Reading Reviews for Obsidian Sky
  
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Review #1, by keyty Two Equal Halves

20th June 2014:
Hi! Thanks for submitting to my challenge. Here to review your entry!

This is very interesting. Personally I think you give Bellatrix a lot of credit - making her feel ashamed of torturing and killing people. It's possible she would have felt remorseful after dying. Your take on Voldemort was interesting too. I think it's possible that after dying he would have gained the ability to love, which is what I think you were trying to show here? One thing I'll say is that I was confused when he started to change his appearance. I didn't realize he was Tom Riddle at first, so I would suggest making that clear at the start. You have some great word choice though. For example, I love the line "Iíve held my seat for so long, cobwebs have bound me to it, growing thicker with each passing day, like chains that I could never break free of"
Overall I enjoyed the read :)

Thanks again for your submission! The results should be up within the next week.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!!

I definitely had fun writing this piece, even though it was incredibly difficult at times. Switching the tenses at different points in the story was super challenging, I kept trying to go back and change them, before I realized that I meant to do that.

I tried to portray the two different sides I see of Bella. I can see her being a better version of herself given different circumstances, but then again I kind of see how she became who and what she was. I don't think she'd necessaerily feel remorse for her actions as she was, but I think her "better" side might feel bad about some of the things she's done.

I've actually revised the bit about Tom's appearance, making it a bit more clear. In that instance they were each supposed to be the "better" version of themselves, so I imagine him to look more human than he does as Voldemort.

Since the vast majority of this, other than the flashbacks takes place mainly in Bella's mind/flashes in the afterlife, it was super hard to try and get everything across at certain points.

Thanks so much for the advice, and rest assured I had a beta go over this after i posted and am submitting the revisions this week. I'm glad you enjoyed some of my phrasing, that portion really struck me hard as well. I actually used a version of that for the banner request I submitted!

Thanks again for the great challenge, and the helpful review!


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