Reading Reviews for We Are One
  
96 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lostmyheart Revealed

12th April 2015:
Hi Erin!

It's been such a long time since I've read this story and I apologize for that :(
I loved this chapter! So exciting, and what a surprise with Aberforth. He seemed so nice, then suddenly he was vague and didn't make any sense. At least to me. Again, this sort of supports my theory on Harry having two personalities, I think. Or maybe not. Because that short section, they mentioned they didn't want Potter to know, but... ARGH. I just want to know SO much, Erin! This is a real puzzle, I tell ya.

I am on to the next chapter, perhaps that'll shed some light on some of my theories.
Brilliant writing, as usual!

- Avi

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Review #2, by Aphoride A mistake

6th March 2015:
Hey there, Erin! Stopping by from BvB, since you said someone who was already reading it should drop by ;) I know I'm not as far on as you'd probably like (which I totally understand!) but hopefully I can catch up soon! :)

So, I love this story and I really shouldn't stay away so long - though the one of advantage this story has is that I always remember it so well! I'm so excited to see where this goes on from here... there are so many hints in this chapter, but nothing really solid and concrete - which is just how a good mystery should be ;)

I love how you keep slipping in the little glimpses of the murderer and their mind. They're always so fascinating and so creepy - we're not sure exactly what drives them, completely, and that just makes them almost unstable, you know? Makes it all the more likely they're going to do something worse (if that's even possible, haha). Also, it can be difficult at times to use two different pov styles, and you do it so well in this too :)

As before, I love the way you write both Harry and Ron - they're such great characters in this, and you do them both so well (which is amazing, tbh, because they're such major character) - as well as Pamela and all of the others. It's the little things which stick out - how Ron seems to be slightly afraid of Hermione haha, the way they both still find the hex on Marietta so funny even years later, how they're both embarassed when caught hugging :P (Plus, it was such a funny image! :D)

I feel so sorry for the Aurors too, with nothing to go on in the case and no real leads... so frustrating! :( Still, it's nice to see it's not always easy as pie for them ;)

The article at the beginning was brilliant - I loved that you included it, as it really gave a third dimension to this story - the population entire and how they're reacting to the murders and what's going on. Article writing is really hard, so you did so well with it, and I love how Robards, like the others, is so tired by trying to find something for the case. Poor guy :( At least he wasn't interviewed by Skeeter! :P No, seriously, it was a great article and I loved that you included it! :)

As always your writing is so good in this - the little details realy make this come alive, with the mention of the grass being flattened where the boulder was, Harry's hand trembling, all that kind of stuff... it's really so so good! :)

And thank you so much for the shoutout! Totally undeserved, but thank you anyway - I'm just so glad you enjoy things I write, it means so much! *hug* :)

Aph xx

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Review #3, by StarFeather All is fair

27th February 2015:
Oh, I didn't expect the end like this! I've thought kind of Voldemort or Dark wizard possessed Harry's mind and let him murder some of victims while he was in a state of blackout.

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Review #4, by StarFeather Sunshine, stay

26th February 2015:
Hi, I dropped to do our review swap from forums finally. :)

I've been curious about this story looking at the impressive banner, but I imagined frightful murder scenes so had avoided reading this. Then I've just read two chapters, felt it was just amazing! I thought there would be lots of cruel scenes before reading your story but you described about Harry's family in a way full of love, pictured emotional movement of each character as well, I really like that.

Flow of this mystery is very good, which invites readers to keep reading next chapter.

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Review #5, by TreacleTart Clearing Up

23rd February 2015:
Hi InfinityX,

I'm here for our review swap!

I think one of the best qualities of this chapter is the way you write the dynamic between each couple. I found their interactions to be very authentic to a normal married couple. I especially appreciated details like Ron still blushing when he compliments Hermione.

I sure hope that Harry is able to calm down a bit. It seemed like he was on the verge of confronting confronting Alex Droger. Hopefully, he doesn't start a fight.

The only critique that I have is something you've noted in your author's notes at the end of the chapter. I did find this to read fast, partially because it was enjoyable, partially because it was a lot of dialogue. I think adding in more descriptive details would help slow it down.

Overall, a very good read! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

~TreacleTart

~TreacleTart

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Review #6, by BellaLestrange87 Sunshine, stay

23rd February 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!

Man, it's been so long since I read this - I think I did the first chapter for September's BvB? - and yet I was able to pick this up right where I left off. I'm never able to do that with something I put down for that long.

I love your characterization of Harry here. He's one of the hardest characters to write EVER and yet you've written him perfectly. When he goes to leave, his first thought is to get something for his beloved wife, and then when he finds out Xenophilius has died he immediately feels sad for Luna, who is now orphaned, just like him.

And now the evidence is missing! I feel like this isn't going to be the easiest road to finding the killer - and, since I've seen your forum about me, and the quote about you killing off everyone, I feel like it's going to be a road with a high body count. Please don't kill off anybody really important.

I feel like we're getting to know the killer a bit better. I think that they're trying to act as a philanthropist, in a very twisted sense? They talk about how they want to take care of the world's mishaps... but by killing people? You've aroused my curiosity and I definitely want to keep reading.

At least Luna isn't alone, and has Rolf and Lorcan to help her. I can't wait to meet Rolf (if we do?) and see what he's like. I love how you ended on a light note, talking about Ginny's pregnancy - James?

I really don't know why I didn't reading this, but as soon as I can get time - which is not now, it's 1 AM - I'll come back and R&R.

~Olivia

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Review #7, by 800 words of heaven It begins with pink

5th February 2015:
REVIEW SWAP.

Ooh! A murder mystery! I love a good murder mystery. And Umbridge as the first victim! I think I'm supposed to feel bad for a victim of a violent crime but it's really hard when she was the perpetrator of so many violent crimes herself. Harry and Ginny are right - it's hard to know what to feel in this circumstance. Very confused is all I can say with certainty.

And Harry and Ron are on the case! Look at them being all professional and experienced at detective work! I kept on flashing back to these two running around Hogwarts in Chamber of Secrets whilst they tried to figure out how Hermione was petrified and they basically just very bravely flailed their arms around futilely. But they're all grown up now! I'm looking forward to reading more of them as senior Aurors.

As to the murderer... because that scene is written in second person, the murderer must be a member of canon. But who...? Right now, my wild guess is going to be Cornelius Fudge. I always thought he was a bit of a loon and the way Umbridge reacted... Also, how come Harry's dark magic detection spell couldn't detect the use of the Cruciatus Curse? Or was he just checking at the entrances of the house for such things?

Great start :)

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Review #8, by True Author It begins with pink

30th January 2015:
A murder mystery! I wouldn't have looked at any of your other stories even if you hadn't told me you wanted this one to be reviewed anyways. I absolutely love mysteries! Writing them can get a little boring because of the intricate planning required, but reading them is simply fun!

Anyways, this chapter was pretty intriguing. Especially because the victim is Umbridge. I mean, usually in murder mysteries the victim is so good that no one would want to kill them. But here, it's Umbridge and who wouldn't want to kill her? Even I'm kind of glad she's killed ;) Haha, so that's what I liked about it. There are so many that you can blame. That will surely help with keeping the readers hooked.

Wow, you really know how to write in second person PoV. I'm trying it for a one shot and it gets very difficult sometimes. I hope I'll be able to do it right!

Hmm. Lone black hair? Interesting! I'm thinking about all the dark haired characters from the series. I want to know who did that! The person who did it seems very cool with killing people off. I can't help but think the murderer seemed a lot like Bellatrix to me. Playing with people before killing them off. I wonder if that's possible. Probably not! :P But that's the only one I can think of right now.

I would definitely love to read a little bit more about Harry and Ginny's married life. Is it possible for you to extend the scene in this chapter a little bit? I think it will be a nice relief from the scariness of the first scene and it will be rather cute to read. :)

Overall, I did find it interesting. I'd love to come back for more! Thanks for swapping!

Ashwini

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Review #9, by Veritaserum27 Answers, Blackmail, and Consequences

28th January 2015:
Hi Erin!

Here for our review swap - and I'm so, so, so sorry that I took this long to get to it. :( I hope that this review makes up for it - a little bit.

Aww, I love how you write Harry and Ginny. Gah - they are so sweet together and romantic to. And Harry with little James. I have the feels! The Harry and Ginny and James feels! I think you've done a marvelous job capturing how much family means to Harry, here. Because he grew up without one, his own family with Ginny (and the other Weasleys) is EVERYTHING to him.

Now I'm curious - are you setting up all of this family sweetness so that the killer can threaten them? No - ERIN NO!!! I NEED MY HARRY AND GINNY TO BE OKAY!!!

Okay, I'm going to calm down now, because there's no use worrying about something that hasn't happened, right? I don't have any reason to worry about little James and Ginny - DO I ERIN?!

But I am a little more worried now because the killer has a plan - what is the plan? Yikes, this plan could go very bad for Harry.

Hmmm... I wonder why Pamela though she'd met Emerson before. There might be something to that.

Wow. I was not expecting that confession from Emerson. He really, really had a reason to kill Umbridge. And the things she was making him do to the House Elves - ugh. That woman was utterly despicable. It sounds just like her to make him cover up her dirty tracks so that she looks squeaky clean. Also, using his Muggle sister against him is plain awful.

And the dichotomy between the Harry at his house and the Harry in the interrogation room was done really well. As much has Harry loves and cherishes his family, he has an equal amount of passion and distaste for the Dark Arts. He was fed up with Emerson and his half-truths. An angered Harry is a dangerous one and you showed us that in this chapter.

As awful as Emerson is, I don't think he is the killer. He might know a bit more than he is saying right now, but I don't think he murdered anyone.

Great job Erin, as usual, you've left me with more questions, but overall, this chapter had everything - an adorable scene at the beginning, a cryptic message from the killer, and a lot of action in the interrogation room.

Great job - I can't wait to read the rest!

♥ Beth

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Review #10, by adluvshp All is fair

27th January 2015:
Hey again! Wow, what a dramatic reveal! Marietta was the killer then and she used Emerson and she did it all for Harry! Wow, who would have thought!

I really, really enjoyed reading this. I think you set up the mystery in the most brilliant way possible and revealed the killer really nicely. The whole procedures with the Aurors and all were also written well with careful details and I liked that. Your characterisations of Ron and Harry were of course brilliant.

All in all, I think this was a great story and it almost seems like the end since the mystery is solved and everything is okay. So, I'm quite curious to see what the next couple chapters hold.

I don't have any CC for you really - I think this is one of the most well-written and well-conceptualised stories I've come across on the archives. I wish my writing were as awesome as yours!

Great work!!
10/10
Cheers,
AditiDraco95

P.S. Update soon!

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Review #11, by adluvshp Revealed

27th January 2015:
Marietta, really? I didn't see that one coming. I felt like she could be the next victim, but definitely not the killer. Good shock element there!

I loved the talk between Aberforth and Harry too. I think you kept both very much in character and I enjoyed their interaction. Aberforth certainly knows something though, and I wonder what his warning meant.

Oh and I also really liked the way Ron stuttered in front of his boss and all - fits well with his characterisation. Man, you really know your canon characters xD

This was really another marvellous chapter and I am enjoying the mystery very much. I still feel like there's more to the plot than is revealed at the moment so you've great going. I love your descriptions and writing style. Favourited this story!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

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Review #12, by adluvshp Spotted

27th January 2015:
Hello! I'm back again! Ooh the plot thickens. We are close to finding out the killer now! I love the note on which you ended this chapter - it is very mysterious and exciting. I'm so curious to know what that letter says.

I also loved the beginning of this chapter. The description was very powerful and painted some vivid imagery in my mind. I never much liked Greyback but I still felt sorry for him when he died. I am so, so curious to know who the killer is - I feel like it could be Harry, but that's just so crazy!

I also love your characterisation of Ron. It is very much like him to be hard on himself in such a situation and talk of quitting. Speaking of, the chase scene was great. I loved how the action played out with Emerson escaping and all.

All in all, this was another brilliant chapter. I'm really loving the story and I'm glad I swapped with you! My story really is in no way in league with this amazingness xP

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

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Review #13, by MargaretLane All is fair

27th January 2015:
I'm kinda stumped as to who the villain is here. And actually, I'm going to wait until I've finished reading to add any more to this, because if I keep scrolling up and down, I'll see more than I want to.

Yikes! I wasn't entirely surprised by Marietta, but I sort of had it the wrong way around. When she started saying she didn't kill them and wouldn't add any more, I assumed SHE was the pawn and that she was helping the real killer in some way. It didn't occur to me that SHE was the real killer, but that somebody else had actually done the deed.

I was wondering about the whole "traitor" thing. A lot of the victims betrayed people in one way or another. As did Marietta herself, so it makes sense that she would see that as a way to atone for what she'd done.

And it certainly never occurred to me that she might be in love with Harry, but it makes sense as a motive. It DEFINITELY fits with the comments about him throughout the story and with the victims chosen.

There are a couple of sentences that I think might sound more natural if you broke them up and didn't include a mention that the person was speaking. Yeah, that sounds confusing. I'll give an example. Like instead of, "'Yeah,' said Ron, draining his coffee," it might sound better to write. "'Yeah.' Ron drained his coffee." Or "'Do you understand?' Ron used the loudest, roughest tone of voice possible."

I really like the alliteration in Raine Renaultís Robes for the Rich.

I think the revelation to this mystery works well. It's not so obvious that I was expecting it, but nor is is so obscure that it seemed to come from left-field. It had me intrigued without feeling like it was impossible to figure out.

The part about Harry being the intimidating presence amused me.

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Review #14, by adluvshp A mistake

27th January 2015:
Hello! Here for the review swap from the forums! I have read chapters 1-5 and I loved them all. I think the way you've built up the mystery, your writing style and the plot in general is very good. The characterisation of Harry is especially well done. Good job on that!

Coming to this chapter, I think this was another brilliant piece of writing. The whole second person change in POV is very interesting and it gives an intriguing insight into the person's mind. I also liked how you wrote the Daily Prophet article - it is very close to how it's written in canon.

Since Greyback is the next victim, I wonder what the killer's agenda is. It looks like the killer is targeting 'traitors'. Noble cause but creepy means. I also wonder what's up with Harry. There're so many questions that arise when reading this story, and that's a good thing because it's a mystery. I'm loving the thrill that comes with reading this!

All in all, this is a great story and I'm having a lot of fun reading this. I hope it's okay that I decided to review Chapter 6. It's a later chapter in my opinion. But hopefully, i'll be back to review the remaining chapters as well.

Thanks for swapping!

Cheers,
AditiDraco95

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Review #15, by missatron It begins with pink

23rd January 2015:
Hi there! This is Missy here for our review swap. I decided to read this story because it looked intriguing.

First of all, I'd like to say how much I love reading murder mysteries. That's why I chose this story. It is full of them!

I liked how at the start, it was written in the second person, and gave us a tiny flash of the murder. It was good because it built up tension for the actual murder itself. I liked this because it grabbed me in and didn't let go. The subtle hints about Umbridge were all very well written too. Even the chapter title was 'It begins with pink', which made me think of Umbridge. To be honest, I'm not that sad about her death (it sounds mean, but she really was horrible). Really, there are so many characters who could have killed her - she was very unpopular.

I think that the only thing that could use a bit of work is your characterisation. So, using Harry, Ron and Ginny, it's pretty easy to describe their personalities, as it has already been done for you. You need to describe what they look and feel like: are they sad? Do they look energetic? What have they just been doing? Etc. try to make the characters look 3D in the reader's head, as well as your head. I hope that helped you.

Overall, this was a great read! I absolutely loved this opening chapter. Hopefully, I'll come back for more soon,

Missy ♥

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Review #16, by horcruxxx Answers, Blackmail, and Consequences

7th January 2015:
I really hope you post next chapter soon, it's very addicting and very nice to read :)
and I admire anyone who can write a good mystery story, I think it's harder than any other genre.

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Review #17, by horcruxxx Bitterly Truthful

7th January 2015:
Your story is very interesting, great idea and well written.
And this chapter was great, you impressed me with how you thought everything through. Especially the part when you figured out the entire procedure to take Veritaserum (two witnesses and all).
Can't wait to read more :)

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Review #18, by Freddie Answers, Blackmail, and Consequences

7th January 2015:
Write I have know what is going on. Make Ron stronger personality , not wimp.

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Review #19, by Freddie Chocolate and bubbles

6th January 2015:
Is Robard or harry the killer? Keep writing.

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Review #20, by Fredd Sunshine, stay

6th January 2015:
I enjoy your style of writing.

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Review #21, by Freddie It begins with pink

6th January 2015:
Nicely done, I want to read more.

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Review #22, by crestwood Revealed

24th December 2014:
Hi Erin!

I can't believe who the killer is!! Or should I say looks to be--there's always a chance that you're tricking us. After all, there are ways to look like another person in the Wizarding world.

There's something special about the way you describe Robards for some reason. I like the language you use when talking about his physical appearance.

This conversation makes me think that maybe she did do what they're thinking of, but she's not alone, maybe? If she's working as a part of something bigger, that would make this that much more interesting. I can't wait to see where you go with all of that. It's clear you've got a good grip of where you want to go with this story, so I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I've always really liked the idea of the Hog's Head. I was super excited when it became important in Deathly Hallows. It's just kind of a cool place.

Okay, Old Bill's identity was unexpected, but awesome. He's always been one of my favorite characters. So cool, in his own reserved way. This new name makes a lot of sense for him to do because of how much he hates publicity. Although, his words make me believe that there's something he's not telling Harry. Very interested in what will be revealed in coming chapters. This was excellent, I'll be back soon!

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Review #23, by TheHeirOfSlytherin It begins with pink

23rd December 2014:
Hey! Sam here.

Harry and murder/mystery. My two favorite things. :D

This was definitely an intriguing start. I especially love the use of second person for the murderer (who is canon? *brain starts turning with suspects*). Second person is perfect for creepy, in my opinion, and this guy - or girl? - is definitely creepy.

Umbridge got what was coming to her. But I am very excited to find out why this particular person wanted her dead enough to actually kill her.

I'm so excited for this story and I can't wait for more!

Sam.

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Review #24, by Aphoride Broken Pieces

16th December 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for the BvB Review Battle! :)

Oh no, I actually liked Dung! :( Pretty disappointed that it happened to him - though I kinda expected it after the last chapter. Still... :(

I like how the murders are so varied - they're all connected, and done with some similarities between them, but none of them are completely identical. As a set-up, it reminds me a lot of Jack the Ripper in London, you know, with the different places and situations and things. It's so great! Plus, I love all the images of the Aurors trying to work out what's going on and who's doing it.

With the connection - ooh, they all seem to be people who've hurt Harry, or led to Harry being hurt or nearly being hurt/killed... hm... maybe that's it... in which case, I guess Draco Malfoy should be worried :P Not sure who else could be a victim or why anyone would be that dedicated to protecting Harry's life like that... hm...

All the little canon details in here are so good. I loved how Hermione kinda barged her way into the case as well, haha - seems like something she'd do! And how Ron asked her to lunch randomly, how Hagrid was buying repellant down in Knockturn Alley like in CoS ;)

I feel so sorry for all the Aurors, getting so tired and so stressed with things... such a difficult case, and one which would go high-profile quickly, too, so people would be complaining about it not getting sorted out quickly enough and everything...

I'm so so curious to see what happens next! If there's another murder, so soon, or if they get a break and time to think about it, what happens when they interview Hagrid, if they get to interview Emerson and just, well, everything. The killer's bits are so creepy, too - like, well-intentioned, in a way, and that just makes it worse, you know?

So yeah, I'm so hooked on this story, still. Love it! :)

Aph xx

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Review #25, by Aphoride Bitterly Truthful

11th December 2014:
Hi there - dropping by again for BvB! :D It really does give me such a good excuse for coming back to this story *shoves Constitutional Law back under her bed* ;)

I really love how you're developing this so carefully - it's so thought-out and so planned, you know, like the murders themselves, it's almost eerie in that sense, but it suits the story so well! There's this lovely layer to this too - this sort of feeling that at any moment anything could happen. All we know is that the murderer has black hair, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything - this is world with Polyjuice and all sorts of things... You just make me so on edge for this, and it's so good! :)

Your characterisation again is so on point, with Ron and Harry and the rest of them, but I kinda wanna talk about the murderer a bit. It's just so good and so clever of you, because even though you're writing them in second person, so it feels very familiar in that sense, it doesn't because I genuinely have no idea who it could be. Somehow, you're writing in second person and there's no clues. Nothing at all. Not even a potential hint. It's amazing. Truly. (Even though it is a little infuriating, coz I wanna know! Haha!).

The only thing I'd say is that the Veritaserum questioning (and I'm only saying this coz you asked about it :P) seems a bit too... easy to me? I dunno, it's meant to be this thing where you say what you mean, what you feel, without thinking, without filtering, and the scene doesn't quite convey that to me? It's just my opinion, though, I don't know about others...

As always, your writing is lovely. It's so concise and I'm so jealous of your ability to do that - to pack so much action into so few words without skimping on the quality of them. It's amazing.

I'm so, so curious to know what happens next. You've left so many little threads hanging - with the black hair, Pamela meeting the murderer, the list of suspects... just everything. I really have no idea what's going to happen next and it's such a good feeling for this type of story! :)

(Also, is it weird that I kinda hope Mundungus Fletcher doesn't die? I always kinda liked him, haha)

So yeah, I'm still loving this story - it's so good! :)

Aph xx

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