Reading Reviews for Claw
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 Sixth Year, Teddy Lupin and the Like

13th October 2014:

I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room for the BvB review battle.

Back for chapter 2 - yay! I thought you did a really great job introducing all of the characters. It flowed very well and didn't seem off or awkward. We know who Rose's friends are, and her enemies too. I really liked that you've given each character a distinct personality, complete with good qualities and flaws as well.

I also love the character you've created for Rose. She's clearly very clever and smart, but there are things that she hates about herself (she doesn't think she is pretty and doesn't like her complexion). Also, I love that she's really good at Quidditch and I really, really love that the Ravenclaws are the best team!

The explanation you've given for how the other Houses perceive Gryffindor is fantastic. I think they would find them arrogant and annoying. All of this is just more reason for Rose to feel a bit left out from the rest of her family. That makes for a great story line (I've used it as well).

In my own personal preference (only because I'm a HUGE Rose/Scorpius shipper), I would've liked to see a little more of Scorpius in this chapter. This is not a criticism, just my own preference. I like how you've shown us where he stands with his father. Of course, Draco would be disappointed, but sending a holwer - ugh! Poor Scorp.

There were a few typos here and there, but nothing too serious. Cieling should be ceiling and I'm pretty sure that eachother is two words, not one.

The only other small criticism I have is that you still haven't mentioned Albus Potter. At this point, you are two chapters in and his name hasn't even come up. I would assume that he is either not in the story, or doesn't exist in this universe. Either way, I think that you should find a way to mention it. If your story includes only James (II) or James and Lily (II), I think that you should find a way to bring that up at some point.

So far, you've made me care about the characters and interested in the story. I want to know what happens next - so that's great! Also, I really, really like your title and story summary! Great start!

♥ Beth

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Review #2, by Infinityx An Owl, a Hat and a Train

2nd September 2014:
Hi! Here for the BvB battle!

First off, I'm glad I chose to read this fic. The first chapter was incredibly entertaining and held my attention throughout. If this was your first, then you've done a really good job at starting off. You have a knack of describing what's happening, and there's a good balance of dialogue and description. Your Rose has a unique voice to her, and I love how it's easy to connect to her thought process. Great style of writing!

I love the banter in the beginning. Your characterizations are really intriguing, especially Scorpius'. I've never read a version in which his personality is this way, and I must say, it's a refreshing change. I'm interested to see how his friendship with Rose develops. Are you going to make this a Scorose? If so, I'm even more interested, as it seems like they are perfect as friends, and a step further would maybe complicate things.

Ugh, that Saffire Skeeter. Is she Rita's daughter? She sure has the characteristics. If so, a little more background on her would be nice. Maybe ease it into the story later? So, it's just been the first chapter and I already hate her. I expect there to be a lot of drama later on!

The part where Scorpius retches all over McGonagall was priceless! I pictured it in my head. Not pleasant, but hilarious! :D I also really like how the hat immediately shouted Gryffindor without taking long to decide. It's a nice parallel between Scorpius and Draco, since the hat shouted Slytherin as soon as it touched Draco's head. I think it's quite obvious, I'm really interested in Scorpius' character here.

Ah, I kind of guessed Rose would be in Ravenclaw when Skeeter got sorted there. Nice job of leading me to believe that she was in Gryffindor though! You really did a brilliant job of putting the reader through what was going on through Rose's mind.

A bit of CC:

"Nope, must of left it at home." - This should be "must have left it at home." I'm sorry for nitpicking but this a particular pet peeve of mine, and it's a common enough mistake so I thought I'd let you know. :)

There are a few commas missing as well, but a quick read through would easily fix that.

There's no mention of Albus, Lily or Hugo. Especially Albus. Wouldn't he be in the same year?

Apart from that, nothing really struck me. The pace and flow were good, and I loved the characterizations. I'm curious to know how this proceeds so I'll be back soon to read on!

Also, LOVE the chapter titles.

Great work!


Author's Response:
Hi Erin!

Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and reading this made me smile!

It won't be a Scorose (even though I love that pairing, and have always wanted to write a story about them). I have decided to make Scorpius gay in this story, and I have actually never read one where he is! I also imagine that Draco (being Draco) wouldn't be too happy with that, as well as with Scorpius being in Gryffindor.

Yes, Saffire is Rita's daughter. I hope to introduce more information about her background as the story develops. I've sort of based her on everybody awful in the HP series! Except Voldemort - I'm pretty sure Saffire has a nose.

You've analysed the story so deeply! I loved how you noticed the parallel between Scorpius and Draco with the Sorting Hat.

Thank you for the CC, I'll fix it up ASAP. You are right, I should have mentioned Albus, Lily and Hugo. I will fix up the chapter as soon as I can, and add them into it.

Thank you so much for the fabulous review!


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Review #3, by UnluckyStar57 An Owl, a Hat and a Train

19th August 2014:

Hmm, this is an interesting first chapter! Rose is a first year, but she seems fairly mature for her age and she knows a lot about Hogwarts already--one of the perks of having lots of relatives who attended school before her. :) I find it very intriguing that she is friends with Scorpius Malfoy before she even starts school--how did that relationship come about? I'm very curious to know. :)

Ugh, Rita Skeeter shouldn't even reproduce. Or is Saffire her niece? Either way, she's sort of detestable and I dislike her already. Like, who names their kid "Saffire?" Someone who obviously likes semiprecious gemstones... Blergh. Good job on making Saffire appear with a bang and a roar. I'm sure that she'll be causing problems with Rose later on.

Oh wow, Rose isn't a Gryffindor? You almost had me fooled, and that was pretty clever! She imagined the Hat saying "Gryffindor," but alas! Now she is separated from her two best friends and she's going to have to learn how to cope with that. Hopefully Saffire isn't in Ravenclaw...

There were lots of little humorous things that happened in this chapter, such as Scorpius and Dom standing on the platform and Rose thinking that they were really tall. It made me giggle. :)

Brilliant first chapter, especially since this is your first fanfic! Wow! I hope to come back and read some more one day. :D

~For the August BvB Review Battle~


Author's Response:

Thanks for the in-depth review! I cracked up when I read the line on 'semi-precious gemstones'.

I haven't actually outlined her friendship with Scorpius Malfoy, (even though I probably should have), because later in the story, the way in which they met will play a key role when Rose starts analysing their friendship, and begins to question whether or not Scorpius's actions are beginning to reflect his father's.

Sorry for that long and convoluted sentence! Yeah, so basically, I'm going to bring it up later in the novel, because I forgot to in the first chapter, and then I had another idea.

I am so happy you laughed!

Thanks for ze review,
xx snufflesthedog

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Review #4, by brimck Moors, Hospital Wings and Not-So-Great Halls

13th August 2014:

Author's Response:
Sorry! Can't disclose any confidential information :D
But I can say that Joanna hasn't got very long to tell Rose what she wants to.

xx snufflesthedog

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Review #5, by Ha Ledwa An Owl, a Hat and a Train

9th August 2014:
Hi snufflesthedog,
I really loved your first chapter! This a great start to the story. The plot line is really different to what most people would expect of a hpf about Harry Potter's friends' kids. I think it's really clever to put Rose in Ravenclaw, and it makes the story really stand out.
I especially loved the conversation at the end of the chapter between Rose and the Sorting Hat, it's really funny, and also a great cliff-hanger.
The conversation between Rose and Saffire Skeeter (great name, by the way) is really great. It totally re-lives the scene in the Philosopher's Stone where Draco tells Harry that he should choose better friends.
This is completely irrelevant, but I'd love to know who on earth would have kids with Rita Skeeter.
And I completely LOVE Scorpius' character and the fact that while he is Draco Malfoy's son he is also friends with Rose. I don't know if this was intended, but it says something about when Harry Potter saved Draco Malfoy.
Overall I think that this is a really great first chapter and I can't wait to read more!!!
Hazza Ledwazza

Author's Response:
First of all, thanks so much for the review! I am so glad that you liked the dynamic between Rose and her friends and Skeeter. I don't know who'd have kids with her either! But she does have a father in the story, who will shortly be revealed.

You are right, it is like the scene in the first book - I actually didn't think about it like that! But now I do - it's totally similar.

Thank you!
xx snufflesthedog

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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 An Owl, a Hat and a Train

5th August 2014:

I'm here for the BvB battle from the Ravenclaw common room!

Gosh, this is your first fanfic? Great job! I really liked this first chapter. You have a knack for writing witty dialogue and clever characterization. Really impressive. The chapter flowed very nicely and was easy to read and follow. I love it when an author's style is distinctive and unique. That is rare amongst first time authors - as they tend to just "talk the story" instead of "tell the story" so kudos at finding your voice from the get-go!

I like your version of Rose - she is sarcastic yet a fierce friend and comes off as a believable eleven year old. You got Ron spot-on. He is no doubt making jokes to lighten the situation. He is probably a little sad that his "little girl" is off to Hogwarts.

I also really like your version of Scorpius. Others may not agree with me, because there are some canon-nuts around that insist that Scorpius must be just like Draco and they want to see his pure blood haughtiness and sneaky ambition show through constantly. I am not of that school of thought. Scorpius grew up in a very different world than Draco did and he had TWO parents. Astoria would have influenced his nature just as much, if not more so than Draco. What I'm trying to say is that I think you did a great job with building your own version of Scorpius. I also like the way you described his character: by having him go through the traits of each house and see which ones fit him the best. That was really clever.

I have two bits of cc for this chapter. First off, I think that you might want to consider describing how Rose and Scorpius became such good friends. You mentioned that their fathers hate each other - which fits with the books, so I was trying to work out how Rose and Scorpius even would meet before their first day at Hogwarts. I'm not saying it isn't possible, just that you might want to mention how they knew each other so well (maybe their Mums were friends...). The other thing that struck me is that Albus isn't even mentioned at all in this chapter. Since you've chosen to start your story during the epilogue of the last book, readers are going to expect to see Albus and Rose on the platform with their parents. Again, I think it is quite all right to have Scorpius, Dom and Rose be best buds, but if Albus is older or younger in your version OR there is some other reason why he isn't there (like they don't like him because he is mean or something), I think you should at least mention it or have an Author's Note at the beginning saying that you are disregarding the epilogue from the book. I don't want you to think any of these things are a big deal - I really like this story - I was just offering suggestions because you asked for CC in your A/N.

I LOVED your description of the sorting. I think that those can be really boring and drawn out, but you made it interesting and funny! I laughed right out loud when Scorpius threw up! And your depiction of Rose and her nerves was fantastic. I was nervous for her!! Then when she thought the hat said Gryffindor and didn't realize it until a minute later - that was great! You really made me feel like I was right inside Rose's head. It was a great ending to a fabulous first chapter.

Keep up the good work!


Author's Response:
Hey! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond!

Firstly, I would like to thank you for your amazingly long and thoughtful review. I am so glad that you enjoyed the chapter, and you are very kind and complimentary - I smiled so much reading this review!

I was actually originally going to write this as a Scorose fic, but then I thought that whatever characterisation of Scorpius that I could think of that would fit into that would most likely have been written about before. I'm happy you like my version of Scorpius! I think that if he was real, I would probably like to be friends with him.

Thank you for the cc! You are right - I didn't explain the friendship between Scorpius and Rose, so if I get a chance to edit that chapter, I'll probably add a paragraph about it, and including Hugo too. I imagine that Scorpius and Rose's friendship started at some Hogwarts reunion when they were younger, which they were invited too, and Rose invited him over to play with her. Ron and Hermione would have been furious! But I guess they just went with it for Rose's sake. I accidentally didn't include Hugo in the chapter - I wasn't thinking very broadly when I wrote it!

Thank you so much!

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Review #7, by :)) (Sabrina from school!!!) Confrontations, Greek Mythology and Lucretia's Ailment

23rd July 2014:
Update, update, update!

Author's Response:
Hi Sabrina!

Thanks, that's really sweet, will do.

xx snufflesthedog

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Review #8, by :)) Sixth Year, Teddy Lupin and the Like

19th July 2014:
I think it is really good snufflesthedog!!! I think that it is really amazing. As you asked for criticism, I have one very small comment. I think you should add more spells into it because that is one of the best parts of Hogwarts! But everything else is absolutely awesome, especially for your first fan fic!!!

Author's Response:

Thanks so much for the review!!! So glad that you enjoyed it, and thank you for the spell idea. You are totally right, and I had forgotten how prominent and important spells are throughout the Harry Potter series. I shall try to include more in Chapter 8 and beyond.

xx snufflesthedog

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Review #9, by SkyEcho An Owl, a Hat and a Train

8th July 2014:

The beginning of the story really worked to grab my attention. I loved that it was strictly dialogue and it came across as a realistically funny conversation that many adults would be having with their children before sending them off to Hogwarts. The line about the owl had me laughing :)
You write humour very well. I immediately liked Rose and her narration just made the story flow.
I liked the interactions between this next gen trio. You've portrayed Scorpius in a different way than I've seen in other fics, so that was refreshing. Having them worried about being split into different houses makes a lot of sense. I enjoyed Scorpius' attempts to define the houses as a way to show them that he could only be placed in Gryffindor.
Ohh that Skeeter girl is so rude! I can imagine how it would be hard for the children to have such famous parents - so I liked that you addressed this here.
Oh my goodness- the throw up! LOL And what a twist at the end!
You've created a really interesting start to your story here. Great job!

*House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #3*

Author's Response: Hey!

I am so glad that you are liking my story! Your review has really made my day. This is my first novel-length fic, I hope that it works out okay, and your review has given me a lot of encouragement!

Thank you so much,

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