Reading Reviews for Trixangela Snape: Year 1
  
29 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lindslo2012 Chapter 4: Classes Begin

7th October 2014:
Hello again!
Long time no talk! I haven't had internet and luckily I do now!! :)
You have written another amazing chapter! It is getting really good and I am starting to see what might lay ahead for poor Trixi. She's going to have a hard time. I can see it now. But hopefully it won't be too bad.
I don't like how Snape is acting toward her but it's no surprise. And I am glad she is being loyal to the Gryffindors!
Hopefully Draco won't start to antagonize her too...

I like how she is different from her father, maybe she has a lot of Lily in her. I can't wait until Harry goes to find out that she is his half sister!

I can't wait to read more!

-Lindsey

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Review #2, by slytherinchica08 The Prologue

26th September 2014:
A very interesting beginning to your story! It definitely gives us the background information needed to set this story on the right track and also, as other readers have suggested, give us a lot of questions to ask, which can be helpful to make the reader continue to read on to find out the answers. I definitely have some of my own questions that I hope get answered in the future but for now, they will burn in my mind begging me to continue reading so I can find out what happens.

Overall, I think this seems like a great beginning. The characters are basically true to the versions that we know which is always wonderful to see. I felt so bad that Lily was taken from them once more and while they did get extra time with her that they would not have had, she was still taken much sooner than they anticipated.

The idea for this story is also really original, the thought that Harry was able to bring his mom back some how and that she no longer possessed any magic from that is a really unique take on things. I'm definitely interested in finding out what happened that made it so Harry had been able to bring her back as it seems like there might be something more there that will come into play in the future. Any ways, it was a great chapter and I look forward to reading the next!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I am glad you found it interesting. I try to be different from everyone else, somehow or another.

We'll find out how he brought her back, when it becomes the topic in the story :)


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Review #3, by ohmymerlin Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

25th September 2014:
Hello! I am so sorry about the nearly three month delay! I can't believe I let it go that long D:

So you've asked for opinions on the story. Basically I think this is an interesting plot idea. I generally don't like stories where characters come back from the dead and Lily/Snape stories BUT you've made it work quite well :)

However, I feel like Trixi talks way too young for her age. I really doubt she'd still be calling Snape 'Daddy'. I also feel like her knowing that Potion was a little too unbelievable especially because it was like she'd just memorised it from a textbook. Maybe if you had her reword it in her own terms, it might sound a little more believable :)

I also don't understand what Luna did to the dementors. Maybe just explain that a little more?

But I must say, you portrayed Draco so accurately, haha! Especially as he was so much nastier in the third book! You wrote that very well :P

Overall, it seems very interesting. Just work on some explanations and try not to make Trixi too childlike. Obviously she's going to be a bit childish and immature, but she's still eleven and she's going to school for the first time so she'd probably be acting a little more mature because she feels like she's a big kid now :P

Feel free to request again :) And again, sorry about the delay!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! :)

I actually wrote Trixi purposely this way, because she's been sheltered all her life and doesn't know how quite to act as mature as her peers would. You will see she is mature in other ways though; her character was well thought out, my best strength is character development :)

As far as her text book responses, this is also just her, she has memorized a LOT of potions, and she feels important with explanations like this, it helps think that she is proving herself to Snape, her teachers, and peers.

Draco, yeah, I have had a lot of help with him and other cannons, my beta Leonore has been so good with this :)

Last, the Luna thing was left that way as a mystery, and you won't find out about it until much later in the book.


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Review #4, by crestwood Chapter 9; The Tutoring

21st September 2014:
Hey! I've taken forever to respond to your request, but I'm here now!

Thomas is still a perfect, amazing friend to Trixi and my favorite character by far. I just love how innocent and sweet he is. He reminds me of what the Trio could have been like if they weren't always so preoccupied by their various schemes and sneaking off to save people. (Although I do love their schemes)

I'll tell you, I do like the group of first year Gryffindors here and their takedown of the second year a lot. You introduce these kids and I almost want to read a whole separate story telling me all about their time at Hogwarts too. That's always a good sign when even the characters on the periphery of the story are interesting enough to warrant my attention.

Dorian is a terrible person. I can't believe he hexed a little girl, that is so low of him. I think I've spent so much time reading Next-Gen novels that I've forgotten how nasty some people could be about blood status in this time period. It shows a lot about Trixi's character that she stood with her head held high and didn't fight back against this kid. I have a feeling she knew some things that could have taught him a lesson. Her dedication to pacifism is something that I was not expecting coming into the story.

Her dormmates are just SO mean to her. I can't find a reason for their extreme behaviour other than, "kids are cruel." It just seems as though no one will give her a break, for one reason or another, not even her own father. I'm glad that she told Thomas about her mother being muggleborn, I hope he's trustworthy so he can continue being my favorite!

I suppose Snape finally convinced Trixi to show the full extent of her power to Lupin. I knew she'd be able to take down Thomas with ease, but I had no clue that she'd be able to trip up her father. It's funny that she keeps saying that Lupin is clearly "sick with something." I wonder how all of this will affect her regular lessons with Lupin. Trixi is seriously skilled with magic.

I wonder when Snape will ever have a real conversation with Trixi about Harry. That seems like it'd be a significant thing to discuss with her. I suppose not if you're Snape. He seems to be avoiding the subject altogether. I did enjoy this chapter as much as the ones before it. Your characterizations are falling into place and I'm curious as to where this plot is headed. Another good chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for another kind review. My strong points are characters, and I noticed I have poor discriptions, but it doesn't stop people from reading and raving about my character developement.

I am happy to have plased you again ;) and yes, Thomas is just... sweet. It is possible for a boy to be that way, even at that age, I have met a few of them. But it's rare, hehe.

Trixi is very skilled in more ways than one, she's just afraid to use it a lot of it, after all, she hurt her only friend just last year. Even though she understood the dangers with permforming magic, she never witnessed it until then.

Yeah, Snape will eventually explain, but you know how reserved and bitter he is about anything with his life.


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Review #5, by magnolia_magic The Prologue

30th August 2014:
Hi! Maggie here from the forums with your requested review! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get here, but I'm very glad you requested in my thread. I am a Snily shipper myself, so I appreciate seeing a new take on how they might have had a relationship. Thanks so much for your patience, and now on with the review!

I really liked the way you structured this chapter, first of all. The use of flashbacks was very effective, and I like that you started off with the point of Lily's death. The initial mystery of how Harry had brought his mother back to life was a great hook--I had to read on to find out! And the scene with Snape and Lily in the hospital was very well done. I loved the moment when she put her hand on his arm to reassure him. It seemed very Lily to me. It's the little things, I guess :)

I do have one suggestion for improving the flow. The "9 Months Later" section felt a little bit disruptive for me, mostly because I didn't understand why that scene had to be set so far ahead of the hospital scene. Also, having one flashback in italics and the other not confused me a bit. I'd suggest maybe merging that "9 Months Later" section in with the first flashback somehow. Try to work that passage of time into the narrative, instead of creating a time jump. That way the whole flashback would flow more smoothly, and then we could transition out of it without confusion.

Knowing Snape as we do from the books, I can understand his reluctance to be a father figure to Harry. He's very harsh in his refusal, but I think it's totally believable. I think you did well with his character in this chapter. It can be hard for canon characters to seem believable in AU stories, but I can see the effort you put into keeping Snape in character. And I have to say I loved the moment when he's alone with his daughter. That tenderness is something we never get to see in the books, and I think he would be a doting father to any child he had with Lily. I love that you ended the chapter on that note, and I'm excited to see how your Snape grows and changes as a result of being a father.

One little dialogue suggestion: when you have Snape calling people "git" and "prat", it doesn't really seem to fit the context. To me, those words bring to mind an ignorant person, or someone who's just acting dumb. I'm not sure it's the best way to describe infant Harry? Or even Voldemort, really--I think a stronger word would be more appropriate for a mass murderer.

It might sound odd, but one of my favorite things about this chapter is the way you wrote Dumbledore. You really did a terrific job portraying him as a wise mentor figure to Snape; never judging, but instead offering sound advice, whether or not Snape chose to take it. It was very true to his character, I thought :)

I think your plot is off to an intriguing start! You covered any questions I might have had in your author's note, so I won't go there. I'm excited to see the kind of person Trixi grows up to be, and how it could complicate things to throw Harry into the mix. And most of all, I can't wait for the flashbacks of Lily with her children, and the four of them as a family. You're giving us a lot to look forward to, which is exactly what you want out of an opening chapter. Thanks again for requesting! I enjoyed this!

--Maggie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. You now gave me an idea for this that could very much work, I would think. Since I am flashing back in the past with future chapters anyway, perhaps I don't need the 9 months later scene just yet, as it's already assumed the two got married. I could squeeze the 4 paragraphs into a different chapter that covers this same topic.

I thought git/prat was okay given the fact that it's Harry. Other than "swine" I am not sure what Snape called James. But maybe I can come up with something less... slangish.

You will see a few more moments between Dumbledore and Snape, I am loving these scenes together... :)

Glad you liked it! Hope you like the rest!


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Review #6, by crestwood Chapter 8: When Snapes Collide

27th August 2014:
Hello again!

I'm glad that at least the third year Slytherins seem to be treating Trixi okay. They aren't necessarily the nicest people, but they're being decent to her when compared to the awful Gryffindor first-years.

Kian showing up again was unexpected. I wonder if he'll go on to be more important to the story? Snape is being really unfair with Trixi...still refusing to talk to her about Lily or Harry at all is terrible. She's caught him in such a massive lie and I think he should at least own up to it. Somehow, his hatred of Harry seems even more irrational in this story.

We didn't get to see a whole lot of Neil yet, but he seems to at least act civil toward Trixi and she could definitely use more friends. Hopefully he becomes one once she isn't feeling so (rightfully) upset.

This chapter was short, but effective at building the tension between Trixi and her father. I'm excited to see them butt heads some more and possibly even discuss Harry in detail. I find this premise so interesting still. I can't wait to read on! Let me know again when you've updated. Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: With Draco trying to impress his Professor, it's only right for his closer friends to support his "mission". :)

Kian.. oh yes... we will see more of him... definitely *winks*

Snape... he has his concerns. He is a father now, so he has much more on his plate now than in the cannon books.

Neil is a building character. Kinda minor like Dean or Seamus, but my goal was to involve someone from each house. I have major plans for Trixi... He'll popup here and there, but he'll mostly be other best Thomas' friend.




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Review #7, by crestwood Chapter 7: The Potions Mistress

27th August 2014:
Hey! I'm back with more reviews for you :)

Trixi's thoughts about Harry being her half-brother are great. It must have really come as a shock to find something like that out and it's awesome to see her process it. And it was funny that Thomas would think that she was drooling over Harry because of her new-found interest in him. I really like Thomas' character in general. He's the only OC that hasn't been terrible to Trixi and I'm glad we get a bit more time with him in this chapter. I hope he becomes a more important part of this story as time goes on.

Trixi's knowledge of potions is thrilling to see in action. I rarely read stories here where people put as much effort as you to make their potion ingredients and procedures actually make sense. I'm glad you add in those small details to allow the story to keep that bit of realism. I also appreciate the small bit of canon thrown in with Draco's injury.

There were a few typos. I caught two:

In the sentence "The hate between her father and brother were mutual" were should be was.

And in the sentence "but the majority of them just would justnod or grunt a greeting. " it should read just nod.

Obviously not very big deals, just stuff that slipped through the cracks.

Another good chapter!

Author's Response: Woot! You reviewed! Awesome! Thanks so much!

Thomas will be more involved than Severus, I believe. He's Trixi's best friend :)

I also love Trixi's character and her love for potions! Trixi is just so cute (even if she doesn't have the looks) :)

There will be more cannon references too, so stay tuned!! :)

Thanks for the typo notices!!!


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Review #8, by Ribbons The Prologue

20th August 2014:
There is so much canon-twisting wildness in this prologue...I don't even KNOW where to start! I can honestly say that I have never read something like this. Ever.

I liked it, I thought the idea was intriguing and the plot full of potential, but the characters were a little difficult, especially Snape, for a few reasons.

First of all, Snape is very unlikable as a person. He doesn't care for Harry, and acts very selfish and unkind to everybody and everything. The question I really want to ask is how Lily ever agreed to marry him (and have a child with him) after she was awoken from the dead.

I mean, the love her life had just DIED for goodness sake, how did she ever let Snape...? Also, how can Snape have the same opinion of Harry when they've been together an entire YEAR? Does he still dislike the boy after all this time? And how can Lily allow that?

These are all questions I'm dying to have answered. I really do believe that this story has the hopes of being something thoughtful and great, but I really want some of those character/plot questions ironed out.

Keep up the good work and don't let my long and blundering review bring you down!

MUCH love,

Alena

Author's Response: Glad you found it interesting, your questions will be answered in later in the book (and maybe even in the series) :)

I don't want to spoil it at all :)

I do hope you continue reading though


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Review #9, by simplelullaby The Prologue

8th August 2014:
Hey! It's simplelullaby from the review forums finally here with your review. Sorry it's so late, I've been away from my laptop for a couple of days!

Okay, first off DISCLAIMER! I'm definitely not an expert with AU fics, Snape/Lily fics and the like. I do enjoy canon a lot more, and James/Lily a lot more, but even saying that I did like this chapter. It's a very interesting premise.

Technically, there's nothing outstanding per say, there's just a few formatting issues, a few points here and there where your word choice seemed a little strange (aloud as opposed to out loud etc). It's definitely not a big deal, and someone less nitpicky than myself probably wouldn't pick up on it, but maybe look at getting a beta just to tighten it up a little?

Characterisation wise, we really get to know your version of Snape very well, staying in his POV throughout the entire chapter is a really great move. I find that especially with AU it's better to gently introduce your readers to the world instead of thrusting straight into the story. You kept your chapter constant by sticking with Snape throughout the chapter, that's really great!

My one gripe with characterisation, perhaps, would be with Lily. Throughout the chapter I found myself asking why would she marry Snape so soon after James dying? Why didn't she even grieve a little bit? I'd say explain Lily's motivations a little more, maybe explain some more of Snape/Lily's relationship prior, answer why if she did in fact love Snape then why did she go with James? How did she forgive him for telling the Dark Lord of the prophecy in the first place and leading to James' death, and putting her son in danger?

Also, and this isn't particularly necessary, I would like to have had more development of Snape/Lily/Trixi/Harry as a family. It would be great to have seen how they worked as a unit, especially how Harry and Trixi interact as brother and sister. Did they love each other? Hate each other? Was Harry a very adorable big brother?

Ooh I did like the plot. You obviously know what's happening and you can't wait to tell us all. Your chapter had a very clear beginning, middle and end, and as I said before sticking with Snape was quite a good move. It did move pretty fast, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. To beef it up a little, perhaps address that too-much-dialogue you've been told of, add a little description here and there, little bits and pieces that make your story come alive. Especially focus on adding a little more setting description, that stuff is rarely used but adds more to a chapter than almost any other area!

One big glaring plot hole I couldn't seem to wrap my mind across was how is Harry alive? We know that Lily's sacrifice was what protected Harry against the Dark Lord's curse, but if Lily is resurrected surely that protection is at least diminished. You've created a really interesting story, with Harry bringing his mother back to life and the like, it's very unique and original and I am interested in what happens next.

To answer your questions of concern, I'm very interested in the plot. It works well as a first chapter because it gets me interested! Flow-wise it goes through pretty fast, but maybe back in edits if you beef it up more with a little more description then you'll be golden. I think I addressed everything else above here and there.

There you have it. Again sorry for the wait, hope this was helpful!

Keep Writing


~Aimee~

Author's Response: Thanks for you WONDERFUL review! I want to let you know that I have intended to include chapters that walk the reader into the past, addressing most of the issues that were concerning you. In fact, there's one already validated (Chapter 6), if you care to read it. You should see a lot of improvement between this chapter and that one. :)

I LOVE the past chapters I am writing, and as you said, I can't WAIT to share them. The story is mostly about Trixi though, so most of the POV of view would be from her! But we do see some of Draco's, Lupin's, and even an OC or two's.

REALLY appreciate your thoughts! I hope you will read more!


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Review #10, by crestwood Chapter 6: I'll Be There For You

7th August 2014:
This chapter made me feel a number of different things. First, I loved seeing Lily and James together. Something about the way you wrote them here was incredible. Missing moments like that are always some of my favorite things to read. That scene from Lily's point of view was a great cold opening for this chapter.

Snape and Lily's relationship here is awesome and I love that she doesn't like disrespecting House Elves. That seems like an opinion she'd have and reminds me of Hermione as well. Also, the anti-kidnapping spell was really interesting, as well as the way Snape accessed his photographic memory. I think you've done a great job with the flow of this story and again, the dialogue is good in my opinion. This was a really good, even if unexpected, chapter. Thank you for your request and feel free to re-request when you've uploaded more!

Author's Response: I am not REALLY a James/Lily fan. I just... after what I learned how he was in school... It irritates me. I had similar issues when I was younger, and I just don't understand how people can be so cruel. That boy would have gotten a few bloody noses if I were there!

But, Lily loved him, and I love Lily, so I must accept the choices she makes. They were incredible together, I admit. James (when he's not a bully) has an excellent personality (Black too). Everyone loves jokesters. They can brighten someone's day in no time flat.

I couldn't see Lily taking too much advantage of a house elf, she was independent, and with the lost of her magic, I could see her becoming more irritated that she couldn't do a THING for herself anymore. Not to mention, Lily is just kind(would Snape fall for her if she weren't? Probably not), and a lot of house elves end up being mistreated (at least the ones she would have known).

Anti kidnapping ward, yes... I love making up spells, it's one of the most fun things about writing a story in this world. More will come!



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Review #11, by crestwood Chapter 5; Moony and Moody

7th August 2014:
I don't notice any abnormal amount of dialogue here, but I think that has to do with the effectiveness of it. If the dialogue was terrible then I'd probably suggest that you balance it out with some description, but your dialogue is quite the opposite, so the amount works just fine for me. I think Trixi and Snape had excellent conversations and bounce off of each other well.

Actually this chapter thrived on conversations; between Trixi and Snape, Lupin and Snape and Trixi and Lupin. They've all got such rich personalities and converging histories that it keeps me interested the entire chapter. I have to admit, this is going much differently than I expected. I expected Trixi to spend a lot more time with the main characters of the original series, but I actually like it better with her doing her own thing. It's a whole lot more realistic that way.

Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews, and am SOOO relieved on how you think of the dialog.

I am with you, if it's effective dialog, then there's no problem. I love dialog though. I use my imagination for most other parts in the stories I read. If you describe too much, it doesn't give the reader much to "create" their own atmosphere in the world they are "traveling" in. Which is how I grew up to think when I read/wrote a book. Sometimes readers like to twist their own things around, and relate to the character(s) in their own way. I like to allow that.


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Review #12, by crestwood Chapter 4: Classes Begin

7th August 2014:
I'm glad you wrote Thomas Vandel into the story, I was afraid that Trixi would have no friends in her own year. Also, I love reading stories in which people are good with potions. I don't know why, but potions really interest me a lot more than other subjects that people write. Snape was written exactly like his canon self in this chapter, you've nailed his teaching style.

Seeing Lupin as a teacher again is a bit bittersweet, but luckily he's as nice as always and just such an amazing Professor. I'm happy that Trixi accepted the Gryffindors over Draco and also that the Gryffindors fought to keep her on their side. I hope this leads to more interactions between them all! Another good chapter :)

Author's Response: Ah, Thomas, the mostly quiet sweet friend of Trixi's who's overly energetic only when it comes to magic. He's one of my favorite characters. Wait until you meet officially Franilda, now SHE'S something.

I like potions too, but I am finding it a bit difficult to write, it should be easy though, you can pretty much just make up what you wish.

Lupin... **tears* I started at this year BECAUSE of Lupin, I wanted to "see" him again.

There will be some interaction with her and the Gryffindors, but not so much in the upcoming chapters.


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Review #13, by crestwood In the Middle

7th August 2014:
I can't believe Trixi ran straight out of the Great Hall! I've never read that before, but I'm glad it wasn't just about the house. She's very justified in being angry at her father for lying about Harry; that's kind of a huge deal. I liked the little reference to the Marauder's Map when Fred and George found her.

Ron wasn't being very nice in this chapter, but hopefully he'll warm up a bit. He wasn't all too nice to Hermione at first either when you think about it. You've written Draco perfectly here. He's absolutely nasty and arrogant, but definitely spot on, canon-wise. Trixi will not be happy with her father when they do finally talk... great chapter!

Author's Response: Yes, Trixi usually doesn't like being the centre of attention, so naturally the first thing that someone would do in this situation is usually get out of it- run away.

Exactly, Ron can be a bit of a jerk, and sometimes without realizing it, and like you said, he wasn't too nice with Hermione, so I thought this scene was in his character somehow. And really, wouldn't he act that way to the strange daughter of Snape? Yeah, I think so.


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Review #14, by crestwood Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

5th August 2014:
I don't think I've ever read the castle being described as eerie, but I think it's a nice change from the normal awe-filled first years people normally write. It's excellent that Trixi doesn't hate Muggleborns because of course, Snape would not have taught her to. From how you've written her so far, I'm not all too surprised at the house the Hat thought she belonged in, I only wonder what her father has to say about her placement.

I love when people write the Sorting Hat as a character, and your Sorting Hat song was great! Those are actually really hard to write. Your characterization has been strong so far, but the real test is how you keep it up over the course of Trixi's time at Hogwarts. Will she change completely in the Gryffindor environment? Will she keep her convictions and honor her father? Honestly, I can't wait to find out either way. You're doing a great job!

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much for your thoughts! It makes me SOOO happy to know that people are enjoying my story!

Also, I read that Rowlings described it once as an eerie castle, so that's how I decided to portray it myself. Especially on a dark raining night.


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Review #15, by crestwood Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

5th August 2014:
Hey! It's crestwood from the forums again, sorry that it took me a while to make my way back here.

I was a bit surprised by the way Trixie has turned out. I guess I was expecting someone more like Draco and his bunch, but she actually seems a little more like Ginny or Luna than any of them. I have to say that I'm grateful she wont be your stereotypical Slytherin or exactly like her father, that'll lead to more favorable interactions with the Trio and other characters we know from the series.

The relationship between Snape and Trixi was only hinted at here, but has the potential to be infinitely interesting. And it's really weird to see a young Draco written from a perspective that isn't Harry's. I love that you wrote him as still looking up to Snape. I wish their developing relationship could have been given more time in the original series.

I can't decide which house I think Trixi will end up in because she just has such a wide range of traits. It'll be interesting to see what Trixi thinks of her father's teaching style.

I will say that this story is completely new territory for me, but I think you're making a good case for my attention. There's just so many possibilities with the premise you've set up that this story will never get trite or predictable. I think this has a lot of potential!

Author's Response: I really hope you continue to read, because the story will start getting juicy as Trixi's life is explored more. We'll see Snape's parenting style, how he handles his daughter through difficult times, plus many other things Trixi will end up struggling with, that she even hides from him.

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Review #16, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

4th August 2014:
HELLO!

Its Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm sorry that it took a minute, once again. I hope you won't be like Frodo and cast me into the fire or something. Anyway...

So, I was really interested in seeing what had become of Snape since the prologue and I really liked meeting Trixie, she wasn't at all what I expected. I think that you've given some really great hints about what their relationship is like and despite everything, its very loving and although Snape isn't the openly affectionate type of father, you can see how protective he is. I also liked that you kept his hatred of Harry in and I'm curious to see what Trixie will think of the Boy Wonder later on. It was pretty obvious to see that she didn't quite think of Harry the same way her father did and I wonder how that will play out later or if they'll ever talk about it more. Also, the introduction of Draco was one of my favorites, I honestly love writing him and the eager to please version that you've written is something that I haven't seen very much of.

I think that you've done a good job, however, of showing just how nasty he really is. Draco, Pansy and the Ghouls (Crabbe and Goyle) were very spot on and you could see the power that Draco had over all of them. He's a pampered bully and you didn't stray from that at all, which was nice to see and I also liked that Trixie didn't fall in with his schemes or wasn't interested in wanting to please him.

In fact, I loved that. It showed that Trixie has her own mind and knows the difference between right and wrong, I especially liked the scene that you wrote with Ginny and Luna as well. The three of them make an interesting trio and their personalities were fresh, Luna coming off as insightful as ever while Ginny held that strength that I love about her.

I hope the three of them remain friends but by that last part of the chapter, I wonder how that will continue. Trixie isn't aware of what kind of teacher her father is and I think that might come into play later on and I can't wait to see what you do with that bit of drama.

All in all, a great read! No CC's that I could spot and I hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Loved your review! I had a LOT of help with the CCs though, so I can't take 100% credit for that. :)

As the story goes in, you'll see how Trixi and Snape handle each other, it's been so much fun to write about :)


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Review #17, by crestwood The Prologue

2nd August 2014:
Hey, crestwod from the forums here for your requested review!

I haven't read a true AU story in years actually. This one is interesting. I'm interested in exactly why/how Harry was able to ressurect Lily, but even if we just accept that it's Voldemort's wand and it does extraordinary things that are normally impossible, I'm pretty much fine with that for the sake of getting the story going. I mean, it IS an AU. And I'm interested less in the mechanics of that, than how you handle characterization and such.

I thought you wrote a house elf really well. I always have trouble with the way they speak and interact with Wizards, so I always appreciate a well written house elf. Snape was very desperate for Harry to bring back Lily, which absolutely fits into his character. Unfortunately, so does him sending Harry to the Dursley's. That was terrible and cowardly of him, but just like him to do.

The flow of this is good to me. I don't get the feeling that it's moving too slow or fast. And I definitely don't mind the amount of dialogue. I had more than enough description here to understand what is happening, so I thought it was fine.

He does seem to have a better relationship with Trixi, but still very reluctant. I would like to see where this goes. I wonder how his relationship with an Trixi will develop and if he will act the same toward Harry at Hogwarts in this universe, even though he lived with him for two years. You've definitely got my attention though, I'll be moving on to the next chapters as soon as I can! There's no need to re-request, but if I don't begin reviewing the following chapters in a few days, feel free to contact me on the forums, I've probably just forgotten to come back here. Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: WOW! To get someone to return and read my chapters, I am so happy! And I am glad you like the story so far.

I would have thought writing a House Elf would have been the easiest thing of all. But when I played pretend as a young girl, I remember being a character that resembled the character a House Elf is kinda like, so maybe it's not too hard for me?

For the most part this is only SLIGHTLY AU, I don't want to ruin too much for you, and some of the chapters do have "too much" dialogue, but Snape unfortunately still acts the way he does toward Harry (at least in Trixi's first year). I don't know what I have quite planned for the second year, it's still... a long ways away.


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Review #18, by TidalDragon The Prologue

2nd August 2014:
Howdy! I was beginning to think you weren't going to take me up on my offer. But here I am for the Prologue.

As far as the plot goes, you've given yourself the latitude to chase what you're after with the AU designation. While I am not sure how central it will be the story going forward, I did think the idea that Harry would be able to resurrect Lily with Voldemort's wand somehow was a reach. I also think that even within the confines of an AU, it was a bit of a stretch that Snape and Lily would actually get married and pregnant within the time frame required for this story. I will grant you (much though I dislike Snape/Lily), that there was a legitimate basis for a potential romantic relationship there, but I wonder how realistic it is for Lily to have gotten over the tragedy of what transpired Halloween 1981 so thoroughly so fast. I grant you that different people deal with loss differently and perhaps this will be explained later, but right now it feels unlikely.

With the characterizations, I think certainly Snape feels solid. He still comes across tortured and with a hatred from Harry because of his hatred for James. My only concerns with Lily are those expressed above. And I don't think we get enough of other characters here to really comment in detail on their characterization.

In terms of areas for improvement, the biggest things would be taking a look at Harry and Dumbledore's dialogue. Harry speaks FAR too clearly (especially with a difficult name like Severus) for a three year-old. Perhaps some of that is a difficulty in how to actually express his three year-old speech in written form, but I'd think about that going forward. As far as Dumbledore goes, the contractions are a must-eliminate (he almost never uses them) and I would imagine him being a bit firmer and exerting more pressure on this point. After all, recall how much he demanded of Snape throughout canon (and of Harry re: the blood protection). It seems unlikely he would be willing to let the issue drop as lightly as he does here.

Just my thoughts. I hope they were helpful. PM me if you have any questions!

Author's Response: Thanks soo mcuh for your helpful review! I will see if I can make Dumbledore more firm, but he also knew Snape was in mourning.

I have already been told about Harry, so that is also on my list to fix.

I am sorry I made you read a Snape/Lily story, ahaha! Forgive me.

Also, there will be some chapters that look into the past that will show a building relationship between Snape and Lily, because I too, felt it needed to be explained :)

You're awesome, you should know it!!!


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Review #19, by MadiMalfoy Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

31st July 2014:
Hi again! :)

Aw, Trixi on her first trip on the Hogwarts Express! So cute. :)

You were mainly concerned about the plot so I'll touch on that first. It's very straightforward but works well because that's how Severus himself is and sort of how Trixi is also. The only thing I would say that would improve it is to add more description of the scene to balance out the large amounts of dialogue you have. Just describe the train in greater detail or what Draco looks like, or Platform 9 3/4. That makes it less difficult to try and remember everything that's being said because describing things still helps to move plot along but also assists in setting the tone of the current scene. Other than that though, I really enjoyed how you had Trixi just forging along and talking to Luna and Ginny! She doesn't yet understand the whole prejudice thing because Snape has sheltered her from most everything.

Just two small CCs I have for you; I do believe Harry is only 13 years old in POA, so he should be 13 here too, as he's one of the youngest in his class. Also, with the dialogue, it's very formal and stiff-sounding because the characters aren't using contractions like "I'm" or "You're" and instead use the full "I am" or "You are". This makes Trixi's lines age her more than her 11 years. They're all just 11, 12, or 13 years old; they don't use sophisticated language very often yet. And just for fun, I suggest putting in a line for Draco of "My father will hear about this!" after Harry Potter faints 'cause you know it's a great line and place to say it. :P

Great chapter, come back anytime! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your excellent advice! I have been told I have quite a lot of dialog, and I have been fixing that (you should love Chapter 6 when it's validated) only thing I noticed is now my chapters are 5-6k words! 0.0 takes a lot time to get that beta-ed and validated.

And yes, I did notice the "stiff" speech myself, I have changed that up in the later chapters, and in the future, I will go through and fix my current ones. There are still a few characters that will have that though. Namely, Franilda Wildnox who is a stiff girl to begin with.



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Review #20, by Ally Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

22nd July 2014:
Love it to the core, but doesn't Dennis Creevey get sorted in Harry's fourth year, not his third?

Author's Response: Thanks for the catch, I could have sworn he was in PoA, I'll have to fix that :) He's a minor character, so that's not a big deal at all.

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Review #21, by Gabriella Hunter The Prologue

22nd July 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and its nice to meet you! :D Also, sorry that I'm late!

Okay, this is a really unique idea. I have never read a story with Snape and Lily in this way, I had never even thought of twisting his story to the point where he had a family of his own. I think it was a bold choice and I really love the world that you created, its AU but its got a few traces of the original HP books that I love. The beginning had me wrapped up in the story really quickly and I was fascinated by Harry's ability to bring Lily back to life with the Dark Lord's wand? Wow. That was some great writing too, it was heartbreaking but shocking at the same time and I think you wrote Snape pretty well too. His resentment for Harry is SO clear and so...well, not pleasant to read but I think you kept him as canon as possible. His love for Lily was also heartbreaking and wonderful to read, you could see how much he cared about her. BUT I was really mad at him for just abandoning Harry though! Agh, that wasn't a very good thing to do! I think it was awfully selfish but he was in a moment of grief and probably wasn't thinking straight and there was nothing very Marry Sue about it either so THANK YOU. Hahah.

Also, I enjoyed your Albus. I have never dared to write him before. Hahahha.

Now, the ending with Snape and Trixi was very good, I liked how awkward he was to be with her and how difficult it was for him to be there for her after Lily's death.

I want to find out more about how Harry brought her back...

Anyway, I really enjoyed this so don't be scared to re-request!

There were only a few grammar issues in the earlier paragraphs but most of it was pretty spot on so you should be able to look through and fix those without any problem. :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! It was awesome! I am glad you liked all those parts (except Snape's selfishness... yeah... it's only SLIGHTLY AU, so I can't totally leave out that Harry needed to be raised by the Dursleys - sorry :() And we love Snape because he's Snape, I totally can't rewrite his character, otherwise, I may as well made my own OC that is very similar to him.

I have noticed the grammar issues myself, I have been just too lazy to edit them, I have gone through many of the current chapters fixing mistakes, so eventually, I'll get to this chapter too. I also need to change some of Harry's words around, as someone noted that he may have been talking a bit too immature for his age.


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Review #22, by Emily Chapter 5; Moony and Moody

21st July 2014:
Why do I love this by far? Because it shows raw emotion and the struggles of being a single dad. You are not using too much dialogue, at least for me. I respect dialogue because it reveals things that would have otherwise not been revealed. Love it! I need more!

Author's Response: Hey, Emily, thanks for your review! It helps me a lot! I almost got a new chapter ready to send for validation, I usually need a bit of help with proof reading and cannon (plus making sense, lol), so I try not to submit something without another pair of eyes scanning it over. But soon, I promise!

You will see much more "single parent" issues shortly :)


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Review #23, by MadiMalfoy The Prologue

14th July 2014:
Hi there! Sorry about the ridiculous wait on this, you probably forgot about requesting this!

Since you only wanted me to focus on plot, I'll go in depth with it! First off, what a different take on Voldemort's attack on the Potters! And Harry getting his wand and bringing Lily back! I think it is really mysterious and adds a sense of foreboding to the story because Albus and Snape can't figure out what it is that Harry did. Snape offering his home for Lily & Harry is very touching! Lily and Snape having a daughter (and being together in general) is not something I ship, but you make her bring out the good in him, so thank you for that!

Perfect characterization of both of them I think! Lily is so kind, loving, and caring, so she takes care of the kids and gives them all the love she can. Severus is the awkward, rather indifferent father figure and is sort of helpless with the children. It's very in-character for him to not want Harry once Lily is gone because he reminds him all too much of her and the whole situation they went through. Poor Harry though! Thank goodness for Dumbledore! I'm glad you gave Snape a scene with his daughter crying, it really shows he actually does love his daughter, he's just not the best with feelings or how to deal with a crying baby. The house elf Riffer is so cute!

Great opening chapter so far, I think you've got quite the story set up here! :) Feel free to re-request if you'd like!
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I don't mind the long wait, I know people get busy! :)

Snape actually lightens up a bit with Harry (in chapters that look back during Snape/Lily time together, but due to the lost of his love, it's inevitable for him to just hate the boy). There will be touching moments with Snape when Lily is around (as you have mentioned). Snape can be caring when he's not hauled up in sorrow, regret, and self-pity.

The next chapter I update for this story will go back in the past. I am really looking forward to it's posting.


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Review #24, by lindslo2012 In the Middle

25th June 2014:
Hey there!
Here for another requested review. I am getting more into the story than ever before now. WOW, she was sorted into Gryffindor! And she's not sure about the fact she is the right place or not. Poor girl... when Snape was looking at her I felt bad because you could just tell that he was disappointed in his daughter :( Also I think it is kind of sad that Trixi had to find out that way about Harry. But now at least she knows that Harry is her half-brother and that he should be there to help her in the long run even if it doesn't seem like it right now. :/
Well, lovely chapter and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: Thanks for your review Lindsey! :) I always look forward to them because it's nice to know people enjoy reading my story :) The next chapter will be awesome, well, at least I say so, LOL :)

And don't worry, Snape will help his daughter in more ways than one ;)


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Review #25, by lindslo2012 Chapter 2: The Sorting Hatís ĎSlipí

10th June 2014:
Hey! Here for your requested review!
Sorry for the delay, I've been kind of sick :(
Anyways now to your story!
WOW. I was totally freaking out that whole time! I was scared for little Trixi, wanting to be in Slytherin... but I did have a feeling that she would be placed in a different house after all. Maybe she has alot more of Lily in her than her father? Let's hope so.. lol.
I LOVED the hat's song, was that made up by you? Wow!
I am really wanting to know what is going to happen in her future now that she is officially a Gryffindor. I bet she is quite upset because she knows her father is going to be quite mad at her. It isn't her fault though and she didn't exactly fight the hat's choice. Aww! I hope Harry finds out about her soon or at least eventually so he can step in and protect her!
Another amazing chapter. Please come back and re-request!
Until next time,
-Lindsey

Author's Response: This story is taking an interesting turn. I have 23 chapters so far, so a lot actually happens. Many twists and stuff.

Anyway, I am happy you're enjoying this story, and yes I did make up the hat's poem, I really didn't want to have one, because I stink at poem making, but I was told it would make my story better, so I tried... Took two days. :)

She didn't fight the hat, no. She's not much of a fighter to begin with, really easy to con.. **wink* okay.. so I am not going to go much further with this, don't want to ruin the plot. :P

Thanks for reading! :):):)


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