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7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Three

28th July 2014:
Ahhh, you have to update soon, I'm dying to know what happens!!

Harry finally confronts Malfoy, which leaves me with more questions than answers. I'm beginning to feel like maybe he really isn't guilty, but I mean, come on, he's Draco, and he definitely knows more than he is letting on.

There were a few typos, but nothing major. I think you've done a great job with the plot and flow so far, giving your reader's just enough to keep it interesting, but not too much as to give it away. Excellent job!

I like how Harry really fights for what he believes, it keeps him true to his character. Even with his friends and co-workers doubting him, Harry knows deep down that everything isn't as it seems. You did a wonderful job with his character.

I really can't wait to read more!!

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Review #2, by Pretense Of Perfection Two

28th July 2014:
Wow, another awesome chapter!

I think you did a wonderful job with characterization, I can totally see Harry sitting up all night, drinking coffee, trying to figure out how to prove Draco killed Pansy. And as far as Draco goes, I can totally see him putting on an act of grief, even if he isn't guilty of murdering her, if that makes any sense.

I did notice a few mistakes, but nothing huge. At one point you say that Pansy's middle name is Calista, and her older sister's name is Astrid, but later the sister's name is Calista. Just a small detail, but one I thought I'd point out.

You've done an awesome job of shedding some light on Pansy's life, without giving too much away. I'm not sure if I think she was murdered or if it was a suicide yet, which is a good thing! You're definitely doing a great job with the suspense, and keeping the readers on their toes.

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Review #3, by Pretense Of Perfection One

28th July 2014:
What a wonderful beginning! You created an air of mystery, while giving us insight to both Harry and Draco's character, but without giving too much away. Absolutely wonderful.

I noticed a few typos, but nothing that distracts the reader's attention. I did find myself laughing when Malfoy "speared his chicken with a spoon," whether it was intentional or not. I think you should leave it, because it was quite funny, but hey that could just be me!

I can't wait to read more and find out what happens. I think you did a wonderful job with the genre so far, especially since it's something you aren't really comfortable writing. Well done!!

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Review #4, by elliecattermole Two

18th July 2014:
I think you're doing a pretty good job of setting up the mystery! It's maybe a little hurried in pace, but if it's not going to be terribly long that is understandable. You definitely have me hooked, I'm gonna keep reading it!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the set up! :) And yeah, it will only be five chapters so it's a quick sort of thing. I'm not sure I'd know how to drag out a long novel length mystery. This short one is hard enough! Thanks for the positive feedback, though. :)

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Review #5, by Veritaserum27 One

7th July 2014:
Hello!

Well, I think you've got a great start here. This first chapter was really riveting. You did a nice job balancing both the mystery and the characterization. You stayed true to canon, Harry is always going to be suspicious of Draco and Draco isn't always what he seems. His motivations are not always clear and there is usually some underlying reason for his actions - although it is not always what the reader thinks! I definitely think that Pansy was murdered, but my jury is still out as to whether or not it was Draco who did it. I also really liked your descriptions. They helped to bring the story along and add another layer to it. Nice job and I can't wait to read what happens next!

House Cup 2014 Review

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Review #6, by lumos_knox Two

7th July 2014:
Hi! I'm here again for the House Cup 2014 Review.

I think you've continued to make this a fantastic story full of plenty of mystery and accusations. I'm still suspicious of Draco just like Harry. I like how you really get the reader to doubt what they might have thought before through your clues and the plot. That's a good mystery.

One suggestion, when you change the place/time/PoV put something marking that. Maybe a line, three asterisks, something like that. It would be a little easier to understand if you did that.

I can see the resemblance between Pansy and Calista. They're both very dismissive and arrogant, and I think you captured these traits very well.

Very intriguing! Thanks for sharing.

Lauren

House Cup 2014 Review.

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Review #7, by lumos_knox One

7th July 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the House Cup 2014 Event Five and thought I'd give your story a look!

So far, it seems very promising. I think you've got the right amount of everything in here. The plot sounds very interesting indeed. I can't decide whether to suspect Draco or not... hmm. I didn't like Pansy Parkinson either, but like Harry, no one wants anyone to die.

Your characterization is quite good concerning Harry and other Aurors, but I'd just make sure that Draco is not too polite. He's putting on an act, but I think he could be a tiny bit more like his old self.

I like the fact that Malfoy's hiding something and Harry is getting suspicious. I wouldn't have been able to tell this was your first time doing mystery if you hadn't said so, actually. It's cute how Ginny agrees with Harry because not only does it mean that she's clued on, but it means that she really does like Harry and she'd probably agree with him on a few things.

One other thing I'd add in here is further description. Describing houses, and a bit more description of people wouldn't go amiss.

Thanks for sharing, it looks like this story is off to a promising start! I'll see you at the next chapter.

Lauren
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2014

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