Reading Reviews for Seek and Chase
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 Interlude the Second

11th August 2015:
Hiya Olivia,

I'm here for the final posted chapter of Seek and Chase (as least thus far) to leave a review for the BvB review fest from the common room.

I love the fact that you've put interludes into this story. It does a nice job of breaking up the different sections of the novel. And this is definitely a change up - as the two main characters are now a couple, we can move on to the next phase in their romance AND there is clearly a new section starting up with the mystery part of the story as well.

Woah. I did not see that coming. Alexandra is DEAD?!

Wait - but they didn't find her body and she had a wand. Maybe she was stunned and fell and then caught herself with a charm right before she hit the ground? I'm not sure, but she seems like the kind of villain that would be pretty hard to kill - hee hee.

But what a great twist to the story. Gosh, I hope that other auror is alright as well - it doesn't look good for him.

Please update soon!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #2, by Veritaserum27 Common Knowledge (Jacob)

11th August 2015:
Hello Olivia,

I'm here to read and review all of the posted chapters of Seek and Chase as part of the BvB Review fest!

Oh, boy - this chapter did not disappoint! YES! FINALLY - they are together - I'm so happy right now! And the way it happened was so cute.

What I love, and I mean really love about your writing is the element of realism you weave into your characters and their story lines. Jacob and Lily are completely down-to-earth teenagers. They have really common problems that most teenagers have, and they react appropriately (and believably) to those issues. Lily isn't overly dramatic and Jacob isn't a super-macho hero - but at the same time, they are completely lovable. Oh, and there is the fact that and ultra-evil witch from their parents' past is hunting them down... yeah... there's always that - haha!

I really like Jacob's story about Canada (I mean the story was sad, but I like that you included it in the story). Again, you've made him such a believable teenager. Stuff like that happens every day and the fact that Jacob was willing to share this completely humiliating story with Lily tells so much about how much he respects and cares for her and their relationship. He doesn't want any secrets between them. Lily recognizes the reason he's been reluctant to make a serious move is because of this and she is so sweet. Gah - the feels!

I also like how the pair handles the party. Not every teenager thinks it's an awesome idea to get completely drunk at every opportunity. This doesn't make Jacob or Lily weird - and they still go to the party, but they leave on their own terms. Great job.

On to the next chapter!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #3, by Veritaserum27 The Attack at the Ministry (Lily)

11th August 2015:
Hello Olivia!

I'm here to read some more of this awesome story -and it's going to be for the new BvB review fest this time - woot!

Wow - this chapter was quite action packed - you did a great job with the battle scenes, both with conveying Lily's reaction to things and getting the curse and counter curses just right. It's tricky to write that kind of action - especially when there are so many characters involved.

I just knew that Lily wasn't going to go home - there was no way she would be leaving the ministry when Alexandra was there. I was so worried when they were in the broom closet, because there is no escape, but I guess it turned out alright. Lily is an awesome character - I love that she isn't afraid of anything and is ready to fight for what's right. Just like you said, like father, like daughter.

I did catch a few typos in this chapter. There was one here:

Jet of light whizzed around our heads, green and red both, from people fighting.

I think it should be "Jets of light..."

and here:

Now, you two need to leave with everyone else and fight somewhere safe to go.

This is when Harry is giving orders to Lily - I think you meant to say "find somewhere safe to go..."

there was also this one:

It was something Alexandra told Jacob before we knocked her out. She said that she was actually his uncle and she wasn't adopted.

Alexandra would be Jacob's aunt not his uncle. Unless that wasn't a mistake and you just gave us another clue?!

And Alexandra is REALLY his aunt - not adopted. That's interesting... and I'm wondering if his parents are keeping anything else from him.

I guess I'll just have to keep reading to find out!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #4, by madness The Attack at the Ministry (Lily)

30th June 2015:
Loving it, as usual :)

Author's Response: Glad you loved it :)


 Report Review

Review #5, by Veritaserum27 New Year's (Jacob)

11th June 2015:
Hi there, Olivia!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015 Review

WHAT?! How could you do this to me? I saw your A/N that updates would be coming sooner and I HOPE SO! I need to know if Lily and Jacob are okay! I knew something was going to happen. And what is going on with Jacob's house? Why didn't his parents just come clean with him about it? I don't think he wouldn't taken it too badly - other than the fact that his Mom was nearly a part of that attack. This story is getting so good and I'm just worried about what is going to happen next. Again - great job with the interaction between these two awesome characters. I was so excited that they finally kissed - and then you left us with that cliffhanger. Gah!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #6, by Tonks1247 Arithmancy (Jacob)

11th June 2015:
Back for another chapter! And I will admit, it took me re-reading the first couple of paragraphs before I realized the POV switched. I know it had Jacob’s name in the title, but I’m apparently unobservant today…

Anyways. This chapter was just as good as the last! I love that there is an opportunity to learn more about Jacob’s character by having chapters done in his POV! He doesn’t seem quite so fishy as he did in the previous chapter, although many of the same questions still exist….

His character is quite fascinating. I enjoy reading how he and Lily interact, and how he’s determined they are nothing more than friends because they haven’t known each other long. Also love how he tells Lily she’s done her equation wrong just as she tells him his is wrong. It’s an interesting dynamic and I like how Lily goes off about how she can be athletic and smart.

Their interest in Quidditch does give me a moment to feel ridiculous. Because the story is called Seek and Chase and ones a Seeker while the other is a Chaser and I’m feeling a bit slow. I caught on.

Anyways. On topic. This was another great chapter! Can’t wait to get in further and see how this whole thing develops! So far so good!

-Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015-

 Report Review

Review #7, by Veritaserum27 Christmas Cheer Should Be Near (Lily)

11th June 2015:
Hey there, Olivia!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015 Review

Aww, cute scene on the train! I want MORE Lily/Jacob (and I refuse to call them Lacob), but haha at your ship discussion last chapter :) Your story does a fantastic job moving this couple at a realistic pace. They aren't throwing themselves at each other in the second chapter and the way you've made both of them very deliberate in their interactions, convinces the reader that they both really care about each other. It just makes me want them to be together MORE!! Yay! The Potters live at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. I love it. And I really love the parallels between your story and OotP, where Harry and his crew used extendable ears to hear what was really going on as well. Lily is right - there is definitely more going on than the adults are letting on. I've gotta know more!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #8, by Veritaserum27 A Useless Feeling (Jacob)

11th June 2015:
Hi there Olivia!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015 Review here!

The Prefect's Bathroom scene was really sweet and cute. I thought you handled it well. Lily is not the kind of person who can openly discuss her feelings with others, but I really enjoy reading the dynamic you have between her and Jacob. He does an amazing job of picking up on her emotions, and simply "being there" for her. She seems to be able to calm herself down just by being near him. I think he wants to do a bit more than that, but, typical teenage boy, he's playing it safe for the time being. And hmmm... is this a bit of foreshadowing? I'm wondering if this crew is going to heed the warnings of their professors and stay away from an "active" role, or if they are gonna take matters into their own hands. I guess I'll have to read the next chapter to find out!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #9, by Veritaserum27 There at St Mungo's (Lily)

11th June 2015:
Hi there Olivia!

Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

I'm so excited I get to use the House Cup as an excuse to finish up this awesome story! What?! How did Jacob know something was going to happen? I really don't want to be suspicious of him, but I feel like Lily might be a little worried about it as well. I thought you did a good job of describing her feelings throughout this chapter. She was so, so worried for James (me too!) and then when she saw he was alright, but the damage might ruin his hopes of being a Quidditch referee - she knew she had to get out of there. I also liked that you made her panic a little when confronted by Alexandra. Good point - that Lily is a really young witch and not nearly as skilled as an adult. Also, as she pointed out, her life has been fairly well protected. Harry and his crew were sort of forced into learning to fight at a young age. But the next-gen kids don't have that sort of experience. I'm also worried that more is going on - and that maybe Jacob or his family haven't revealed the whole truth to anyone. How could Alexandra look like Jacob if she were adopted? That's a stumper. Off to the next chapter!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #10, by Tonks1247 Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th June 2015:

I’ve been around the forums for a while (now that school doesn’t own me for a couple months…) and I have heard a lot of good things about this story. I figured why not give it a shot, with having reviews to write and such?

I really enjoyed this first chapter! I feel you did an excellent job at introducing Lily’s character and she is honestly a lot different than what I envisioned in my head. I think it’s great though, because the image you painted of her was definitely something I could see as well. You included a lot of little details—like that potion and her hair—that really helped develop her character and gave me a sense of knowing.

You also introduced her character in relation to others, which was great as well! Sagitta is definitely someone who I can understand entirely.

“After that, she followed me around for a week apologizing and I eventually got sick of it, so of course then we became friends.”

I laugh at the fact that something went wrong and then they became friends because Sagitta wouldn’t leave her alone. It may be related to the fact that my best friend of 12 years is someone who I was NOT fond of when we first met and she continually followed me and bothered me until we became friends and now here we are, still putting up with each other…

I am also quite interested in learning more about Jacob Walker. Weird that Sagitta talks like he’s been there for years with him when he was actually in Canada. Really want to know what’s going on with that whole situation there. Makes me wonder where that’ll lead and how Sagitta knows Jacob and overall what’s to come? Obviously something if Lily is dreaming about him….

There was one thing I noticed:

“Whenever I was surprised, like I just was, I tended to turn into this I watched as he easily hefted the trunk down the stairs.” I think this is two sentences that didn’t quite get separated? I think only a period is needed after this, but then again, I’m not sure. Something to look at.

This was a really interesting chapter and cannot wait to continue on and read some more!

-Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015-

 Report Review

Review #11, by Veritaserum27 A Sudden Shock (Jacob)

3rd June 2015:

Hello! I'm here for the BvB.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?! I canNOT with this chapter. I'm just... I can't... I did NOT SEE THAT COMING!

Okay, okay... I'm calm - sort of. I can do this.

So the beginning was really intense and I was sorta confused as to where they were and how they got there and then I thought finally! He's gonna go through with this and then Alexandra showed up and Jacob was trying to fight and protect Lily and then it was a dream!!

And I really like how Lily and Jacob can pick up on each others' emotions. It shows a deeper understanding and a much closer relationship - even closer than they both realize. Lily picked up on this immediately and she eased his stress with her warm smile.

The talk with Declan was good. Jacob needed to have someone else point out the fact that he and Lily are obviously into each other. And I really like Declan's character. No crap - just lays it all out there.

And then we're back to the sweet awkwardness between them. And I'm SO, SO, SO happy you let him actually get to asking her out before you dropped that bomb on us.

No, no, NO! Not James. Ugh! I think this might really shake Lily up. Even though she is pretty tough, I'm worried that an attack on her family will affect her more deeply.

Awesome chapter!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #12, by Claire Evergreen Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

3rd May 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle.

For as much Next Gen as I've read, I can honestly say that I've only ever read maybe one or two other fics with Lily as a main character, so I'm really excited for this!

I never really thought about Lily much until I started writing a fic with her, but I really love your characterization of her. She comes across as a real person and not just a collection of similar traits. The crossover between Quidditch and academics with her is perfect. I know that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but they tend to be in fics, so to see Lily excel in both is wonderful. Her complete indifference to prefect duties is also really interesting, so I'm definitely interested in the reason she received the badge and not someone else.

Normally, I'm a stickler for canon, but I'm really excited to get to know the other Malfoy children that you've mentioned here. Sagitta sounds really interesting and from what we've seen, she compliments Lily really well. I really like Amanda as well, but that may just be because I'm partial to anyone related to Lee :P

Jacob definitely is the most interesting character here, though. I'm intrigued as to why Sagitta would say that he's been in classes with them for the past four years when he hasn't, as well as what is going to happen between him and Lily (because come on, we all know that it's going to happen at one point or another...she says hopefully). I can definitely relate to Lily here, but if he's as attractive and nice as he seems, I would not blame her one bit for hooking up with him.

This is absolutely fantastic! I'm definitely stopping by for more when I have time.


 Report Review

Review #13, by Veritaserum27 The Guessing Game (Lily)

2nd May 2015:
Hi Olivia!

I'm here for the BvB!

I love this story so much and I realized that I read this chapter, but never reviewed it! Oops - so sorry! I smile all the time when I'm reading this. I just love the voice you've given to Lily :)

Parvati Bones - LOVE it. You are a genius. With just one simple name, you've given me sooo much to think about! Did Parvati marry Susan? One of her siblings? And of course Parvati would find it infinitely interesting to write a story about Aurors - and of course she wouldn't feel the need to get her facts straight - heehee! I'm going to beg you to write Parvati's story now...

No - no - NO! I thought that at least one of them would've summoned up the courage to say they liked each other! Geez - let's get a move on, people!

Corvus Malfoy? I'm interested...

Really cute scene with the girl talk. You wrote it so well - just like the rest of this story. And yay! The girls know who she likes. Although I'm wondering if this could be trouble for Lily - she seems to trust them.

I'll be back for more.

Great chapter!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #14, by crestwood Arithmancy (Jacob)

20th March 2015:
Hi Olivia! Getting back to this story because I really enjoyed the first chapter.

Jacob's point of view is awesome in my opinion. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed his inner thoughts. Spending the summer sleeping does make the transition back kind of jarring. I actually can relate to starting school late--I never have class until eleven in the morning these days. That's a perk of college though, choosing your own course times. Can't imagine going back to early classes.

I love it when people actually have students doing schoolwork at Hogwarts. It's probably because I'm a nerd, but I rather like that you explained the assignment and had them do it, even more so because it's Arithmancy!! I am obsessed with the less mentioned courses at Hogwarts and want to know everything about them.

I'm with Jacob. Bank Teller is not a job that I would be satisfied with, even temporarily. It was clever to use this assignment as a plot device to get Jacob to realize Lily's love of Quidditch. I thought that Jacob would end up being the other prefect. The fact that he was new made me assume that just hadn't been sorted out yet. I'm excited that he and Lily will have a whole new reason to get close to one another now that they'll have duties together.

Hugo is in his dorm with him! I hope he shows up at some point. I'm slightly obsessed with Hugo, in all shapes and forms. Also, that fact that so many characters in this story seem to be gigantic nerds is amazing. There is practically nothing I enjoy more than an exceptionally nerdy story with exceptionally nerdy characters. I like that Jacob worries about things like falling down the stairs and embarrassing himself in front of first years. That makes him a little more relatable, to me at least. You've done a great job of bringing him to life in this chapter. I feel like I know him now that I've read this. I'm really excited to see where this story heads, going forward. I'll certainly be back! Thank you for the swap :)

 Report Review

Review #15, by crestwood Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

5th March 2015:
Hi Olivia!

I just had to choose your Next-Gen story! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think I've ever reviewed one of your stories before?? Although, this was on my reading list, so clearly I've been by before. Really glad I'm finally getting a chance to read it!

I know a lot of people hate OC Malfoy children, but I don't really see what the commotion is about. Also, I think I'm going to like Lily because she's not thrilled about Prefect duties and hopefully that means she's an apathetic type. She seems like a wonderfully strong personality so far.

I like the really direct narrative style. I'm digging that you set up so much background in this first chapter. I do like to be given some sort of foundation to work off of. (ie. knowing how people met and things like that) It might not make or break the plot, but there's nothing wrong with adding in a few details.

Sagitta and Lily have really great banter. They're very different from one another, but that can be a great foundation for a friendship if done correctly. I appreciate that Lily is kind of antisocial. I like to read about people who are a tad less charismatic occasionally between all of the Quidittch stars and playboys.

It almost feels mysterious that this guy would know Sagitta and apparently have gone to her school this entire time and she's never heard of him even once. And now he's saying that he didn't attend Hogwarts last year. Hm, either someone's lying, mistaken or there's something weird going on. And he's taking the same electives as her. It's almost like he's a spy or something?? Or a stalker? Everything about him is just strange. Although, he does seem nice. The circumstances around his appearance are just suspicious. I suppose I'll have to wait and see if I'm making this all up in my head.

I like the comments about first years getting smaller every year because people say that so often in real life! haha. I always like when people use canon surnames during the Next Gen. It helps to visualise OCs, even if they only get a quick mention, because we know who one of their parents are, at least. I think it's interesting that Lily isn't sure how she made prefect. Maybe a conspiracy??

McGonagall is literally making jokes for Lily's dad's generation hahaha. I wonder if some of the teachers went to Hogwarts with Harry.

I think it makes so much sense to have the first years go first and everyone else wait. That probably should have been the policy all along.

Now I'm more suspicious. The other prefects are all gone??

'He could be a Dark Wizard' I HOPE NOT! (that'd be a twist that I wouldn't expect :P) I don't think he's evil, but I still think something weird is going on. I really like it though because a mysterious subplot would be awesome. This was a really good first chapter and I think I'm going to like this story even if there is no mystery. Lily's voice is so strong and unique! I'll have to stop back sometime to continue :)

Thank you for the swap! Sorry for taking a while :P

 Report Review

Review #16, by Veritaserum27 Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin (Jacob)

19th February 2015:
Yay! New chapter, new chapter, new chapter!

Hi there Olivia, here for the BvB!

I think you write Jacob's POV really well and I might've said it before, but there is definitely a distinct personality between Lily and Jacob. While they are both always guessing what the other is thinking, they do it in different ways. Jacob flat-out admits that he is clueless and he's not as good at hiding it as Lily is :)

The defense lessons seem to be getting a bit more serious and I really felt bad for Jacob, here. Of course Scorpius is better than he is, he's two years older and more experienced. I like that Jacob is honest with himself that he was simply spending too much time staring at Lily to focus on blocking the spells.

I also really liked Declan in this chapter. He's cool and collected. I think he sat between Lily and Jacob so that they wouldn't get distracted during the Quidditch game. I face palmed when Jacob asked Lily if she wanted him to come with her to the bathroom. Oh, Jacob! Don't you know Lily at ALL?! She's definitely never going to ask anyone to help her - certainly not to the bathroom! Then I laughed out loud at Declan's remark. "You could just say you had to go, too..."

I love how you put little details in here and there - especially about Lily's hair. Jacob is clearly enamored with it, but you don't outright say that, you show us with his thought about how it looks or what he feels when he sees it. Great job.

So glad to see you've updated! I can't wait to read more!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #17, by oldershouldknowbetter Arithmancy (Jacob)

7th February 2015:
Hello there, back for more BvB action.

So now we switch to Jacob and get to see things from his point of view for a while.

Your introduction to his personallity is good. We get the impression of a faily normal guy, smart yes but still adjusting to this new environment. At first it's what's new to him in terms of the academic side of things. Him being a seeker puts the whole title of the story into perspective. And if I remember correctly from last chapter isn't the Gryffindor team down one Seeker?

I like the detail you provide as to what Arithmancy is about (or at least a little portion of it). It makes sense and is similar to some of the 'number magic' I've seen outside the realms of Harry Potter fictions. He gets it wrong though, as Lily is conveniently close to hand to point out. He cannot work it out or to find the mistake that she so obviously finds. she's not perfect either as he finds a mistake in hers.

She reveals Quidditch as her profession of destiny and it rouses interest in Jacob. I find it very hard to believe that he didn't know that they played Quidditch at the school - he's been there for a month hasn't he? Apparently Lily finds it just as hard to believe, there were notices on the notice board for heaven's sake! And prefect too, but only just awarded.

He writes home, that's a dutiful son, but it's to get his broom posted to him, that's less dutiful.

He sees Lily again reading a gigantic book. She gets a bit pricklish and defensive about her love of books and has to defend her ability to love both books and sport. Me thinks she is a bit too defensive around him, considering what we know about her dreams from the last chapter.

Jacob reveals her feelings for Lily, so far they are only friendly ones. A nice friendship that has developed as it would between two students of the same House with similar proclivities. I don't know if Jacob wishes for anything more either - I think for the moment he is more focused upon the possibility that he soon might be playing Quidditch once more.

 Report Review

Review #18, by oldershouldknowbetter Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

5th February 2015:
Hi there,

Here for a bit of BvB action as I cheated you out of a review because I wasn't quick enough in reviewing and getting the notification into the BvB thread.

So here is a bonus one.

I like your lily almost right from the start.

So you have other Malfoy siblings, I'm not as adverse to them as some other's might be. Yes we only meet one on the platform in the books, but that doesn't preclude more to come.

The tiny little pieces you drop here and there really illuminate everyone's characters well and with such an economy of phrase too.

Quote: [about Lily's prefect status] "... I had been stuck with. Mum had been overjoyed, and Albus had given me an enthusiastic high five, telling me that we could patrol together. Yeah right."

Each sentence speaks volumes about it's subject and we get a clear impression of Ginny, Albus and even Lily herself.

She is a Gryffindor and Malfoy is a Slytherin (so everything is right with the world :) ) and yet they are still the best of friends. I see you are going to go down that common route a lot of Next-Gen stories do of having the various Houses not so vindictive towards one another.

Oh how wonderful, there is a bit of Rose/Scorpius sneaking out from the background. I'm glad because, of course, I believe that Rose/Scorpius is the ONE TRUE PARING.

Lily is not only boyfriendless, but she imagines herself to be unattractive to the opposite sex: "No boy would ever take a second look at me". She takes an immediate liking to Jacob though, well at least his physical appearance. There is a bit of confusion in my mind about the differences between
Sagitta's comments and what Jacob has to say about himself. the confusion is apparent to Lily as well because she questions him on it too. He just brushes the query off with a glib response, but I think there might be more there - we shall see.

The changing of the rules about the trunks - does this imply something about the state of the Hogwarts domestic help situation, i.e. the House-elves? Again, we shall see.

Lilly doing her prefect duties is good and a nice bit of fun with her character. Yes she is helpful enough to the first years - pointing things out to them that she wished she'd been told. But she is singularly unhelpful when it comes to liaising with others and being an active part of the House hierarchy. Lily's prefect duties are going to be so much fun for her, I don't think.

We see Jacob again and Lily's initial attraction has dimmed somewhat due to actually conversing with and being around him. Or is it not that, is it even just her perverseness. I have a sinking feeling though that it may be her lack of self esteem - she doesn't think that she is attractive, so any boy she likes must necessarily not find her attractive so she preemptively dismisses him in her mind. That saying, she does have a strangely provocative dream ...

Lily likes to read and likes to read text books at that. She is anti-social and takes after her aunt Hermione. The Lily you are writing sounds a lot like the character of the Rose that I like to read about. I think I'll stay and read some more.

 Report Review

Review #19, by horcruxxx Quidditch Tryouts (Jacob)

5th February 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the Blue vs Bronze Review Battle :)

I'm reviewing Chapter 4, because after reading Chapter 1, and Chapter 2, and Chapter 3 I wanted to read more and more :) Your story is really addicting!

I read some great stories with OC being one of the main characters, but you did an amazing job introducing Jacob. After reading 4 Chapters I feel like I know him very well and can easily relate to him. So great job!

I also like the plot line, it's very smooth, optimistic, it's just nice to read not to worrying about drama every other paragraph (for now of course, but I do intend to read further to find out what happens next).

The only CC I have is that sometimes it's hard for me to imagine where events take place. I like to picture everything when I'm reading and I just wish there was a little more description of the place a certain scene takes place :)


 Report Review

Review #20, by Ravenclaw333 Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

4th February 2015:
Hiya! Here for the BvB!

This is a really good first chapter. You've done a good job setting the scene here - establishing Lily's character, her friendships, and the romantic tension with Jacob. Her voice is really clear and authentic, and you've set everything up to be reflective of the teenage experience. I like what you've done with Lily's character as well - she stands out immediately from the other interpretations I've seen of her on the site, and it puts a unique spin on the whole story - down to the brown hair (the Potions accident was a nice touch!) and how she's a lot more academically minded than most people write her. I'm interested in Jacob's backstory as well - other wizarding schools are fascinating, and I'd love to hear more about Snowvale!

Overall, this is a really good start to what promises to be a unique take on the Lily/OC ship and a really fun read! Good job!

 Report Review

Review #21, by eunoia Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

2nd February 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the BvB thread!

This is quite an interesting first chapter. I like your characterization of Lily, she's bold and funny and I reckon she's going to get into some interesting situations throughout the course of your story.

I also found it humorous that Sagitta is continuing the Black's naming tradition of being named after constellations. Nice attention to detail by the way.

Jacob seems interesting? He's a bit of mystery at the moment isn't he? I wonder how Sagitta knew him despite the fact he went to school in Canada? And despite what Lily claims I don't think she's completely cooled off on him yet if her dreams are anything to judge by. ;) Is he the next dark wizard? Somehow I doubt it but it who knows?

Anyways, great opening chapter, looking forward to reading more! :)

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad you like Lily. She's so much fun to write.

I couldn't NOT name a Malfoy after a constellation. Because who needs normal names?

Jacob is a bit of a mystery at the moment. Why Sagitta knows him is also a mystery. Lily hasn't quite cooled off on him yet, so fortunately he's not the next dark wizard.

Thanks for the review!


 Report Review

Review #22, by Veritaserum27 Double Dosage of Defence (Lily)

31st January 2015:
Hi there Olivia!

Review Tag!

Gosh it feels good to be able to review this under my real name, rather than "Secret Santa!"

Another great chapter here. You've managed to move the Lily/Jacob love story along and include a little bit of plot. Although this chapter is mostly about Lily and Jacob, I didn't mind the flirting one bit. I thought you captured the teenage back and forth flirting very nicely here, while still maintaining Lily's spirit and character. I love her. Have I mentioned that? I do hope they can come together and finally finish this little dance they are doing right now.

I thought it was funny that none of the kids considered Neville a legitimate teacher. He's so soft spoken, I can see where they would easily forget his role in the second Wizarding World. I was glad to see he was quick to remind them - and mention the fact that he was an Auror as well.

Haha - Hugo is completely clueless - and Lily and Rose both know it.

"Happy couple cursing time" I remember your tweet and laughed out loud at this line! You've managed to make Rose and Scorpius a completely lovable and adorable couple in so few words - it is astounding :)

Oh no - too bad Lily was so tired. I was looking forward to some more Lily/Jacob interaction!

Awesome chapter, I can't wait to see what happens next!

♥ Rose

Author's Response: Hi Beth! (I'm not quite sure why you have ♥ Rose at the end instead of Beth, but I digress)

I'm glad you liked this chapter! I worried a bit over it - mainly the flirting, wondering if it was maybe a bit too much, but you reassured me, and thanks for that! I'm glad you thought the flirting was done well - as a teenager myself, I hope I know what teenage flirting is like. You have mentioned loving Lily before, but it's always nice to hear again. *hugs* Don't worry, their dance won't last forever, I promise.

I headcanon Neville as being that awesome teacher who always offers extra help and comforts you when you screw up. Mainly in an effort to make sure nobody has to suffer through a teacher like Snape for at least five years. I feel like students would forget that Mr. Awesome Teacher was also super awesome during the war, and after it as well.

Hugo is definitely clueless here. *nods* He gets it from Ron, I think.

That line wrote itself, and I genuinely have no idea where it come from.

There'll be more Lily/Jacob interaction in the next chapter (and the chapter after that, and the chapter after that, etc).


 Report Review

Review #23, by Secret Santa!! Interlude

6th January 2015:
Hey Olivia!

Here to review the last posted chapter and after the reveal tomorrow, I'm going to continue to review this story as you post new chapters (but I won't have to be in secret anymore!)

I really, really liked this interlude - it was a nice break for the Lily/Jacob story line and helped move along the mystery part really nicely. I also liked that you wrote exactly what you needed and didn't overdo it. I feel like a lot of authors try to make sure so many details and back story are crammed into chapters, that they end up being really tedious. This was done really well. I'm very creeped out by Alexandra - she seems far more dangerous than I thought before - oof!

The only hint that I'm going to give you as to my identity is that I've been on your list of suspects, but you haven't guessed me yet :)

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

It makes me really happy to hear that! I guess I just have to post new chapters. That'll be the hard part. I'm the world's slowest writer. *awaits Guinness World Record award*

I'm glad you liked the interlude. That was one of the things I worried about - whether or not I overdid it and if Alexandra was creepy enough.

And, going back, I realized that I could've figured you out a lot earlier than the reveal - the second review you left (I think) you left a heart symbol, and you're the only reviewer I know who does that.

Thanks for being an awesome Secret Santa!


 Report Review

Review #24, by Secret Santa!! Hogsmeade (Jacob)

3rd January 2015:
Hiya Olivia,

Another review and I can't believe I'm getting to the end of the posted chapters!

Aww, the Hogsmeade trip - I think I've been looking forward to this as much as Lily and Jacob!

My favorite line of the whole story:

We walked quickly down to the Great Hall, each preoccupied in our own thoughts; mine were a mixture of food and Lily.

Aww, he's in deep, man.

Glad to see Sagitta and Lily having it out - hopefully those two will work out their differences, but I do feel a bit like Saggita is being a little too judgmental on Lily here - I mean, she didn't want Lily pointing out flaws in her own choice in a boyfriend - but I guess that's how teenage friendships sometimes work. I also really liked seeing a different side to Stoddard here - he really isn't so bad and it's awesome that you were able to show that by writing the story with two different POVs. I'll admit that I've written a story with that technique, but I wasn't able to keep up alternating the chapters as you have.

Haha - Harry was awesome - great job on characterization, and I really liked reading how he interacted with Lily and Jacob. He knew Lily would be angry with him, but he had his reasons. And he immediately picked up on Lily and Jacob's chemistry with each other. (It seems everyone picks up on this, except those two - even Stoddard).

Poor Jacob - migraine headaches are the worst! I hope he feels better soon!

Great chapter!

~Your Secret Santa

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

I looked forward to the Hogsmeade trip too! It was fun to write.

I'm glad you liked that line! He IS in deep, and I think he's perfectly content that way.

Sagitta and Lily will eventually work out their differences, mainly because, as you said, Stoddard isn't as bad as he seemed in the third chapter.

I'm going to assume you're talking about ASLTW here - you pulled off the alternating POV perfectly there! What are you talking about? (I will admit that that's the only of your stories that I've read so far.)

I'm glad you liked Harry's characterization. I had a hard time trying to write him and get him right.

And yes, Lily and Jacob are oblivious. Their chemistry will have to be drummed into their skulls by somebody else.

Headaches DO suck. He'll be fine, though.


 Report Review

Review #25, by Secret Santa!! Contents of a Letter (Lily)

3rd January 2015:
Hi there Olivia!

I didn't forget about you - it's just been a busy week (ya know, I am Santa and I had to deliver a bunch of gifts...) But now it's time for YOUR gifts!

On to the proper review:

Jacob's and Lily's relationship seems to be taking a natural progression. They are both being careful about moving too fast. Although I was kind of sad that she keeps telling herself that they are just going to Hogsmeade as friends, when Jacob clearly wants to be more than that. :(

And I'm loving the mystery that's developing. Although I feel like Harry should've treated his children equally. Lily is not the type to scare easily and I think Harry might've done more damage trying to skirt the issue. Extra defense lessons! It reminds me of Harry taking extra lessons from Snape!

So there are 2 other things I haven't mentioned yet that I keep forgetting to tell you!

1. I love the DADA teacher's name. Blenkisop - Where did you come up with that?

2. I love you chapter summaries. It's brilliant that you are using awesome quotes for each one. I love it!

Great job on another great chapter!

~Your Secret Santa

And there are two things that

Author's Response: Beth, what makes you think I thought you had forgotten about me? You were an amazing Secret Santa!

I'm glad you like their relationship (which, admittedly, it isn't yet). The trip to Hogsmeade is basically a date (which Jacob realizes but Lily doesn't. It'll be drummed into her later).

Harry is a bit more protective of Lily, as she is his only daughter. The defence lessons will go better than Harry's lessons with Snape did, although I know that's not saying much.

I honestly don't know remember where Blenkinsop came from. As far as I can remember, his name just showed up and it was perfect.

I hate summaries so I'd rather find a quote that fits the chapter than summarize the chapter.


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>