Reading Reviews for Stand Tall
66 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Panda Weasley  There's a Girl I Know

22nd July 2015:
Wow, I really slacked with this review didn't I? This chapter has been out for a while and I haven't reviewed it yet! As you know I absolutely love this story, and this chapter was no exception.

There were many parts I loved about this chapter, and I was going to tell you specifically all of them, but that would be way too long of a list. I think what really stood out to me the most about this chapter is how you were able to jump between several scenes, and they all meshed together very well. The way that you weave minor points throughout the chapter really brings it together. The score keeping and the crossword puzzle are excellent examples of that.

I also really enjoy how you have an element of humor that balances out all of the moods. There are parts that are sad, stressful, worrying, and then there is always a little one-liner or a funny scene that balances it out. I really enjoyed the humor with James and the Weighing of the Wands ceremony.

That said there were also many places where I noticed typos, or places where it looked like you changed a sentence and forgot to change a word. I think it would be a good idea to submit a beta request because this story is really excellent, and small errors like that can be distracting and take away from the story. I would volunteer, but I really don't have the time right now to make a long term commitment. I do have a little free time right now though so if you want me to give you feedback on a specific chapter I can do that.

'The woman's voice was like the turn of a page, soft and yet full of the promise of something more, “Beautiful, absolutely lovely. Ebony, you’ve got a strong will in you."' This is my favorite line in the chapter. I love the imagery in this one simple line. The way you describe her voice makes me able to hear it clearly. It reminds me of a tv show I watched when I was a kid. I forget what it was called, but it was set in a rainforest and one of the characters was an old tortoise. I remember her being like a grandmother to all of the other animals, and her voice made you instantly know that she was wise and made you want to listen to what she had to say. I picture Mrs. Zauberstabe's voice being like this. In general all of you imagery is beautiful. I always get a feeling when I read these chapters that I know exactly what you are describing.

Overall I thought that this was another very well done chapter. I can't wait for the next! We get the results right? It's stressing me out not knowing how she did. See you next time!

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Review #2, by Tonks1247 Don't Wish, Don't Start

13th July 2015:
WHAT IS THIS!? Okay, so, James having everything under control better not have been him putting her name in rather than his. Like, seriously. I know he would figure the chance of her being picked is low, as pretty much everyone including Alba thought, but it would be impossible for her to be picked if her name wasn’t put in. So he better not have done. Though that then leads to a question of who did. Which gives me Chandra, but I wouldn’t really peg her as the type…and Ben is missing in this whole situation…who did it?

Now that I’m spiralling through the who did it question, now it’s why and what does she have to face? It just…like…what? I cannot wait to see where you take this Triwizard tournament and where it takes Alba. Like, I’m sure she’s plenty capable but depending on the tasks at hand….well, I’m interested to see what’s going on. It’s really stuck in my head and bothering me…

Trying to move on to before that point…Ben is an interesting character. I kind of adore him but question what he’s trying to get at. One minute he’s kinda acting fine with Alba, the next he’s kinda Jealous of James spending time with her and trying to make deals to get the same treatment, only to throw the whole thing off again. And he’s missing from the table at the end and just…I really need to read more to find out what’s going to happen!

Favourite quotes of this chapter:

“Do not take entering your name into the Goblet of Fire lightly. There will be no withdrawing, and the road ahead of you will be incredibly perilous.”

“So, when I want to help you, you can hold my hand... like James.”

“I pick you up when I want to hold you.”

This really was a lovely chapter! I’m going to aim for maybe one more before the end of the night, but I’m losing steam on reading so we’ll see where I end up. I’ll (hopefully) be back tomorrow or the next day if not later tonight with another couple reviews!


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Review #3, by Tonks1247 Sudden Heat

13th July 2015:

So, uh, I’m gonna start by apologizing for how long it’s taken me to get on to this next chapter. It’s been on my list to read and review and I apparently just haven’t been making much progress on any of the stories on my list…BUT! I am here now, and am hoping to either get through most of the posted chapters, or all of them, in the next couple of, here we go!

Once again, this was a lovely chapter. You offered up some plot points, advancing things with the arrival of more of the schools. You also give some good character backgrounds. Chandra with OCD? That actually kind of makes sense in a way, with her behaviour, but I do worry about how the upkeep with that will work. I mean, it’s good and it makes her character more complex, but just make sure to be watching it and keeping it believable, especially with her being a Quidditch Captain and all. As you have it presented now, I think it’s quite well done, so just keep it up!

I am quite excited to see how things unfold from here. I’m excited to see if James actually does put his name in the cup and who gets picked to compete. The curiosity is killing me because obviously someone has to be picked and it has to be significant to Alba and James, and I wouldn’t think Alba would go in for it, as she’s already denied doing that…

Anyways. Fantastic chapter. I’m going to have to go cook dinner before the next chapter, but rest assured…I will be back. xD

Here are my favourite lines, before I go!

“Apparently the bad taste was genetic.” (And as a side note, Clam is a little better than Oyster, and they’re both terrible if raw. Cooked makes them a little better, but I agree with the assessment…nasty stuff… xD)

“The ship was beautiful, in the way decrepit old houses are.”

Great job!

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Review #4, by Sam There's a Girl I Know

16th June 2015:
Brilliant piece of work - worth checking every day for the update! Try not to take so long next time :D

Author's Response: *blush* Every day?? Goodness, talk about dedication! Well, as this chapter was double the length of all the others, I've decided to blame it on that. +] I am so glad that you liked it, and thank you so much for leaving a comment.

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Review #5, by moomoo She Wins Him

15th June 2015:
Really good.😊😊😊😊😊😊😊👶😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Author's Response: Haha, didn't even know you could have a smiley in a review. Thanks! So glad you liked it!

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Review #6, by Tonks1247 Sudden Silence

15th June 2015:
Okay. I did another chapter. Definately could not help it. The presentation you have of your character, and the way she is so easy to read and follow along's really quite endearing and makes it easy to slip into reading...

So. This chapter. Maude is a pretty interesting character. I feel conflicted, a bit, as I would think everyone sharing a dorm would get on pretty well and be friends with each other, but then again, in the same token, it makes sense that not everyone in one dorm is best friends with each other. It's a werid thing, as it does and doesn't make sense. I'm rambling. On topic. Maude is interesting because she does worry about Alba. She knows her routine and is used to being around her. I think it's sweet that she's concerned. ALSO. Love the John Green quote. And that whole analogy. It was a pretty solid explanation.

Also like the whole James/Ben thing going on. Thier behavior towards each other is just priceless. Also love Ben with his asking her out. And Alba with her keeping count of the rejections. And the habits of conversation they get into. Really is entertaining and makes me like Ben, just a wee bit more!

Interesting conversation she heard between Chandra and James. Kinda looking forward to seeing what happens with the Triwizard Cup. I have a werid feeling that a twist of plot will really throw me off for it...but I guess we'll see, yeah?

I had one nitpicky thing from this chapter as well: "Memorization of incantation, annunciation, and wand work, comprehension of theory, practical applicatoin, all of it was simple." Application is spelled incorrectly.

Overall, another really well done chapter. I will share a favorite quote from this chapter, in closing, because I quite liked it.

"Do everything for others they never could do for her. The idea was intoxicating, really."

Great job! Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you!

I think that James and Ben are my favorite part of this now. Haha. Ben actually wasn't in the first draft, but he kinda put himself in and I haven't been able to get rid of him since (I'm sane, I swear...)

Not going to say much about plot, or tournament, or twists... other than JUST WAIT FOR IT!

I'm glad you liked that line!

Really, it means so much to know that I'm getting new readers who are excited about the plot. Thank you so much for these reviews, I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest of it.

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Review #7, by Tonks1247 Eyes Meet

15th June 2015:

So apparently I just am going to keep reading here we go.

Love this chapter. It's really fascinating, the types of potions you've mentioned here. I'm a nursing major, so most medically realted pieces of information fascinate me. It's even more interesting to read things that are altered into the world of Harry Potter because it gives me more to think about. In this story especially, I'm amazed by the detail you have that encompasses both the muggle world and the magical world. The fact that she uses the braces and the crutches quite regularly (though she's trying to not use hte cruthces so much), in addition to the Pain Philter and the Strengthening Solution is absolutely amazing. I don't know a lot about CP but you've put in enough detail for it to make sense. Also love the details you put in about how her body has to heal itself, rather than letting magic do it, in order to prevent further issues from arising. This does mean no helpful potions and just.this is really cool and well thought out.

Other things I adore: James. Poor guy is only trying to help and Alba is just...over it. I mean, I don't blame her. I wouldn't want someone to tell me what to do. Or tell a teacher what I'm not doing. Though it definately sounds like a James thing to do! Also feel bad for the poor guy as he wanted to bring her some desserts and she's with Ben and just...unfortunate!

Also, intersting with Chandra and her commentary. James does care a lot and I think she knows or sees more than she lets on. It was actually pretty interesting that she's rude in front of James but apologizes without him around. It's an interesting build to her character and it should be interesting to see more from her.

There was one small spelling thing I found: "The metal bounced off hiss thick shoulders and he laughed more, taking the stairs two at a time in spite of the extra weight." Hiss should be his.

Overall, this was a pretty excellent chapter. I have a feeling I'm going to be going onto the next one yet tonight...but we'll see! Great so far!


Author's Response: Haha, you're so cute!

I've spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, so I knew that I'd need to do a lot of thinking before I decided on a treatment plan for her. I'm glad that you approve!

It's good to hear that you haven't just written Chandra off. I do have plans for her, and she is a deep character with a lot of internal motivations.

Thank you, thank you!

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Review #8, by Tonks1247 Hands Touch

15th June 2015:

I was just browsing through the recently updated stories and decided to read a couple of the stories that looked interesting. I can honestly say I have not seen any stories that include a disability at Hogwarts. I don't know if it's because I haven't looked or I don't tend to read a lot of fan fiction (the downside of being in school...), but I thought with this opening chapter, you've done an amazing job.

First of all, Alba is a really interesting character. I like how you went about introducing her character. She's obviously very strong and determined to do things. You also speak of her disability in a very effective manner, describing her difficulties and abilities in good detail.

I also like how you brought James in. Children are so innocent to the world and don't see a need for pity or to be rude about things. The fact that James was instantly able to see Alba for herself and brought himself to her speed to chat and become friends. I like how thier friendship has matured, in that six year skip. He still cares for her the same as he always has and I'm actually curious to see more of his character. This whole not playing Quidditch is not something I've ever seen of his character...

Also, the fact that Alba and James have this thing that James isn't aware of...or just Alba with her crush on him. Definately cannot wait to see how that developes or changes over the course of the story...

There was one small thing that I noticed in this chapter: "Her forehead as pressed against the cool glass, a nice change from the muggy interior of the compartment." as should be was

Overall, I quite enjoyed reading the opening chapter of this story! It was an interesting find and I'll have to come back and read another chapter soon!


Author's Response: I'm so glad you found it and enjoyed everything! Writing about someone with a disability was a big decision, but I'm so glad I made it. I really think that it adds a moral to the story that some pieces don't have.

Thank you so much for leaving me a line, it means a lot to wake up to THREE new reviews. +]

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Review #9, by Roisin Hands Touch

5th May 2015:
WHAT?!?! We did a swap FOREVER ago and I could have SWORN I reviewed this and then going back to read responses COULDN'T FIND IT! AH! Then I double checked reviews for this chapter, and NOTHING. Wow, I must seem like the worst ever person right now! I have no idea what happened or why, but OK LET ME FIX THAT NOW!

Anyway, I also have experience with disability, and so I really appreciate the way you portrayed this here. You do a great job of making it something she's accustomed to, yet still a very present concern. That's a difficult toggle, and even very excellent stories about medical issues sometimes don't manage that (like, I love John Green, but he's very inconsistent about Augustus' ability in TFIOS). Throughout though you do such a good job of inhabiting the perspective. The sort of 'sh-- happens' perspective toggled with 'I CAN DO IT MYSELF.' Very familiar to me.

You make a really good point, too, that James would be under a lot of expectation to try out for the TriWizard Tournament. I FEEL LIKE I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND IT EXCITES ME :D

And the device with the crossword puzzle was excellent. Really cleverly executed throughout.

Oof, Chandra though. Bit of a piece of work, that one. I can't imagine watching someone on crutches fall and then replying "EWE."

Also, SNAPS for Alba's quippy one liner at the end. SO GOOD!

Author's Response: Bahaha! That's ok. I don't mind.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the balance, I really didn't want to put people off with a lot of jargon, but they need to understand her capabilities and situation.

Thank you so much for this great review, I'm so glad we did the swap however long ago. +]

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Review #10, by Somebody She Wins Him

23rd April 2015:
Great story! I want to read more!!! This is my first review ever.

Author's Response: Wow, what an honor! Thank you so much. Hopefully next chapter will be up soon, it's a big one!

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Review #11, by Panda Weasley  She Wins Him

12th April 2015:
Loved this chapter, as always! I love your imagery and Alba's spunky character. I think this chapter was well written and moved the story along perfectly.
I noticed in several places you put an extra letter at the beginning or end of a word and it completely changed it. For example "bus" instead of "but", and "she" instead of "he" (I saw that one in several places). I think if you have someone else read over it they can spot those for you.
I know this is a short review, but I don't have a ton of time so hopefully I can make it up to you with the next chapter. Maybe. We'll see. Excellent work! Love the story!
~Panda Weasley

Author's Response: The next chapter is HUGE! I really hope you like it. I feel like you will hold me responsible if the story starts to slip. Haha!

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Review #12, by Panda Weasley  She's Who's Winsome

9th April 2015:
Oooh yay! Two new chapters! I came to read the one I knew I missed to find to my delight an extra one as well! I really liked this one and I think it was a good chapter to introduce characters and plot details. I'm interested to see the two Durmstrangs develop. I'm predicting that their characters are going to be interesting.

I found a few small spots where there seemed to be a comma missing or something. For example in the sentence "Alba didn't press for an answer as she went to get the medication" it sounds like Alba went to get the medication, not the nurse. These are just little small things that aren't super important, but you might want to read through again and see if catch any others. That was really the only technical thing I found, everything was really well written.

I especially liked the quote: "Her eggs and toast were blurry, buried in question marks". I'm not really sure why besides the fact that it made me laugh. I liked the imagery you put into that. I also really liked the way you described the two Durmstrangs. I think there personalities and character were portrayed very well.

I guess that's it for now. I have to get back to work, so I'll have to read the other chapter later. I will definitely review it when I have the chance though. I really like this story.
~Panda Weasley

Author's Response: I'm always so excited when you review!

Thank you for your critiquing. My hubby and I read these things so many times, it's hard to catch the little stuff.

Thank you again for reading everything and leaving me so many wonderful reviews! They really do make my day.

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Review #13, by eunoia Hands Touch

4th April 2015:
Hi, I'm here from the BvB thread!

Usually, I avoid certain Next Gen stories especially those concerning James and an OC because usually they are really similar. But this is amazing! I was drawn in by your summary and this first chapter did not disappoint!

Alba already seems like an awesome character. I've never read about a character with a disability in Hogwarts before and I think you've done an excellent job of writing this. I like how Alba's disability is a part of her but it doesn't define her and hasn't completely taken over her life. The repetition of her mantra, stand tall is a very powerful and I'm really looking forward to learning more about her.

The only little typo I caught was centure instead of century. Other than that I think you've got a really solid first chapter here and I'm intrigued to read more about Alba and the Triwizard Tournament!

I really enjoyed this first chapter and I'll definitely be back to read more! :)

Author's Response: This is my second (?) attempt at next gen, as I'm much more comfortable with pre-trio stuff, but I think it turned out nicely! Glad you agree!

Thank you so much for reading and leaving me a line, it really means a lot.

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Review #14, by TreacleTart Sudden Silence

28th March 2015:
Hello again!

I've finally made it back to read chapter 3! I would've gotten here sooner, but alas, life got in the way.

I'm happy to see that Alba's leg is healing properly. I know it must be frustrating to her to have her therapy stalled, but I'm glad that Nurse Wainscott isn't budging. The potential side affects of rushing her treatment are not worth the risk!

Something I've noticed through the different chapters is how Alba keeps a running tally between her and her cerebral palsy. It's a little detail, but it really helps me to imagine where she's at in different parts of the story. I'm glad that even when cerebral palsy is ahead, she doesn't give up!

I think it's kind of sweet that Ben is so infatuated with her. Asking someone out 57 times sure is a lot of dedication. The bit of jealousy between him and James was a nice touch. It was like watching two male gorillas beat their chests!

I chuckled a bit when I read the part about Neville assigning Alba detention in 3rd year for lighting a plant on fire. It's hard for me to imagine Neville as an enforcer of rules. I actually would imagine him being quite sympathetic towards Alba's struggles..although I guess lighting a plant on fire is pretty extreme.

I'm sure I'm starting to sound like a broken record when I tell you how much I truly like this story. I think you're doing an excellent job of portraying the struggles Alba might face on a day to day basis.

I noticed a few minor typos in this chapter. It wasn't anything major, but I thought I would point them out in case you wanted to fix them later.

"She woman’s voice stayed completely neutral" – the woman's

"tendon or ligament that the limb" – then the limb

practical applicatoin-practical application

This truly was a lovely chapter. I'm hoping to have a good amount of time to catch up on reading fairly soon and this is at the top of the list! Excellent work!


Author's Response: Thank you for the critique! I really need a beta, but it's a big project and people are busy.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter. Hope to hear from you again soon!

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Review #15, by alicia and anne Hands Touch

26th March 2015:
Alba is so different already and it really sets her apart from other main characters I've read about. It makes me want to know so much more about her.

Awww! And now I know where the story title came from! And she's met James! And it was an adorable first meeting! "Hullo, just-a-girl," I loved this! And he took her hand and they went in together! I want them to be the best of friends! :D

Hahaha I have a hilarious mental image of James just bursting into random compartments and puffing his chest out hahahah. :D

I love their chemistry with each other, they bounce off of each other so well and it's easy to tell how fantastically they get along with each other. :D You've written that brilliantly! It's so real and true to life. :D

I DO NOT LIKE THIS CHANDRA! She needs to leave and not be a big meanie!! I'm glad that Alba just whipped her wand out to clean out the mess. Go away Chandra! *Sticks tongue out*

A brilliant first chapter! It's so unique already and I cannot wait at all to read more of this, I can already tell is going to be, amazing story! And I can't wait to see how the Triwizard tournament plays in this!

Fantastic work! I cannot wait to read more of your beautiful work

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a lovely review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it (even if you didn't like Chandra, haha)

The Triwizard is currently in full swing, the First Task is in Chapter 10, and I certainly have the others planned. Hope to hear from you again soon!

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Review #16, by mymischiefmanaged She's Who's Winsome

26th March 2015:
noo I wanted the chapter to go on for longer :( I'm so excited about this story. It's so original and well written and just generally fantastic.

This chapter was lovely. I like James at the beginning. His loyalty towards Alba is admirable (unless he did put her name in afterall, but at the moment I don't think that's likely), and their friendship is really sweet, although I think they probably need to have a proper chat soon. I'm intrigued about what's happening with Chandra. I wonder whether it was her that put Alba's name in the goblet? I'm guessing we won't know for a while but my theory is that whatever conflict James and Chandra had was something to do with Alba.

Ben's adorable. I'd like to know how he's feeling about everything, and whether he expected to be companion. My guess would be that he didn't really want or expect Alba to ask him to be companion but when she didn't he was still kind of disappointed. He's a much better friend to her than she realises and I hope she doesn't take him for granted.

The Durmstrang students are intriguing. I wonder whether Dimitri's going to be a bit of an ally for now or whether he's just being friendly to gain trust. Either way, Vesela seems like a real piece of work. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take their storylines. Presumably something interesting is going on between them if he chose her as his companion but is so quick to get angry with her as well?

Wonderful chapter. I hope you update soon!

Emma x

Author's Response: Haha, Ch. 10 is a monster, so hopefully you'll get your fill then.

My lips are sealed on the whole Goblet of Fire thing. You'll find out soon enough, not really but it's fun to say.

I like Ben, even if he can be a bit annoying from a writing standpoint. (I never plan for him to be around, he just is...)

Bahaha, Vesela. If you didn't like Chandra.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

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Review #17, by The Baslisk Hands Touch

26th March 2015:
Hello, it'ss the Baslissk. Just on a sstroll down the hallsss when I came acrosss Alba here and I sssimply had to sstop in and ssay hi!

I am honestly so in love with this story! It's incredible. I'm not even sure how to begin to express my love for it. I love the way that neither you, nor the narration, are abelist, which just makes me want to sit here and grin. (Who am I kidding, I'm doing that already.) CP isn't one of the more used diseases/maladies in ff, and it was amazing to see it represented here. Your characterization is totally ace. Alba is well rounded, with flaws and good points, and despite her CP, she /isn't/ her CP, which is amazing to read. I'm rambling and just plain squeeing at this point, so I'll sign off. :P

I can't wait to see where you go with this plot, aaah!

(I've decided to post 44 letters hidden in reviews over the next little while. Each one of them has a character at the bottom. If you can find all 44 reviews (not all are out yet, so keep your eyes peeled) and rearrange the letters into a quote from Harry Potter and PM it to WriteYourHeartOut on the forums you could win a donation to HPFF in your name! There's a topic in the Off Topic Section if you want to collaborate your efforts!)

Thankss for the great read, I'm very glad to have read thisss.

The Basilisk




Author's Response: This game was so fun, you did a great job on the forums and in your reviews.

I'm glad that you liked the story! Thank you so much for leaving a wonderful comment.

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Review #18, by mymischiefmanaged Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

22nd March 2015:
Just left you a review and forgot to mention - do you think it would be worth mentioning the tournament in your story summary? It looks like it's going to end up quite an action packed story and I'm not sure that comes across from the summary. It doesn't really matter either way but I thought it was worth pointing it out.

Love love love this story, looking forward to your next update.

Emma x

Author's Response: You're so right! I went back and fixed it. +)

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Review #19, by mymischiefmanaged Blithe Smile, Lithe Limb

22nd March 2015:
Absolutely loving this story. Alba's such an original character and you've made her feel very real. I like her stoicism. The friendship with James is lovely. You make them incredibly close but still their own people, and I like seeing James's relationship with somebody else at the same time. The whole Triwizard Tournament plot is really exciting and original, and I love the modifications you've made to the way it works. I'm super excited to see where you take this story, and will definitely keep reading on!

Emma x

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it enough to read all of it! This is really one of the first major original character I've done, so all the feedback is appreciated. The relationship dynamic between them is one that I really try and keep balanced and believable. Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #20, by TreacleTart Eyes Meet

21st March 2015:
Hello there!

So chapter 2 of Stand Tall! I was super excited when you requested this one for our swap!

I really love the character you've created in Alba. She is seriously the coolest. After being knocked down, she seems to inevitably pick herself back up and keep going. I really admire that!

I'm curious about the situation with James. Sounds like he might be feeling some things for her that she didn't expect. Between Chandra's comments and the jealous look on James' face, I'd bet he has a crush on Alba.

I was so happy to see Grawp make an appearance! We never really hear what happened to him after the war, so the idea that he ended up at Hogwarts with Hagrid really brought a smile to my face.

I thought it was a bit insensitive of Professor Pimbly to make Alba use her crutches in the middle of the Great Hall. He could of at least asked her to put them on once she got outside of it! I really appreciate Alba's reaction to that.

Of this chapter I think this was perhaps my favorite line "Examine the skin. Examine the muscle. Examine the wound. Forget the girl. This line was brilliant." It really gives you a good feel for what she is going through.

I did happen to come across two small typos, but they are pretty minor in the scheme of things.

"eyebrows drawing together over penciled in eyes" Maybe I'm just misunderstanding this one, but how do you have penciled in eyes? Was it supposed to be penciled in eyebrows? Forgive me if I'm just being dense here.

"Alba continued the her journey" Either take out the or her. Either way is fine.

Overall, another good chapter! I feel quite invested in this character and will have to keep reading to see what happens!


Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked this chapter as well. Thank you for such a lovely review!

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Review #21, by hokiechick Blithe Smile, Lithe Limb

20th March 2015:
Aaaaugh! What do you mean didn't put her name in, James???

I see what you did there, by the way. You let me go on and on hating James and badmouthing him in my comments and you were sitting on this bombshell the whole time! Now my top suspect is Chandra because James was making her enter with him and she would of course underestimate Alba and didn't want to enter herself. And James put a blank bit of parchment in.

You sneaky author, you! Well done with the chapter, can't wait for the next!

Author's Response: Bahaha! I think this is my favorite review so far!

And yes, it was rather amusing reading all the comments about James. +)

There will certainly be more to come, and I can't wait to hear what you think about it.

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Review #22, by crestwood Don't Wish, Don't Start

20th March 2015:
Wow, I can't believe I haven't reviewed this in so long. I've really missed reading this. I hope that for all the talk of diversity on the forums, this fic has a huge uptick in readership. It certainly deserves it.

I find the of the expiration date of any sense of wonder in regards to magic an interesting one. I suppose it would get sort of mundane if you're exposed to it for so many years.

Your visual descriptions are excellent. I'm so jealous--I really struggle with that stuff. It's the most frustrating part of writing for me, but you seem to completely have it down.

I've actually never seen the Twiwizard tournament in fic, which is kind of strange because it's SO COOL and you'd expect it to show up more. I suppose I don't read many action oriented fic though and that may be why I haven't come across it. Another thing I love about this story. I feel that it'll get more action packed, but you're taking time to focus on the characters and make me actually care about them and what happens to them in the future.

I really like the new tournament rules that you've written in. They make sense to me, considering the track record of the games.

Alba and Ben are just the best together. Whenever they have a scene together, it's the best. "I pick you up when I want to hold you" --I KNEW IT.

I am not sure about James and Chandra's intentions here. Something seems off about them in this Goblet of Fire scene. I'm not sure why. Then again, I never really feel sure of Chandra's intentions anywhere. She seems shifty. (for the purposes of fiction, shifty is good :P)

The crossword scene with the hockey clue is such a great look at Muggleborn assimilation. The way they leave behind their previous lives is kind of sad.

I cannot believe that Alba got picked.. I knew I had a reason to be suspicious. I just knew it. I'm not sure whether James or Chandra did it but I can't believe they did, whoever it was. This is SOOO good! I can't wait to read on. Hopefully I get to the rest quicker than it took me to get to this one. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: It's good to see you back!

Sometimes my visual descriptions take over and I have to beat them back with a hammer. Good to know that you enjoy them.

I dislike movies and books that are action oriented, but don't take the time for character development. There is no sense of suspense or accomplishment if you aren't emotionally attached to your characters.

Bahahaha! Ben is annoying to me, because he is never in my original plans for a chapter, and always just kind of inserts himself, but yeah... even I get butterflies in my stomach when I read that line. Lol!

Haha. The twist! Thank you so much for this lovely review, hopefully we'll be able to swap again soon.

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Review #23, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Hands Touch

19th March 2015:
First off, I am a huge fan of your chapter titles! I love Wicked, and I've always thought "I'm Not That Girl" was an incredibly moving song. It sounds like it is appropriate for your story, too, so kudos.

I had to read this story when I saw the summary. I was very recently introduced to someone with cerebral palsy, who is also involved in a sort of movement called "disability poetics." So disabilities in literature, especially concerning cerebral palsy, has been on mind for a few weeks. What was your inspiration for this story, and for Alba herself? I like what you've done with it so far. Alba seems believable, and while her disability is quite present, it doesn't seem to consume her or be the only part of her identity that matters. That said, I would definitely like to see even more non-cerebral-palsy-related parts of her personality and her life shine through in later chapters.

The writing was really solid here, it all felt very smooth and was quite engaging. You had just the right mix of summarizing and including the right details. James was amusing; I love his friendship with Alba. I want to punch his girlfriend, though. How can he let her treat Alba like that?! I was actually a little shocked by her reaction to Alba, since I feel like teenage girls' brand of meanness is a little more passive-aggressive than that.

There were perhaps three or four typos scattered throughout the chapter, but nothing major. "He always insisted that with his father being the youngest Seeker in the past centure," for instance: I'm guessing you meant "century"? If you'd like to read it through one more time with a sharp eye, I'm sure you could square all of those away.

Also, there was one line that came off as a little awkward to me: "Long mahogany hair that curled slightly, vivaciously curved, Keeper of the Gryffindor Quidditch team." The way it's currently worded, it sounds like "vivaciously curved" is describing her hair, not her figure. Maybe there's a way to tweak things around there?

I'm intrigued by this Triwizard Tournament coming up. More kudos to you, because I'd be way too scared to try and invent three original, creative, mind-blowing tasks from scratch. I feel like Alba won't enter it, but then again, I'm not positive about that. I'd be interested to see where you take this. Overall, it was an interesting first chapter, and you have some strong characters in the making. Well done!


Author's Response: Haha! I love that too, and I kinda always identified as the 'not pretty one' when I was in grade school, so I like it too. +]

Well, my familiarity with CP comes from my cousin, who is very many things other than the disease, for sure. She's had a lot of dreams and done a lot of things people never imagined she would, and she never looked back. It took her a long time to even realize there was something different about her than other girls, and I guess admire her for that. While Alba is much different than my cousin, I would definitely say that's where the character's strength comes from. +] The whole "disability poetics" thing sounds great!

I got a beta! So hopefully I'll get all those little things squared away, and avoid them entirely in the chapters to come.

I have spent many a night laboring the hows and whys and whos of the Triwizard Tournament, and I'm still not sure if I can do it. Haha!

Thank you so much for this lovely review! Hopefully you'll have the time to stop by again and see how things go.

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Review #24, by Unicorn_Charm Sudden Silence

18th March 2015:

I'm really happy I got back to reading this story. I honestly love it. :) Alba is one of the best OC's that I've read on this site. She's amazing. I'm glad that her leg wasn't too, too badly hurt, but that's a bummer that she can't take her pain meds for a few weeks. Hopefully she doesn't suffer too much.

Oh I LOVE that the Triwizard Tournament is going to be in this story! I haven't read a fic yet where one takes place, so I can't wait to read your take on one! I can't blame Harry, or Alba for that matter, for not wanting James to enter. That Chandra really doesn't have her boyfriend's best interest at heart. I think she just fancies thinking herself the girlfriend of the Head Boy AND Triwizard Champion.

This really has been great so far. Your characters are written very well, your description makes the story so vivid and like I said before Alba is a fantastic main character. I'm super excited to see how this goes! :)

Thanks for sharing!! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Wow, thank you! Haha, I think the Tournament isn't a more popular subject because it's so intimidating to write! Thank you so much for your reviews, I really do appreciate hearing what you think.

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Review #25, by TreacleTart Hands Touch

16th March 2015:
Hello there,

I'm here for our review swap!

I apologize if this review seems rambly. Normally I try to write coherent reviews with a bit of a critique sandwiched into them, but I am truly stunned by your story. Everything from the strong character you've but to your beautiful writing is well done.

I think you've done a lovely job of portraying a young woman with cerebral palsy and showing her struggles for independence. It seemed very realistic...and I loved that you didn't try to inspire pity for her in the reader. The message that she is a strong, independent young woman was loud and clear. Starting the story out with her and her mom was sweet and really showed us how far she's come.

I really wish I could offer you some helpful comments, but honestly this is great as it is. I will be adding this to my favorites list and reading the rest of it soon.

Thanks for a great read!


Author's Response: Favorite? Wow! I'm so glad that you liked it!

The woman I kind of modeled Alba after is successful, and beautiful, and dear to me so it's good to hear that I've built a strong character that doesn't need your pity.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!

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