Reading Reviews for Seek and Chase
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by sleepingdragons Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

17th October 2014:
Hey, here from the review thread :)
I really enjoyed this first chapter! I think the way you've characterised the next gen characters, especially Lily, is really good. I really liked Lily - the fact that she's a bit no nonsense, and a bookworm. And Jacob Walker... well he sounds pretty dreamy haha! I'm interested to see where that'll lead...
- sleepingdragons xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Lily is definitely a no-nonsense type of person. Jacob Walker to me I don't see as dreamy (but then again he's my OC, and my view of him is a bit different than what yours is).

I'm happy you enjoyed it, and thamks for the review!

~Olivia


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Review #2, by The_Crookshanks_Saga Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

11th October 2014:
Hi Bella! I really like this story, it's my new Lily fix :) It has great direction and a certain appeal that makes you want to keep reading.

That being said, there is a lot of telling, not showing in this, and for a first person narrative, not much emotion. Remember that instead of telling us what happened in a chronological sequence, it's a lot more interesting to only have the fun tidbits that are clouded by emotion. After all, all first person narrators are unreliable narrators!

But overall, I enjoyed this chappie a lot! Keep writing!

-Meena (for dat bronze)

Author's Response: Hi Meena!

It's always flattering that someone enjoys your story enough for it to be their fix for a certain character! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review.

I'm definitely going to keep writing - I'm doing this story for NaNo, so hopefully I'll have a few more chapters to post in December.

~Olivia


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Review #3, by milominderbinder Arithmancy (Jacob)

10th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for team blue again! Since I already read chapter one of this I thought it would be interesting to read the next chapter!

At first I didn't realise you had switched POV from Lily to Jacob, but it become obvious pretty quickly when he started talking about his old school! Haha. I think it was good that you switched to his POV because it removes the 'mysterious' air he had in the first chapter and instead lets us get to know him as a character. Seeing right into his mind is a great way to let the readers get to know him as a character.

Also, I really like him! I think you've got his characterisation spot on to make him seem very likable and sweet. I also liked how you portrayed his motivations - as in, he works hard at school and is prepared, but only because he wants a chance to play as much quidditch as he can! obviously him and Lily are going to bond over quidditch so it was nice hearing him talking about that!

It was nice that you gave them a bit of a relationship before quidditch started, though. Showing their bond through studying and bumping into each other a few times here will just give them more chemistry when the romantic sparks start flying, which I presume will happen through Quidditch! But it's nice that their whole bond won't be about quidditch, as it makes their relationship seem more rounded.

I also found it sweet that he wrote home to his parents! I think I said in my review of the first chapter that I didn't think many teenagers would sit down and write home a lot at school, so that really makes him stand out to me, and emphasises how nice he seems to be.

Also the end made me laugh. "Only 1500?" That's basically me, ahaha. Nobody understands that that's a normal length book for me! So I can definitely relate to Lily there... although I'm not athletic AND bookish. Just bookish. No athletics for me :P

Overall I think this was a really good chapter! It followed on really nicely from the first one and I liked your use of changing POVs. Well done!

~Maia

Author's Response: Hi Maia! Did you know I've spent over a week trying to write this response? Apparently the writer's block I have for this story also extends to its reviews.

I thought it would be good to switch POVs every other chapter - people need to know who Jacob is. I personally have found that random guys coming up and taking an interest in me is creepy, so I needed to remove the 'random guy' part so people get to know who he is.

I'm glad you like Jacob. He was incredibly hard to write - apparently I don't understand teenage boys' brains - and all the time I spent trying to write that chapter is worth it if it comes across well. His personality was borrowed from a lot of people I know, including myself - he works hard so he can play Quidditch, I work hard so I can spend time on here.

The main purpose of the letter he wrote was to ask for the broom, but at least he added more stuff in, unlike some people. *cough* Lily *cough*

The section about the 1500 page book is directly from conversations I have with my friends ALL THE TIME, so it was relatively easy to write dialogue for it. Only one sport - ultimate Frisbee - for me. No others (can't play them with embarrassing myself.)

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely review!

~Olivia


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Review #4, by milominderbinder Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

8th September 2014:
reviewing for team blue!

This was a good first chapter!

I like your characterisation of Lily. She seems funny and down to earth, which is nice to read and makes her quite relatable.

I laughed at how she says she's only written to her parents once, in second year - and then it was just to ask for them to send her a textbook! that's very realistic tbh, I can't imagine all these teenagers at Hogwarts sitting down to write a letter home every week explaining every little thing they've done. Lily's definitely a more realistic teenager!

I like Sagitta, too. She seems like a good friend for Lily. It's always interesting to see Wotter/Malfoy friendships in next gen fics, since it's so different to what we see in canon.

Interesting introduction of Lily's love interest, too! I like how she changed completely around him and felt awkward - again, a very realistic portrayal of a teenager, haha. I didn't talk in class for about a month when the girl I had a crush on was in it, because I knew I'd say something dumb XD I can definitely feel Lily's teenage crush and you portrayed it well!

Overall I think this is a good start to the story so well done!

~Maia

Author's Response:

Hi Maia!

I thought that Harry and Ginny would raise kids uninflated by their parents' fame. I also thought that Harry's kids had to have a sense humour (look at all the amazing lines he had in the books.)

Teenagers don't tell their parents a lot, do they? I'm no exception - "How was your day?" "Fine." - and I think this generation as a whole doesn't communicate to adults any more than we (they?) have to. Also, at 15, Lily would start to grow up and yearn for that independence. Writing to mommy and daddy doesn't really provide that.

I'm glad you like Sagitta. I thought it would be ironic that they became friends through her Potions error, considering Draco really like Potions when he was at Hogwarts (mostly because of Snape, but still.)

I have first-hand experience with trying to not mess up a conversation with someone you have a crush on, so that part of the chapter was easy to write. It's all clear in my memory. Your heart gets faster, your tongue won't work properly, and you can't think straight. Trying not to look stupid in front of them is really hard, isn't it? The guy I like is in band with me, so I can hopefully get rid of the stupid reaction we both know so much about.

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Olivia


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Review #5, by Infinityx Return to Hogwarts (Lily)

9th August 2014:
Review tag!

I absolutely love this first chapter. I always felt apprehensive about reading Next Gen fics but now that I'm working my way through my own, they interest me a lot. Anyway, I'm digressing. I love the way you've characterised Lily in this. One thing that's great about first person is that although it's a very narrow perspective, the voice used can reveal a lot about the character.

Here, Lily's character is different from what I've come across before. I really like how sassy she is in her thoughts, and is a smart, independent person, and not one who revels in her father's glory or gets followed around by multiple guys. She's a normal teenager and I'm really interested to see how her story will progress.

I also like how she's best friends with a Malfoy and the explanation of how they became friends. The tone used makes the story easy to read and the informal language makes it captivating and engrossing.

Great first chapter! I'm definitely going to read on. :)

~Erin

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like it :) I thought that Harry and Ginny would keep their kids down to Earth, and wouldn't let them get too pigheaded with their parents' fame.

Thanks for the review!


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