5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by keyty just like all those times before

20th June 2014:
Hello! Thank you for submitting to my challenge! Here to review your entry xx

Formatting wise I would suggest getting rid of the large gaps between paragraphs. They're kind of distracting. Of course that's your choice :)

This is a different take on Fred's death I haven't seen before. Personally I'm not sure Fred would be mad at George, or jealous of the rest of his siblings. It's definitely a possibility, and an interesting way for you to take it. I'm not sure I quite understood the second to last paragraph. Did Fred become a ghost? That is definitely interesting to think about.

Again, thank you for submitting to my challenge! The results should be posted within the next week :)

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Review #2, by LightLeviosa5443 just like all those times before

4th June 2014:
Hi!

I'm here reviewing the entries for my challenge!

This story was really interesting. I thought it was a unique approach the way that Fred was mad at George for not joining him. I definitely think the twins being separated by death was a reality that was kind of tough to accept, so brave for you to take that and try to use it.

One thing I noticed was there are a lot of spaces in the story. I don't know if you intentionally did it to break the story up (and if you did then it works really well), or if it's just an editing accident, but I just thought I'd point it out in case you wanted the story to flow more and not be so broken apart.

That aside this was really interesting and I enjoyed reading it! Thanks for entering my challenge! Good luck!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #3, by Sado just like all those times before

2nd June 2014:
Aw. I don't know why but I am really crying. 'hiccup', it is such a sad story...'hiccup' and a really good one, too. 'hiccup' It feels so real. 'hiccup' That Fred isn't with George anymore, that they really aren't double troube...I never wanted him to die..'hiccup''hiccup''hiccup'

10/10
Sado 'hiccup'

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Review #4, by 800 words of heaven just like all those times before

17th May 2014:
REVIEW TAG!

Woohoo! All the challenges! And in so few words! I really loved it. The use of second person here was really awesome, because there were parts of this story where I couldn't tell if it was Fred talking, or George. I think that's my favourite part of this story - some bits are really quite ambiguous as to whom this situation applies. I think a lot of it works for either of them, and that is even sadder because they're still so close.

It was really interesting to see Fred so... bitter here. The post-Fred stories I've read so far have George as really sad and angry (which is totally understandable) and Fred as like this sort of guardian angel from beyond death who is immortalised as a prankster and very happy dude, who just wants his brother to be happy as well. It was interesting reading Fred's anger on the issue for a change!

Awesome stuff, and good luck with all the challenges :)

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Review #5, by patronus_charm just like all those times before

14th May 2014:
Hi, here to review your entry for the challenge and sorry for keeping you waiting, exams have taken over everything!

This was such an interesting approach to Fred and Georgeís relationship. I really loved how you tied it in with canon events because it made looking over them so much more solemn and really helped me understand them from Fredís perspective a little more. Another thing I thought was really interesting was how he regretted setting eyes on Harry because that meant he didnít have his brother, and that twist in their relationship was really interesting as Iíve never really seen anything like it before, and I always love it when someone does a fresh take on someoneís characterisation.

Your overall stylistic choices really helped with the overall mood of the story. The narration just created this detached air to the story and really helped us understand how lost Fred was without Fred, because that detachment was where George was meant to come butting into the conversation and say something witty. The small, blunt sentences just showed how bleak Fredís life was without him, and I loved the way you used italics to really show how much he missed George, and it was a nice touch.

The ending was great because I honestly had no idea it was Fred speaking until I reached the final line and it was just like plot twist, because you would naturally assume it was George, so I liked the way you tricked us there. Itís always fun to get an afterlife perspective and I definitely enjoyed it here. Ooh, one more thing I meant to say was congratulations for including so much in such a short story, you definitely couldnít tell it was 500 words, so congrats!

One tiny thing I might suggest is perhaps going back and making the gaps between the paragraphs smaller so the flowís better and itís easier to read. I find using the simple editor is good for this, because sometime when you use the advanced editor, it messes up the formatting whereas that doesnít happen with the simple editor, but this was a great entry and thanks for writing one!

-Kiana

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