10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Impossible To Forget

12th July 2014:
You definitely managed to pack a punch into so few words. The emotions were pretty clear and concise throughout most of the story, and it was easy to follow. I'd definitely change the spacing a bit, as it is a pain to scroll down so far to read the next part, but it's nothing huge. I found myself really cusious to know what happened to Molly...I'm glad her death was peaceful, but I guess I always pictured that Arthur would've been there for her when it happened. I think you did a good job portratying their relationship, although I'd think maybe he would feel a bit more guilty..he did after all admit he sort of took her for granted sometimes, and at one point he mentions that if he had been there maybe he could've saved her. His pain over her loss is very well written though, and it really makes your readers feel almost like they are experiencing the loss for themselves. The pacing was perfect, not to slow or too quick, and the strong emotions really set the tone for the rest of the story. Amazing job!!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

 Report Review

Review #2, by maskedmuggle Impossible To Forget

10th July 2014:
Hey!

Aww, this was so sad. You really conveyed the narrator's loss so well; I could definitely gain a really strong sense of all the emotions she was feeling. You portrayed how much Molly meant to the narrator very vividly, and depicted their friendship as such a special bond, which was the whole point of this prompt. I especially loved your final line, because it really emphasised that it's our friends who significantly contribute to who we are. On another note, I believe it was probably unintentional, but the spaced out formatting is pretty distracting whilst reading the story, so perhaps if you were able to fix that when you could it'd help other readers be able to more easily read your story. Anyway, I thought you did a really great job with this, and I really found it to be a nicely written story.

- Charlotte

 Report Review

Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 Impossible To Forget

9th July 2014:
Aww, this was lovely.

I really enjoyed the details about Arthur Weasley that the HP series doesn't really talk about. He's a Muggle Objects guy, so it would seem that everyone assumes that he was only good at Muggle Studies. The tidbit about Potions was a cool thing to add. Also, I myself am a piano player, so I think it's awesome that Arthur plays the piano. :D

Oh, so much feeling in 500 words! Molly and Arthur cared for each other a lot, and her death was really hard on him. It was good to see his perspective on things.

Great story!

House Cup 2014 Review

~UnluckyStar57

 Report Review

Review #4, by evil little devil Impossible To Forget

9th July 2014:
Firstly - just a hint, using the 'paste as plain text' function really helps to stop the crazy spaces, they made the story a little difficult to read.
Having said that, the story itself was very cute! I really do love that you had Molly die in her sleep, after all she's been through it seems only fair that she would be able to die peacefully.
You really made Arthur's love for her shine through your writing. Through all your descriptions I could really feel his love, in the way he thought of her, and the way he looked at her.
This was such a sweet story, and thoroughly enjoyable :)

- House Cup 2014 Review.

 Report Review

Review #5, by nott theodore Impossible To Forget

8th July 2014:
Hi Emma! I'm reviewing some of the house cup stories in the reviewing event and I had to stop by your page and leave you a review - you've done so much to help Gryffindor already even though you only joined recently! So this is just to say thank you and welcome to our house as well!

This was a really cute one-shot, although it was sad to read. I love Molly and Arthur together - they're possibly my favourite pairing from the whole series - so this was a beautiful story to read. The only tiny bit of CC I would mention - and this has nothing to do with the writing - is to edit your story to change the spacing, as it makes it a bit difficult to read. You can use the simple editor to do that quite easily :)

The relationship that you wrote between Molly and Arthur here was brilliant, and I loved the way that you captured what Molly had meant to Arthur in just 500 words. He remembered her in everything and remembered every aspect of her, and I could practically feel his grief radiating from the page (screen) so that was fantastic. She really is impossible to forget!

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

 Report Review

Review #6, by ohmymerlin Impossible To Forget

7th July 2014:
Hello!

Aw, this was so sweet! Poor Arthur, losing Molly would be the most difficult thing on the planet! :'(

Just a little tip, maybe try and remove all the spaces? It was a bit distracting to scroll halfway down the page to read the next paragraph. A good way to do that is use the simple editor! :)

I really liked your portray of Arthur in this one-shot. I especially loved the moment where he thought about the first time that they met. That was very sweet! :D

It was also a nice (well... not really 'nice' but...) touch that you made Arthur feel like it was his fault. When it comes to death so many people think it's their fault so it was a 'good' little detail there.

Great one-shot!

- Kayla :)

House Cup 2014 review

 Report Review

Review #7, by SereneChaos Impossible To Forget

7th July 2014:
Oh my gosh. Molly! *sobs* I didn't at all expect the story to turn this way. How sad! I really like the idea of Arthur never forgetting his wife and much of an impression Molly left on him. Something I think you could work on though, is the formatting. The gaps between paragraphs are huge and distracting. One way you could fix this problem is to 'paste as plain text' when you copy/paste the text from word into the editor on the site. For some reason, the editor reads spaces between paragraphs as huge things. Another thing is to preview your story before you submit, so that you can check for formatting issues, which are pretty easy to clean up. :)

 Report Review

Review #8, by HeyMrsPotter Impossible To Forget

6th July 2014:
Me again :D

This is just so heartbreaking and beautiful. I hate the idea that one day either Arthur or Molly would have to be without the other and this story just reminds me why, poor Arthur :( I think you wrote his grief really well, and his kind loving thoughts about her really reflected the relationship that we see between them in the books. It makes me sad that he has moments of regret about aspects of his and Molly's later life in the way he could have thought of her more and how he thought he could have saved her. Actually, this whole thing made me teary!

As with Little Angel, the spacing seems off with this, there are big gaps between the paragraphs. Sometimes depending on your browser and where you're coping/pasting from this can happen, if you edit them out using the simple editor it should fix them :)

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

 Report Review

Review #9, by DracoFerret11 Impossible To Forget

6th July 2014:
Hello there! This is Ravenclaw DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the House Cup 2014! :D So, let's go over things:

Grammar/Spelling/Formatting: The only error I caught was a misspelling of the word "mattress" as "matteress" in the second paragraph. The other thing I might suggest is to make the spaces between paragraphs smaller. Right now, I had to scroll a lot to get to the next paragraph which was a bit tedious.

Plot: This was a sweet story, but so sad! I felt terrible for Arthur after Molly's death. I really pitied him for not figuring out how to express his affections until it was too late. This almost seemed AU since I can barely imagine the seemingly negative relationship between Molly and Arthur, but I actually really liked that they seemed to grow a bit apart as they got older. I thought that was realistic and well-done. The emotions were really strong throughout this story which I liked a lot. Also, the image of him playing the piano at the end was very interesting.

Characterization: As I mentioned above, Arthur was surprisingly careless with his relationship with Molly, but I thought it was realistic nonetheless. His sorrow came across well, despite the short length of the story.

Descriptions: I think you did a pretty good job showing the details of this story, especially in the first paragraph. If it weren't for the short word limit for Every Word Counts, I think it would be great to see more of this. The emotions were great, though, as I keep saying! :)

Overall, I think you did quite a good job. I would have liked to see the friendship aspect of Molly and Arthur better, but I liked the emotions portrayed here. Well done and good luck to Gryffindor in the House Cup!

--Emily (House Cup 2014 Review)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Rumpelstiltskin Impossible To Forget

26th June 2014:
Hey there :). Molly/Arthur is a very soft, sweet spot for me. Naturally, I had to pick this one.

Plot/plot arch: Oh my feels! Upon the subtle realization that Molly was, in fact, dead, emotional response was inevitable. I think the heart-wrenching emotions might have a lot to do with Arthur, because he loves her so much, but he's left without her. It was an extremely sweet and sad story, acting as a well-rounded excerpt, and worked as a one-shot effectively.

Characterization: The way you've portrayed Arthur was so very sweet. I love the focus on his love for Molly, and the grief tied into that factor.

Structure: There are some large gaps between the individual paragraphs. To avoid those, have your text prepared on a separate text document with only one double-return between each paragraph, and use the "paste as plain text" option (it's the sixth option in the tool bar on the top row -- the clipboard with a small piece of paper and something that's blue). It will bring the visual appeal that can compliment your lovely story (some of us readers are lazy, and don't like to scroll to find the next paragraph ;) ).

Notes/other: Overall, fantastic job!

-Rumpel

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login