Reading Reviews for a slow shattering
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lovegood27 mirror thrown to the ground

20th March 2017:
I saw you made it into the final round for the Nargles, and decided to check this out since I don't read enough of inclusive stories anyway :)

Oh my God, this was amazing...I've never read anything like this before.

Poor Lavender. If it had just been a werewolf attack, maybe the effects wouldn't have been so bad. But you had to go and kill Parvati in a horrible way *sobs* and now Lavender's stuck as a "crazy girl" :( Very little information is given about what happened after the Battle of Hogwarts, and this is a very interesting take you've done here.

I've never done it before, but I can imagine writing about insane people isn't easy, but I think you've pulled it off really well here. Personally, I thought Lavender was a very believable character and her thoughts were written in a lovely style, so I could get a glimpse of the reasoning behind her actions (though I'm not classified as insane so I wouldn't know completely ;) )

And honestly, this was so emotional as well. There's me with my heart going out to Lavender, because poor girl! Then there's also me hating Dave for not letting her go to the funerals. PARVATI WAS HER BEST FRIEND I MEAN SERIOUSLY.

Anyway...I loved the style this was written in. I was intrigued by the title of this story, and it honestly did not disappoint. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter- well done :D

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Review #2, by AbraxanUnicorn mirror thrown to the ground

17th March 2017:
Hello! I'm here to check out your story as one of the nominees for HPFT's Nargles awards (Most Inclusive category).

Oh wow. This is one very effectively written story. From the wording to the actual structure of the piece, it really creates an impact.

I can see why "A Slow Shattering" was nominated in its category, mental health being one of those huge topics that people are generally not comfortable discussing openly, yet the majority of us will be affected by one or more of its branches during our lifetimes - either directly or indirectly.

I did read the whole story, but as I only have time to review one chapter atm, I thought I'd concentrate on this first one.

Poor Lavender. Not only does she have her own personal experiences to deal with, she is also having to live with what she saw and the aftermath of the war. On top of this, the healthcare professionals in charge of her case don't seem to be taking her seriously. I think this story is bang on point in terms of how people with psychological/emotional disorders are sometimes treated by society.

It's the things like soup/food choices being taken out of her hands, and the post-traumatic experiences (the doughnut, for example) that, for me, make this story so vivid and real, and provide so much depth.

Really thought-provoking and disturbing to read. I thought it was a fantastically-written piece. The only thing I would pick up on is why doctors and not Healers as it's set in the magical world?

Best of Nargles luck :)

Brax X

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Review #3, by MargaretLane voice as thin as spider-silk

31st March 2016:
Really like the first paragraph. You can sort of feel her apprehension and confusion, as the doctors ask their questions.

That doctor's reaction to her saying "magpies" is pretty unprofessional.

Love the reference to Parvati's beauty living on.

That part about how being "crazy" completely defines her in the doctors' minds is sad, but very believable. Especially in the wizarding world, where they seem to be somewhat behind us when it comes to mental health, not that the Muggle world is exactly enlightened.

I also like the way you connect her fears to her love of Divination.

The long term effects of war on people generally seem to get written out of history. Ireland has been commemorating the 1916 Rising this week and the personalities seem to be divided into "those who died" - either immediately after the Rising or in the following War of Independence and Civil War - and "those who went on to lead the country." The idea it might have effected people long term tends to get ignored. I guess it's hard to fit into the heroism narrative. It's one thing to think somebody died to defeat somebody like the Death Eaters, another to think their entire life was blighted by it.

The reference to how badly she wanted to live during the war reminds me of something I read somewhere about how suicide rates often go down during wars, but rise afterwards.

The "d" on "doctor" when you say "Doctor Dave" should probably be capitalised because it's being used as a title.

I like her reaction to the word "survivor."

And now, I've finally caught up. Really like this story.

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Review #4, by MargaretLane dreams of fools' gold

30th March 2016:
Woops, I seem to have lost track of this story somewhere along the line. Time to start catching up now.

This may be a dialect thing, but I feel the first paragraph is slowed down a bit by more words than it needs. I'd be inclined to say something like "she's terrified, scared she'll still be in the Great Hall or her home. She's terrified the blank staring faces of her parents and little brother will be there to confront her or even worse, that Parvati will be there, sewn together in a macabre parody of her life."

You've also repeated a few words - she opens her eyes twice and you've used the word "terrified" twice.

Love the use of the word "keening".

That part where Lavender talks about how much she missed Parvati is so sad. Especially the line about how the dearest things in your life are taken away from you in nightmares.

You've misspelled "afraid" as "afriad" when she is talking about saying the names of Voldemort and Greyback.

Your portray the confusion in Lavender's mind so well. And the way the scene changes from one thing to another is very realistic for dreams.

I am really sorry for Lavender here. I hope she recovers and manages to move on with her life, but I imagine it will be difficult. She's been through an awful lot.

Sorry this review is a bit negative. I do like the chapter. The nitpicks just took more explaining that the stuff I liked.

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Review #5, by ravenclaw_princess mirror thrown to the ground

20th December 2015:
Merry Christmas. Here is a gift for the Ravenclaw gift exchange.

Wow.just wow. This is so good. The summary really intrigued me as I was wondering why she was in a room of white and now I understand. Poor girl. From the very first segment I was gripped. I love the way the first scene was written as it showed Lavenders disbelief in what was going on. Her eyes were seeing one thing, but her brain didn't want to connect it with what it meant. It's also very fragmented which shows how confusion and disjointed thoughts with everything that is going on around her.

I love how you've written this in short segments as it really adds to Lavenders confusion and disjointed reality. She is seeing things at the beginning and not understanding what is going on. She's also probably a little afraid. It must be so scary to wake up on an unfamiliar and completely sterile white room with a whole lot of strange people around you. I think I'd probably scream a bit too. I quite like the segment when she realises that he arms are bound but she wants to use them and how this becomes an all consuming thought.

I feel really sorry for Lavender. Once she's been labeled, she isn't really treated like a person anymore. She's just a patient, and everything she does in assessed, and anything not seen as 'normal' is put down to her apparent craziness. But being tied to a bed in a white room is enough to drive anyone to their breaking point. She isn't even allowed to decide between lentils and peas. She knows that she's changed; the lavender Brown from before the werewolf attach is gone.

She does get a better handle of herself as the story progresses, but you can see that it takes very little sometimes for a traumatic memory to be triggered leading to another screaming fest and ultimately, another needle in the arm.

This is a really well written piece of work. The mental battle that Lavender is facing was very believable and I could sense her internal struggles as well as the struggles with they system that doesn't treat her like person any more. The story flowed well and the use of short segments heightened Lavender's disjointed reality. I really felt like I was in her head, seeing the events through her moments of lucidness.

Awesome job. This is a great piece of work.


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Review #6, by cherry_pop94 dreams of fools' gold

12th December 2015:
Hello Emily!

I'm here for the gift thread in the common room! I read the first few chapters of this a while ago and they were absolutely brilliant! This chapter was no exception!

The magpie poem from the previous chapter was absolutely incredible. I love how you continued it here - with the tenth magpie and the gold nightmare. It's chilling, it really is. You have an incredible way with words, I can just feel everything that Lavender goes through.

I'm so nervous that Lavender's still dreaming, but the fabric comforts me, as I'm certain it comforts Lavender. I think that's what's so brilliant about this. I'm never sure what's real and what isn't. Like when Lavender woke up and saw the magpie. She may have been awake and hallucinating the magpie. She was have been still dreaming.

The nightmare with Parvati here broke my heart. I remember being left in tears after chapter three - it was just so frightening, but this was a different kind of nightmare. While chapter three was genuinely something out of a horror movie, this was much different. It was almost happy at the beginning of the dream. But then my heart was torn out again as it all disappeared before Lavender's eyes.

I absolutely adore this story and I cannot wait to read more of it! You have an amazing talent!

Happy holidays!


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Review #7, by cherry_pop94 one for sorrow

22nd May 2015:
So I read this chapter at approximately 2am yesterday while alone in my house. Let me tell you, that was probably the worst idea I've had in a while. This gave me genuine nightmares and now that I'm reading it again in the light of day, it is no less horrifying.

First, I shivered when Greyback showed up and said "Hello, sugar." It probably doesn't help that I was thinking of the movie actor saying "Hello, beautiful." Both can be such sweet phrases, but Fenrir Greyback is the most horrifying person on the planet. The way he says, dripping with this thick syrup... Shivers down my spine.

And then the magpies. THE MAGPIES. Oh god. When they split into nine and cawed all at the same time... I'm terrified of birds. I cried when I watched Hitchcock's The Birds and I was 20 when I watched it. Nine for hell... Lavender's definitely in hell, which is horrifying because she's really trapped in her own mind. But our own minds can be hell, can't they? Our minds can be prisons, creating a worse hell for ourselves than anything outside ever could. I'm wondering though, you said earlier in the chapter that there's maybe a magpie desperate to get out inside Lavender... the tenth magpie? Is she the devil? I suppose for someone living with that much guilt, Lavender may think herself to be the devil. And she's the one creating this hell after all.

But then you threw Parvati in this mix! To think, I was terrified before... Oh Parvati... that was... I just have no words to describe that. A patchwork of a person... just parts stitched back together. I began hyperventilating a little reading that bit.

This story is so amazing. I'm so impressed by the way you write, the way you can just create this world. Your words have a magic of their own. And the little ways you use things like parentheses, spacing, and italics. It's all so perfect. I remember in an earlier chapter (so sorry for not reviewing all of them), when you wrote "s l o w l y and c l e a r l y." I thought that was just so clever.

Basically, I adore this story and your writing. This was an incredible experience.

Thank you for sharing your talent!


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Review #8, by Beeezie mirror thrown to the ground

10th April 2015:
Hey, here for BvB! :)

Wow. I have a soft spot in my heart for post-war Lavender stories, so when I realized that one of your stories was centered around her, I knew that this was a story I needed to read.

I donít think Iíve ever seen a story where Parvati dies in the battle, let alone quite so violently, and that added a new level to Lavenderís state of mind and the trauma sheís grappling with, both because of the memory and because her best friend isnít there to help her recover.

The way you depict Lavender here is really brilliant - I thought that you portrayed her frenzied and disjointed state of mind perfectly. I also loved the way you drew attention to the way suddenly everything was being seen through the clinical lens of her condition - thatís a very real and very harmful thing that happens, and the fact that it makes her feel like she should be doubting herself is brilliant.

Actually, Lavenderís feelings and opinions were dismissed pretty consistently throughout the chapter by medical professionals who seem very sure that they know whatís best for her for more than she does. I felt frustrated on her behalf, because the way they were treating her was dehumanizing and counterproductive - but it was also very realistic, and Iím glad you touched on that side of mental health issues rather than making it out like everything was wonderful in the wizarding world.

There were a couple things I wasnít quite sure of, though. You refer to the people treating her as ďdoctors,Ē but if sheís still in the wizarding world (as she certainly seems to be), wouldnít they properly be called Healers? I also think you could have been a little more specific with the terms you used - delusional, psychosis, etc would have seemed more realistic to me than ďinsane,Ē even in a fairly conservative environment like this one appears to be

Otherwise, though, this was an amazing read. Excellent job!

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Review #9, by MargaretLane one for sorrow

3rd April 2015:
OK, we've already talked about this, but I had to review it properly, because it is just so amazing.

Poor Lavender; she seems to be completely doubting herself. The way she's thinking of herself as "the crazy girl" REALLY can't be healthy.

As I already indicated, when I first read this, I'd a moment's confusion as to where she was and which was real, but then the mention of it being the end of the battle cleared that up and made it obvious she is having some kind of nightmare or flashback about the horrible things she's experienced.

LOVE the part about neither side really winning. Nobody ever does in war, do they? The best you can do is prevent worse disaster, like in this case, winning prevented Voldemort killing more people or the Death Eaters continuing to torture people, but it didn't undo the harm already done.

The way she keeps calling herself a coward is so sad. There is really nothing cowardly about being afraid of somebody who hurt her so badly. In fact, the very fact she can face him at all, even in a dream, is indicative of great courage. There are parts here where her thought processes remind me of Demelza's in "Guilt."

The "hello, sugar" is SO creepy.

I love the part about her not knowing which of them smells like gut-wrenching terror. It sort of creates a comparison between his smell and her fear.

The part about her making it real kind of fits with what Dumbledore said about how things happening in your head can be real. And the way she KNOWS it isn't real, but still can't wake up must be pretty terrifying.

I thought at the end of the last chapter that she was beginning to improve, so this chapter is particularly sad. It's realistic though, as recovery doesn't just happen overnight and just because she was well enough to start seeing a counsellor doesn't mean she's not going to have setbacks or relapses.

Yikes, the part where he drags her to him is scary and the way you have punctuated his dialogue really emphasises it.

The last part of this sentence seems a bit awkward to me: "She's breathing raggedly, her voice caught in her throat, words too terrified to crawl out of her mouth into his face."

It's hard to be sure as you've now told me what it should be, but I think it's clearer now that the voice is one from outside her dream. And the fact it's the same voice that says "give her another dose" makes it pretty clear.

The way she blames herself for her family's deaths is so irrational, but it's understandable. Of course she's going to wish there was more she could have done, but even if she'd survived the battle, it's unlikely she'd have got there just in time AND managed to defeat the Death Eaters. Apart from the fact it's hardly her fault she was attacked anyway.

This sentence - "The weight in gut doesn't go away, though" would probably sound better as "the weight in her gut."

The part where the magpies divide really shows the nightmarish quality of what is happening.

And the part about their having all the power... Terrifying.

I've never heard the part about "nine for hell" in that rhyme before, but it works so well. In a way, she IS in a hell, a hell her mind has created.

The part about how everybody she loves has already died is so, so sad. I find it hard to imagine a happy ending for her, because even if she DOES recover, she's lost so much. I don't know what I'd even DO if all my family and my best friend had died and I had only just finished school so I'd no career to focus on or workmates to support me and my school mates were probably moving on and scattered across the country. Leaving school can be a lonely time itself and means that she doesn't really have anything of her old life to go back to.

That description of Parvati is so creepy. I've a mental image of some kind of living patchwork doll or Frankenstein's monster. And the idea of seeing her friend like that...

You're welcome. Was glad of the chance to read this chapter. The whole story is SO well-written, but I think this chapter is the best of all. It's hard to write that sort of disconnect from reality without it seeming over the top, but this is so believable and so sad, as well as being terrifying.

10 out of 10 and I don't give that very often.

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Review #10, by UnluckyStar57 mirror thrown to the ground

3rd April 2015:
Here for the April BvB!

Oh no... You did this to me with Daphne, now you're doing it again with Lavender... Whyyy... And also, shame on me for not reviewing this sooner. Arggghhh.

But anyway, you really address the serious issues in your writing. It's amazing how powerful these situations can be when put into writing, and putting the story in a position that the reader experiences Lavender's thoughts and feelings just impresses upon me the awfulness of mental illness and how truly painful it can be. (These are not the right words to talk about this. I'm not sure that I have the right words. I'm sorry.)

Lavender is a sore spot for me, and she's become one of my favorite characters in the past few weeks. I want her to be okay, I want her to be happy, and I want Parvati to be alive. Her thoughts about Parvati's death were some of the worst and most graphic parts about this, because to lose a best friend before your own eyes is traumatizing beyond belief. Ugh, please tell me that what Lavender witnessed was an illusion, that Parvati isn't actually dead, please tell me that.

You did such an incredible job of writing Lavender's breakdowns. The biggest one was the last one, and that was the most difficult one to read. She was fine, she was okay, and still, while I was reading it, I didn't believe it for a second. But that doesn't mean that I wanted her to break down. The screaming of "Thank you!" was absolutely raw and so, so scary. I hated it.

(Of course, when I say things like "worst" and "hated it," I mean it only from my role as reader, not reviewer. As a reviewer, I must say that these things added to the pathos and utter devastation I felt as a reader. Glad we've cleared this up.)

Throughout the story, Lavender was as much an observer of herself as the doctors were. Her desire to have control of her own actions is something that everyone feels, but people who are hospitalized because of mental disorders must feel it stronger. That point was reinforced over and over again, as the doctors continued to restrict her freedom. Even giving her lentils instead of peas, because they didn't bother to ask her, because they don't see her as entirely human... Ugh, that is so awful, and yet, I think it happens a lot in real life.

This line: "She was Lavender Brown. Lavender Brown died when the werewolf began to scratch her, and now she doesnít know who she is." Oh my god, oh my god. It really sets the tone for the rest of the chapter, especially since she woke up at the end with her hands tied again. Looking at herself in the mirror, while cathartic, proved that she is not ready for any of that. I agree with the doctor in this case, but I wish that he saw her as a human, not as just a screaming patient. :/

Poor Lavender. Listen, I really need Parvati to be alive. I don't know if that would help Lavender recover better, but I think Parvati would understand her much more than the doctors ever will.

Again, you've written something that makes me so sad and that makes me think about situations outside of my own experience, which is always valuable. It's crazy how you can write these things in such a poetic manner while managing to impress upon the mind exactly how horrible it all really is.


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Review #11, by chinaglaze one for sorrow

3rd April 2015:
Yes, powerful angst but still gripping and easy to read; brilliant images. keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad that you liked this, you have no idea ♥ I'll try to, thanks for the amazing reviews!

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Review #12, by chinaglaze a ceiling on her soul

3rd April 2015:
Excellent, great stuff. The imagery is fabulous especially your use of colour. Lavender, of course, being a colour too.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, this is very heavy on description and imagery and slightly off-kilter comparisons because Lavender is losing it a bit, I'm glad that you like them!

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Review #13, by chinaglaze mirror thrown to the ground

3rd April 2015:
This is horribly gripping, really it is. I shall read on...

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm glad this managed to hold your attention!

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Review #14, by MargaretLane a ceiling on her soul

2nd April 2015:
Ugh, that part about their crowding into the room on the full moon is sort of creepy and must have been yet another stressor for her. I know if a load of doctors crowded in to observe me in a situation like that, I'd be convinced something horrible was going to happen.

The second section of this story is so unbelievably sad. She has lost so much - her parents, her friends, been attacked and traumatised and it's very likely she experienced some degree of torture, or at least the threat of torture under the Carrows. Hard to imagine how one would deal with all that; it's just unimaginable.

And now she's doubting that she deserves to be a Gryffindor. The poor, poor girl.

Even if she does manage to recover, she'll have so much to do to rebuild her life. It seems like she has lost everybody of importance in her life, so she'll have to build a life that doesn't include any of them.

And I LOVE the relationship you show as existing between her and Parvati, and how she knows her in a way nobody else does. And the part about how there will ALWAYS be room in her heart for Parvati is bringing tears to my eyes. You just show the love between them SO well.

That part about white meaning soulless also nearly brought tears to my eyes. It's just such a sad line and a reminder of how much she's been dealing with.

I'm glad they are trying to help her though, rather than just contain her, which is basically what they seem to have been doing all along.

And it seems like she is beginning to recover slightly. I'm still not sure if she will ever fully recover or not. She has SO much to deal with. But if she can become more functional, that's SOMEthing.

Mrs. Reid seems nice. I really like the way she immediately understands how very important Parvati is in Lavender's live.

Coincidentally, I recently added a chapter to a collab chapter in which somebody (somebody with lycanthropy, actually) is talking to a Healer and he begins by asking them about their job and they start worrying they're telling him the wrong things. This has some similarities.

I love that idea about how the things she loved about Parvati are now everywhere.

And oh dear, she appeared to be improving, but then the last part makes it seem like she's sinking into denial again. It's understandable, of course, and OF COURSE, having it confirmed that her parents are dead is likely to cause her a setback. Even without existing mental health issues, hearing both your parents were murdered would be bound to affect anybody badly.

This whole story is so brilliantly written. I'm really glad it finally occurred to me to stop by.

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Review #15, by MargaretLane mirror thrown to the ground

2nd April 2015:
OK, the reviews you gave me were so awesome, I decided I really ought to repay the favour and then I took a look at your author page and was like "WHY exactly have I not read these stories before?" In fact, I checked the reviews on this twice to make sure I didn't include it in my St. Patrick's day anonymous reviewing, because stories about trauma are so much my thing.

I really like the way your capture her denial at the beginning of the story. I can totally imagine how hard it would be to believe that THAT was actually happening, that you wouldn't just wake up the next day and find everything back the way it had been beforehand.

And oh gosh, that part about how all she feels is pain is STARK. The part about tasting the metal made me literally shiver.

I like the vagueness and blurriness of the second section. It makes sense that she'd be sort of drifting in and out of consciousness, considering the level of pain she's endured.

And that last line (of that section) about how she doesn't know the destination and has no say in it is just perfect. It really shows how her life is drifting out of her control.

Yikes, that part about how she no longer knows who she is is kind of worrying, as is her inability to speak. I'm not sure whether the latter is physical or psychological, but I'm leaning towards the latter. I think the former would be preferable, as it would probably be easier to overcome.

And virtually the next line confirms that it's psychological and that she is, unsurprisingly, experiencing other symptoms of trauma.

The doctors' diagnoses is so callous. After all, nightmares and screaming would surely be within the realms of normal after what she has been through. But I think their attitude fits very well with a setting in which a young boy supposedly hallucinating about the man who killed his parents coming back to life to kill a classmate in front of him is treated as a reason to dismiss the boy and mock him and where the Longbottoms are essentially just locked away, rather than treated for their mental health problems. They do seem rather backward when it comes to mental health, so this attitude does seem more realistic than their diagnosing her in Muggle medical jargon.

It is rather ominous though. I can't see her getting the support and help she so badly needs.

Yikes, that's quite creepy, and realistic - how once people think she's "crazy", they interpret everything she does in light of that. I suppose you read of that study done where people pretended to be suffering mental health symptoms and then, when in a psychiatric hospital, found that perfectly ordinary behaviours were attributed to their supposed conditions.

And their treatment of her strikes me as more likely to exacerbate than alleviate her symptoms. Poor Lavender.

And oooh, that part comparing the jam in the doughnut to the attack again sent shivers down my spine. This story is so chilling and you portray that so well.

And her comment about how "noble" it sounds calling it the Battle of Hogwarts has some resonance here, as we prepare to celebrate the centenary of 1916, an event that has been sanitised beyond belief. And certainly, nobody knew WHAT was going on in 1916, with contradictory orders being given.

I'd be inclined to put an ellipse at the end of "you might be allowed to go, if..."

I don't think it's shallow for her to worry about the scars on her face. They're not just a mark; they are also a visible reminder, to her and to everybody who sees her, of what has happened. Just seeing them could trigger memories of the attack. And then there's the fact that how you look is part of who you are. Considering she has been changed mentally and physically by the attack, it's hardly surprising if she questions if she's even still herself.

I've thought a fair amount about this, as I have a character who is scarred during a pretty traumatic event in one of my fanfics and it is a pretty major issue for them, although they wouldn't be as invested in their appearance as Lavender might be. She seems somebody who would care a good deal about her appearance.

Oh gosh, that didn't even occur to me - where ARE her parents? There's no good answer really. I'm guessing they must have been injured or killed, or they'd surely want to be there for her, and it's hard to imagine how she'll cope with that on top of everything else she's been through.

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Review #16, by Crumple-Horned Snorkack mirror thrown to the ground

10th January 2015:
The elusive Crumple-Horned Snorkack has ventured forth from in hiding to leave you a review! One can only hide from Xeno Lovegood for so long.

Wow, this chapter. Just, wow. I am all over the place after reading this, but it's so good. I love that you've gone in depth into Lavender's mental state after such a horrible, violent attack as that's kind of easy to gloss over, but of course must have been just unthinkably bad. She's only 17 or 18 when this all happens, and after seeing her best friend die in such a gruesome way and then being mauled by a werewolf, I can't imagine she'd end up without intense PTSD after all that.

I really like what you did writing Lavender here, particularly the way her thoughts jump from place to place but are quite rational, and the disconnect between what's going on in her mind versus outside, i.e. the doctors. And the contrast between the white room and all the dark, violent images from the battle she keeps remembering. it's just phenomenal the way you wrote it.

I am very impressed, and it takes a lot for a Crumple-Horned Snorkack to be impressed, for normally we find the folly of humans laughable, and enjoy hiding from them to see how they react. But yes, I'm impressed.

And now once again the Crumple-Horned Snorkack must disappear, to lurk in the shadows of the archives once again.

Author's Response: Hello hello! Crumple (can I call you Crumple?), I have to say that I am so honoured that you ventured forth from hiding to leave a review on my story! Hopefully Xeno Lovegood won't track you from this.

Ugh, I'm sorry! Yes, I don't know when I decided to give Lavender so much thought and emotion but somehow I did, and delving into her mind was pretty scary, because you're right, after seeing what she saw and being mauled by a werewolf - there's no way that she's going to come out of that unscarred, is there? I'm really glad you think that I did that aspect of her life justice.

I'm super glad hat you like my characterisation of Lavender here! I mean, seeing as I've been lucky enough never to have had any sort of PTSD I was really nervous about how she was going to come across, or whether I overdid it, and I'm really glad you think that it was realistic and well done! ♥

Crumple, I have no words. Your compliments are simply too lovely for my mere moral-folly mind to accept, but I will because I like feeling good about my writing :D

Goodbye, Crumple! I shall drink to your good health and continued anonymous lurking, and thank you ever so much for the amazing review! ♥

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Review #17, by grednforge217 a ceiling on her soul

10th December 2014:
But my God this is gorgeous. I thought that this would be only a one shot, but glory be, there you go with more. As I've said before, you have a stunning gift. This piece only proves it. Wonderful work. Keep at it!

Author's Response: You flatterer, you. ♥ I know, I took an abysmally long time to update, I'll try to keep it from happening again! Thank you so, so much for the lovely compliments and review! ♥

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Review #18, by patronus_charm a ceiling on her soul

6th December 2014:
Hey Emily!

Wah wah wah I just love your writing style in this story so much and it just shows how much youíve grown as an author and itís so perfect and lovely and I love it. All the little sections, the detached narration style, internal reflections and the use of brackets create this sense of loss and confusion which really highlights how awful Lavender must be feeling and itís just done so well, that I could read this all day as itís so interesting and can be read in so many ways, and there needs to be a new chapter asap okay?

I just wanted to hug Lavender and never let her go whilst reading this chapter as her emotions were spot on and you couldnít help but feel sorry for her. She really felt human here and even though they all thought she was crazy and gave a few crazy tendencies it sort of felt normal at the same time but thatís expected as her parents are dead, Parvatiís dead, Lavender couldnít go to their funerals and sheís locked up in a hospital. In a way, I have a feeling thereís still some hope for her and the way that idea is just lingering away there is a really nice feature of the story.

One section which really stood out to me was a really tiny one about Lavender and Parvati and how at first there was Lavender and there was Parvati and then they came together. It was just so sweet and touching to see what good friends they were though I have a feeling thereís more lurking away there, and their friendship will be explored a little more later on.

Mrs Reid and the doctor are both really interesting characters. Mrs Reid because of the way sheís so aware of things like colours and whiteness but I guess that comes with her job as Iím guessing sheís some sort of wizarding therapist? Anyhow, it was nice to see Lavender open up a little more when talking to her so letís hope this is the start of her recovery. As for the doctor, Iím not sure whether Lavenderís natural sceptical of authority given that it was the authority who locked her up, or whether sheís right to think like that. I guess weíll just have to see.

A fantabulous chapter, Emily, and I canít wait for me! ♥


Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much! You know, not many people have read my earlier stuff (and with good reason, haha) but tp hear that I've grown as an author from someone who was here to witness the travesties I started out with, it really does mean a lot. I'm so glad everything I did worked out to contribute towards the story and not against it, because there's this constant fear that I'm going to overload the reader until they're just like "nope, she's trying too hard" so I'm so glad it all worked out!

Aw, I think she might like that. Lavender is in desperate need of a hug right now, really. There was actually a study done a while back, about how people in psychiatric institutions, would be dehumanised and treated as though they weren't human even if they acted totally normally, and their previous habits were actually chalked up to being part of their "mental disease" so I really did want to bring that out here.

I do plan to explore their friendship, or at least I hope I will sometime, because Lavender is really the author here, not me. :P

Yes, Mrs Reid is the equivalent to a psychiatrist/psychologist in the wizarding world and I think she might really help Lavender in the future if she can get through to her.

Thank you so much for a fantabulous review, Kiana, this made me so happy, you have no idea. ♥

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Review #19, by MissesWeasley123 mirror thrown to the ground

20th August 2014:
Hey Emily, here finally giving prize reviews!

First of all, this is such a contrast from what I've read of yours before! I've read your parody and then this, which is so sad and dark, it's really cool to see how diverse of a writer you really are. Kudos to you for that! ;)

I like the style you have going here. It's repetitive which makes it even more... crazy in a way. I think that shows Lavender's fractured very staccato mind and sanity so well.

You did the:


thing which I found really interesting. Again, it made a great impact and generally was a good technique!

I love this side of Lavender. I love when authors have sort of the same sort of concept except they make it their own, and you again show her state in a very fragile and yet openly descriptive way. Her pain is an open book. I liked that!

I'll wait around for an update! Great work.

Author's Response: Hey Nadia! Is it bad that I'd forgotten all about that? Haha, that meant these reviews were such a pleasant surprise to wake up to, though!

Yay, thank you! I try my best to write as wide a range of things as possible, so to hear that I'm a diverse writer means a lot! *hugs*

Yes, I think that the repetition does show how her mind has regressed a bit so she can only focus on one thing at a time and it also helps to really emphasise the important points of her life now somehow. :P

Yeah, I don't really know where that came from but I think it added to the piece and I'm really happy you found it interesting, it's certainly the first time I've done it.

I'm so glad that you do! The general response to this story has been pretty positive and I'm so glad that I managed to take something similar and make it more original.

Thanks so much for the lovely review, Nadia! ^.^ *hugs*

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Review #20, by grednforge217 mirror thrown to the ground

22nd July 2014:
OH My Goodness, this is perfect. You are a wonderful, wonderful writer. I love Lavender Brown, and to be honest, most people make her seem crazy in other fanfics, but you turning around and MAKiING her crazy (in the stereotypical sense) is so perfect. Wow. Everything about this, from the title to the writing to the concept, is just wow. Perfect. Well done.

Author's Response: AHH THANK YOU SO MUCH! ♥ ♥ You are a lovely, lovely reviewer. I never really put much thought into Lavender, and I'm not sure when I started, but I ended up putting quite a bit of thinking and love into her, and I figured that anyone who was so - I don't know how to say this, but almost childish, I suppose, in the books would suffer some really bad mental consequences after she was scarred. :( I'm really glad you found that perfect, though. Thank you so, so much for this lovely review, you amazing person! ♥ ♥

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Review #21, by HarrietHopkirk mirror thrown to the ground

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I have such a special place in my heart for Lavender stories - she got a pretty raw deal in the books, and I love stories like this about her, where she's depicted as totally realistic. Your writing style is also ridiculously good, so kudos to you.

I almost always forget that Lavender is attacked by Fenrir in the battle, because it's so brutal it's difficult to imagine. Additionally, J.K had portrayed her as such a girly girl that, although she was brave and a member of the Order of the Phoenix, this attack just contrasted horribly with her whole demeanour. Do you understand what I'm going on about? Sometimes I don't. But anyway, you've got that contrast between red blood and white sheets, and it totally works. It's really great.

Her narration style is realistic - the rhythm of it works so fast and rambling that it matches the pace of the battle surrounding her. And your thoughts would be that fast, trying to combat different spells but then also watch your friend be attacked. And poor, poor Parvati! So brutal. So vicious. Good lord. It's the same throughout though - the narration and the tone match the content and action in the story and it works super super well, so well done!

I can't even put into words how good this is, and I how much I appreciate your writing. You really make good use of repetition, dialogue, contrast, imagery, everything and it works spectacularly. So well well done!

Author's Response: Hello, Harriet! ;)

Honestly, I'm not sure when I started putting so much thought and love into Lavender, since I never really thought about her that much while I was reading the books. I'm so so glad you think this was totally realistic, as I was definitely aiming for that and THANK YOU for saying my writing style is nice! It means a lot to me. ♥

Yes, I definitely understand what you're talking about and I agree with you, the contrast between her attitude and life and the brutality of the attack she went though - it's really difficult to imagine what it must have been like for her. I'm glad the contrast btween red blood and white sheets worked as well, I believe I did bring it up quite a lot. :P

I'm really glad you think so! This was very stream-of-consciousness writing, hardly any of it was edited, and I did worry a bit that Lavender's thoughts would be too difficult to follow because youre right, her thoughts are moving really fast during the battle, trying to keep a hold on reality as chaos surrounds her, I'm happy you enjoyed it! I was definitely hoping that the narration and the tone would work for the things that were happening in the story, and I'm so glad you think that it worked! And yes, poor, poor Parvati. :(

Oh my goodness, thank you so, so much for the absolutely amazing review, I really don't know what to say to your lovely compliments except a huge THANK YOU! ♥

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Review #22, by Ravenclaw333 mirror thrown to the ground

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

God, Emily, this story is incredible.

You write the horror of Lavender's situation so well, and her trauma and her hopelessness and the way nobody takes her seriously, and her fear - her fear is palpable, tangible, terrifying in and of itself and you've done such a wonderful, wonderful job with this piece, I'm in awe.

This is one of those stories that leaves me without capability of anything approaching coherent thought, but I'm going to throw some compliments at you and hope they make sense.

Everything you write is so real. The style you use is absolutely perfect for Lavender and her mental state and reflects it so very well, adding a depth and realism and horror to this story quite unlike anything I've seen before. And the ending - when she realises she hasn't seen her parents - that killed me, it really did, because she's so alone and are her parents dead? Why haven't they come to see her? The thought of her so alone and terrified, left with nothing except these images in her head which won't go away and the scars on her face and this label - this label of crazy which just invalidates every aspect of her existence - it hurts so much. I can't even begin to count the things I love about this story but it has so much impact and empathy and poignancy and it's just a triumph, Emily, it really is. 10/10.

Author's Response: GO Ravenclaw!! :D

Oh my, Lisa, you flatter me so much ♥

Thank you so much! You know how I love to explore minor characters within canon and lavender was, like, the perfect opportunity for and ANGST FOUNTAIN to just come pouring out of my heart into hers. :P Thank you so, so much for the compliments, you truly do flatter me!

♥ You were coherent enough to make me incoherent and flailing, so I would count that as a success.

Oh my goodness, thank you thank you thank you! I do try to keep it real, and I think this especially needs strong grounding as her thoughts are a little bit all over the place later. I really don't know what to say to these amazing compliments you're throwing at me, Lisa, you have me completely lost for words so all I can really say is thank you so so much.

Ugh, I've said this so many times in this review reply, but thank you SO MUCH for this. I was so nervous posting it as it's the first time I've portrayed someone going through so much, and to hear that you really did like it means so much to me. ♥ Thank you for the amazing, amazing review!

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Review #23, by patronus_charm mirror thrown to the ground

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Hi Emily!

Wow, your descriptions in this were so chilling and horrible, Iím not entirely what to say or do. I think it was the first section and the horror of what Parvati is what got to me as that was so brutal, then there was the stark whiteness of her being in the hospital which contrasted really well with the whole story. Finally the dreamlike madness was written so well too.

Your overall style in this was amazing! I really liked how you matched your narration to Lavenderís mind as at first it was fully focused and then it grew more and more detached to show how sanity disappearing. I really liked the list of what mad people could do as itís always interesting and different when people include those, and it almost provided a bit of comic relief for the reader too.

This line ĎWhy do they call it the Battle of Hogwarts? That makes it sound noble. It makes it sound like a battle in one of the fairytales she loved so dearly as a child, made up and told to her by her mother.í That was so fab and it showed how her mind was almost becoming childlike with the way she could only comprehend things on a simple level but understand so much more than everyone else could.

The ending was so sad with the way she was crying out and just wanted to get back something which she knew but it wasnít coming back. It was just so emotional the use of italics was a really nice touch as it added so much more to the story. I really hope a new chapter is up soon as this was so good!


Author's Response: GO Ravenclaw!! :D

Hey Kiana!

Oh my, i'm so glad to hear that! This really is very heavy on imagery and description so to hear that it worked well really means a lot, thank you! The contrasts between everything here, before and after and Hogwarts and hospital and whiteness and chaos - I'm just really glad it all worked out to be enough but not too much as I was worried about overloading everyone!

Thank you! Honestly, I don't even know that I can say I was writing Lavender, she seemed to take on a life of her own and her mental state just continued to deteriorate and writing it was actually really fun and vaguely cathartic, hah.

Oh, I'm glad you liked that quote! I think, as humans, we have a bit of a nasty habit of altering history to what we think is best - history is WILDLY whitewashed, and things like war actually used to be glorified, and you can definitely see that happening here, I think, in the aftermath of the Battle when everyone's trying to say how noble everyone was and how it was a VICTORY when truly, war is a game nobody ever wins. :'(

Thank you so much, Kiana, this was an amazing review and it completely made my day! ♥

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