5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LightLeviosa5443 Chapter One

1st October 2014:

So sorry that I'm so late getting to this! I want to thank you for entering into my challenge! I really liked what you did with this and the unique way you tied the quote into the story! I really enjoyed the feel of the whole thing and the ending had me laughing. It was a great way to finish off the story.

I liked how Rose observed everyone and we got a good idea of who people were, and how they all interacted with each other. It was an interesting mix. But man oh man. I'm still caught on that ending, it was positively hilarious.

Great job hon! Good luck! I hope to have the results up soon!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi Sarah!

Hehe, sorry for giving you a response so late. Four months. Yikes.
Thank you, I'm so glad to hear you liked it.
Yes, I really wanted her to be this observative girl, one that thinks a lot about things.

Thank you! It was a great challenge. Now I just need to move on with this story... If I ever will.

- Avi

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Review #2, by TidalDragon Chapter One

11th September 2014:
Howdy! First off, thanks so much for participating in the challenge! It's my first one and I was excited to see so many people interested! Now let's jump in to your story!

I was initially struck by the setting and Rose. I don't read a lot of Next Gen, but when I do, I've seen her written as either a carbon-copy of Hermione or, interestingly, Lily (which seems to feed the hate-to-love dynamic people like to do with Scorpius/Rose). Here you made her an individual free of both those stereotypes, which was nice to read. Development of the other characters was relatively limited due to the first-person perspective, but I don't think this inhabited you since I'm taking fromt he title that this is (or may become) and introductory chapter.

In terms of plot, the only inconsistency I noticed was the party being introduced as a celebration for winning the Quidditch World Cup (which involves national teams), but then involving just the Chudley Cannons (a club team). These are the kinds of observations you get from the rogue male members of HPFF like me! Sorry!

The only big-picture writing stuff I'd look at would be a bit more showing rather than telling about other characters and also trying to make the descriptions more powerful with strong, evocative language.

Thanks again for participating!

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Review #3, by shelby_potter1919 Chapter One

12th August 2014:
Oh goodness! Please update! I really want to know what happens next! It's great so far! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'll write the second chapter during this week or the next, so expect it to be up sometime this August or early September ^_^
Thank you for reviewing!

- Lostmyheart

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Review #4, by torie6 Chapter One

15th July 2014:
I love this already and it's only the first chapter. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Hi!

Argh, I'm so thrilled to hear you love my story! I'm going to update it very soon, within the next two weeks. So stay tuned!
Thank you so much for reviewing :)

- Lostmyheart

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Review #5, by newgenerationlover Chapter One

23rd June 2014:
Great beginning! (Oh, and before I forget, you said that the banner you made was temporary, but I really like it! You should consider just making it your permanent one :) ) Great job weaving all those challenges into this one chapter! It gets so hard when you do that so kudos to you! I think you have started out with a great premise to your story. Yes, we see many 'secret relationships' on this site, but this one seems to have its own original spin on it. I also like how you are writing as they are out of Hogwarts. So many people chose to write while their characters are still in school so it is always so refreshing when someone does it when they already have jobs and have grown up a little bit. I already like your spin on our canon characters and I am interested into seeing where this all goes. Ah! I can't believe they got caught! Can't wait to see what will happen from here!

Author's Response: Hi Mary! :D

Hehe, thank you! :) I've considered leaving it there, but since Lily isn't in it, I've been trying to make a new one :) so ALL of them are in it :P
It was definitely hard to write three challenges into one story 0_0 a lot harder than I thought, but I think I managed to do it smoothely - or at least I tried to :b
I'm so glad you liked my story, and the fact that they're out of Hogwarts :) I liked that as well, it's different and they're a bit more grown up and have a lot of responsibilities.
Thank you so much for your review! I'll try to write the second chapter this week, and get it posted in the next :)

- Aviaja

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