Reading Reviews for Rainfall
  
50 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Lavender

23rd November 2014:
LOVE the first paragraph here. You do SUCH a good job of showing us the things Hugo would notice. You write WAY more descriptively than I do and I have the benefit of being able to show sights.

The Healer's hesitation sort of gives everything away.

And even though I half-expected Rose to suffer long-term effects, even serious ones; I didn't expect them to be THIS serious. I would never have thought she might not remember how to talk and stuff. I thought it would be more like the early stages of Alzeimher's, with her not being able to remember stuff she's learning at school or forgetting her memories of childhood or going into a room and forgetting what she went in for or stuff, not forgetting how to walk or talk. It's worse than I could even have imagined. I certainly wouldn't have imagine their forgetting to breathe.

You don't do things by half, do you?

Those parts about what she isn't responding to are just scary. Poor, poor Rose.

And poor Hermione. The way she is looking for reassurance, no matter how vague really shows how helpless she feels and how terrified she is. Hermione always wants to KNOW. The fact she is now looking for reassurance, rather than information and pleading for a phrase she was complaining about only a few moments earlier really shows her terror.

I think the uncertainty, when the Healer is pretty much replying to various questions with "hopefully" and stuff, would be terrifying, especially for Hermione, as she always likes to KNOW.

The part where he hears the sound of the hospital wing even at school is sort of creepy and a bit like where my conversation with Callaghan is going.

And of course, being blind, the similar smell is probably even more likely to trigger memories than if he could SEE how different his surroundings were. Poor Hugo. *huggles him* And that sort of fits with the challenge we were discussing, although obviously, it wouldn't really work as an entry, being only a couple of lines.

Ahh, not being able to write is dreadful. That makes bad things even worse, because then you've the annoyance of not being able to write as well as whatever else is bothering you.

And yes, it must be so hard to know he hadn't seen her for months before all this happened and that he barely said much more than goodbye to her.

You are SO good at creating atmosphere. I can almost feel the awkward silence and weirdly enough, I've just mentioned awkward silence to you elsewhere, even though that wasn't literal silence.

I actually shivered at the line about lavender and funeral whispers. Creepy and sad.

I can't help giving a slight smile at the improvements even if they are slow.

And I like the mention of lavender in the Healer's office. It's like it's haunting Hugo.

And you must have cackled when I asked why Rose couldn't speak Irish!

That part where Hermione said, "Mummy's here," came close to bringing tears to my eyes.

And LOVE the comment about how Hermione is supposed to be the strong one. YES. But something like that happening to your child would be enough to break anybody, especially after all Hermione's already been through.

And the way she just accepts what the Healers do. It's a little like Lydia in "No Room at the Inn", when she just accepts whatever is suggested to her.

Shouldn't "stairlift" be one word?

And the fact that Hugo, the baby of the family is the one taking charge here is SO heartbreaking. It shows both the pressure on a ten year old boy AND how helpless his parents must be feeling.

*laughs at nobody being stupid enough to change anything in his room* It's the one line that makes things sound normal. It's such an ordinary-Hugo comment.

Fairies in Irish mythology are pretty scary. It's actually been suggested as one of the reasons for the lack of witch trials here - that misfortune was blamed on the fairies rather than witches.

I love the way you show the changes in Hermione's personality throughout the chapter. And the fact Ron seems to be dealing somewhat better.

And the end again is a little like No Room at the Inn, with both using the idea of how the character is coming home as a reminder of how everything has changed.

This chapter is so sad and you've captured the desolation so well. 10 out of 10 and I don't give that easily.

Author's Response: Thank you! This chapter was composed more carefully than a lot of others because I wanted to get all the emotion of the situation and have it read smoothly.

Yes, what's said is less important than what isn't. The healer wants to reassure them, and she would if she could, but she can't lie. So she avoids questions she doesn't want to answer and looks for reassuring explanations to pretty hopeless situations.

Most cerebrumous spattergroit patients would suffer effects similar to what you said - forgetting schoolwork or odd bits of their childhoods or whatever. Rose is a serious case. The forgetting to breathe thing is actually due to the confusion, which lasts during the disease, when the brain is fighting against the disease and because it'd got this internal battle going on it sometimes gets preoccupied and can't manage to keep communicating with the body - things like telling the lungs to expand and contract. That's very temporary, not lasting beyond the duration of the actual infection. Forgetting how to walk and talk is a combination of muscle weakness - after months of disuse, she's lost a lot of strength, and she's gotten used to not talking - and having forgotten some of those deeply-ingrained habits such as the muscle motions to balance and walk.

Nope, I like to do things properly.

Yeah, I figured out that side of Hermione's character writing "A Normal Boy". She's used to being in control, and she NEEDS to know. If she knew the exact situation, and knew what she could do about it to help, she'd be fine - upset, but still in control.

I've told you already how much I love your reaction to this chapter. It felt pretty special to me and it's lovely to know it wasn't just me!

No I didn't cackle at you talking about Rose not speaking Irish. I cackle at the thought of your reactions, rather than just taking pleasure from torturing characters. I wouldn't cackle at what I'm doing to Rose, only about how I expect you to react to stuff I know you won't approve of! I'm not ENTIRELY evil.

Came close to bringing tears to your eyes. I'm pretty pleased with that, though of course I'll have to try for more than that later in the series.. ;) "Mummy's here" is one of the most effective lines in this chapter, I think. Hermione's trying to help, trying to look after and protect Rose and while really there's nothing much she can do and she's feeling scared and helpless she's trying to reassure Rose anyway.

It's heartbreaking that Hugo is the one taking charge, but it's also a big step for him to realise that he's not helpless, and for him to take responsibility and not only be independent but look after other people. The one bit of good that comes out of the whole affair.

Ron's a bit less sensitive than Hermione. And while obviously he's upset and worried, he doesn't let it affect him in the same way she does. He's got more blind faith that someone - Hermione, or a healer - will sort it out, and that it'll work out, and he can't really imagine this being long-lasting. And he escapes a bit - he distracts himself by thinking of other things, and by making himself busy with work or TV or anything that saves him from having to think too hard. And he expects other people to deal with it, and to tell him what to do if he's needed. While Hermione needs to help, doesn't have the same faith she'll be called on if she's needed, and is driven mad by uncertainty. That's another thing - Ron will believe the "hopefully"s of the Healers, while Hermione reads between the lines and sees their hesitations and body language. I feel sorry for Rose, but I feel worse for Hermione.

Thank you so much! *huggles you*


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Review #2, by MargaretLane Lo, How a Rose

17th November 2014:
*cheers for Harry trying to move on* But it's sad both that he feels he's not as good a parent as his were and that it's taken him this long before he feels he can begin to. Poor guy.

And I can see why Godric's Hollow would be more upsetting than Hogwarts. Yes, he has sad memories associated with Hogwarts - the Battle of Hogwarts, Dumbledore's death, Cedric's death, possibly even Sirius's, as he was at Hogwarts when that situation started even if Sirius didn't die there - but he also has happy memories associated with it - making friends for the first time, being free of the Dursleys, meeting Remus and Sirius, Voldemort's defeat. Whereas Godric's Hollow holds only sad memories.

*laughs at the idea Hugo's parents can't embarrass him by showing his friends baby photos*

Love the comment about how Rose isn't blooming but rather wilting. She'd better be OK. *glares at you warningly*

10 chapters IS long when you're only ten. *cheers madly for Hugo*

*sympathises with him about the story* He's actually being a lot more reasonable than I would probably have been at his age. Interrupting my writing does not leave me happy.

Some of this sounds like the House Elf code in my series and the same issue is arising about house elves being unlikely to report mistreatment.

The similarity with guide dogs is kinda creepy though. As is the idea of selling human-typed creatures.

The education thing is SO typically Hermione and probably further than the code in my story has gone. I haven't drawn it up. Knowing you, you probably have drawn up this one. But it involves things like not being allowed physically punish house elves and house elves being able to report mistreatment and stuff like that.

Actually, the way your characters are talking remind me a little of the Land War and the 3 Fs.

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Review #3, by AlexFan A Haunted House

16th November 2014:
I'm so glad that Hugo finally got a chance to really play a harp. He sounds like a really talented kid, I can see him having a future as a musician, if he kept practicing of course he could be just as good as any pianist or harpist.

I honestly just can't get over Hugo and Lily being unaware of the significance of Godric's Hollow and I'm just sitting here thinking "oh if they only knew."

You would think that by the way that Ginny and Hermione are talking about Godric's Hollow that it's already been decided that Harry and Ginny are going to move into the house. Harry doesn't even want to set foot in the place I honestly can't see him budging on something like this no matter what Ginny does. This looks like it might cause some real problems for them.

Anyway, great chapter!

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Review #4, by AlexFan Empires Old and New

15th November 2014:
I take really long to leave reviews if you haven't noticed. Anyway! I think this was definitely one of my favourite chapters to be honest with you, politics aren't always my thing but when they're talked about or discussed right they really catch my attention. As you've probably figured out you did it right. It was interesting seeing all of these different views and opinions coming into play throughout the chapter from various experts. Clearly to Hermione the winner of the IC is a much bigger issue for her because the Second Wizarding War affected her in a much more personal way than others.

And it's when you hear about stuff like this happening that it really hits you that people don't really learn anything from history except how to keep doing the same thing over and over again.

I've always read stories where the next generation are already aware of the large role that their parents played in the war so it was quite surprising having Hugo be completely clueless as to what his parents did in their youth.

Loved this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! It doesn't bother me how long you take to leave reviews. :) My time period between receiving and responding varies considerably, as I'm pretty busy right now but I'm hoping to get up to date over Christmas.

Thank you so much! This chapter was a bit self-indulgent to be honest, inspired by the European elections taking place about when I wrote it (the rise of UKIP didn't prompt riots, though). I'm very glad I got you to like my bit of politics!

I thought briefly about "how much should they know?" and it did occur to me that in most next-gens the kids know all about the war, but I decided to be a bit different (as usual). I think the other kids might be a bit less clueless than Hugo, having seen newspaper headlines and books and stuff, but I decided Ron and Hermione have avoided talking about it - they're famous, for their role in the war, but they've never seen a need to talk about all the things they saw and went through because there's the question of "when is old enough?", they don't want to think about it, and it's in the past. It might also not have specifically occurred to them to sit down and tell their children about the war, because of course most people do know what happens and it doesn't really occur to them that their children don't and should.

Oops, response longer than the review again. I have this habit of talking...

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked this chapter. :) I definitely have a soft spot for wizarding politics.


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Review #5, by MargaretLane Easter

9th November 2014:
Sounds like Rose is ill. It occurred to me before that she could suffer long-term damage. I've a feeling ONE character will. I'm not sure you'd bring up the whole thing if nobody relevant was going to (although it MIGHT just be to mess with us; you enjoy doing that), but I don't think you'll have more than one person do so, because it'd get a bit repetitive if two or more next gen. characters were suffering memory difficulties. And Rose seemed kind of likely, due to her significance as Hugo's sister. And because so far she's avoided serious damage.

But NO! *pulls Rose to me and protects her* She doesn't deserve that. It'd probably be worse for her than for most people since she is so academically inclined and already feels insecure about things like her ability to make friends and deserves to have SOME area in which she succeeds. And Hermione DEFINITELY doesn't deserve it. One disabled child is enough to worry about. And it sounds like she's had some difficulty dealing with it.

*laughs* I pulled my sister out of class for a couple of minutes when I got my Junior Cert. results. Secondary school kids get a half day the day of the Junior Cert. results (and in our school, the students getting results get the whole day off), but she was still in primary and I thought she wouldn't like being the last to know (she hated being done out of things for being younger) and I also thought she'd like getting called out of class, even if only for a matter of minutes.

*laughs at Hugo not accepting his mum's suggestions too easily because then she'll think she can do what she likes* Not an easy child is our Hugo.

Poor Hermione. She must be so stressed. *comforts her*

AND ROSE HAD BETTER BE OK. *prods you warningly*

You've written "'hi,' grunt back." Did you mean to put an "I" in there.

Oh, Hugo has my sympathy here. Having a temper isn't exactly fun.

And yeah, it must be annoying when everybody just assumes, "oh, he's stressed because he's blind." After all, he's been blind all his life and lots of people have tempers - I certainly do. I've learnt to more or less control it now, but I was quite a few years older than Hugo before I learnt to do so and I still thumped the printer, slammed my bedroom door and punched the wardrobe yesterday, when the printer was driving me crazy. *laughs*

I think being able to copy like that, without reading the notes is more impressive. *cheers for Hugo*

And I know what Hugo means. It's so annoying when people are being annoyingly nice, because you can't be sarcastic back to them and you have to act grateful, which encourages them to repeat what they are doing.

*cheers for Mr. Greg* I like him.

But uh oh, the comment about how Rose will probably be OK like Kelly was makes me think she won't be.

I wonder if Al or James or Louis or any of the others have got sick. It sounds like they haven't or I expect you'd have mentioned it.

Your characters seem to have a similar birth order to mine.

*cracks up at the comment that Percy DEFINITELY talks about boring things*

And yeah, I would imagine Luna's conversations would be interesting.

*cheers for Hugo protecting the little kids from talk of torture and war, even though he's only about 10 himself*

*laughs at Roxie claiming to have known*

And now I'm wondering if Victoire might end up with problems, as she's been mentioned as having a "serious case." I'd prefer if it were her than Rose if somebody had to have complications. Mostly because I don't know your version of Victoire well. I've become fond of mine actually.

Author's Response: I've told you several times already that I LOVE your reaction to Rose being ill. Well of course she doesn't deserve that, and Hermione definitely doesn't, but since when has justice governed what I do in my stories? Oh, Hermione's had a lot of trouble dealing with Hugo's disability - even if that's not clear here, it should be in "A Normal Boy"!

Yeah, being pulled out of class breaks things up a bit, makes the day a tiny bit more exciting.

Oh no, Hugo would hate to be considered "an easy child"!

And yeah, I think Hermione needs someone to comfort her!

*prods you back* What are you gonna do if she's not? (Probably about the same as I'd do if Blackburn wasn't OK)

OK thumping the printer - it deserved it. Slamming the bedroom door? I'm kind of between "how old are you?" and "yeah it's kind of satisfying" (yep definitely done that more than once in the past year, although it's even more frustrating when it doesn't actually slam properly). Punching the wardrobe - doesn't that hurt? Yeah, Hugo's got a bit of a temper, but I know at that age especially I was at least as bad as him. At that age, it shouldn't be surprising him losing his temper like that, especially not when he's stressed already (his response to stress is either being really moody or really miserable.)

Yeah, really nice people are annoying. And Mr Greg is awesome.

I love Roxie, and the Scamander twins. They were so much fun to write (and they make awkward conversations easier by providing interruptions). Will have to get them in more in the future.

You'd rather Victoire had complications than Rose. Surprise surprise!

KNEW your reaction to this chapter would be good. Not disappointed. :D


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Review #6, by MargaretLane A Desert Island

8th November 2014:
This really is apropos of nothing, but since we were talking about the different terms used for things in Britain and Ireland, we say "mid-term" over here rather than "half-term". Reading that sentence, I was thinking something sounded rather British about it and had to read it again to check what. I think it's because we'd say "after the mid-term break," not just "after mid-term" or "after half term."

You still have said how Kelly is and she sort of avoided the subject. *watches you suspiciously*

Art must be hard for them when they can't see what they are making/drawing.

Hmm, I thought Hugo's story was going to end like "Come up the Stairs," but it veered off into rather more dramatic territory.

And has he seen the Storyworld cards I got, because somebody marooned on a desert island is one of the things you get as a thing to write about.

And poor Rose being stuck at school and unable to even write to her family. Poor Albus too. I wonder if either of them will get spattergroit.

Hannah as Matron/school nurse. THAT is perfect. And it means she and Neville can be together. In my series, he goes home to his family at weekends. It sounds like something she'd be good at too.

And YES! Whenever I've let people read my stories, I tend to leave the room while they are doing so. Otherwise it's just too freaky.

Oh, I was wondering why you brought in the spattergroit thing. I assumed it was just that you wanted Rose, and maybe Al, to remain at Hogwarts for some reason, but now I'm reckoning you're going to cause long-term confusion for some character. THAT sounds like you.

Love the mention of "my prayers are with the students." Sounds like a good Irish way to express concern and end the interview on a sympathetic note.

Poor Mrs. Scott. *sympathises with her*

I wonder if Hugo will actually end up going to Hogwarts. I've a feeling he WILL, but it's beginning to sound like he mightn't.

I think this is my favourite chapter of Rainfall so far. It's awesome. Because of course, possibly giving teenagers long-term memory loss makes a story more interesting.

Author's Response: Well, Kelly's out of hospital and back in school. OBVIOUSLY she doesn't want to talk about her illness - in her situation, would you want to think about it? She's been given the all clear, as evidenced by the fact she's back in school. Oh, teasing you WAS fun! And I'm not that predictable after all. ;)

Yes, drawing isn't really something they go in for because it means nothing for them. That's why they just make messes with clay and glue and feathers and card and whatever else they get given! It's not a lesson so much as a chance to enjoy and express themselves.

Hugo's got a dramatic streak. And being marooned on a desert island isn't a particularly original plotline, so it's not particularly surprising that it would be on one of your Storyworld cards! No, he hasn't SEEN them. Think about it! :P

Hannah being Matron is actually canon - I think in one of the Quidditch World Cup Pottermore articles. And it really does fit.

Yeah, I'll send people links to my stories but not actually watch them read. I've shown my sister my stories and it's pretty freaky, because you start trying to judge their body language and waiting for them to say something.

Yes, I went through that interview several times trying to get that guy to sound as Irish as possible, and "my prayers are with the students" seemed to fit perfectly.

Ah yes, well I like torturing characters and being mean to teachers is fun! What, you don't like me tormenting teachers? :o

Glad you like it - thank you! :D Laughed out loud at the last sentence.


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Review #7, by MargaretLane Forms of Courage

5th November 2014:
The 5th of November is probably an appropriate day for the chapter about Nobby's funeral to go up.

And I'm now remembering seeing the police presence being prepared for ye're Queen's visit to Ireland. It wasn't intimidating or anything, but it was certainly on a level I haven't seen before.

And that's interesting, that Hugo reacts differently to everybody else, because he can't see the Auror presence. Makes sense, but I wouldn't have thought of it. I think you have to think very differently when writing from the point of view of a blind character.

Scorpius in Hufflepuff. Interesting.

Hmm, Draco really does seem to have changed. I know it's hard to tell from a short conversation, but he does sound genuine. And I've the feeling he wanted to talk about Scorpius and Rose. Maybe it was just to make conversation, but it sort of sounds to me like he's concerned about Scorpius. Knowing you, you've probably given the kid an inferiority complex (which wouldn't be too surprising considering his background) or depression or something.

I like the fact that Hermione isn't convinced by his change though. I've read some stories where Draco apologises, sometimes very self-servingly, like only apologising when he wants Harry to confirm he was forced into working for the Death Eaters and immediately everybody forgives him, possibly apart from one person, usually Ron, who everybody then acts as if they're being totally unreasonable and childish, keeping up a schoolyard grudge, as if he just teased them a bit and didn't actually nearly kill Ron, in an attempt to murder Dumbledore. I think after that, and the torture Hermione underwent in his home (even if the latter wasn't his fault) it makes sense for them to have some resentment towards him. Not that they couldn't get over it, but it's likely to take some work on his part.

*laughs* The whole part about people turning up to be seen reminds me of this poem about Casement's "funeral", by...Richard Murphy, I think, where he accuses the Government of "exploiting" it to raise their own profiles. I don't think that was fair, to be honest. Many of them had been personal friends, or at least colleagues of Casement, and were probably completely genuine.

LOVE Kingsley's speech. And he has a point. During the era of Deathly Hallows, a lot of people had very little to lose. Yeah, opposing Voldemort could get you killed, but people were being tortured and imprisoned at random anyway. If you were a Muggleborn, you really had little to lose by opposing them or if they considered you a blood traitor or somebody else they were likely to target anyway. Whereas Nobby didn't HAVE to put himself in the firing line. And now I'm reminded of the beginning of A.W.L. when a certain person comments that she really doesn't have much choice other than to try and fight them, whereas everybody else does.

*laughs at the comment about always being punctual* Perhaps it's because I live in a country where punctuality doesn't happen, but it seems out of place, such a minor thing among his impressive qualities.

And I'm now reminded of what I told you about the rumours about Dev and his secretary, solely because they spent a lot of time together, as Nobby and Rachel did and were fond of each other.

*laughs at Hugo planning a story about a nice werewolf* He should have them teaching at Hogwarts. After all, he knows Remus did. *grins*

They are probably right not to bother following it up. While it's offensive language, it's still a fairly minor incident, in the sense of the actual crime committed. It's only the intent behind it that makes it more serious. And no point in giving them further publicity.

He could be a famous writer or harpist. And I can totally see why he'd want to be known for himself rather than as the son of Ron and Hermione.

It reminds me a little of events in The Writing on the Wall. Not that it's surprising it would happen after what happened on the 5th of November all those years ago. But just the whole red paint and the fact it's only graffiti, but has a more chilling side.

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Review #8, by AlexFan Live in Concert

30th October 2014:
It was so nice to see Hugo in an environment where he was enjoying himself. I loved listening to how he got lost in the music and the kind of effect that it had on him. He seems like a completely different person when he's surrounded by music, it's awesome.

Hugo stops being so bitter and angry with the world around him and it's nice to see that in him. I feel like Hugo wants to be angry more than anything but whenever music is playing he forgets to be angry. It's amazing what music can do to a person, isn't it?

I liked getting an overview of what Hugo's life at school is like, having students around with guide dogs and having to announce themselves so the rest of the students know who they are. I like Hugo's school and I can tell he likes it as well, this is the place where he's surrounded by people like him and they understand what he's going through.

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Review #9, by MargaretLane Of National Importance

28th October 2014:
AHH, you've been scaring me about this chapter and the title does NOTHING to reassure me. *goes to read*

*laughs at Hugo pointing out he DOESN'T know what the sun looks like* And with the rain today, I sympathise wholeheartedly with them.

And yeah, Ginny, that stuff about praying for rain is REALLY likely! Over here, at least, I think we complain MORE about the rain in the summer, because in the winter, rain can at least mean it's a bit milder, and besides you don't expect good weather, whereas in summer, we kinda feel we should see the sun occasionally.

And ooh, now I can't wait for your reaction to something in my year four.

*laughs at Hermione ignoring the Quidditch* That is so like her. And it's so like Ron to leave the room when the news comes on.

LOVE Teddy and Susan reading the news. I'm trying to get a variety of jobs in to my story, rather than just having all my characters becoming Aurors, Healers, teachers, Quidditch players or working in the better known departments of the Ministry, although some of my characters will have some of those jobs. And I like seeing a variety of jobs in other stories too. Especially, I like seeing characters like Teddy, James and Albus having careers other than the obvious ones. I would NEVER have thought of Teddy being a news reader, but I like it.

Oh, one thing I noticed: you've written in the oath, "and to will serve the witches and wizards".

An ex-Taoiseach died recently actually. I probably mentioned it to you at the time.

And the mention of wanting to give him an award after he died, reminded me of the Roger Casement thing, although in this case, I agree Nobby's wishes should be respected. Casement was given a State funeral nearly 50 years after his death, when his body was returned to Ireland.

I'm not in agreement with Hermione here. For one thing, any national leader dying is a big thing. And I think he was significant, not so much for what he DID as what he WAS. He showed a Muggleborn and a civil rights activist COULD become Minister, even if it ended badly.

It's weird reading Hermione and Ginny's comments about journalism today, as just this morning, I was listening to this English journalist - John Pilger? - talking about how all media is biased and we have to be aware of the agendas behind it and stuff.

I wonder if Hermione is thinking of the fiasco that was the aftermath of the World Cup in Goblet of Fire.

I always admire people who can go through things like that without bitterness - Dev, Erskine Childers, Mandela.

And aw, it's so sad the way what happened dented Nobby's confidence. I know you'll say I've no right to talk about knocking characters' confidence, but STILL.

I don't think this is the right place for me to go on my rant about killing people at random to make a point, but suffice it to say, I can see Nobby's point. Although I'm not convinced killing people for something they can't be helped, like what parents they were born to, is much better.

Aw poor Lucy. She seems to be the equivalent of my Molly II.

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Review #10, by Anonymous Christmas Cheer

24th October 2014:
poor hugo, it is so hard to explain to other people why you prefer playing the harp instead of doing other things, especially to a sibling that doesn't understand that playing music just makes you calm and happy…I hope that Rose and Hugo can work it out and Rose comes to enjoy the music

Author's Response: Yeah, my siblings think of practising instruments as a chore rather than something to be done in free time. Rose and Hugo don't have the best relationship - they don't quite understand each other, as is shown in the way Rose always tries to help Hugo when he wants to be independent and the way he's happiest doing his own thing while she kind of needs to be loved. As to whether they work it out... well, there are some big plot twists coming up!

Thank you for all the reviews! It's a lovely start to my day. I hope you stick with the story and like what's coming up! :)


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Review #11, by anonymous A Birthday Present

24th October 2014:
"It sounds so pretty, even when the notes are wrong"
you captured this perfectly, it is one of the many things I love so much about the harp.
Oh Hugo got really lucky, I had to beg my parents for more than 5 years until they finally gave in and bought me a harp, they really are expensive and it is so complicated to organize transport for concerts or orchestra rehearsals..but no complaints, I never wanted to learn any other instrument and I can understand Hugo for wanting to learn playing the harp :-)

Author's Response: There are some advantages to being blind, it seems, at least in Hugo's case - his parents know from his piano playing that he takes his music seriously, and they really want to do everything they can to make him happy. Oh, transport must be a pain! They at least have magic to help. ;)

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Review #12, by anonymous A Haunted House

24th October 2014:
More harp! this makes me so happy! you described it pretty well, do you play the harp?
there was a welsh harpist and composer by the name John Parry, he lived in the 18th century and I think he became harpist at the royal court or something like that. Anyway, he was born blind but his pieces are very virtuos, I would know,tok me ages to play it fast enough and without mistakes...

Author's Response: No, I don't play the harp - never had a chance, I'm afraid. I'm a violinist - been playing since I was about 4. I'm working from recordings and from experience of playing with harps in orchestras. That's interesting about Parry. I did discover than in Ireland, playing the harp was considered a suitable occupation for blind boys.

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Review #13, by anonymous Live in Concert

24th October 2014:
I love that you mentioned the harp! I have been playing the harp for more than a decade and I played the Romeo and Juliet overture and it is so nice to read about how someone in the audience feels while listening because it is not easy to play. I haven´t read much of your story yet, but I kind of love the story already just for mentioning the harp parts.

Author's Response: First of all, can I say what a lovely surprise this was to wake up to! You play the harp? I wish I could! I've played violin parts in the Romeo and Juliet overture - it is a bit of a pig, isn't it? I love it, and I listened to it whilst writing this chapter. Thank you, I'm really glad you like it!

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Review #14, by AlexFan Past and Future

23rd October 2014:
It's taken me a while to leave this review but I'm finally here. I thought I would just get the CC out of the way first. Personally, I felt like Ginny was a bit out of character. I can see where she's coming from about wanting to rebuild Harry's childhood home, and she had good arguments as well but I feel like if Harry wasn't comfortable with that idea that she would understand and at least consider the possibility of not rebuilding the home. Clearly Harry feels like if they were to fix up the place it would be like trying to erase traces of his parents from his life and obviously he doesn't want that. And I personally found it weird that in all of the time that Harry and Ginny have been together he not once took her to see Godric's Hollow. I mean, this is his wife here, and Godric's Hollow is an important part of Harry's past, I would've thought that he would've taken Ginny to see the place where it all started. But then again, this is just me so feel free to ignore this.

Moving on, Hugo is such a pessimistic child and honestly I can see why, when you look at things from his perspective, the Wizarding world really doesn't have much to offer him. The muggle world is in fact more suited for Hugo and Hogwarts would be extremely difficult for him to navigate, especially the stairs, those would be a nightmare. But he seems really aware for a child is I guess the best way to put it, I like how he thinks about his actions and questions why he does some of the things that he did. When he lashed out, I like how he acknowledged that he really had no reason to act the way that he did and asked himself why he was so angry. I feel like Hugo wants someone to reprimand him, had he not been blind and lashed out like he did, he would've gotten punished for his behaviour and the fact that he got away with it is like another reminder to him that he can't see.

I'm really growing to like Hugo and I love reading about this story from his perspective.

Author's Response: I definitely get where you're coming from regarding Ginny! Getting the characterisations in that bit was a pain and I kind of knew it wasn't right for her but I got lazy and didn't wrestle with it. Now you've confirmed that that bit's a mess, I'll try and make myself actually do something about it! Harry not taking Ginny to see Godric's Hollow - yeah, I get what you mean there as well, but my explanation would be that he moved on too completely and never felt even that he could bring the idea up because that might have meant talking about the past and actually thinking about it. And yeah, he'd have been comfortable with his wife, he just didn't want to think about it himself. But yeah, Ginny, and Harry too to a lesser extent, are characters I haven't really managed to get a grip on and I do need to have another think about them and do some editing. :P

Thank you! Hugo is a character I DO feel I understand now, and yeah, he hates thinking that he's being treated differently. Normal kids might be resentful at being punished for bad behaviour, but the way he gets more slack means he feels guilty about it and also of course is reminded of WHY those allowances are made for him.

Really glad you like it! Thanks for the review, and I'll try to do something with that CC!

~ Leo


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Review #15, by MargaretLane Beginnings and Ends

22nd October 2014:
*cheers for Hermione getting somewhere during the meeting* And yes, using a racial slur at a war hero might NOT go down well.

My immediate thought for the "lovely gentleman who insulted" her is Lucius Malfoy. It just sounds like him.

*cheers for Hugo getting a distinction*

*laughs at Hugo wanting to go because it's a day out of the classroom*

*cheers for them having displays in Braille*

And you haven't mentioned Kelly at all yet this chapter. I guess there hasn't been much change yet, but *is concerned* Poor Kelly. She's missing the trip too.

I actually laughed out loud at how they are less likely to get in trouble than a bunch of kids from an ordinary school would be, as people'd feel mean spoiling blind kids' fun.

And just after that, the teacher DOES mention Kelly. It mostly sounds like she's doing OK, but that part about the lymph nodes is worrying. I can't help feeling this is going to turn out to be more serious than anybody expects. *glares at you*

OK, I've already expressed my surprise at the fact he's never had the opportunity to be really creative in school.

*tuts at the idea of people being concerned about children writing about dragons killing people*

I can see why she'd be worried about the Statute, but I don't think there's any great need. Nobody'd believe this stuff was true. Although he might be better off not detailing things like the types of dragons as that seems kinda specific for a ten year old to come up with.

Setting the world on fire? OK, that's rather a dramatic ending. I guess the dragons could do it though. And I like the connection with the Slytherin Conspiracy.

I am laughing at the thought of Ron as a teacher.

And Dumbledore did say to Tom Riddle that he wouldn't be made attend Hogwarts if he didn't want to, didn't he? And Hagrid spoke about if Harry wanted to go. And Remus didn't expect he'd even be able to go to Hogwarts. So I guess Hugo COULD remain in the Muggle world. It'd be hard for him though, as he wouldn't have the advantages of being able to do magic. But then the wizarding world doesn't give him the advantages of supports for the blind. Either way, he's going to miss out on something.

Hmm, sounds like not many of your next gen are in Gryffindor. I placed most of mine there, since Albus feeling insecure about not being a Gryffindor plays a big part in The Writing on the Wall and the more Weasleys that are in that house, the more left out he'd feel by not being.

I'm still debating where to place Hugo. I can actually see your Hugo being a Ravenclaw. Ron wouldn't be pleased to have neither of his kids in Gryffindor.

Yeah, pretty unlikely any of the Muggleborns in his year would just happen to have attended the same primary school as him.

*hugs Emma* *hugs Hugo too* I really like the character of Emma. She's pretty determined for a ten year old. But then, when we were asked in 3rd class about what we'd wish for if we'd three wishes, my first thought was that I'd be able to get a teaching job when I grew up. I may not have been aware of the exact unemployment rates, but I was certainly familiar with the idea that leaving Ireland to get work was pretty commonplace. Anyway, I like Emma.

And I LOVE how positive Hugo is in the last paragraph.

Which I expect means you're going to ruin everything for him again in the next chapter. *glares at you*

Author's Response: *snuggles review* Maths can wait - I have a response to write!

I'm not convinced Lucius would still be working for the Ministry, even if he did escape Azkaban. And I think he MIGHT have more sense than to use a racial slur at a war hero in public.

Writing this chapter, I had in my head the Science Museum in London, which it's very realistic that a primary school - even a special one, like Hugo's - would visit, as I imagine them being not all that far from London, maybe Hugo living kind of on the outskirts of the suburbs and the school being a few miles out in the country (to get away from the dangers of the city). Or at least in a town relatively near London, reducing apparation distances for visiting the Ministry and the Potters etc. And, getting to the point (at last), the Science Museum is definitely "accessible", with things like Braille displays and wheelchair access and interactive multi-sensory models. Rather well suited to Hugo and co.

Haha, Hugo's class are sweet but really not the best behaved. Which their teachers probably like, because the kids are good at heart just high-spirited and happy despite their situations.

Yep, a nice positive note to the chapter... then I bring the mood right back down. Now of course what you COULD do is do a little research into Melanoma to find out how the disease/treatment are likely to develop and how much danger Kelly's actually in - this is researched and fact-based. Though you doing that research might spoil my fun...

Hugo can be a dramatic kid. Well, a kid with a "that escalated quickly" kind of imagination. Yeah, logical escalation of the situation leads to the entire world catching fire... I think someone got overexcited...

I think Hugo could be very happy in the muggle world - there's far better support for the blind, and he has better prospects there because of all the "equal opportunities" stuff. And magic is of limited use to him, because it is so visual - most of the time, he'd need help to know where he was aiming his wand.

Yeah, I came up with characterisations for my next gens and they all seemed to fit elsewhere. James is the only one currently in Gryffindor (Teddy was, but that's not mentioned in the story yet). And yet Hugo still feels Gryffindor's the place to be.

Hugo - Ravenclaw. It may or may not be right (I do actually know now). I will be interested to seeing whether you stick with that guess or change as the story progresses! Yeah, Ron wouldn't be delighted at that!

You like Emma? *cackles evilly*

You reckon next chapter's going to be evil? You'll just have to wait and see... ;)


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Review #16, by CambAngst King's Cross

22nd October 2014:
Hi, there! I saw your request for hugs today. Unfortunately, I don't know how to send those across the ocean. But I can do reviews, though. So I hope this is almost as good as a hug.

I really liked the way you wrote your opening chapter. You grounded the story in time just by way of a few details about Rose and Al leaving for school and being sorted. You didn't dump a whole load of back story on the reader, sticking to a few key points that are obviously very important to the story. I have a good sense of the people who are important in Hugo's life, but there's plenty left to discover as the story plays out. To me, that's really good pacing.

Hugo read completely natural and believable. He was age-appropriate and the uneven sort of way that he reacts to the various situations caused by his blindness -- from being very accepting in some cases to sort of immature in others -- felt perfectly natural for a 9-year-old boy. He's obviously made a lot of progress in life, but he's still struggling to figure certain things out. It obviously doesn't help that he's dealing with some challenging life issues. His older sister just left for school, so now he's effectively alone a lot of the time. Hermione seems to work an awful lot, which sounds about right for her.

Lily was like a ray of sunshine in this chapter. She's so attentive and thoughtful and it seems like she just gets Hugo. She understands what's helpful to him and she knows when to back off. I'm excited to see how their relationship develops.

All in all, this was a great start. I hope to get a chance to read more.

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Review #17, by AlexFan King's Cross

19th October 2014:
I was supposed to leave you five reviews for the challenge but you never PM'd me so I figured I'd pick a story and I decided to go with this one.

I haven't read many stories where the main character was blind, I've written some but read few and it's always interesting to see the different ways that people portray this kind of disability. I think you've made Hugo very realistic, his reactions to things is I think completely normal, I can understand why he would get angry at a little kid asking why he's funny. He knows that the kid probably doesn't know any better but that doesn't stop him from getting angry at being treated like he's some kind of freak.

I love how you included the details about how Hugo had to learn how to read differently and to do other things differently like thing his shoes because it just makes him more real, you can really get a sense of the kind of struggles that he's faced. I'm so excited to see where this story goes!

Author's Response: I forgot to PM..? Oh, oops! I would have requested for this story anyway. :D

Yeah, he might know that the kid doesn't mean anything by it, but that doesn't stop it from making him angry. Perhaps more angry because the kid is speaking honestly, and it's a reminder that this is how people actually see him (despite adults' attempts to treat him normally).

Thank you so much! I really hope you like the rest. :D

~ Leo xx


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Review #18, by MargaretLane For Family and Friends

13th October 2014:
Another chapter closer to the rather intriguing sounding chapter 16. *laughs and goes to read*

Love the mention of their needing a phone, as the school would find it suspicious if they DIDN'T have one. There's probably a lot less magic around an ordinary wizarding house than around Hogwarts anyway, though I guess things like anti-Apparition protection and stuff could still interfere if they hadn't modified it.

Really like the description of how the video games work for blind kids.

And George's comment there was so sad. It's still less than 20 years since the war, so most people will know somebody who died or was injured or imprisoned. And I agree with him that Fred would want to see everybody laughing.

LOVE the idea of the Young Inventors competition. George would DEFINITELY want to encourage kids to invent pranks as he did.

*cheers for Al coming up with a broom Hugo could ride* Fair play to him. From your comments about him, I wondered if he'd have entered the competition, but I hadn't considered him creating something Hugo could use. Good on Al.

And you have now sort of inspired me to rewrite the Easter chapter from The Writing on the Wall. I really should, I suppose.

Yikes, poor Kelly. You really do give these poor kids a hard time.

That was sensitive on the parts of the teachers to let them eat in their classroom.

We used always eat in our classrooms in primary school, actually. Well, from 3rd class on (8/9 year olds). 1st and 2nd class ate in the gym under the supervision of a teacher and a couple of sixth class girls. I can't remember what we did in Junior and Senior Infants, but I assume we all ate somewhere we could be supervised again. From 3rd class on, we ate in our classrooms, with a teacher patrolling the corridors. And we always brought packed lunches. In secondary school, we'd a canteen and could choose whether to buy food there or bring our own lunches and we could eat where we liked.

Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly DID die. And it's pointless even yelling at you not to let her, because I know you've all but finished this story already. But NO, you can't kill a ten year old girl. That's not on!

*laughs at Kelly's usual behaviour* I like her style. You really can't kill her now.

LOVE that paragraph about how he doesn't want to be asked about his school day because it'd make him think of Kelly. It's portrays how upset he is probably better than anything else you've said in this chapter.

You've written that Hugo points out Rose "isn't that much younger than" him. It should be older.

The last paragraph is somewhat chilling. It kind of indicates Hugo is feeling pretty helpless and trapped, which makes sense, considering he knows one of his friends is seriously ill and there's nothing he can do about it and nor is there anything he can do about his own blindness.

Author's Response: Chapter 16 approaches! *laughs*

The video game idea I actually got from Googling "games for the blind" or something like that - there are things like lists of accessible games and blogs on what people's (blind) children can and can't manage to play and what features make a game accessible.

I like Al a lot. YES I KNOW, being liked by me is not something my characters particularly benefit from... but I still like him. He may not fit my profile for him, but his character has sort of developed itself and I love what he's become. Can I say that about my own character? I don't care, I AM saying it.

The story was going slowly in JulNo. Yes, I did that to Kelly to get the story going. I'm so evil I love it, mwahaha...

I doubt considering the nature of the school this is the first time the teachers have had to tell children that one of their classmates is in a situation like this - blindness is often just one symptom of a disorder which may lead to many other health issues, like in Kelly's case with the albinism causing blindness and also the increased vulnerability to harmful UV radiation. And because of the general medical profile of the student body, they've probably had to announce deaths, too, very occasionally, let alone hospitalisations.

So the staff will have talked before about what to do in situations like this and how the children might react, and they'll have experience of dealing with it.

We always ate in the assembly hall at primary school, under the supervision of the dinner lady and I think another couple of teachers who were on duty. Yeah, most of us had packed lunches, though they had school dinners for those on free school meals or whose parents paid for it. The primary school I did work experience at had more dinner ladies and a lot more people had hot school meals (although I think there were also a lot with packed lunches). Our secondary school system is the same as yours. I think they might feed the kids at Hugo's school partly because of the medical profile I mentioned - they want to make sure they're all eating well. And it saves the parents - who definitely don't all find it easy looking after disabled children - from having to worry about making packed lunches. And the school generally provides a lot more care than most - it provides far more than just a normal primary education!

Yay, you like Kelly! It's always more fun when people like the characters you're being horrible to. *cackles evilly*

I can't kill a ten-year-old girl? Oh, OK. MWAHAHA ONLY JOKING I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. EVEN/ESPECIALLY IF IT'S "NOT ON"!

Thank you! I love your reaction to this chapter SO MUCH! (And I have at last have a character I can bring out when you start scaring me about what's going to happen to Blackburn.)


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Review #19, by DracosGirl012 Hot and Cold

10th October 2014:
The igloo sounded so awesome! Really creative, too!! I feel bad for Hugo-- I know what it's like, not being able to play properly with other kids. It's why I just stuck to my Barbie dolls rather than trying to play with other kids. :p anyways this chapter was really good :) can't wait for the next one!! :)

Author's Response: My siblings and I built a (rather smaller) igloo one time it snowed, which is what I got the idea from. Yeah, it struck me how hard it would be not being able to join in properly - in a club I helped out with we had one girl in a wheelchair and while we always tried to organise activities she could join in with there were always things she couldn't do but she never complained out loud.
Thank you! Next chapter's waiting in the queue. :)


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Review #20, by DracosGirl012 Behind the Veil

9th October 2014:
Love the story about the boy who wrote to George! It makes a lot of sense, and it's very realistic. I actually loved George, and the "A whole world of sight-related humor" line kinda made me tear up a bit :(
Great chapter! Will be reading the next one tomorrow :)

Author's Response: Thank you! Oh yes, I had to throw in some Fred feels, because that's the kind of person I am. Really glad you like it!

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Review #21, by MargaretLane Hot and Cold

5th October 2014:
Yikes, they seem to have a LOT of snow. There have been only two years when we've had snow deep enough to sled or stuff in. I guess in the mountains and places they get it more often.

I guess the descriptions of colours wouldn't mean much to Hugo as he wouldn't know what white looked like.

LOVE the mention of the law about Apparating with animals. I love little details like that that add to what we know about the wizarding world and you are so good at them.

I can see why that would be frustrating either way in the snowball fight. I think they should throw a few at him, but not as many as they would at others, so that he is included, but not constantly being pelted with snowballs he can't see coming.

Hugo is so excluded. He's caught between the world of his Muggle classmates, that he can't fully participate in because he's a wizard and inviting them around to his house might give something away and the world of his family, that he can't fully participate in because of his blindness.

It must be hard enough for magical children before they start Hogwarts anyway, with kids a few years older than them away at Hogwarts and a divide between them and Muggle children their age. Maybe that's why they all seem enthusiastic about starting Hogwarts, even if it means leaving their families at such a young age and seems like a pretty dangerous place.

Poor Rhiannon. She must have had a pretty horrible time.

Author's Response: Yeah, that's quite a bit of snow for England, but we did have about that last year and climate change only increases the chances of it.

That law about apparating with animals was a bit awkward because I suddenly realised I had a possible contradiction in a later chapter, but I've vaguified (that's a word 'cause I says so) it so there isn't a straight out contradiction. And I do like the idea of that law, so I didn't want to take it out. Of course we don't know the specifics of the law... yeah, anyway, moving on...

That OF I mentioned to you, I was actually considering using Rhiannon as the MC in that (Not quite the same characterisation and situation, but similar. Though I'm not sure I could face doing another blind character! They're hard work to write.) So her time might have been more horrible than suggested in Rainfall, but I don't want it to get too dark or complicated here... Well, Rhiannon's a plucky kid and I like her. Yeah, I know, poor Rhiannon...


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Review #22, by BellaLestrange87 Parents

29th September 2014:
Yay a new chapter!

Missing word - "It's very rare, although not unheard of, for consider human prey." For it to consider a human prey?

Hugo definitely has the unattractiveness side of snow on point, although I think frozen water might be the definition of ice, not snow. It does look pretty, but of course he wouldn't know that, so obviously he would prefer to stay inside and listen to Luna's description.

You show his frustration well. The fact that he doesn't feel understood by anybody about not wanting to go out - they can all see the pretty snow, and all he knows is that it's cold. Turning the TV off to try and get him to go out seems like something Hermione would do.

When Hugo's in his room alone after he storms off, he mentions that the air is cold. Do wizards not have a way to heat their house? Or did someone leave a window open? Wouldn't he also be able to hear the sound of Hermione breathing?

Missing plural in one sentence; it should be "But by some fluke they got targeted that night and killed by Death Eaters, for fun."

Maybe past tense would work better here - "Everything I'd done to protect them from being used against me, it had been enough, the Death Eaters never realized they were my parents."

If Hugo was raised in a wizarding family, would he know what a gun is? It seems reasonable to think that some form of Muggle culture would have leaked through on Hermione's account, but I think she'd want to keep some of the nastier parts (murder weapons and such) away from her kids.

Hugo's end-of-chapter fantasy about a snow house seems exactly like the kind of things a ten-year-old would think about in winter (and the snowball fight with Hermione is also something I could see a ten-year-old boy doing); besides, he has the family to make it possible.

I like what you've done with Hermione's parents - killing them off. That might sound silly, but having someone close to the main trio (closer than Fred, or Lupin, Tonks, Sirius, or Dumbledore) die brings more realism to the war and tempers that "happily ever after" epilogue. The way they died - randomly targeted by Death Eaters - sounds like it could be truth. (Of course, we don't know.) After they took control of the Ministry they probably started mass attacks.

Another great chapter!

~Olivia

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Review #23, by MargaretLane Parents

29th September 2014:
This line sounds a bit off. "It's very rare - though not unheard of - for consider a human prey." I kinda feel it should be something like, "for them to consider a human prey".

*laughs at Rose being all enthusiastic about snow while Hugo is trying to watch an educational program* It's so much the opposite of what my characters would be doing.

*hugs Hugo* This was me every time my family wanted me to go for a walk as a child - OK, usually when I was younger than Hugo. Walking was such a waste of reading time!

And I think you know from out conversation the other day why I'm glad Hermione promises not to read Hugo's writing.

Oh gosh, POOR Hermione. That is so horrible. *huggles her tightly*

You've written "the Death Eaters never realise they were my parents" instead of "realised."

I LOVE the part where he realises she'll be less likely to dwell on things if he's with her. He is so insightful.

I actually laughed at the comment about him going out completely naked.

That's always what strikes me about Hogwarts - eleven year olds leaving their families and only coming home for a couple of weeks a year. Now, we've discussed Irish attitude to homecoming and how it's the norm even for college students to return home at weekends (it's the norm in most boarding schools here too) and even with that, I know some people who found first year of college very hard. And if 17/18 year olds found it hard being away from their families 5/7s of the term time, how much harder must it for ELEVEN year olds to be away for months at a go?

LOVE the last two paragraphs. You describe the whole scene so graphically.

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Review #24, by UnluckyStar57 Past and Future

27th September 2014:
Hi again! This review is for Story Search 1, in which we're reviewing people with January, May, and October birthdays. :)

Oof, Hugo is asking some DEEP questions in this chapter. It really hurts to see how his relationships with his parents are so affected by his blindness, how he thinks that they've given up on him (and maybe they have, but it's terrible for a child to believe that his parents are lying to him/don't really believe that he'll get better). Hugo's character is so full of cynicism and angst, and it just breaks my heart to read about it. :(

And Harry seemed to be having some trouble in this chapter, too! It's a sign of the adults' continued immaturity (from their younger years) that they would elect to have such a conversation as the one about the Potters' house in front of Lily and Hugo. Perhaps they think that the kids aren't paying attention, but they certainly are. I hope that Harry can begin to accept his parents' house as a better place to live (once it gets fixed) than ratty old Grimmauld Place. And that he stops regretting naming his children and his dog after dead people. Why is he bringing all of these regrets up right now? Does he usually do this, or is this something out of the ordinary?

I also loved the scene in which Hugo played the piano. I think that he really seems to love the instrument, and it gives him a creative outlet to release his inner frustrations. Will he begin to compose his own music? That would be cool!

Really wonderful chapter, although it was so angsty/heavy. I loved the sensory language that you used to describe the rainfall--it seems like you can really get in touch with your other senses when sight is not an option, even in writing. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Just so you know, I respond to reviews in a thoroughly illogical order. :P

Hugo hasn't the most healthy mindset. His parents have NOT given up on him, and they don't see him as a burden, and they wouldn't swap him for a sighted child given the opportunity, but his mood fluctuates and when he's at a low point he convinces himself that he's a burden and everyone's lying to him and so on. When he's in a light mood, he doesn't think about things like that. But he gets miserable a lot. Poor kid. There are times I want to both slap and hug him - he does have a mind of his own rather.

Yeah, the adults are being pretty immature. Harry's bringing the regrets up because talking about the Godric's Hollow house means he has to think about things he's locked away - his parents' deaths, and the war, and so on. He could have accepted and come to terms with those things, but he's been locking them away instead, and so those feelings are still strong when he lets them out. I think he's got some strong self-doubt, too, something that was pretty evident in his younger years.

The sensory language is something I've gotten the hang of through writing this story - it was hard at first, but takes a lot less thought now.

Thank you so much!

~ Leo xx



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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57 King's Cross

23rd September 2014:
HI LEO!!!

I'm so sorry that I'm so late with this review. In your request you said that you have eight chapters up, and well, now you have ten. So it's been a while, but I'll try to make this a nice, comprehensive review. :)

Okay, so first of all, yes. When I read your one-shot, I was immediately enthralled by the idea of writing a story from the perspective of a person who cannot use visual descriptions to describe things. That is so, so difficult to do (from what I understand), but you have done such a brilliant job of setting up the scene and the characters and everything. I also really liked the idea because Hugo plays the piano, and I myself am a piano player. :)

Your descriptions of things, while you can't always use sight as a medium, are really really good. I love that you used Lily as a sort of go-between for Hugo in the beginning. She describes the world as she sees it, and he has to rely on his imagination and other senses to picture it. The only descriptor that I'm uncertain about in the whole chapter is the one about the Hogwarts Express--the physical description is excellent, but "red" seems to be an impossible description because Hugo has never seen the color before. I suppose that Lily may have called it "red," and Hugo knows that it is a color, so he adds it in for the benefit of his seeing audience? Ugh, whatever the case may be, it's not a big deal at all. Sorry for talking in circles! D:

Ah, Al and Rose are Ravenclaws! Woot! It's going to be interesting to hear about their adventures second-hand from the letters they send, especially since Hugo and Lily are so curious to know about Hogwarts and they're still a few years away from going. I wonder what House they'll end up being in...

Okay, I love how you gave Ron a whole lot more sense than he seems to have in the DH epilogue. In the epilogue, he seems to be the same goofy Ron who only likes Gryffindor, but his comment to Hugo about "do you think your mother will let me disown your sister?!" seems to show a Ron who has grown up. And maybe he was only kidding on the platform. :)

D'aw, Snuffles! He sounds like such a cuddly dog. It creeps me out a little bit that the Potters still live in Grimmauld Place with that awful portrait of Mrs. Black, but such is life, I suppose. Is there a reason why they didn't go and find a new house? Maybe Harry just wanted to make use of the gifts that Sirius gave him?

Arrggghhh, if there are more encounters like the one at the end, I don't know what I'll do. It made me so mad when the little boy kept asking his father questions about Hugo--like, I understand that he's probably young and doesn't know any better, but that's just RUDE. And Hugo was having such a good time on the swings with Lily, and then he falls and it's all just RUINED. Ugh. I find it really interesting that he's so cynical and bitter at the age of only nine years old, but I completely understand why. It makes a lot of sense for him to be more jaded and adult-like than a typical nine-year-old because he's already been through so many awful things. :/

What sorts of stories does Hugo write, I wonder? I'm sure I'll find out in a later chapter. :)

So, bottom line: This was a brilliant chapter and I love how your one-shot establishes the premise for it already. I haven't even read the one-shot since July, but I can still remember what was going on--that's how vivid it was and how much the concept of this story stuck out to me. And honestly, I had every intention of reading/reviewing this story as you posted each chapter, but time got in the way. :( So thanks for requesting a review so that I could finally read it! I can tell that it's going to be a remarkable tale. :D

~UnluckyStar57

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