Reading Reviews for Stand Tall
  
39 Reviews Found

Review #1, by milominderbinder Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

13th February 2015:
i am so so SO in love with this story! i've just read it all in like an hour and i'm addicted - your writing is perfect, alba is one of the best OCs i've seen in a long long time, the whole plot with the tournament is just brilliant. this is a terribly short review but i just wanted to say how amazing this is and i hope the next chapter is up soon!!

~Maia xx

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Review #2, by TidalDragon Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

11th January 2015:
I don't think you have any need to worry about the balance in this section. You're exactly right that it IS imbalanced on the whole, but I think that makes sense. As they say with good writing - sometimes rules must be broken - and I think that's the case here after Alba's gotten the shock of her life. Honestly, I thought it was quite clever the way you revealed her magic to be more potent than most might expect through the stories about her retaliation against pranksters too.

I assume from the canon character question, you're referring to McGonagall, so I'll focus on her. I will say that I think the degree of guidance she appears to provide in this scene read rather above-and-beyond for the character, who often reacted to difficult situations for other characters in canon with a more sink-or-swim attitude - certainly where rules forbid much assistance as well, as she's a stickler for them. But the actual interaction itself seemed very appropriate to me. I think you got her mannerisms across very well and most importantly you revealed who McGonagall is beneath that tough exterior - an ultimately kind person who cares deeply for the students at the school.

In a tiny punctuation point (and keep in mind this is purely a personal, stylistic preference), but I think when you offset solitude (re: the old ink closet) it would look more natural if the offset were evenly spaced on both sides and you went with the trusty em dash. The only other thing I noticed in that vein was that you wrote "Champion" instead of "Companion" at the end of the McGonagall conversation.

Hope this helps!

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Review #3, by crestwood Sudden Heat

7th January 2015:
It's been a while since I've read this story. I didn't realize there were new chapters up that I'd missed!

Your description of the experiences of a non-able bodied person at Hogwarts is so thorough and tactful. It gives such a different perspective on place that we all know so well and I think that a little bit of diversity can never be bad, especially because fanfic tends to be about the same kind of traditionally beautiful, able-bodied people over and over. Alba is a breath of fresh air for sure.

I laughed out loud at the line about things that you have to get used to in order to like being a form of Stockholm Syndrome. I wish I would have thought of that myself :P

Oh wow, a character with OCD. I don't see that often. I've got a slightly different kind, so I can't quite identify with how she reacted to mud on her shoe, but allow me to drink out of a dirty glass and the world is ending. So yeah, I like that you've added in that bit.

I really love this story. It's so unique and well written and honestly intriguing. Thank you so much for the swap!

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Review #4, by hokiechick Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

31st December 2014:
Hi again! I came back for the latest chapter, I was so excited to see it updated!

So at the very least, I hope Chandra finds out what James did. She's going to feel really stupid about yelling at Alba. She's a very insecure character in general, and I hope she gets some kind of treatment to be able to control her condition and grow as a person.

Alba's choices for Coach are pretty good. Neville would also be a great mentor to Alba because he got bullied a lot in school and I'm sure she's going to be the target of a lot more criticism now that she's a Champion.

Potter is definitely out for Companion. At this point I don't see how she can forgive his betrayal, but I'm sure you have something in mind for repairing their friendship later on. Both Ben and Maude would be great Companions, but I'm not sure Maude will want to make the huge sacrifice of time for a casual friend. Unless there was another side benefit for her, like it helps her get a job or into another program of study after graduation.

Your characterization of McGonagall was great, especially with the biscuits. Alba did exactly what I would have done right after that situation (hide, think, cry). Good job with this chapter, I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you're this invested with such strong feelings! It's really, really good to hear!

Ah, yes. Ben would be a good companion, BUT he isn't old enough. There's an age restriction on that too. I can't wait until you find out the whole team!

Thank you so much for these reviews! They mean quite a bit.

Until next time


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Review #5, by TidalDragon Don't Wish, Don't Start

31st December 2014:
Hello again! Sorry for the delay - it's been mayhem recently as time off work does not relieve me of parental responsibilities, but here I am!

Honing in on the areas you wanted feedback on from your request, I thought you maintained a decent balance between the different elements at your disposal. Though it was a bit more dialogue heavy than some previous chapters until the very end, I didn't think that detracted as, in a way, it highlighted the thoughts running through Alba's mind that much more.

Speaking of those thoughts, they certainly stayed consistent with the character you've developed and I think they furthered that development in some respects. Most interesting were the ongoing consideration of Ben and where that will end up, along with the comparisons Alba continues to make between him and James.

The moment that seemed OOC to me (for now) was James putting Alba's name in the goblet. Admittedly right now it's not certain that's what happened, just what Alba suspects, but if he really did it...I just don't know. I can see where James would believe that her name would never get picked and that by him putting it in it could save them both, but at the same time, given who his father is he HAS to know that unexpected things can happen when the goblet's involved and if he's ever been a real friend to Alba I just don't see him even taking the chance. Then again, perhaps you're about to reveal more about him to us...

Regardless, I did think the chapter flowed well and had an appropriate pace and I can see where the goblet (quite an interesting instrument) could pick Alba regardless of her apparent limitations. I had a feeling that's where the story was headed anyway, even with the clever introduction of the Guide and Companion clause. I'm interested to see who gets those roles too.

Hope this helped!

Author's Response: Haha, no worries. Parenting is as time-consuming as it is fulfilling.

I'm glad the dialogue didn't detract. *whew* I tend to make people overly talkative when I don't pay attention.

James is an interesting one, and I plan on developing his character further soon. I'm having trouble deciding on what should come where, and my chapters keep covering less than I'm hoping, but oh well.

Thank you for the review! It's always great to hear what's on track and what seems a little off. Until next time!


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Review #6, by Panda Weasley  Wishing Only Wounds the Heart

31st December 2014:
YAY A NEW CHAPTER! I have to tell you that I love this story and I was worried it was going to be abandoned. When I saw on the forums that you had updated it I was so happy! I didn't have time to read it right away though, which is why I'm only reviewing it now.

First off I love how you show all of Alba's feelings. I think you characterize her very well. I love her smart, brave, and spunky character and I hope that I keep seeing it shine. I love her confrontation with Chandra; I think that she handled it very well.

I also love the plot and flow of this story. I think this chapter flowed very well and showed everything that needed to be showed. It moved the plot along at just the right speed. I thought this chapter was really good!

I noticed one little thing that was a little off though. Near the end you mention that it was Neville who got Harry through the 2nd task. That's true.in the movie. In the books it was Dobby who did all of the help. This is fine if you are basing all of the facts off of the movies. If you are doing a mix of the books and movies it might get a little hard to follow. That's your choice though. I personally prefer the books but that's me. Not you. :) Just something you might want to think about.

I didn't read super closely for grammar or spelling mistakes, so I guess there weren't any too glaring. Either that or you are an awesome editor. That's probably it.

I really hope that you keep working on this story, because I LOVE it! I'm sorry this isn't a very good review.I just wanted to let you know that I'm reading the story and I love it.

Hope you are having an amazing day!
~Panda

Author's Response: I'm glad you're so excited about it! Hopefully I keep you interested.

OH MY GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!! You're right! Wow. I'm blushing so hard right now. And it slipped past me AND the hubby. Wow. Yeah, I need fix that.

I'm so glad that you let me know you're reading it. I need the encouragement. +] And it was a lovely review.

Until next time!


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Review #7, by Lululuna Don't Wish, Don't Start

15th December 2014:
Back again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

Ahh, the Ben moment at the beginning was so cute! I loved how Alba is realizing that she might have a crush on both him and James, and how well they get along and are comfortable around one another. I especially liked her comment that Ben would probably carry her up the stairs even if she didn't have CP because it definitely seems like something he would do. Also, the way Alba rationalizes something like romance is so funny and typical of her character. :P It's like it can't be real until she's used logic to work through it.

Speaking of though, how the heck has Hogwarts made it this long without having some sort of accessibility services??! What if a student was in a wheelchair and couldn't physically climb all those stairs? I know that Alba is very determined and might not even accept help if the castle itself offered some sort of special stone escalator or what not, but I wonder if the school could help her out with getting around if she would let it.

Okay, jumping back a bit here... I thought the explanations of how the Tournament has evolved with the Guide and the Companion makes a lot of sense. It fits that they would want to not only make it less dangerous, but keep people from cheating as the Tournament Harry was in was pretty corrupt.

AHH I KNEW JAMES WAS GOING TO PUT HER IN!!! I totally suspected that when he was so insistent about dragging her into the circle and holding her hand. Or maybe it was someone else (Ben?) who put her in and James' weird behaviour was a red herring? Hmm, well James seems more likely to me at the moment. I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions, maybe he wanted to put her in so she can prove to the school that she can do anything, but it feels like forcing somebody to do something that scares them without their permission is going too far. I'm so curious to find out who put her in now!! Ahh!!!

Really great chapter!!! :D

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Review #8, by Lululuna Sudden Heat

15th December 2014:
Hello!! :) Here (finally!) for your second of five prize reviews for the Beatles challenge. Real life really took advantage of me these past few months but I'm on break now so should hopefully be able to give you your prizes. Not to mention that I love this story so always excited to return to it.

One little comment: I found it a bit jarring that Alba's name wasn't mentioned in the first paragraph and it just said "she." I feel like that's the kind of thing that's easier for readers to notice than for writers so might be something to add in if you come back for an edit. :)

I liked how we got to see more of Chandra in this chapter and how it made her more likable. I liked how she was bonding a bit with Alba at the dinner table, and her having OCD is really interesting. I think it's great that you're showing diversity and representation not only through Alba, but her schoolmates as well, and it feels very authentic. As usual, you do a really good job showing how Alba has to make sacrifices and be mindful of her body's specific needs, but not making her whole identity and life revolve around it.

Alba's such a well-rounded character too. I think the way she reacted to Chandra's panic attack showed how she can be a little judgemental too, but how she still tries to see the most in people and be empathetic. That's very relatable.

Is it weird that I'm potentially shipping Alba and Albus?? He just seems sweet, if a little overshadowed by James. But I love the way the brothers work together and are such good friends, that's definitely fitting with my head canon especially if they're a year apart. And the names "Alba" and "Albus" are just too perfect to ignore. Hehe.

Hahaha, Krum!! I'm so excited that he's here - such a charmer, too. I like how he has such fond memories of Hogwarts, his feelings towards it reminded me of Harry a bit actually and how iconic Hogwarts is as both a symbol and a place in their minds. I'm so excited for the Tournament too, and what mischief the other schools might stir up.

Also, so funny to see Krum is still popular with the fangirls! Haha.



Couple typos I noticed (I know I like it when people review my stories and point these out so it might be helpful :P):

smart and cool." James answered - Should be a comma in the dialogue tag.
"Oh yeah!" Jam exclaimed Missing the last part of his name. Though Jam is kind of a cool nickname. :P
a better vantage point. He pointed to tops of Missing a quotation mark when his dialogue ends. Also I think it's supposed to be "the" tops.

Awesome chapter! I'm so excited to see what happens next. ♥

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Review #9, by marauderfan Sudden Silence

14th December 2014:
For our review swap!

I am so glad this reminded me to come back to this story as I really loved reading the first two chapters.

I still feel terrible for Alba every time I remember that she has to go up and down all these absurdly tall tower stairs to get to and from the Ravenclaw common room/dormitories. Come on Hogwarts, it's the twenty first century and I think they should work on accessibility. Like what if there were a student who didn't have the use of their legs at all? As is, there's only one way to get into those tall towers and that's stairs. Gah! /rant.

A single thread in a tapestry cannot know itís worth, -- ooh, I love that!

I can also instantly relate to Alba as 'the cat lady'. We gotta stand together, us cat ladies. Ben does seem really sweet though! I hope she gives him a chance.

Ah, I love that Alba wants to be a healer. Given her background and her personality it's a perfect fit - then she can help others stand tall. :)

I like Maude, even though Alba seems convinced they're not friends past academic acquaintances, Maude does seem to genuinely like her and it's nice to see Alba having friends.

just a note, you say Alba is really into astrology and then go on to describe the study of the stars, the class at Hogwarts - however Astrology is like horoscopes/sun signs, etc, whereas I believe the one you're talking about here is Astronomy.

I liked that we got a bit more info about Chandra at the end of this chapter (even though Alba was eavesdropping... tsk tsk! :P ) and their discussion about the Triwizard cup. Also.. ahh! the Triwizard tournament is returning! Well that should be interesting.

Can't wait to find out what James is up to, because he's obviously up to something haha. Awesome chapter and thanks for the swap!

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Review #10, by macpp Don't Wish, Don't Start

8th December 2014:
Just read the whole story, really enjoyed it!! Nice to find something original for once :D please update soon...

Author's Response: I certainly will thank you so much for commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #11, by casa_bella Don't Wish, Don't Start

7th December 2014:
What!! Love this, update soon!

Author's Response: Will do! Glad you dropped a line!

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Review #12, by hokiechick Don't Wish, Don't Start

5th December 2014:
Wow! I am in love with this story! It's not something I would have expected to find, to read, or to enjoy so thoroughly. But just like Alba herself, it's overcome all the things that might work against it to be something truly amazing.

What a bold decision to write about CP. It's something from the muggle world that I never saw as fitting in with the wizarding world, but you've addressed that so seamlessly in so many ways. The wheelchair, the potions, navigating all the stairs. Of course Alba is friends with a lot of the portraits at Hogwarts, she spends much more time in the halls and on the stairs than anyone else! Just wonderful. I can tell you've put a lot of care and thought into the characters and what their lives are like on a daily basis.

Sometimes, with such great character development, you don't see a plot emerge. It's just a story about the daily life of a character and nothing really happens. Obviously that's not the case here. I was so mad at James for risking his friend's life, and I think his dad would be more disappointed that he did that than if James had just entered himself.

In any case, I love your story. I think you've done a wonderful job so far and I hope you continue to post more chapters. Thanks for sharing this gem.

Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW!

I've sat by and watched the read count go up on this last chapter while crickets go off in my head from the lack of reviews! I was worried the plot seemed too predictable or uninteresting, and it's good to know that isn't the case.

I'm glad you got my point with the portraits! +] I didn't want to come right out and say it, but you're exactly right.

And yes, I'm sure Harry would be much more upset with James for his trickery than if he had just entered. The question is will Harry find out. Haha.

I certainly have a lot in store for it, I hope you come back again! +]


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Review #13, by Infinityx Hands Touch

4th December 2014:
Hi, here for BvB!

First of all, I am impressed that you're writing about cerebral palsy. You've done such an amazing job at capturing Alba's feelings and problems in this first chapter. This is the first story I'm reading of yours and I'm absolutely in love with your writing style. Alba's personality shines through so strongly and with just the little bit I got to know from her in this chapter, I love her already.

She loved when children asked about her. They were so astute, so ready to learn about the things they didn't understand. She preferred their honest curiousity to the gawkers who slyly tried to hide their interest with furtive glances and hushed whispers to others.
Those sentences held so much meaning to them and they really touched me. Just beautiful.

James seems like such an amazing friend. I love how you've brought in their first encounter and the way he's been a solid support to Alba throughout the years. And Alba is just such an inspiring, strong character. I mean, slipping and then rating it on ten. That was just such a normal, casual way of talking about something serious and that small detail gives so much emphasis on how cerebral palsy becomes such an inherent part of the person's daily life.

I totally ship James and Alba already. I hope that works out. At first, I thought Chandra would be a nice person if James really likes her so much but after her comment in the carriage I've decided that I thoroughly dislike her. It's gonna take a lot for me to change my mind so I'm interested to see how her character will progress through the story.

I also love that Alba's a Ravenclaw! You've totally brought out her cleverness through her quick thinking for the crossword. It's also sad that she has to climb such a tall tower, poor thing. :(

Loved this first chapter! You've done a brilliant job of setting the stage for the story and I'm definitely going to keep following this one. :)

Author's Response: It was a big decision, but I'm glad I decided to tackle it. I'm glad you think I've done a good job!

That's exactly what I hoped the six out of ten would convey! Haha. I guess you'll just have to wait and see about Alba and James.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the lovely review!


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Review #14, by ScorpiusRose17 Hands Touch

19th October 2014:
Hi!

I just wanted to start off by saying that I was reading through a section on the forums and saw that there was a story being written about CP, so I had to stop by and read it.

I really enjoyed this first chapter and getting to know who Alba is as a person. I think that is something that people forget is that no matter the disability the person is still them. She voices that when James mistakes her for a robot. I really liked that part. Kids and the innocent things that come out of their mouths. :)

I love and admire Alba's determination. She wants to prove herself. I like how she can joke about the serious issues like falling "6 out of 10" She just knows it happens at times and James is super awesome for not being afraid to stay behind and help her. Ego is something I always expect from James, but I am happy to see it deflate a bit when needed.

I look forward to reading more of this story and how your character deals with their disability in the wizarding world. CP is something near and dear to me as well as someone special in my life suffers from its effects.

Have an awesome day!! And keep up the awesome writing!!

-SR17 :)

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad you decided to stop by!

I also have someone close to me with CP. It's nice to hear that you enjoyed my portrayal. Thank you so much for the lovely review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as much as this. +]


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Review #15, by Lululuna Sudden Silence

29th September 2014:
Hello! :D I'm here for your first prize review for the Beatles challenge.

It's nice to see Alba's circle of friends expanded a bit and I liked her interaction with Maude and the latter's concern for Alba. The bandaid explanation was great as well in explaining not only to Maude, but to me about Alba's potions. It's really great how you weave in her everyday interactions with how she's always conscious of having Cerebral Palsy and its impact on even the smallest things. I thought the mention of her fear of falling and breaking her wand was especially poignant since it would be so disappointing and inconvenient for a witch to break her wand yet could happen so simply.

Unlike most of the girls in her year, Alba actually liked Maude, though their interactions were generally strictly academic. This sentence confused me a little as I wasn't sure if it meant that Alba disliked most of the girls in their year, or that most of the girls in their year disliked Maude. Maybe both? :)

tapestry cannot know it's worth I think this should be "its"? Also this was a great line and kind of reminded me of something Dumbledore would say. And the goblet of fire coming into Alba's life is so exciting and adds such a suspenseful future for the story. I like how James is quite down to earth about entering the tournament, though his yielding to Chandra is intriguing as well. Somehow I got the suspicion from his wink to Alba that maybe he was going to enter Alba's name - hmm. I don't think he would be that sneaky and he's pretty protective of her safety so maybe not, but it did seem like he was up to something.

I actually love how Alba wants to be a Healer. She would be a good one too, since she already knows so much about her own medical treatment and has a passion for communicating to people about medicine like we saw with Maude. But that being said I liked how you focused on the difficult aspects as well with Potions and Herbology. I wouldn't have thought of that but it fit well with how people accommodate disabilities in the Muggle (our) world.

Great chapter, I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #16, by academica Hands Touch

14th August 2014:
Hello, I'm here from the Claw Review Battle!

The idea for this story looked so interesting that I couldn't resist popping by for a review.

I loved the first part of this story. I thought you wrote Alba's struggle beautifully, and it seems like you've done your homework or at least spent time observing people who actually have her illness, because the way you talked about her behavior made perfect sense based on people I've observed. I especially like this part: She loved when children asked about her. They were so astute, so ready to learn about the things they didn't understand. She preferred their honest curiousity to the gawkers who slyly tried to hide their interest with furtive glances and hushed whispers to others. Maybe it's because it's what I immediately thought or would write if this had been my story, but it seemed so poetic.

I also really loved Chandra's maturity. Again, I think that's what you'd expect from a girl who has already had to endure so much in her short life. Even in the first part of the story, when she was eleven, she handled herself so well, and it only seemed to get better when she got older. It's clear that the disability is a central part of the story, and yet Alba doesn't let it be her whole story. She's very likable and inspiring in that way.

Oh, Chandra. We just can't keep her around. Every potential partner has to pass the best friend test! Hopefully James will figure that out soon.

Nice work! I hope to come back later for more :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: I have a dear cousin with CP, so I do have a rather personal tie with this story. I'm so glad you enjoyed that part! I knew it needed just the right words to come across the way I wanted. It's good to hear it did.

Hahaha! Chandra is interesting. Thank you for such a wonderful review!


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Review #17, by Veritaserum27 Sudden Silence

12th August 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for the BvB review battle - and so excited to see more chapters to this story! It is really riveting and well written. Yet again, you continue to seamlessly illustrate the daily struggles of Alba's disability without making them the center focus of the story you're telling, but also without glossing over the fact that she must deal with this every minute of every day. (Sorry that sentence was so long.)

The other feat you've managed here is nothing short of genius. Alba is a completely flawed character in her own right. I find myself getting frustrated at her periodically because of her stubbornness and low self-esteem.

I'll admit, I was confused in the last chapter why Alba didn't have any close friends other than James and Ben. It seemed odd to me that she didn't have any close girl friends. After seeing the interaction between her and Maude, it is obvious that she pushes people away. Maude clearly sees Alba as a friend - or wants to at least - but Alba insists that they are only academically acquainted. If I've interpreted this wrong, please let me know. I just find it hard to believe that after six years at a school of generally nice people, she doesn't have a single close friend who isn't James. She even keeps Ben at bay. I think the only reason she doesn't do this to James it that he simply won't let her. We see this in the interaction at breakfast. Alba tries to use her Ravenclaw intellect and logic to make it seem like James is overstepping his bounds and insulting her. He doesn't fall for it and pushes right back.

Poor Alba, she really has chosen two buddies with serious lack of manners! I laughed at those parts - especially when James seemed offended by Ben's belch after he had his own display of shoving food in his mouth. It is really sweet that he is so protective of Alba.

And Ben is so sweet too! Alba really should go out with him - he seems like such a great guy.

What's this about Professor Pimbly warning Alba about the Triwizard Cup? Do I sense some foreshadowing? That would be really, really amazing! This story just got way more interesting! (It was interesting before, but all the possibilities are running through my head right now.)

I really liked the interaction with Nurse Wainscott. Here we get to see Alba acting like a typical teenager, complete with an attempt at manipulation and a display of dramatics when she doesn't get her way.

And again, we see Alba eavesdropping on her best friend's conversation with his girlfriend (yet another character flaw - bad Alba!). It appears that Chandra has her own demons - she is living in the shadow of some fairly impressive older siblings. James, in his usual self, is trying to encourage her to not let that get in the way of her being the best she can - the same thing he does for Alba.

And that wink at the end -ooo! Ok, so I don't know if you like predictions or not, but I have one and you don't have to respond to it if you don't want to. I think that James and Chandra's "deal" of putting their names into the cup together is going to have a twist. James is going to put in Alba's name, thinking that she will never get chosen... but you have much, much more planned for these characters, don't you?!

Awesome story!

Beth

Author's Response: You totally get me (and Alba). She does intentionally distance herself from people, and the only reason James has managed to get close its because he refuses to let her do that to him. Ben has been hanging in there for awhile, trying to break through the cold shoulder she tries (and fails) to give him. Is it odd to say I hope she gives him a chance too? Haha. Honestly, Been didn't exist in the original plans of the story, so I'm not sure if he gets his way out not. I guess we'll find out together.

I'm so glad you like nurse wainscott. I thought she might come off a bit too much like a re-hash of Molly, which certainly wasn't my intention. So it's good to hear the interactions are enjoyable.

I LOVE PREDICTIONS! So keep them coming, though you will get no help from me +) I'm a big predictor too.

And yes. ALL THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!

Now that my crazy is showing, I think it's time to thank you for such a lovely review and following this story. It's quite encouraging, and I hope you like the next chapters as well.


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Review #18, by marauderfan Eyes Meet

22nd July 2014:
Hello :) I read the first chapter of this a few weeks ago, so now I'm back for another chapter!

This was just as good as your first chapter! I felt so badly for Alba in the beginning - of course James is just trying to do what's right, and Alba does need help for her leg, but poor thing to have to regress so far with her treatment. :( Her analysis of feeling like a number/a list of injuries instead of a person was really moving, too.

I loved the feast though, particularly the fact that Hagrid is still there, along with Grawp! Haahaha I can't even imagine Grawp 20 years later, like does he actually talk to people now, or just grunt and say 'Hermy'? haha /tangent

I'm also impressed with your writing of Chandra so far. I was really hoping she wouldn't be so one-dimensional as she appeared in the first chapter, so it was really nice to see that she does indeed have redeeming qualities - she might speak before she thinks sometimes (like in the first chapter) but she does care. A much more complex character that way ;)

The scene with Ben and Alba: adorable. Loved it so much. And ooh, James is jealous ;) Sidenote, what is he doing at the top of Ravenclaw tower with desserts? he went all the way up there just to see Alba? aw, that's cute.

Great chapter!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you came back to read some more!

No, I have some plans for Chandra, it wouldn't do for her to be one-dimensional. And James has standards. Lol. It's so good to hear from you! Thanks for the lovely words.


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Review #19, by TidalDragon Sudden Heat

21st July 2014:
Howdy!

After some well-done character development we're starting to drive straight into the plot. In some ways that's a positive thing. In other ways, it wasn't.

Starting with the positives, we advanced back to the point where the focus is not so much on Alba's healing, but what she is going to DO in the story. You've set her personality up very well to achieve great things in the face of adversity, now we can move toward her actually doing them. We also got closer to the cup, which means you'll be able to flex your muscles (and your readers' attentions on some action scenes).

As for the negatives, advancing while covering various issues impacted your descriptions and drill-down on characters as dialogue became more prominent. You didn't suffer terribly from this, but I'd weigh up skewing the balance just slightly toward a little less dialogue.

Overall, I think the pace remained fine in chapter and provided we get to that "cup spitting moment" soon you'll be right as rain overall too. I thought the ending was sound. Tossing James there right at the end of the wedding conversation is at least an excellent teaser, though if the plan is for James/Alba to be endgame it may come off a bit too literal in retrospect.

As for your A/N questions you've given us plenty to think about. Chandra continues to add some new dimensions, but I worry that this OCD addition is contradictory to her character. You almost explored that possibility on your own through the chapter and I'm interested to see how you keep it believable. As for Ben...he's fine I suppose. Not my cup of tea particularly as I tend to find happy-go-lucky people rather irritating (but that's probably just me). Perhaps give him a little struggle to deal with and he'll round out nicely. I'm not shipping anyone just yet, but I'd walk a finer line if you want people to really wrestle with it. I know if I had to write a story where a pairing was also an important hanging plot point throughout the story, I'd probably struggle too, but I think the key is to make Ben, Chandra, and James as realistic and balanced as possible. Then it will come together for you and if you get loads of readers you might have them debating ships in the end.

Another thoroughly enjoyable two chapters! Again, PM me if you've got any questions!

Author's Response: This is honestly, my least favorite chapter. Haha.

I've always had a problem with over doing the dialogue, so I'll keep a look out for it. Thank you for mentioning!

Ha. Didn't ever realize that I'd done that. I'd meant to continue, but realized that I'd written a little more than I normally did for a chapter and decided to split it in two. That seemed as good a place as any. +]

I do have a plan for Chandra. +] I have a pretty good idea of how to keep everything in check and explain it (through examples) throughout the storyline.

You and Alba seem to have the same opinion of Ben. +D As of right now, I wanted the tone between Alba and Ben to remain friends, so I'm kinda glad to hear that you aren't shipping them. I hadn't originally intended for him to be a character at all actually, he just kind of interrupted a chapter, and after that he just wouldn't go away. (I'm not crazy, I swear...)

I'm glad you're liking it so far! And I probably will PM you here once I get back trudging through chapter 5. I've got a few other things, (fics and RL) to get in order before I start back on it again though. +] Thank you so much for these, really!


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Review #20, by TidalDragon Sudden Silence

21st July 2014:
Hello again!

I was glad to see this pop up in my thread as I really enjoyed it last time! This chapter was no different.

I continue to enjoy the way you continue to contrast Alba's inner strength with her physical weakness and the new obstacles that you present based on her condition. I think the way you've handled the latter has been unobstrusive, but still impactful (like Alba's contemplation of the extra danger of going down versus up the stairs).

Honestly, I don't feel that the story is dragging at all. You've introduced the characters believably and taken care to show us different interactions they have with one another rather than putting a certain aspect of their dynamics on repeat too frequently. For example in this chapter while we see more of James (II)/Chandra, we see Chandra differently, as a talented witch with a supportive boyfriend, but some confidence issues about the competition because of her family history. The emphasis is less on the relationship and more on the character, which I think is nice sometimes. That also segues nicely to display James (II)'s determination to live distinctly from his father (and presumably others who came before him).

See you next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm so glad to hear the pacing is well, as sometimes I'm afraid I focus on the trivial too much. (Not to mention I read these things over and over again, so I suppose they start to feel old.)

I'm glad that the little details about Chandra are coming out to make her more of a character. I do have some big plans for her, so I wanted there to be more 'juice' to her character. The bad impression was to make readers dislike her, since Alba dislikes her, but it was all on a superficial level. As Alba gives her chances and gets to know her, I want the reader to do the same.

Thank you so much for these reviews! I've requested a beta, but no one's bitten, so these are particularly important to me as I try to keep up the quality.


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Review #21, by Panda Weasley  Eyes Meet

19th July 2014:
Hello!
Oooh I sense some trouble coming! Loved this chapter! I think it was brilliant how your thought to have a character with Cerebral Palsy attend Hogwarts. I think it's an interesting way to show what someone who has a disability has to go through to achive tasks that are easy for other people. I love how you are bringing awareness to the disorder through fan-fiction.

As much as I loved the chapter there were to small errors. The first one you say House Cups, I think you mean the House Hourglasses. The other one was a small typo. You wrote tforget instead of to forget.

All in all I thought this chapter was really good. I loved all of it!
~Panda
B vs. B

Author's Response: Woo hoo!

Thank you so much. Yes! Hourglasses! Gah. I need your keen eye +]


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Review #22, by Panda Weasley  Hands Touch

19th July 2014:
Hello!

I loved this first chapter and can't wait to read more! I love your array of characters and the personalities of each of them. I can't wait to read more!

There was one sentence I had to re-read a few times though. "boney limb that served as her right for moment before continuing." I think you probably just forgot a few words but for me it stopped the flow of the reading to figure out what you meant. I loved everything else though especially the very end with the carriage.

Excellent work! I'm adding this to my favorites!
~Panda Weasley
B vs. B

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I certainly have a lot in store for the characters. Hope to hear from you again!

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Review #23, by crestwood Sudden Silence

17th July 2014:
Hello again!

I like the character of Maude. I know she's not quite a friend of Alba's exactly, but it's nice to see her interacting with someone other who seems to be her only two friends.

The way James acts towards her is so cute and protective. I wish they'd just get together already, especially since I am totally rooting against him and Chandra. I don't think it was right for her to pressure him into submitting his name at all.

Ben continues to be amazing. I love that he's completely fine with Alba's rejections and shifts right back into friend mode as if nothing ever happens. He and James didn't seem to like each other much, I wonder why that is.

This is just so engrossing. I don't even find myself critiquing your writing in these reviews. I feel like I'm just having a conversation about these characters, as if we're chatting about the happenings at school in real life. Such a great chapter! Can't wait for the next :)

Author's Response: Yes!! That's how I feel too, lol. Maude is nice. I think she's really the only feminine influence Alba enjoys, though she really is too private to be considered a close friend.

James is such an endearing soul, even if he does get on my nerves sometimes. Lol. Ben is amazing. I feel like he's my little brother.

Yay! I hope that you enjoy the following chapters as much as the previous ones. And, as always, thank you for a wonderful review. It is so encouraging to get feedback.


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Review #24, by G Sudden Silence

16th July 2014:
Silly james, succumbing to peer/girlfriend pressure. I feel for poor Alba, James just doesn't seem to be listening to anything she says. I really enjoy your story, it's definitely very different to any other james/oc I've read, its very creative. Update soon please

Author's Response: Haha. Yes, silly indeed. He is a bit hard headed. Thank you so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed it!

I actually just submitted the next chapter to the queue, so in the next 3-7 days, it should be up! Thank you so much for reviewing and letting me know that you liked it!


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Review #25, by crestwood Eyes Meet

15th July 2014:
It was close, but this chapter may be even better than the first. Alba takes her 'Stand Tall' mantra very seriously. I love that she wants to handle her condition by herself, but I'm still glad that James realized that she did definitely need to go to the Hospital Wing. Her monologue about the disconnection between Healers and patients was incredible. Extremely powerful writing there. People often kind of create characters with disabilities that have no traits besides their defining one, but you've avoided falling into that trap,thankfully. Chandra apologized, but I'm still too sure if I like her character quite yet. Ben seemed really awesome from his scene here. I wouldn't be too upset if Alba ended up with him honestly. You give so much information without info dumps and I just love what you've done so far with this story!

Author's Response: I'm glad I'm keeping up with your expectations! Sorry it took me so long to reply, for someone reason it wouldn't ever post my response. (Hopefully it does this time...)

I like Ben as well! He's kinda growing on me.

I'm so glad you like!! Thank you for such a lovely review!


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