Reading Reviews for Obsidian Sky
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Two Equal Halves

27th July 2014:
O.K., even if I didn't owe you some reviews, I'd intended to read some of the other Drowning in Darkness entries anyway (and since I'm finally adding a second chapter to mine, today is an appropriate day to read this). Sorry for the delay with these reviews, by the way. July is a crazy busy month for me.

You really create a sense of atmosphere in the first couple of paragraphs. I love your use of sensory imagery, really encompassing everything she feels.

And I like the use of "fiendfyre" in that simile and also the one of the werewolf stalking its prey. You use language really well.

I think capitalising the "h" in "he" is quite effective here, as it almost deifies Voldemort and I think he does almost fill that role in her life. And her fear that he'd reject her touch really gives her devotion to him a quasi-religious flavour. I don't know whether you intended that or not, but I think it does fit with their relationship.

I like the way she is more angry about a woman taking her place than she is at those who are dueling against him. It shows the possessive and selfish nature to her love.

That part about how all the cruelties she suffered at his hands seem worth it almost make me feel some sympathy for her. She seems so totally in thrall to him.

And I like the way you connect the lack of love she received from her parents with her willingness to do anything that might gain his love.

Author's Response: Hi again!!

No worries, I've been insanely busy this month as well, especially with the HC, so I totally understand.

Thanks for the lovely compliments on my writing style. I definitely get a bit "wordy" sometimes, but with stories like this it works well, because it really pulls you into the scene, and I'm glad it worked out well.

I did actually intend it to feel almost religious, and it's something only one other person pointed out to me about this story. It's always sort of how I viewed their relationship, and wanted to show her selfish devotion to him. I tossed the idea of capitalizing the "h" in every sentence, thinking it might be overkill, but this piece is super dramatic, and I'm glad the gamble I took there came out well.

I've always found her such a complex character, and I don't tend to believe most people are inherently born good or bad, but generally influenced by their circumstances and situations, and ultimately, how they choose to handle them. Thanks for complimenting that, as I do imagine her parents behavior toward her probably influenced some of her decisions earlier in life, and things just sort of spiraled from there.

Thanks for another awesome review, I'm always excited to see a new one from you!

-- Fae


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Review #2, by keyty Two Equal Halves

20th June 2014:
Hi! Thanks for submitting to my challenge. Here to review your entry!

This is very interesting. Personally I think you give Bellatrix a lot of credit - making her feel ashamed of torturing and killing people. It's possible she would have felt remorseful after dying. Your take on Voldemort was interesting too. I think it's possible that after dying he would have gained the ability to love, which is what I think you were trying to show here? One thing I'll say is that I was confused when he started to change his appearance. I didn't realize he was Tom Riddle at first, so I would suggest making that clear at the start. You have some great word choice though. For example, I love the line "Iíve held my seat for so long, cobwebs have bound me to it, growing thicker with each passing day, like chains that I could never break free of"
Overall I enjoyed the read :)

Thanks again for your submission! The results should be up within the next week.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!!

I definitely had fun writing this piece, even though it was incredibly difficult at times. Switching the tenses at different points in the story was super challenging, I kept trying to go back and change them, before I realized that I meant to do that.

I tried to portray the two different sides I see of Bella. I can see her being a better version of herself given different circumstances, but then again I kind of see how she became who and what she was. I don't think she'd necessaerily feel remorse for her actions as she was, but I think her "better" side might feel bad about some of the things she's done.

I've actually revised the bit about Tom's appearance, making it a bit more clear. In that instance they were each supposed to be the "better" version of themselves, so I imagine him to look more human than he does as Voldemort.

Since the vast majority of this, other than the flashbacks takes place mainly in Bella's mind/flashes in the afterlife, it was super hard to try and get everything across at certain points.

Thanks so much for the advice, and rest assured I had a beta go over this after i posted and am submitting the revisions this week. I'm glad you enjoyed some of my phrasing, that portion really struck me hard as well. I actually used a version of that for the banner request I submitted!

Thanks again for the great challenge, and the helpful review!


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