Reading Reviews for Morbid
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Springtime

23rd September 2014:
Hi again!

Ah, this was such a sad last chapter to the story! I'm kind of upset that my guesses were right and that Amy did die in this chapter, as I really warmed to her character and didn't want her to be hurt, even though I expected it would end this way. But I think that's a mark of great writing - you've created an original character who I really care about, so that I'm getting tears in my eyes when I read this last chapter.

The opening was kind of dramatic, but I think that was intended - at least from Amy's perspective, anyway. I can understand in a way that she'd want to create a poetic death for herself, almost writing her own ending, but it's sad that she felt she needed to push Teddy away and be someone who had to die alone. I felt really sorry for her and also for Teddy at that point, because it's such a difficult situation to face, especially when they're only young.

I found Teddy's anger and the way that he took that out very believable. And even though he didn't do much in that scene but get angry and drunk and try and take out that anger on his parents' gravestones, that scene helped to explain some more about Teddy's fixation with death in the past. He's felt that he's been abandoned by his parents because they died when he was so young, and I suspect that because of that he's turned towards death and shown an interest in it because it feels like something that has been his constant companion because of his parents' death.

I was so happy to see Amy and Teddy reconciling before the end of this chapter! The dialogue in that section was really sweet and natural, and I felt a lot for the two of them. Teddy's optimism and his line about how there's a lot that can be done in five months fitted perfectly at that point.

It was so upsetting to read about Amy in a situation where she couldn't even recognise Teddy because of all the potions that she was taking to try and control her condition. It's something that I haven't seen much in fanfiction, particularly because a lot of people seem to imagine that magic is a cure for most illnesses, but I thought you dealt with that theme really well. I loved the detail of Teddy telling Amy about the Griffin when she was taking the potions so that she remembered that detail about him, and there was still some connection there. It reminded me a little bit of The Notebook, since he's so determined to stay with her and help her, even though her family don't want to.

Those last two weeks were written really well - it's only a short time to have left to live, but at least Amy was able to remember it all and know who Teddy was through that time. It was so touching to see the two of them with death approaching.

Ah, so the mystery of Merlin is a little explained! He's a metaphor for death in this story - or represents him, at least. And throughout, Teddy has been interested in death and so death has come to him, and they've become friends; now, when Teddy's life has actually been affected deeply by death (with him being in a state to witness it), he doesn't feel the same affinity to death. At least, that's what I made of it :P In a way, I was glad to see that Merlin was the one who came to take Amy, because at least it was someone familiar to her through Teddy, and one of Teddy's friends. He didn't have to worry about Amy dying because he knew that she'd be taken care of.

This was a really good story and really sweet and touching to read. Thank you!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm so ecstatic right now that you really care about Amy and that her death affected you in some way. I get really happy when my writing makes people cry, not because I want everyone to be sad of course, but because I know that crying over fictional characters isn't usually something that happens unless you truly connected and took something from them and I think any author likes to know that has happened.

Oh, the opening was really meant to be overly dramatic. I actually wrote it a few times, trying really hard to make it SO dramatic that it couldn't be taken seriously. I definitely wanted for Amy to want to control her life and write her own end, but of course real life doesn't always work out that way. In times like this, some of her actual fear of dying starts to surface. She wants to make it as sad as possible because the sadder her death, the more important she feels like her life was.

I am so happy that Teddy's scene in the graveyard was believable and that you were able to take away exactly what I wanted from it. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have never known either of your parents as it isn't something I've experienced myself, but I did try my best to dissect what someone in that position might be feeling.

Sweet and natural was exactly how I wanted the dialogue to come across. I wanted them to kind of tie up some loose ends before I had to do all of the things I had to do to them afterwards.

I was thinking of just giving Amy cancer, as her disease is a pretty clear cut stand-in for it, but then I got to thinking and I would have hated to receive reviews asking why magic couldn't just cure the cancer and save the day. So, because canon gave us magical sicknesses that can't be simply cured or gotten rid of with a spell, I decided that would make the narrative that much cleaner. The potions were mostly a device to make things much sadder, because if there's anything worse than someone you love dying it's someone you love dying and not remembering who you are. It was all really hard to write. I haven't gotten this compared to The Notebook before this, but that's certainly an awesome thing to remind someone of, since it's so poignant itself.

So glad the last two weeks felt well written. I tried to give it something resembling a happy tone in this very depressing chapter.

You've understood this story and so many of the things I've thrown at you throughout it so well that it's fitting that you've completely nailed the analysis of Merlin's character. He certainly is a metaphor for death. I have nothing to add to what you said there that would build upon it. Some find it sad that Teddy lost Merlin and Amy both, but I agree that it's satisfying that he could feel she would be in good hands, even if it is all in his head.

Thank you so much for these reviews, they were such an exciting surprise and I just enjoyed responding to them so much. Your compliments have made me feel really amazing and I'm so glad you enjoyed this even though I have yet to edit it based on the CC I've received. Your words mean so much, thank you again!


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Review #2, by nott theodore Williams' Bookshop

23rd September 2014:
Hi again!

I really liked the way that you opened this chapter, too - although some time had passed since the last chapter, the continuity with Merlin asking Teddy riddles again worked really well and helped the chapter to flow well from the beginning.

The riddle was a bit better this time than last time though, I have to say :P

I really liked the way that you developed the relationship between Amy and Teddy here. I think sometimes that people can go into too much detail when trying to show something like this developing, but you gave us just enough to warm to them as a couple. Teddy's idea for a first date was really cute! Sometimes it's interesting enough to guess what books are about from their titles, but I love the idea of a witch and a wizard going into the shop and having no idea about the obscurity of the titles that people manage to come up with. Their solutions for the different titles were really interesting to read!

They interact really well in this chapter too, and I like the way that you write their dialogue especially, although I'd suggest that you could maybe remove some of the dialogue tags that you use when it's just the two of them speaking, as it's not always necessary to include that extra information.

One thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was that I got to understand why they get on so well. Now that we know that Amy's been diagnosed with a fatal illness, her acceptance of Teddy's fixation and thoughts about death make a lot more sense - it's something that she must have experienced herself upon being told that she was ill.

The scene with Teddy and Amy at his parents' graveside was really touching. It's so sweet that he took her to see them, even though it might seem a little strange. It obviously means a lot to him that she's willing to go and accept who he is without having to question it. But I can't see him just taking any girl to visit his parents' graves, so I think that's a mark of how deeply he feels about her.

The only other tiny suggestion I'd make is that it felt they got over the other's lies a little too easily - they admitted them and then moved on immediately. I'd expect there to be a few questions at least, although I understand that Teddy was trying to make her feel comfortable and able to confide in him. It's sad that he's so accepting of her telling him she's got this fatal disease, because he's used to everything ending - that is pretty morbid, but in a way perhaps he's better prepared to love someone like Amy than other people his age might be.

The scene with Merlin at the end was fun to read - I'm still not entirely sure if he actually exists so that only Teddy can see him, or if he's just inside Teddy's head, but it was nice for him to find Amy and be able to open up to her completely. I'm interested to see how this carries on, although with the title of the story and what's happened so far, I've got an awful feeling that the next chapter will be Amy dying and I don't want to have to read about that!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad that the chapters tied in together and that my riddle was better this time around as well! I think Merlin stepped his game up considerably :P

In my original outline, this chapter was set to be about three times as long and it would have detailed their first three dates and all of the small little mundane details about their interactions, but I eventually just scrapped a lot of it in favor of something a lot more sparse. My first date idea was just a random spur of the moment thing and I'm so happy that you found it interesting!

I've actually already edited the entire story and a large portion of the changes are dialogue tags, so it's perfect that your concrit is something I've already addressed and will make it's way through the queue!
Yes, the illness certainly helped with Teddy and Amy's getting along. She understands the feeling that death is all around you more than most. He definitely wouldn't take a girl to see his parents unless he feels like they're going somewhere.

Well, you understood exactly why Teddy accepted her disease, but you raise a good point about how quickly that happened. While I am working on edits, I might benefit from adding in a few lines of dialogue in some of these scenes.

Merlin remains a complete mystery until the very end and even then not everyone fully understands what I meant to do. I think I like it like that though. And before I even respond to that review - I am sorry for the next chapter, I didn't want to have to write about that :(


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Review #3, by nott theodore Cousin Larry

23rd September 2014:
Hi Joey! I really enjoyed reading your story Gone the other day, and since you said in your MTA responses that you felt this was your best story, I thought I'd stop by and check it out!

The summary of this story actually intrigued me straight away, and your first chapter carried on with that really well. The title certainly fits in brilliantly - Teddy is rather morbid at this point!

I don't think I've ever seen any character in fanfiction, let alone Teddy Lupin, characterised in this way before, so I think you did a great job of coming up with something that's so original and interesting to read about! Teddy's interest in death isn't exactly "normal" for someone his age, and I can understand why Harry and Ginny and all the other adults in his life are worried about him because of it. I'm not sure that there's actually anything wrong with him, though, he's just a bit different - although I must admit, if I saw that someone had been drawing pictures depicting their own death, I would be a bit concerned about them!

I thought starting out with that depiction of Teddy's artwork and its strange subject was a great way to open this story; it linked straight into the title but also allowed you to explain some of Teddy's background, and what had happened to him leading up to this point in time. That flowed really well and it was interesting to find out what he was doing at this point in life. I wonder - does his fixation with death have anything to do with the fact that both of his parents are dead and he's grown up as an orphan? I wouldn't blame him for hexing McLaggen for saying something like that in normal circumstances, but it does make me wonder whether or not it's linked into his fixation.

The funeral scene was really interesting! I know that there are people who like going to funerals but normally they (in my experience) tend to be older and have been going to the funerals of their friends and loved ones to prompt it. It's a bit of a strange pastime for someone who's so young, though, and not really affected by death to the same extent. I wonder, though, if in a way this is related to his parents too - he wouldn't remember their funeral, but perhaps he wants to be able to imagine it?

I liked the cousin Larry excuse from Amy and it was nice to see the introduction of someone else who didn't seem quite so morbid and yet at the same time she doesn't actually know that he's got a fixation with death, so she's not got any pre-formed opinions of him here. I'd like to see her in the future in this story - I could see some similarities between them, even if they've got quite different backgrounds to life. And Teddy certainly seemed to like her!

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting the conversation with Merlin at the end! I'm not entirely sure if he's actually there or if Teddy's imagining him, but at the same time I enjoyed the conversation, especially the way that Teddy confided in him about the girl rather than anyone he knows in "real life" - I think that tells us a lot about him! And I had to laugh at Merlin making up riddles for Teddy to solve - he seems to have lost his touch a bit since he was first alive, I think!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

I was not expecting you to come here and leave reviews for this, what a wonderful surprise! I admit that I was a bit scared to answer these right away because I really wanted to answer them purposefully and give your reviews the responses they deserve.

I'm so glad that you found my Teddy original. I did purposely choose to write him for the first time here for a couple of reasons, not least of which was the juxtaposition with the way he's usually portrayed. I wanted to cast some doubt over whether anything is truly wrong with Teddy, but I also wanted him to kind of stun you right away with his sheer weirdness. And, thus, I decided that he'd draw himself dying in all sorts of strange ways.

If I had to pick a definite answer, I'd say that Teddy's fixation with death has everything to do with growing up an orphan. That being said, I'm not sure he's made the connection quite yet at this point.

One thing I wanted out of the funeral scene was displaying that Teddy actually finds funerals entertaining. He likes to study the different ways that people do about mourning and how they speak of the dead. There's a bit of that wonder, like, if people are simply always positive about the deceased, how do I know that my parents didn't have some gigantic flaw that no one has ever had the heart to tell me about? I think that's what bothers him the most about having never known them, relying upon other people's word to know what they were like.

Liking Amy is pretty critical to liking the story as a whole, so that's very good news that you wanted to see more! She was someone totally new and looked at Teddy in a way that he's never really been looked at before. Just what he needed, in my opinion.

Merlin was super fun to write and it's always interesting to see if people think that he's weird and random or funny and fitting for the story. I will say, his riddle in this chapter was a bit weak, haha!

Thank you for this AMAZING review!


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Review #4, by Moonyxluna Cousin Larry

15th September 2014:
Hey! I'm looking for anything to sink my reviewing in so I'm happy to review!

I love that you have Cameron Monaghan in your banner. I love shameless. (Did I warn that I ramble? I ramble..)

I don't think you have to worry about interesting characters. Your first sentence caught me by surprise and I'm immediately curious as to what's going on in this boy's head.

This is me being nit-picky, but if you edit, in your first three paragraphs, you say "teddy did x" all three times and it feels repetitive since he's the only subject matter for all of those. I think at the start of the third paragraph you could change it to 'he' and when Harry and Ginny get mentioned in the fourth, keep his name again. (does that make sense?)

If you're looking for something to add on, I'd love to see a little more about the types of therapy they brought him to. Is there anything different in the magical world?

I'm very intrigued by Teddy. (again, he's interesting.) He's very atypical. I was a little surprised when he went into Auror training, but I got a good chuckle when he got kicked out, even if it was for defending himself. Doesn't seem like the type to hold down a 'typical' job. :p

One thing I'm curious about going further is what makes him like this? Is it just a fascination? Something in his head? Does it have to do with his parents deaths? Are there deeper things going on?

the midst of a war that i am unaware - missed a capital 'I'.

The lonely street didn't seem to understand what an important moment this was - I loved this line. Very pretty.

I'm kind of finding myself wondering how old they are here? It was a very (I don't think cute is the right word.. infinite? idk.) moment but still running out of a funeral seems like something more of a younger child would do, and I know he's out of Auror training and she's working. Curiosity!

However, I enjoyed the introduction of Amy. I think you gave her a good little bit of information, not too much that it was distracting, but just enough to make me want to know more about her.

His conversation with his (Imaginary? I'll have to see.) friend Merlin was interesting. I keep saying interesting but it is. I genuinely want to learn more about what's going on with Teddy and see you pick at his brain some more in upcoming chapters. I'd love to see how he reacts to the therapy, also, if he hated it, was indifferent, or any other feelings. Is he seeing things, or just in his own head, or just developing friends due to a lack of them?

I thought the chapter ended a little abruptly. (Unless you did it on purpose! Maybe just one more sentence talking about his body language or giving a look to Merlin, or something.

Thanks for requesting this! I really enjoyed reading it and am very curious to see what happens next :) feel free to re-request!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey! This was so quick!

I'm a huge Shameless fan myself! He's one of my favorite actors ever.

I'm super really glad that the characters all seem to be interesting enough here in the first chapter.

I love the nit-picky stuff! I want this to be as good as I can get it before I start with an entire series, so all of it is appreciated! I'll go back and spruce this up with your suggestions.

I knew that I couldn't have this Teddy stay an Auror for very long. Like you said, a typical job just would not suit him.

I will say that a lot of the questions you have are going to be answered throughout the series, rather than in these three chapters necessarily. There's really large hints towards what makes Teddy this way in the third, but it isn't completely explained.
Plenty of people have figured it out though haha.

Teddy and Amy are both nineteen here. And I know that is young for Amy to be working at St. Mungo's but that is explained in full in the next chapter. I've never had anyone ask their ages before! Their running and laughing was very child-like, wasn't it? These two both have a penchant for behaving a bit like children at times. Neither can be called a well adjusted adult, I will say.

Merlin is such an fun character for people to speculate about. I can't wait for your opinions on him as the story goes on. And don't worry, I absolutely abuse the word interesting in reviews!

It was partially on purpose, but possibly a little too abrupt. I'll look back into it definitely.

This was really, really helpful. Thank you so much for this! I'll be sure to re-request, but I think I'll wait a while to give you some breathing time and not swamp you with this story. Thanks again!


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Review #5, by teh tarik Cousin Larry

11th September 2014:
Hello!

I'm here with your requested review. :) I'm sorry that it has taken me quite a few days to get to your fic - RL, etc.

I've never seen Teddy Lupin characterised this way before, so bonus points for originality! I love what you've done with his character; I'm so used to seeing a perky, happy-go-lucky Teddy with blue, pink, green, rainbow-coloured hair attracting all the girls and such, so reading about a morbidly artistic Teddy who gate-crashes funerals and talks to Merlin is a wonderful breath of fresh air. It's great that, despite Teddy having a penchant for his own death and its many potential variations, he's not an angsty, brooding teenager/young adult, and that everything he does and says is fairly undramatic and matter-of-fact. And I love that your story has an element of weird in it, at least from this chapter. I always love stories which have a weird twist to them.

You've got a wonderfully striking opening scene, with Teddy completing a picture of himself hanging in an old-fashioned town square. I love that it's an old-fashioned town square! It's such a unique detail to include, and a really vivid one as well. The brief history you gave of Teddy was light and contained just the right level of detail.

You mentioned characterisation as an area of concern in your post, and I must say that you needn't worry at all! As I mentioned earlier, Teddy's characterisation is so strong and memorable. He's morbid but there's a whimsical aspect to his character as well, which I appreciate. Amy is an interesting OC, and Teddy meeting her while gate-crashing a funeral is a most wonderful way of getting to know someone. :) Amy's detachment surprised me a little, and how quick she is to wave away Teddy's offered condolences. They both are similar I guess, in that they're a bit insensitive to death: Amy because she's seen so much of it, and Teddy because the only death he seems to care about is his own, a fixation really. Anyway, I can't wait to see how you'll develop their relationship! Already, there's an interesting dynamic between the two.

And the last section with Merlin caught me by surprise. I'm wondering if it's all a hallucination, but hoping that this Merlin really is Merlin; that would be awesome! Merlin asking Teddy riddles, haha!

If I could offer you some suggestion, I'd say be careful about your use of adverbs. Sometimes, you use too many of them, especially with dialogue tags. Some of them are not really necessary; in fact, some of the dialogue tags can be removed as well, seeing as there are only two speakers in most of the scenes. It would really improve the flow of the narrative, I think.

Anyway, I think you've got a really, really fascinating start, and a very original interpretation of a canon character! I'm so glad you requested, and I really do want to read the next chapter soon! Thank you for requesting. :)

-teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!

I think I ultimately choose Teddy Lupin for this story because, like you said, he's so often portrayed as that bubbly, wildly popular personality. I thought this would create some interesting juxtaposition with people's expectations. And I definitely did not want Teddy to be a depressed person in any way. I wanted him to be a very outwardly normal person, who just happened to be obsessed with his own death, among other things that set him apart.

The opening scene was the first way I thought to illustrate quickly and memorably that Teddy has this obsession. I didn't want to just say it and I'm so glad that it worked the way I intended it to!

It's super important to me that Teddy and Amy seem to work off of each other well! They do have their similarities and you really are spot on about why they both are so indifferent. Although, there's still some surprises to come, in that department.

I do very much enjoy my scenes with Merlin. He's such a fun character to write because people's reactions to him are SUPER varied.

About the adverbs thing, I actually went back and re-read this chapter and I really see what you mean. I could spruce up the way I write dialogue, especially in large bunches. Thank you so much for pointing that out! I don't know if I ever would have noticed otherwise.

Thank you for this review! You really understood everything I was trying to do here. I really appreciate all of your compliments and especially the CC on the dialogue! Thanks again!


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Review #6, by AdinaPuff Springtime

10th September 2014:
Hi Joey!

Okay, I'm not going to lie to you-I'm confused. What is Merlin? Death? Or literally Merlin (I know absolutely nothing about Merlin)?

This was a very beautiful story. Original, creative, vast with vocabulary and description and just all around beautiful. I enjoyed every word of it. Amy was a magnificent character, as was Teddy.

I loved the ending. You wrote her farewell very well. How they went from having an unknown amount of time together, to five months, to fourteen days, to her last breath. Amy never got down on herself, which was wonderful to read. Teddy admitted it was hard, but stuck by her side. It was a great read, and a great end to the story.

Wonderful job on this, Joey! I loved it!

-Leigh

Author's Response: It'll tell you, as to Merlin - in story - your guess is as good as mine. I know what I think he is, but I think everyone's interpretation is just as important as mine. But, in a literary sense, Merlin is certainly a metaphor for death.

Thank you so much for calling my story beautiful, that means so much. I'm glad my vocabulary and description worked for you and it's so great that you liked the ending!! That was probably the part of the story that I wanted to approach with the most caution. It's not easy to sum up the feeling of losing someone to an incurable disease with words, but I tried!

Thank you for this amazing review!


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Review #7, by Chazzie Springtime

7th September 2014:
Wow. Okay. So I'm crying a little Joey.
That was beautiful. A little puzzling to start with, but I found myself unable to stop reading. Your Teddy was a new one for me - it is rare to read a story in which he isn't this 'perfect' boy. Not that I think there's anything wrong with that, but your take on him was refreshingly different. Both he and Amy were quite quirky, lovely characters. The game in the bookshop seemed to show that it was the small moments of laughter that were important to their short time together. Amy was a bit of an enigma to begin with, as she helped out Teddy when he was caught attending the funerals. Until the second chapter I had wondered why she was so eagerly spontaneous. You left little clues along the way though: 'She slowly crept over to him, as if she had all the time in world to make it there and had decided to enjoy the view on the way' and 'She did everything calmly, but with purpose. It was as if she really wanted to do everything there was, but having long since accepted the impossibility of that goal, had decided that she would simply enjoy the things she could' show the reader that they are missing something, but they don't quite know what yet.
Merlin, who at first appears to be Teddy's imaginary friend, then tuns out to have a major part in the whole story. That's what made my cry. Both of Teddy's friends are now gone.
I loved the way you made your characters so believable, and thought that the flow of the writing was truly impressive. It really held my interest right through until the end, when I didn't really want it to. But anyway, I think you have done an absolutely fantabulous job here. Well done!
Lottie

Author's Response: I have a thing about making people cry. I kind of tried my hardest to in this story if I'm being honest.

I will never tire of hearing about people's first impressions of this Teddy. He certainly isn't like many of the Teddy's I've read either. I love that people have been mentioning the bookshop scene because I really thought that be a good unorthodox first date for these two. Somehow, I can't imagine them just sitting at a restaurant.

I can't believe you picked up on those lines I wrote about Amy! I love slipping small little remarks about things like that, to give you a bit of insight into her mind, even though she isn't the main character here.

Merlin definitely does play a fairly large role in this story. And I'm glad you picked up on the sadness of both of them leaving to such an extent that you would cry over my words!! And you make me so happy saying that the characters are believable and the flow and it held your attention, just thank you so much! This review was amazing!


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Review #8, by Roisin Springtime

5th September 2014:
Hello! Here with your review prize :)

This story came together so nicely--now I super want to see Restless!

It definitely wasn't what I expected when you first requested a review. I'd have been happy with something angsty and dark, too, but I was really impressed that you managed to use these subjects and write something so sweet and tender!

There was a sort of innocence here, that was a really nice way to treat all of the dark elements. They ended up coming off as more quirky than creepy. And I definitely changed my original perspective of Amy (kind of cold to be so cavalier at a funeral if you're a healer, more your right if you are terminally ill).

I really loved the whole "guessing what the book is about" thing, it seemed like a really fun game indeed!

Overall, Teddy ended up being exactly the sort of person to be with for that--because his abnormality meant being able to be there for her the way she needed. Other people who have different (more "healthy") perspectives would be bogged down with sorrow, but young death is always tragic, and there's no right way for it to happen. Deciding to just be weird about it is as good a strategy as any.

It was interesting that Teddy seemed more upset about Merlin leaving than Amy, but not in a bad way. Again, I don't think it would be very comfortable to see yourself get grieved.

And I really loved how gentle the ending was. It could have been really melodramatic, but instead, it was very soft. "She loved the way everything came to life during the spring" was a really wonderful closing line! It contrasted so interestingly with the opening line of this story, and very subtly showed all the change that had happened!

Such a lovely, thoughtful story overall!

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hey!

I now have this connection to Restless because of the inspiration it gave me. I'd personally recommend it!

I myself probably would have went a lot more toward the dark side of things, but I decided to follow the overall tone of the film and I ended up writing this. The quirkiness was definitely a conscious choice I made and I'm so glad that I changed your mind about Amy! That was my goal since you left your first review.

The book thing was one of the more random ideas I put into this story, I'm happy that people did end up liking it!

I think a large part of Teddy's reaction to Merlin leaving being so different from Amy is that he never imagined that this strange, helpful part of him would leave. He'd had months to prepared for Amy and I think the fact that he wasn't so distraught over Amy's death had a hand in Merlin deciding that Teddy no longer needed him. It was the end of his obsession with death and the beginning of his acceptance of it. But, I'm rambling.

It's perfect that you found Amy's death soft because that was the idea I was going for. I didn't want this great sadness really because everything we saw of her in the story was so calm and vaguely happy. Thank you for the compliment on the closing line. You really picked up on such a little detail there!

Thank you so much for the lovely challenge and for this review! You are just amazing, Roisin.


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Review #9, by luvinpadfoot Springtime

2nd September 2014:
I've never seen the movie Restless (though it's on my list), so this is all new to me. If something sounds a bit strange in this review, that's probably why.

To start, Teddy's character is fascinating. I've never thought about him dealing with the death of his parents much and definitely not like this, but I liked this portrayal of him. It was something new and it's so hard to find ideas that are as original as that. Plus, it stands to reason he'd have some kind of reaction over growing up an orphan and it's nice to see that shown in a story.

"It can't be said that no one was worried; it's just that they were used to it by that point." I loved this line. I don't know if it's yours or from the movie, but it was beautifully phrased and tied in so well to how Teddy was acting and feeling. You had a lot of lovely lines throughout the story, but that one stuck out to me the most. Also, I loved "perpetually poised." That was a description of Amy at one point, and I just can't help but remember it. It's a perfect description of her.

His relationship with Amy was just downright adorable and then so heartbreaking! Gah you shouldn't be able to write things that sad. Too much sadness. Much too much sadness. I know you said she had an incurable disease from the beginning, but I was so hoping for a happy ending, or at least something a little bittersweet. This was just sad and I wanted to hug poor Teddy. I'd be interested in seeing how he reacted after her death since he was doing kind of iffy from the beginning.

But when you weren't too busy being sad, all the little things they did together were so cute. I especially loved them going to the bookstore and laughing at all the silly book titles. It's got me questioning my literary canon for sure. (Really, Too Kill a Mockingbird is just a funny title for a courtroom drama.) And when they were staging her death scene, I sort of wanted to smack them because sadness, but their dialogue during it was so in character. The Amy dramatized it worked really well within that context.

I wasn't really sure if I should be glad for Teddy's relationship with Merlin or a little disturbed, and even at the end I wasn't really sure. Was he really seeing Merlin or was Merlin merely an imaginary friend? I'm glad you left it kind of ambiguous, though I would have really loved to know. It kept me questioning throughout the story and looking for clues. But oh when Merlin left too I was so sad! Poor Teddy. Lost his two closest friends all in the same night.

I have two critiques (well, one and a half) for this. The first was that it seemed a little rushed. I'd have liked to see you slow down a little more and take your time building the relationship and emotions before absolutely devastating us. But maybe that's just me being greedy for more.

The second one is just a half because I'm not really sure what I think about it. You told the story in a very minimalist way, just the bare bones. Part of me really likes this, but part of me was longing for more description and thoughts and just more of the story. It was interesting to take such a distant approach because even though we were inside Teddy's head a little, it was almost an objective POV which was interesting. Again, not completely sold on it, but not not sold, either. I kinda liked it a lot even though that wasn't my initial instinct.

Well, I'm sleepy and rambly so I'm going to stop now. This was a lovely story and oh so sad. Just. Sadness. Too much sadness. It was very well written and the characters built up in a fantastic way. Really, just wonderful all around. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to read this! :)

Author's Response: I hadn't seen it either until I had to base a story around it! I tried to make this readable even if you have no clue about the film though.

It's pretty crucial that Teddy be fascinating for the success of this story, so I'm glad he is! I did try to work with his being an orphan and what kind of effect that'd have on him.

That line is mine! Thank you for your comments about that and "perpetually poised." It's awesome that you appreciate the little phrases I reworded a dozen times.
The incurable disease did take things from "Aw!" to "aw..." pretty quickly haha. I am not exactly a frequent writer of overly sad things, so it's awesome that I pulled off the amount of sadness I was going for! Although it didn't start that way.

The book store was one of the major ways I added my own ideas to the basic plot of the film, so that compliment is especially valued. I loved writing that scene because I got to make a few jokes about things that I thought just sounded funny!

The death staging scene was in the film, (although I changed the dialogue) and I was a little confused by it when I first watched. I've come to think of it as Amy's attempt at controlling her destiny in some small way. She thinks that planning how she'll die, will give her some kind of say in the grand scheme of things. I'm very happy that you found my extremely over the top dialogue to be in character!

Most people are both glad and a little disturbed, actually. I did leave Merlin incredibly ambiguous right up until the end. Merlin's leaving did land a pretty large blow to Teddy, because like you said, two best friends gone so quickly.

As for your critiques, they're actually extremely valid and things that I've thought about and sought to address in various ways that may interest you.

The first critique about the rushed nature of the story has two answers. For one, I was literally in quite the rush to finish this story up before the challenge and that could be a big part of how quickly it moves. Another is that this could be seen as a snapshot of Teddy and Amy's relationship. Almost as if someone is telling the story to someone, but keeps skipping ahead to the important parts. They tell how they met, a bit of their relationship and then how she died. A beginning, middle and end of an quick anecdote. Of course, this isn't the only way to tell this story. And, I think my idea can address both this critique and the second. I am planning to write a story in which the events of Morbid transpire from Amy's point of view. As in, her first person point of view. In which I'd give a lot more extensive details about the building of their relationship and the emotions that came with it. I feel that approach would not only explore Amy's character more, but allow for a slower, more descriptive pace. Hopefully with that I will write the story that this nearly was.

And also, as for lingering questions about Merlin, my third and final work within the Morbid universe will help a lot with that. It will be a prequel novel about Teddy's days at Hogwarts and will deal with the frequent psychiatrists and concerned parental figures that I mentioned in this story. That story would share all of the information about Merlin that I didn't in this story.
If either one of those strikes your fancy, It'd be awesome to have you continue to read. If not, that's fine as well because every idea isn't for everyone. You may not enjoy reading novel length fics. Maybe Hogwarts age kids do not interest you in fanfiction. Maybe Amy's point of view would not be to your liking. It's all subjective and I'm just glad that you came here to leave this review. I really appreciate your compliments and critiques equally and I hope I at least attempted to address both adequately!


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Review #10, by maryhead Cousin Larry

31st August 2014:
This. Is. Amazingly. INTRIGUING!

I have always been a fan of Teddy's character, and I have always been tempted to read stories centred around him. However, probably because of the fear of melancholic thoughts about the Lupins tragic end, I've never read anything about him which wasn't a one-shot and didn't include Victoire in it. As a consequence, I was pleasantly surprised when I found out this story, Teddy-centric, written by one of my favourite people of the forums, adorned by a catching title and with a first chapter that makes me bow in humble respect to your originality and talent.

I love it. Loveitloveitloveit! It is dark, mysterious, catching. Each one of the three scenes you depicted could have been isolated from the story and would have made a wonderful one-shot, but at the same time there is this subtle connection, this...something that ties each part to the others elegantly. They are like three different pictures of a same subject, like. Monet's Rouen Cathedral, do you know it? It is a remarkable example of Impressionism in which the artist depicted the same building from the same point of view at different times of the day. You did the same thing with our dear Teddy here, showing his personality and certainly complex psychology in different moments of his life. You offered the reader a view on very different aspects of the protagonist's existence, but the subject is always the same. At this point of the story we don't know yet exactly what is this subject, but we can already feel the allure of death and darkness that surrounds it.

My favourite part was by far the first scene. The walls covered by pictures of Teddy's own death are such a powerful, blood-chilling image. One could think Teddy as a sort of self-destructing, depressed, constantly sulking teenager, but then the story goes on, and suddenly those adjectives seem not so fitting with the young Lupin's character anymore. He looks almost... Content with the life he is leading, drawing and breathing death every time he can, isolating himself from the living world and talking with an imaginary (or maybe not) and consciously dead Merlin. He looks like the classic boy who managed to detach himself from life and living people, but in some points we understand that this black, cold shell he has built around himself is not entirely what he wants. And of course we don't understand exactly what he really wants or why he endures this self-imposed exile from the land of the livings, but that is what intrigues the most.

Really impressive work. I can't wait to read what happens next!

Author's Response: Wow, you just stopped by randomly to leave a review!! This was so unexpected, thank you so much. I can't say I receive many random reviews like this, so it's so very appreciated.

Thank you SO much for saying that I'm one of your favourite people on the forums!! That makes me feel really great actually. And 'bow in humble respect to your originality and talent'! What is there to even say. Being such a fan of your work I can't even start on what kind of feeling that gave me.

Since I knew this story was going to be so short, I had to decide what scenes I'd want to give the reader that would really express everything that he is. It's so good that they tied together well. They're almost just snapshots of the things he's getting up to. This whole story could be considered a collection of snapshots even. And, DID YOU JUST COMPARE MY WORK TO MONET? And furthermore, DID YOU MAKE THE COMPARISON WORK? I actually do know of the series of paintings, but I never would have made the connection. This chapter is a lot like it though, now that you mention it. The different circumstances truly did affect how Teddy can be perceived in much the same way.

When I came up with that first scene, that was when I knew that this story was going to be more than just going through the motions with the film it was supposed to be based upon. That's when I first starting making this my own. A big thing that I wanted to do was show that Teddy, despite all of his obsession with death, is not depressed or a terrible person. Of course, he gets upset sometimes and makes mistakes, but don't we all? Basically, his problems and strange fixations don't completely define him.

Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me this amazing review!


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Review #11, by Unicorn_Charm Springtime

31st August 2014:
Ok. I'm totally not crying or anything. Not at all... Alright, I'm lying. I'm trying to type a coherent review through my tear-filled eyes.

That was so beautifully, tragically sad. I completely lost it when Teddy became drunk, screamed at and destroyed his parents tombstones. That was, by far, one of the most emotional moments I have ever read on this site. Well done on that. It's not often an entire chapter has me crying like a baby.

Seeing Amy while she was on all of those potions, not knowing who Teddy was, was very hard to read. I've worked in healthcare, and have seen patients who don't even know who their own children are. It's absolutely heartbreaking to see.

So, since Amy was finally able to see him and he left once Teddy overcame his obsession with death, was Merlin a metaphor for Death? That Teddy kept Death close to him for that long and finally let him go, after seeing the effects of dying first hand?

Everything about this just seemed so real, even with magic and potions and Merlin and everything. You really made this come to life and seem so believable. I can't tell you enough how much I absolutely loved this. You're incredibly talented and I will absolutely be checking out more of your stories.

I'm so glad we did that swap a few nights ago. It gave me the chance to discover some incredibly amazing writing!

*hugs*
Meg ♥

Author's Response: There's something that really makes me so proud of making people cry with my writing. I mean you're only the second person to ever say that I did, (the other was on this chapter as well) but both times I felt so amazing about bring that kind of emotion out of someone.

I don't think I can wrap my mind around the fact that you just said that the graveyard scene was one of the most emotional moments you've ever read on this site. I don't think that has sunk in yet. That's such high praise that my mind doesn't believe it's been given to me, I think.

Honestly, it was difficult to write that scene. I can't imagine what it's like, but I tried very hard to make it feel authentic.

Wow, you just hit it right on the head. You're the first person who's put into words what Merlin was. I can't say it any better than that. Merlin is absolutely a metaphor for Death. Whether he was real or a shared delusion, I'm not sure. I don't know if it even matters. What I do know, is that Teddy would have been a lot worse off without him.

This review has really meant everything to me. For such a short story, I felt like writing it has been a journey of sorts. I'm so happy that the reality of the situations I was writing about shone through the magic and the ridiculous antics. Everything you're telling me is everything I could possibly want to hear about this story. It's become so personal to me and I don't think I'll ever forget this review. Thank you so much for this Meg!


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Review #12, by Unicorn_Charm Williams' Bookshop

31st August 2014:
Hiya!!

Oh my goodness! You have no idea how much I love a story where the two main characters are completely offbeat. I love Amy! Love, love, love her. The fact that she did not even bat an eyelash and immediately began speaking to Tonks' and Lupin's headstone, was incredibly heartwarming. And her using the "boyfriend" word, for the first time, at their grave, was very sweet.

The Muggle bookstore was brilliant. You had me giggling while they were describing what they assumed each book was about. And then Teddy, "...but this is a book about a loony bin." haha loved it!

Well, I have to admit. I did not see that coming. I honestly believed that she was an employee, not a patient. And Merlin! I am DYING to know what is up with that! I can't believe she took him speaking to an imaginary(?) friend so... calmly.

I am loving this, a lot. I love the chemistry and dynamic between Teddy and Amy. I love the banter between Teddy and Merlin. I love the morbid overtones of this story. It's just all brilliantly done! Excellent story! I can't wait to read more!! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hey Meg!

I'm so overjoyed that you liked Amy so much! Amy is a person that truly goes with the flow. She's the most poised person I could imagine. There's not much that catches her off guard.

The bookstore scene was a 100% random idea of mine. I knew that I couldn't have these two just go out for dinner as a date though. Luckily you found Teddy's game so funny!
With the news about her disease, we get to see that Teddy isn't so different from Amy in terms of how they handle surprises. I think Amy knows that Merlin is NOT normal for Teddy to be talking to in any way, but she's willing to let him work out his issues how he so chooses. She doesn't pry much because she understands a lot through observation than most people.

Thank you for all of your comments. You really understand just what I'm going for with this. This review is just amazing!


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Review #13, by Yoshi_Kitten Springtime

31st August 2014:
Okay, I just cried reading this. I had to put it down and way away for a few and then come back to it... I'm having one of those weird, coincidence moments right now. You see; a family friend of ours just died of a heart attack yesterday. My mom & him were really close, so we spent the whole day today out at their house, partying and having a great time with the family, celebrating Gaboo's life... And then I come home, log onto the forums, and spot your swap request. I come here to read and THIS is what I get: a story about death and funerals, lol. Given all that, this chapter really resonated with me just now. I can absolutely relate to the loneliness and abandonment that Teddy was feeling in that moment when he was at his parent's grave... It gave me chills! And then at the end, when she went so peacefully. It was beautiful, to say the least, and I was really moved by it... That's just one of those weird coincidences life has a habit of throwing at you some times, you know? ^_^; (And I sweat to you that I am NOT making this up.)

Okay, so my theories from the last review were WAY off, lol! Idk why, but for some reason I was thinking that there were going to be a lot more than three chapters to this when I started reading. Honestly, I'm sad that this was the last chapter. I think I am really gonna miss your emo Teddy, and Amy as well. I liked her character a lot in this tho. I really admire her courage and the strength she showed throughout this whole thing. She was quirky, and a perfect soul-mate for Teddy Lupin in this story. I wish they could have had more time together tho. I'm glad she was real tho, and not a figment of his imagination. But I really wanted them to get their happy ending! *cries* :'(

Your writing style is so unique, Joey. (Yeah, I may or may not have stalked your MTA page when I got done reading this story, lol. I see you like being on a 1st-name basis tho; so hi: I'm Deana!!) Anyway, I love your attention to detail when you are writing your setting descriptions. The opening paragraph for this chapter was so well-written! I love the way you painted such a perfect atmosphere of a November day with your words there. Well done!! Thanks again for the swap. I've had such a long day today, but this story has really comforted me. It was nice to come home, sit back and just chill with a good fic to read. This is exactly what I needed tonight, so THANK YOU!! Not just for review-swapping with me; but for writing such a daring, bold, and deeply unique story to even begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed reading every second of this! And I really do hope that you win that challenge, Joey. You totally deserve it, so best of luck!! =)

100/10 (We should totally do this again some time... SOON, haha!!)
~Deana~

Oh, and by the way, I know this is random... But are you having a banner made for this story yet? Cuz I just really feel, like, in the mood to make something right now, lol!! Its been a while since I've done a banner for a dark/angsty story like this one, so I would love to give it a go if you don't already got something else lined up... Got any actors in mind for who could possibly portray Teddy and/or Amy in this fic? ;)

Author's Response: I have never put anything in the 'Reviews that Made your day thread' but I posted this review there and for good reason. This simply, and quite literally, made my day. The fact that you felt a personal connection and felt moved even.. well that's everything I ever started writing for. Giving someone chills is not something I think I have ever done. I can't even start telling you what that means to me.

And I have a coincidence of my own. In the midst of working on this chapter, one of my friends passed away after I pretty long fight against cancer. So, since mactabilicus was a thinly veiled stand in for a kind of "Wizarding cancer," this story got a lot more personal from that point on. The end was a little difficult to write after that, needless to say. So, that may have contributed to the emotion behind it, since it was largely very real. I'm so thankful that it could resonate with you. I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't have to miss either one of them too badly because I'm bring them back! I'm using this to spawn an entire collection of works within this universe. I'm not sure what I'll bring Amy back in quite yet, but I've decided upon writing a story centered upon Teddy's time at Hogwarts, in order to really flesh out his backstory and give more explanation as to how he ended up how we see him in this story. I hope that sounds like it'd be to your interest!

I wanted to portray Amy as a very strong young woman who took everything in stride. She may have seemed a bit too clean cut in this story even. But that's because it's from Teddy's point of view and he clearly has on rose tinted glasses when it comes to Amy. Also, soul-mate is a HUGE word, but I welcome it!!

Haha I appreciate all stalking of my MTA. It is there as a reference point after all! Unique is amazing praise to receive. Thank you so much! I mean, what do I even say to you thanking me for writing a 'daring, bold and deeply unique story'?? I can't even begin to thank you. You've given me so much confidence in my writing tonight. This review is so perfect. I'm going to cherish it forever. We definitely should do this again soon! I have a lot of stories planned, so we'll have plenty of opportunities.

I don't have a banner in place yet at all! If you could make me one that would be so amazing of you! I always saw Teddy as Cameron Monaghan and Amy as Michelle Trachtenberg. Thank you so much for the banner offer and this review!


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Review #14, by Yoshi_Kitten Williams' Bookshop

30th August 2014:
BAHAHAA!!! My roommate just came home from work and literally started watching the “Merlin” TV show on Netflix while I was reading this story!!! I just died, hahaha!!! XD

Anyhow, back to you review. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Merlin at first. The idea of someone having a friendship with this corporeal being is spooky, to say the least. I am still wondering if this Merlin is a figment of Teddy's imagination or not tho. I can see now why Teddy considers him as such a close friend tho. They really get along well, and he seems to be good for Teddy to talk to. I like their Riddles, btw. Forgot to comment on that in my last review, lol. And speaking of Riddles, I also found it interesting that you put Teddy in Ravenclaw. It makes sense, given how intelligent he seems. (:

"Most people would probably say 'Merlin knows' at this point, but it so happens that I do not," he joked. OMG, this just cracked me up SO much, haha!! Freaking BRILLIANT!!! =D

If Teddy is 19, why does he have homework? Is he in some sort of wizard college or something?? I think I might have missed something there, lol??

Oh hey, look; Amy's back, yay!! I was really happy to see her back in this chapter again. I think that she is a perfect match for Teddy in this story. I hope that they end up together – providing that this Amy chick is a REAL person, and not just someone who lives inside of Teddy's head, lol. I mean, I really do hope that she is real, but there was something about the way that she just showed up exactly as he was preparing to leave that makes me wonder. That and the way that she jjst agrees and goes along with everything that he says and does... Idk tho, because she did help him get out of that Funeral situation last chapter. The security guy could obviously see her, which would suggest to her realness... But I have this theory brewing tho that, perhaps, this whole entire thing is happening inside of Teddy's head (but why should that mean that is isn't real, haha!!) You see what I just did there? =P

Sorry, it's late and I am hyper right now. Like, the kind of hyper you get when you've been up ALL day and are running on 3-4 hours of sleep, lol!! So if this seems super-random then I really must apologize. ^_^'

The bookstore scene was really cute! Probly my favorite moment of this whole entire story so far. I loved their game, and Amy's answer – ROTFL!! That was awesome! I am totally going to have to play this game the next time I am in a Bookstore now, haha!!

Okay, forget EVERYTHING I just said, lol! The graveyard scene is now my favorit, by far!! OMGosh, that was beautiful!! I am now leaning more on the side of Amy being real too, haha!! And she called Teddy her boyfriend. *squee!!* Good for them. I was hoping they would end up together. Also, I loved Amy's reaction to meeting Teddy's parents. She truly is the most perfect match for him. Please, please, PLEASE tell me that they get a happy ending!! I am rooting for them now, lol. =D

And then there was that illness bomb. BOOM!! You just hit me right in the feels, lol. Oh no, now I am sad again. Although, I loved you original idea/name for this magical incurable disease. You are very creative and I really like your style. I wanna read more of your stuff now after this. Honestly, I love how this story is developing. I think I shall go and add this one to my favorites now!! See ya in the next chapter!! (:

100/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: That's hilarious!! I love moments like that.

I am glad that Teddy and Merlin's conversations work well. They definitely should be able to talk and joke with each other, being best friends and all. Thank you about the riddles too! That was another piece of ostentatious symbolism. I tried to do some literary things with this. I'm not sure how they worked out but I tried! This Teddy only felt right doing into Ravenclaw to me, for some reason.

I was a little bit proud of that joke, not gonna lie :P

Oh no! Teddy doesn't have homework! He and Merlin were just joking around about the riddle haha, sorry for any confusion there.
The fact that you think they are a perfect match makes me happier than you know. And I'll assure you now, Amy is very real. I wouldn't do THAT to my readers haha. I did appreciate that little bit of Harry Potter humor :D

Trust me, I understand. I'm answering this review at 7 in the morning and I'm very close to crashing.

If you play that game I will be very proud to have someone using one of my ideas in real life. That makes me seem like a real writer with fans and such lol.

Beautiful is one of my favorite compliments!! Thank you! And they do end up together and are happy for a while, but of course, the whole happy ending part.. well.. I'm sorry *hides face*

Mactabilicus wasn't something I wanted to give Amy honestly. I would have been pretty happy writing her and Teddy happy forever, but I had to :/

Thank you for all of your incredible compliments and for saying that you want to read more of my stuff, that's so nice of you!


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Review #15, by Yoshi_Kitten Cousin Larry

30th August 2014:
Hey there, here for our Review swap!! I'm pretty excited about this one too, haha!! ;)

Okay, wow, so your Teddy is truly VERY morbid here!! Truthfully tho, it didn't really bother me as much as I think it normally would. I have a brother who is a lot like this, so I guess his behavior didn't shock me as much since I've dealt with it before in RL. It's funny, cuz my brother is an artist as well, and he writes poetry and song lyrics too... My mom and step-dad were similar to Harry and Ginny here too, in that they eventually just accepted it as a part of who he is. And that's the thing; some people just have a totally different view on life and death than others. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the person, just because he or she likes things that most would consider to be “Morbid”. My brother, for example, is extremely intelligent and quite gifted in his art and writing, as is Teddy here in this fic... Sorry if it seems like I am rambling like a lunatic, lol!! I can just really relate to Teddy in this fic so far, and you have caused me to THINK!! This story already feels like it's going to be pretty deep.

So Teddy is funeral crashing, huh? Okay, so that one threw me a little, I will admit. That was nice of Amy to bail him out tho. Will we be seeing any more of her? She seemed nice, I really liked her a lot. How old is she? Is she Teddy's age or older? And what is up with Merlin? Is he, like, Teddy's imaginary friend or something?? SOO many questions, haha!! Guess I will just have to read on to find out!! I have never heard the song or seen the movie that this is associated with, so everything was pretty new to me here. I like where this is going so far tho, I must say. I was pleasantly surprised by this!! It's interesting and different from anything else I've ever read on this site, and I cannot wait to read more. Thanks so much for posting this swap!!

10/10
~Deana~

P.S. Another reviewer (Ribbons, I believe) mentioned “Starving Artists” and she is SO right!! OMGosh, I thot of the exact same story when I first started reading this and saw that Teddy was drawing, lol!! Except, instead of Scorpius, your Teddy in this reminds me more of her character 'Nameless Brooding Barry' haha!!! If you haven't read that story before you should definitely go and look it up ASAP. It will change your life, haha!! =P

Author's Response: Hi!

It's so interesting that your brother is similar to this Teddy! Especially hearing that they're both artists and (luckily) both were eventually accepted as they were. Part of why I wrote this in the particular way I did was to show that Teddy isn't necessarily wrong. He doesn't do on a killing spree. He isn't harming anybody. He's just a little bit morbid, that's all. I'm so glad that you have that personal connection to it. I hope I managed to make this story reach a certain level of deepness. I did set out to address some fairly heavy topics.

Well as you now know, we do see much more of Amy. She's Teddy's age. And Merlin. Well, Merlin is a lot of things. Actually, another reviewer tonight correctly guessed exactly what I attempted to do with him. But above all, he was Teddy's best friend. Of course, that can be read in multiple different ways ;D

I actually plan on taking a look at Starving Artists since I am getting so many recommendations! I'm interested in what it'll be like now.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!


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Review #16, by Unicorn_Charm Cousin Larry

29th August 2014:
Hiya!

Wow this was really interesting. I don't know if I would have ended up reading this if I just stumbled across it, I don't normally read Teddy stories. But I'm glad that I've read it. This was so morbid and I loved it! I've read Teddy in other next-gen stories, that usually have Rose as the main character, and I've never seen him like this. Usually he's goofy like his mother, not this dark, almost goth-type kid. It makes me wonder why and how he ended up this way. Obviously growing up without his parents must have been hard, but he at least grew up with a loving support system, unlike Harry. It's really, really unique and cool to see a different take on how growing up an orphan could effect Teddy's personality.

I also really enjoyed how you don't have him with Victoire. That there is this original character, Amy, who helped him while being caught funeral crashing.

I've never seen the movie this is based on, so everything is entirely new to me here. I have a feeling that Merlin may not quite exist. That he may just be a figment of his imagination. But I'm assuming I will have to continue reading to find out for sure.

I really enjoyed this so far. It definitely kept my interest the entire chapter and had me wanting to read on. :) Well done on the first chapter!

Thanks for doing the swap with me!

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hey!

Funnily enough, I'm not a huge fan of Teddy stories myself. He's always a bit too perfect for my tastes. I can't say that this story delves into how he ended up this way, but it gives a few hints. I'm planning on possibly writing a prequel to this though and that'd definitely explore that angle in full.

I'm so glad that you like Amy. I didn't think it would be any fun to saddle him with Victoire in this story.

All I will say is that I took special care with Merlin as a character. The idea of him is very important to this story, I think.
It's awesome that you enjoyed this! Thanks for the swap!


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Review #17, by AlexFan Cousin Larry

27th August 2014:
Well I’ve certainly never read a story in which Teddy Lupin draws himself dying in various ways. I can see why Harry and Ginny were worried however, I’d be pretty concerned if my kid was depicting his death in different ways. It’s refreshing to read a story in which Teddy doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s not the perfect boy who’s got his career figured out and is making a lot of money. I like how he got himself kicked out of the Auror training program for beating up another Auror that deserved what he said (Although I think a, “Yeah, and you’re pretty subpar coming from a family with no werewolves,” would’ve sufficed just as well).

I thought your description of Merlin was a bit vague because it gave me absolutely no idea of what exactly he was. Is he a painting or some other kind of being that didn’t want to move onto the land of the dead? What is going on with Merlin? That being said, I thought adding in Merlin was a really unique idea. He seemed like the perfect friend for someone like Teddy who is interested in death.

I think you’ve definitely got an interesting idea here, your Teddy is certainly different than most and I quite enjoyed reading about him. I hope that as the story goes on you go into more depth about where his fascination with death and the dead comes from. Was it sparked by his parents and now he’s wondering the different ways that one can die? What is going on inside of Teddy Lupin's head?

Author's Response: I really liked writing this Teddy that doesn't have it all together. I definitely set out to write something that no one had ever read before, so I'm glad that worked the way I wanted it to!

Merlin in this story and especially this chapter is supposed to be a bit of a mystery. His character is definitely up to interpretation. I've gotten a lot of guesses as to what he is, but I think this is the first time I've seen someone guess that he's a painting!

It's so great that you found my idea interesting! I can't say that I unravel Teddy and his strange fascinations completely in this story, (some of that is saved for the prequel) but I will say that his parents played a part in his obsession with all things death related.

Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #18, by Ribbons Cousin Larry

19th August 2014:
Hello!

I have just finished reading two VERY different Teddys, and I thought I would like one of them better, seeing as one was a bit of a bumbling idiot and the other was a death-loving weirdo (sorry). You know what? I love them both.

I guess it just goes to show how wonderful writing can be.

Okay, down to business. This fic felt very new, very fresh, with a taste of the Scorpious from Starving Artists in there (by the INCREDIBLE peppersweet, whom I adore). That's not to say that this is a mini SA, just that there is a breath of greatness in your Teds that gives him incredible life, even if he's obsessed with death.

The mood was so careful and subtle that it also reminded me of Skins. I don't know if you're familiar with that show, but it's really, REALLY great. Especially the first gen.

A few critiques (watch out...here they come...) are that you just kind of SPRUNG Merlin on us. At the very end of the chapter, after a beautiful moment of beauty involving the ever-lovely Amy, and her extreme interestingness, there was this random ghost/old dude who makes weird bad jokes. Like, where did he come from?

I don't know if he's a super-duper important character, I just felt like he was really sudden and kind of took away from his wonderful encounter with Amy.

My favorite part? Amy calling him Cousin Larry (I guess you thought that was good too because that's the name of the chapter).

So, I'm going to read the next few chapters when I can because I really, really, really liked this fic, and I'm giving you a suggestion to read 'The Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge by pointless_proclamations' because the main character has strains of your Teddy in her, or he has strains of her...you get what I mean.

HEAPS AND HEAPS OF LOVE

Alena

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm excited that you loved Teddy! I was afraid he'd be a bit *too* strange for people. New and fresh is always a good thing. I haven't read Starving Artists, but Scorpius and my favorite character to read so I'll definitely check it out.

I'm absolutely shocked that you just compared my writing to Skins. I absolutely love that show and I just can't even imagine anyone saying that - thank you so much!

Even your critique made me smile haha. 'Extreme interestingness' is one of my favorite descriptions of Amy yet!! But, I hope Merlin comes to make a little bit more sense to you as the story goes on. He plays a role in this jumbled mess I call a story, in the end.

I put a lot of thought into each of the chapter titles actually. I'm kind of nit-picky with them having symbolism and meaning and all of that.

It's amazing that you're coming back to read the next two chapters!! Thank you so much :)
Also, it's funny that you suggest 'The Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge' because I actually beta for that story currently. I do adore Annett.

Thank you for an awesome review Alena!


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Review #19, by Veritaserum27 Williams' Bookshop

14th August 2014:
Hi Crestwood!

I'm here for our review swap.

Ok. So I wasn't so sure about Merlin at the end of last chapter. The relationship seemed wholly unhealthy - your best and only friend being a long dead, but admittedly eternally interesting famous Wizard. But now, I'm quite sure that I'm in love with him. As a side note, I told the riddle from the end of last chapter at the dinner table the other night - and my littlest guy was the one who solved it first! Haha! I love the banter between Merlin and Teddy and I love that Merlin is learning sarcasm. I don't remember (sorry!) if you mentioned in the first chapter that Teddy was sorted into Ravenclaw, but I'll comment on it here. I think this adds another layer to Teddy's feelings of alienation. His mother was a Hufflepuff, his father a Gryffindor. His godfather and all of Harry's family were also Gryffindors. This must've made Teddy feel like a bit of an outcast from the tender age of eleven. Although it appears that he embraces this distinction, it also makes him different, yet again, from those closest to him.

Amy is a sweetheart and I'm really hoping that you haven't decided to make her the figment of his imagination instead. The way she meets and responds to him make them a great match for each other. Where others seem to focus on what makes him different or what is 'wrong' with him, Amy chooses to highlight his uniqueness without commenting on his strange obsessions.

Also loved the book scene. Those novels are so ingrained in my head, I was laughing out loud at your 'wizard interpretations' of the titles. They were perfect!

My only cc at this point (SUPER tiny) is that I think it is a little weird that they would be dating for four months and she not know his last name. I like this line:

It'd been four months since their first trip to Williams' Bookshop and the way the days were gradually heating up mirrored the relationship between Amy and Teddy quite nicely.

But it implies that they've gotten to know each other really well - which, to me, would at least include full names. I think you could mention that all of their dates include meeting at an agreed upon location like the bookshop and that they always kept their meetings to afternoon visits (or something like that - this is totally off the cuff) BUT I think it would be a little nice foreshadowing for the complete BOMB you drop on us later on in the chapter - on to that in a minute.

The scene in the cemetery was beautiful. Another example of how Amy is just so unflappable. You've already shown us her view on death and how she isn't scared by it, just accepting. Which NOW leads me to the evil twist you added. Ugh! I actually thought you were going to say that she was a mental patient at St. Mungo's (the foreshadowing being "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"), so I'm relieved that she isn't some crazy multi-personality witch who is going to try to stalk Teddy and give him one of the deaths he drew and permanently stuck on his wall. Or is that what happens? I never can tell with you...

But this is so sad! And even though you brought back my favorite character, Merlin, at the end - complete with witty sarcasm and all, I'm still hurting on the inside.

Great job, great chapter.

Beth

Author's Response: Hey!

Merlin is probably the easiest character I've ever had to write. He just kind of writes himself it feels like. Maybe because the whole idea of him as a character is a little ridiculous so I feel I can let loose a bit more haha. It's really awesome that you told the riddle from last chapter at the dinner table! I love those kinds of brainteasers. And you picked up on the Ravenclaw thing! I was planning a prequel in Hogwarts with Teddy and that was something I planned to make a plot point actually. He's grown to embrace it by the time this story rolls around though.

I knew that this story was going to have to be really short in order for me to meet the deadline for the challenge, but I really wanted to get a lot across about Amy and Teddy's relationship in a small amount of words. So, it's awesome that you picked up on what I wanted the reader to understand about Amy.

The book scene took so long to write because I kept looking for book titles that would sound funny to Wizards but I also wanted readers to have heard of them as well. I'm glad it was worth it haha.

I thought it was a little weird, but I tried to justify it by telling myself that if he was avoiding mentioning his last name that she wouldn't press the issue. I just relied on him being a secretive kind of guy and her not being a prying kind of person. That only half makes sense honestly.

That may be the first time someone's called my writing beautiful, wow. Thank you for that. It's so funny that you said you can never tell with me. I guess this story is a bit out there so far! I'll let you ponder if Amy will go on a rampage or not :)

I'm sorry for hurting you on the inside! I wish I could tell you it gets less sad, but...that'd be the biggest lie I've ever told.

Also, calling Merlin your favorite character (!!!) made me so happy. Thank you for this amazing review, you're the absolute best.


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Review #20, by Red_headed_juliet Cousin Larry

12th August 2014:
First let me say so so so sorry this took so long. Computers are not my friend right now.

Anyways, I love it. Hands down absolutely love it. He is hilarious. Your characterization of Teddy is completely original and unique, and took me quite by surprise as I've never seen the movie before.

At first I thought McLaren had died from the blazing curse, and that was the funeral he was attending. I was a bit alarmed, but then it made sense. I'm going to guess that Merlin is a figment of his imagination? Amy seems quite promising and quirky as well.

I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors, so kudos on that. I'm horrible at editing so my things are normally chalk full of them.

I will certainly be continuing with this next chance I get. Thanks so much for the swap!

Author's Response: It's absolutely fine! I've taken much longer before haha.

It makes me so happy that you like Teddy's characterization! I was afraid people would be a bit put off actually.

I never thought about people thinking that Teddy killed Michael but now that I think about it, the implication is there. Teddy isn't quite THAT dark though, luckily.

I have a solid answer about Merlin but I'm not sure if I really wrote it into this story honestly. And Amy is just a bunch of fun to write.

I'm glad you liked this, thanks for the swap!


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Review #21, by Phoenix_Flames Cousin Larry

10th August 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your review as requested!

Let me just say right off the bat, wow! Really, wow. You were right; this story is quite unusual, but it has definitely caught my interest. I'm very curious as to why Teddy is so interested in funerals, or if there's any reasoning behind that at all. At first, I was shocked and caught off guard that he crashed funerals and drew pictures of himself deceased, but as I thought about it, I realized that may not be all that peculiar, considering that both of his parents are dead. This is an incredibly unique portrayal. I also am not aware of the novel you said this was inspired by, so I have no idea where you're going with this but I'm eager to find out!

This was, all in all, very interesting, and I don't quite know what to say as of yet because I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Throwing in the girl was an interesting twist. I want to know what made Teddy catch her eye and why she decided to approach him. I'm also very curious about this Merlin character. Something unusual and unique definitely seems to be going on there, and I'm very intrigued to find out what!

The way you went about this chapter was lovely. You really have a very nice writing style. It flowed together wonderfully and it kept me intrigued. I really don't think I saw any grammatical mistakes, so that's wonderful! It also had just about the right amount of descriptions as well. I loved reading that he was an auror for some time until he punched McLaggen. Reading anecdotes like that in stories are often my favorite because I think they develop the character so much and make everyone more relatable. It just pulls me into the story even more!

So really great job! I really don't have any CC for you because you really did a great job. And it's an incredibly unique story! I can definitely say that there is not another one like it on the site, and you definitely pulled it off and captured my interest! I'm very intrigued to see where this goes.

Thanks so much for requesting. I know I didn't have all that much CC to offer, but I hope this review helped you in some way! Feel free to come back and request the next chapter! I'd love to see where this goes!

Author's Response: Hello!

I don't even know how to respond to this review. I'm pretty much speechless right now. This is one of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten. Both Amy's initial interest in Teddy and who or what Merlin is are explored in the next two chapters, but I'm afraid I didn't quite get around to answering all of the questions I raised. (I am considering some follow up stories to this though)

Thank you for the compliments on my writing style, I spent a lot of time trying to perfect it here! I could probably write a good number of stories about these characters because I've got so many anecdotes like the McLaggen incident in my mind about them, even if they didn't make it into this story.

I don't mind your lack of CC at! This way I can try and continue whatever it is I'm doing right. I am SO grateful for your compliments and I will definitely be back to re-request!


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Review #22, by Veritaserum27 Cousin Larry

8th August 2014:
I'm so glad that I signed on to the forums and that you posted when you did because I have wanted to review something of yours for a while.

This was a really different portrayal of Teddy and I was definitely intrigued. Your details about his character were fantastic and revealing without being tedious. I can tell why you chose the name "Morbid" for the title. It seems that Teddy doesn't even know why he acts the way he does, but he doesn't seem to be too worried about it.

I feel like the underlying theme is that Teddy feels very alone. He is an orphan, after all and obviously really sensitive about it - hence his (well deserved) outburst at McLaggen. Also, he has a fascination with death - not just his own, as is evidenced by the frequent visits to the funeral parlor. This is a very interesting obsession Maybe that word is too strong, but he does permanently stick pictures (Ooo! Is that a commentary on the permanence of death?!) on his wall of himself dying in various ways... I think that in itself would also distance him from peers. Most people would find that an odd pastime.

His response to meeting Amy was interesting. It seems like he feels attached to her on some other level. Maybe it is because she has a less than typical view of death, having to deal with it on a regular basis - or maybe it is because she just plain gave him a chance. Not even knowing who he was, she stood up for him AND showed him her fun side.

So I'm gonna guess that Merlin is Teddy's imaginary friend. It makes sense that he would create someone to have conversations with, especially when he doesn't have any other friends. Also, Merlin appears to be an intellectual equal for Teddy - giving him riddles to solve (loved it, by the way). Besides, with an imaginary friend, you can justify all of your unusual obsessions.

There were a few word choices that I thought could have been revised. This line:

...I can't truthfully say it feels like my loss at all," Amy responded truthfully.

I would try to replace one of the "truthfully." I am totally guilty of this, too. That may be why I noticed it. Really not a big deal.

Great job on writing something that is very original. I have never read anything like this before. I did listen to the song (first time I've ever done that for an author - don't you feel special?).

I also really liked the pacing of this. It would have been easy to draw this story out by several chapters, but I appreciated some serious action in the first one. It was just enough to have the reader question what is going to happen next AND want to learn more about this fascinating main character.

Thanks for doing a review swap!

Beth

Author's Response: Hey Beth!

I agree that Teddy doesn't really think very much about how he acts. I feel as though he just finds it all kind of funny even. You've really understood what I was trying to say about Teddy in this first chapter. You even caught my idea about him permanently sticking his deaths on his wall. He definitely didn't want anyone to be able to just unstick them from the wall and forget about them, because what kind of death would that be?

Teddy definitely finds a certain level of interest in Amy. Her views on death, the way she didn't immediately find him concerning, all of that excites him more than anything else.

Merlin is probably my most ostentatious try at symbolism in this story. Especially the riddles. It's good that it doesn't come off as too pretentious haha.

Yes, that sentence is really troublesome. I should probably fix up a few words here or there in this story.

I do feel special that you listened to the song! One line in particular inspired me a lot, "I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid." It seemed to fit this pretty well.
I'm happy that you liked the pacing, I was afraid it'd be too fast since I was writing under a deadline.

Thank you so much for all of the praise and thank you for the swap!


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Review #23, by toomanycurls Cousin Larry

8th August 2014:
Hello!!!

I'm quite intrigued by your characterization of Teddy. I feel horrible that he grew up labeled as a trouble child - though based on the chapter I can see why that would happen. I think his parents' deaths would have a huge impact on him growing up and you've explored that quite well.

I'm really impressed with how you've managed to give Teddy a believable set up quirks and behaviors within just one chapter.

So, I was happy that he blasted McLaggen, even if it cost him his auror training.

I really love the scene with Teddy at the funeral. Amy is pretty cool to just cover for him. Yes, Teddy should have remembered to disguise himself. Though, I'm not sure why the funeral director would be so upset (unless he's like Donnie Pfaster - DON'T MAKE HIM LIKE DONNIE. Uh, that's completely random unless you're an x-files fan). But, um, yeah, generally I don't see the harm in attending funerals. As weird as their meeting was, I am rooting for Teddy and Amy to have more than a singular exchange.

woah. I wasn't expecting Teddy to have an imaginary friend. Nice touch with it being Merlin though. Oh dear. Please don't let him be crazy.

Amazing chapter!!

-Rose

Author's Response: Hey!

I choose Teddy for this challenge specifically because his parents' deaths were so tragic. I wanted to show that never knowing one's parents can have a wide range of effects on a child. Teddy's kind of the anti-Harry in that way.

I think the funeral director assumed that Teddy was there kind of as a joke. As in, making fun of the grieving families, generally causing trouble. Being a teenager doesn't help his case either.

I'm very happy with myself for thinking of the idea of Merlin. It was kind of a joke at first. It may still be a joke. Anyway, I'm glad you liked this, the praise means so much coming from you! (it's no secret that I'm a fan)


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Review #24, by AdinaPuff Williams' Bookshop

3rd August 2014:
Joey!

This story truly is incredibly different. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I love it. But I'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad... maybe a bit of both. GAH you're playing with my emotions. Amy is so perfect for Teddy, in every way shape or form. I know I wouldn't talk to Merlin if I were her. I probably would have told him he needs help... but this is a magical world, and Amy seems like a magical girl, in Teddy's eyes. And she's perfect for him. I love how well you're creating your world and characters. I love it! So so much.

I'll be back I'm sure for chapter three!

Thanks for the swap :)

-Leigh

Author's Response: Hey Leigh!

I am so relieved that you don't know if this is happy or sad, that was kind of my intention. I will say that the next chapter tips the scale in one of those directions pretty heavily haha.

You saying that Amy is perfect for Teddy is probably the highest compliment I've ever gotten about my writing. I was nervous that their relationship wouldn't come off as genuine enough, but wow, that compliment is everything I could have hoped for. Just, thank you so much for this swap, this review made me feel amazing.


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Review #25, by Dirigible_Plums Cousin Larry

3rd August 2014:
Not entirely sure that I understand just what is going on with Teddy but I can definitely say that I'm interested

Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm really glad I've caught your interest!

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