Reading Reviews for A Phoenix in time
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NakedTruth The Change

20th June 2014:
For the love of all that is holy, please start using commas! You should love your story a little more and give it an appropriate syntax!
Separate the ideas, thoughts and actions! Air the paragraphs a bit!
Try reading your chapters out loud to yourself or someone else, you'll understand what I mean.

I seriously recommend you have a look around the HPFF Forums, where you can apply for a beta-reader to help you with your punctuation, your grammar and spelling, etc.

Have you heard of the term 'Mary Sue'? There's a topic or two about such a character in the forums, they might interest you.
In a world like Harry Potter's, there already is a Chosen One.
A phoenix witch capable of transforming into 4 different animals (hey, at least one of them isn't a unicorn) and she's beautiful then becomes incredibly beautiful and she's just so smart, etc.. Mary Sue, Mary Sue, Mary Sue. I understand it's tempting to write about the perfect girl loved by boys and hated by jealous girls, but it's really not that fun to read about.

I'm not saying your story or even your writing is bad.
But you might want to re-think the way you package and present your work.

Btw, you can also apply for reviews in the forums and get helpful constructive criticism from warm, patient and loving people (so, not me).

It's very admirable that you're updating this story so quickly, keep doing so. It's easier to first finish a story, then edit it if you feel like it.

Keep in mind, this is one opinion among many others.
Cheers

Author's Response: Thank you for your review it is really appreciated. It is difficult to write if you don't really know if anyone really reads or likes the story.
Do you think I must edit and change the whole story or not?




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