Reading Reviews for The Phoenix Song
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57 Birds of a Feather

9th July 2014:
Aww, this was wonderful!

I love how Rolf is really reluctant to go on an adventure, and yet he still follows Luna as she goes into the unknown. He obviously has a crush on her. :) And Luna calling him Ralph is just so silly--only she would do a thing like that. :D

I loved all the descriptions that you put into this. I could really see Luna and Rolf wandering through the foliage in search of the phoenix. Great job with vivid details!

The only typo that I saw was when the phoenix is singing. You wrote "It opened its mouth and the same tune sad tune..." I think that you meant to write "same sad tune." But I understand how fast you had to type and post this for the Cup, so it's really not a huge deal. :)

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it!

Obviously he's got a crush on her, obviously. Remember kids, if a boy decides to go off into unknown danger with you without asking any questions, he likes you!

Thank you, I've never actually been to India so I didn't know what the forests looked like there. I had to search up pictures on Google to get some idea and then I went from there. I'm really happy to hear that the description was good though!

Thank you for pointing out the typo, I was going to go back and edit a little bit of this thanks to a pointer that I got from another review and I'll make sure to keep this in mind.

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #2, by evil little devil Birds of a Feather

9th July 2014:
This was a really sweet story! I absolutely adore Luna, and I love to read stories about her. I think you really captured her sense of wonder, and her sense of adventure.
I really like the idea of her and Rolf going on adventures together. I love how absentminded she was about his name!
I can definitely see Luna going on a hunt for phoenixes one day, and I think you did this really well. You portrayed her emotions really well, how she went from fearless to scared to joyous as she hurt herself, and then heard the phoenix's song.
This was a very lovely one-shot!

- House Cup 2014 Review.

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it! Thank you, I'm very happy to hear that I wrote Luna really well as there's no one quite like her in the series.

I was getting Rolf's name wrong while I was talking out loud and I figured that Luna might have the same problem as me. I could see Luna going on a hunt for any magical creature really just because she wanted to see what it looked like up close and personal.

Thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #3, by Beeezie Birds of a Feather

8th July 2014:
Wow. There really were a lot of amazing entries written for Event 3 for this House Cup.

I loved this. I think you captured Luna beautifully, and I love how you characterized Rolf - I sometimes think of him as being rather like Luna, but Luna really is one of a kind, isn't she? And just because his grandfather is big on magical creatures doesn't mean that he's quite as enthusiastic about them, particularly when it comes to wild goose chases.

But I love that Luna was vindicated. I know that some of her ideas really are completely out there, but not all of them are, and I feel like she probably wouldn't hold all of those beliefs that are a bit left of the middle if she'd never experienced anything vindicating them.

And Luna is such a gentle soul - I can totally see a phoenix coming out to help her when she gets hurt.

Beautiful job.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #4

Author's Response: I know right, I've read through some of them and they're all really good, I could see why the staff had such a hard time picking a winner.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the one-shot! I really admire your writing so to hear that is a big deal for me! Luna really is one of a kind, there's no one quite like her. I think Rolf would've really loved animals but probably not quite on the scale that Luna loved animals so it might've a bit a of a shock for him to be introduced to someone like Luna.

Luna is a Ravenclaw, and even if she does seem a little bit loony at times, but she was put in Ravenclaw, the house that values intelligence, knowledge, logic, and reasoning and I don't think she'd believe in something if she didn't have at least some evidence proving that there was a chance of that thing existing.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review!


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Review #4, by patronus_charm Birds of a Feather

8th July 2014:
Yay, back for the final one!

I really loved this one-shot as Lunaís characterisation was just so great and made me laugh a lot. I really liked the fact she kept on calling Rolf Ralph by mistake too as it fitted with the image of her not always be there and not always concentrating. She seemed in such a rush to get out there and find the phoenix, but it was a nice one filled with enthusiasm and seemed so Luna like it was just really lovely to read.

You wrote them tracking down the bird so well and it really felt as if I was on some sort of magical journey or adventure throughout. It was just your description really as it really vivid and meant I can see everything like they were seeing. I loved seeing the phoenix too because it seemed to sense that these two werenít out to kill or capture it, just to watch it and I always thought they would have some sort of weird affinity like that too. The ending image with it flying away was really lovely too and a great end to a great one-shot!

-Kiana
House Cup 2014 Review!

Author's Response: Welcome to my final entry!

I had a lot of fun writing Luna and as it turns out she's actually not as difficult to write as I thought she would be. I'm glad that you enjoyed the Rolf/Ralph thing because I kept getting his name wrong while I was talking to myself out loud so I thought Luna might also have that problem.

I was really hoping that it would feel like you were going on an adventure with Luna. It was a little difficult to achieve considering I've never been to India and thus never trekked through any of the country's forests at all but I feel like I got there in the end. I'm so happy that you could see everything that they were seeing because it's what I was seeing (I'm just very proud of myself now) and just yay!

I think every animal has an instinct telling them when they're being hunted and when they're just being observed.

Thanks again for reviewing!


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Review #5, by ohmymerlin Birds of a Feather

7th July 2014:
Heya!

Aww, that was so sweet! I love Luna and you've really portrayed her well! I also laughed that she kept calling him Ralph, although to be honest I feel like she'd get his name right but it was a good little laugh! :P And I loved her determination! We saw that determination when she refused to not believe all those magical creatures were real and I think you really channelled that in this one-shot!

Rolf was also very entertaining. I liked that even though he'd not known Luna that long, he'd been dragged to find this phoenix and he already knew to just stay quiet otherwise she'd keep going on longer, haha!

Your descriptions were really good! I loved reading them and it gave me a very vivid image of where they were! Yay!

I really loved that phoenix. I just wanted to pat it myself, haha!

I really liked this one-shot! I think you did a great job on it!

10/10

- Kayla :)

House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Hola!

Actually, I think you're the first one that's mentioned that she probably would've gotten his name right, but I mean I guess it depends on how you think of Luna. I can see her getting Rolf's name right but at the same time, I can see her messing it up. Honestly, the only reason that she got his name mixed up was because I kept getting his name mixed up and I thought it might've been cute.

One of the best things about Luna is her determination because she never gives up on things.

I feel like if anyone spent ten minutes talking to Luna they would learn that if you told her not to do something it would only make her more determined to go against what you said.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reviewing!


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Review #6, by maskedmuggle Birds of a Feather

7th July 2014:
Hey!

Aw this was so brilliant, I really adored this! I always love reading Luna stories and this was no different - it just made me smile so much. Luna is often a difficult character to ace, given her different quirks, but I thought you did such a fantastic job here. Luna's adamant belief that she would find a phoenix was just so Luna, and I really liked your characterisation of Rolf as well (going along with Luna despite his own hesitations and not wanting to rain on Luna's parade)! The plot of this was just so great - I loved how she did manage to find the phoenix in the end, though perhaps not in the way she wanted to. It definitely felt like such a magical moment, especially when the bird started singing, and I thought you did a really great job writing this story! Really enjoyed this~

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey there again!

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed the one-shot.Luna is a difficult character to write because of her many quirks and I was a little bit afraid that I wouldn't get her right while writing this. If Luna believed in Crumple Horned Snorckacks the way that she did then she would no doubt believe she would find a phoenix no matter how long it took her.

I always pictured Rolf as someone that was as weird as Luna but not quite on her level and besides, he is going to be her future husband so of course he'd follow her anywhere.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed this and thanks for reviewing!


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Review #7, by Hogwarts27 Birds of a Feather

27th June 2014:
Hi again. I decided to read this House Cup entry too, and thought you did another great job on a story with such a short time limit. I really liked the humor of Luna calling Rolf Ralph. That was classic Luna. I also really enjoyed the vivid descriptions you wrote. The forest was pretty generic though, with no mention of how the Indian Forest would be different than the Hogwarts Forbidden Forest. So a brief mention of that would be a nice thing to add, along with maybe mentioning any climate difference.

I also found their search through the forest a bit slow paced because nothing really happens until the Luna loses her footing on the hill, so most of the hiking part felt like just filler. Adding some interesting dialogue between the characters might easily solve that, since they hardly talk at all. I really enjoyed the little part where one of the characters wondered about the hazard of wild animals, etc. That was a good thing to put in, and it was well-timed.

The story pace picked up nicely once Luna took a fall, and the description of the phoenix encounter was just lovely and brought the story to a very satisfying end. Overall, a very pleasant short read. Nice job!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh thank you for stopping by again!

I'm glad that you liked the bit with Rolf/Ralph thing because I found myself messing up the name as well so I figured that Luna might've had the same problem as me.

I agree that I wasn't being very specific about the forest but I just didn't want to get anything wrong seeing as I've never been to India myself so I figured if I wasn't too specific then I wouldn't be getting anything wrong. But thank you for the ideas that you gave me, I definitely see where I could fit those descriptions in and another couple of other things that I could add in here and there.

Adding in some dialogue would definitely make it more interesting, I can see where you're coming from with the filler bit so I'll go back and add in some more things to liven it up a bit.

Thank you so much for reviewing and for the lovely criticism that you left me!


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