Reading Reviews for Seek and Chase
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Secret Santa!! In With the New (Jacob)

19th December 2014:
Hi there, Olivia!

Secret Santa is back!

While this chapter did not have as much drama or plot, it does have some fantastic Jacob/Lily interaction! I'm glad she feels like she can open up to him. I think the two of them are a bit closer than either of them realize. They both say they don't really know the other person, but there is a comfort level between the two of them that is obvious.

Lily isn't afraid to tell anyone anything - as evidenced by her row with Sagitta, but it seems that Jacob is willing to be frank with Lily about her treatment toward her best friend.

Haha - I love how you kept the chapter light with a bit of humor over Jacob's eating habits. He was trying so hard to impress her. :)

And what's this?? He wants to get to know her better and she smiles back! Yes! But oh, I'd hoped there would be a bit more after that. ASK HER TO HOGSMEADE, JACOB!!!

His Mom works at the department of Magical Sports and Games - so does James! Maybe they know each other. I'm also curious about Jacob's connection to the Malfoys. He said his aunt knows them and I'm wondering if there's more to that.

Again, you've done a great job with this!

~Secret Santa

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Review #2, by Secret Santa!! Out With the Old (Lily)

19th December 2014:
Hi there Olivia!

Here for another review :)

Wow. I did not see this coming. Holy cow. Lily and Sagitta seemed like such close friends - what the heck is going on??!

Although Sagitta makes some good points (I bet Stoddard really has had a rough time at school), I think she's overlooking some serious flaws in his personality. I think it is very telling how your boyfriend treats your best friend. She admitted that Stoddard is judging Lily because of her dad, but he also doesn't want to be judged based on his father. Sagitta is in a tough spot, and being a Malfoy, can relate to him. But she shouldn't alienate Lily because of her father (who was just doing his job and put those DESERVING criminals in Azkaban). Also, I don't think Sagitta has any right to tell Lily who she can and can't date - or to pass judgement on her relationship with Jacob (dating or otherwise). I'm starting to be irritated with Sagitta. You don't just drop your best friend for a guy.

Stress reading. I love it. How do you come up with this?

I loved how your portrayed the drama in this chapter it was totally unexpected and written so well - it kept me on the edge of my seat. I wanted to yell at my computer.

And - what was that at the end??? Maybe Lily does have feelings for Jacob! Oooo!

~Your Secret Santa

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Review #3, by Secret Santa!! Quidditch Tryouts (Jacob)

19th December 2014:

Another review from your secret santa - you must've been very good this year!

This story just keeps getting better and better with each chapter. You've given a clear voice to both main characters. As confident as Lily is, Jacob is equally unsure. He doesn't have her self assurance. He is at a new school, obviously, and he is still learning the ropes. I like that he isn't Mr. Macho or anything like that. And you did a nice job by showing this in his thoughts, speech and actions! :)

I thought you wrote the Quidditch tryout really well! J.K. (I think) said that writing the matches was the hardest part for her. This came off beautifully. I could follow the action and it was interesting to read as well.

And your writing style is so much fun! I love how you break the fourth wall time and again. It makes reading so much fun.

Crossing my fingers that Jacob makes the team!

~Your Secret Santa

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Review #4, by Secret Santa!! The Disadvantages of Being a Prefect (Lily)

19th December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here to leave another review on this story! I'm really falling in love with Lily here - I like her more and more every chapter. She is confident, but not overconfident - well not too much, anyway. She still has to try hard in classes and seems to care about her fellow Gryffindors.

Stoddard Lestrange. Wow. I'm impressed. Creating this character was genius. I'm really intrigued by him. I think he is a big bully and it seems that he has it out for Lily. Probably because of who her father is. On that note, his dad must be really, really old. Rabastan was around Lucius's age!

Stoddard seems a bit arrogant, but he must be a pretty clever wizard to best Jacob while he was keeping an eye on him.

I really like that you haven't thrown Lily and Jacob together right away (if that is even your plan) This is a much nicer pace for the story and they seem to get along, but you've managed to avoid all of that "ooo - does he like me, like me or just like me?" teenage drama.

Great story so far!

~Your Secret Santa

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Review #5, by Secret Santa!! Arithmancy (Jacob)

17th December 2014:
Hi there - Secret Santa here for the next chapter!

I really, really like that you chose to write this with different points of view. It makes me feel closer to the characters.

Although not a lot of plot happened in this chapter, I don't think that undermines its importance. We needed to learn a little more about Jacob and his thoughts and feelings. I also feel like we got to see more of Lily here as well.

You are pacing their friendship (maybe more at some point) nicely. They aren't instantly in love with each other, but are finding common interests and activities - such as Quidditch and Prefect duties. They also both seem to be very sensible and kind.

I chuckled at Lily's impatience with the Quidditch tryouts. I can't help but see a bit of myself in her. I wanted to say "Hey buddy, if you really wanted to play Quidditch, you should've made sure you knew when try-outs were!"

And Lily is a reader! And not ashamed in the least. I think I love her even more! ♥

Nice job with the story so far!

~Secret Santa

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Review #6, by Secret Santa!! Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

17th December 2014:

Your Secret Santa here to leave you a review on your novel!

I really like the voice you've created for Lily here. She is confident and bold - as most Gryffindors usually are. She seems very comfortable with herself and I thoroughly enjoyed that. It is refreshing to read a main character that isn't emotionally distraught or full of angst. However, you've provided enough of a story line to give us a bit to think about. Jacob Walker seems like he'll be an interesting character to throw a bit of a curve into Lily's life. I'm not sure I completely believe her that she's cooled off from her initial attraction of him...

I also really enjoyed how Lily seems to have a conversation with the reader. It drew me in and made me feel part of the story.

You put in just enough detail and small points to keep me wanting more. Who is this new professor? Why did Sagitta (LOVE the name, by the way) think that Jacob had been in their classes prior to this year? Very interesting!

Great first chapter!

~ Your Secret Santa

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Review #7, by Infinityx Arithmancy (Jacob)

16th December 2014:
Hi, here for the BvB!

It's been a while since I read the first chapter of this and I'd meant to get back to this sooner. I've finally got the chance to amidst all my work.

This was a really nice second chapter. It's certainly set a base for Jacob's character and all the small details have added to understanding his personality.

I like how you've brought in simple events like Arithmancy class and homework. They are things that a lot of people overlook as important in a plot but they add a lot more to making a story whole and not just the major events that keep it going.

I loved his interaction with Lily. It's a realistic conversation, easy to relate to and it's basically a common way in which friendships are formed. Great job with that!

I'm excited to see how Quidditch tryouts and the rest of the story will play out, especially his relationship with Lily.

I didn't notice any mistakes here and the chapter flowed easily. Great job! I'll be back soon! :)

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Review #8, by maraudertimes Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th December 2014:
Ohmigoodness I completely forgot to redo this, I'd written a review late at night and it crashed on me so I saved this chapter so I could review it later and I never got back to it - I AM SO SORRY!!!

Okay, so this chapter was really cool. You introduced your characters, you introduced Jacob *wiggles eyebrows while giving knowing look*, you didn't really introduce a problem (unless Jacob is, in that case you did) and you made me laugh (but really, I would kick my trunk down some stairs too if I had to do that!).

Lily seems quite down-to-earth, if somewhat strange. She seems very headstrong to me, contrasting against the typical bookworms, but it's fresh and new and I haven't really read any characters like her, so I like it. Her relationship with Sagitta (cool name by the way) is really funny, again strange, but the dynamic between the two is really good and I thought their dialogue was well done.

I wonder where the other prefects are? I guess perhaps that's part of your introduction to the problem! :P

I wouldn't consider Jacob a dark wizard quite yet, although for Lily to think so just because she fancies him is a little bit funny, but the whole Canada thing is a bit strange (well, not Canada - go poutine, beavertails, and me!), but I'd be interested in hearing about his past, especially his schooling and experiences there and how they matched up with the ones he'll experience at Hogwarts.

Aaah! McGonagall! I see her as the Headmaster too during those times! :) She is amazing and although she isn't as... eloquent (?) as an older McGonagall seems to me, that is totally my interpretation and your version of her is quite good as well! :)

Great job!
Lo :)

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Review #9, by ssslytherinnn Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

4th December 2014:
Hi Bella!

First off, I wanted to say how much I love the way you portray Lily. I am a sucker for characters like this; bookish, aloof, sure of themselves, no time for nonsense or distractions. I think she is very strong... though I would have liked to have seen more emotion come from her, there was a lot of her telling about what was happening but not particularly showing the readers. Sprinkling in a bit of inner monologue or descriptive feelings/words can really help the reader see what you are envisioning in your mind.

I really liked Sagitta as well, she seems to get Lily and of course there must be a reason why Lily chose to be her friend above others. So I am excited to learn more about her as a character!

Good start!

Love and Magic,

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Review #10, by sleepingdragons Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

17th October 2014:
Hey, here from the review thread :)
I really enjoyed this first chapter! I think the way you've characterised the next gen characters, especially Lily, is really good. I really liked Lily - the fact that she's a bit no nonsense, and a bookworm. And Jacob Walker... well he sounds pretty dreamy haha! I'm interested to see where that'll lead...
- sleepingdragons xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Lily is definitely a no-nonsense type of person. Jacob Walker to me I don't see as dreamy (but then again he's my OC, and my view of him is a bit different than what yours is).

I'm happy you enjoyed it, and thamks for the review!


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Review #11, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th October 2014:
Hi Bella! I really like this story, it's my new Lily fix :) It has great direction and a certain appeal that makes you want to keep reading.

That being said, there is a lot of telling, not showing in this, and for a first person narrative, not much emotion. Remember that instead of telling us what happened in a chronological sequence, it's a lot more interesting to only have the fun tidbits that are clouded by emotion. After all, all first person narrators are unreliable narrators!

But overall, I enjoyed this chappie a lot! Keep writing!

-Meena (for dat bronze)

Author's Response: Hi Meena!

It's always flattering that someone enjoys your story enough for it to be their fix for a certain character! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review.

I'm definitely going to keep writing - I'm doing this story for NaNo, so hopefully I'll have a few more chapters to post in December.


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Review #12, by milominderbinder Arithmancy (Jacob)

10th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for team blue again! Since I already read chapter one of this I thought it would be interesting to read the next chapter!

At first I didn't realise you had switched POV from Lily to Jacob, but it become obvious pretty quickly when he started talking about his old school! Haha. I think it was good that you switched to his POV because it removes the 'mysterious' air he had in the first chapter and instead lets us get to know him as a character. Seeing right into his mind is a great way to let the readers get to know him as a character.

Also, I really like him! I think you've got his characterisation spot on to make him seem very likable and sweet. I also liked how you portrayed his motivations - as in, he works hard at school and is prepared, but only because he wants a chance to play as much quidditch as he can! obviously him and Lily are going to bond over quidditch so it was nice hearing him talking about that!

It was nice that you gave them a bit of a relationship before quidditch started, though. Showing their bond through studying and bumping into each other a few times here will just give them more chemistry when the romantic sparks start flying, which I presume will happen through Quidditch! But it's nice that their whole bond won't be about quidditch, as it makes their relationship seem more rounded.

I also found it sweet that he wrote home to his parents! I think I said in my review of the first chapter that I didn't think many teenagers would sit down and write home a lot at school, so that really makes him stand out to me, and emphasises how nice he seems to be.

Also the end made me laugh. "Only 1500?" That's basically me, ahaha. Nobody understands that that's a normal length book for me! So I can definitely relate to Lily there... although I'm not athletic AND bookish. Just bookish. No athletics for me :P

Overall I think this was a really good chapter! It followed on really nicely from the first one and I liked your use of changing POVs. Well done!


Author's Response: Hi Maia! Did you know I've spent over a week trying to write this response? Apparently the writer's block I have for this story also extends to its reviews.

I thought it would be good to switch POVs every other chapter - people need to know who Jacob is. I personally have found that random guys coming up and taking an interest in me is creepy, so I needed to remove the 'random guy' part so people get to know who he is.

I'm glad you like Jacob. He was incredibly hard to write - apparently I don't understand teenage boys' brains - and all the time I spent trying to write that chapter is worth it if it comes across well. His personality was borrowed from a lot of people I know, including myself - he works hard so he can play Quidditch, I work hard so I can spend time on here.

The main purpose of the letter he wrote was to ask for the broom, but at least he added more stuff in, unlike some people. *cough* Lily *cough*

The section about the 1500 page book is directly from conversations I have with my friends ALL THE TIME, so it was relatively easy to write dialogue for it. Only one sport - ultimate Frisbee - for me. No others (can't play them with embarrassing myself.)

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #13, by milominderbinder Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

8th September 2014:
reviewing for team blue!

This was a good first chapter!

I like your characterisation of Lily. She seems funny and down to earth, which is nice to read and makes her quite relatable.

I laughed at how she says she's only written to her parents once, in second year - and then it was just to ask for them to send her a textbook! that's very realistic tbh, I can't imagine all these teenagers at Hogwarts sitting down to write a letter home every week explaining every little thing they've done. Lily's definitely a more realistic teenager!

I like Sagitta, too. She seems like a good friend for Lily. It's always interesting to see Wotter/Malfoy friendships in next gen fics, since it's so different to what we see in canon.

Interesting introduction of Lily's love interest, too! I like how she changed completely around him and felt awkward - again, a very realistic portrayal of a teenager, haha. I didn't talk in class for about a month when the girl I had a crush on was in it, because I knew I'd say something dumb XD I can definitely feel Lily's teenage crush and you portrayed it well!

Overall I think this is a good start to the story so well done!


Author's Response:

Hi Maia!

I thought that Harry and Ginny would raise kids uninflated by their parents' fame. I also thought that Harry's kids had to have a sense humour (look at all the amazing lines he had in the books.)

Teenagers don't tell their parents a lot, do they? I'm no exception - "How was your day?" "Fine." - and I think this generation as a whole doesn't communicate to adults any more than we (they?) have to. Also, at 15, Lily would start to grow up and yearn for that independence. Writing to mommy and daddy doesn't really provide that.

I'm glad you like Sagitta. I thought it would be ironic that they became friends through her Potions error, considering Draco really like Potions when he was at Hogwarts (mostly because of Snape, but still.)

I have first-hand experience with trying to not mess up a conversation with someone you have a crush on, so that part of the chapter was easy to write. It's all clear in my memory. Your heart gets faster, your tongue won't work properly, and you can't think straight. Trying not to look stupid in front of them is really hard, isn't it? The guy I like is in band with me, so I can hopefully get rid of the stupid reaction we both know so much about.

Thanks for the lovely review!


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Review #14, by Infinityx Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

9th August 2014:
Review tag!

I absolutely love this first chapter. I always felt apprehensive about reading Next Gen fics but now that I'm working my way through my own, they interest me a lot. Anyway, I'm digressing. I love the way you've characterised Lily in this. One thing that's great about first person is that although it's a very narrow perspective, the voice used can reveal a lot about the character.

Here, Lily's character is different from what I've come across before. I really like how sassy she is in her thoughts, and is a smart, independent person, and not one who revels in her father's glory or gets followed around by multiple guys. She's a normal teenager and I'm really interested to see how her story will progress.

I also like how she's best friends with a Malfoy and the explanation of how they became friends. The tone used makes the story easy to read and the informal language makes it captivating and engrossing.

Great first chapter! I'm definitely going to read on. :)


Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like it :) I thought that Harry and Ginny would keep their kids down to Earth, and wouldn't let them get too pigheaded with their parents' fame.

Thanks for the review!

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