Reading Reviews for Seek and Chase
21 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa!! Interlude

6th January 2015:
Hey Olivia!

Here to review the last posted chapter and after the reveal tomorrow, I'm going to continue to review this story as you post new chapters (but I won't have to be in secret anymore!)

I really, really liked this interlude - it was a nice break for the Lily/Jacob story line and helped move along the mystery part really nicely. I also liked that you wrote exactly what you needed and didn't overdo it. I feel like a lot of authors try to make sure so many details and back story are crammed into chapters, that they end up being really tedious. This was done really well. I'm very creeped out by Alexandra - she seems far more dangerous than I thought before - oof!

The only hint that I'm going to give you as to my identity is that I've been on your list of suspects, but you haven't guessed me yet :)

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

It makes me really happy to hear that! I guess I just have to post new chapters. That'll be the hard part. I'm the world's slowest writer. *awaits Guinness World Record award*

I'm glad you liked the interlude. That was one of the things I worried about - whether or not I overdid it and if Alexandra was creepy enough.

And, going back, I realized that I could've figured you out a lot earlier than the reveal - the second review you left (I think) you left a heart symbol, and you're the only reviewer I know who does that.

Thanks for being an awesome Secret Santa!


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Review #2, by Secret Santa!! Hogsmeade (Jacob)

3rd January 2015:
Hiya Olivia,

Another review and I can't believe I'm getting to the end of the posted chapters!

Aww, the Hogsmeade trip - I think I've been looking forward to this as much as Lily and Jacob!

My favorite line of the whole story:

We walked quickly down to the Great Hall, each preoccupied in our own thoughts; mine were a mixture of food and Lily.

Aww, he's in deep, man.

Glad to see Sagitta and Lily having it out - hopefully those two will work out their differences, but I do feel a bit like Saggita is being a little too judgmental on Lily here - I mean, she didn't want Lily pointing out flaws in her own choice in a boyfriend - but I guess that's how teenage friendships sometimes work. I also really liked seeing a different side to Stoddard here - he really isn't so bad and it's awesome that you were able to show that by writing the story with two different POVs. I'll admit that I've written a story with that technique, but I wasn't able to keep up alternating the chapters as you have.

Haha - Harry was awesome - great job on characterization, and I really liked reading how he interacted with Lily and Jacob. He knew Lily would be angry with him, but he had his reasons. And he immediately picked up on Lily and Jacob's chemistry with each other. (It seems everyone picks up on this, except those two - even Stoddard).

Poor Jacob - migraine headaches are the worst! I hope he feels better soon!

Great chapter!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I looked forward to the Hogsmeade trip too! It was fun to write.

I'm glad you liked that line! He IS in deep, and I think he's perfectly content that way.

Sagitta and Lily will eventually work out their differences, mainly because, as you said, Stoddard isn't as bad as he seemed in the third chapter.

I'm going to assume you're talking about ASLTW here - you pulled off the alternating POV perfectly there! What are you talking about? (I will admit that that's the only of your stories that I've read so far.)

I'm glad you liked Harry's characterization. I had a hard time trying to write him and get him right.

And yes, Lily and Jacob are oblivious. Their chemistry will have to be drummed into their skulls by somebody else.

Headaches DO suck. He'll be fine, though.


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Review #3, by Secret Santa!! Contents of a Letter (Lily)

3rd January 2015:
Hi there Olivia!

I didn't forget about you - it's just been a busy week (ya know, I am Santa and I had to deliver a bunch of gifts...) But now it's time for YOUR gifts!

On to the proper review:

Jacob's and Lily's relationship seems to be taking a natural progression. They are both being careful about moving too fast. Although I was kind of sad that she keeps telling herself that they are just going to Hogsmeade as friends, when Jacob clearly wants to be more than that. :(

And I'm loving the mystery that's developing. Although I feel like Harry should've treated his children equally. Lily is not the type to scare easily and I think Harry might've done more damage trying to skirt the issue. Extra defense lessons! It reminds me of Harry taking extra lessons from Snape!

So there are 2 other things I haven't mentioned yet that I keep forgetting to tell you!

1. I love the DADA teacher's name. Blenkisop - Where did you come up with that?

2. I love you chapter summaries. It's brilliant that you are using awesome quotes for each one. I love it!

Great job on another great chapter!

~Your Secret Santa

And there are two things that

Author's Response: Beth, what makes you think I thought you had forgotten about me? You were an amazing Secret Santa!

I'm glad you like their relationship (which, admittedly, it isn't yet). The trip to Hogsmeade is basically a date (which Jacob realizes but Lily doesn't. It'll be drummed into her later).

Harry is a bit more protective of Lily, as she is his only daughter. The defence lessons will go better than Harry's lessons with Snape did, although I know that's not saying much.

I honestly don't know remember where Blenkinsop came from. As far as I can remember, his name just showed up and it was perfect.

I hate summaries so I'd rather find a quote that fits the chapter than summarize the chapter.


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Review #4, by slytherinchica08 Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

29th December 2014:
Alright so I was approached by your Secret Santa to use your story as my first live reaction tweet story so here I am! I'm so excited to be reading this story as I've seen it around and have meant to read it but for some reason have not done so yet! Before I even get to your actual story, I wanted to say that your banner and summary are absolutely fantastic! They each pull in readers and really made me excited to read this story and see where you go with it! I'm honestly shocked that this story hasn't gotten more attention yet! Oh well hopefully by the end of this I can create more interest in this story! Now onto your actual review!

Those poor Malfoys! Their family always ends up with the really weird names but yet it always seems becoming of the Malfoys and almost like they are saying "Hey we have more money then you, see how weird we name our children."

I love your use of manhandle here. I don't know why but it really made the scene of her trying to hold all of these different items plus keep up with Sagitta that much more vivid in my mind. I can only imagine how she must look to everyone else. AHAHA and there I go laughing because I imagine that she must look kind of crazy!

Ooh I love that Lily actually has brown hair! First of all its very original. And second, the whole reason behind her having brown hair is just absolutely amazing! The fact that James messed up on a potion and it caused Lily to have brown hair is just (yep you guessed it) original! Its a wonder that people haven't really thought of this before! This small detail in and of itself has already begun to make this story stand out even more to me! Great little detail!

AHAHA I'm liking Sagitta already! Blowing up a classroom on day one! She probably made Seamus jealous with her abilities, though she has a long way to go to catch up with him.

Oh my goodness! I can just imagine the whole of Gryffindor standing outside the common room just waiting for someone to come along and give them the password. It must have been a very quiet time in the common room and probably the last time that the common room would be that quiet!

The beginning of this story was really well done! I only found a few minor mistakes such as spelling errors, but nothing too horrible that it tripped me up or anything. The whole chapter flowed really well together and the way that you ended it definitely makes me wonder what exactly is going to happen in this story. Over all, it was a really good beginning and I can't wait to continue on and find out more about Jacob.

Great Job!


Author's Response: Hi Erica!

Haha, it does seem as though they are saying that, doesn't it? Maybe Scorpius will give his kid a normal name. We'll have to see..

Lily probably looked just like everybody else, trying to wrestle their stuff onto the train. It's something I put in from my own experience traveling - "Here, get on this train, while carrying your 60 pound suitcase. All by yourself. And find your seat. Without knowing where it is." At least the Hogwarts Express doesn't have assigned seats.

I did notice that in the books, (at least I don't think) there's no mention of how their trunks got on the train.

I'm glad you like the brown hair! I had honestly forgotten about it because it doesn't pop up in later chapters.

Bahahaha I don't think anyone could catch up with Seamus in the department of setting stuff on fire. He's the king in that regard.

It's definitely the last time the common room's going to be that quiet. Gryffindor is a rather rowdy house.

I thought I caught all the spelling mistakes! *rereads chapter*

Thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked this chapter (and that you followed through with Beth's suggestion)!


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Review #5, by Infinityx The Disadvantages of Being a Prefect (Lily)

25th December 2014:
Hi Bella! Here for the BvB!

I saw you had another story which I haven't read up - Fanged Revolution - but I really wanted to continue this one so here I am. I'll check that one out soon though. :)

I really like how the story is progressing. It's well paced and you've given enough attention to each scene to make it come to life. The simple tone and casual manner of Lily's PoV just adds to the effect.

Ah, I can't wait for the quidditch tryouts. From what I gathered so far, the sport is going to be a major part of this story and it seems like the momentum and drama will pick up once that starts.

Haha, Professor Blenkinsop. I like that name. :D

I love how you brought in the Bat-Bogey hex. It's such a great way of connecting to canon and bringing in Ginny's signature spell. Really nice detail there.

Stoddard seems like a nasty one. No surprise there, given his parentage. And his threat to Lily about the quidditch match just adds on to my anticipation of how things will progress then. It also seems like he's targeting Lily in particular, and Jacob, now that he and Lily are good friends. I wonder if that's got something to do with Lily being Harry's daughter. Or maybe Stoddard does have some kind of feelings for her, judging from the way he was really suggestive when he went over to the Gryffindor table. Hmm, I'm really curious to know things will turn out between them as well. A romantic element would just add to the drama!

Great chapter, once again. I'll be back soon!

Merry Christmas. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like the progression. I didn't want to make it too rushed. Quidditch will definitely be a major part of this story.

The Bat-Bogey hex wasn't the original spell. I wanted Lily to use something that would humiliate Stoddard without actually harming him. After searching, I came across the Bat-Bogey hex and realized it was perfect.

Stoddard does seem horrible in this chapter, but he softens up later on. He doesn't really have feelings for her, though.


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Review #6, by Secret Santa!! A Man to Man Talk, Times Two (Jacob)

24th December 2014:
Hiya Olivia!

Here for another Chapter. Aww, this was so sweet. I know there wasn't a whole lot of plot going on. Ummm - except for the most important part of the plot - THEY ARE GOING TO HOSGMEADE TOGETHER!!

The "talk" with Albus went better than I'd hoped. I'm starting to like his character a lot. He really respects Lily and is going to demand that Jacob does as well. He's also willing to let Lily handle herself - because he knows she can. I don't think anyone wants to get on her bad side. Haha!

I feel like there might be a little more to come with the information about Jacob's aunt being released from Azkaban. If she's the family "bad apple," this might spell trouble for him. My only (super tiny) suggestion is to change the headline from "Olivanders Wand Stealer" to "Olivanders Wand Theif." It's just an opinion, but I think it sounds more like a headline - seriously not a big deal.

I really like how similar Lily and Albus are - in how they both eat their buns! It was really cute.

And my favorite line in the entire chapter was:

Lily should smile more often.

It was just really sweet and shows that he really is getting in deep!

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Yes, Lily and Jacob are going to Hogsmeade together. I think that section was my favourite part of the chapter (mainly because I envisioned myself and my own special someone in their places).

Albus definitely respects Lily, and knows that she is capable of handling herself. Lily is very much like her mother in that respect (not that Jacob would disrespect her anyway). And you're right, nobody wants to get on her bad side!

Jacob's aunt is very much the family "bad apple" - rotten to the core.

I'll go do that - thanks for suggesting it!

Jacob is definitely getting in deep!


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Review #7, by Secret Santa!!! Awkwardness All Around (Lily)

24th December 2014:
Hi there Olivia!

So... you've been up all night trying to figure out who I am, huh? Well hopefully, you're asleep and can wake up to some new Secret Santa Surprises (apparently I like alliteration).

Wow! This was a chock-filled chapter! I fall more in love with Lily and her personality with each chapter. I can see how she comes off as far too direct and maybe a little cold(?) to others, but I really, really love her honesty and wit.

Haha! The scene in the boys' dormitory! I visited my brother in college for a night and I'm still scarred by the things I saw. Specifically the bathroom. I can't even - ugh!

Oh no! Of course they got caught! I love how Lily knows that Jacob likes her and of course she likes him, but she still not sure what to do about all of that. You showed that really well. Great writing by not coming out and saying it - it is coming off as a really realistic teenage romance (hopefully).

Albus was funny - typical older brother. I love that he's a Ravenclaw. Although, I feel a little sad that he and Lily aren't closer. But maybe that's in part due to her personality.

PS: I think the answer to the riddle is bookkeeper.

Until next time!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Yes, I was up all night trying to figure out who you were, and Tanya was leading me astray. "I'll never tell! Mwuahahaha!" made me think it was her, not you.

Lily's honesty and wit is fun to write. The scene in the boys' dormitory is inspired by the horrible, horrible messes that are my sisters' rooms. I'm not even going to talk about their bathrooms. They're disgusting. Let's just say that.

Of course they get caught - I have to move the plot along somehow! I'm glad it comes off as a realistic teenage romance - I am a teenager myself. The she-knows-he-likes-her-but-is-afraid-to-talk-to-him-about-it part comes from personal experience.

I'm glad you liked Albus, and yes, the answer was bookkeeper.

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Review #8, by Secret Santa!! In With the New (Jacob)

19th December 2014:
Hi there, Olivia!

Secret Santa is back!

While this chapter did not have as much drama or plot, it does have some fantastic Jacob/Lily interaction! I'm glad she feels like she can open up to him. I think the two of them are a bit closer than either of them realize. They both say they don't really know the other person, but there is a comfort level between the two of them that is obvious.

Lily isn't afraid to tell anyone anything - as evidenced by her row with Sagitta, but it seems that Jacob is willing to be frank with Lily about her treatment toward her best friend.

Haha - I love how you kept the chapter light with a bit of humor over Jacob's eating habits. He was trying so hard to impress her. :)

And what's this?? He wants to get to know her better and she smiles back! Yes! But oh, I'd hoped there would be a bit more after that. ASK HER TO HOGSMEADE, JACOB!!!

His Mom works at the department of Magical Sports and Games - so does James! Maybe they know each other. I'm also curious about Jacob's connection to the Malfoys. He said his aunt knows them and I'm wondering if there's more to that.

Again, you've done a great job with this!

~Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

They're both a bit thick-headed when it comes to the other.

Jacob isn't afraid of Lily - he just wants to impress her.

There will be more because HE DOES ASK HER TO HOGSMEADE!

They do know each other, but not very well. His aunt knows the Malfoys, but his aunt isn't a very good aunt, so that association isn't a good thing.


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Review #9, by Secret Santa!! Out With the Old (Lily)

19th December 2014:
Hi there Olivia!

Here for another review :)

Wow. I did not see this coming. Holy cow. Lily and Sagitta seemed like such close friends - what the heck is going on??!

Although Sagitta makes some good points (I bet Stoddard really has had a rough time at school), I think she's overlooking some serious flaws in his personality. I think it is very telling how your boyfriend treats your best friend. She admitted that Stoddard is judging Lily because of her dad, but he also doesn't want to be judged based on his father. Sagitta is in a tough spot, and being a Malfoy, can relate to him. But she shouldn't alienate Lily because of her father (who was just doing his job and put those DESERVING criminals in Azkaban). Also, I don't think Sagitta has any right to tell Lily who she can and can't date - or to pass judgement on her relationship with Jacob (dating or otherwise). I'm starting to be irritated with Sagitta. You don't just drop your best friend for a guy.

Stress reading. I love it. How do you come up with this?

I loved how your portrayed the drama in this chapter it was totally unexpected and written so well - it kept me on the edge of my seat. I wanted to yell at my computer.

And - what was that at the end??? Maybe Lily does have feelings for Jacob! Oooo!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Sagitta is both right and wrong here, and that's all I'm going to say (mainly because I don't really like this chapter and am probably going to rewrite it at some point.)

Stress reading is something I do (mainly with HPFF, which gets me more distracted).

Yes, Lily does have feelings for Jacob!


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Review #10, by Secret Santa!! Quidditch Tryouts (Jacob)

19th December 2014:

Another review from your secret santa - you must've been very good this year!

This story just keeps getting better and better with each chapter. You've given a clear voice to both main characters. As confident as Lily is, Jacob is equally unsure. He doesn't have her self assurance. He is at a new school, obviously, and he is still learning the ropes. I like that he isn't Mr. Macho or anything like that. And you did a nice job by showing this in his thoughts, speech and actions! :)

I thought you wrote the Quidditch tryout really well! J.K. (I think) said that writing the matches was the hardest part for her. This came off beautifully. I could follow the action and it was interesting to read as well.

And your writing style is so much fun! I love how you break the fourth wall time and again. It makes reading so much fun.

Crossing my fingers that Jacob makes the team!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I don't really like guys that are Mr. Macho, so I avoided writing Jacob that way. It's easier to write a character when you like them.

J.K. was write. It is hard, but I'm glad it was easy to follow.

Jacob does make the team (but since you've read everything posted you know that).


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Review #11, by Secret Santa!! The Disadvantages of Being a Prefect (Lily)

19th December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here to leave another review on this story! I'm really falling in love with Lily here - I like her more and more every chapter. She is confident, but not overconfident - well not too much, anyway. She still has to try hard in classes and seems to care about her fellow Gryffindors.

Stoddard Lestrange. Wow. I'm impressed. Creating this character was genius. I'm really intrigued by him. I think he is a big bully and it seems that he has it out for Lily. Probably because of who her father is. On that note, his dad must be really, really old. Rabastan was around Lucius's age!

Stoddard seems a bit arrogant, but he must be a pretty clever wizard to best Jacob while he was keeping an eye on him.

I really like that you haven't thrown Lily and Jacob together right away (if that is even your plan) This is a much nicer pace for the story and they seem to get along, but you've managed to avoid all of that "ooo - does he like me, like me or just like me?" teenage drama.

Great story so far!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I'm glad you like Lily. She's a mixture of myself and a lot of my friends.

Stoddard Lestrange is fun to write. On the note of your on that note, I'll probably edit that and change it so that Rabastan is his grandfather, mainly because of the age.

It is a Lily/Jacob pairing, and I don't really like that teenage drama. (Of course, it does show up later, because they're uncertain teenagers and they don't really know how romance works.


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Review #12, by Secret Santa!! Arithmancy (Jacob)

17th December 2014:
Hi there - Secret Santa here for the next chapter!

I really, really like that you chose to write this with different points of view. It makes me feel closer to the characters.

Although not a lot of plot happened in this chapter, I don't think that undermines its importance. We needed to learn a little more about Jacob and his thoughts and feelings. I also feel like we got to see more of Lily here as well.

You are pacing their friendship (maybe more at some point) nicely. They aren't instantly in love with each other, but are finding common interests and activities - such as Quidditch and Prefect duties. They also both seem to be very sensible and kind.

I chuckled at Lily's impatience with the Quidditch tryouts. I can't help but see a bit of myself in her. I wanted to say "Hey buddy, if you really wanted to play Quidditch, you should've made sure you knew when try-outs were!"

And Lily is a reader! And not ashamed in the least. I think I love her even more! ♥

Nice job with the story so far!

~Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

That was my aim! It made me feel closer to my characters as well (writing from their POV). Especially since now they're stuck in my head begging "Write me! Write me!" when I a) have writer's block and b) have finals next week and don't have time to write.

I don't believe in love at first sight. From what I've seen in the few romance movies I've watched and romances I've read, the two are interested in each other at the start and then fall in love as they get to know each other.

And yes, Jacob should've made sure he knew when tryouts were. *laughs*


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Review #13, by Secret Santa!! Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

17th December 2014:

Your Secret Santa here to leave you a review on your novel!

I really like the voice you've created for Lily here. She is confident and bold - as most Gryffindors usually are. She seems very comfortable with herself and I thoroughly enjoyed that. It is refreshing to read a main character that isn't emotionally distraught or full of angst. However, you've provided enough of a story line to give us a bit to think about. Jacob Walker seems like he'll be an interesting character to throw a bit of a curve into Lily's life. I'm not sure I completely believe her that she's cooled off from her initial attraction of him...

I also really enjoyed how Lily seems to have a conversation with the reader. It drew me in and made me feel part of the story.

You put in just enough detail and small points to keep me wanting more. Who is this new professor? Why did Sagitta (LOVE the name, by the way) think that Jacob had been in their classes prior to this year? Very interesting!

Great first chapter!

~ Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I'm glad you like Lily. She was a lot of fun to write, and some of her lines made me laugh when I first came up with them. Jacob Walker does throw a curve into her life, and no, she hasn't cooled off from that initial attraction.

Those questions are answered later; Sagitta's reasoning is a bit more malicious (not on her part though. Let's just say it has something to do with Alexandra).


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Review #14, by Infinityx Arithmancy (Jacob)

16th December 2014:
Hi, here for the BvB!

It's been a while since I read the first chapter of this and I'd meant to get back to this sooner. I've finally got the chance to amidst all my work.

This was a really nice second chapter. It's certainly set a base for Jacob's character and all the small details have added to understanding his personality.

I like how you've brought in simple events like Arithmancy class and homework. They are things that a lot of people overlook as important in a plot but they add a lot more to making a story whole and not just the major events that keep it going.

I loved his interaction with Lily. It's a realistic conversation, easy to relate to and it's basically a common way in which friendships are formed. Great job with that!

I'm excited to see how Quidditch tryouts and the rest of the story will play out, especially his relationship with Lily.

I didn't notice any mistakes here and the chapter flowed easily. Great job! I'll be back soon! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you liked it! That was mainly the reason why I wanted to do the alternating POVs - people need to get to know Jacob.

Since they are at school, they do need to do schoolwork. I don't know why people would forget it, since if you don't want to include the work, you can make it an adult-age romance.

I'm glad you like their conversation! Their friendship won't be a friendship for much longer. *winks*

I'm glad there are no mistakes. I always seem to miss one, even after rereading. Come back whenever!


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Review #15, by maraudertimes Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th December 2014:
Ohmigoodness I completely forgot to redo this, I'd written a review late at night and it crashed on me so I saved this chapter so I could review it later and I never got back to it - I AM SO SORRY!!!

Okay, so this chapter was really cool. You introduced your characters, you introduced Jacob *wiggles eyebrows while giving knowing look*, you didn't really introduce a problem (unless Jacob is, in that case you did) and you made me laugh (but really, I would kick my trunk down some stairs too if I had to do that!).

Lily seems quite down-to-earth, if somewhat strange. She seems very headstrong to me, contrasting against the typical bookworms, but it's fresh and new and I haven't really read any characters like her, so I like it. Her relationship with Sagitta (cool name by the way) is really funny, again strange, but the dynamic between the two is really good and I thought their dialogue was well done.

I wonder where the other prefects are? I guess perhaps that's part of your introduction to the problem! :P

I wouldn't consider Jacob a dark wizard quite yet, although for Lily to think so just because she fancies him is a little bit funny, but the whole Canada thing is a bit strange (well, not Canada - go poutine, beavertails, and me!), but I'd be interested in hearing about his past, especially his schooling and experiences there and how they matched up with the ones he'll experience at Hogwarts.

Aaah! McGonagall! I see her as the Headmaster too during those times! :) She is amazing and although she isn't as... eloquent (?) as an older McGonagall seems to me, that is totally my interpretation and your version of her is quite good as well! :)

Great job!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo! It's no problem! I've had computers crash on me in the middle of reviews too. (And accidentally refreshed the page. And accidentally closed the page. And gone back to the story summary. Grr.)

*looks awkward* Knowing look? What for? He's totally not based on someone I know IRL! *whistles and looks away* He's definitely not the problem, unless you consider future crushes a problem. I think I would kick my trunk down the stairs too :)

Lily and Sagitta's friendship is based on my friendships with people I know. Upon reflection, they would appear to be somewhat odd to other people. Sagitta's name is from a Wikipedia list of stars. Poor Malfoys, never going to have normal names.

Canada definitely isn't strange! Definitely go poutine, beavertails, and you! (And me as well! *waves flag*

McGonagall is still the Headmistress, mainly because I was too lazy to come up with a name for a new one. I know JKR said she'd retired by then, as she was "getting on in years" but she wasn't as old as Dumbledore was when he died. He was, what? 150? I remember the Trio joking about it in one of the films, and I think he would've stayed on indefinitely if he hadn't cursed himself with the ring Horcrux. And I don't really like writing eloquent speeches so I didn't.

I'm glad you liked it! (If you ever want to swap again just leave a comment on my forum profile, or PM me.)


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Review #16, by ssslytherinnn Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

4th December 2014:
Hi Bella!

First off, I wanted to say how much I love the way you portray Lily. I am a sucker for characters like this; bookish, aloof, sure of themselves, no time for nonsense or distractions. I think she is very strong... though I would have liked to have seen more emotion come from her, there was a lot of her telling about what was happening but not particularly showing the readers. Sprinkling in a bit of inner monologue or descriptive feelings/words can really help the reader see what you are envisioning in your mind.

I really liked Sagitta as well, she seems to get Lily and of course there must be a reason why Lily chose to be her friend above others. So I am excited to learn more about her as a character!

Good start!

Love and Magic,

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like Lily (and Sagitta). They're fun characters to write.

I've had a few people give me that CC. As I write more chapters I try and add more description/inner monologue so hopefully the later chapters are better in terms of that.


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Review #17, by sleepingdragons Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

17th October 2014:
Hey, here from the review thread :)
I really enjoyed this first chapter! I think the way you've characterised the next gen characters, especially Lily, is really good. I really liked Lily - the fact that she's a bit no nonsense, and a bookworm. And Jacob Walker... well he sounds pretty dreamy haha! I'm interested to see where that'll lead...
- sleepingdragons xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Lily is definitely a no-nonsense type of person. Jacob Walker to me I don't see as dreamy (but then again he's my OC, and my view of him is a bit different than what yours is).

I'm happy you enjoyed it, and thamks for the review!


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Review #18, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th October 2014:
Hi Bella! I really like this story, it's my new Lily fix :) It has great direction and a certain appeal that makes you want to keep reading.

That being said, there is a lot of telling, not showing in this, and for a first person narrative, not much emotion. Remember that instead of telling us what happened in a chronological sequence, it's a lot more interesting to only have the fun tidbits that are clouded by emotion. After all, all first person narrators are unreliable narrators!

But overall, I enjoyed this chappie a lot! Keep writing!

-Meena (for dat bronze)

Author's Response: Hi Meena!

It's always flattering that someone enjoys your story enough for it to be their fix for a certain character! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review.

I'm definitely going to keep writing - I'm doing this story for NaNo, so hopefully I'll have a few more chapters to post in December.


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Review #19, by milominderbinder Arithmancy (Jacob)

10th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for team blue again! Since I already read chapter one of this I thought it would be interesting to read the next chapter!

At first I didn't realise you had switched POV from Lily to Jacob, but it become obvious pretty quickly when he started talking about his old school! Haha. I think it was good that you switched to his POV because it removes the 'mysterious' air he had in the first chapter and instead lets us get to know him as a character. Seeing right into his mind is a great way to let the readers get to know him as a character.

Also, I really like him! I think you've got his characterisation spot on to make him seem very likable and sweet. I also liked how you portrayed his motivations - as in, he works hard at school and is prepared, but only because he wants a chance to play as much quidditch as he can! obviously him and Lily are going to bond over quidditch so it was nice hearing him talking about that!

It was nice that you gave them a bit of a relationship before quidditch started, though. Showing their bond through studying and bumping into each other a few times here will just give them more chemistry when the romantic sparks start flying, which I presume will happen through Quidditch! But it's nice that their whole bond won't be about quidditch, as it makes their relationship seem more rounded.

I also found it sweet that he wrote home to his parents! I think I said in my review of the first chapter that I didn't think many teenagers would sit down and write home a lot at school, so that really makes him stand out to me, and emphasises how nice he seems to be.

Also the end made me laugh. "Only 1500?" That's basically me, ahaha. Nobody understands that that's a normal length book for me! So I can definitely relate to Lily there... although I'm not athletic AND bookish. Just bookish. No athletics for me :P

Overall I think this was a really good chapter! It followed on really nicely from the first one and I liked your use of changing POVs. Well done!


Author's Response: Hi Maia! Did you know I've spent over a week trying to write this response? Apparently the writer's block I have for this story also extends to its reviews.

I thought it would be good to switch POVs every other chapter - people need to know who Jacob is. I personally have found that random guys coming up and taking an interest in me is creepy, so I needed to remove the 'random guy' part so people get to know who he is.

I'm glad you like Jacob. He was incredibly hard to write - apparently I don't understand teenage boys' brains - and all the time I spent trying to write that chapter is worth it if it comes across well. His personality was borrowed from a lot of people I know, including myself - he works hard so he can play Quidditch, I work hard so I can spend time on here.

The main purpose of the letter he wrote was to ask for the broom, but at least he added more stuff in, unlike some people. *cough* Lily *cough*

The section about the 1500 page book is directly from conversations I have with my friends ALL THE TIME, so it was relatively easy to write dialogue for it. Only one sport - ultimate Frisbee - for me. No others (can't play them with embarrassing myself.)

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #20, by milominderbinder Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

8th September 2014:
reviewing for team blue!

This was a good first chapter!

I like your characterisation of Lily. She seems funny and down to earth, which is nice to read and makes her quite relatable.

I laughed at how she says she's only written to her parents once, in second year - and then it was just to ask for them to send her a textbook! that's very realistic tbh, I can't imagine all these teenagers at Hogwarts sitting down to write a letter home every week explaining every little thing they've done. Lily's definitely a more realistic teenager!

I like Sagitta, too. She seems like a good friend for Lily. It's always interesting to see Wotter/Malfoy friendships in next gen fics, since it's so different to what we see in canon.

Interesting introduction of Lily's love interest, too! I like how she changed completely around him and felt awkward - again, a very realistic portrayal of a teenager, haha. I didn't talk in class for about a month when the girl I had a crush on was in it, because I knew I'd say something dumb XD I can definitely feel Lily's teenage crush and you portrayed it well!

Overall I think this is a good start to the story so well done!


Author's Response:

Hi Maia!

I thought that Harry and Ginny would raise kids uninflated by their parents' fame. I also thought that Harry's kids had to have a sense humour (look at all the amazing lines he had in the books.)

Teenagers don't tell their parents a lot, do they? I'm no exception - "How was your day?" "Fine." - and I think this generation as a whole doesn't communicate to adults any more than we (they?) have to. Also, at 15, Lily would start to grow up and yearn for that independence. Writing to mommy and daddy doesn't really provide that.

I'm glad you like Sagitta. I thought it would be ironic that they became friends through her Potions error, considering Draco really like Potions when he was at Hogwarts (mostly because of Snape, but still.)

I have first-hand experience with trying to not mess up a conversation with someone you have a crush on, so that part of the chapter was easy to write. It's all clear in my memory. Your heart gets faster, your tongue won't work properly, and you can't think straight. Trying not to look stupid in front of them is really hard, isn't it? The guy I like is in band with me, so I can hopefully get rid of the stupid reaction we both know so much about.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #21, by Infinityx Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

9th August 2014:
Review tag!

I absolutely love this first chapter. I always felt apprehensive about reading Next Gen fics but now that I'm working my way through my own, they interest me a lot. Anyway, I'm digressing. I love the way you've characterised Lily in this. One thing that's great about first person is that although it's a very narrow perspective, the voice used can reveal a lot about the character.

Here, Lily's character is different from what I've come across before. I really like how sassy she is in her thoughts, and is a smart, independent person, and not one who revels in her father's glory or gets followed around by multiple guys. She's a normal teenager and I'm really interested to see how her story will progress.

I also like how she's best friends with a Malfoy and the explanation of how they became friends. The tone used makes the story easy to read and the informal language makes it captivating and engrossing.

Great first chapter! I'm definitely going to read on. :)


Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like it :) I thought that Harry and Ginny would keep their kids down to Earth, and wouldn't let them get too pigheaded with their parents' fame.

Thanks for the review!

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