1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by greenbubble Recluse

7th July 2014:
Hello there! House Cup 2014.

This is a really good start to your story so far. I like how you don't explain things ridiculously over the top and how you prefer to keep things simple. Lord Alpha seems to be the bad guy in this - even Draco is afraid of him! Saying that, Draco was afraid of Voldemort too. I'm not too sure about Dwyer either. He seems nice enough but if he thinks that Draco is completely trustworthy, then I don't know whether I can trust him myself on the whole. I like how the start of the story immedietly references to the Phoenix in the title because it leaves you in the dark as to what will happen next. I also like how you have not rushed Draco into the office but instead, you have given it a small build up, creating more tension in the opening. As for constuctive critisism, all I would say is to be careful about how many times you use a certain word in a short piece of text. Other than that, great work! I look forward to future chapters :)

- Emma

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you. Yes, Lord Alpha is the extremely bad guy - this is the sequel to Albus Potter and the New Lord, which explains a lot more about Alpha.

I'm not too sure about Dwyer either! He can be very forgetful and scatterbrained at times, as we will see later on.

Yes, pay attention to these phoenixes, they will be important...

Thank you for that bit of CC, I'll bear that in mind when I'm writing. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Karou


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