Reading Reviews for Morbid
  
50 Reviews Found

Review #1, by EnigmaticEyes16 Springtime

18th January 2015:
Me again. Instead of being all over the place I'm going to try to review this chapter section by section...

Okay, so now we know Amy lives at home. Although I'm concerned as to why her house is so quiet. Where are her parents? Or does she live alone? And was this all an act? A planned roleplay on both sides or just hers? And why does he get so upset at how she wants to die? It seems unlike him, yet I suppose it is like him, since he does seem to be more interested in gruesome deaths if you consider his drawings...

Aww, poor Teddy! I hope he didn't damage the headstones too much. But I'm glad Merlin was there to stop him and maybe make him finally see that's he's not alone. But of course, to grow up without parents has to be difficult...

Now, this is getting really sad. We all knew that Amy's disease was going to mean death but it's unimaginable what that kind of thing does to someone. I know I'd be terrified if that was me. But it's so sweet how Teddy doesn't let this get to him, he just sees it as a challenge to make every day worth her while. This story is currently reminding me a lot of A Walk to Remember.

This story is seriously making me want to cry. I love how caring Teddy is and that he spends practically every day all day with her even when her parents can't bare to visit her anymore. But it's so incredibly sad that she can't even remember who he is, even though she remembers him when he says things to remind her of him, but even then she doesn't recognize that he is Teddy. And even though it means she'll die sooner, I can't help but understand that she's hates coming off the drugs, and hates not being able to remember all the amazing things Teddy does for her when she's on them.

This is literally the saddest ending I've read in a while. I've only known the characters for a short time but it's almost heartwrenching to see them go. Again, I love how Teddy sticks with her to the end. Just imagine if they had never met, she probably would have ended up dying alone. But it's terrible that Teddy has the lose his two closest friends simultaneously. I knew he was going to lose Amy, but I did not see the bit with Merlin coming. I like how he joins her on her departure, as if he's her guardian angel or something, but it's sad to see him go with her. I'm not quite sure how well Teddy will take it, but hopefully he'll be able to move on with his life and make both Amy and Merlin proud by doing something worthwhile with it, instead of going back to shutting himself up in his room. I really would like to see maybe a sequel of what he does next...

This was an all around amazing story and I'm so glad I read it! I'm definitely going to have to take the time to watch Restless at some point because it sounds like a really good movie. Thank you so much for bringing the idea of the Hot Seat to the Pit, I hope you've enjoyed all the extra attention and reviews!

xxNix

 Report Review

Review #2, by EnigmaticEyes16 Williams' Bookshop

18th January 2015:
This is so cute! I've never seen (or heard of, to be honest) the movie Restless before but now I want to watch it. I love that after so long of only having one friend, who's been dead forever, that Teddy's attached himself to someone new. And I really adore April and the way she takes in everything about him very calmly and doesn't freak out. I thought it was really sweet how she handled meeting Teddy's parents and finding out who he really is. And same goes for when he tells her about Merlin. Although I am very curious about the deadly disease she has, and how she manages to leave St. Mungo's all the time. I wonder if she's allowed to leave or if she's just really good at sneaking out. I'm also very curious as to her health considering this disease seems to be very serious. Now I'm wondering if she really walks so slowly to take everything in like Teddy thinks or if she simply doesn't have the energy to walk fast. But then she does run for quite a bit in the last chapter so maybe she does just like taking her time. I don't know. And I'm more curious about the girl who died now, too, since now we know her and April must have been patients in the hospital together, and she must have watched twelve other of her fellow patients die... it gives the story a newfound sadness.

P.S. I love Merlin's sarcasm.

And now I must go on to the next chapter!

Also, random thought, but after reading this story and The Art of Small Talk, if you're into hospital dramas I think you might like the show Red Band Society which is based around a group of teenagers who are patients in a hospital...just a thought.

xxNix

 Report Review

Review #3, by EnigmaticEyes16 Cousin Larry

18th January 2015:
Hello again.

All your stories are so different, yet so intriguing, I don't know how you do it, lol. So far I'm really enjoying Teddy's character and his fascination with death. I think it's kind of funny how he has all these drawings he's done of himself dying in numerous ways all over his bedroom walls, and yet there doesn't seem to be anything really wrong with him. I can definitely see how it would be disconcerting for Harry and Ginny though. And if only McLaggen had kept his mouth shut, he'd be an Auror by now! And from what it sounds like, probably a fairly good one, too. So clearly he must be very smart and level-headed under pressure.

I also love his fascination with funerals and watching strangers cry over lost loved ones. I remember writing character with a similar interest once, but it took a much more depressing tone... But I enjoyed meeting April and how she saved him from the vocal thrashings of the funeral director, you'd think he'd wait until the funeral was over and people were leaving before causing a scene like that. I like how April, not knowing him, still felt the need to save him and steer him clear of the funeral home.

I thought April and Teddy are both very cute together so far and I can't wait to read on and see what happens with that. I also love how Merlin is randomly in this story, too! Even if he may be a hallucination or merely a figment of Teddy's overly creative imagination. I'm definitely going to have to read on to see how this story goes!

xxNix

 Report Review

Review #4, by Maelody Springtime

12th January 2015:
Now that my heart is shattered across the floor and I've picked everything up...

OK! So, in case you were wondering before, I'm in love with this story, and more particularly your style of writing. There's something always so unfinished about it, that it completes the story. What I mean by that is, we don't need all the details. We don't need to see everything as it comes along. Sometimes things just happen, and life goes on. I love that in your writing, but especially in this story.

When I first opened this chapter up, I was sad, but extremely confused. I thought she was dying, but everything was so out of place and their words seemed forced. Then it made perfect sense that she was practicing her death. It just the few couple chapters we've had, it makes absolute sense that Amy would try to go that way.

Seeing Teddy lose it though was what shattered my heart the most. The fact that he took solace in firewhisky, and then crushed his parents' headstones made me want to reach out and stop him. Especially since he was missing out on Amy being brought into Mungo's. I was expecting the scene to be the one where Merlin gets punched in the face though, so I'm glad we get to see Teddy break down and drop the sledgehammer rather than punch his best friend in the face. ;)

I had hoped that she would get to leave the hospital for at least a few of those five months, but I guess their adventures had to consist of staying in bed in the hospital. It's no way I'd want to go, but I guess she had no choice. It's sad to know her parents couldn't bear to be there for her, but they had the opinion of her 'suicide' in their minds pretty well. I'm just glad she had someone like Teddy by her side the whole time.

I think I first started to cry though when he started telling her that his favorite animal was the Griffon and she went on about it being like her boyfriend. At first I was a little confused because I thought they were just teasing one another, then I realized she didn't know she was actually talking to Teddy.

Then those last two beautiful weeks happened. I knew Merlin was there for a reason. I only wish he could have warned Teddy sooner. No wonder his life seemed so prominent around death. He had Merlin leading him to the life he would need to take with him. It was heartbreaking that he had to lose not only his girlfriend who he loved, but his only best friend that actually understood him.

Seriously though, I'm wiping away tears as I write this. This had such a beautiful story and message in it. I can't wait to actually see the film, and I think that you've done it absolute justice with this piece of work. As always, great job, crestwood! :D

 Report Review

Review #5, by Maelody Williams' Bookshop

12th January 2015:
Amy pondered. Amy Pond...ered. I see what you did there :p

I love both of those books! Though I think I'd love Cuckoo's Nest a lot more if it were about Amy's description!

Quick question: Is Merlin in a younger form here? I just realized how awkward it would be for any young man to befriend a super old wizard like that (one who is around at all times anyway) so I wondered if maybe Merlin was taking on a younger form?

The part where Teddy took her to see his parents was extremely sweet. Honestly I thought he would take her to the Potters manor, but I guess he wanted to be just a little more intimate. I really like Amy as a character, too. She's so accepting and so willing to understand everything. Which with her predicament, I'd imagine she'd have to be.

When she told Teddy what was wrong with her, I loved the imagery of Teddy just standing there trying to be calm with Merlin in the background asking him what her disease was. I like that Merlin was the one who was able to keep him from saying anything else, too. It sort of changed the whole conversation without really meaning to, and Amy was supportive of it. Like she already knew that something like this from Teddy made so much sense.

I was half starting to worry that maybe Amy is another one of his 'imaginary' (in lack of better words) friends. That he bonded with another spirit. Now I'm sort of fearing that his obsession with all this death and being pulled towards it might mean something else for Teddy as a character himself.

Who knows other than you, though? Oh, and the makers/watchers of 'Restless'. I'll just have to move on to the last chapter to find out! Great job so far! I'm hooked on this one!

 Report Review

Review #6, by Maelody Cousin Larry

12th January 2015:
So I watched the trailer for Restless and I have a great urge to see it now! It looks amazing!

OK, that being said: This first chapter itself is amazing! By what I've picked up from the trailer, you've fine picked the details that anyone would gather from it. I like that it is Merlin Teddy has identified with in this version. Though I'm not exactly sure what that means for Merlin.

As for Amy I can already pick up on the fine work she'll have done on Teddy and me once this is all done. I think you've captured her free spirit remarkably well! It's a good thing the funeral director didn't recognize Teddy as the boy staying with the Potters. Or else her cousin Larry excuse wouldn't have worked out very well.

The beginning had a very haunting start to it. Each way he's imagined to die. I was curious as to why he only imagined Muggle-type deaths, but then I figured he's been doing this long enough, the wizarding possibilities have already been done and thought of.

My favorite line is this one:

"It can't be said that no one was worried; it's just that they were used to it by that point."

It sums up how Teddy gets by with being who he is perfectly.

McLaggen always has to ruin all the good things, doesn't he? I'm surprised he's even in the department. I figured Harry would have made him miserable enough to quit by now ;).

I want to leave more of a review for this chapter, but honestly, I'm too excited to keep going. I want to get to the next chapter. 'Restless' is exactly the type of story lines I like, so I know I'm going to love this!

Cheers!

~Mae

 Report Review

Review #7, by toomanycurls Williams' Bookshop

6th January 2015:
Joey - you've made me laugh and cry and then laugh.

Merlin + Teddy are a great conversation piece. I like their conflict and that they have very different voices. They poke and prod each other with quips and jabs much as I'd expect a RL best friend to do.

Teddy + Amy made my heart melt. I wish I had thought of the bookstore date idea - it sounds like a fun laugh. I might do that with my husband sometime. Amy is a remarkable person. She's accepting and fun-loving which seems to be a great mix for Teddy. So, I got the impression that Merlin was in the background when Teddy was with Amy (and even for the four months fast forward you did). And after the visit to the graveyard Merlin's reapperance seems to indicate that he is Teddy's emotional crutch/retreat.

Their visit to the graveyard was beautiful. I get the idea that Teddy doesn't open up to many people about his parents. I thought it was interesting that Amy didn't know his last name until then.

I love where you ended this. I can't wait to see how the exceptionally understanding (and dying) Amy takes this reveal.

-Rose

Author's Response: Rose! I'm pretty much prefacing all of my responses today with 'I'm so sorry I've taken so long.'

Merlin and Teddy are some of the most fun characters that I've ever written. Although a lot of people have guessed that Merlin is all in Teddy's head, he definitely doesn't have the same personality.

I'm glad that Amy and Teddy seemed like a viable match for you and even more so that you picked up on Merlin acting as his emotion crutch! You've got some pretty great critical reading skills and you just always understand what I'm getting at with everything.

Teddy is really guarded about his identity in general because people tend to feel sorry for him being a kid without parents and all, so him taking her there was a really big step for him.

Thank you so much for this amazing review, it's really appreciated as always :)


 Report Review

Review #8, by Red_headed_juliet Williams' Bookshop

6th January 2015:
"This girl seemed to be perpetually poised." For some reason, I really really like the way you've phrased this.

I'm so glad I got an excuse to come back to this! I believe this is one of the most original stories I've come across.

I'm so glad that Teddy feels comfortable enough her to take her to the graveyard. Hopefully she'll get to meet Harry and them all soon as well, though I hope her disease gives them at least some time +/ good thing he's comfortable with death? And that explains a bit about their meeting and what not.

I am going to continue on! Thank you so much for the swap

Author's Response: Hi, sorry about this late response!

Thank you, I liked that line as well :) It means so much that you think this is one of the most original stories you've come across, wow.

I'm so glad you're interested in the story so far! Thank you for the swap :)


 Report Review

Review #9, by marauderfan Springtime

2nd January 2015:
Aw, this was so sad :( I mean, I expected it to be sad, but it was like... a really beautiful kind of sad, if that makes sense. Especially THAT LAST LINE OMG. But I'll get to that.

The first section was hard to read because it was clear to me that they're both losing it, but neither of them will say it. They're both making it larger than life when they're missing the little things. At least that's how I saw it. And then poor Teddy, drinking his pain away is a horrible decision and certainly isn't going to fix anything, but he's just so lost at this point and my heart breaks for him :( And when Merlin showed up and told him that he doesn't have to be alone... it was so powerful (and it reminded me of that "it's not your fault" scene in Good Will Hunting). Gah.

I know Teddy feels bad for not going to see Amy when she needed him the most and had just been sent to St. Mungos, but it says a lot for him that he went there immediately after he heard about her. I mean, he can't have been in the best state at that point anyway, probably has a terrible hangover, but the instant he finds out, he goes to see his friend. That's such difficult news to receive but he takes it in the best way and tries to encourage her, even though the news hurts him a lot as well. Aw :(

I love that he went to see her all the time and would read to her and talk to her even when she didn't recognise him when she was on all the potions - especially when her own family wouldn't :( It's so lovely the way Teddy is able to connect with her even when she doesn't know that it's him - I just adored that scene when he tells her that he likes griffins because they're his girlfriend's favourite magical creature, and she says they remind her of a nice boy called Teddy. I can't even get over how much I love that bit.

I think Amy's desire to really live for her last two weeks was such a strong point in the story, which overall has been about figuring out how to live, I think. I'm so glad they both got a chance to say everything they wanted to say, and gah I just loved how Merlin showed up and took Amy with him. I really appreciated his role in the story. And while it's sad that Teddy lost his best friend and his girlfriend in one day, he's changed and I think the whole experience will strengthen him so he is able to recover. After being obsessed with death, and then actually seeing what it meant to live, and then having her die, the whole experience is obviously sad but has changed Teddy for the better.

AND I LOVE THE LAST LINE SO MUCH. IT's like a new beginning and it's so bittersweet which is my favourite type of story ending ;)

Such a great story, Joey!

Author's Response: Wow, I am so blown away that you went and reviewed every chapter!! I definitely know what you mean about how it's a beautiful kind of sad. This story is one of mood whiplash. I have no idea if I meant to make people happy or sad reading this. Whatever it was, I'm glad you felt something.

Oh, they're certainly losing it. I felt that scene was one of the most telling of the story. I think that was the first time Amy was acting a great deal stranger than Teddy, as it was her idea. The idea of a scripted death in light of the circumstances is a rather morbid one, for lack of a better word.

Teddy plus drinking equals a whole wealth of unfortunate things. I'm just glad that you saw that I wrote a version of that scene from Good Willing Hunting because it's one of my favorite moments in film and I just wanted to pay homage! This felt like a perfect time to do so, because Teddy really needed to be told something of that or similar sentiment at the moment.

Teddy is a complicated character, but one thing that's straightforward about him is that he'd always be there for a friend, no matter what. I think that's one of the things at the very core of his character that keeps him from failing to be human enough to sympathize with.

Writing Amy on those potions was difficult, all things considered. And how he gets her to talk about him even though she doesn't recognize that he's there gutted me. I'm not sure if I could ever write this kind of illness ever again because it was just SO SAD.

I love your interpretation of what the story was about and I am so happy you liked Merlin's role. I used him as a bit of metaphor for Death that I also turned into a real character as such. I've talked about the nuances of his character more than I have anything else I've written, I think. I always love when people come back and review this, as it means I get to talk about him again. (Is it weird to say that I've missed him?)

You really understood what I wanted the end to mean for Teddy. I do think that he was changed for the better by all this.

The last line was totally improvised and weird in that it came out of thin air. My hands acted of their own accord like Harry's wand in Deathly Hallows.

Thank you so much for this review! It was so well thought out and just wonderful ♥


 Report Review

Review #10, by marauderfan Williams' Bookshop

29th December 2014:
Hello!

Having enjoyed the first chapter of this I came by to read on, and I just love how this story is developing!

I love the conversation with Merlin. It's such a unique addition to the story and adds this really light-hearted but still slightly worrisome quality to the story. I notice that as you describe Merlin smiling, he's clearly not just a voice in Teddy's head, but an actual, physical hallucination. It almost makes me wonder if Amy is a hallucination as well? I really hope not :( Anyway, back to Merlin. The 'Merlin knows' joke hahaha.. so great. He is learning sarcasm! I really love the scenes with Merlin :p

As I get to learn more about Amy, the weirder she sounds, and the more I appreciate how perfect she is for Teddy - like, they're both a bit off, so together they just work really well - they understand each other even more for it. I love that their date was laughing at the titles of books and making up synopses, that actually sounds kind of awesome. To Kill a Mockingbird is one of my favourite books but the title would be kind of off-putting if you'd never heard anything about it, haha!

The 'meeting the parents' scene was so cute. How he talks to the headstones, and she joins in talking as if it's the most normal thing to do. These two really are such a good match! And actually when Amy said she was a patient at St. Mungo's, I thought it was going to be something else, like she was a mental patient - maybe it was the way she fits right into Teddy's strange world, or the mention of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest earlier, but the truth was far sadder.

This must be the 'wizard equivalent of cancer' you were talking about in your review for me. Ughh it's going to be so sad whyyy. :( But at the same time... I can't say I'm surprised? I mean, the title and themes thus far in the story should have given it away. Gah :(

I love the note you ended the chapter on though, with her meeting Teddy's best/only friend Merlin, and how Merlin says these things that mock Teddy, but Teddy can change whatever Merlin says because Merlin is only in Teddy's head anyway haha.

Such a good chapter! I really like this story!

Author's Response: Oh hey, you're back already!

I'm glad you like the direction of the story! And yes, Merlin is certainly not just a voice to Teddy. Although what he is…is up for debate. I've gotten some interesting guesses at different points in the story. I will say though--Amy definitely exists. Teddy isn't quite THAT delusional. So excited that you like Merlin! He was easier to write than I thought he would be :P

Hearing that Amy is perfect for Teddy is my favorite!! A pretty awesome thing to hear about your made up pairing :) TKAM is one of my favorites too! I slip things I like into my stories a lot and I'm pretty sure that's why I made up the game in the first place. I was supposed to be writing this based on a film, but I totally made up a bunch of my own scenes that would fit into the narrative.

I really twisted the old 'meeting the parents' cliché into something super morbid, but I suppose that’s only appropriate. Oh I wish Amy was only a mental patient. That'd have made things a bit easier on everyone involved, considering what she really has.

Yes, this is it. And, yes, it will be sad. Kind of a weird sad, but still sad.

I think you'll like the Amy/Merlin/Teddy interactions to come. They are very fun, to say the least.

Happy you're enjoying the story!


 Report Review

Review #11, by marauderfan Cousin Larry

24th December 2014:
Haha, I like how bluntly this story starts out. It's called 'Morbid', and it immediately starts with a noose. Is it weird that I appreciate that? ... don't answer that.

Okay, a few paragraphs in and it's not quite as funny anymore, I'm actually quite worried for Teddy. He goes to funerals in his spare time? For people he doesn't know? like, he might be BFF's with Harold from Harold and Maude? I'm really wondering what made him this way, whether it was just because most of his family died in the war, or something - but it's such a unique characteristic for him to have. And I can fully understand why Harry and Ginny and all the professionals are worried about him.

He's lucky that stranger lied for him at the funeral. What she said was surprisingly touching, about minimizing the suffering in the world staring with herself. I like that.

Merlin? ... ahaha, the narration here is just gold. He still sounded a bit behind the times, but you'll have to excuse him for that. -- :D I love it!

Ok really Joey, WHAT IS THIS STORY!? :D It's made me go from "lol" to "oh no, this is really quite worrisome" to "MERLIN'S BEARD, WHAT IS GOING ON?" within a matter of minutes. Thank you for introducing me to this story, I think this story and I are going to be friends. I love it. It's such a different story, though I'm sorry it reduced my review into a big ramble :p

Have a wonderful holiday! ♥

Author's Response: I appreciate that you appreciate it! That was pretty much my inside joke with myself. I thought--haha, what if I just opened the story this incredibly weird scene? And then, I realized that's EXACTLY what I would do.

The funeral thing is pretty concerning honestly. I'd personally say that his parents have something to do with it and that's what most people agree upon, but I don't think even I truly understand this character anymore. He took on a life of his own, I tell you.

The Amy in my head has so many random moments of insight. She's just so much fun to write.

Merlin is always fun!! I'm so glad you liked this story, it certainly is different for better or for worse. This review was just amazing :D


 Report Review

Review #12, by handknittedsweaters Springtime

23rd December 2014:
This was such a lovely quick read! Thanks :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading the whole story, I hope you liked it. Thanks for review!

 Report Review

Review #13, by handknittedsweaters Williams' Bookshop

23rd December 2014:
So unbelievably cute! I love it!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! I'm glad you liked it so much!

 Report Review

Review #14, by handknittedsweaters Cousin Larry

23rd December 2014:
This is such an interesting story! And you are such a talented writer! Very impressed!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, it means a lot that you think I'm talented!

 Report Review

Review #15, by LightLeviosa5443 Springtime

18th November 2014:
OMG JOEY WAIT THIS STORY IS COMPLETED AND IT'S ONLY THREE CHAPTERS HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THAT BEFORE?!

oh my god you are going to slay my feels here, aren't you?

No no no no. It is never good when there is ice on the ground and you knock on the door and there is no answer and then someone has to yell into the door. No that is bad. omg i'm so afraid to keep reading. Joey no. oh my god. that scene. He just threw a fit and ran and that was so mean but there was so much emotion and I hope you know that this review is not going to be coherent, but is actually just going to be a big blubbering mess.

Okay? okay.

NO DON'T GET DRUNK. Drunk is always a bad idea in situations like these. Ugh, it's breaking my heart that he's lashing out at his parents graves, and then the scene with Merlin. I had a feeling their relationship might be helpful to him at some point, but that was just heartbreaking. STOP BREAKING MY HEART JOSEPH.

Oh my god, it's breaking my heart that he's so torn up but now he's putting on a brave face for Amy and how absolutely incredible is it that he seems to be growing as a person. but oh my god her death is just going to rip him apart, isn't it? Oh my god. I don't know if I can keep reading. No okay, no I can do this. Okay. Continuing reading.

THIS IS SO SAD. OH MY GOD STOP MAKING ME CRY. How many times have I said oh my god, here? I would say oh my merlin but it doesn't feel appropriate considering Merlin is in the story. :p

He's losing his best friend and his girlfriend? Okay I'm officially sobbing now. Like my mom came in my room to see what the noise was and saw me crying at this story and just turned around and walked out and oh my god. I just can't. This is beautiful and heartbreaking and just. The line where Teddy thinks that his interest in death was now waning was such a powerful testament to how much his character has grown through this story and it's beautiful and wonderful but Joseph I am so mad at you for making me cry that I'm not even calling you Joey anymore.

THAT LAST SENTENCE TOTALLY SLAYED ALL OF MY FEELS.

I'm done. I'm 5398% done.

I'm crying and blubbering and this review is ridiculously I don't even know what it is, but that was amazing and just wow.

My heart hurts.

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Oh, wow. I thought you knew. I totally ended this in three chapters.

Also, yeah sorry about this chapter in general :(

I'm so glad I made that scene seem really suspenseful even though it was just Amy being really weird!! Yeah, Teddy was super mean there but he was mostly just upset about basically everything happening lol.

Drunk was probably the worst idea ever hahaha and the scene with Merlin is basically my favorite thing about this story. I like writing crying a whole lot they're always my favorite scenes oops.

Fun fact: I actually hated writing the parts where Amy is on whatever St. Mungo's gave her. That was super sad for me to even get through typing. That situation is way too much like things that happen in real life for my comfort.

I secretly love making people cry. Serious the number of people who have reported crying at this chapter is one of the greatest compliments ever because it means everyone feels the same about my characters as I do

The last sentence was basically me taking a super weird bow and closing the curtains thank you thank you thank you for this review. This was so amazing thank you for caring about my strange characters doing strange things!!


 Report Review

Review #16, by LightLeviosa5443 Williams' Bookshop

18th November 2014:
Slipping into your reviews like...
lol just kidding. Okay. I'm being serious now. I'm here for review tag! Wee!

1. Can we just re-talk about the fact that Teddy talks to Merlin and that he thinks this is totally normal.
2. Can we talk about the fact that Merlin is picking up on modern day isms and it's kind of hilarious and I actually laughed.
3. Can we talk about the fact that I hold out hope that Amy might normalize Teddy a little (just kidding that'll never happen, will it?)
4. TEDDY TALKS TO MERLIN.
okay I think I got that out of my system.

I really love the dynamic of this story. It's strange and it works and it just kind of speaks to me. It's on a level where like, weird is totally acceptable because Teddy is weird and Amy is weird and Merlin is weird and it's all just weird and weird is cool and omg that made no sense. What I'm trying to say is I think you do a really great job in making this sort of strange weird story feel normal and it's super fun. It's kind of brilliant. Well not kind of, it is, but kind of brilliant just sounds cool so I'm gonna stick with it.

LOL THAT RESTORED HIS JOYFUL DISPOSITION. I am dead.

I am in love with the fact that he just says it. He says what he's thinking and she accepts it and I think it's a really healthy relationship (not even in a romantic sense, just like a platonic relationship) that can have that level of acceptance after just meeting. I'm really excited that you've shown this sort of bond between them here. The book choices they made for each other made me laugh out loud, especially when Amy did her whole synopsis for the book Teddy chose for her. Priceless.

Oh. My. God. You just broke my heart into a million pieces with the meeting the parents scene. It was cute and sweet and fluffy and then you did this and now I'm crying but it's still cute and sweet it's just so. Ugh. Wow. NO WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HER A FATAL DISEASE.

OH MY GOD.

You just broke my heart into a billion pieces and i'm okay with it and not okay with it and just. lsmioeklmfd.

This was a wonderful chapter, but all I have to say is RUDE.

TEDDY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MORBID, NOT THE STORY.

excuse me while i sob for the next hour. (but no really this was an amazing chapter, wonderful job)

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: I think that was the first successful twitter joke ever made on this site. :P

Teddy is just casually chatting it up with Merlin, yeah. I can only imagine how many times Merlin bored him to death with repeating the same King Arthur stories over and over.

I'M SO SORRY AMY IS KIND OF WEIRD TOO HAHAHAHA.

I'm so glad that you like the dynamic of the story it was really hard not to make it too ridiculous but still weird enough!!

So happy you think their relationship is healthy even in a platonic way because that's really the base of any healthy romance omg.

The book game is my favorite. I don't know where Amy's synopsis came from, I just made up the most ridiculous thing I could think of. I tend to do that pretty often in my stories.

I am terrible at fluff haha. This story is super fluffy as far as my stories go, but also death is everywhere :(

OMG hahahaaha 'Teddy was supposed to be morbid, not the story' basically the summation of this whole story wow

So happy you liked the chapter!


 Report Review

Review #17, by LightLeviosa5443 Cousin Larry

17th November 2014:
Hey Joey! Thanks for swapping with me!

First of all can I say the way you start this chapter screams "woah there" and I kind of love it? The whole first section of the story is really interesting and well-written. I really enjoyed the way that we got a bit of a back story on Teddy and though it was brief, we really saw into his personality as well. His characterization is so interesting and different than anything I've ever read, and it's very enjoyable.

Wait, is Teddy funeral hopping right now? I kind of want to laugh, but I feel like I shouldn't. What a strange child. I like the way you've written this funeral, the way that he's finding it amusing, and his reactions to peoples words. The way you've incorporated the girl and that she actually evokes emotions from him. Ooh the girl is saving the day. I'm in love with this dynamic. This story in general is just so different which is so refreshing.

Okay, I am absolutely irrevocably in love with the quote you used "I think it's best to minimize the suffering in the world, starting with myself" that was fantastic. Okay. Wait. Teddy is speaking to Merlin? What on earth? Is he crazy? He's crazy and just masks it really well, doesn't he? Though, I've got to agree with Merlin, I am curious to learn more about this girl that has Teddy excited.

Merlin was Teddy's best friend. Can we just talk about that line for a moment. I mean take away the rest of the strange and crazy of the chapter, and let's focus on this line. This story is going to have some major plottwist or something, won't it? Or it'll take a dark turn? That's what that line is telling me. It's kind of awesome.

This was a wonderful chapter, I'll have to keep reading the story!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi Sarah!

I definitely wanted to give that instant wow factor. I thought that line would get people to read on, even if just to find out what in the world I'm talking about. Teddy is certainly different. Such a joy to write.

I tried to toe the line of how far I could take Teddy without making readers actually openly dislike him or think he's a bad person, so I *attempted* to make it seem more curious than mocking haha.

I pretty much went all in when it comes to the weirdness of this story. I thought there was a shortage of super strange love stories here, apparently.

Oh, that quote was one of my favorites too! It was kind of derived from tfios. Like when Hazel says 'I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?' I was just like, trying to unearth the sentiment underneath that. Thus, Amy isn't only trying to minimize the suffering, she's starting with herself.

Hm, I suppose the jury's out on whether Teddy is crazy or not. I think that depends on your definition of the word crazy :)

Thank you so much for this!!


 Report Review

Review #18, by Cannons Springtime

13th November 2014:
Oh, crap. No. Whatever I was expecting it wasn't that. So much character development in three chapters. So much emotion. That was sad, but also liberating. I'm feeling very confused at the moment.

Thank you for writing this, it was incredible.

Author's Response: Oh, wow, you read on!

Thank you for reading! I'm glad I was able to confused, sadden and liberate you all at once. Thank you so much for this review. You've made me all emotional about this story all over again haha. So glad you enjoyed.


 Report Review

Review #19, by Cannons Cousin Larry

10th November 2014:
Hey, here for our review swap. I've seen you around the forums but I had never read or reviewed anything of yours yet. Btw, just in case you are confused my forum name is harrypotterlover1 (a shambles of a name!) So Cannons or Fin is fine.

Anyway on to the story, the title really steals the show, short and snappy. I really am looking forward to see how that fits in to the story.

What I really want to commend you on is that opening line. So many opening lines are average IMO, I never really see opening lines and think 'That was terrible' but a really effective opening line stands out more. This one REALLY grabbed my attention, especially when matched with your title.

The first section really struck a cord with me. I wasn't expecting it to get quite so dark that quickly but I loved it. The idea of him drawing pictures of his death was so powerful, I was literally in his room there with him, looking at the pictures. I love it when main characters in stories can draw, just an odd fact. Also it fits well and makes sense that he is artistic and mostly resigned to his room. Many people who have artistic quality's naturally spend a lot of time on their own, it's just that Teddy seems to have taken it a little far.

This was a sad sentence. - It can't be said that no one was worried; it's just that they were used to it by that point. - It made a point that this wasn't some 'fad/phase' that he was going through but something that has been going on for a long time.

When he put the sticking charm on it, it reminded me of the Blacks house and all the sticking charms that were in that house. :P It makes me wonder if there is a similar tension in Harry's house.

Another thing I thought of while reading the first section was, what is Harry and Teddy's relationship like? Harry really did have a tough childhood and I can imagine him really trying hard to give Teddy the best possible chance in life and make happy. So to see Teddy turn out like this must be really hard for him to watch, but if anyone could understand it would be Harry.

So, your first section followed on from the first sentence in being absolutely gripping.

I loved the second section as well. The idea that Teddy, actually actively does something in his obsession with death is amusing to say the least. In the first part he came across as depressed. To me at least. But it seems there is defiantly more then meets the eye then simply depression. To be doing something so bold would hint to more death being something he enjoys.

I liked Amy, she was intriguing. I really want to see what ward she is from, to lose 12 patients is a lot. On first instinct I am guessing that maybe Teddy ends up in her ward. I loved the neat little touch at the end of the paragraph about the coping mechanism and Teddy's comment since he has had so many sessions with different psychotherapist's.

I'm questioning Teddy's motives here for being interested in death, I know his parents died when he was young but he couldn't have had two better people to bring him up. Especially Harry as I mentioned before. Add in the fact that he seems to be perfectly happy with his 'hobby/life' and enjoys the attention of the professionals I am not quite sure what to make of him.

After reading the last paragraph I have to say that I am a little worried for Teddy's sanity. :P I am defiantly at this moment, certain that Merlin doesn't exist in any way. I will just have to read on to find out. However I am now questioning if the girl was real and if he even turns up to funerals or if he just imagines them!

I am very curious as to why Merlin would be his friend if he is real, and if he isn't why Teddy wanted an imaginary Merlin as a friend.

I haven't really strayed in to the depths or next gen to much so I can't compare Teddy to many others that I have read about. I am sure though that yours would be unique. You have given him such a strong identity in this first chapter. So much so that when I read next gens now I will immediately think of the way you have written him.

I haven't seen 'Restless' by the way, which I am glad about since it wont spoil the plot of your story for me in any way.

Your writing was really good in this chapter, it was easy to read. I got submersed in the chapter really easily and was able to imagine everything that was going on very clearly.

I am defiantly not a reader who cares to much about mistakes but I didn't notice any. You seem to be a very gifted storyteller. Also personally speaking, I enjoyed the very distinct sections of writing. It made me feel more on edge when I was reading it, which suits Teddy's personality so far. After the first section I was not sure what to expect in the second and just when I thought it couldn't get any weirder, out popped the third section! Linking the section would have taken something away from the chapter for me.

I'm sorry that the review was so long! I sort of got rather invested in the chapter and got carried away with my review.

I really, really enjoyed it and the first scene was quite possibly one of the best I have ever read, purely for the fact that it didn't just pull me in, it dragged me in. :P

~ Fin.

Author's Response: Hi Fin!

I had a really hard time coming up with a title because I didn't think 'Restless' really fit this story with all of the changes I made. It's only really bare bones based on the film after it's all said and done and it just didn't strike me as fitting. So, I was reading through the first chapter and the only word that was coming to mind was morbid. That became the working title and it totally stuck.

I'm so glad my first line worked because I fretted over it for longer than one should think about one line. I too believe in the power of a good opening line, so I tried to capture something in this one.

I decided I would jump right into the characterization of Teddy as this strange kind of fellow who draws his own death. That wasn't in the film, but I thought that it worked better than having him just talk on and on about death. A lot of things in this story are ideas in the film taken and done in a way I think suits the plot better.

I definitely didn't want to paint it as some phase, it has been the way he was for a long time and I'm glad that got across.

The sticking charm idea certainly borrowed from Sirius' bedroom!

I tried to make Teddy harder to figure out than just 'depressed kid.' He did seem rather sullen in the first part, but I at least attempt to make the reader reconsider what exactly is going on with him.

Since you've already read the rest, you know how important Amy becomes. Also, I did slip in his knowledge of coping mechanism as a shout out to his past therapy!

I love hearing that people aren't sure what to make of Teddy yet. That's exactly what I meant to happen!

Haha! Merlin inspires a lot of different reactions in people. I just love to see people's ideas.

That means so much that you will always compare other Teddys to this one. That is like, mindblowing for me to have changed a character for you. I would take a guess and say that there aren't many others like mine haha.

I'm glad you haven't seen it as well because the end will take you by surprise this way! Or, I suppose, took you by surprise.

Gifted storyteller is a huge compliment, wow! I agree about the distinct sections, by the way. I really thought that the separation added to the sensation of all of this unconnected, random things he gets up to.

Don't apologize for the length of the review, it was absolutely amazing. And AH, 'one of the best you've ever read' I don't even know how to respond to that, Thank you so much!! Such a great review!!

- Joey


 Report Review

Review #20, by Veritaserum27 Springtime

10th November 2014:
OMG Joey!!!

I can't believe I took so long to read/review this last chapter! We need to do more review swaps.

Wow. It is so amazing and such a wonderfully fitting end to the story :) I never saw it coming - that Merlin would leave too, but I guess that Teddy really doesn't need him anymore. He's overcome his obsession with death now that he's had to experience a loss of someone from the living world. He could never do that with his parents, so that explains his curiosity with death from a young age.

I also love how Teddy was the perfect person for Amy. In a way, they saved each other. She needed someone who would see her for the wonderful person that she was and would also be able to go on her final journey with her. I really liked how she made her own decision to spend her final days the way that she wanted. Teddy supported that. I feel a little sad that her parents couldn't support her in the way that Teddy did, but I also think that made their bond stronger.

The scene with Teddy and his parents' gravestones was just so - gah! It reminded me a LOT of the scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams keeps telling "Will" that the abuse he suffered wasn't his fault. He repeats that phrase over and over again, until Will can feel it, accept it, grieve for it and finally - move on. You did a fantastic job with that.

I want to know more! What happens to Teddy next? I know that he will be alright - you left us with the perfect feeling of loss but contentment, but I need to know what happens next in his life. Will you consider a sequel?

Thanks for doing a swap - and writing this awesome story!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: I'm so behind on responses right now, but I had to stop everything I was doing and answer this.

I agree that we need to do more review swaps! I have yet to get around to reading enough of your wonderful writing. (if 'enough' even exists in this situation)

You definitely understood what I was trying to accomplish here. If I was to describe what Merlin was, in the context of this story, I'd say he's a metaphor for Death in general. I cannot remember who said it, but I believe one reviewer said that Teddy held Death close to him for so long and Merlin leaving symbolic of him letting that go. I can't really explain it better than that. I wanted to explore losing people that are *supposed* to be close to you, but you never knew. Seeing that you understood it all makes me so so happy.

I have so much headcanon about Amy's family that it's ridiculous. After NaNo, I'm retelling this story from her point of view because there's just so much left unsaid there. I do think that they needed each other. I think from her side of things it's maybe even more apparent.

I'm SO glad you say allusion to Good Will Hunting!! It's quite possibly my favorite movie ever. It's actually my prize for winning NaNo. I could not help myself with that scene because I got the idea of it going that way and then I couldn't see it in any other way at all. You're the first person to pick up on that.

You know, I was actually planning a prequel, but I haven't gotten around to really figuring out what I'd want to say with one of those yet. I may in fact go forward with a sequel instead. First I'd have to figure out where I want him to go next, but I would love to write that. You've officially gotten me to start thinking about it - so it's happening.

Thank you for the swap! I'm so glad that you liked the story!


 Report Review

Review #21, by wolfgirl17 Cousin Larry

4th November 2014:
Hey Joey,

Wolfgirl17 here with your requested review. I'm so glad you found my last review on your collab useful. I was super worried you and Em would think I was a shrew. So it's good to know it was helpful.

So the title should've given it away, but you're right, Teddy Lupin is morbid. That said, your descriptive language is really good. I can imagine Teddy in his room drawing pictures of his own death and just sort of moping about.

You've got a couple of issues with past/present tense in your sentence structure that could use fixing though. I noticed a couple of times where you'd been writing in past tense, such as when describing him in his room, and then you jumped to present tense when you said:
"It can't be said that no one was worried."
For this sentence, the correct way to write it tense-ically speaking for past tense would be:
"It's couldn't be said that no one was worried."
Or for present tense (which the rest of the story isn't, and therefore is the least wise option of the two):
"It can't be said that no one is worried."

That was the story flows a little more smoothly and jumping between tenses can really irk some people. I know I used to be guilty of it occasionally with my work on another fan fic site and I used have this one fan who would read each chapter, but as soon as she found a tense mistake she'd leave me a lecturing review about it and wouldn't read the rest of the chapter until I fixed it, then she'd leave me another review for the entire chapter. At the time it was annoying, but it definitely taught me to be aware of it and did improve the quality of my writing. Hopefully it will help you too. =)

You've got a few spelling mistakes that could use attending as well the next time you do a read-through/edit of this chapter. And I noticed that you've sort of cut it short in a way, or at least it felt like you did.

That might be to do with the way you've got three separate segments of the chapter and they just aren't quite linking together properly. I think that's probably because your intention was to portray your version of Teddy's characters and his three most prominent interests (death, crashing funerals, and riddles) and so you've split them into segments but not linked them.

If you were to re-write the chapter a little, you could have Teddy drawing the image at the beginning just the same, but rather than a page break and a skip to a different scene, try linking them by having him grumbling to himself about needing to cut his artistic time short in order to get ready for a funeral. I'd even go so far as to suggest having him consulting a calender he keeps marking the local funeral times, based on his research from the newspaper. Have him recording them all in order to more effectively allow him to explore his second interest, funeral crashing.

To link it to the final segment maybe have Amy telling him that it was nice to meet him, before having Teddy walk/Apparate home, where he runs into Merlin, who has a new riddle for him.

That way rather than trying to stick it all together in small scenes the way they do in the movies, it's more cohesive to laying a foundation for the plot and for future chapters. You've got something to build on, given the interaction with Amy, but not really any direction that I can discern for where it's going to go, and you need that, otherwise most readers won't click that 'Next Chapter' button because without a hinted at direction, they might not care so much about continuing.

Readers are a fussy bunch these days, and their attention needs to really be grabbed or they get distracted and wander off. I blame the fact that we can all access the internet and FB via our phones these days. We don't stick with something for the long haul unless we really love it.

So give linking the segments together a go, and maybe give us a hint at where you're going to take this, because the interaction with Amy makes me think that you're going to have Teddy see her again, but because of the way that segment ends, it's kind of hard to tell.

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful, and a little less concrit than the last review on that collab you and Em did. I was so worried you'd both hate me. Feel free to request more chapters for me to review!

xx-Wolfgirl17

Author's Response: Hi Wolfgirl!

I assure you, we wouldn't be that held up on that review! We can take criticism much better than that.

I'm glad that you thought my descriptive language worked well, I really wanted that scene to shine, as it was the first in the entire story.

You know, I've never noticed that tense error there, as I don't read back over this often and usually rely on reviewers to point out anything I might have missed. It's never been mentioned before now at all!

As for the sections, I must politely disagree there for a number of reasons. While, I agree, it'd probably be a lot more normal to go from scene to scene in the manner you suggested, (in fact, that is the method I am using in my NaNo novel, SO MUCH WALKING FROM PLACE TO PLACE) I thought it a matter of style that I decided that, since this story was adapted from a film that I would almost write it in this style of 'snapshots.'

I wanted to utilize time skips and maybe even jarring juxtaposition of scenes *because* it kind of unsettles you. Of course, in a story titled Morbid, you're expecting one thing and I give you the (maybe) ghost of Merlin telling riddles.

Of course, I have many more /straightforward/ stories than I do avant garde, but I must admit, I was interested to see how you'd respond to this, being my most "out there" story.

Technically, the rest of the story is spent making this chapter make sense. This was always supposed to be a story that challenged readers because I am a firm believer in learning the rules in order to break them. I kind of hate having my readers *know* where I'm going with the next chapter of my story. And while, this'll never be as popular as my ScoRose story that (mostly) follows the rules, this one is WAY more memorable for it.

But, that is all to say, it's a matter of style and personal opinions regarding the purpose of a story, I think. I think in cases of subjective matters that aren't, "this scene doesn't probably describe what's going on" it's mostly OK to play around with things, even if it means your story/film/song isn't for everyone. I do like to see the opinions of those who think otherwise though and I totally /get/ it and actually quite enjoy these discussions. Obviously, I have a thing for talking with opinionated people with the exact opposite opinions as me haha.

Much appreciated always! Thank you for the review!


 Report Review

Review #22, by nott theodore Springtime

23rd September 2014:
Hi again!

Ah, this was such a sad last chapter to the story! I'm kind of upset that my guesses were right and that Amy did die in this chapter, as I really warmed to her character and didn't want her to be hurt, even though I expected it would end this way. But I think that's a mark of great writing - you've created an original character who I really care about, so that I'm getting tears in my eyes when I read this last chapter.

The opening was kind of dramatic, but I think that was intended - at least from Amy's perspective, anyway. I can understand in a way that she'd want to create a poetic death for herself, almost writing her own ending, but it's sad that she felt she needed to push Teddy away and be someone who had to die alone. I felt really sorry for her and also for Teddy at that point, because it's such a difficult situation to face, especially when they're only young.

I found Teddy's anger and the way that he took that out very believable. And even though he didn't do much in that scene but get angry and drunk and try and take out that anger on his parents' gravestones, that scene helped to explain some more about Teddy's fixation with death in the past. He's felt that he's been abandoned by his parents because they died when he was so young, and I suspect that because of that he's turned towards death and shown an interest in it because it feels like something that has been his constant companion because of his parents' death.

I was so happy to see Amy and Teddy reconciling before the end of this chapter! The dialogue in that section was really sweet and natural, and I felt a lot for the two of them. Teddy's optimism and his line about how there's a lot that can be done in five months fitted perfectly at that point.

It was so upsetting to read about Amy in a situation where she couldn't even recognise Teddy because of all the potions that she was taking to try and control her condition. It's something that I haven't seen much in fanfiction, particularly because a lot of people seem to imagine that magic is a cure for most illnesses, but I thought you dealt with that theme really well. I loved the detail of Teddy telling Amy about the Griffin when she was taking the potions so that she remembered that detail about him, and there was still some connection there. It reminded me a little bit of The Notebook, since he's so determined to stay with her and help her, even though her family don't want to.

Those last two weeks were written really well - it's only a short time to have left to live, but at least Amy was able to remember it all and know who Teddy was through that time. It was so touching to see the two of them with death approaching.

Ah, so the mystery of Merlin is a little explained! He's a metaphor for death in this story - or represents him, at least. And throughout, Teddy has been interested in death and so death has come to him, and they've become friends; now, when Teddy's life has actually been affected deeply by death (with him being in a state to witness it), he doesn't feel the same affinity to death. At least, that's what I made of it :P In a way, I was glad to see that Merlin was the one who came to take Amy, because at least it was someone familiar to her through Teddy, and one of Teddy's friends. He didn't have to worry about Amy dying because he knew that she'd be taken care of.

This was a really good story and really sweet and touching to read. Thank you!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm so ecstatic right now that you really care about Amy and that her death affected you in some way. I get really happy when my writing makes people cry, not because I want everyone to be sad of course, but because I know that crying over fictional characters isn't usually something that happens unless you truly connected and took something from them and I think any author likes to know that has happened.

Oh, the opening was really meant to be overly dramatic. I actually wrote it a few times, trying really hard to make it SO dramatic that it couldn't be taken seriously. I definitely wanted for Amy to want to control her life and write her own end, but of course real life doesn't always work out that way. In times like this, some of her actual fear of dying starts to surface. She wants to make it as sad as possible because the sadder her death, the more important she feels like her life was.

I am so happy that Teddy's scene in the graveyard was believable and that you were able to take away exactly what I wanted from it. I can't imagine what it'd be like to have never known either of your parents as it isn't something I've experienced myself, but I did try my best to dissect what someone in that position might be feeling.

Sweet and natural was exactly how I wanted the dialogue to come across. I wanted them to kind of tie up some loose ends before I had to do all of the things I had to do to them afterwards.

I was thinking of just giving Amy cancer, as her disease is a pretty clear cut stand-in for it, but then I got to thinking and I would have hated to receive reviews asking why magic couldn't just cure the cancer and save the day. So, because canon gave us magical sicknesses that can't be simply cured or gotten rid of with a spell, I decided that would make the narrative that much cleaner. The potions were mostly a device to make things much sadder, because if there's anything worse than someone you love dying it's someone you love dying and not remembering who you are. It was all really hard to write. I haven't gotten this compared to The Notebook before this, but that's certainly an awesome thing to remind someone of, since it's so poignant itself.

So glad the last two weeks felt well written. I tried to give it something resembling a happy tone in this very depressing chapter.

You've understood this story and so many of the things I've thrown at you throughout it so well that it's fitting that you've completely nailed the analysis of Merlin's character. He certainly is a metaphor for death. I have nothing to add to what you said there that would build upon it. Some find it sad that Teddy lost Merlin and Amy both, but I agree that it's satisfying that he could feel she would be in good hands, even if it is all in his head.

Thank you so much for these reviews, they were such an exciting surprise and I just enjoyed responding to them so much. Your compliments have made me feel really amazing and I'm so glad you enjoyed this even though I have yet to edit it based on the CC I've received. Your words mean so much, thank you again!


 Report Review

Review #23, by nott theodore Williams' Bookshop

23rd September 2014:
Hi again!

I really liked the way that you opened this chapter, too - although some time had passed since the last chapter, the continuity with Merlin asking Teddy riddles again worked really well and helped the chapter to flow well from the beginning.

The riddle was a bit better this time than last time though, I have to say :P

I really liked the way that you developed the relationship between Amy and Teddy here. I think sometimes that people can go into too much detail when trying to show something like this developing, but you gave us just enough to warm to them as a couple. Teddy's idea for a first date was really cute! Sometimes it's interesting enough to guess what books are about from their titles, but I love the idea of a witch and a wizard going into the shop and having no idea about the obscurity of the titles that people manage to come up with. Their solutions for the different titles were really interesting to read!

They interact really well in this chapter too, and I like the way that you write their dialogue especially, although I'd suggest that you could maybe remove some of the dialogue tags that you use when it's just the two of them speaking, as it's not always necessary to include that extra information.

One thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was that I got to understand why they get on so well. Now that we know that Amy's been diagnosed with a fatal illness, her acceptance of Teddy's fixation and thoughts about death make a lot more sense - it's something that she must have experienced herself upon being told that she was ill.

The scene with Teddy and Amy at his parents' graveside was really touching. It's so sweet that he took her to see them, even though it might seem a little strange. It obviously means a lot to him that she's willing to go and accept who he is without having to question it. But I can't see him just taking any girl to visit his parents' graves, so I think that's a mark of how deeply he feels about her.

The only other tiny suggestion I'd make is that it felt they got over the other's lies a little too easily - they admitted them and then moved on immediately. I'd expect there to be a few questions at least, although I understand that Teddy was trying to make her feel comfortable and able to confide in him. It's sad that he's so accepting of her telling him she's got this fatal disease, because he's used to everything ending - that is pretty morbid, but in a way perhaps he's better prepared to love someone like Amy than other people his age might be.

The scene with Merlin at the end was fun to read - I'm still not entirely sure if he actually exists so that only Teddy can see him, or if he's just inside Teddy's head, but it was nice for him to find Amy and be able to open up to her completely. I'm interested to see how this carries on, although with the title of the story and what's happened so far, I've got an awful feeling that the next chapter will be Amy dying and I don't want to have to read about that!

Sian :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad that the chapters tied in together and that my riddle was better this time around as well! I think Merlin stepped his game up considerably :P

In my original outline, this chapter was set to be about three times as long and it would have detailed their first three dates and all of the small little mundane details about their interactions, but I eventually just scrapped a lot of it in favor of something a lot more sparse. My first date idea was just a random spur of the moment thing and I'm so happy that you found it interesting!

I've actually already edited the entire story and a large portion of the changes are dialogue tags, so it's perfect that your concrit is something I've already addressed and will make it's way through the queue!
Yes, the illness certainly helped with Teddy and Amy's getting along. She understands the feeling that death is all around you more than most. He definitely wouldn't take a girl to see his parents unless he feels like they're going somewhere.

Well, you understood exactly why Teddy accepted her disease, but you raise a good point about how quickly that happened. While I am working on edits, I might benefit from adding in a few lines of dialogue in some of these scenes.

Merlin remains a complete mystery until the very end and even then not everyone fully understands what I meant to do. I think I like it like that though. And before I even respond to that review - I am sorry for the next chapter, I didn't want to have to write about that :(


 Report Review

Review #24, by nott theodore Cousin Larry

23rd September 2014:
Hi Joey! I really enjoyed reading your story Gone the other day, and since you said in your MTA responses that you felt this was your best story, I thought I'd stop by and check it out!

The summary of this story actually intrigued me straight away, and your first chapter carried on with that really well. The title certainly fits in brilliantly - Teddy is rather morbid at this point!

I don't think I've ever seen any character in fanfiction, let alone Teddy Lupin, characterised in this way before, so I think you did a great job of coming up with something that's so original and interesting to read about! Teddy's interest in death isn't exactly "normal" for someone his age, and I can understand why Harry and Ginny and all the other adults in his life are worried about him because of it. I'm not sure that there's actually anything wrong with him, though, he's just a bit different - although I must admit, if I saw that someone had been drawing pictures depicting their own death, I would be a bit concerned about them!

I thought starting out with that depiction of Teddy's artwork and its strange subject was a great way to open this story; it linked straight into the title but also allowed you to explain some of Teddy's background, and what had happened to him leading up to this point in time. That flowed really well and it was interesting to find out what he was doing at this point in life. I wonder - does his fixation with death have anything to do with the fact that both of his parents are dead and he's grown up as an orphan? I wouldn't blame him for hexing McLaggen for saying something like that in normal circumstances, but it does make me wonder whether or not it's linked into his fixation.

The funeral scene was really interesting! I know that there are people who like going to funerals but normally they (in my experience) tend to be older and have been going to the funerals of their friends and loved ones to prompt it. It's a bit of a strange pastime for someone who's so young, though, and not really affected by death to the same extent. I wonder, though, if in a way this is related to his parents too - he wouldn't remember their funeral, but perhaps he wants to be able to imagine it?

I liked the cousin Larry excuse from Amy and it was nice to see the introduction of someone else who didn't seem quite so morbid and yet at the same time she doesn't actually know that he's got a fixation with death, so she's not got any pre-formed opinions of him here. I'd like to see her in the future in this story - I could see some similarities between them, even if they've got quite different backgrounds to life. And Teddy certainly seemed to like her!

I have to admit, I wasn't expecting the conversation with Merlin at the end! I'm not entirely sure if he's actually there or if Teddy's imagining him, but at the same time I enjoyed the conversation, especially the way that Teddy confided in him about the girl rather than anyone he knows in "real life" - I think that tells us a lot about him! And I had to laugh at Merlin making up riddles for Teddy to solve - he seems to have lost his touch a bit since he was first alive, I think!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hi Sian!

I was not expecting you to come here and leave reviews for this, what a wonderful surprise! I admit that I was a bit scared to answer these right away because I really wanted to answer them purposefully and give your reviews the responses they deserve.

I'm so glad that you found my Teddy original. I did purposely choose to write him for the first time here for a couple of reasons, not least of which was the juxtaposition with the way he's usually portrayed. I wanted to cast some doubt over whether anything is truly wrong with Teddy, but I also wanted him to kind of stun you right away with his sheer weirdness. And, thus, I decided that he'd draw himself dying in all sorts of strange ways.

If I had to pick a definite answer, I'd say that Teddy's fixation with death has everything to do with growing up an orphan. That being said, I'm not sure he's made the connection quite yet at this point.

One thing I wanted out of the funeral scene was displaying that Teddy actually finds funerals entertaining. He likes to study the different ways that people do about mourning and how they speak of the dead. There's a bit of that wonder, like, if people are simply always positive about the deceased, how do I know that my parents didn't have some gigantic flaw that no one has ever had the heart to tell me about? I think that's what bothers him the most about having never known them, relying upon other people's word to know what they were like.

Liking Amy is pretty critical to liking the story as a whole, so that's very good news that you wanted to see more! She was someone totally new and looked at Teddy in a way that he's never really been looked at before. Just what he needed, in my opinion.

Merlin was super fun to write and it's always interesting to see if people think that he's weird and random or funny and fitting for the story. I will say, his riddle in this chapter was a bit weak, haha!

Thank you for this AMAZING review!


 Report Review

Review #25, by Moonyxluna Cousin Larry

15th September 2014:
Hey! I'm looking for anything to sink my reviewing in so I'm happy to review!

I love that you have Cameron Monaghan in your banner. I love shameless. (Did I warn that I ramble? I ramble..)

I don't think you have to worry about interesting characters. Your first sentence caught me by surprise and I'm immediately curious as to what's going on in this boy's head.

This is me being nit-picky, but if you edit, in your first three paragraphs, you say "teddy did x" all three times and it feels repetitive since he's the only subject matter for all of those. I think at the start of the third paragraph you could change it to 'he' and when Harry and Ginny get mentioned in the fourth, keep his name again. (does that make sense?)

If you're looking for something to add on, I'd love to see a little more about the types of therapy they brought him to. Is there anything different in the magical world?

I'm very intrigued by Teddy. (again, he's interesting.) He's very atypical. I was a little surprised when he went into Auror training, but I got a good chuckle when he got kicked out, even if it was for defending himself. Doesn't seem like the type to hold down a 'typical' job. :p

One thing I'm curious about going further is what makes him like this? Is it just a fascination? Something in his head? Does it have to do with his parents deaths? Are there deeper things going on?

the midst of a war that i am unaware - missed a capital 'I'.

The lonely street didn't seem to understand what an important moment this was - I loved this line. Very pretty.

I'm kind of finding myself wondering how old they are here? It was a very (I don't think cute is the right word.. infinite? idk.) moment but still running out of a funeral seems like something more of a younger child would do, and I know he's out of Auror training and she's working. Curiosity!

However, I enjoyed the introduction of Amy. I think you gave her a good little bit of information, not too much that it was distracting, but just enough to make me want to know more about her.

His conversation with his (Imaginary? I'll have to see.) friend Merlin was interesting. I keep saying interesting but it is. I genuinely want to learn more about what's going on with Teddy and see you pick at his brain some more in upcoming chapters. I'd love to see how he reacts to the therapy, also, if he hated it, was indifferent, or any other feelings. Is he seeing things, or just in his own head, or just developing friends due to a lack of them?

I thought the chapter ended a little abruptly. (Unless you did it on purpose! Maybe just one more sentence talking about his body language or giving a look to Merlin, or something.

Thanks for requesting this! I really enjoyed reading it and am very curious to see what happens next :) feel free to re-request!

Julie

Author's Response: Hey! This was so quick!

I'm a huge Shameless fan myself! He's one of my favorite actors ever.

I'm super really glad that the characters all seem to be interesting enough here in the first chapter.

I love the nit-picky stuff! I want this to be as good as I can get it before I start with an entire series, so all of it is appreciated! I'll go back and spruce this up with your suggestions.

I knew that I couldn't have this Teddy stay an Auror for very long. Like you said, a typical job just would not suit him.

I will say that a lot of the questions you have are going to be answered throughout the series, rather than in these three chapters necessarily. There's really large hints towards what makes Teddy this way in the third, but it isn't completely explained.
Plenty of people have figured it out though haha.

Teddy and Amy are both nineteen here. And I know that is young for Amy to be working at St. Mungo's but that is explained in full in the next chapter. I've never had anyone ask their ages before! Their running and laughing was very child-like, wasn't it? These two both have a penchant for behaving a bit like children at times. Neither can be called a well adjusted adult, I will say.

Merlin is such an fun character for people to speculate about. I can't wait for your opinions on him as the story goes on. And don't worry, I absolutely abuse the word interesting in reviews!

It was partially on purpose, but possibly a little too abrupt. I'll look back into it definitely.

This was really, really helpful. Thank you so much for this! I'll be sure to re-request, but I think I'll wait a while to give you some breathing time and not swamp you with this story. Thanks again!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>