Reading Reviews for Outside
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Prison

6th May 2016:
Hello again! I wanted to AT LEAST leave you one more review for now, and I'm hoping when my schedule clears up a bit I'll be able to come back and leave you quite a few more. Because seriously, no amount of reviewing could ever possibly thank you enough for your contributions to keeping this place going! *hug*

And after reading this and Schrodinger's Cat I definitely know that I need to read more of your work! OH my gosh, Kevin, this is brilliant!

I've seen SO many different takes on Lucius - some that portray him as just flat out evil until the very end, some that portray him having a change of heart and honestly really just loving his son, but this is something just entirely different altogether! You've portrayed Lucius for what he really IS for most of the series, and you've done it quite perfectly. The way he purposely manipulated Draco into becoming a Death Eater.. just.. Gah! You hit the nail on the head with his characterization!

You also did a great job, once again, of painting a picture for me with your words - I could picture everything in my mind so perfectly, and the emotions that you portrayed here really made me imagine Lucius walking around with just this flat out EVIL look on his face - you really are a master of emotion and description!

I think the thing that stood out to me most, before the ending, that is, is how Lucius despises Narcissa's coddling Draco and treating him like a child. We don't really see that attitude from him much in the series, but I think he'd DEFINITELY be like that, especially in the presence of others.

And then, that ending. Just... just WOW. You show Lucius coming to regret his decision, and realizing that even if Voldemort takes over, it won't be how he's imagined it... but the ONLY reason he regrets it is because he won't have power like he thought he would - it's not for the sake of the wizarding world or even the sake of his family - he ONLY regrets it because he won't have power. The power has just consumed him SO completely that it can reach him when nothing else can. I think that's VERY in-character for Lucius, very realistic, and I can honestly imagine something like this moment being EXACTLY what caused the change in him that we see at the end of DH.

I just don't even know what else to say... you've once again just blown my mind with your amazing work. BRILLIANTLY done!

Author's Response: Howdy again!

I wanted so long ago to thank you for this, but I'll do it now! While it's far from my favorite work, it was never judged and so I never really know much about how it plays with people.

The comments about Lucius being believably portrayed feel really good as a result. I honestly don't spend much time writing people I'd consider just...BAD. But if I thought there was one (1) character who'd be the Frank Underwood, cutthroat power-monger in the series it HAD to be Lucius for me. You're absolutely right about him being willing to sacrifice anything for power and indeed, he's more distraught at the loss of that potential and the loss of his dreams of pureblooded perfection with himself near the forefront than he is about the way he's torn his family apart and scarred his son.

Thanks again for the R&R!

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Review #2, by randomwriter Prison

27th September 2014:
Hi hi hi Kevin! Happy (belated) birthday :D Here's a small gift because I'm a generous soul (or so I'll say, for today) :p Doing a quick one because it's quite late and I have tons of work to do.

I know how much you hate the first person POV, and you might know how much I love it. I hope you've converted by now. It's so effective, and it's also a great way to establish your main character. Once again, you've done a great job of wielding this POV, and I hope you write more stories from the first person point of view.

Anyway, moving onto this. I think it's a great missing moment from the series. Obviously taking over the ministry is a huge deal, and you've handled it quite well. Your writing is, as usual, very clear and crisp and I love how well it flows. It's very easy to read and it goes smoothly. At no point did I feel like it was heavy or choppy. It reads well.

Your choice of Lucius Malfoy for the narrator was interesting. I've never actually come across one written from his POV before, so I applaud you for being bold enough to pick him. As for writing him, you've done a great job! The speech patters and the thoughts were so in character and even his emotions, really. Lucius had lost so much after falling from grace, Voldemort's eyes, and his reaction to that has been captured particularly well. The resentment in his tone, and the last couple of paragraphs, where he realises that in the grand scheme of things, they are all mere pawns, doing Voldemort's bidding, were written very well. I think they helped establish his character further. To add to this, the contempt he harboured for the other death eaters was a nice touch. It made his character more believable. Great job! You asked about Voldemort? I think his speech is perfect and there's this cold and arrogant feel around him that you've captured well. For me, Draco could have been slightly better established. For most part, you did well. I just thought that some subtle tweaks here and there could certainly add to what you've created. For example, I like that you've written about his reactions in a childlike fashion, that is appropriate for his age. How about adding to that? Like when he asks his father about Voldemort's return, initially I was wondering why he was so excited. Then when you added in that line about things being better like before it made sense. That's what matters to him. Maybe you could also add in a line about how Harry was going to go down or something there? I'm sure those thoughts were in Draco's mind. Or some detail about him smirking in the photo alongside the minister. Anyway, these are small touches. For most part, characterisation of all the characters was pretty well handled.

I did spot some typos:
There had been a time when the fear my word struck into their heartís was second only to that caused by the Dark Lord himself. It should read 'hearts', not 'heart's'.

Surrounded by bloodthirsty fools who had served the Dark Lord for far less time and far less effectively but now stood above him, the photographs mocked me. Above him? Shouldn't it say above me? This confused me slightly.

Nodding curtly, she sat primly in the chair next to mine, once again keeping Draco at a distance. I think you meant to say that she was keeping him close? This sentence reads as if she left a considerable distance between them.

These are only minor errors, of course. They detract nothing from how well-crafted this story is. Good job, Kevin. And seriously, do write in the first person POV some more! :)

Author's Response: Howdy Adi! Thank you so much! And even more so for taking time out of what sounds like some real craziness to do it.

First, I must put this myth to bed once and for all! I do NOT hate first-person! Just before HPFF I basically never wrote in first-person (though I've since remembered that Apogee was actually NOT the first time - I wrote an OF short story in college that was first-person). Anyway, all this rambling is to say that I actually do write in it quite a bit now! Just not for my longer stuff.

On to your splendid review! Thank you very much for leaving a review on this lonely story. I cranked it out under immense time pressure for a challenge that never ended up getting results because I think there were only two entries :p Thus the typos. It's a poor excuse, but thank you for pointing them out. The last one actually...UGH...just bad writing. The thought I meant to express was that Narcissa was keeping Draco constantly close to her but once again at a distance from Lucius...but I can see that as written it is wrong.

I'm really glad you thought Lucius and Voldemort were characterized well though. As for Draco...those are really good tips. I tend to have blinders about Draco (trying to ignore all things him for the most part) because I actually DO hate him.

What all this secondary set of rambling is meant to say is thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful, detailed review on this lonely, rogue little story buried on my AP. I really appreciate the feedback and the gifting spirit behind it! You are awesome!

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Review #3, by Josette_Phoenix Prison

10th July 2014:
Hey :)

I'd just like to start off with saying that your writing style is excellent. It is lucid and clear to understand but is balanced perfectly with great insight and detail. A very easy read without being mind-numbing - that's when you can tell it's good writing :D

You've perfectly captured Lucius's persona here, with cold pride and condescension absolutely oozing out of him. But I particularly like how you've managed to make him so cold and up himself in a completely logical way - I mean, I was so inside his head that I totally understood why he is such a jerk. The phrase "prescience to maintain their purity amidst flagging moral standards" is gold. It makes it seem so normal, so right, that he's on Voldemort's side - I mean, even though the whole time I totally knew he was a baddie. If that makes sense?

Anyway. The flashbacks worked well, it's was a great then-and-now comparison and helps the reader clearly gage the massive difference between the glory days and the Malfoys' fall from grace, and the impact upon the family. Good job!

I don't think you need to worry about your interpretation of Voldy. He was perfect :) I love Lucius's "elegant, snake-like tone that had once enthralled me" - it really hit home how much he idolised Voldemort.

Thanks for this intriguing insight into one of the most complex families in HP!! I really enjoyed it.


Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks so much for your kind words about my writing!

I actually wrote this under a severe time-crunch for a challenge that never ended up getting judged, and given that it hasn't gotten much feedback, I have always wondered what those proud few who have read it have thought of it.

I'm very glad to hear that you thought the characterizations were believable and that you found the flashbacks useful. I was somewhat flying blind with both because when I wrote this I had: (1) never written from a "bad guy" POV and (2) never written anything with real flashbacks. I definitely wanted to capture the contrast with Lucius between what once was and what is now, and so it's encouraging that you thought it worked. Phew.

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #4, by lumos_knox Prison

16th May 2014:
Hi, it's me from the review swap!
Ooh, I am liking this.
Very smooth and classy indeed. I like how it seems Draco is a much more eager, sort of more colourful soul outside of Hogwarts where he is usually cool and aloof. I'm also loving that little part of Lucius that whispers quietly throughout the story that shows he cares for his wife and child.

The description was very beautiful, and you have captured Lucius Malfoy perfectly!

Thanks for writing
- lumos

Author's Response: Howdy! Thanks for the swap! I rarely get beaten to the punch on these, but I promise you'll have yours once I get off work today.

I'm glad you picked this story because I've gotten precious few reads and precious little feedback on it and it was one I haven't felt too sure about. Capturing Lucius and his relationship with Draco was definitely something I wrestled with so I'm glad you thought it came off! And I'm glad too that Draco was believable being different at home than he behaved at school (at least what we saw of how he behaved from Harry's POV).

Thanks for your kind review!

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Review #5, by CambAngst Prison

7th May 2014:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I really enjoy stories where the Malfoys or other prominent Death Eaters are finally forced to get a grip, so to speak. Lucius is a less common choice for the main character than Draco or Narcissa, but that made it all the more interesting for me. He was such a broken man by the start of Deathly Hallows, resigned to his station near the bottom of the Death Eater totem pole. I can see a lot of that in this story, even though he's struggling mightily to keep up that carefully crafted Malfoy facade.

You did a nice job with the storytelling technique, switching back and forth between current events and recollections of the past. The specific flashbacks you chose added to the heavy sense of regret that permeates Lucius's thoughts in the present time. We see him bringing Draco along, grooming him for the role he's expected to play and the station he's expected to attain after the Dark Lord takes over the world. Juxtaposing that with the humiliation he suffers made for a great contrast.

It was interesting to see Lucius being so honest with himself. It's a capacity that you were never sure that he had while reading the books because you were never inside his head and he certainly wasn't going to publicly let on to his doubts and insecurities. I thought you did a good job of writing him and balancing his private thoughts with the front he presents to the world.

I saw a couple of things that might be typos as I was reading:

There had been a time when the fear my word struck into their heartís was second only to that caused by the Dark Lord himself. -- their hearts

Surrounded by bloodthirsty fools who had served the Dark Lord for far less time and far less effectively but now stood above him, the photographs mocked me. -- but now stood above me?

Otherwise, you did a great job with this. Good luck in your challenge!

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm glad you liked the story and enjoyed the choice of Lucius. The minute I got the quote, for some reason he was the character I instantly thought of, so I went with it. The mix of resignation, regret, and his compulsion to keep up appearances was definitely what I was going for so I'm glad it came through.

I'm also glad you liked the switching back and forth. It's the first time I've done it and honestly I wasn't particularly sure about it, especially given that I was wrestling with whether I was getting Lucius right throughout.

For me, with Lucius, I think by this point he couldn't avoid being honest with himself, but that we didn't see it because he was still unprepared to be honest with anyone else, even his wife and son about the depth of his fall from grace. Obviously they feel it and understand it in their own way, but I think he would be too proud to admit it to them. I wanted him to be just slightly beyond the point where he had accepted it himself, so hopefully I got there.

As for the typos, you got me. Normally I am done well in advance of the challenge deadline, but I had to rush a bit to finish this one and so I've wound up with that dastardly apostrophe and horrific break in first-person - UGH.

But I'm glad you liked it anyway! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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