Reading Reviews for Gypsy of Egypt
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by aurorasoltice A Deviant

23rd June 2014:
Now that was interesting. When we thought we can finally see the good side of persia, everyhing goes black. Surprise surprise. Love the story :D

Author's Response: ThHhannk yooou fooorrr revvviewwwinng! *lights shines down from the heavens* Thank you a ton. I began thinking the story wasn't good enough. BUT I am VERY happy to hear you find it interesting! and are you accusing Persia? lol You'll be surprised next chapter! Thanks again for reviewing! =D

 Report Review

Review #2, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF A Deviant

22nd June 2014:
glad to see how she feels finally. And despite the fact she is like a con artist and steals, she has a sad history which explains her as a character. enjoy this chapter. look forward to more

Author's Response: Yes, although she has a sad history, she is still carefree. But it is obvious she is hiding and burying what she feels a lot of the time. Another chapter coming soon. Thanks for R&R! =D

 Report Review

Review #3, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF Didn't Even Know Her Name

22nd June 2014:
great chapter. you could tell there is a force of attraction b/t the two especially with Albus who finds her a mystery. He'll will continue to look for her.

Author's Response: YES, there is a force of attraction since he never met anyone like her! But she won't remain a mystery forever! He'll find out more and more about her.

 Report Review

Review #4, by Infinityx Gold-Galleons

20th May 2014:
Hello, hello! I know this is way way way too late, and I am so sorry! I'm currently reviewing your story on my phone since I'm in a place with no wifi and can't access the site on my laptop. So please do ignore any typos or silly errors. :P

Anyway. On to the review. I think the premise of your story is FANTASTIC. I love stories that explore a new culture and this drew me in from the very beginning.

Everything in this chapter was so unusual and intriguing. I love the way it begins, with the description about gold. It was something different and your descriptions were lovely! Now one thing I noticed there was:
So silent, it's sometimes goes unnoticed. Or at least for Albus it didn't.
You've typed it's, but it should be it . And I think you mean did not didn't I think you could actually remove that last sentence and leave it at it sometimes goes unnoticed. Then the scene shifts to Albus. That seems a bit more effective to me, but that's a matter of personal choice, you don't have to agree. :)

I noticed some places with unnecessary commas or semicolons in the place of commas. I prefer not to nitpick so much in reviews, so if you'd like me to point out the particular places, PM me.

I absolutely adore your descriptions. ADORE them. Your imagery is so powerful, and there are such exquisite details in this chapter that I felt like I was transported to that place and was watching the dancer and everything else, myself. Fantastic!

Albus felt himself already getting burnt with red. Tiny thing here. Burnt with red doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant burnt red? Or you could try rephrasing it. Then there's that bit about Albus Nothing nobody ever wanted. You're using a double negative there. It should be Nothing anybody ever wanted.

He though noticed the twinkle of light. That though is unnecessary. Small errors while typing, happens to everyone. :) Then you've used the word embezzling in the wrong context. I find it helpful to use a thesaurus when I'm not sure of the right word to use. It really helps a lot!

There are some more tiny errors which I'd be glad to help you clean up if you'd like. So PM me if you do. :)

Other than the things mentioned above, I didn't spot anything else major. Your plot is enticing and is completely different to anything I've read so far! Your characterizations are great and I'm looking forward to see how the story will go on! This is such an interesting story line and I think there'll be a lot of exciting adventures coming up. That gypsy girl seems like such an interesting and different character, and I'm extremely interested to see how things between her and Albus will progress! Why has she got her eye on Albus? What happened to make the fortune teller end the session so abruptly? There's such an aura of mystery behind that gypsy girl and I'm full to the brim with questions! This story is going on my reading list straight away! And like I said before, you've got some FABULOUS descriptions going on there, and this chapter really made me eager to read on. Just get a beta and clean up the little bits so that they don't disrupt the flow, for this is an amazing, unique story!

I hope this review was helpful, and not too harsh! All my CC comes with hugs and cookies. :) Once again, sorry for the long wait! *insert heart symbol here which I don't know how to do* :P

~Erin

Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much! =D Your review really encourages me to continue to write this story! I'm glad you think the imagery is great as well as the plot and characters. ^__^ And thank you so much for pointing on the grammar and weird wording I had used. If you don't mind me PMing you, I will to look over the mistakes I made. THANKS SO MUCH! TALK TO YOU SOON! =D

 Report Review

Review #5, by papilio Gold-Galleons

11th May 2014:
well well well this was.AMAZING!! I don't really read these storys but this was fantastic to read (I normally read dramione, your one of course), I love the way everything is described I sounded rich and beautiful. glad to have two hpff to read now and both are yours lol

Author's Response: OMG I am glad you think so b/c I am on the fence of the success of this stories, BUT I have alot of Drama-packed plans for this. I am also a avid dramione reader, but I love writing about other characters as well! =) Yes, I was very attentive to the imagery of this to set the stage so I am drop-dead happy that you found it to be "rich and beautiful" =D Thanks so much for R&R! ^___^ >

 Report Review

Review #6, by Tris  Gold-Galleons

10th May 2014:
Hmm... I am not sure about this one. I know it is just a first chapter. It is very different so maybe it will be fresh and exciting? I am not so sure about this one whereas I instantly loved everything else you wrote (please do not be offended). I do believe however that this has potential, if you are the one writing it, because your stories are all phenomenal.

Author's Response: I don't feel offend at all! Thank you for reviewing and checking it out though. I have actually alot in store for this story, but I completely understand if you aren't interested. I also feel there this will be a lot more adventurey in the beginning and drama toward the end. But as I said I really appreciate you R&R! =D

 Report Review

Review #7, by marauderfan Gold-Galleons

3rd May 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for your requested review!

Wow, I really like the premise of this fic, it's very unusual and original, everything from the setting to the characters.

I know you didn't say anything about description in your areas of concern, but I just wanted to point them out. Your descriptions of Egypt, settings and clothing and everything, are very detailed. I love that you covered more than just the visual sense - you included how hot it is, the sound of the gold dropping, so it's very easy to imagine the scene in my mind and feel like I'm there. Nice job.

You asked about the plot, and I think it seems great so far. I like the originality of it, and the as yet unnamed gypsy OC is really interesting. I like her, even though she stole all of Albus' money and isn't actually that nice - I think she'll be a great character! The scene at the end when she sees (I'm assuming) herself in the crystal ball made me think of this 60's song "Fortune Teller" where the singer ends up falling in love with a manipulative fortune teller :P sorry, off topic. I am eager to see how things develop between the gypsy girl and Albus though!

There are a few places that had slightly odd word choice. Here: Albus felt himself already getting burnt with red -- Red isn't something that burns you - I think just the order is weird here. Maybe if you just rephrased it, like "Albus could already feel his skin prickling with a red burn."

And here: He pushed the curtain of the purple tent, embezzled in gold -- Embezzling is acquiring funds by means of fraud, which I don't think is what you mean here as you are describing a tent. Perhaps you could say "adorned in gold"?

also, "templates" should be "temples".

One thing I was thinking about in all the discussion of money... In the Muggle world at least, Egypt and the UK use different currency, so I was a little surprised that wizards use Galleons in Egypt rather than something else. Anyway, just something I happened to think about. Of course, it's totally possible that wizards everywhere use the same currency - I don't believe there's anything about it in canon so you really can do what you want here.

I hope this review is helpful! This is a great start here, nice work. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^__^ Your reivew is extremely helpful. I am super happy that my details of the scene is on point. And the plot. I was really iffy about the plot, but your opinion gave me confidence. And no it's not going off topic, I actually just listened to the song now =D And you are right, she did see herself so I am glad that is clear as well. And thank you for pointing out the weird choice of words and the mistake I made. I will edit it now, thanks to you and now I have an idea of things to look out for. Yes, you are right, but I kept the wizarding money b/c I figured the wizarding community might be a lot more connected than the rest of us and it is also a smaller community. Thanks so so so much for R&R! You were incredibly helpful!

 Report Review

Review #8, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF Gold-Galleons

29th April 2014:
The first chapter was great. Looking forward to read more! Please update soon. This story looks promising.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! For all your support =)♥

 Report Review

Review #9, by seizethemoment Gold-Galleons

28th April 2014:
Very good, I like where this is going. I look forward to reading more :)

~Sieze

Author's Response: Thanks so much for being the first review! It means a ton! I'm glad you think it is good. It is very encouraging! I'm already almost done with chapter 5 so there certainly be more!

Once again, thank you for R&R! =D


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login