Reading Reviews for Define Me
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ali Mummy Dearest

10th May 2017:
Please update again!!! This is such a good story. I love it❤️❤️

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Review #2, by potterfan310 Mummy Dearest

16th November 2015:

Lottie and Taylor's friendship is brilliant, and I can't wait to see more of these two as the story goes on. Mostly because Lottie definitely seems like she is going to be a rock for Taylor no matter what, or at least I hope she is.

As for Lottie's mum mistaking Taylor for being gay, I had to laugh!! :)

Two things; I would suggest is splitting up your paragraphs a bit more, huge chunks of text can be hard on the eye to read. Just keep an eye out on americanisms, there were the odd 'mom' instead of 'mum' and the odd spelling mistake.

Can't wait for another chapter, I hope you haven't abandoned this!!!


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Review #3, by KjMalfoy Mummy Dearest

19th July 2015:
Hope you haven't given up on this story! Love it, and can't wait to read more! :)

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Review #4, by milominderbinder Mummy Dearest

4th March 2015:
ahhh, i really love this story!! taylor is such a great OC and i feel so bad for her whole situation, and Lottie is such a great friend, and I love your interpretation of james too! waiting with baited breath for the next chapter! :D


Author's Response: Aw thank you so much! I'm very glad you enjoy it and my characters! I'll be sure to get the next chappie up as soon as I possibly can!

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Review #5, by looneylizzie Mummy Dearest

5th January 2015:
Oh. My. Gosh. Im in LOVE with this story! Its so well written and just amazing!

Cannot wait for more! Please keep updating!

Author's Response: You just made my day! Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it so much!

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Review #6, by Theciscokid Mummy Dearest

3rd January 2015:
Don don da TEDDY keep updateding this story I like it a lot

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad to know that! I write long chapters so it takes me a bit (although normally not as long as this last wait was - writers block hit me like a train I'm afraid) but I'm not abandoning this!

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Review #7, by macpp Mummy Dearest

3rd January 2015:
lovin this story!! bit of a filler, looking forward to more James!! also not too keen on the wee bro being left with her horrid dad, please don't have something bad happen to him :'( will she get to meet the Potter's soon? looking forward to how you portray them

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying it!! That makes me happy! :)

This chapter was a bit of a filler. I needed a filler I'm afraid. BUT Lottie's mum knows now about the pregnancy so at least it wasn't too boring I don't think.

She couldn't take Parker but I promise his situation will be addressed soon! He's not left to the father forever!

She will meet the Potter's soon!

I'm hoping to get them canon...wish me luck!

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Review #8, by MadiMalfoy Prologue: Positive

26th October 2014:
Hi there! MadiMalfoy here with your requested review from way way too long ago! :)

I haven't had a chance to read much next gen with OCs so this is definitely new for me! So far I really enjoy Taylor's and Lottie's characters. They seem like the best friends ever and much older than they really are. I think a lot of people tend to forget that even at sixteen, if you have a job or rough family life, you really are more mature and adult than some actual adults are. The boss man seems very rude! I do hope you punish him in some way eventually!

I don't think you've managed to write any cliches into this, other than the fact that she got pregnant after having sex one time but that's okay! It lends some barriers to the story between her and James. Great job so far, keep up the good work, and please feel free to re-request! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you so so much!

I'm honored you selected my OC story!!

Lottie and Taylor go way back and are very good friends. I agree about people having rough lives growing up faster, I've seen it and believe it completely.

The boss is a knucklehead. >.<

I'm glad you're liking! I'm trying to avoid cliches. And although it was their first time having sex together, it wasn't like a big losing virginiry thing, they have had their share of past experiences.

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Review #9, by potterfan310 Up in Flames

16th October 2014:

JAMES! Yay he's he saved her. ♥

Oh James, you put your foot right in it there. Telling him before Taylor got the chance, but at least I'm glad he knows now. Not too mention he nearly used magic.

Urgh! Her dad, oh my god. How he's managed to keep Taylor and Parker is unbelievable, I wouldn't have been surprised if one of their neighbours or even Lottie called social services on him. Then again I don't suppose Lottie would have wanted Taylor or Parker to end up in the Care system or being separated.

"The only man she needs is me" - Aww James! I'm starting to think maybe he likes Taylor a bit more than he's letting on. And that he isn't just doing everything because she's having his child but because he genuinely care about her.

Couple of grammar mistakes, using comma's instead of full stops and there not being a capital letter where there should be. A read through/reading it out loud should do the trick.

He kicked her out, that much I expected. But Taylor having to leave Parker is heartbreaking. I'm surprised she didn't take him with her.

James, oh James. Not only had he used magic in the presence of a muggle on a muggle, he's in deep trouble at home if Harry and Ginny find out. Not too mention if he's still under age. Is it any wonder she thinks James is insane, he had a LOT of explaining to do! Now that's going to be an interesting conversation.

"sonogram" - In the UK they're called Ultrasounds
"Lottie's mom" - It would be mum.

So happy that Lottie is taking Taylor in, she certainly needs her best friend right now. Can't wait for the next one, poor Taylor. I just hope she lets James talk and explain things.


Author's Response: Yes, YAY for cheesy boy saves girl scenes! Sorry if it was too cliche, I thoroughly enjoyed writing it and glad you liked it!

James has a horrid case of foot in mouth disease which I'm afraid will only worsen xD

Their dad is awful. I understand you're thinking and it will be addressed. But I can say that those who knew just didn't want them taken away to goodness knows where

James liked Taylor before this pregnancy and feelings don't simply disappear. :)

I'm lousy at grammar I'm afraid :p my apologies!

It was heartbreaking but her dad's only reaction I could see was to kick her out. Parker will be tended to in later chapters. Promise.

James is 17, no problems with the age thing. But yes, that conversation should be an interesting one xD

Thank you for the help! I'm from the states and try to incorporate UK lingo but obviously am not always successful :p

Yay for Lottie!

I'm glad you're enjoying!!

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Review #10, by crestwood How It All Began

20th September 2014:
Arnold Jenkins, for some reason, really reminded me of the old man from Up. The way he's kind of rough around the edges and does things to remember his late wife by. I felt really bad for him, especially because if someone is in his spot he actually sits and waits for it to open up. I wonder if it was the place he and his wife had their first date or something similar. His character was just really well developed.

I love seeing Wizards in Muggle settings. I wonder what brought James to this restaurant that she works at. Just in the neighborhood? I love how James acts toward Taylor, he seems like a really good guy. Unless it's all an act, that is. I have seen him portrayed as a heartbreaker, but I hope that he isn't that in this story considering how much Taylor actually does need him to show some responsibility.

Their conversation at the park is excellently done. I'm surprised that Taylor actually does share about her mother! I can understand why she wouldn't explain what her dad is like though..
You didn't overwrite the sex scene thankfully. you give us as much detail as we needed and then kind of cut to black. Some don't ever really master getting that balance right. You also made it believable that they were a bit caught up in the moment and weren't thinking much about protection or consequences. You did an awesome job with that scene.

I do wonder about the present time. Namely, where James is at this point. Are they still in touch? Did he bolt after that night? Is he at Hogwarts now? I'd love to find out if he's going to try and help her out with this child. Even better, if he introduces her to his family. That'd be something I've never seen before in these kinds of stories. Her being a Muggle does change things, doesn't it? Another great chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review! I appreciate it greatly!

He is pretty similar to the old man in Up! I didn't base him off him but I can definitely see the resemblance. I love writing him. More details about him and his late wife will be explored as the story goes on.

James is a nice guy, I don't want to write him as a jerk - I don't see it plausible! His parents are kind, and I hardly believe Molly Weasley would tolerate him being a little *mean word*. Her town is outside of London and I have Teddy living there, that's why he was there.

I loved writing the park scene a great deal! She was feeling comfortable and I think just wanted to vent in a way, that's why she shared.

I don't want to write anything vulgar, I wanted it to be tasteful, so I'm glad I achieved that.

All of your questions get answered. But no, he isn't at Hogwarts just yet.

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Review #11, by crestwood Prologue: Positive

20th September 2014:
You requested this ages ago and I'm horrible and I'm only just now getting around to it and I have no excuse. Anyway, hi I'm Joey and I've been slacking on my review thread, but here I am!

The beginning of this draws in you in really well. I'm a big fan of one word opening lines, especially when the lines that follow are so, well, interesting. I want to know more about this Taylor and who she slept with and what her life is like.

There's something about pregnancy stories that are really alluring if done correctly. This one seems to place the protagonist in an even worse position than these stories do normally. You've given us a whole lot of backstory in a short amount of words. We can see that she and her brother are being raised by this abusive alcoholic father and that she is doing all she can to keep her brother from being taken away from them and this is all before she ever got pregnant. This aren't looking great for Taylor, but I have a feeling that the father of the baby is going to play a larger part in her life than she expects. I love her definitions of bravery. That's an excellent device there. This is a great prologue. It sets up the story in a really great way!

Author's Response: Hi there! So sorry for the extremely late response, I've been busy and had a pretty bad case of writer's block which I am finally getting over! Yay!

I'm so glad that I was able to draw you in from the beginning, that was the goal actually! I know drawing a reader in from the start is important!

I'm really glad you enjoyed this! I also find pregnancy stories intriguing and that's why I wanted to write one. However, I wanted to make it different, I didn't want to write something I've seen written 1000x. That's why I gave Taylor's life so much depth. I'm glad you like it, really and truly!

Thanks for the lovely review!

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Review #12, by Harry and Ginny How It All Began

9th September 2014:
it's sweet how she couldn't resist him and how James showed her he could be a gentleman and treat her right! going to read the next chapter now!^_^


Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

Taylor was in a vulnerable place, and James is swoonworthy, how could she resist? lol.

James js a gentleman, definitely, although that is shown more throughout later chapters when he becomes a primary character.

Glad you liked! I look forward to hearing more from you

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Review #13, by Harry and Ginny Prologue: Positive

9th September 2014:
great first chapter! going to read the next one and I'm very curious!^_^


Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm very happy to know you enjoyed it! I hope you continue to both read and enjoy it!

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Review #14, by potterfan310 Wrecking Ball

9th September 2014:

Yay at last a new chapter! That last Cliffie, nearly killed :p

Oooh James bad move to say that. Bless Taylor, but I love how she handled it! Plus surprise surprise James it quite well. I definitely feel like his jokes were to cover up how scared he is deep down as he tries to process everything.

Taylor, I love her. She's so witty and funny. I feel like her and James are going to get on just fine, just with the added consequences of a baby.

Apart from a few little grammar things, the only thing would be to add maybe a few descriptions towards the end of Taylor and James' conversation and in a few other places near the ned. I'm not saying huge paragraphs but something little, like he ran a hand through his hair. Or Taylor tapping her foot.

I'm glad James is contemplating on telling her, I mean he has to. How else would he explain the baby suddenly making things levitate when it's slightly older. He's certainly got his head screwed on which is nice to see for a change, rather than him over reacting and being a drama queen about the whole 'he got Taylor pregnant thing'.

Lottie I love her too, she is most certainly going to be a rock for Taylor throughout the pregnancy. Plus she's such a great character too!

"he's in elementary school" - It's an American term I know, but I'd say from Parker's age, he's around eight right? That means he would be in Primary school which is what it's called in the UK.

I can't believe James somehow found out where Taylor lives. Not only that the things he taught her brother, uh oh. Though I'm pretty sure he's going to offer Taylor and maybe her brother somewhere to live, because her dad is one hundred per cent going to kick her out, I'm sure of it. But then he has to go to Hogwarts and I'm conflicted. So many questions!?

Another cliffe, ahh nooo. Poor Taylor. I get the feeling that James is going to run out and rescue her (because y'know so cute, he's her knight in shining armor)then she's going to have to explain as to why he was in her room. Then I think it'll come out about the pregnancy and he'll kick her out!

Cannot wait for the next one!


Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much! Reviews honestly make my day a lot better! So you're the best!

I apologize for the wait, life keeps me busy, busy I know what it's like to be waiting for another chapter on here - especially after a Cliffie - I tried to get one up that was up to the standards you all deserve as quickly as possible.

James definitely put his foot in his mouth in this chapter! His jokes were, yes, a lot to mask his real emotions and how scared he is. People don't give guys enough credit, them finding out they're about to have a child they weren't planning for is just as shocking to them as it is to the mother. His emotions and feelings about it will be further explored, but through dialogue seeing as this story is told through Taylor's *interesting* brain. Lol

I love writing Taylor! She's my favorite to write! The fact that I love writing her and my readers seem to really like her is just great because how awful would it be to have a lead I hated writing and you guys hated reading? That would be awful. I've drawn inspirations for all my characters from people I knew (not everything about them, just little quirks and things) and that helps a lot, honestly.

Thanks for the help and suggestions! Grammar is my worst thing. And sorry about the lack of detail, I was starting to feel the chapter was dragging since it was nearly 5000 words and didn't know his much my readers would handle before getting annoyed.

I want to be original in all aspects of the story, his reaction included. I have no desire to write something that's been read/written on here a million times.

Yes, James has to tell Taylor about magic as that he's a wizard. He will tell her. All in good time.

Glad you like Lottie! She's enjoyable to me as well. She definitely will be there to support Taylor! Taylor needs her, and will only continue to need her.

Yes, Parker is around 8. I apologize for the school thing, I wasn't sure what it was called :p

What happens with Taylor's living situation will be addressed next chapter. James found out where she lives for multiple reasons, and I hope it wasn't too creepy. He means well in all he does, it just sometimes comes off wrong.

Sorry about two cliffies in a row! It had to be done! All those ideas/questions will be addressed In chapter 6. I promise this should be the last Cliffie for a while.

Thanks for the lovely review! I hope you contribute to read and enjoy it!

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Review #15, by marauderslover15 Wrecking Ball

8th September 2014:
Hi, here with your requested review.

This is so incredibly good. Especially the last bit. I went to bring the mouse over to "Next Chapter" BUT it was a blank space. *cries*

I know James will step in to help, but I am unsure what will happen after that. Like surely, Taylor will get kicked out. Will she live with James?...But he's going to Hogwarts! AH! So many questions I need answered.

I have no technical stuff to point out. Everything was on point and done well. Taylor even made me laugh. She is so sassy. I love it!

Keep up the good work. I can't wait to see what happens next. =)

Author's Response: You are so sweet, thank you so so much! I must say I truly look forward to your reviews - they make my day!

Thank you so much, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I plan to have the next chapter up as soon as I can, but I write long ones and school keeps me fairly busy, but I promise to keep my updates as quick as possible! I understand what it's like for a reader when the author leaves a Cliffie with no chapter ready next, so I'll get it up as quickly as possible. Oh, and I know I had cliffies on the last 2 chappies, but I promise that isn't something for every chapter. Haha.

There is a lot of questions to be answered, all will be! There's a tough choice here as far as where Taylor will end up. Will she be able to stay living at home? Will she love with James? What about Hogwarts? Or her brother? AH, lots of questions, right? I've thought it over a lot though and really think I've come up with a good solution without it being totally cheesy. lol.

Yay for getting it technically right! Ahhh! :D

I was hoping she'd make you laugh! She is very sassy! I wasn't sure if she would come off as a female dog, but she really isn't. That's just her personality and I'm glad you like her! Having a hated lead character would be pretty awful, right?

So, so glad you're enjoying! That makes me super happy! I'm having a blast writing this!

And sorry my responses are long, I tend to ramble.

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Review #16, by marauderslover15 Issues

26th August 2014:
Hi again! Here for your requested review, obviously.

This is by far my favorite chapter. I love the fact we got to see more of Taylor's life other than work. I love, love her little brother and her interactions with him show that she could be a good mother. That gave me some hope! And I feel so bad for her. I never felt worst for character in a fanfic! Aw, Taylor. I just really hope she gets accepted into James' family.

I am glad to see James make an appearance. They work well together and I love the cliffy. I need to know what happens next! UGH!

Great story. This will do well. =D

Of course, please don't be afraid to rerequest!

Author's Response: Yay, thank you so much!!

I loved this chapter as well, although the following one that I will be submitting very soon is probably one I like a little more. I thought it was about time we see her outside of work. And I has mentioned Parker several times and thought it about time to actually introduce him to the story. (: She has a lot of mothering instinct and knowledge because she has practically raised him since he was very young. She's in a tough spot, I'll say. But I promise that I'm a firm believer that there is light at the end of the tunnel eventually.

The entire Potter/Weasley clan will be introduced soon. First James has to talk to Taylor about everything and decide what he wants to do.

I'm glad the Cliffie wasn't too annoying, I felt it a good place to stop. I was happy to bring James back though! The next chapter picks up right where this left off, no worries. So you'll see a lot more of James and Taylor in the best chapter. As well as a special guest appearance of Parker. :D

Super happy you're enjoying it and I will definitely re-request, I'm loving these reviews!

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Review #17, by marauderslover15 Options

25th August 2014:
Hi again with your requested review! =D

I find it weird that MEN would know if a woman is pregnant. Most men are naive, it would have seem more natural if it was a woman. BUT then again, Mr. Jenkins is old as *(the fiery pits of down under) and would be wise enough especially with 5 kids.

The only warning I could give is you want to make sure your character doesn't turn into a Mary Sue, where everything goes her way. As readers, we heard Taylor make Mr. Jenkins and Mr. Acreman sound like butt holes, but in this chapter they turned around for the better.

Other than that, very great chapter!

P.S.- I love Lottie, especially her name! And she is such a good friend and I hope James somehow makes an appearance soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Mr. Jenkins is a smart man who has seen a lot in his life as well as raised a big family. I saw a movie about a woman with an abusive husband who found herself pregnant due to a drunken night and there was an old man customer who always seemed to know a little more than he should, which is where I gained the inspiration for him. The characters are different but there are similarities as well.

Please don't mark this story as Mary Sue just yet. :p I promise I won't allow that to happen. Mr. Jenkins isn't really a mean man. He's really gruff and insensitive, but flat out mean, he is not. As for her boss, he is not a very nice guy. He just can't fire someone because they're pregnant. It could be different in England, which I should look in to, but I know in America it is not legal to fire someone because they're pregnant. It happens, but is against the law. He didn't just warm his heart, he's just telling her what he feels he has to because he has no good reason to fire her.

I'm really glad you're liking the story so much! I'm loving your reviews a whole bunch!

I love Lottie also, hehe. And thank you, I hoped people would like the name, even though it isn't altogether common to the best of my knowledge.

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Review #18, by marauderslover15 How It All Began

22nd August 2014:
HI! Here again for your requested review.

I have to say, I love flash backs. I find them very fulfilling. It always helps readers understand the background of the story and this chapter did that. I am left wondering about a few minor details though that probably have nothing to do with the bigger plot. For example, why was James in the same town as Taylor?

And when she found out she was pregnant, where was James? In, Hogwarts, I'm guessing? And if he is at Hogwarts, were they staying in contact? Things like that. I still have two more chapter to go so hopefully it will be answered by then...

Secondly, it is refreshing to see something different about a one-night stand rather it being the cause of drunkness. It is different from the usual.

The chemistry between the two just clicked, but sometimes I was left questioning how realistic it was since they were just getting to know each other. But I realized it was a larger time frame that was skimmed through in some parts. This is not a bad thing though as I know the main focus isn't HOW the relationship begin, you just gave readers some background to understand the present story at hand, Taylor being pregnant.

Talking about Taylor, I have to add I so sympathize with her! Drop-out. Working full-time and being mistreated NOW THIS! I hope she will be accepted to the Potter-Weasley clan and truly be loved for once.

Oh and one mistake I noticed, "The good thing about closing up wast" you added the t by mistake when you were writing. Just to let you know, when I notice and point this out, it isn't because I am nit picky, I appreciate when people do it for me so I don't have to be on the search myself HAHA I guess I am lazy.

ANYWAY, another wonderful chapter. And I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review!

I myself love flashbacks as well, they clear up a lot! James was staying in a summer home in her town for the summer, with Fred and Teddy.

No, James was not at Hogwarts yet, the school year hadnt started yet. She got pregnant early in the summer and found out at around 6 weeks, and school doesn't begin until Sept. 1. So James is still around. (:

I'm glad you liked the change! It seems like every story like this I read has the pregnancy a result of too much to drink and I thought it was overdone, I wanted something else.

Writing scenes between James and Taylor just flow right, to me. I love writing them. They hadn't known each other but a couple week, which I know is not ideal and could give some readers a bad impression of Taylor. But this isn't a situation of a girl who sleeps around. She has a really tough life, which will be explored a lot more, and she has a lot of hardships and now she meets this seemingly perfect guy who's really nice and it takes her out of that for a while and that led to them getting together which led to pregnancy. James was essentially her escape.

She does have a hard life, no doubt about that. I can't say anything yet though on what happens when she meets the Potter/Weasley clan. No spoilers.

I greatly appreciate the help, I don't catch things like that myself a lot of the time! lol.

Thank you so much for a lovely review, super excited you enjoyed it!

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Review #19, by marauderslover15 Prologue: Positive

18th August 2014:
Here with your requested review! =D

The introduction was a hooker just by the simple word "Once."

You were able to give readers a general idea of the story's basis in one chapter which was really great. Taylor's life just seems miserable especially when adding the pregnancy to her life. Readers can't help BUT to sympathize with her. =( I was surprise to hear she was 16 especially when she is working full-time. I am unsure how things work over there so my shock might be due to culturally differences.

I am really curious to see how Taylor and James happen and hope you do a mini flashback. =)

Also your descriptions are awesome like the crying part. It was creative!

Really strong start to your story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

I'm really glad you seemed to enjoy it! I wanted to make it different than all the other pregnancy stories, and I think I'm accomplishing that so yay!

Her life is pretty rough, but things will get better eventually.

Chapter two is an entire chapter dedicated to a big flashback so readers can really learn about her history with James and everything. I write long chapters (except for the prologue) so that should be the only flashback chapter needed for the backstory between them.

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #20, by potterfan310 Issues

13th August 2014:

So I love that we now have a good insight into Taylor's home life. Especially how she looks after her little brother. Also love his name, especially as it's slightly unusual! It's like Taylor is a mini mum in the making already, so I get the feeling she is going to be a good one.

Her just seems like a complete an utter idiot. You would think he'd look after his kids since their mum left? But nope it's all him, him, him. I love how it's so original especially her situation.

You have improved SO much and I feel SO PROUD for some reason!! Apart from the odd little grammar thing it is BRILLIANT! I love how you said Lottie was that little bit older than Taylor too :D

My I have two little things. One is the Americanism, I know you can't help it since you've know it all your life, so here goes;
Cooties - We don't even use the term here so I'd maybe suggest germs
Peanut Butter Cup (yum!) - We do have them but only certain shops, like American sweetshop actually sell them
Soccer - Football
Garbage - Rubbish
Cell phone - Mobile phone
Fooseball tourney - Again this isn't actually a thing here unless and I'm going off of the TV FRIENDS, it's like table football? I kind of suspect he might say tournament, if that's what he meant?
We also have a free healthcare service here called the NHS, so Taylor doesn't have to worry about paying any sort of hospital bill unless she chose to go private and that would probably cost quite a bit.

That you've switched from writing eight to 8. It's not a huge thing but sometimes it disrupt the flow. One thing I spotted too was two different sentences got split up halfway through, with the other half of it on another line. And that James left the 'shop' when they went to see Lottie at the end of the night.

JAMES AND FRED, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! The two of them together are fabulous and they are so full of mischief which is one of the reasons I love them. He paints, oh gosh could James get even better *swoons* It kind of makes me happy he slipped up and said Muggle because at some point he is going to have to explain to Taylor everything, especially if the baby starts doing magic.

DUN, DUN DUN!! Oh man Lottie has totally dropped Taylor in it but at least James now knows providing he doesn't accuse Taylor of sleeping which someone else, which could be likely. I'm hyped for the next one to see how his reaction plays out.


Author's Response: Hi again! :)

First, thank you SO much for yet another lovely review! I look forward to your reviews now and can't wait to see your thoughts and opinions as the story furthens!

I felt like now was a good time to further introduce more about her home life! And I love her little brother. He's precious, in my opinion. I'm glad you like the name Parker as well! I wasn't sure if it was too uncommon. She is basically a 'mini mum' so, it won't be too much of a stretch for her, her main problems is the expense and how she'll manage to work and parent a baby because she can't afford a nanny and she can't afford to quit her job.

Her dad is a jerk. I will eventually introduce him, pretty soon I might add, and then you'll be able to completely gather an opinion on him, although I must say that you already have the right opinion. He is very selfish and dislike able. That probably won't change upon seeing him. :p

Making this story original was extremely important to me, honestly. I did not want to write something I had essentially already read.

YAY! I'm glad I've improved! I've been trying to take your help into consideration and put it to use! You've helped me a lot!

Thank you soo much for the tips on Britishisms! Being American I don't know all of these things and some I simply forget. So thank you, it's very easy to forget that not all terms are universal.

James and Fred are, to me, sort or like Fred and George from the canon books. They're mischievous but caring and they're a lot of fun to write. I thought the muggle slip whole already stir up something and you're right, she will have to be told eventually. She might be a little bit shocked to find out her baby is making magic happen. Lol. I've been weighing the options of when to have him tell her, but I haven't come to a definite conclusion yet.

Yep, Lottie has gotten her in a sticky situation! But he needed to know eventually I felt and the story can really pick up once he knows, it opens a lot of doors. His reaction will be in the next chapter, which I'm working on. I'm trying to quick updates while still having good chapters. Lol.

Thank you for a great review! I can't wait to read your next one!

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Review #21, by Bel Issues

9th August 2014:
I've been reading this fic and I really like it. Its different from other teen pregnancy stories which makes it more interesting. And I appreciate the fact that your updates are so quick!
I hope to read more of this fic soon :)

P.S. Sorry for my english, its not my native language!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you've found my story and are liking it! I really wanted to make it different than other stories, I want mine to stick out. Lol. I try to have quick updates! I'm writing long chapters so they aren't instant, but I have a general outline of how this story is going to go, so that helps also. Thank you!

Oh, and I completely understood everything, no worries! :)

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Review #22, by potterfan310 Options

28th July 2014:

I really love Lottie and Taylor, especially the dynamics between them. HA! I can't believe it was old Mr Jenkins who caught on to Taylor being pregnant.

I'm probably being stupid but what's an ATV? Is it an America term? Also Taylor says 'Lottie's mom' rather than mum.

I definitely one hundred per cent think Lottie is totally going to stick by Taylor through the whole pregnancy. Hopefully Taylor will take the option of living with her too, she's so lucky having a best friend like Lottie. She's certainly wise too, knowing that Taylor has to tell James since it's his kid too.

I am so glad that her boss is understanding at least and will let her have a job afterwards. Maybe he isn't such a meanie after all.

I'm guessing you're American? Forgive me if I'm wrong but in the UK you legally cannot drive at sixteen, you can start learning to drive at seventeen but most people don't pass until they're eighteen. Unless Lottie is 18 I would suggest changing it to make it seem more real.

Taylor is just brilliant! I love her character and now I know she's definitely a muggle I'm really intrigued as to what will happen because I'm guessing James will be going back to Hogwarts soon for his sixth or seventh year. I'm also excited for his reaction, providing Taylor does tell him and he doesn't find out the summer after when he comes back or something :p

Apart from the odd letter/mix up with a comma and full stop. I think my only CC might be to split the paragraph at the very start up into two smaller ones.
This sentence "He said he wants to make sure you still have all "yer limbs and things." I don't know, just please go out there. I feel like he's about to have a mental episode or something." Rather than using speech marks in the middle of her sentence just use a ' as it looks neater and doesn't differ from what she is actually saying, if that makes sense. And again when Taylor mention pregnancy as a 'good' thing, try sticking to speech marks for speech and use ' instead.

And that you change from writing the numbers out but then going back to numbers. E.g sixteen years old and 16-18 weeks. With that Gender scan are more between 18 and 20 weeks.

Hope that doesn't seem too harsh? But it's the little things which can make a big difference in a story. Looking forward to the next one!


Author's Response: Hi again! :)

I love writing Lottie and Taylor scenes! I try to make them realistic and yet still different so I'm glad you like them!

I liked the idea of Ole Mr. Jenkins learning first! I actually like him and plan to have him make some more appearances. I have some ideas that he'll play an important role to Taylor later on, but it's undecided.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot that wasn't a universal term. It's a four wheeler, if that's a term used universally. Oops, I missed the mom/mum thing. I try and make sure I use the English terms, but I miss things sometimes.

Lottie is a good friend and she genuinely cares about Taylor and wants to stick by her. Taylor's living arrangements are discussed after she tells her dad, which won't be much farther away.

Her boss isn't evil, we'll see more of him later on though and you'll be able to get a better feel for him.

I am American. I wasn't aware of those laws! Huh. Well, I had planned on Lottie being older, so I think her being 18 is fine. She was just going to be 17, but 18 works just as well and that solves that problem. :p

Thank you for the grammar help! I struggle with that. But I will definitely remember that for coming chapters!

You aren't being harsh at all, you're helping me! Thank you so much!

I'm glad you're liking the story! I promise it'll start picking up soon! James comes back in chapter four, and soon she will tell her father. So we will finally meet the dreaded dad!

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Review #23, by potterfan310 How It All Began

10th July 2014:

Me again.

I really like the start, especially with Mr Jenkins. I've seen a few posts on tumblr about an old man who continued going to the diner he and his wife went too, even though she had passed. It breaks my heart a little to see he's all alone after all those years, but at least he's found comfort in coming to the restaurant where Taylor works. Is a cafe or restaurant? As in the first chapter you said restaurant but in this cafe?

Ahh and so James arrives :D Of course he's with Fred! I adore those two as best friends as well as pranksters like their name sakes!!

I'm definitely curious about Taylor's background especially as in the summary it says James called her a muggle? Which brings me to the question is Taylor a witch or is she a muggle?

I like James so far! He's definitely a gentlemen offering to walk Taylor home, but he's definitely cocky which I also like

Few little mistakes, again with missing capital letters and mixing up a comma and full stop. Again looking over will help. Also this sentence: "He was a seventy two year old war vet." - It took me a few seconds to realise you meant war veteran, rather than a animal vet :p Maybe stick to using the full word to avoid confusion.

"I'm a might spot more comfortable than that log," he gestured to said log" - This didn't quite make sense?

I think that despite everything Taylor has a good head on her shoulders. I feel bad for her because she knows that she's in a crappy situation to bring a baby into.

Definitely adding this to my favourites and I'm looking forward tot he next one.

House Cup Review 2014 - Gryffindor


Author's Response: Hi again! Thank you once more for the lovely review, I love reading reviews and promise to always respond when I get the chance. (:

Mr. Jenkins is a fairly gruff man, but I surprisingly do like writing him and am considering him making a few more reappearances before the end of the story. I'd read something (perhaps on tumblr, I'm not sure) about basically the same thing, so I thought it would be a neat idea to have him in there. Oops, I didn't realize I had changed it. :p I think I want it to be a cafe, so I will fix chapter 1. Thank you for pointing that out to me.

Yes, James is here, accompanied by Fred! James will obviously be in a lot of the story, but I don't want to make Fred a stranger, he'll be there too. :)

Taylor's background gets explained more and more as the story goes on, I just didn't really want to bore anyone with a long biography about her past. Ha. And she is a muggle! I had never seen a pregnancy story with a muggle being the one who got pregnant and thought it would be different. I think it opens more doors as it's something different. And we know it does happen as children like Seamus will point out. Lol

I enjoy writing James a lot actually! So yay, I'm glad you liked him! I stick with the James stereotype of him being a little cocky, but he is a good guy. And I don't think Harry and Ginny would raise their boys not to be gentleman, so that's where my thinking on that came from.

Grammar is my biggest struggle. I apologize about the vet. issue, I will change that and use the full words now, I didn't think about how it could cause confusion, but I see it now.

I worded that very I apologize

I think you're right about Taylor. She is a smart girl and she tries to do the right thing, and she is now indeed in a bad situation. She will struggle with the keeping it vs. adoption storyline later on. (I'll already eliminate the other option because if she did that there would be no story :p lol)

I'm so happy you're liking it and added it to your favorites! I look forward to your next review, I'll try to update as quickly as I can. :)

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Review #24, by potterfan310 Prologue: Positive

10th July 2014:

I'm a complete sucker for pregnancy stories as well as James/OC and I'm exited to read this!

The flow of this is really good and her boss definitely seems like such an unsympathetic person. Somehow I don't think he's going to appreciate that Taylor got pregnant when she's like eight months a long and he needs her to work.

Taylor is definitely interesting so far and I cannot wait to find out more about her home life and family, because it is a hundred per cent different to the normal OC girl in these type of stories.

Her friend Lottie, is a great character not too mention friend. I already thinks that you've made the premise that she will stick by Taylor throughout the pregnancy providing she goes on with it.

I think it's nice that Taylor is a little in denial, and that it either is baby or as she said some weird disease. I love your description of when Taylor is crying just after Lottie's looked at the test and pulled her into a hug.

There are a few little spelling/grammar mistakes such as missed capital letters and using a comma rather than full stop. But it's nothing that a read over won't sort and if this is going to be a novel if you feel like you'll need it, maybe a beta will be better in the long run.(PM me maybe? if you do want one?)

House Cup Review 2014 - Gryffindor


Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Thank you so much for the lovely review! This made me happy!

I'm such a sucker for pregnancy stories and James/OC stories as well, it's kind of my guilty pleasure.

I'm glad it flowed well! That's one of the things I really worry about. You're right about her boss, he is not going to be pleased, but that plays out a little bit later.

I'm so glad you like Taylor! I would be really upset if everyone hated her bc it's really her story. Lol. I really wanted to make her different from typical OCs. I feel often that I read about the exact same OC in different stories and the only things that really change are the name. I wanted to give her more depth, I guess.

I love writing Lottie! I definitely plan to have her stick around, she's a great friend and Taylor needs her.

I thought finding out you're pregnant would be a bit of a shock and that she would have a lot of emotions, so I'm glad you liked that.

I'll def. re-read for errors and I would love if you'd like to beta! I don't have the next chapter ready just yet, but I have about a third or so of the chapters completely plotted, so it won't be long.

Thank you!!

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