Reading Reviews for After - Event 3
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Shadowkat After

20th April 2015:
It's a very interesting concept that I rarely see explored, and it was really intriguing to read. That said, I did see a scattering of errors here and there. For example, mother shouldn't be capitalized, and some parts repeated themselves. Also, the spacing was slightly messed up and interrupted the story. A little description could really help the story pop, too. Maybe described the scent, and how it always made her a little queasy. Or, the clink of glass containers. You can also very word choices to make it flow smoother, I noticed a few places where you repeated the same word a few times per paragraph when you could have swapped them out with something else.

Overall, I liked it. Might need a little polishing, but that shouldn't be too hard. Thanks for bringing my attention to this, it's actually given me an idea. (Don't worry, I'm don't copy. XD)

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Review #2, by St. Brigid. After

4th April 2015:
I like the way Katie is so unsure of what's going on at the beginning of this. Considering she was unconscious, it makes sense she'd be pretty confused when she woke up.

"Her mother" shouldn't have a capital "m" because you're not using it as a title, just as an ordinary noun. Generally, if there's a word like "her" before it, it wouldn't take a capital.

I'd also be inclined to leave out "that meant she didn't like hospitals" at the end of the second paragraph and just say, "it wasn't because of some deep rooted or complex trauma from her childhood; she just didn't like them." You've just said she didn't like hospitals in the previous line, so it's clear what she's talking about and the way it's written sounds kind of repetitive.

I do like the fact that she's anxious about being in hospital, because I think many, if not most, people would be.

The next paragraph really portrays her panic and the part about the cold glass being pressed against her lips is so well expressed.

I wonder are the voices her parents'.

The details in this are fantastic and the way you describe the scene without visuals. The emphasis on how she has to figure things out from sound and how she's not used to that is so insightful. You must have put so much thought into this.

And gosh, her mother must be so worried at the though her daughter could die or could be physically or mentally handicapped.

The Healer seems very unsympathetic. I realise she is busy and Katie's mother has probably asked her the same questions repeatedly, but she should be used to dealing with worried people and she seems quite dismissive of a mother's concern. The thought that Katie could be disabled as a result of the curse is something that should surely be broached more tactfully.

"Her mind was a mess and the more she concentred the more mixed up she became."
You've a typo in "concentrated" here, and I'd also be inclined to put a comma after it.

I think she needs to stop trying to concentrate, but I guess that would be very hard to do. She's only stressing herself out further and if the memories are going to come back, they'll do so in their own time. Rushing them is unlikely to help.

I'd actually like to see a continuation of this. The last couple of paragraphs seemed to rush through a lot of interesting information, which you hadn't much choice about, as I think there was a word limit on this, but it would be interesting to see the scenes that took place as she continued to recover and to see how she manages when she returns to Hogwarts.

It's a very interesting, well-written and insightful take on what happened to Katie.

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Review #3, by oldershouldknowbetter After

17th November 2014:
This is a good exploration of a 'lost scene' from the books - a scene that obviously must have happened, but due to the exigencies of the narrative it could not have been articulated.

I think you have captured the musiness of her feelings and memories well; the drifting in and out of consciousness, while still providing us with a clear narrative and an understanding of the events going on around her - even though you have made it clear that she doesn't understand what's going on nearly as well as do we.

I wanted to review one of your stories as a thanks for reviewing one of mine and I picked this one to read as soon as I saw it featured Katie Bell. I have wondered what would have become of her afterwards - she missed a lot of schooling, would she return for another year? If not what would become of her. The important thing for me is what would happen between her and Draco, would she want to confront him? I like how you have left that unclear especially because Katie, in the state she is in, would be uncertain herself.

Quite often a guy writing a female character can be difficult but you seem to have had no difficulties here.

I like when a lost scene like this is done so well that it instantly becomes 'cannon', at least in the readers' minds. Well done.

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for the review. I wasn't expecting it!

Yes, I had to focus on different things then normal in order to show the fact that she didn't really know what had happened/was happening. It was a challenge.

I really would love to know more about Katie Bell, she is a character that really intrigues me. As you said what would have happened between herself and Draco.

Thank you.

Your comment really means a lot to me, as does your review.

I can't thank you enough :)



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Review #4, by nott theodore After

12th July 2014:
Hi again!

I absolutely love minor characters like Katie Bell and it was so great to see that you'd chosen her to write about for this task. This was actually one of the ideas that I wondered about writing myself because I imagine that it would be really difficult to recover from something as traumatic as being cursed - not only from the necklace but being put under the Imperius Curse as well. It's such an ordeal for someone so young to go through something so difficult. As a minor part of CC here, I would suggest that you go back over this and edit the spacing as the format of it makes it quite difficult to read going through the piece. Other than that I didn't notice anything to improve! I really liked the way that you characterised Katie in this story and I also thought that your exploration of her thoughts and emotions after she woke from being cursed was really well written. Overall this was a really good piece of writing, and I liked the fact she managed to look forward to returning to Hogwarts too!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey Sian, sorry that it has taken a while for me to reply.

I am really intrigued by Katie and I wish we knew more about her. So I really did enjoy writing this and the process.

Thanks for the review once again!


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Review #5, by Pretense Of Perfection After

12th July 2014:
I really enjoyed reading this the first time, and it was even better this time around. The grammar flows much smoother, and really showcases your talent as an author. Katie's lingering confusion and apprehension over what happened are really brought to light in this one-shot, and you managed to evoke so many thoughts in so few words. I like how you left the end sort of open-ended, allowing the reader to infer on their own whether or not Katie had worked out who is was that cursed her, and what she was going to do about it. Her characterization is spot on, great job there. It's so scary to imagine something like this happening, and I think you captured Katie's reactions to it well, being unable to recognize her mom. Her senses definitely must've been on overload, and you managed to convey that well with very sensory oriented words and phrases. Loved it.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for all your wonderful compliments :)



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Review #6, by MischiefNotQuiteMannaged After

7th July 2014:
I think you captured Katie's slipping in and out of consciousness really well. I can feel her fear, confusion,and shock at realising she's in St. Mungos. I heard what was going on inside the room along with Katie. And felt her mothers worry and despair. Katie's desperate struggle to remember her mothers face touched me.

I admire Katie. I don't know how I'd manage if I was in her position.

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi,

Thanks for the review! :)


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Review #7, by HeyMrsPotter After

6th July 2014:
Hello :D

I really like reading stories that are missing moments from the books, and this was no different.

You write Katie's feelings really well, and the process of her waking up is a slow one which is how I would imagine it would be. It's not just a case of her opening her eyes and started to ask what was going on. I like that you took the time to have her just listen to what was going on around her and that she kept drifting in and out of conciousness. I also liked her overhearing her mother fretting, I can imagine that would have been quite frustrating for her!

This was a really good idea for the overcoming adversity prompt, and a really enjoyable read!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review.

Author's Response: Hey there,

Thanks for your wonderful compliments, they are very encouraging!



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Review #8, by Lostmyheart After

4th July 2014:
Hi!

I'm here for the review I offered :)

This was a very interesting story, it filled that gap in HP that I've been wanting to get some answers from.
I think you captured the feeling of waking up from an attack like that very well.
It must have been so scary to not even recognize your own mother's voice! Just the mere thought of it scares me.

I really enjoyed reading this story :)

- Avi

Author's Response: Hi,

Thanks for the review!


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