Reading Reviews for Stand Tall
78 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell There's a Girl I Know

22nd September 2015:
YEEESSS!! She did it! I am so proud of Alba!!! She was a superstar!

James was an excellent Companion, too. It was a good thought, to make the plan sabotage, and it was good of him to ask about the terrain, even if they didn't give the answer.

Oh, and I really loved the wand weighing. I always like hearing about different characters and how their wands fit them, but I particularly enjoyed the way you described it all, as well as the character of Mrs. Zauberstabe. She really popped in a short amount of time. I wonder where it is that Alba had heard her surname before.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Apparently he hadn’t told them about the blank paper to save his reputation.
--this is said like it's common knowledge, but I don't think it's been previously mentioned that James' paper was blank? It might be good to check on that, because I could be wrong. But if I'm not, it seems a little strange for us not to see that mentioned beforehand.

Ben shook his head, beaming at her. “Whatever you say, dear.”
--This seemed an odd thing for Ben to do, right after she had told James that she loved him. Wouldn't he be jealous? He's seemed jealous of James in the past. I was wondering if that was meant to be James' line, maybe?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Then you’re still the best this school has to offer. The Goblet knew that. Don’t forget it."
--Nurse Wainscott is absolutely right! She is very good at giving honest inspiration. I was just so glad that she said that, because she hit the nail on the head. Whatever Alba things--whatever anyone thinks, she is good enough. The Goblet wouldn't have chosen her otherwise.

For shame on the Hogwarts kids, for not supporting their own Champion. But I was very glad to see that the Ravenclaws were on board. I laughed when Ben said that the boys had been working on face paint options. :D Now that's the support I like to see.

And Alba was absolutely brilliant in the challenge! I am just so proud of her! She did an excellent job and used her brains and she rocked it! So excited to see the rest of what will happen. This plot is so interesting and fun to follow! Great job!


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Review #2, by Penelope Inkwell She's Who's Winsome

22nd September 2015:
I am SO RELIEVED that James didn't put her name in. I was so angry with him. Like, whew. I cannot even tell you.

You know, in some ways it might be the best case scenario that Alba is in Ravenclaw. They're less likely to be swayed by emotion, and by how things look than by the facts. Alba can make a logical argument, and they'll listen. I mean, Gryffindor pretty much just tuned Harry out when it happened to him, at least at the start.

I can't help but wonder if Chandra did it. She was terrified to put her own name in.

I'm really glad that she chose Nurse Wainscott as her Guide. She has the strongest connection to her, and Nurse Wainscott knows her best.

Speaking of, what was wrong with Ben? It still does seem a bit odd.

Hmph. Durmstrang. I never had a problem with Viktor, of course, and at least Dimitri seems nice enough, but I'm keeping my eye on him. The Slytherin in me isn't all that trusting. I'd be really glad if he turned out to be a good guy, but it's too soon for me to bank on that.

And Ben is so cute with his little owl!


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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell Don't Wish, Don't Start

22nd September 2015:
YES! Alba got it! I'm so excited! I mean, I'm sure she's terrified and infuriated, but I believe that she can do it. However, James better RUN! I mean, honestly, risk someone's life, why don't you? Without their consent? Not cool.

I loved that Alba was working on crossword puzzles through the whole thing. Very Ravenclaw of her. And I was so proud of the way that she didn't falter, despite everything. She stood tall and handled herself beautifully, even though the student body was no doubt shocked.

CC: Just a few little spelling things.

The deep red and pale blue of there robes
--there = their

The site took her off guard for a moment.
--I think that "site" here ought to be "sight"

Alba stood in shocked reverence of it’s beauty; answers to it’s little riddles.; Her head swiveled to the side on it’s own accord.
--In all these cases, the it's should be its, since they're possessive rather than contractions of "it has". And in the last one, I think the phrase is usually written "of its own accord" rather than "on its".

I'm just so, so happy that Alba is the Champion. For a while, I was worried that she'd just be James' Companion, and I really wanted her to be it! I'm delighted!!! Also, I really like the addition of Guides and Companions being added in, officially, to reduce cheating. That's definitely a step I could see the Ministries taking. And it's great characterization that Alba has already looked into the entire history of the competition. She clearly likes to be prepared and was ready to help James if she needed to. I wonder if she'll forgive him in time for him to be her Companion. And which teacher will she choose as her Guide?!

I have to say, that was just so not cool of James. I mean, I'm sure he believed that Alba could never be picked (which isn't really flattering in the first place, though I suppose I can understand it, since Alba didn't think she could be picked, either. Still, it's one thing to say that yourself, and another to have a friend bank on it). But then, also, he tricked Chandra into entering her name – really bravely, I might add, since she's terrified of water – and he took no risk at all. Not cool, James.

And where is Ben? It does seem odd that he wasn't there. Oh my gosh, he is going to FLIP!

I bet Maude will actually be a great support for Alba in all this. But I'm looking forward to see. I'm really enjoying reading this story. Your plot is addictive! I'm so glad that this was nominated for a Dobby, because it deserves it, and because it set me on the path to reading this great story! Great, great work!


P.S. Loving the Wicked references in the chapter titles!

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Review #4, by Penelope Inkwell Sudden Heat

13th September 2015:
“I don’t like things I have to ‘get used to’ in order to like. That’s Stockholm Syndrome.”
--BAhahahaha, ohmygosh. Best line so far!

I LOVE the way you describe the Durmstrang ship's arrival. That whole section just really caught me.

And what is going on with Viktor being there instead of the Headmaster? There has to be a story there. I find the whole thing vaguely suspicious. I can see why they'd want him there – he has experience with the Triwizard Tournament, and all – but why couldn't the headmaster come, too? Veeerrry mysterious.

I think you've written Alba's relationship with Nurse Wainscott really well. The nurse is strict enough to be realistic, and she has enough starch to hold her indulgent side at bay and do what's best for the patient, but that side seems to exist, all the same. She's very encouraging to Alba without letting her work herself too far. Overall, I just found this particular exchange to be really heartwarming. It's so great that she can have that kind of relationship with her health specialist. Often they're so...sort of distant? And I get it; it's probably often necessary for the job. But I think it's realistic that a Hogwarts matron could afford to be a little more, well, matronly, and given the amount of time and effort that Alba puts into these sessions, I'm glad she can have such a warm, encouraging person to help her through it.

So, at first I was a little concerned, when I saw the word OCD, because I have OCD and Chandra's reaction didn't seem quite that, exactly--I mean, I'm not the authority on it, and it's absolutely different for every person, so it certainly wasn't outside of the realm of possibility, but I was a little unsure about it for a minute. Well, more I was unsure about the idea of OCD as an excuse for Chandra's behavior in chapter one. I was glad that you had it explained by Albus to be more of a panic attack-type thing, because that definitely makes sense to me, and I think it adds depth to her character. I wonder what it is about water that freaks her out so much, and whether it's rooted in some sort of negative experience. I'm really interested to see how that comes back in the future. Poor thing. That's a really hard thing to struggle with. Alba is right--it's no wonder she didn't want to put her name in. In Harry's day, a third of the competition was in the lake! How on earth would she do that?

I really liked the bit where she tried to warn Alba about the bouillabaisse. Okay, I've officially forgiven Chandra. She's in my good books. I feel bad for her, though, because I can relate. OCD or panic attacks, it's still similar in that you're really troubled by something that other people think is kind of ridiculous. And you can know it's ridiculous, but it doesn't change what you feel. I think James was really sweet about it, on the whole, but she'll have known he was frustrated, and that's just an awful feeling. I appreciate how much he tried, though. It was a short exchange, but it gave me a much better window into those characters. Good job!

Aw, her friends are really good about being considerate without babying her. Well, Ben might baby her a little--much more than she wants--with the carrying, but that seems to be as much about flirting as anything else.

Is there going to be an Alba-Albus name joke eventually? I'm holding out hope.


hoping up on to the vacated cot.
--hoping = hopping

She laughed, leaving her crutches behind for the first time in weeks as he took her hand, half dragging her over to the desert dish at the Gryffindor table.
--desert = dessert; also, why are they headed to the dessert dish, since bouillabaisse isn't a dessert?

“I thought Stockholm really smart and cool.” James answered defiantly.
--seems like there should be a "was" after Stockholm.

“Oh yeah!” Jam exclaimed
--Jam = James

'the chill worming it’s way through her collar'; 'made it’s way down'
--in both these cases, the "it's" should be "its"

“Vell, I vas chosen to be Guide unanimously by our, our -eh prospective enterants,” she caught him say before walking away.
--it seems like this should be either "she caught him saying" or "she heard him say". Also, "enterants" = entrants

stuble = stubble

forfieted = forfeited

The extra spacing between the paragraphs in this chapter make it a little bit harder to read than previous chapters

This is such excellent work! I definitely plan to be back for more of this. It's a wonderful story, and you've got me well and truly hooked! Loving your writing style and your characterization--it's all really lovely. I'm so glad that I finally made my way over to this story! I've seen it mentioned around the forums--always so positively--but I just hadn't got round to starting it before now and man, have I been missing out! I'm so glad that it got nominated for a Dobby to motivate me to finally get over here! Congratulations again on your nomination. You deserve it. This is an awesome story.


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Review #5, by Penelope Inkwell Sudden Silence

13th September 2015:
Well, Maude seems like a considerate person, and useful to have around if she's so keen on studying. Maybe a friendship will blossom there? I know lots of girls have mostly guy friends, and that's fine, but I do think it's good to have at least one girl friend, too.

Professor Pimbly doesn't seem so bad. I'm getting sort of mixed signals from her, but I get the vibe that she cares about her students' wellbeing. I was glad to see her encourage Alba. It seems like she could use some encouragement just about now. Being set back with her potions and therapy like that really was a blow.

I like how much consideration you've given to what it would be like to have cerebral palsy in the magical world. The potions regimen and the different Healing options are very well thought-out. And I loved that you addressed the classes that would cause her more trouble, as well. It was all clearly explained, and I just think you've done a great job thinking through all these angles!

James, don't be a hypocrite. If you're allowed to worry about Alba when she bleeds, she's allowed to worry about your entering a life-threatening tournament in which you could absolutely die. I'm just saying.

I love how realistically you've painted these characters. They make mistakes and they are hypocritical and they're also understandable and lovable. You're doing a great job with that!


“A single thread in a tapestry cannot know it’s worth,
--in this case, since it isn't a contraction, but rather an indication of possession, "it's" should be "its".

Astrology was her one indulgence. It had nothing to do with her preferred career, but she absolutely loved the stars. At first, it had been an attempt to have an excuse for wandering about at night, but she’d found the systematic charting of the sky to be rather relaxing and inspiring at the same time.
--From the way that you're describing the class, it sounds like it was meant to be Astronomy, rather than Astrology. Astrology is the whole "what's your sign" thing, and I think they cover that in Divination. Astronomy is a Hogwarts subject, though, where you study the stars.

--should be spelled "exercise"

“That’s the deal take it or leave it, missy.”
--it seems like the first and second parts of these sentences should be split somehow. Like, "That's the deal. Take it or leave it, missy," ; "That's the deal – take it or leave it, missy," ; or "That's the deal; take it or leave it, missy."

So what if your sisters already tried.”
--it seems like this sentence should end with a question mark.

Another great chapter! Sooo, James is gonna enter the Triwizard Tournament, huh? I can't say I'm surprised, but it'll be interesting to see what's to come of it! Really enjoying this! :D


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Review #6, by Penelope Inkwell Eyes Meet

12th September 2015:
Oh, I feel so bad for Alba. To be set back like that after all the hard work she's put in! And to be in pain--it must be so miserable and disheartening.

I feel bad for James, too. It's not fair of her to blame him or to take her frustrations out on him. After all, he was right--if she had just healed herself, it would have been a problem, or else Nurse Wainscott would have healed her up the easy way. He was just trying to be a good friend. Poor James :(

But then, I do think it's a realistic reaction for Alba to have. Most of us aren't fair when we're discouraged and in pain, and it's easiest to take out our frustrations on the people that we know will still love us.

I was glad to see that Alba does have at least one other friend, and someone who perhaps considers her to be a romantic interest? I can't tell yet if he flirts for fun or if he really means it, but I'm really excited that the character with a disability isn't just being relegated to a romantic backseat, as if you couldn't possibly have a love life and a handicap (a patently ridiculous idea, because of course you can). It seems like a lot of stories, if they feature a disabled person at all, rarely show them as potential romantic interests, and I'm just excited that it's there as a possibility, at least.

Also, I was really glad to see Chandra have a little more depth to her than just being a typical mean girl. She's still not my favorite, but I'm very glad she apologized, and I'm interested to see what you're planning to do with her character.


waiting for the Eagle to pose it’s question.
--in this case, "it's" ought to be "its".

but if James’s expression had been the clue to a crossword, jealously would’ve been her best guess at the answer.
--I think this is probably meant to be "jealousy" rather than "jealously".

The only other thing I noticed was that you had the woman in charge of the hospital wing listed as Nurse Wainscott, rather than Madame Wainscott, which is the typical title for a Hogwarts matron, based on Madame Pomfrey. I didn't even notice it at first--it didn't draw me out of the story or anything--so I don't think there's necessarily a problem with it. It's not a CC so much as my own curiosity. What made you choose to change her title? Does she have different credentials, or a background in Muggle medicine? Is there a backstory there, or did you simply prefer that term?

Another very well-written chapter. Looking forward to more!


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Review #7, by Penelope Inkwell Hands Touch

12th September 2015:
Hello, hello! I'm here checking out the Dobby noms--CONGRATULATIONS! by the way--and I am *really* liking this.

First, there's just the quality of your writing. That seems a good place to start. This reads very smoothly. The dialogue seemed natural, and it runs the gamut from inspiring, to cute, to quippy, just in this first chapter. Your descriptions are well placed and well thought out. I especially love how you use details to connect readers with an experience that may be pretty different from their own, describing movements, even the callouses on the wrist that one would acquire using crutches. You pull us into Alba's world so entirely, and I feel like I can see everything that's going on around her. There was never a moment that I wondered where we were.

Then, the characters. I already love Alba. She comes across as a very strong, independent girl. Whip smart, and with some occasional sass. She's determined to do everything on her own that's possible, but she also isn't so proud that she can't sometimes accept help from a friend when she needs it (although it seems like accepting help would be difficult for her, and I wonder if that will be a running theme).

James--I'm enjoying James so far. He seems fun, and considerate without being a helicopter, which is the last thing someone as self-sufficient as Alba would want. He seems to know when she wants to be left to her own devices. My only complaint is his terrible choice of girlfriend. Speaking of which...

Chandra--Chandra should I say this? YOU ARE BEHAVING IN A DESPICABLE FASHION! I'm not even talking about Alba's condition here. I know she doesn't want extra pity or anything. But a girl falls in the mud, and not only do you not consider helping with her, you insist that you don't want to let her share your carriage? What you're just going to leave her in the rain? What kind of witch are you?! And I mean that two ways, because you also just don't seem very quick on the uptake for someone who has gone to magic school for SIX YEARS. I think I might have done a fist pump when Alba was like, "Ummm...magic?" Ha! Anyway, if she's treating his friends that way, James needs to dump this girl, pronto. Preferably, like, on the carriage ride to the castle. The sooner the better. Ahem, which leads to...

Emotion: within one chapter, you have given me many more strong emotions than most fics do this soon into them. I already feel very proud of Alba, and you've given us a stronger connection to her than I usually feel towards OCs at the start. And you've successfully made me SUPER ANGRY at Chandra. So good on you, for that! It was excellently done!


Okay, so, as a rule, I always try to give some CC, because I find it super helpful to receive CC. But it's often just opinions and stuff, so I'm just throwing it out there, and if it helps, great, and if it doesn't, feel free to ignore it. No worries :D

with his father being the youngest Seeker in the past centure
--centure = century

From this vantage point, the lakes reflection of the stars and school melted
--lake's should have an apostrophe

"Everything will be ruined, I don’t want her ride in here!”
--I think there ought to be a "to" in front of "ride", so "I don't want her to ride in here".

That's it for CC! Excellent work on this chapter. It's really drawn me in, and I've enjoyed it. Now, on to the next!


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Review #8, by Panda Weasley  He Loves Her So

3rd September 2015:
Yay, a new chapter! I really enjoyed this one. I felt that it was a good transition chapter, and moved the plot along well.

The First Task results were certainly a twist, but I knew that Alba was going to win it. I also really liked the idea of the elephant trumpeting. I can envision the Hogwarts section of the stands exploding with the noise, as well as the Hogwarts halls.

I noticed a few places where it looked like you accidently left out a word, but it's definitely improving. I really want to know what the deal with Chandra is. Was she the one that put Alba's name in the goblet? That was my first thought, but it may be something else.

Lovely chapter, lovely story!
~Panda Weasley

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Review #9, by TidalDragon There's a Girl I Know

12th August 2015:
Howdy! I've finally made it to the chapter you actually WANTED me to review and I apologize again for the wait.

Given the delay, I'll get straight to what you asked about: the action! On the whole I thought you did a good job with a complex scene - a task that all the Champions were working on simultaneously, yet not in the same manner as such tasks in GoF, where their actions were largely unbeknownst to one another due to the nature of the "arena." You set the scene well, used word choice to create a sense of urgency, and didn't make the task drag on.

That said, I did feel there were points where the pace expressed by your chosen words did not match the pace of reading (which I view as the major challenge of action scenes, unless you're deliberately slowing it down). This, I think, is down to two major challenges inherent in your fic: (1) third-person limited and (2) Alba's voice.

Re: the POV, I think the inclusion of an announcer was critical because it gave you more latitude to cover all three Champions. A great move. However, with so many moving parts to the task, announcer pace was sometimes an issue and I'd look to see where you can trim it down and make the same point/description. As an example, after Alba's second "epoximise", a "faster" rewrite could read: "Ooh! Roux's spider has freed itself, and - LOOK OUT! He's been nicked by the plant as well! A lucky break, as Williamson somehow escapes." This eliminates one redundancy and one unnecessary bit (IMO) in that commentary as well.

As to the second part, this is harder to avoid, but even the most reflective thinker is going to think faster under pressure (unless you're trying to set this up as her Achilles heel). An example of streamlining Alba's thinking, but maintaining detail would be where you explain her intent on holding back submissions: "Alba refrained from submitting hers on purpose. The distance wasn't great, but two trips might be too many. With her opponents occupied, she took advantage, guiding her newly-crafted Knight and Bishop to the glowing column. The crowd roared in appreciation."

More generally, I also would be careful overusing her titular mantra.

On the whole I think this chapter was very well done, including the choice to retain some of the complexity in character dynamics despite the task being handled too. The action sequences were solid, particularly given the challenges, and I continue to enjoy this well written story of yours!

Hope this helped!

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Review #10, by TidalDragon She Wins Him

9th August 2015:
I have made it to Chapter 9!

While I've long suspected the James/Alba = something more concept, I have to say here, James's rather blunt questioning seems to paint a sharp contrast to his torn up demeanor about his break-up with Chandra. Perhaps I'm reading it wrong, but it seemed a fairly transparent statement of interest on his part. We'll see I suppose.

As far as the other pieces of the chapter go, Ben keeps the hits coming against Alba with the accusation that she doesn't let anyone get close and I'm interested in both what has triggered his sudden bluntness and what will come of the situation after she essentially refused to respond. I suppose in the oscillating world of essentially high-school-age friendships, things change rapidly.

The remainder of the chapter was solid, and I suppose the Beauxbatons folks have to stay cold, at least for now because we've got to have a villain somewhere. I'll confess I'm a bit disgusted by Pierre's brazen arrogance, but perhaps he will demonstrate how truly talented he is and at least justify it in some measure.

I enjoyed the little puzzle about what the first task will be though. I'm hopeless at puzzles so I dare not even venture a guess about it, but I can't wait to see what you turn it into in Chapter 10!

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Review #11, by TidalDragon She's Who's Winsome

9th August 2015:
Hello again!

While this was a shorter chapter, seeming to function primarily to supply information and press forward as much as anything, I am always intrigued to find some unique element or tidbit in such chapters when it comes to your story. While others would be content to say, "Oh, let's move things along with this bit here," you actually tuck useful elements in.

The most obvious was clearly the end, with Ivanovic. Though obviously there's an element of formality and intensity in his character and the school as a whole, it's nice to see that (at least on the surface) Durmstrang is not going to be portrayed on the whole as cold, aloof, and unwilling to engage.

The other, is Alba's slight shift in the thinking re: others. For me, it's a bit striking that she had not considered Ben's waiting for her frequently, given how many times he (and I'm sure others) do wait on her (and do so deliberately), but I can also see where it would be easy to have the mindset that "they can always catch up" even if she gets a bit ahead at any given moment. Hopefully this shift in thinking will also translate to a more accurate weighing of herself in the world and encourage her to value those who do wait (and the fact that she CAN get ahead) more fully.

See you in the next chapter!

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Review #12, by TidalDragon Blithe Smile, Lithe Limb

9th August 2015:
Howdy! Sorry for the delay, and I know this isn't the chapter you asked for, but: (1) I kind of love your story and want to read all of it and (2) I'm awful at reviewing out of order.

First of all, I have to comment on the absolutely brilliant portion where you laid out all this Ravenclaw lore. I thought that was beautifully done for three reasons: (1) it allowed you to expertly weave in Alba's emotions without the reader feeling overloaded by an emotion-dump following the previous chapter, (2) it gave voice to the diversity that can actually be found in Ravenclaws despite the stereotype that it's the "house of nerds", and (3) it added a very believable, ritualistic element that has likely existed since the dawn of the house to the rich tapestry of Hogwarts lore, but managed to make it feel authentic to the house itself. Oh. And I forgot a fourth! It did a great job to explaining to those who may not be aware, exactly what cerebral palsy is.

From the characterization perspective, I also enjoyed the very beginning and Alba's attitude toward the knocker :p

I'm interested to see what happens between Alba and James, and where the truth really lies about the Goblet. Was it perhaps James's diabolical girlfriend who put Alba's name in? Ben? He looked disheveled... Intriguing indeed.

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Review #13, by Panda Weasley  There's a Girl I Know

22nd July 2015:
Wow, I really slacked with this review didn't I? This chapter has been out for a while and I haven't reviewed it yet! As you know I absolutely love this story, and this chapter was no exception.

There were many parts I loved about this chapter, and I was going to tell you specifically all of them, but that would be way too long of a list. I think what really stood out to me the most about this chapter is how you were able to jump between several scenes, and they all meshed together very well. The way that you weave minor points throughout the chapter really brings it together. The score keeping and the crossword puzzle are excellent examples of that.

I also really enjoy how you have an element of humor that balances out all of the moods. There are parts that are sad, stressful, worrying, and then there is always a little one-liner or a funny scene that balances it out. I really enjoyed the humor with James and the Weighing of the Wands ceremony.

That said there were also many places where I noticed typos, or places where it looked like you changed a sentence and forgot to change a word. I think it would be a good idea to submit a beta request because this story is really excellent, and small errors like that can be distracting and take away from the story. I would volunteer, but I really don't have the time right now to make a long term commitment. I do have a little free time right now though so if you want me to give you feedback on a specific chapter I can do that.

'The woman's voice was like the turn of a page, soft and yet full of the promise of something more, “Beautiful, absolutely lovely. Ebony, you’ve got a strong will in you."' This is my favorite line in the chapter. I love the imagery in this one simple line. The way you describe her voice makes me able to hear it clearly. It reminds me of a tv show I watched when I was a kid. I forget what it was called, but it was set in a rainforest and one of the characters was an old tortoise. I remember her being like a grandmother to all of the other animals, and her voice made you instantly know that she was wise and made you want to listen to what she had to say. I picture Mrs. Zauberstabe's voice being like this. In general all of you imagery is beautiful. I always get a feeling when I read these chapters that I know exactly what you are describing.

Overall I thought that this was another very well done chapter. I can't wait for the next! We get the results right? It's stressing me out not knowing how she did. See you next time!

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Review #14, by Tonks1247 Don't Wish, Don't Start

13th July 2015:
WHAT IS THIS!? Okay, so, James having everything under control better not have been him putting her name in rather than his. Like, seriously. I know he would figure the chance of her being picked is low, as pretty much everyone including Alba thought, but it would be impossible for her to be picked if her name wasn’t put in. So he better not have done. Though that then leads to a question of who did. Which gives me Chandra, but I wouldn’t really peg her as the type…and Ben is missing in this whole situation…who did it?

Now that I’m spiralling through the who did it question, now it’s why and what does she have to face? It just…like…what? I cannot wait to see where you take this Triwizard tournament and where it takes Alba. Like, I’m sure she’s plenty capable but depending on the tasks at hand….well, I’m interested to see what’s going on. It’s really stuck in my head and bothering me…

Trying to move on to before that point…Ben is an interesting character. I kind of adore him but question what he’s trying to get at. One minute he’s kinda acting fine with Alba, the next he’s kinda Jealous of James spending time with her and trying to make deals to get the same treatment, only to throw the whole thing off again. And he’s missing from the table at the end and just…I really need to read more to find out what’s going to happen!

Favourite quotes of this chapter:

“Do not take entering your name into the Goblet of Fire lightly. There will be no withdrawing, and the road ahead of you will be incredibly perilous.”

“So, when I want to help you, you can hold my hand... like James.”

“I pick you up when I want to hold you.”

This really was a lovely chapter! I’m going to aim for maybe one more before the end of the night, but I’m losing steam on reading so we’ll see where I end up. I’ll (hopefully) be back tomorrow or the next day if not later tonight with another couple reviews!


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Review #15, by Tonks1247 Sudden Heat

13th July 2015:

So, uh, I’m gonna start by apologizing for how long it’s taken me to get on to this next chapter. It’s been on my list to read and review and I apparently just haven’t been making much progress on any of the stories on my list…BUT! I am here now, and am hoping to either get through most of the posted chapters, or all of them, in the next couple of, here we go!

Once again, this was a lovely chapter. You offered up some plot points, advancing things with the arrival of more of the schools. You also give some good character backgrounds. Chandra with OCD? That actually kind of makes sense in a way, with her behaviour, but I do worry about how the upkeep with that will work. I mean, it’s good and it makes her character more complex, but just make sure to be watching it and keeping it believable, especially with her being a Quidditch Captain and all. As you have it presented now, I think it’s quite well done, so just keep it up!

I am quite excited to see how things unfold from here. I’m excited to see if James actually does put his name in the cup and who gets picked to compete. The curiosity is killing me because obviously someone has to be picked and it has to be significant to Alba and James, and I wouldn’t think Alba would go in for it, as she’s already denied doing that…

Anyways. Fantastic chapter. I’m going to have to go cook dinner before the next chapter, but rest assured…I will be back. xD

Here are my favourite lines, before I go!

“Apparently the bad taste was genetic.” (And as a side note, Clam is a little better than Oyster, and they’re both terrible if raw. Cooked makes them a little better, but I agree with the assessment…nasty stuff… xD)

“The ship was beautiful, in the way decrepit old houses are.”

Great job!

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Review #16, by Sam There's a Girl I Know

16th June 2015:
Brilliant piece of work - worth checking every day for the update! Try not to take so long next time :D

Author's Response: *blush* Every day?? Goodness, talk about dedication! Well, as this chapter was double the length of all the others, I've decided to blame it on that. +] I am so glad that you liked it, and thank you so much for leaving a comment.

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Review #17, by moomoo She Wins Him

15th June 2015:
Really good.😊😊😊😊😊😊😊👶😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Author's Response: Haha, didn't even know you could have a smiley in a review. Thanks! So glad you liked it!

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Review #18, by Tonks1247 Sudden Silence

15th June 2015:
Okay. I did another chapter. Definately could not help it. The presentation you have of your character, and the way she is so easy to read and follow along's really quite endearing and makes it easy to slip into reading...

So. This chapter. Maude is a pretty interesting character. I feel conflicted, a bit, as I would think everyone sharing a dorm would get on pretty well and be friends with each other, but then again, in the same token, it makes sense that not everyone in one dorm is best friends with each other. It's a werid thing, as it does and doesn't make sense. I'm rambling. On topic. Maude is interesting because she does worry about Alba. She knows her routine and is used to being around her. I think it's sweet that she's concerned. ALSO. Love the John Green quote. And that whole analogy. It was a pretty solid explanation.

Also like the whole James/Ben thing going on. Thier behavior towards each other is just priceless. Also love Ben with his asking her out. And Alba with her keeping count of the rejections. And the habits of conversation they get into. Really is entertaining and makes me like Ben, just a wee bit more!

Interesting conversation she heard between Chandra and James. Kinda looking forward to seeing what happens with the Triwizard Cup. I have a werid feeling that a twist of plot will really throw me off for it...but I guess we'll see, yeah?

I had one nitpicky thing from this chapter as well: "Memorization of incantation, annunciation, and wand work, comprehension of theory, practical applicatoin, all of it was simple." Application is spelled incorrectly.

Overall, another really well done chapter. I will share a favorite quote from this chapter, in closing, because I quite liked it.

"Do everything for others they never could do for her. The idea was intoxicating, really."

Great job! Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you!

I think that James and Ben are my favorite part of this now. Haha. Ben actually wasn't in the first draft, but he kinda put himself in and I haven't been able to get rid of him since (I'm sane, I swear...)

Not going to say much about plot, or tournament, or twists... other than JUST WAIT FOR IT!

I'm glad you liked that line!

Really, it means so much to know that I'm getting new readers who are excited about the plot. Thank you so much for these reviews, I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest of it.

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Review #19, by Tonks1247 Eyes Meet

15th June 2015:

So apparently I just am going to keep reading here we go.

Love this chapter. It's really fascinating, the types of potions you've mentioned here. I'm a nursing major, so most medically realted pieces of information fascinate me. It's even more interesting to read things that are altered into the world of Harry Potter because it gives me more to think about. In this story especially, I'm amazed by the detail you have that encompasses both the muggle world and the magical world. The fact that she uses the braces and the crutches quite regularly (though she's trying to not use hte cruthces so much), in addition to the Pain Philter and the Strengthening Solution is absolutely amazing. I don't know a lot about CP but you've put in enough detail for it to make sense. Also love the details you put in about how her body has to heal itself, rather than letting magic do it, in order to prevent further issues from arising. This does mean no helpful potions and just.this is really cool and well thought out.

Other things I adore: James. Poor guy is only trying to help and Alba is just...over it. I mean, I don't blame her. I wouldn't want someone to tell me what to do. Or tell a teacher what I'm not doing. Though it definately sounds like a James thing to do! Also feel bad for the poor guy as he wanted to bring her some desserts and she's with Ben and just...unfortunate!

Also, intersting with Chandra and her commentary. James does care a lot and I think she knows or sees more than she lets on. It was actually pretty interesting that she's rude in front of James but apologizes without him around. It's an interesting build to her character and it should be interesting to see more from her.

There was one small spelling thing I found: "The metal bounced off hiss thick shoulders and he laughed more, taking the stairs two at a time in spite of the extra weight." Hiss should be his.

Overall, this was a pretty excellent chapter. I have a feeling I'm going to be going onto the next one yet tonight...but we'll see! Great so far!


Author's Response: Haha, you're so cute!

I've spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, so I knew that I'd need to do a lot of thinking before I decided on a treatment plan for her. I'm glad that you approve!

It's good to hear that you haven't just written Chandra off. I do have plans for her, and she is a deep character with a lot of internal motivations.

Thank you, thank you!

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Review #20, by Tonks1247 Hands Touch

15th June 2015:

I was just browsing through the recently updated stories and decided to read a couple of the stories that looked interesting. I can honestly say I have not seen any stories that include a disability at Hogwarts. I don't know if it's because I haven't looked or I don't tend to read a lot of fan fiction (the downside of being in school...), but I thought with this opening chapter, you've done an amazing job.

First of all, Alba is a really interesting character. I like how you went about introducing her character. She's obviously very strong and determined to do things. You also speak of her disability in a very effective manner, describing her difficulties and abilities in good detail.

I also like how you brought James in. Children are so innocent to the world and don't see a need for pity or to be rude about things. The fact that James was instantly able to see Alba for herself and brought himself to her speed to chat and become friends. I like how thier friendship has matured, in that six year skip. He still cares for her the same as he always has and I'm actually curious to see more of his character. This whole not playing Quidditch is not something I've ever seen of his character...

Also, the fact that Alba and James have this thing that James isn't aware of...or just Alba with her crush on him. Definately cannot wait to see how that developes or changes over the course of the story...

There was one small thing that I noticed in this chapter: "Her forehead as pressed against the cool glass, a nice change from the muggy interior of the compartment." as should be was

Overall, I quite enjoyed reading the opening chapter of this story! It was an interesting find and I'll have to come back and read another chapter soon!


Author's Response: I'm so glad you found it and enjoyed everything! Writing about someone with a disability was a big decision, but I'm so glad I made it. I really think that it adds a moral to the story that some pieces don't have.

Thank you so much for leaving me a line, it means a lot to wake up to THREE new reviews. +]

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Review #21, by Roisin Hands Touch

5th May 2015:
WHAT?!?! We did a swap FOREVER ago and I could have SWORN I reviewed this and then going back to read responses COULDN'T FIND IT! AH! Then I double checked reviews for this chapter, and NOTHING. Wow, I must seem like the worst ever person right now! I have no idea what happened or why, but OK LET ME FIX THAT NOW!

Anyway, I also have experience with disability, and so I really appreciate the way you portrayed this here. You do a great job of making it something she's accustomed to, yet still a very present concern. That's a difficult toggle, and even very excellent stories about medical issues sometimes don't manage that (like, I love John Green, but he's very inconsistent about Augustus' ability in TFIOS). Throughout though you do such a good job of inhabiting the perspective. The sort of 'sh-- happens' perspective toggled with 'I CAN DO IT MYSELF.' Very familiar to me.

You make a really good point, too, that James would be under a lot of expectation to try out for the TriWizard Tournament. I FEEL LIKE I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND IT EXCITES ME :D

And the device with the crossword puzzle was excellent. Really cleverly executed throughout.

Oof, Chandra though. Bit of a piece of work, that one. I can't imagine watching someone on crutches fall and then replying "EWE."

Also, SNAPS for Alba's quippy one liner at the end. SO GOOD!

Author's Response: Bahaha! That's ok. I don't mind.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the balance, I really didn't want to put people off with a lot of jargon, but they need to understand her capabilities and situation.

Thank you so much for this great review, I'm so glad we did the swap however long ago. +]

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Review #22, by Somebody She Wins Him

23rd April 2015:
Great story! I want to read more!!! This is my first review ever.

Author's Response: Wow, what an honor! Thank you so much. Hopefully next chapter will be up soon, it's a big one!

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Review #23, by Panda Weasley  She Wins Him

12th April 2015:
Loved this chapter, as always! I love your imagery and Alba's spunky character. I think this chapter was well written and moved the story along perfectly.
I noticed in several places you put an extra letter at the beginning or end of a word and it completely changed it. For example "bus" instead of "but", and "she" instead of "he" (I saw that one in several places). I think if you have someone else read over it they can spot those for you.
I know this is a short review, but I don't have a ton of time so hopefully I can make it up to you with the next chapter. Maybe. We'll see. Excellent work! Love the story!
~Panda Weasley

Author's Response: The next chapter is HUGE! I really hope you like it. I feel like you will hold me responsible if the story starts to slip. Haha!

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Review #24, by Panda Weasley  She's Who's Winsome

9th April 2015:
Oooh yay! Two new chapters! I came to read the one I knew I missed to find to my delight an extra one as well! I really liked this one and I think it was a good chapter to introduce characters and plot details. I'm interested to see the two Durmstrangs develop. I'm predicting that their characters are going to be interesting.

I found a few small spots where there seemed to be a comma missing or something. For example in the sentence "Alba didn't press for an answer as she went to get the medication" it sounds like Alba went to get the medication, not the nurse. These are just little small things that aren't super important, but you might want to read through again and see if catch any others. That was really the only technical thing I found, everything was really well written.

I especially liked the quote: "Her eggs and toast were blurry, buried in question marks". I'm not really sure why besides the fact that it made me laugh. I liked the imagery you put into that. I also really liked the way you described the two Durmstrangs. I think there personalities and character were portrayed very well.

I guess that's it for now. I have to get back to work, so I'll have to read the other chapter later. I will definitely review it when I have the chance though. I really like this story.
~Panda Weasley

Author's Response: I'm always so excited when you review!

Thank you for your critiquing. My hubby and I read these things so many times, it's hard to catch the little stuff.

Thank you again for reading everything and leaving me so many wonderful reviews! They really do make my day.

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Review #25, by eunoia Hands Touch

4th April 2015:
Hi, I'm here from the BvB thread!

Usually, I avoid certain Next Gen stories especially those concerning James and an OC because usually they are really similar. But this is amazing! I was drawn in by your summary and this first chapter did not disappoint!

Alba already seems like an awesome character. I've never read about a character with a disability in Hogwarts before and I think you've done an excellent job of writing this. I like how Alba's disability is a part of her but it doesn't define her and hasn't completely taken over her life. The repetition of her mantra, stand tall is a very powerful and I'm really looking forward to learning more about her.

The only little typo I caught was centure instead of century. Other than that I think you've got a really solid first chapter here and I'm intrigued to read more about Alba and the Triwizard Tournament!

I really enjoyed this first chapter and I'll definitely be back to read more! :)

Author's Response: This is my second (?) attempt at next gen, as I'm much more comfortable with pre-trio stuff, but I think it turned out nicely! Glad you agree!

Thank you so much for reading and leaving me a line, it really means a lot.

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