Reading Reviews for We Are One
  
73 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Aphoride Broken Pieces

16th December 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for the BvB Review Battle! :)

Oh no, I actually liked Dung! :( Pretty disappointed that it happened to him - though I kinda expected it after the last chapter. Still... :(

I like how the murders are so varied - they're all connected, and done with some similarities between them, but none of them are completely identical. As a set-up, it reminds me a lot of Jack the Ripper in London, you know, with the different places and situations and things. It's so great! Plus, I love all the images of the Aurors trying to work out what's going on and who's doing it.

With the connection - ooh, they all seem to be people who've hurt Harry, or led to Harry being hurt or nearly being hurt/killed... hm... maybe that's it... in which case, I guess Draco Malfoy should be worried :P Not sure who else could be a victim or why anyone would be that dedicated to protecting Harry's life like that... hm...

All the little canon details in here are so good. I loved how Hermione kinda barged her way into the case as well, haha - seems like something she'd do! And how Ron asked her to lunch randomly, how Hagrid was buying repellant down in Knockturn Alley like in CoS ;)

I feel so sorry for all the Aurors, getting so tired and so stressed with things... such a difficult case, and one which would go high-profile quickly, too, so people would be complaining about it not getting sorted out quickly enough and everything...

I'm so so curious to see what happens next! If there's another murder, so soon, or if they get a break and time to think about it, what happens when they interview Hagrid, if they get to interview Emerson and just, well, everything. The killer's bits are so creepy, too - like, well-intentioned, in a way, and that just makes it worse, you know?

So yeah, I'm so hooked on this story, still. Love it! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #2, by Aphoride Bitterly Truthful

11th December 2014:
Hi there - dropping by again for BvB! :D It really does give me such a good excuse for coming back to this story *shoves Constitutional Law back under her bed* ;)

I really love how you're developing this so carefully - it's so thought-out and so planned, you know, like the murders themselves, it's almost eerie in that sense, but it suits the story so well! There's this lovely layer to this too - this sort of feeling that at any moment anything could happen. All we know is that the murderer has black hair, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything - this is world with Polyjuice and all sorts of things... You just make me so on edge for this, and it's so good! :)

Your characterisation again is so on point, with Ron and Harry and the rest of them, but I kinda wanna talk about the murderer a bit. It's just so good and so clever of you, because even though you're writing them in second person, so it feels very familiar in that sense, it doesn't because I genuinely have no idea who it could be. Somehow, you're writing in second person and there's no clues. Nothing at all. Not even a potential hint. It's amazing. Truly. (Even though it is a little infuriating, coz I wanna know! Haha!).

The only thing I'd say is that the Veritaserum questioning (and I'm only saying this coz you asked about it :P) seems a bit too... easy to me? I dunno, it's meant to be this thing where you say what you mean, what you feel, without thinking, without filtering, and the scene doesn't quite convey that to me? It's just my opinion, though, I don't know about others...

As always, your writing is lovely. It's so concise and I'm so jealous of your ability to do that - to pack so much action into so few words without skimping on the quality of them. It's amazing.

I'm so, so curious to know what happens next. You've left so many little threads hanging - with the black hair, Pamela meeting the murderer, the list of suspects... just everything. I really have no idea what's going to happen next and it's such a good feeling for this type of story! :)

(Also, is it weird that I kinda hope Mundungus Fletcher doesn't die? I always kinda liked him, haha)

So yeah, I'm still loving this story - it's so good! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Revealed

8th December 2014:
Hi there Erin!

I'm here for the BvB battle and I'm so excited that I've managed to catch you!

Holy cow. Well - I was really surprised that you started this chapter differently than the others. There is no murderer's POV in the beginning. But I think it is fitting - leaving us with that cliffhanger from the last chapter - it made sense to start this one off where that left us hanging...

I really feel for Harry and Ron. They seem both exhausted and exasperated. A curly-haired girl? That makes me thing Hermione! She's just a clever enough witch to be able to pull all of this off. She's also very adept at disguises (I'm thinking of how she disguised Ron during DH), so she could easily change her appearance to have a different colored hair or facial features (like marks).

But the marks on the face also make me thing Lavender Brown - who definitely had a score to settle with Greyback and may be part werewolf herself. Hmmm... As usual, you've completely stumped me.

And Old Bill is Aberforth! Completely Genius! He was the glue that held together the entire order during DH and he is still making connections for Harry between the underworld and the Ministry. I love Aberforth's character and I think you've captured it perfectly here.

I'm very curious about his warning. Will Harry need to heed Ab's words at some point? Or will he need to use them for someone else? OH! I just don't know!

Great writing! Keep it up!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #4, by Aphoride Chocolate and bubbles

5th December 2014:
Hey there! Spotted you in the BvB battle and couldn't resist coming by again :P

I loved the slip of normalcy with Harry, Ron and Hermione - seeing them doing something not to do with the murders (though the whole thing with the pov switch to you was a bit creepy... made me think of possession/Imperius Curse style stuff, like with Tom Riddle's diary, you know?) was so nice. It was so sweet - and toddler!James was just too adorable. Blowing out the candles and getting upset when he couldn't... n'awww. He's so well written, too - and children are hard to write!

I liked how you gave us the first idea of a suspect, with Emerson's name coming up. It's so interesting, with him being a nasty guy anyway, to see how he'll fit into it all. (Though, tbh, I'm surprised if he was charged for experiments on house-elves, he wasn't watched or tagged somehow or something, but I guess the wizarding world has a very old-fashioned idea of justice!)

I'm still amazed by how easily you write the canon characters in this, especially the trio and Luna. Frankly, the idea of writing them terrifies me, so I find it so incredible how you're writing them in a full novella as main cast. They're all so perfectly written; you capture the little things about them, like how Hermione's kinda bossy at times, how Ron gets tired/bored when not doing interesting things... Luna's never-ending cheeriness. It's so good! :)

As always, your writing in this is lovely. So smooth and clean, and your dialogue is so great! :)

That last scene was so creepy. I have no idea who it could be... Shacklebolt, maybe? Emerson? I don't know! :( Gah, cliffhangers... so annoying :P

I will be back... :D

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #5, by Forever_More Bitterly Truthful

2nd December 2014:
Something weird is going on with Harry, my opinion!

What a great story! It pulled me in by the first sentence and it's hard not to continue reading chapter after chapter until there's no more left :D! I'm a sucker for a good mystery and this one is amazing!!

Author's Response: I don't even know how to respond to this. You made my day, thank you so much. :)

 Report Review

Review #6, by Forever_More It begins with pink

2nd December 2014:
Loving this first chapter, it definitely pulls you in. I really enjoyed the two different point of views, it reminds me of a mystery/crime movie. Definitely intriguing!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this totally unexpected, amazing review! It's really encouraging and I'm working on the newest chapter now. :D I hope you like how things turn out!

 Report Review

Review #7, by BitterSweetFlames It begins with pink

2nd December 2014:
Hello, darling. I'm here for the BvB Review battle.:) I just thought, well you've reviewed me twice for it already so I was determined to read something of yours so here I am.

So, I went for this one because it's a murder story and I love love love reading them (even if I am awful at writing them. No, I really am. haha)

First off, the second person works really well. Normally, I find the reading of it a little off but the use of it as the narrative for your murderer is brilliant because normally people use first person but yours is effective because it's cold and creepy and, well, detached -- which works because it leaves you wanting to know more. So, I want to know more.

Next, I love all the little things you put in Auror scenes. First off, Harry and Ginny's interaction just seems so perfect. Harry, exhausted, poking Ron on the head. Just so perfect.

I think the whole thing with the investigation and the questioning was great because as with the real world you never get anywhere fast (and this means we get more murders. -whistles-)

So, yes, this was a super intriguing start. I'm going start stalking you in the BvB now. Just so you know. lol

--C

P.S. Cats. Ugh, that must have been horrible to hear. Ron is right. Umbridge is mad.

 Report Review

Review #8, by Veritaserum27 Spotted

1st December 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for the December BvB review battle.

Okay - WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?! How are there three chapters of this that I haven't read and reviewed. I solemnly swear that I will use this months battle to catch up on this story!

Now on to the proper review. Now I'm even more angry at myself because THIS CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD! I'm seriously in awe at your ability to keep the identity of the murderer so cleverly hidden. I seriously have no idea who it could be. I was totally thinking Harry, then Ginny, then Harry again - I even thought it was Hermione at one point, but I really have no idea!

Whoever it was is an extremely powerful witch or wizard. To be able to kill Greyback from that distance has got to take some talent. Whoever the killer is, they've got to have some sort of mark on their face from Greyback's attack. Maybe that will help me figure it out.

I love your version of Ron. It seems fitting that he would berate himself and try to quit because he let Emerson get away. Even while Harry is bleeding profusely, Ron is wallowing in his own weakness - haha! I love it.

And the letter - What does it say?! I have to know.

Thanks so much for writing this story!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #9, by Aphoride Sunshine, stay

1st December 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for BvB! :)

You know, it's been far too long since I last read this story, like a month or something, but I had to come back to it! Even without reading it, I still remember it and remember how much I wanna know who it is!

Okay, first things first - I have to admit that I did not see that coming. I mean, obviously there was always going to be a second death, but I didn't think it would be so soon! It's only the second chapter! And wah, poor Luna - she's really had a pretty hard lot in this so far... though I love how you showed her strength and amazing ability to sort of drift through things without letting them seem, at least, to bog her down - as well as bringing out that startling honest side of her a lot of people forget about at times. She's such a difficult character to write and you do her so well in this!

I love how you're building it up slowly but surely - with the hair going missing, and someone in the Ministry clearly involved, the insight from the killer which tells us they are in the Ministry, possibly even an Auror if they're watching Robards... it's such a creepy sort of thing, you know, the idea that the murderer is that close to them, that they know everything which is going on... freaky.

The details in this are brilliant, as always. They really make this story come alive: all the little mentions of Cornish Pixie earrings, Luna's paintings, the letters... it just builds this picture so clearly in my head - the description, too, is gorgeous. It's so great! :)

So yeah, I'm still loving this story - I'm so impatient to know who the killer is, haha! It's only two chapters in and I just wanna know what's going to happen... but that's your fault, really. You and your great writing ;)

I can't leave it so long before I come back... :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #10, by MargaretLane Answers - Round One

1st December 2014:
Uh, I'd really like to be able to make a guess at the villain here, but I am completely stuck. Maybe this chapter will provide some answers.

Yikes, Umbridge is evil. And I can totally understand his feeling he had no choice other than to do what she wants. It's hard when you're afraid of putting somebody you love at risk.

I don't really think he's the villain though. He could be involved, but even if he is, I suspect there's somebody behind him. Maybe it's because of the title of the chapter - "round one", which indicates there is more to find out or maybe it's because he doesn't really seem SIGNIFICANT enough. Or devious enough. Of course, it COULD be an act, but somehow I don't really see him as a master criminal.

Yeah, I'm inclined to believe he was worried he'd get in trouble because of what Umbridge made him do. It makes sense.

I wonder if the house elf experiments are the key to this. Mundungus could easily have been paid to do something for it and Macnair OF COURSE would be likely to be involved in something like that. Greyback MIGHT be too - it's hard to know. I can't see Lovegood being involved though. He'd be more likely to be the one to blow the lid on a story like that.

 Report Review

Review #11, by Aphoride It begins with pink

6th November 2014:
Hey there! I thought I'd drop by on this one, rather than your Jenna Matthews story, since that one's going through edits, so I hope that's okay! :)

You should know straight off that I adore murder mysteries. Like, properly, properly love them. To bits. So I was so excited to drop by on this - I couldn't resist it, especially when I've heard such good things about it!

I love how you start with a little flash of the murderer, and the build-up to the murder itself. It's such an intriguing way to start - not the normal sort of way, I think - and it really just pulls me into the story, without any effort at all. All the little hints and things about Umbridge were great, too - I loved the cats on plates on the walls, the pink colour everywhere, and yet the sort of memory the murderer obviously had of her being so cruel and so wicked. I have no idea who the murderer could be either - there really are so many characters who hated her! :P

Your characterisation is so good, too - I loved how you portrayed Ron and Harry in this, going about the crime scene, getting called into work so early/being so tired and all... it really highlights the non-glamorous aspect of an Auror's life, you know? But they were all great - I loved Ginny's comment after she found out about Umbridge, it was so in-character for her, and the little mentions of Harry putting her bump and stroking her hair were lovely.

The only thing I could say is maybe when you have more fluid senses, like sounds and smells and things, introduce them a bit earlier? Like, it seemed a bit sudden for Ron to hear the cats - the sound would have been there all along - so mentioning a faint noise, or that it gets louder or something, would make it a bit less static. But that's really a minor thing ;)

Your writing is so lovely - I love the way you shift your dialogue to suit each character, and the way you put I so many little details, like the Auror-speak (Un-Sub and 1200 hours), and the little character things you put in there.

Your plot is just amazing, though - I'm so, so curious to know what's happened, who's done it, what's going to happen next. Even though this isn't on a cliffhanger, it essentially is, because you've made me want to know so much more! :)

I'm going to have to try and follow you during the Review Battle or something :P

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #12, by wolfgirl17 It begins with pink

5th November 2014:
Hey Erin,

Woflgirl17 here with your review.

My guess at the killer is Hermione (using hair dye) or maybe even Harry himself or perhaps Cho. But I suspect I'm projecting my own Dark Hermione idea for the Saints and Sinners challenge.

Anyway, onto the review.

Overall, I like the chapter. It's a good start and builds a foundation for the rest of the story to come. I was surprised at first by the way you began in second person, simply because not very many people favor it. I'm assuming you've done so in order to keep the gender of the killer from us to prolong that feeling of being on tenterhooks as we ponder who it might be.

Your characterization could use a little work, to be honest. I mean, we all know and love Harry, Ron and Ginny, but I often find that knowing the characters so well can sometimes lead to laziness in characterizing them for each individual story. I know I'm a shocker for it. They could use a little work, because so far all you've given us in regard to them is that Harry is overworked and tired, Ginny is pregnant and disapproving on Harry always working, and all we got from Ron was that he was bored. Maybe just try to breathe a little more life into them so that they feel more 3D for us, you know? It will improve the quality of your writing and really put the reader right into the story the way JK always managed. Your goal is to make the reader feel completely transported into the story, so much so that the cat falling asleep on the keyboard in RL should go unnoticed. =)

I think that's really the only thing I can find for this chapter that could use a little work though. The plot you're developing is good and the flow is fast-paced but believable. You've got a solid foundation to build the rest of the story on, and I have to admit I'm intrigued to find out who the killer is and what their motives are. (I'm still banking on Hermione or maybe Cho??)

I see what some of your past reviewers mean too about the way you so easily kill off characters (I stalked your profile on the forums). YOu definitely have a gift for crafting character death. Which is rare. I can barely even stand to put them through emotionally troubled times more often than not, hence my sticking to straight fluffy romance mostly. But I'm sure that if this keeps up you'll definitely be the next G.R.R.M, slashing and dashing the lives of characters we love and hate alike with swift keystrokes sharper than an assassin's blade!

Let me know if you want me to keep reviewing the following chapters. I hope I've been helpful and you're not sitting there thinking "What drivel!". Keep up the good work!

xx-Wolfgirl17

 Report Review

Review #13, by MargaretLane Revealed

1st November 2014:
Hmm, I'm not entirely convinced about Marrietta Edgecombe. The part about the "gruff voice" seems to imply that even if she is involved, there's somebody else behind her. *reads on*

Did you mean the nickname "Old Bill" as a reference to the police?

Hmm, there's clearly more to be reveled here. Whether Marietta is guilty or not, there is clearly more to this. Aberforth knows something. I doubt he'd get involved in murder himself, but he clearly has some information he's not revealing. Hmm.

 Report Review

Review #14, by crestwood Spotted

15th September 2014:
NO!! This CAN'T be the last chapter! Of course, the last posted chapter is just as we're seemingly about to find out.. of course. Ah! Please update really really soon, I'm practically begging.

This is one of the better stories on the archives. If there was any more categories left that this applied to, I'd nominate it for a Dobby. This is supremely suspenseful and every chapter has built upon the foundation of the last.

I wonder if the fact that Greyback clawed their face will cause them to have any lasting wolfish tendencies like Bill experienced. I still cannot believe that they, injured, decided to come and kill Greyback, although now I do understand why at least. He saw who they are. This is huge because the Ministry now has this information and they've messed up big time. I can't imagine the kind of things they'll get into next.

The chase scene with Emerson was amazing. You gave such good description during it and really placed the reader in the middle of the action. He looks incredibly suspicious, but I still hold that I do think he is actually the murderer, but by the looks of things he IS guilty of some other crime. His last minute apparation was unexpected. I thought they'd bring him in with no problem. This case just seems to be doing a number on them.

Beginning the next section with "I resign" was pretty shocking. Of course, it was just Ron kind of exaggerating, but shocking nonetheless.

Also, the prose in this is beautiful. "The room sunk back into the silence that had been its only untroubled occupant for the past hour." THIS LINE. IS. EVERYTHING.

"his esteem had shattered and crumbled, and now lay on the floor in a pool of his blood" I mean, how?

I just love this. It's only getting better and better the more I read. I am so impressed with everything here. The characterization, the mood, the writing itself. It all works together. And you're keeping such a steady pace, with such a gripping mystery and revealing clues at just the right moments and giving us that amazing second person point of view and this is just coming together. I've added it to my favorites, so the next time I see an update, I'm jumping on it. Thank you for your request!

 Report Review

Review #15, by crestwood A mistake

15th September 2014:
The excerpt from the Prophet was so perfect. You really nailed the way that paper is written. Their digs at the 'weary-looking Robards' and questioning of why Harry Potter, savior of the wizarding world can't catch this killer is so snarky and underhanded. Perfect for what we've seen of their brand of journalism.

Harry and Ron's laughing fit was so great! I like the way their friendship is depicted here. They're still best friends just like they were as kids and that scene just hit all of the marks.

I want to know who in the world this Old Bill is. Hmmm..

With the murder of McNair, even if it wasn't planned, the killer still has only targeted those who have wronged Harry in some way. I believe McNair tried to attack Harry in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries.

I don't know what kind of deranged person decides that they're going to target and kill Greyback of all people, but this murderer has their hands full.

So, we do have some clues here. I just can't seem to assemble them into a viable suspect yet. I'm going to be so excited when this is all revealed because it honestly has me completely stump as of now. Another great chapter!

 Report Review

Review #16, by crestwood Broken Pieces

15th September 2014:
I am really in awe of this killer's resolve. He/She's just murdering people left and right. I was very surprised about some of the things they said to Dung. They seemed to hate him just because they thought he was a bad person. (coming from a serial killer) Their anger at his abandoning of Mad Eye was shocking, but not even close to how surprising it was that they were angry about his actions leading to trouble for Harry...

So, supposedly, this person does not hate Harry, but wants him protected from people who have done bad to him? That would fit so far.. Umbridge treated him terribly, Xeno Lovegood betrayed him and Dung got him into trouble with Yaxley. Which opens up even more possible suspects.. I might even be way off. It's hard to tell. This is just so awesome.

Having Hagrid in Knockturn alley buying flesh eating slug repellent (I assume) was an awesome reference to canon!

I don't believe that Emerson did it. I think that's one of the suspects that's supposed to throw us off of the trail of the real killer. I can't wait to see what Hagrid has to say when Harry and Ron talk to him. With the sort of shady bunch he hangs around, he occasionally has some useful information. This story is just picking up more and more. Not much CC to offer here, I'm afraid.

 Report Review

Review #17, by crestwood Bitterly Truthful

15th September 2014:
When I first read about the bald man in the last chapter, my mind went straight to Dung Fletcher and it looks as though I was correct! Major personal victory there. The killer seems to be really talented with magic. The way they use nonverbal magic for their memory charm and can still make it so precise tells me a lot about their skill. It does seem as though they're very adapt at being stealthy.

So, our new list of suspects is helpful, although for some reason, I expect it to be someone closer to Harry. Also, Ron's outbursts and rumbling stomach really give me such a clear picture of his character in canon. Just great characterization with him.

I liked all of their Veritaserum answers, especially Harry's. His thoughts going into his past and then him changing his answer is exactly what he'd do. You have such a grasp of these characters. It's amazing the way you write them, I'll tell you.

I love this Ginny you've written and her relationship with Harry. This is really how I would have liked to think of them as adults, loving and intimate. Your characterization overall, is just through the roof. The pacing of the mystery is perfect, as you keep giving us more and more detail, but keep us on our feet by leaving out the crucial details and giving us so many possible answers to choose from. This has been great so far.

Author's Response: Whoo, great guess there! I won't be surprised if you end up solving this mystery before the aurors do. :D

Skills can be misleading...or not.

The veritaserum answers were a bit tricky as repetition would just make it boring. I'm glad they interested you!

From those small mentions in the books, Ginny has always been a source of comfort and support for Harry so I wanted to highlight their relationship in this as people tend to undermine it a lot.

Thank you, once again, and I can't wait to know the rest of your guesses and deductions!


 Report Review

Review #18, by crestwood Chocolate and bubbles

15th September 2014:
Wow, this story is doing nothing but improving.. I actually enjoy the short length of the chapters because it gives us this sense that everything is happening in quick bursts. I think it works well with a mystery to not give too much description and up the word count. You've definitely done so, as you've given us no description to speak of about the killer. Which, I prefer SO much more than it being obvious.

The beginning with James' birthday party was light and just so cute. It convinced me that you are probably a talented fluff writer as well if/when you try to be. But then you pulled me back to what you're doing in this story and we got another glimpse at the murderer's mind. I imagined that we were meant to be watching through a window, but I honestly can't be sure. I think the line 'for one fleeting moment it was you carrying the little boy' kind of supports the theory of the killer being a alternate personality inside of Harry, as well as his confusion afterwards, but I feel like that may be there to convince me that is the answer so you'll be able to trick me later on! The killer must be close to the family though, considering the protectiveness it feels over James. This is just so much fun to try and figure out.

This Lance Emerson they find going through Xeno's mail seems like a likely suspect, which leads me to believe that he will not be the killer. I think you're going to throw a lot of suspects at us and then hit us with a curve-ball at the last minute.

The end in which we're back in second person is really terrifying. It looks like there's going to be yet another unsolved murder. The way that you write this unnamed person really is excellent. This entire chapter was really solidly written and paced. Not one criticism for this one.

Author's Response: I love how you touch upon the aspects that worry me the most. I always thought that maybe the chapters were too short and without enough information to move the case along so thank you for clearing that up for me!

Ugh, I hate fluff. But it's a part of writing anything so I try. It's extremely hard for me though so your thoughts on that are relieving.

I love knowing what you think about the killer! It makes me give this evil laugh in my mind because I know exactly where this is headed and what details are going to be thrown out before everything's wrapped up. There's still a long way to go so be prepared for some twists and turns! :D

Hehe, not giving anything out there. ;)

Yay, thanks a lot for yet another fantastic review!


 Report Review

Review #19, by crestwood Sunshine, stay

14th September 2014:
I'm back to hopefully finish up these reviews!

I can't believe you've killed off Xenophilius Lovegood! Not who I would have guessed was on their way out next, at all.

This mystery just got even MORE interesting! The murder clearly isn't some rouge Death Eater or something, as they're freely walking around the Ministry. Of course, that could be the work of Polyjuice potion, so I suppose that isn't entirely true. Which, again completely opens the suspect list. This one's not going to be easy to guess. At least, we now know that they have access to the evidence room and Pamela will probably inform us of who that entails in the next chapter.

Your characterization of Luna is perfect. Literally exactly 100% on the dot. She's always been this cheerful, hopeful character despite the death of her mother presumably having a big effect on her young life. I love that she acknowledges the sadness, but refuses to completely break down because of it because, just as her father was there when her mother passed away, her husband and child are there now. An excellent portrayal of the way Luna would go about mourning.

Xeno's mail will be fun to read through, with no doubt. I can't wait for what they uncover! This is really so exciting and gripping already. These second person peaks into the killers mind are chilling and it all comes together perfectly already. This story really pulls you in quickly. Excellent so far.

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yeah, I've gotten a lot of hate for killing off Xeno but it had to be done.

I love it when people pick up on the details. At times I wonder whether they're too subtle or whether too few are given out, causing the interest to decline so this is really comforting.

Thank you! I remembered Luna's conversation with Harry about how the people you love never really leave and that inspired me to write her in this way. :)

Thank you so much once again! Your reviews are the best. :D


 Report Review

Review #20, by crestwood It begins with pink

14th September 2014:
Okay, first of all I am so sorry this took as long as it did. Real life started happening and I got a lot of requests for multi-chaptered fics all at once and it got a bit hectic. But, better late than never, they say.

I can't believe this is written in second person. I've never read anything on this site that did so and this is a huge surprise. Right away that pulls me in to this in a big way. The mystery is presented right here at the beginning. Who is this nameless "you." They have reason to hate Umbridge, but that doesn't narrow it down much. For some reason I felt as though it was a woman, although I am not sure why because after a second look I found no real indication of that. This 'you' had a fun time giving Umbridge a chance to fight against her before she began torturing her. That's a bit deranged, but then again, this is our murderer so the crazier the better. This person may be a handful for the Aurors.. I love that it's a canon character so I get to try and guess who it is before it's revealed, that's always fun!

I almost hope that the killer is someone that we don't expect. It could be a student that she was terrible to, it could be really any Muggleborn in the series, it could be a Death Eater that escaped prosecution. Really, it could be anyone. This will be very difficult to guess. The title of this story, We Are One, will be so interesting if Harry murdered Umbridge in some PTSD fueled rage.

Because that'd give us that idea of Harry kind of having a good and a bad side and we'd get our "we are one" moment. Of course, that's just speculation. I couldn't help myself. This has just got me thinking right now!

One tiny thing that I thought kind of stuck out: I don't think I can imagine Ron saying 'There's a lone black hair there.' For some reason that struck me as strange that he'd use the word lone. It could, of course, just be me though. Other than that little thing, Harry, Ron and Ginny were absolutely in character here. Ginny especially seemed to retain some of who she was in canon rather than fading into the background, even with less scenes than Ron or Harry.

Overall, this was really effective and well written. I haven't read a dark mystery like this for some time, but I am really excited to see what direction you take this. I wonder what kind of investigation we'll be taken along. I imagine there's a lot in store for me in the upcoming chapters. I'm so glad I finally got around to starting this, but it is now six in the morning and it looks as though I'll be continuing tomorrow. Great start here!

Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry about it. I know how things can get and I'm so glad you came to review this. I'm always open to new views and suggestions as I'm trying to make this as engrossing as possible.

Haha, second person is kind of like my MO. People are surprised when I don't incorporate it in some way or the other. :D It really helps keep the identity of the killer a secret, and I'm also trying to get the readers to relate to the killer's motivations and thought processes to make things seem more real and dark.

Ooh, a woman. Interesting. I wonder why you came to that conclusion. No one's really guessed that at first read so I'm really interested in what your ideas will be as this progresses.

Harry. That's interesting as well. I've actually considered changing the title because it kind of leads people to jump to conclusions but a lot of readers have gotten attached to the title so I think it'll remain. That's a curious speculation and I love it when people think out of the box!

Yeah, I'll be changing that soon. I want to get through the remaining chapters and then clean the existing ones up. :)

Thanks so much! I really think people don't do justice to Ginny as she's actually a great character and I wanted to bring her into this story as well to not keep the light only on the mystery. From what I've read on the archives, the pace seems to be easier to follow and more interesting when there are other elements of the characters' lives included as well.

Thanks so much for this amazing, detailed review! :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by Lostmyheart Spotted

9th September 2014:
No, Erin!!!

No cliffhangers! You nearly killed me. Bah. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon!

And sorry for taking so long with the reviewswap :D I had a lot of things going on... far too many things, so I get easily distracted. Not great, but at least I'm here now :)

ANOTHER AMAZING CHAPTER! Seriously.
Your writings is flawless I tell ya, FLAWLESS. Yup. I hope you got that, I wrote it with capital letters so you could understand how serious I was :b

I would mention my favorite parts but frankly, there are too many. (first time I've ever used the word frankly... did I use it right?)
They're all so brilliant, I like how you wrote the scene with the murderer by the cave, THE DETAILS, Erin! The pebbles, the darkness, then the lunging of claws. Ugh. Give me your skillz man, all of them. Or maybe just a dash. Anything.

I can't wait to read the rest!!

- Avi

 Report Review

Review #22, by BellaLestrange87 It begins with pink

9th September 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

I really like this first chapter. It obviously doesn't take place very long after DH, considering that Umbridge is free - I believe JKR said she went to Azkaban for her crimes against Muggle-borns during the war.

I see Umbridge is - was - as pink and nasty as usual. It's probably a good thing she's gone. Of course, that widens up the list of suspects a lot. Anybody that met her is on it.

Am I the only one that thinks Ginny has something to do with it? I thought her reaction when Harry told her about the death was weird. Ginny probably wouldn't copy Bellatrix's methods, considering she's friends with Neville, and after only one chapter there isn't a lot to go on, but I have a suspicion she's involved somehow.

The news definitely should not have gotten to the Prophet that quickly. Unless the killer worked at the Prophet? Ginny works at the D.P. as the Quidditch Reporter (I think)... Of course, I could be completely wrong, and you could be laughing while you read my review, but...

I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors, so that's good. *submits and continues reading*

~Olivia

 Report Review

Review #23, by Karou_Marauder Spotted

9th September 2014:
Hello! I really should have reviewed all the other chapters but I got so caught up in the story I had to keep on reading! And now I can take a deep breath and relax...after this CLIFFHANGER! WHY?

Ahem.

I love your pacing in this chapter. Quick and fast with the duels and slightly slower with the letter part. Very nicely done.

The imagery you use as well in the first scene with Greyback was brilliant especially when you highlighted the irony of the setting. That was a nice touch.

Now then, onto guesses...

I can think of a few people with a grudge against Greyback - Lavender Brown, for example. Although I don't think it's her as she doesn't seem to be an Auror in your story, and she doesn't have access to the records which she'd need, as Pamela recognised whoever it was.

There are plenty of others, millions in fact - anyone prejudiced against werewolves (although unlikely since they also killed Umbridge who was the personification of prejudice), an old Death Eater with a grudge, someone related to a werewolf he bit... It could be anyone.

Now I'm going to go ahead and put forward my theory. It's a strange one but hear me out, okay?

I think it was HARRY. Told you it was strange! I think Harry has some kind of split personality - one side of him is loveable and nice, the Harry we know and love. The other side is his vengueful side.

He has plenty of reasons to kill Umbridge - the pain she caused everyone in fifth year, not to mention Harry himself. Xeno...bit of an odd one, but possibly his angry half resented Xeno's betrayal whilst his nice half accepted the reasons? Xeno's the odd one out at the moment.

Then, Macnair. He was supposed to kill Buckbeak right? Again, a bit of a spanner in the works. Perhaps it's not Harry after all.

But Greyback... Harry might be angry at Greyback for biting Remus and causing him trouble, then treating people like they're free food, which are things out killer doesn't like. Hey, there's a link! All of these characters seem to have some kind of prejudice/arrogance about them that could be our killer's motivation?

Ugh, I don't know. Expect some backwards reviews in the morning!

-Karou

 Report Review

Review #24, by Midnight spark It begins with pink

7th September 2014:
Hey! Here with our review swap!

I'll start by saying: I absolutely love the beginning! It had me sitting on the edge, and I could literally see the scene play in front of me! And when it suddenly changed to the Harry scene, I was like... idk, oooh! I really don't know how to say it!

And what makes this story even better is that, even though it's a mystery is that the humor Ron and Harry has between each other and the jokes about Umbridge is still there. I am dying to know who was the murderer! I'll come back and read them all, and thanks a million for your absolutely lovely review! :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by Gabriella Hunter Bitterly Truthful

5th September 2014:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie with your review and I'm a bit early with it this time around since I'm no longer sick and able to actually move around without passing out. Hahaha. Being sick was a major pain!

Anyway, on to this! Our killer is a rather resourceful little thing, hm? I'm still trying to figure out who this could be though and its really starting to make my mind hurt--at first I thought that it was someone close to Harry and the others but now I'm wondering if it might be someone on the Auror team or perhaps someone in the Ministry? I wonder what their motive is for killing the victims and what they'll do next but what a close one Pamela had with the mysterious slayer! I'm glad that it didn't resort to violence but I wonder if she'll ever be able to remember a tiny detail about the person? Hm...

Now, I don't blame Robards for wanting to test the new Veritaserum and I know that you wouldn't have put that in unless it was going to have some major significance for later so I'm really curious on what might happen next. I think that there was a big clue dropped in there but I can't figure out what it is...

Also, the varying views on death were interesting and while some were what I expected, I was proud of Harry at the end :D

Your ending was sweetly done as well and I enjoy the little moments you have with Harry and Ginny before the darkness comes again.

Great pacing, your mystery is only deepening with the growing list of suspects and I think that you've got something great here!

Much love,

Gabbie

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>