Reading Reviews for Risk
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gabriella Hunter One

19th July 2014:
HEY!

Its been a while since I've been able to stop by and I'm REALLY sorry but I've been oddly busy these past few weeks. And my internet connection doesn't like me...

On to this! I had been meaning to read this for a while but I never really had the time so I'm glad that I finally managed to give it a read. First of all, I really love your Molly! I had never imagined her as an Auror before and I don't think its been used very much in fanfiction so that in itself says a lot about her character. She's brave and dedicated and that's fantastic for a main character--I wonder what made her want to go into that field of work? Perhaps you'll go into more detail later? Also, can't wait to find out more about this case!

Its got me puzzled! I love a good murder/mystery too so I'm going to be waiting for the next chapter. The love letter from the 1800's really captured my attention, what was that all about and who was this dead girl? How many more victims are going to come?! D':

I'll admit that I was a little confused at the very beginning but I was able to see that it was a different POV. I think you could add those in a bit smoother or blend them in better while the main story is going on but other than that, I'm really excited about this!

On my end, I'm trying to get the latest chapter of Abandon up there and after that its back to A Force of Blaise! So, hope you don't mind waiting for a little while longer. D':

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #2, by kenpo One

27th May 2014:
Hello! Here for our swap!

Since this is the first chapter, I'm going to look at your summary, as well.

I like the summary. You use a lot of sentence fragments, but it seems intentional. I'd maaaybe consider adjusting it to have complete sentences just because some readers might say "Hmm... was that intentional, or will the whole story be fragmented?"

If you can, I'd also eliminate the blank line between the banner (gorgeous, by the way) and the credit. I'd consider putting the credit in italics, but that's totally up to you.

Onto the story!!

Opener:
I like it. If I wasn't doing this for a swap, I'd read on. It could be stronger, though. You say "house" three times, so you might want to take a look at it and see if you make it even more attention-grabbing. I'm a little confused as to why it's in italics, but I'm guess that'll become more clear.

You don't need a comma in the third paragraph, between "dark bedroom" and "as"

Oooo. Who is the other person? Why aren't they returning? I'm intrigued.

Once she had packed the reports she still needed to finish, which were followed by a pile of possible cases, she stuck her wand in her back pocket, and grabbed a piece of toast for breakfast, she was out the door and on her way to the Ministry.

This sentence doesn't jive right with me...

I'm really liking the story, though. I feel like I'm being ultra-critical, but that's because it's a first chapter, and I personally like to get a first chapter to the highest level possible.

Molly as an Auror! I don't know if I've ever seen that before! Nice, fresh take on a next gen mystery!

I'm guessing that her case has to do with the italic person?

I like the way you incorporated the description of her boss in with the rest of the story. It's also a nice amount of description. I have a vague picture in my head, and I'm able to fill in the details.

Whoops! I tried to come down and leave comments as I read, but this is really interesting. One thing that I had a little bit of an issue with was that Molly knew from looking at her that she was attacked by a male. I think that sort of assessment would probably have to wait until x-rays (or... magic equivalent)

And then the date should be 2 June, not June 2.

Charles! We already knew a Charles. So is the dead girl Genevieve? Even though she as another identity?


I think this was a really good first chapter. You got right into the action, which was nice. You've given us a little bit of information, but not enough that I have any idea what's going on.

Good job!!

-Georgia

Author's Response: Hi Georgia!
Thank you so much for such a great review! Your suggestions were really helpful, and I edited some of the things you pointed out so they flow better.
I'm really pleased you liked this chapter! It's my first time writing a story like this, so I was really nervous about putting this up. The fact that you enjoyed it and that it intrigued you is really reassuring! Thank you for the wonderful review!
Cassie :)


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Review #3, by teh tarik One

26th May 2014:
Hey Cassie!

I'm here with a review for your new story, as promised! And wow, what a beginning! I always love reading a good murder/thriller fic, and yours sounds fabulous. I love that you chose to write Molly as the Auror; I don't think I've come across another fic where Molly is an Auror! Usually it's James, or Albus, or Lily, or Scorpius, or Teddy. So well done. The opening scene was written really creatively. I love the way you intersperse Molly's normal everyday life with the strange woman's life in the manor. I'm assuming that woman is Genevieve, Charles's lover? I can imagine that scene so well, like it were a film montage or something, and it provides such a striking opening to your fic.

I also love how quick you cut to the action. And this is such an intriguing thing that the dead woman would have a Victorian loveletter, especially one that references Charles and Genevieve. I can't wait to find out the connection between the dead woman and the two Victorian lovers! Always love a fic that keeps me guessing!

Anyway, I think you're off to a brilliant start, Cassie! It's great to see a new story by you, and I do hope you'll update soon. Let me know when you do. :)

-teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!
Thank you so much for reading this story and leaving such a wonderful review! I wasn't sure what people would think, because it's so different from what I normally write, so I'm thrilled that you like it so far! I wanted Molly to be an Auror because I think people tend to underestimate her and make her exactly like her father. I wanted to make her really different from him so I stuck her in the department of the Ministry that people don't really associate with Percy.
I'm so glad you liked the beginning! I wanted to get the Victorian era into the story as soon as possible, because it plays a big part in the plot, so I'm glad you like how I structured that! You're right, the woman in the beginning is Genenvieve, who you'll find out more about as the story continues.
I'm honestly so happy that you enjoyed this. It's really fun for me to write, so the fact that you liked the first chapter is really reassuirng! Thank you so, so much for such a great review!
Cassie :)


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