Reading Reviews for Year One: The Magic Begins
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane You're just as sane as I am

2nd October 2014:
Hmm, this is a rather intriguing chapter title.

And hmm, again the comment about her father not being sane is interesting. I like the way you just mention that casually and intrigue us.

I get the feeling there's more to this character than meets the eye. She obviously wasn't happy at home, but she doesn't seem particularly happy at Hogwarts either. She has some similarities with Harry - being raised by somebody she doesn't get on with and having lost a parental figure with whom she might. Or maybe not. I am wondering whether her mother was forced to leave for some reason or if the father found some way of ensuing he got custody. If the mother deliberately left her daughter with a guy who seems pretty dodgy and never contacted her, it doesn't say much about the mother either.

But it may not be that simple. Maybe she couldn't contact her for some reason or maybe she didn't know what the father was like. Maybe the father isn't even as bad as his daughter considers him.

OK, you've really started me speculative, because you keep hinting at things but leaving it vague, which not only tempts the reader to read on, so as to figure out what is going on, but also makes sense. Your character KNOWS what she is talking about, so she doesn't need to think about it in detail.

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Review #2, by MargaretLane Courage

2nd October 2014:
Wow, this chapter is a lot longer than the previous ones. Between that and the title, I have a feeling THINGS WILL START TO HAPPEN in this.

One thing: it might be helpful if you gave some indication within each chapter as to who is speaking. I don't mean you have to start with "Grace's POV" or anything. It's possible to do it more subtly than that. But when it's just in the chapter summaries, you don't see who it is unless you look back to the chapter page before reading each chapter.

I had to laugh at the comments about Sam being a metamorphmagus. Yes, the changed hair colour just MIGHT give it away.

And the idea of a Muggleborn metamorphmagus is really interesting. It must have been pretty difficult for his parents to explain that to friends and relatives. You could actually write a pretty amusing story about his infancy.

You characterise her mother SO well. The formality of her speech, the way she signs herself "mother" rather than "mum", the lacy handwriting, her assumption that Hogwarts will change things simply on her say-so...they all give us a good impression of the type of person she is. And she hasn't even physically appeared in the chapter, nor has anybody directly described her.

I'm guessing the drawing it out has something to do with Cleveland accents or something like that?

You have full stops at the end of some pieces of dialogue where there shouldn't be, like "'well, obviously she should be in Slytherin.' Says my mother." "Says my mother" is not a full sentence on its own; it's part of the previous sentence, so there should be a comma after "Slytherin" and a small "s" on "says."

I love McGonagall's comment about how students are not permitted to just change houses. Her calm certainty sounds just like her.

Well done to McGonagall for giving her the points. And again, it is completely in character for McGonagall to quote Dumbledore and refer to him as "a wise man".

In "one's parents," there should be an apostrophe before the "s" in "one's" as the parents belong to the person.

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Review #3, by MargaretLane First Day at Hogwarts.

2nd October 2014:
I'm amused by the comment that the red-heads must have some kind of secret society as they all seem to know each other.

The second time you've written "you're wand" instead of "your wand". "You're is short for "you are."

I always enjoy seeing new teachers. It's interesting to see what kind of personalities people develop for them. Professor Barrow seems kind of nice so far, although that staring thing is a bit weird. Hmmm.

I would like to see a little more of the class and what she is like as a teacher. I guess we'll see more of her later.

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Review #4, by MargaretLane The Sorting Ceremony

2nd October 2014:
I love sorting chapters. It always gives you quite an insight into characters to see what houses they are in. And especially with the triplets, it'll be interesting to see if they are in the same houses or different ones.

Does your main character know the Malfoys or not. In the first chapter, it seemed like she'd never seen Lucius Malfoy before, as I think she described him as a blond haired man, which she'd hardly do if she knew his name and she seemed surprised by his attitude towards the Potters and Weasleys, which wouldn't be much of a surprise if she knew Scorpius, given HIS attitudes. But now it seems like she knows him, unless she's just going off his attitude in the last chapter.

She shouldn't really be able to hear what the Sorting Hat says to her sister, apart from the house it calls out, I don't think. After all, Harry didn't hear what it said to anybody else during his sorting.

I like the difference you've already indicated between her two sisters. It seems like Brooke is a typical Slytherin, whereas Erin is mostly concerned with making her family happy. I guess loyalty to a pureblood family could be seen as a Slytherin trait, but in a different way and it could also be seen as a Hufflepuff one.

I've a feeling Grace is going to surprise everybody and end up in Gryffindor.

OK, she sure did surprise everybody, me included. I hadn't expected that. I really like it though. It creates a bit of a surprise. Slytherin or Gryffindor would have been expected.

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Review #5, by MargaretLane The Hogwarts Express

2nd October 2014:
Actually, I'd like to see a little more of the other two triplets. I guess we will as the story moves on, but I'm rather intrigued about them.

*laughs at how Scorpius asks for their blood status before deciding whether or not to sit with them* Again you give us a real insight into his character straight off. Scorpius is one of the characters whose portrayal differs most from one fanfic to another. In some he is best friends with Albus and Rose, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen here. *laughs*

I wonder if he is going to be just like his father or if there are going to be differences.

And yikes that bit about him WISHING he was a Death Eater is creepy. Maybe he's just trying to sound tough, but still.

Are the Death Eaters still around in this story or has calling somebody a Death Eater just become a term of insult for people with pureblood prejudice? I could well see the latter happening, but a story where the Death Eaters still exist in some form or there is some type of neo-Death Eater organisation could be interesting too.

Hmm, this character really DOES seem to have an interesting background.

And the only reason she's going to Hogwarts is to get away from her father. So she doesn't actually WANT to learn magic. That's interesting and not exactly surprising. I'd imagine a lot of Muggleborns would have reservations about going away to a boarding school they'd never heard of and leaving their family, friends and home behind to learn things they'd never even heard of before. And I'd say their parents would have even more reservations.

*laughs at her wanting to be in a house with red*

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Review #6, by MargaretLane King's Cross Station

2nd October 2014:
Love the introduction of triplets. When I first heard the "our" birthday, I was sort of thinking "oh, twins again." Not that there's anything wrong with writing about twins, but they seem to turn up a lot, whereas I have NEVER before seen a story about triplets at Hogwarts.

You achieve a really conversational tone here, so that I can actually imagine the character speaking and I really like her comments about reading the History of Magic textbook. That gives a real insight into her character - not just the fact that she's read it but the way she talks about having done so and even the words she uses.

For such a short chapter, you have really given a sense of the character's voice.

I like the way Draco says almost the exact same thing as Ron does. It kind of indicates they are more alike than either of them might like to admit.

The only thing that seems a bit out of place is Draco saying that Scorpius has his mother's brains. It makes sense for Ron to say that as Ron is well aware he is less intelligent than Hermione and doesn't even value book learning all that much anyway, but with Draco's arrogance, I would expect him to take credit for it if his son turned out to be particularly intelligent. I also think he would expect his son to be intelligent. I'd expect him to more say something like, "luckily, you're as intelligent as might be expected from a member of both the Malfoy and Greengrass families" and then maybe add on something like, "your mother got all Os in her N.E.W.T.S., you know. I'm sure you'll do likewise."

Of course, Draco might well have changed as a result of his experiences in Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows and also just from maturing, so this may be simply due to how you are portraying him in this story. But it just sounded a little un-Draco-like.

I also think the part where she is talking about how the Weasleys, Potters and Longbottoms are heroes could be given a little more detail. The "what is he? A Death Eater?" seems to be just a sort of throw-away comment and I'd expect her to have a bit more reaction if THAT thought crossed her mind.

I do like the way you've referred to Neville not getting as much attention as the Trio. It's kinda typical really, isn't it? Poor Neville. Although maybe he'd prefer not to be the centre of attention.

And I think you have managed to give a bit more insight into your character based on the fact she thinks he deserves more attention.

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Review #7, by inTHEevent The Sorting Ceremony

17th May 2014:
Wow, I really like your humour and energy! When you write, the narrator just feels so alive, and her reactions to Hogwarts' particularities are sincerely hilarious! I'm also really intrigued by why/how she can see Thestrals... To be continued?

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