31 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CassiePotter Valentine's Day

24th June 2015:
Hello again!
This was such a great chapter! I loved all the craziness of Valentine's Day. Louis is such a ladies' man! That really made me laugh. Especially when he accidentally asked Lucy to Hogsmeade!
I loved that Ella's mother made cookies for the Potters/Weasleys. Also, Ella just seems really sweet and kind.
Oh my goodness! Destruction in France, an arrest, and a mysterious Dark wizard leading the group behind the attacks! This is getting more intriguing by the minute! I can't wait to find out more about all these new developments.
It was great to get back to this story for a bit! Nice job on this chapter.
Cassie :)

Author's Response: We had the idea to have Louis always be with some girl and when we started writing this we had an idea to have him accidentally ask Lucy so Molly could attack him.

I (Georgina) loved using Ella and I believe I was enjoying some cookies while writing this chapter so--that's how the cookies made it in there.

And the mystery continues on!

Thank you! We look forward to seeing you again!

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Review #2, by CassiePotter The Return to Hogwarts

12th June 2015:
Surprise! I'm back to review more of this story! I was really enjoying it while we were doing the review exchange, so I wanted to keep reading!
I loved getting some more background for Scorpius. I think it's really interesting that the Sorting Hat wanted to place him in Gryffindor first and then Hufflepuff, but he asked to be a Slytherin to appease his family. I think that tells a lot about who he is as a person. I think he and Albus could be good friends, and I loved that he apologized to Rose on behalf of his family, even without knowing what they did to Hermione. He really seems like a nice guy.
I loved the Scamander twins' little cameo! You can really tell that they're Luna's kids. It was also really interesting to read Lysander here since he's so different from my version of the character!
I'll try and get back to this story again soon, but with the house cup going on, it might be a little while before I get back here again. This was a really great chapter!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Why, hello again!

Yes, that was always our view on Scorpius. We saw him as a kid who was pretty much on his own and instead of thinking the world revolved around him like his father did, he wanted to make friends and to make friends he had to teach himself how to be nice. He's one of those people who wants to make things right.

I know, our view of Lysander was so much different from your story. But we really wanted them to be as airy as Luna so we threw them in here.

That's fine. We accept reviews any time! (who wouldn't?) ;)

Thank you so much for continuing!

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Review #3, by CassiePotter The Deathly Hallows

30th May 2015:
Teddy's back! I love that Albus tried to spy on them with the Invisibility Cloak, but that Harry caught him, because he had tried it so many times himself. I thought it was really sweet that Teddy was asking about his parents, and I loved the way Harry described them to him.
I thought the exploding eclair was hilarious! I can't believe Lily and Roxanne were behind all those pranks! I never would have guessed!
And they know what they Deathly Hallows are now! I wonder if they'll find the wand since they know where two of the three are... It also makes me really nervous for the kids since having the hallows could put them in real danger.
Overall, this was a really nice chapter.
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Yup! Harry really ought to be a pro at that by now; besides being head auror. Harry can really relate to Teddy.

That was a fun scene! I Freda wrote that originally; but it was on Christmas Eve and Lily just conveniently dropped her fork. So it was less obvious. In our Jus Another Picnic we see Lily and Roxanne teaming up to prank their brothers when they were younger, but I suppose they had chosen to forget that. ;) thanks for reviewing!

Yes it's dangerous, which is nothing new, but Hogwarts is safer at least.

Thanks for so many awesome reviews!


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Review #4, by CassiePotter Unexpected Surprises

30th May 2015:
This chapter is definitely my favorite! I feel like I've been saying that a lot, but each one gets better than the last! I really do love a good Christmas chapter, though, and this one was absolutely lovely.
The descriptions of all the presents and the cousins waking each other up at the beginning of the chapter was really great. I loved that Harry and Ginny decided to give Albus the invisibility cloak.
I thought it was great that Harry was doing all the cooking and putting on a show at breakfast!
Then Charlie came! That was a really great surprise! I don't read many stories that include him, so it was great to see him! And he gave Albus a tiny toy dragon! That was great. Again, Albus is being trusted to take care of something more than the other kids. I think it says a lot about his character.
Aw Victoire and Teddy! That's so cute! And I loved the snowball fight and big feast.
The end of this chapter was so intriguing! I want to know what happened at Azkaban! Albus is right, though. It's not a great ending to Christmas day! At least they got in plenty of fun and family time before the bad news!
This was such a great chapter! I'll be back as soon as I can for more!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Heehee. That's the measure of a good author, always making the story line better as you move along.

Half of those things were Freda's ideas, the other half of them was mine. We're glad we were able to bring them all together into something you enjoyed.

Sorry, the mystery can't slow down just because the school work did for Albus. Don't worry, it'll come to a good enough conclusion.

We look forward to seeing you and your beautiful reviews again!

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Review #5, by CassiePotter Christmas Break

30th May 2015:
This chapter was so fun. I loved the beginning when Rose came into the boys dormitory and told them off for not packing. It was very much like something her mother would do! I also really liked how the boys were all complaining about their sisters. I have a younger brother, so that's definitely something that all boys do, and it felt very realistic to me. The line about Hugo not wanting to wear clothes until he was four really made me laugh!
That was one intense train ride! I feel really bad for Rose, since she's been having bad dreams about Bellatrix. I would be really upset if I found out something so horrible had happened to my mother. But I really liked that Albus and Kenway told her to give Scorpius a chance. From what we've seen of him so far, he seems different from his family, and like Kenway said, I wouldn't be surprised if he had no idea what with his family happened in the past.
Yay Christmas! I'm excited to find out what the surprise is!
This was a great chapter! Definitely one of my favorites!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: That was one of my favorite scenes to write, especially them talking about girls. Since all Freda and I have is our Ginny, we had to use a bit of imagination to create the boys' attitudes.

Yes, this isn't the last you hear of Rose's nightmares.

Thank you again! We really appreciate your kind reviews.

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Review #6, by CassiePotter Tricks and Treats

30th May 2015:
This chapter was brilliant! I loved the Hair-Dye Mints! I think that even though Albus was tricked into eating one, that people could really have fun with those if they chose to eat them. I know I would!
We have an arrest! I'm a bit nervous for Albus since Dunstan is so angry with him. I hope he doesn't do anything to try and get revenge for his dad or something... And if Harry thinks there are multiple people behind the attacks, that means there will be more arrests at some point. Hopefully they find out who's behind this soon!
I'm also wondering why everyone immediately pinned Albus for the prank on James. To me it seems out of character for him. But I also have no clue who actually pulled the prank! I guess only time will tell!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hey Freda here again! This chapter was one of my biggest contributions to the novella. (We called it Chapter P for prank since we weren't sure where it would fall because it was written before many of the middle chapters.) It started when I was trying to think of more ways for Dunstan to tease Albus (James and Lily would fight back more) and when I listed tease material ideas, Fred and James came up and from there it nearly wrote itself. Anyways, as you can see everyone else had fun with them; Albus is just easy to prank with that family of his, plus him not being feisty.

Yup theoretically Dunstan gets nastier, but I can't remember if and how much of that we actually showed. :/ I think you can guess that there will be more developments; after all this only the tenth chapter or so.

On Albus; if you know him, you know he's not a prankster. But if you don't, you can assume wrong. But here everything else points to him, and all I'll say now is it wasn't Albus! ;) But also like Rose says James is still underestimating his little sister a bit. Lily is no baby!

Thanks so much for reviewing all these middle chapters! It really means a lot. :D (hufflepuff hug!!)


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Review #7, by CassiePotter Detention

28th May 2015:
Hello again! We got lots of developments in this chapter! Poor Albus seems like he's getting the worst tasks to do during his detentions. Pickling puffer fish eyes seems awful!
Everything with Ella's mother has me so curious! Obviously blood purity has something to do with what's going on, since Muggles are being attacked... And they tattooed her arm with the deathly hallows symbol. That's so intriguing! Is is just Death Eaters who were never sent to Azkaban or something else entirely? You've definitely done a really nice job gradually adding in details about what's happening, because I really want to keep reading to find out more!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Well, detention is bound to be bad if Stark gets to decide. I'm glad you thought his punishment was horrible (within character).

Yes, the Death Eaters are in Azkaban. Yes, the people killing off the muggles knows about the Deathly Hallows. I'd tell you more, but it would ruin the mystery!

Goodness you've made a lot of reviews recently! They've been delightful!

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Review #8, by CassiePotter The Aftermath

28th May 2015:
I'm glad to see Scorpius back again! He's one of my favorite next gen characters, so I was really excited to get a little more of his personality in this chapter. I thought it was really cool that you characterized him as being different from the rest of Slytherin house. I also liked the way he started to call Ella a mudblood, but stopped himself, because I think that even though it's a little detail, it shows the environment he's grown up in, but that he's trying to be different from them.
I'm surprised that Albus got detention! At least it was for standing up for someone. I think that you can't really blame someone for getting a detention for that.
Another great chapter! I'll be back again as soon as I can!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: We have written Scorpius in a meek but mysterious light, something you don't see too often. You'll find out more about him and his background in a future chapter. I did like including that detail about him correcting himself when he stared calling Ella a mudblood, it does give a bit of insight.

As for Stark and Albus' detention, Stark likes to give detentions. Albus just happened to get some fire at the wrong time.

Yet again, thanks for reviewing!

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Review #9, by CassiePotter Slytherin vs Green

28th May 2015:
Yay, a Quidditch match! I've never written one, but they seem like they'd be hard to write. Yours was very well done! It was exciting and Kenway's commentary was great. I was really surprised how far the Slytherins were willing to go to make sure they won! But I thought it was great that Ella got back on her broom and totally ruined Nott's plans. Onto the next chapter now!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: We have quite a few quidditch matches, particularly in this story. It's refreshing to hear you liked them. The Slytherins not only wanted to win; they wanted to teach the Gryffindors a lesson (specifically Ella, being a muggleborn). But she's a little too quick for them. :)

Thank you so much for this review!

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Review #10, by CassiePotter Hogsmeade

28th May 2015:
I loved this chapter! I liked that we got to see Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. I thought you wrote them all very well. I want to know what Ron told Rose! I feel really bad for her if it made her that upset. Hopefully no one else has died! But I have a bad feeling that might be the case...
One little thing I noticed- Rose's letter is signed "Love, Hermione," which I thought was a little funny, since Rose calls her parents Mum and Dad, and not Ron and Hermione.
Other than that I thought this was a really great chapter!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hi! This is Freda being a ninja and answering one too! Haha! ;) (PS I told Georgina it made more sense for her to answer most of them before.)

You'll find out what he told her in a little if you keep reading! ;)
The "Love Hermione" was definitely an oversight. We got into the habit of calling them by their first names (except when spoken of) way back when because there's all the mums and Mrs. Weasleys etc and we kept changing the POV each chapter.

Yay! Glad you're enjoying it! :) Thanks so much for all the reviews; it's really great that some of these middle chapters are getting reviews! :)


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Review #11, by CassiePotter Knarls and Quidditch

28th May 2015:
So we have some more developments with Harry's appearance at Hogwarts! Dementors attacking people really doesn't sound good. I wonder if it's connected to the Muggle deaths or just a freak coincidence? Something tells me it's not...
You wrote Hagrid so well in this chapter! He's one of those characters that's just so hard to get right because he has such a specific way of talking, but I thought he was spot on in this!
Great job with this chapter!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: That feeling that the Dementer attacks and the murdering of muggles are connected is called author instinct (that's what I call it anyways). Most often you can trust it, but I won't be providing any spoilers.

Freda gets all the credit for Hagrid. I tried to write him in our original draft. And failed. Needless to say, Freda was able to provide the brilliant final Hagrid conversation you can see today.

As always, great to hear from you!

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Review #12, by CassiePotter The First Day of Classes

27th May 2015:
Hello! I'm back with another review for you!
I thought this was a really nice chapter. It had a really nice flow to it, and I liked how you included little details from each class without trying to cram too much in about everything they were learning. I thought it was hilarious that Albus fell asleep on his quill, and James recommended turning it into a pillow!
The chemistry between all the characters is one of the high points of this story, I think. I love the way all the cousins interact. Molly and Lucy were too funny together!
This was another great chapter! You've got me curious since you mentioned Harry going into the Forbidden Forest!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! There is a certain balance to writing classes, especially when told from the perspective of a non-first year. We appreciate your compliments on the flow and character chemistry. Oh yeah, Lucy and Molly. I may or may not have put a lot of my personality into Lucy in that scene. Merlin was it fun to write!

Again thank you!

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Review #13, by CassiePotter The Sorting

23rd May 2015:
Hello! I'm back again for the next chapter!
I think this was my favorite chapter yet. I loved your Sorting Hat song! I've never attempted to write one myself, because I imagine they'd be pretty hard to come up with, so good job with that!
With every chapter in this story so far, I really like the way you weave in little details. Specifically with this chapter, during the sorting you mentioned different people sitting with their houses and gave little details about them, even if they weren't major characters. It made me feel like I had more of a complete understanding and picture of what was going on during the sorting.
Harry's here! And from his conversation with Lily that Albus eavesdropped on, I don't think his being here is a very good thing. I wonder what he gave her? I would be so scared if I were eleven and had to protect something valuable like that!
Like the last two chapters, this one has me curious about what's to come!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: I give Freda all the credit for that song; anything I did would look like a vampire in comparison. Yes, we tend to give a few more clues every couple chapters to keep the mystery moving despite the hectic Hogwats.

Glad to hear you're enjoying it!

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Review #14, by CassiePotter Candies on the Train

22nd May 2015:
Hello! I'm finally back again for your second chapter!
I really enjoyed this! I liked your introductions of more of Albus's cousins, and thought the little interactions between the family members were really well done. I loved the fact that you made Ginny's dialogue similar to Mrs. Weasley's in Sorcerer's Stone. That detail was a nice touch to the chapter and it really made me smile.
I also enjoyed the fact that Scorpius Malfoy came into the story! He's one of my favorite next gen characters, so I was really curious to see how you wrote him! I honestly felt bad for him when James and Fred tricked him into eating the taffy. I was glad that Albus took pity on him and got his brother to give him the antidote. I'm wondering if he and Scorpius will bump into each other again, or if Scorpius will play a larger role later in the story.
And we have some developments with the mysterious dark wizards! I can't wait to find out more about them!
This was a really great second chapter. I'll get to the next one as soon as I can!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Yeah, this is the chapter where we kind of throw just about everyone at you. We did enjoy writing Ginny as a mother, especially the similarities between her and Mrs. Weasley. You'll see Scorpius in later chapters, you'll see. Our take on him isn't exactly tradition.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by CassiePotter Parchment, Quills, and Symbols

17th May 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review exchange!
I thought this was a great first chapter. I liked how you introduced each member of the Potter family, and gave us a glimpse of each of their personalities. I loved that the three kids were trying to be sneaky and use extendable ears!
I'm really curious about who cast the Dark Mark! Is it Death Eaters or a new dark wizard trying to rise to power? You've definitely got me intrigued!
Great job with this chapter! I'll be back for more soon!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Now we've both reviewed the required amount (that doesn't mean we'll stop). Anyway, thanks for this review, this was the first fanfiction we ever wrote (it took quite a bit of editing before we posted it, after we wrote some short stories). We're glad to hear you're intrigued; that's the point of a first chapter isn't it? You'll meet the culprit later, just keep reading.

Thank you so much for stopping by!

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Review #16, by Pheonix Potioneer Justice Where Justice is Due

16th January 2015:
Right... so... I started reading this because of the Hufflepuff Hot Seat Review... and I got a little carried away... Well, that's a good thing for you guys! It means I liked it.

It's awesome that you guys wrote this starting at Albus's third year- most people start at Albus's first year and do it Harry Potter-style feedback.

Speaking of which, are you doing a sequel? Sombremaitre is still out there.

If I have one complaint, it's that I have to use copy and paste each time I write Sombremaitre. Couldn't you have made it an easier name? But it is a really cool name, so I suppose that makes up for it.

I read the little Ella Green story after I finished this- I find it great that they ended up together. I actually was thinking about her maybe being a good match for Albus before I found out it actually happened. Great job! She's a lovely girl.

I'm glad Albus and Scorpius are on friendly terms- and Harry's and Draco's reactions are golden. Just golden.

This has disappointedly low reviews! Hmm. I thought it would have more. It's too good.

I love the idea of the resurrection stone as part of Lily's necklace. That is just so, so awesome and clever.

The duel was pretty epic. Just saying.

And Dunstan is a jerk.

Wonderful, wonderful story!

Author's Response: Yay, it keep you reading! With the minimal reviews I assumed it wasn't all that interesting.

We wanted to make sure the whole Weasley clan was there, including Lily and Hugo.

We do not plan to do a sequel due to lack of time (and ideas), but we do mention what happened to Sombremaitre in the second chapter of Give It a Go.

Sombremaitre is French for DarkMaster, like Voldemort is French for FlyOverDeath.

Excellent, you saw them as a perfect couple. Albus and Ella are so adorable and their first date is also featured in the second chapter of Give It a Go if you want to see more of them. (we also wouldn't mind a few reviews on her story if you had time)

Good, you liked them. We certainly didn't want them to be best friends (that idea is so overused) but our Albus and Scorpius would get along, so we make sure they did. As for their fathers, at least we don't ship Scorpius/Rose.

Aw! You are so kind! If you really think it was that good could you please recommend it? We're kind of overlooked.

Yay, you didn't think it was unrealistically dangerous! That was something we feared would lose readers.

Epicness is our middle name. Not really, I've just always wanted to say that.


Thank you ever so much for your review! Make my day!

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Review #17, by johnc Justice Where Justice is Due

12th December 2014:
itsjust it left off without ending really. so must
left untold

Author's Response: First off, forgive me if I am misunderstanding you.

If you are referring to the fact that most of the intruders are not captured, then yes it did not technically end. In other words, some things were purposefully left untold. (Only so much can happen in one year!) This is because Albus' story continues even though this novella ends. Most importantly, in real life, there are lots of villains running amuck in the world, and no all of them are caught ever. It becomes cliche for everyone to be caught by the end of the story (like in Nancy Drew or Scooby Doo or a number of other series) and that's not realistic, so we tried to reflect that.

When we wrote the novella, we based it off of the original series; specifically the earlier years at Hogwarts. And you may notice that those books do not tie up all their loose ends at the end of each book. It may seem like less ends are tied here because the readers know the background of the deathly hallows; Albus didn't.

However you do bring up a fair point, I suppose our novella does not come off quite as conclusive as we thought it does, especially with the Dark Knights of Gaunt. (The story of various relationships between the characters in later years is expanded upon in some of our other stories.) However, to do justice to the extended story of the Dark Knights, we would need another novella, and we don't have to time to commit to that just yet.

At some point we do hope to edit this story, especially the first two chapters, and we might consider trying to make the ending a little more conclusive. However we still won't have all the intruders captured or anything at the end, because some of the loose ends should be left untied. In other words, it wouldn't make sense to have a whole movement of "new Death Eaters" swell and rise up, only to be crushed at the end of the year by a bunch of kids and maybe a couple teachers. So I don't think we'll change that, but we may consider trying to make it a bit more conclusive despite that.

Thank you for your feedback.

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Review #18, by jcon Justice Where Justice is Due

4th December 2014:
is there going to be a book after this one.

Author's Response: Sorry, but we have no plans to write another full novel/novella with Albus and the cousins. :/ But we have a few short stories about these next gen a couple years later, and we may write more of those. But we're really glad you enjoyed it enough to want a sequel! :D

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Review #19, by MargaretLane Knarls and Quidditch

15th September 2014:
LOVE your portrayal of Natalie Zane. I've gotten a feel for her character already in just a couple of lines.

And aw, I like your portrayal of Lily too. She's so enthusiastic.

*laughs* Hagrid is always a good person to go to if you want some information. He tends to let stuff slip.

And that part where he says he can't use Voldemort's name because of "force of habit" made me laugh. I think you've kept him really in character here and he is a hard character to write, in my opinion, so I'm impressed.

I'm also getting intrigued by the whole Dementor attacks part.

Author's Response: I (Georgina) really liked the name Natalia and wanted to use it in the story, so Freda said she could be a minor character. We mention her a few more times in the novella.

We envisioned Lily as the kind of person who would always has a child-like wonderment. We're glad you like her.

Poor guy. He means well.

I cannot take much credit for Hagrid; Freda usually wrote the sections with him in it, and I'm happy to hear you agree she did a brilliant job of it.

Yay! Intrigued readers are faithful readers.

It's great to hear more feedback from you.

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Review #20, by MargaretLane The First Day of Classes

6th September 2014:
*laughs* Yeah, I wouldn't have expected Rose and Albus to sign up for Divination, especially when the norm seems to be to take two classes out of five. That's hardly be one of their first two choices. Not with Trelawney teaching it anyway.

Well, that was silly, doing that Transformation in Transfiguration. Who teaches Transfiguration in this anyway? I suppose I should check back to see.

I like the part where Rose beams with pride to hear Hugo has earned his house points.

It's interesting to see how different people portray various characters. Lucy seems quite different in this than in my story. *laughs* And Fred is much older.

Author's Response: We have Rose taking three total, and Kenway is the only one of the three taking Divination.

Our Transfiguration teacher is Professor Brocklehurste, the Head of Ravenclaw and Deputy Headmistress.

That was all Freda's idea.

I love love love Lucy's witty character. We wanted Fred to be a prankster like James, so we put them in the same year.

Love your reviews!

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Review #21, by Katie Justice Where Justice is Due

7th August 2014:
This story is amazing.

Author's Response: Thanks! :)
We're glad you enjoyed it enough to read the whole thing.

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Review #22, by AlexFan The First Day of Classes

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

You know I always wondered why Harry's watch worked at Hogwarts when the amount of magic surrounding the place was supposed to make it go haywire. But I guess they made some kind of exceptions for watches since they'd need their students to keep time somehow in order to get to classes faster.

Shouldn't Kenway, Albus, and Rose all be taking Divination? isn't it mandatory for all third years to take Divination or something? I might be remembering that wrong though, it might not be mandatory because Hermione did drop the class.

Molly and Lucy, one is their fathers daughter and the other one isn't. I love how Lucy didn't make a big deal about the fact that she could figure out the passwords. It's just kind of like, "I'm a Ravenclaw, if I can figure out how to get into my common room then I'm pretty sure that I can get into yours."

Awesome fourth chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

Actually, Divination was one of the electives (like Muggle Studies, Care of Magical Creatures, Arithmancy, and Ancient Runes) that students could choose between to add in their third year. It was just popular when Harry's year took it, I guess.

Heehee that's one of our favorite sequences. :)
Thanks again!

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Review #23, by AlexFan The Sorting

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hola! I'm back again (I promise with less CC and a shorter review). While I was reading the HP books I always got confused as to how people would know which table to go to if said house didn't clap and cheer and having their own house colours hanging over them would've been a really simple way to identify them.

I loved your Sorting Hat song, I loved how it rhymed and how it summed up all four houses really well in such a short song. I was singing the entire thing in my head and bopping along to an imaginary tune.

Good luck to whoever is trying to break into Hogwarts, the place is a fortress, it would be very difficult to inflitrate the castle (unless the villain pulled a Draco Malfoy and came out of the Room of Requirement).

If I was in Lily's shoes and Harry Potter was telling me to hide a necklace so that it couldn't be found and to not fiddle with it because of powerful magic, I'd probably be asking what was so social about the necklace that someone was trying to break into a school to get it.

I loved the writing in this chapter the best so far because it flowed a lot better than the previous two. The descriptions were a lot better and allowed me to picture the scene a lot more clearly than the other two and things didn't feel as rushed as in the previous chapters so good job on that!

Author's Response: Hello again then! Don't worry about the long CC, it was still very helpful!

I thought I read once that there were banners over the tables. I could be mistaken, though.

Thank you! I have a tune in my head too, if you can't sing it, it's not a good song! ;) I'm really proud of how it turned out; I put a lot of effort into it, including dissecting the canon songs' rhyme, meter, stressed/unstressed beat patter (I forget what its called offhand), and types of attributes too. I'm glad you liked it!! :)

I guess Lily gets the impression that Harry wouldn't tell her anyways, because I don't think he would, at least right away.

Thanks so much!! :D Yeah, the first two chapters are probably a tad rocky compared to the rest. I'm glad you liked it enough to continue! :)


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Review #24, by AlexFan Candies on the Train

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Sorry for taking so long to come back for the second chapter but I was out all day. Anyway! I loved the bit with Kenway Boot and the camping trip. It put a smile on my face to read about Harry declining the invitation because he'd gone camping for so long. I thought it was a nice little nod to the books.

I don't think you had to explain what a Metamorphmagus is because anyone reading this had most likely read the entire series (or at least up to Order of the Phoenix) and would know what a person with that ability was so I didn't think that was necessary but this is your story so feel free to ignore me. Also, when you told the reader that Teddy was a metamorphmagus, it felt a little choppy to me so maybe you could work that in with something like, "Teddy had chosen to keep his hair blonde today instead of his usual eye-catching blue," or something like that. If you showed the reader that he was a metamorphmagus you wouldn't need to tell them that Teddy had that ability.

If it's been mentioned in the books then your reader already knows that, for example, George owns Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Stuff that's been talked about in the books doesn't really need to be mentioned unless it's something really obscure that not everyone remembers. Things that weren't mentioned, like who Fred was named after (even though it can be inferred) are great because then you add in a little piece of canon information that maybe not everyone was aware of.

I loved that you included all of the Weasley and Potter children in some way because a lot of fanfiction tends to focus on only the Potters and usually Rose and Hugo and very little on the rest of the family. I loved all of the information that you gave about each family member and some of Kenway's siblings but it almost felt like it was too much.

It's great that we get to know the characters but the reader doesn't need to know everything about each and every character right from the start because it's a lot of information to digest and they might forget a lot of it. And besides, you could've worked in all of the information about the characters by having them talk about classes or Head Girl duties or like Rose did, mention the Hogwarts permission slip. If you spread out all of the information throughout the chapters of the stories, it would build up the characters in the readers head and they would remember all of the characteristics and other things.

The vendetta that the Gryffindors seemed to have with the Slytherins seemed a bit out of place as well. I understand that it would take a while for the dislike between the two houses to go away but it's been like fifteen years since Harry attended school, wouldn't everyone have got over the prejudices? And considering the praise that Harry was giving about Slytherin along with Ginny, you'd think Albus would know better than to hold a grudge against someone or a group of people that have never even done anything to him. And I'm assuming that Slytherin house never targeted Albus because he was telling Lily that they were nice, individuals like Dunstan yeah but not the entire house. Again, that's just what I think so feel free to ignore this.

I know that's a lot of CC but despite what I mentioned, I did enjoy reading this chapter and I thought it was really great at getting the reader excited about Hogwarts and what would happen with the next generation. I look forward to seeing what role each character plays as the plot moves along.

This review was not meant to be this long holy cow.

Author's Response: Thanks for the critique!

Some background may help: when we wrote this chapter, we had very little idea who our audience would be, since we had yet to even find HPFF. This chapter used to be worse as far as over-introducing and over-explaining; it's improved a little but I agree it still could do with a little less mass-introduction. After we get the rest of this story and its side-stories out the door, I really hope to go back and fix this chapter. However the summer's almost over! (Eep!)

I/we had assumed that there is still a little bit of tension between them (mostly with quidditch since they're the two most competitive), but not as much as it used to be. (Such as duels just because of their house.)

Now Kenway; Kenway has an unreasonable grudge against them. It's introduced in Beginnings, AP&tSM's prequel. His reasoning is because his mum and others lost so much family to Death Eaters, which were almost guaranteed to be all Slytherins.

Thanks again for the critique! It's very helpful to us. :)

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Review #25, by AlexFan Parchment, Quills, and Symbols

11th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I said that I would be coming by to drop some reviews and here I am! I thought this story could use a little love. So I liked how you started the story right before the kids went off to Hogwarts because it was different and it helped set up the danger part of it really well.

I really love how you jumped right in with the plot to catch the readers attention and then went from there. The kids were really cute and exactly how I pictured them as youngsters, especially Lily, she was so cute and childish.

Doesn't the Sorting Hat talk to everyone though? Because when Harry was getting sorted it was kind of like it like it was talking to itself as it tried to make a decision. Unless of course you mean like an actual conversation in which case I get what you mean, that's probably not as common.

You'd think having grown up around the Wealsey's Harry and Ginny would've known to check for Extendable Ears before they started talking to one another or something but I guess you get slower with age. And I absolutely loved Ginny at the end where she confiscated the Extendable Ears, NOTHING ESCAPES GINNY POTTER GUYS!

But this sounds interesting! Could it really be Voldemort sympathizers or it could be a whole new evil and something far more dangerous. WE SHALL SEE!

Lovely first chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! We really appreciate reviews!

Lily's personality was the easiest to create, Albus was more of a problem. In the first drafts he was rather clumsy, but later we went back and changed him to be more uncertain but loving.

I (Georgina, the person who wrote that line) figured the Sorting Hat probably didn't speak to Draco, its decision happened too quickly. So I wondered who else would the hat not have to think too much on; the people who had an obvious fit in one House. James belonged in that category. It was my way of exploring the Hat a little bit more.

I always thought she didn't notice it at first because she wanted to tell Harry right away, without thinking that the kids would try to listen in. Then when she said it, she realized what had happened. No mother of three children will let something like that escape her for too long.

Our climax is in the queue now, so keep reading and you'll find out in a day or two!

Thank you so much for stopping by!

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