Reading Reviews for Collateral
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoy Collateral

9th July 2014:
Hey there!:)

You have a tendency to write the dark and tragic, don't you? :P Don't worry, I thoroughly enjoy the dark and tragic! And, a bonus is that it's quite the obscure character, so yay!

As you mentioned, you did try a new form of storytelling, and I really liked it! It gave the story more depth without overdoing it obviously. Keeping the names out of it mostly made it easier for the reader to become each of the characters as it switched between points of view with each scene.

Rather than a fragmented and shallow description we get of the Death Eaters invading the Quidditch World Cup, you really expanded on the preceding events and how it felt to be the muggle sacrifices. The whole idea of linking the muggle family through Clover with the Dursleys through Dudley made me smile! Finally he's thinking for himself and realizing he was not living a healthy lifestyle and got himself fit instead. Good job on his characterization, I really loved it!

Overall, a great one-shot, and I'll continue reading some of your stories! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Hehe, I do enjoy the dark and tragic! I had a lot of fun experimenting with this story so I'm very pleased you liked it and it helped you connect to the characters.

Yes, the Roberts were such a small part of the books but once I remembered about them I couldn't help but write about them. I'm glad you liked Dudley as well, I thought perhaps he seemed a little too nice but he was fun to write for sure.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)

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Review #2, by toomanycurls Collateral

17th June 2014:
I loved this. I also hated it. I might have cried reading it during validation.

The beginning with the slightl vague reference to the girl and the boy instantly cued me to the fact that these people had interesting identities. I love the connection that Clover and Duddley have - two teenagers so inadvertantly impacted by magic (and both so adorable with the blooming romance). Okay, because it's Duddley I'll call it a pre-romance. I never thought I'd be rooting for Duddley in this department but you made him so relatable.

As much as I hated the Dursley's anti-magic behavior in the books, I can almost understand his anger here. It's not just something that terrified Duddley (mainly due to his parent's fear-mongering) but he now has someone else who has lived through the (much more justified) fear. I really like that Duddley isn't taking lip from his father about it. I love how much he cares for Clover.

Your description of Clover's life (and her brother) are beautiful. I love the image of him fragile as a bird. The idea of memory modification being like getting lost in the woods is a wonderfully visual way to describe it. Her memories of the World Cup must have been extremely horrific as they came back.

The snippet of anti-muggle sentiment is well-placed in this story (with the wizarding war being in full swing and seeing a bit of it from GoF). I'm angry at the wizards for the way they trampled all over the Roberts' lifes and didn't stop to consider the longterm imapcts. gah.

This might be my favorite line: "No - no, because to be forced to forget is to make me less of a person"

I can't help but think Hestia felt horrid for suggesting her that place for the World Cup after everything that happened. :-/

Once again you made Duddley seem like a standout person and wizards a bit off with their ethics for having Duddley advocate for Clover when Hestia was discussing having Arthur modify her memory.

I nearly died when Arthur and Tonks showed up. I'm glad Tonks was at least a bit iffy about doing that to the Roberts. Were they killed by the death eaters from the village?!!? Or worse - was it Hestia? (probably not her but still)

Amazing story!! I loved every bit of it.


Author's Response: Hi Rose! :)

Wow, thank you so much! I love hearing that you both loved and hated this, hehe, as it was a little painful for me to write especially when I realized what the ending had to be in order to make the story complete.

I'm glad you liked Dudley here! I wasn't sure about how to write him, if he should be as dumb as he is around Harry or perhaps a little more sympathetic, but it's good that you liked how he turned out. His and Clover's connection was so interesting and I loved writing their opinions on magic and how it has harmed or affected them.

Yes! Dudley here does have private reasons for his own hatred of magic, both personally and through Clover. While the way the Dursleys treated Dudley was of course wrong, I would also say that Hagrid using magic against Dudley in PS was wrong as well, since he was just a helpless child and it was done to provoke and hurt his parents - I love Hagrid, but can't blame Dudley for now having an excuse to fear magic in his own right. It mirrors the way Clover experienced violence as well though on a smaller scale.

Thank you! :) I'm glad you liked those descriptions, they were some of the first parts I wrote of the story.

I'm angry with them too! The thing that I wanted to show in this story wasn't just the Death Eaters, but how the ordinary wizards just kept messing with Mr. Roberts' mind without even caring. It angers me a lot as well and it gave me an outlet to show how wizards are like an oppressive group in society that doesn't realize their socialized violence on Muggles.

I'm pleased you liked that line! It was a way of showing how strong and independent Clover is, and how she is so compelled to maintain that.

I definitely think Hestia did, though she doesn't realize the full impact it had on the family and on Clover.

Ah, exactly! I wanted to show an alternate perspective here, and though Dudley can't see the bigger picture and can only think about Clover - and himself, in a way, because he wants to keep her as a friend - he still is the more noble person when advocating for her.

Hehe, I wanted to leave the ending a little ambiguous so the reader could decide what exactly happened and if they were dead or not. I bet it's sort of irritating for the reader but fun for the author! :)

Thanks so much for the beautiful review, Rose! ♥

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Review #3, by Red_headed_juliet Collateral

17th June 2014:
This was so sad, but so beautifully told!

I thought it might be Dudley from the beginning, and after that last line we heard him say, I got a rather soft spot for him.

The description is wonderful. You kept the voice of the character through the entire thing, showing us the magical world through new eyes. Very well done. I also liked your characterization. Dudley's almost obsessive need to control his weight/muscle mass, the way Clover needed to talk about things. The pajamas.

It's sad to think about how that families life was ruined. This was a great idea! Shame it didn't make in time for the challenge.

Very nicely done! If you have time for a swap, that's fine, if not, oh well. It was a great read.

Oh! And I'll be popping by for that new chapter of sevenfold soon. +] I just noticed it's up!

Until next time!

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Dudley in this! I think in DH we saw him branching out from Petunia and Vernon a little bit, and while he's still quite stubborn and a little brutish I wanted to show a more interesting side to him.

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked the description! I really enjoyed writing this and how the writing style got more minimalist by the end, so it's great to hear you enjoyed it, and the characters as well! It was quite interesting tying in all those little details.

I'm glad you liked the idea behind this - once it occurred to me, I felt quite angry and sad on behalf of families like the Roberts who were just abused and hurt by the wizards.

Thanks so much for the amazing review - you're a wonderful reviewer, you know that? :)

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Review #4, by emmacweasley Collateral

17th June 2014:
This story has got such a great voice - I'm so glad you put it up for review swap, and I got to read it! I really liked the puzzle at the beginning - it wasn't until just before I read his name that I suspected that the boy was dudley, and even then it took me a while to figure out that it was hestia and diggle. (though I suppose that's my own fault - I kind of forgot they went off with the durselys for a moment.)

This was a fantastic idea for a fic, and it's great writing. The characterization of each person was great, even Clover and the rest. I liked them very much, and they all seemed very believable. My only question was about the end - I assume she committed suicide. Is that correct?

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Thank you so much! :) I'm so glad you liked the story, and how the characters were revealed slowly - I was originally going to write the whole thing without using their first names, but it didn't quite fit. Ah, I'd forgotten about the Dursleys and especially the Roberts family as well, which was part of why I wanted to write this and guess at what they might have been up to. :)

I'm so glad you liked the idea and the writing, it means a lot! :) The characters were so fun to develop as well. I wanted to leave the ending quite open and ambiguous, but in my idea for this story the Death Eaters found the family in order to question them about the Dursleys, since they wanted to use Harry's "family" against him. So whether Clover is really dead or not, and who dealt the hand that killed her, is sort of up for the reader to decide I guess. :)

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

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Review #5, by Aphoride Collateral

17th June 2014:
Okay, okay, you've got to stop doing this. I mean, seriously, it's unreal. Every time you write something new, you make me think and you make me fall in love with the character or the story you're telling simply because you're writing just does that, seemingly effortlessly. It's just... gah, amazing.

I love how you manage to pick up all these characters who have such small parts in the books, or who no one really writes about, and make them into such 3D characters and make their stories so big and grand and important. Like the Roberts.. I'd honestly never really thought about them before, but reading this... gosh, I missed something! It's so horrible what happened...

I love Clover, and Dudley, and how together they sort of learn more about the wizarding world and yet less at the same time, if that makes sense. Like, it's a very narrow view of it, but they haven't seen the amazing side of it, they've just seen the harm it can do. Kinda like Petunia, and Dudley with the Dementor you know. I love how Clover was so haunted and so scared by what happened to her and what might happen next - how it was like a living nightmare. It's so thought-provoking.

Dudley was great, too. I never see him written, which is a shame because he seems a bit more of a character than people often think he is, but I loved how you portrayed him here. How he wanted to protect her and liked her, but felt that he couldn't, and tried to stand up for her because he knew having her memory wiped wouldn't be what she wanted. Strange to think of Dudley as a defender of rights, but it worked so well here! :)

I have to mention how you managed to make Arthur and Tonks seem kinda creepy and weird. I had no idea that was even possible :P

Your writing, of course, was gorgeous, as always. I loved the style you wrote it in too - with the different sections and the memories incorporated into the main body of it. It was so, so lovely.

I'm so glad I read this and if you're not on my favourite author's list (which you should be...) then you're definitely going on now! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh you are just so lovely! I loved this review so much, it was really sweet and gah, just thank you! ♥ I'm so honoured that you liked this story, and my writing!

I was just the same, I completely forgot about the Roberts, but once they came back into my head I just couldn't stop thinking about how horribly they were treated. Especially with how all the men just kept wiping Mr. Roberts' mind, it was awful. :(

I'm so glad you liked Clover and Dudley, and yes I know what you mean - their view is quite limited and has to remain that way, and they only see the scary things and how it's harmed them personally. I think Dudley is a little more prejudiced than Clover because he's been raised to think that way, while she really has to think for herself, but she's less angry and more terrified. I thought the way Muggles are just treated as pitiable but disposable, and how patronizing the wizards are to them to be very interesting - even in weird cases like Hermione modifying her parents' memories, it's a little patronizing in a way even if it's for their own good. So it was quite fun to explore that through Clover especially.

I've barely seen Dudley written either! It was tricky, because I wanted to make him an interesting character, but seen through Harry's eyes he's just so... dumb. So it was difficult to find a balance, but I'm glad you liked how he was portrayed! :) His crush on Clover and friendship with her does make him more of a protector, haha.

Hehe, I'm glad you found them creepy and weird though. :P It was quite interesting to write them as some sort of bad guys.

Thank you! I'm relieved to hear that, I didn't want the style to be too confusing but still wanted it to fit with Clover's jumbled memory.

Thank you so much for this amazing review and all the compliments, my darling! :) You really are too lovely!

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