking identifies the voice of Parvati in the interview. Since Parvati and Padma would be easy to confuse, I feel like it would be logical for it to be Padma. She obviously wouldn't confuse herself with her sister.

The Aurors involved in the investigation seem to be a bit daft. They didn't really even ask the murderer any tough questions. It's pretty clear that they don't see him or her as a suspect. It really is too bad that Harry isn't there to do a bit more thorough investigation.

All in all, I think this piece really does what it's supposed to. There is a clear sense of mystery and I am really left struggling to figure out who committed the crime. The rate at which you've revealed information is slow, but not so slow as to bore the readers. It's just the right pace to keep someone interested. I've really enjoyed this! Thanks for a good read as always!

~Kaitlin

 Report Review

Review #13, by xinkheartedx Chapter Four

15th May 2015:
Wow I did not see that coming!

At first I thought it was Seamus but he was mentioned quite often by the narrator so I assumed that it couldn't be him. Then I was firmly convinced that it was Dean for the rest of the story because he was never mentioned and then when Harry was talking he said that Dean had the motive.

But now I totally see that it was Pansy, the clues were there all along.

She is one of the only people who could talk with Theo without arousing suspicion, it was her hotel, not to mention the rumours about her having committed murder before!

I loved it, the murders were so creative, if it was me I probably would have just Avada Kedavra-d them an been done with it... I'm not the most creative writer ever...

Anyway, I wish I'd read this sooner, it's a really good read! You were really good with keeping the narrator anonymous aswell, it was a good idea to keep a few characters unmentioned (is that even a word?) so the murderer wasn't obvious... I didn't suspect Pansy once!

I totally think you should write something else like this, it was a very interesting plot.

- Alisha

Author's Response: Hi Alisha!

Hehe, I'm really glad that you didn't see the ending coming - the story won a Gryffie award for Best Plot Twist and was nominated for the same Dobby, so I'm really glad that I was able to fool people in the earlier chapters and surprise them with the identity of the murderer.

Seamus was a potential suspect because of his proximity to the victim, and then Dean was definitely one of the people who I intended for you to think of as the murderer.

It's great that you think that Pansy fit, and that you can see now that the clues were already there for it.

I'm so pleased you enjoyed this! It was really fun and interesting to write a murder mystery from the perspective of the murderer, and I'm really glad that I was able to keep you guessing and hide the narrator's identity.

Thank you for stopping by to read and leaving this great review!


 Report Review

Review #14, by tangledconstellations Chapter Four

15th April 2015:
So it was Pansy!

Crickey, I was barking up the wrong tree thinking it was a guy haha. Ahh, I didn't even suspect her - this was so good! I love that all the clues building up to this weren't 100% solid - it really felt like you were steering me towards Dean, so kudos to you for tricking me, haha!

Ahh, I really enjoyed reading this - you should definitely write another one, this was really fun. It's the perfect length as well - not too long, but just enough to really pack a punch! Thanks for sharing this! :D

Laura xxx

 Report Review

Review #15, by tangledconstellations Chapter Three

15th April 2015:
Ahh! It's getting tense! It's getting tense!

I am so super excited to find out who it was and also why. The mention of the letter at the very end here just makes me wonder even more, and I just want to know now! Eep! I love that there's more context now, just as things are hotting up and the end is in sight. It's great that you've staggered the info about the characters and things as the chapters have gone by, because than in itself feels like a mystery being unraveled too.

I still don't have a clue about the narrators identity though - maybe I'm just the worst detective in the world, haha. I love the way the narrator is being so totally blase about everything as well - it makes me wonder whether they really are in as safe a position as they think they are... hmm! It's really great to see their observations as this has unraveled, and their internal reactions to some of the other characters!

Well, here goes...on to the final chapter! :D

Laura xxx

 Report Review

Review #16, by tangledconstellations Chapter Two

15th April 2015:
Hey again!

Oh maan, this whole chapter I was trying to put the clues together to work out their identity and I still don't know! So, they don't dine with people much, and I assume (from the pool game) they're a guy, and they're a similar age to others. But how is it they can get away with killing of Padma so easily?! Ahh, I want to know!

I really liked this chapter - it felt as though you fleshed out the setting a lot more and I could really visualise it. I like the way the rooms have little plaques outside - it makes me think of a Cluedo board! The confined location is really cool too, because it means that the characters are gonna start to get under each others skin and things are going to get really tense!

Eek! Reading on!

Laura xxx

 Report Review

Review #17, by tangledconstellations Chapter One

15th April 2015:
Hey Sian!

I realised I hadn't really read many of your stories so thought I'd swing by! I was straight away excited about reading a mystery, and your story summary grabbed my attention! :)

This was such a cool first chapter - I love that it's from the perspective of the murderer because it sets up so much intrigue. It puts the reader in a weird position because we're half on the narrators side because we're seeing the story unravel through their eyes, but at the same time it's like, they're a murderer! Gah! At this point I have absolutely no idea who it may be - though I assume they blend in with the other students so I'd put them at a similar age to the rest of them. I also assume they don't stick out much, so they're not an obviously shady character or anything. Hmm... I guess I just have to wait and find out!

This is really fun so far and I can't wait to read on :)

Laura xxx

 Report Review

Review #18, by marauderfan Chapter Four

2nd January 2015:
I was close! She was my prime suspect in chapter 2, but then you fooled me with chapter 3 :P Well done on this whole story, it was so impressively thought out!

I do wonder how she knew so much about Muggle movies and crime novels - that was the only thing that threw me off the idea of her being the murderer. But given that we don't actually know anything about her parents in canon, it's entirely possible she has a Muggle relative or something. Or maybe she just likes crime novels and a lot of them happen to be written by Muggles. :p

I LOVED the way you revealed it all in the end and the way Harry has this measured accusation, giving all the evidence and really drawing it out to explain everything (and make the murderer sit there nervously for even longer :p ) it had me sitting on the edge of my seat! ahh this was such a great story and you should definitely write more mysteries! Awesome work! :)

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yes, you were close :P But I'm glad that I managed to fool you anyway since I wanted it to be ambiguous for as long as possible and it would have been no fun if everyone had been able to guess right from the first chapter!

Well, in my head canon (which is mostly connected to the one-shot I wrote about her), she was brought up partly by Muggles - in fact, the only person who managed to guess this correctly was basing it on that story :P

I was so nervous to write the reveal scene because I've never done anything like that before, but I'm glad that you liked it! Drawing it out was fun even if it was a bit mean :P

Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews you've left me!


 Report Review

Review #19, by marauderfan Chapter Three

2nd January 2015:
Hi Sian! I realised I had never finished reading this or found out the identity of the murderer so I'm back to read the last two chapters! :P

Hmm. I think after this chapter I'm going to eliminate Dean from my suspect list because its well known that he was good friends with Seamus, and I see no indication that the narrator is particularly friendly with Seamus. Except... that the narrator knows that Seamus is horrible at keeping secrets. Okay, maybe he's back in the suspect list :p So it's either him, Pansy or Daphne. Last chapter I was leaning more towards Pansy, but now I'm thinking Daphne because she's more of an unknown - not particularly allied with Death Eaters and more likely to be overlooked? Ugh I don't know. I keep flip flopping :p What is the big secret Parvati knew about?!

This story is so full of clues and also red herrings and it's driving me nuts! I think it's so impressive how you've managed to keep the mystery going this far in this fantastic story and I'm so looking forward to reading the last chapter and finding out who it is!

Author's Response: Hey Kristin! Ah, it was so lovely to see these unexpected reviews on this story, and it means a lot that you wanted to come back and finish reading it!

Hehe, I can't say much about your reasoning and decisions to suspect certain people (although I know that you have read and reviewed the last chapter now and so know who did it), but I really like the way that you're thinking and it's so interesting to see how people try and work out the murderer's identity! The big secret that Parvati knew is... a secret ;)

I'm really pleased that you thought that I was able to keep the mystery going this far in the story so that you're still guessing - that's what I was hoping for! Thank you for this lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #20, by marauderfan Chapter Two

22nd November 2014:
Review swap! So excited to read another chapter of this :D

Was definitely not expecting Padma to be murdered as well in this chapter! :O But there's so much new information... some of which I'm sure is red herrings because it doesn't all add up as well as I want it to, haha.

So... Dean, Daphne, and Pansy are the only ones who haven't been mentioned yet as interacting with the narrator. I'm inclined to think Pansy, as she seems more likely to walk around having a chat with Theo, and the bit about not wanting to use 'a woman's weapon' makes me think it probably is a woman. And since she was close to Draco, she might have done stuff with Disillusionment Charms during 6th year to help Draco into the Room of Requirement or something. But... Pansy is probably a Pureblood, and I got the impression that the murderer was not pureblood because they knew a bit about Muggle technology in the previous chapter. Hmmm.

But was Padma poisoned anyway, even after the murderer deciding against poison? What happened to her?! What is the motive of the murderer to kill both of the Patil twins? Sooo much mystery. And I just love how meticulously this entire story is planned out - there is information revealed in each chapter so far, enough to potentially make guesses, but not enough to know anything for sure yet.

The murderer is such an astute person, noting how Theo reacts and making note of it, and keeping so calm and collected while characters like Seamus break down and Theo gets angry he's being kept so long. That is really working well in the murderer's favour. But I wonder if the murderer is almost too calm and that will give them away in the end?

I can't wait to find out! Awesome chapter & thanks for the swap! :D

Author's Response: Hey, Kristin! I'm excited that you're excited!

Red herrings? Moi? I certainly wouldn't do something like that... ;)

Hmm, you think it's Pansy? Well I couldn't possibly say anything about that speculation, of course. Other than that you may be right. Then again, you may not be.

I will say that you're picking up on some of the clues that I left in this chapter and so you're not doing too badly!

Ah, but was Padma poisoned? (Haha, this is so fun, playing with your mind :P) There's someone with a motive to kill them both, it seems! I'm glad you think I managed to plan it out well, considering most of that was done in my head :P

Yes, the murderer is definitely attentive to what they need to be doing and how they should be reacting. As for whether that will go against them in the end - well, we'll see!

Thanks for such an awesome review! ♥


 Report Review

Review #21, by crestwood Chapter Two

20th November 2014:
Hi Sian! I've been meaning to get back to reviewing this for so long now.

I can't say I've read many mysteries here on this site, but I'm quite sure they don't usually come this well written.. This is like an Agatha Christie novel in the sense that I truly have no clue what is going on here. The confusion is actually awesome though, I just love a mystery that can actually leave me guessing.

You write this tense atmosphere so perfectly and your narrator is delightfully stoic. I just really enjoy reading from the point of view of someone with such a calm disposition. It's really cool how they continuously manipulate the emotions of everyone else and anticipate what they're going to do and say. They had this all planned out so thoroughly, which really means that you had this all planned out thoroughly.

Their mental notes of how to act when accused are a very good idea on their part. I won't even attempt to narrow it down by way of counting out people mentioned because I'm pretty sure they've referred to themselves already. If I was really careful, I may be able to find places where they referred to actually interacting with people and count off those, but there's also the option of sitting back and enjoying the ride you're set to take me on.

Every time I wonder something about this story, it's like the speaker answers it directly after the thought occurs to me. I was just starting to wonder where they got the wand to cast a Disillusionment Charm and then, they thought of keeping a spare so that they still have the murder weapon. Because of course Auror's can preform Priori Incantatem on the wands and it'd be unwise to give them the one that did it. Genius!

Seamus being drunk definitely looks suspicious, but I know he isn't the real culprit because I'm looking for someone totally calm and collected. He must be quite drunk to be threatening to kill someone during a murder investigation haha!

Wow, Padma bit her cheek and then dropped dead...So something got into the cut and killed her, but I have no idea what. I don't know what I was expecting, but a death during the second chapter was not it. This is just excellent. Truly a cleverly pieced together plot and an amazing, unique idea. I love it. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Hi, Joey!

Oh my goodness, that's such a compliment and I don't even know what to say to it. I love Agatha Christie and the fact that you enjoyed the writing in this is amazing!

My planning for this, apart from a few notes about deciding who the murderer and victims were, was actually all in my head as I wrote the thing over three days :P But I'm glad that it seems like I planned it out thoroughly, and that's reflected in the writing! The murderer certainly did plan this properly and I'm glad that you like their voice too.

Haha, I'm not mentioning anything about who the murderer may be or whether that would be a reliable way to count someone out!

I'll let you into a little secret - those parts when the narrator directly answers your questions occur because I ask myself those sorts of questions all the time when reading and I couldn't not include them, knowing that in a story like this readers would be picking up on any little details. I'm glad you liked the idea for the murderer to keep a spare wand!

Your assessment of the murderer's mentality is quite interesting :P Ah, poor Seamus... although his fiancee has just been murdered, so maybe he can be forgiven for his drunk behaviour?

You may or may not be right about how she died, you'll find out as you read on :P But thank you so much for this amazing review, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!


 Report Review

Review #22, by marauderfan Chapter One

19th November 2014:
This is the most unique beginning to a mystery story I've ever seen. From the fourth paragraph (actually, before I even started reading the story, if I count the summary) I know who did it. It was the narrator. But who IS the narrator?! Ah, it's brilliant!

The narrator is just so casual about the whole thing, no guilt at all, just commenting about it like one would about the weather, which is what makes it so strange to read.

The interview was really interesting too. Clearly this person has read a lot of crime novels, or at least enough to know how these investigations normally go in novels and who gets arrested and who doesn't. And they have very meticulously planned out things to say and how to act. Clearly the murderer is intelligent. And they are (most likely) not the son of a Death Eater. And they seem to know about Muggle technology. Not sure if these are all clues or just red herrings, but this is all the information I have so far and I'm going to keep this all in mind as I read future chapters haha.

It's not Theo, or Michael. I assume it's one of the characters listed in the beginning, and right now I don't have much of a guess. (At first my (incorrect) guess was Hermione, before I figured out it had to be one of those people listed haha.)

So anyway. I think this is such a great idea for a story, and I absolutely love how the mystery is in the identity of the narrator. I'm curious what motives the narrator had for murdering Parvati.

I'm really interested in the story so far and am eager to read on! Thanks for swapping with me! :D

Author's Response: Hi Kristin!

Ah, I'm so glad you liked it and thought this was unique! I really liked the idea of writing a murder mystery from the perspective of the murderer when I had it, but actually executing it was a whole different matter and I'm pleased you liked it!

The narrator is quite detached at this point... I'm not sure if that's a clue or not :P

I'm glad you found the interview interesting! You certainly picked up on some of the details that I slipped into that section although I'm not going to tell you if they're clues or not.

It's definitely one of the characters listed at the beginning, I can tell you that much! Thank you so much for the swap, it was great to read your thoughts on this chapter!


 Report Review

Review #23, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter Four

1st October 2014:
Oh, well, bravo! You did trick me!

Dean was my first suspect, because (1) he comforted Seamus in what appeared to be a friendly manner, (2) he was Seamus' best friend (3) Therefore, he would have known both the Patil's well and might have had a motive, (4) He didn't know how to eat from a fancy dinner set, (5) He didn't want to be judged by his father, who Dean always believed had left him and his mother (but was really killed by Death Eaters), and (6) he was playing snooker with "the guys", although I did think that clue might be a trick, because it never actually says the murderer is one.

Daphne was my second suspect. I couldn't see any clear motive, but it was perfectly possible she would be comforting. It was possible she wouldn't want to be judged by her father, though we know little about him. It made sense that she'd talk to Theo so much, since they were both Slytherins. And she was the second least-mentioned character.

Pansy--wow, you got me. She was my third guess. I had noticed that, whenever the murderer referred to her, it was never in such a way that made it a sure thing that they were separate people. The biggest reasons I discounted her were (1) If there were already rumors that she was a murderess, I'd have thought she'd be higher up on the suspect list, and (2) As a wealthy Pureblood and the owner of the house, I thought she'd know how to use the dinner utensils. But of course, the rest of the clues all match up to her, and she'd know the place best. And, of course, that motive!

But that was very neatly done. I'm so impressed, Sian! Her motive makes perfect sense, too, but by then I was so convinced it was Dean (as you cleverly arranged by the structure of the accusations) that I totally overlooked the brief clue towards the end, where they mention the one murder that had been previously committed, that Parvati knew about. And really, of course we should have known whose murder that was--you'd been telling us all along!

As it turns out, my charts were no match for your brilliance. Bravo to you! And congratulations. You totally deserve that Dobby nomination for Best Plot Twist!

Really, incredible job. It was so well written and constructed. I am amazed. Amazed!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi Penny! Wah, I've taken far too long to reply to these amazing reviews, but I really do appreciate them!

Yay, I'm so glad I tricked you! I was hoping for some sort of plot twist at the end of this, but for it to be nominated and become a finalist in the Dobbys for that was just incredible!

Haha, I have to say that your reasoning for both Dean and Daphne makes sense - at least, that's what I wanted you to think in this, especially with the different little hints that you picked up on. It was really difficult to write this without giving away the murderer's identity from the start, so while dropping clues I also didn't want to give too much away! Although there were a few rumours about Pansy's past, it was more just talk - there'd been an investigation and nothing had been proven, and she'd inherited the house without spending much time there. Plus, perhaps she isn't the most reliable of narrators ;)

I'm really pleased that you thought it made sense and was plausible for her to be the murderer, but especially that you didn't think it was by the end. Thank you so much for all these wonderful reviews, and I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this story!


 Report Review

Review #24, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter Three

30th September 2014:
Oh my goodness, this is so good!

So, I think that in my eagerness to solve the mystery, I have failed to adequately stress how amazing your writing is.

The writing of this is FABULOUS! It reads like a novel. Better than many books I've read!

Okay, so for now, I've been eagerly trying to solve the mystery. Like, I'm making charts and taking notes and everything.

They may be color coded. Obsessed, you say? Pah! Nonsense. Devoted to the pursuit of truth!

I have 2 main suspects, both of whose names begin with D. I haven't totally ruled out the proprietor of the establishment. And then there's always the possibility that it's something totally crazy, like that someone's actually there and on Polyjuice Potion and isn't really any of the suspects, GoF-style. After all, we know the killer is good at Disillusionment charms, which could mean they are good at disguises, over all. Or one of the bodies could actually not be their body at all, and could be magically disguised. But that's getting very convoluted. And there's one more chapter. Hopefully a few more clues. But will I figure it out before the grand reveal? Dun duhn DUHN!

Well, I'm gonna try, at least.

Thanks for the fun! (Which maybe sounds creepy, but come on. Solving fake murders is totally fun!)

--Penny

Author's Response: Wah, Penny, you're complimenting me so much in these reviews that I honestly don't know what to say, I'm just blushing! Better than books you've read... wow. Thank you so, so much! ♥

Oh my goodness, I love that you're making lists and trying to work out who the killer is! I think you're definitely paying attention to the clues that I've been leaving, but I couldn't possibly comment on your suspects ;)

Thank you again!


 Report Review

Review #25, by Penelope Inkwell Chapter Two

30th September 2014:
Mrs. Peacock the Study with the Candlestick!

No? But come on, I'm close, right?

"I know what my reaction would be, if I was innocent and someone asked me that, and sure enough, he doesn’t disappoint. I take mental notes in case the time comes for me."
--So calculating! It's very chilling.

And how did they kill Padma?!

Sian, this is just written so well. I am loving it!

Now, I must away! More clues (hopefully) await me in the next chapter. I have suspicions, but I'm not sure. Who can it be?!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hahaha Mrs Peacock in the study with the candlestick indeed!

The killer is pretty calculating in this story, and this chapter especially. There's a certain amount of planning that's gone into this... including how they killed Padma, which you now know but I don't want to give away in this response ;)

Ah, thank you, that means a lot! I'm glad you're enjoying it so much, and thanks again for the review!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>