Reading Reviews for Gypsy of Egypt
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dinthemidwest End of a Friendship?

25th October 2016:
I really enjoyed the description of the Egyptian markets & the overall story-very unique!! Keep going !

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Review #2, by blackzero End of a Friendship?

8th July 2016:
I am a first time reader. I thoroughly enjoyed reading all at one go.Please continue.I would like 100 chapter but it's unrealistic to ask. Keep the story length to point the point where you can complete it enjoying.Thank for this excellent read.


Author's Response: Haha IDK if I can make it 100 chapters, but thanks so much for reading. Seriously! And especially for the review!

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Review #3, by Bri End of a Friendship?

5th July 2016:
I am loving this story 😁
Keep it up, love!

Author's Response: Aw thanks! I promise I will. I will update VERY soon! xoxo

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Review #4, by GinnyPotter29 End of a Friendship?

10th June 2016:
Just read this story in one go! i'm really intrigued to see how it
progresses I never normally read out of hogwarts based stories
but I'm really enjoying this!! I hope you do continue to write and
update because persia is so cool but I'll be so sad when the
summer ends because unless in an odd twist she goes to
hogwarts but that would be pretty strange ahaha! Anyway all
those decisions are yours and I can't wait to see what you

Author's Response: I have a plan already for this fanfic beginning to end and it has a lot of twist. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and there will be more chapters to come.

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Review #5, by raberbar End of a Friendship?

10th June 2016:
Ah, I remember this story now. Yes, you must continue! Really liked this chapter's tension.

Author's Response: THANK YOU! I will be continuing, I want a new banner first. And revised old chapters.

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Review #6, by Abby End of a Friendship?

16th May 2015:
What happened? You just like, disappeared, did I miss something?

Author's Response: I know it's more than a year later, but I intend on making a comeback.

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Review #7, by Justine Didn't Even Know Her Name

29th October 2014:
I am enjoying this story. I like to read about Albus normally its about James and I just like the slytherin boys more haha. But so far I like it she is a sassy firecracker and its a fun twist to the wisarding families we are all used to. I love how spontaneous she is too. Really liking the story so far.

Author's Response: HAHA I am glad you are liking this. I had many doubts on this. And I have to say, this story is barely viewed. But I still want to finish what I started.

And I know what you mean about Slytherin boys. *cough cough* Draco... HUH? who said that.

Yes, I wanted her to be sassy and adventurous and the personality. With this story, I def. used more creativity because I had to create an expansion of the wizarding world and the only information JK gave us on Egypt.

ANYHOW, I hope you can keep on reading. Thanks for R&R! xoxo

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Review #8, by crestwood Kidnapped

14th September 2014:
Wow, I am surprised about James and Al waking up tied up like this. Was not expecting them to be in this kind of trouble honestly. James fear of his mother is absolutely hilarious, even though their situation in general is terrifying.

I do not like Persia's friend Ramsey very much. There's the thing where he's really insane and locked a boy inside of a tomb and left him to die just because Persia had a crush on him. And then there's the way he feels entitled to Persia's love simply for being nice to her. I wanted to yell "SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" at him through my screen.

I think Persia realized where Albus is now, so hopefully these kidnappers wont have too much time to beat them too badly. It's actually really frightening, the situation they've gotten into. I'm a little confused as to what happened at the end though. I assume that Persia was attempting to trick the goblin into something, but then he turned out to be leading her into a trap the entire time? I'm not altogether clear on that part, but I know that she's walked into a bad circumstance there at the end. Overall, this is unique and exciting so far! You've created some interesting characters and really developed the setting we're in. Great job so far with this! Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: Yeah. They gotten themselves into some trouble and James is used as comic relief. I didn't want the scene to be too angst-y.

HAHAHA, Ramsey is going to get worst. But he is like Persia. Both are cold and exclusive to their group which kinda gets them to be over-protective of their group.

Yes, your assumption is right. She was trying to find some information on Al, but got herself in trouble.

Thanks a ton for R&R! I need to go back and make them clearer. This was SUPER DUPER helpful! Tons of thanks.

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Review #9, by crestwood A Deviant

14th September 2014:
Your description is still standing out tremendously in this chapter. And the way you went about it was excellently metaphoric. It wasn't just dark, 'darkness haunted the corners' and it wasn't cold, a 'chill crept sneakily.'

I knew Al would go with her. He's clearly smitten with her and would follow her to the end of the earth at this point. I do wonder if that fortune about him going on an adventure wasn't given solely for the purpose of getting him to go along with all of her crazy ideas. I'm so here for tomb raiding and finding lost gold and all of this! This is really awesome and now she's got an actual magic carpet! I have never considered if those would exist in the Harry Potter universe, how intriguing.

It's really great of Persia to give away all of that gold. I thought that maybe I judged her too quickly as a sort of heartless kind of person. Maybe she just seems flippant as a result of her living situation and everything. And right when I was beginning to trust her, someone attacks James and Al. Hmm, I wonder who and why! Really good work with that cliff hanger. The 'everything went black' ending is one of my favorites. Another good chapter!

Author's Response: HI! thanks

I always like to paint pictures with words and I feel I did accomplish that.

Yes, he is smitten with her. HAHA, that fortune wasn't made up. She is somewhat a loner and distant usually so she wouldn't feel that she needs or wants Albus. BUT she doesn't mind him.

I got the idea of magic carpet ride through Quidditch Through the Ages where J.K. mentioned carpets are still used and liked in these countries including India and other African Countries. I thought it was cool too!

She is independent and distant and somewhat cold, but only toward people who are not in her inner circles, meaning she isn't fond of city folks. Her interactions are different compared to each person.

Thanks again for R&R! =D

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Review #10, by crestwood Didn't Even Know Her Name

14th September 2014:
Okay, this continues to be really, just super unique. We get a lot more of James this chapter and I have to say, he improved the chapter a lot. Mostly because he spurred a lot of the action on. He's definitely a Gryffindor, prepared to take off on a quest at any moment. This one didn't necessarily go as planned, but that's mostly because this Gypsy character is amazing.

You did a great job writing the chase scene. Your description is excellent and I love the part in which she dresses up as an old woman. I am very interested with the way she used sand to create the cane. That seems like a really powerful form of magic and something that I'd love to see explored further. Her escape once again, this time with James' wand was great and kind of funny even.

I am super confused about why Albus' kiss kept Persia safe. Although, I assume that will be explained in further chapters, so I will not press the issue. This is a really interesting setting and Persia is quite the character from what we've seen of her.

Author's Response: I'm super glad you think so. Sometimes, I have doubts about this story, but the more positive reviews I get, the more my confidence is growing.

Yes, I want to amplify James in this chapter to use him as a big contrast to Albus.

I wanted to create a different magic behind her. A culture that thrives from the energy and innate magic within wizards & witches. Like something like Harry was able to do wandless, but more control.

Yes, she kissed him so the person finding her wouldn't see her face. Thanks for pointing out the confusion. I have to go back and make that clearer.

Thanks so much for R&R! It was super helpful

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Review #11, by crestwood Gold-Galleons

13th September 2014:
These reviews have taken me SO long to get around to I'm sorry!! My review thread kind of exploded a bit haha.

I'll tell you though, I love a good gypsy story. Even better is a gypsy story in which the said gypsy is shipped with Albus. And while, I've read some stories here that featured a gypsy or two, they usually have just come to England for some reason or other. This one starts out really interestingly because we get to see them in their own culture!

The focus on gold at the beginning of the chapter was a really cool device to introduce the setting. It's awesome that the Weasley family is taking a family trip to Egypt again. Al losing his money is hilarious. And it's just like Hermione to object to Bill's stereotyping of the Gypsys, such a humanitarian, that girl is. I love Albus' characterization here. Something in me just adores shy, insecure Albus Potters.

The description of the setting continued to be excellent throughout the entire chapter. I especially like the tunnel scene in which the torches lit only that section that they were in. I could just clearly see the things you where describing and it looked really, really cool.

I really want to know what it is about Albus' future that caused his fortune teller to freak out like that. It must have been something terrible or forbidden, the way she shooed him away. It was so hilarious that she took his money again. And, I can't wait to see where this is headed because it has so much potential right now!

Author's Response: HI! Thanks for taking time to review this. And I know, your review thread is so popular!

I wanted to create and use my imagination to the best of my ability to create a sub world of HP that is not really mentioned. I think this story leaves me room for creativity.

I am glad you like the opening scene! And I figured there will be times the whole family will go on trips together b/c they are so close (although they wouldn't do this every year). And I hope you thought I stuck to Hermione's character b/c she is pretty much a humanitarian. I don't know why I always imagine Albus as shy & awkward, but I adore those Albus too.

Thanks so much again for R&R!

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Review #12, by Fangirl Kidnapped

31st August 2014:
I am loving this!! Its so different from all the other stories and I am LOVING IT!!! I love how Albus is shy and Persia isn't they would make an awesome couple!! I love the entire setting in Egypt and how you made her a Gypsy. I just think this is really great and I hope to see a new chapter soon. PS I AM LOVING THIS.

Author's Response: WOW! I can't say how much this means to hear this. I was feeling some doubts for this story. But you reassured me. =D I wanted to do something much different with the Next-Gen than regular Hogwarts. And you literally wipe away any doubts. Yes, a chapter should be coming soon within the next week. =D Thanks for R&R!

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Review #13, by kenpo Kidnapped

15th August 2014:
Hello!! I'm back again!!

I really hate to open a review with CC, but I don't want to forget:
The dripping of water was heard in the distance, slowly and eerie.

"slowly" is an adverb while "eerie" is an adjective, so it just seems awkward. I'd make it either "slowly and eerily" or "slow and eerie".

I usually don't get that nitpicky, either, but I thought I'd point it out because it's in the opening sentence. There are a few other spots in that opening paragraph, as well. (the corners of his vision were , and his ankles were bound

Now I'm all nervous that you'll think I'm being super rude or something.

Oh my gosh, I love James and Al's different reactions to this situations.

Although technically, I'm not an elf. Sarah Benson said I looked like a goblin after I dumped her last year. Is that the same thing to an elf

I'm getting hungry. I might need to get a review snack.

This Ramsey guy seems... I don't know. I'll have to give an opinion of him at some other point. He's... I really don't know. I'm very curious about him. He seems really intensely protective, but I can't tell if that's coming from a good place or a sort of obsessive stalkerish place.

Hmmm. I'm curious about him.

I like Persia, though! We're getting more of her in casual circumstances, and I'm enjoying that a lot!

It really sucks that Albus is getting in this sort of trouble... I didn't realize that the tour guide was a goblin! I hope they didn't hear James' comment... I don't think they'd take kindly to something like that.

You've got a typo in Al's name. It should be Severus and not Serveus. One thing that I'm not sure about is how soon they start searching so frantically. You said just a few hours, but at that age, they'd probably assume that they just wandered off on their own, and be more angry than weepy. That's just my opinion, so ignore me.


What's going to happen to Persia? What are you doing?!?!

Where are you going with this?!?! LSDJFaoijfd!!!

That guy seemed so creepy, but then she was going along with it too, so I don't know. And I don't know what's going on!!! How long will it take for Ramsey to come after her?

Great chapter! There were more typos than the previous chapters (at least as far as I noticed), as well as some places that it seemed like a word was missing. I think it would read a lot smoother if you read it aloud to yourself to pick those out. You can also copy/paste into google translate and have it read it to you.

I have no idea what to expect with the next chapter! Let me know when you update!!


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks again for answering to the requested reviews.

I don't think it's rude at all for your CC even if it is a opening for review . It is super helpful and you made me realize that this story needs to undergo MAJOR editing. So I thank you so much. You have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!

I am glad you like James' character. He isn't there just for comic relief, but also to make AL's traits like his seriousness and modiness more profound. =)

Ramsey is overprotective and possessive, but it sometimes comes from a good place and most of the time a selfish place.

Glad you like her character. She can come off as super independent and cold, but like any other person has layers.

I did Ginny's reaction like that b/c imagine losing your child in another country? I felt that a parent would be more afraid and worried which the weepy parts come in, but this isn't to she won't get angry later on.

Thanks so much for taking your time to review this throughly. This was such a big help and I have to do edits before I even begin to add another chapter. =)

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Review #14, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF Kidnapped

13th August 2014:
Once I started to like Persia, now I am mistrusting her. Hmm.

Author's Response: A lot of readers feel that way too. But I can't say anything. Thanks for R&R!

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Review #15, by kenpo A Deviant

9th August 2014:
Hey! I'm so sorry that I'm taking so long with these. I haven't forgotten, I promise!!
(So much reviewing, so little time left on my battery...)

Just commenting on something I'd commented on earlier - it makes more sense that the entire Weasley clan would go on holiday together as a very special occasion. Thanks for the clarification that this isn't a yearly spectacle.

One thing that I'm still confused about: Does Al know her name? It's just a tad confusing because I don't remember her actually introducing herself, but in the narration it uses her name, and it confuses me a little because I don't know if I missed something.

The other little thing is that I'm not sure if she'd say bloke, because I'm not sure how widespread that slang is.

I really enjoyed all of their interactions! I can already see how much chemistry they have, and the way that they sort of play off one another. Persia's story is sad - I can see why she ended up just being a really guarded thief. She says that it's fine, but it obviously isn't, and I'm curious to see how the fact that she keeps all of that bottled in will effect her character.

I liked how confused Al was about why people were so grateful for a few coins. Along with how not concerned he was when he lost his gold, that really shows how different he is. And how well off he is.

Cliffhanger ending!! Did Persia have something to do with it, or is it that guy Persia was with earlier? I don't remember his name...

I could see it being him, if he wants to make sure that nobody gets close to Persia or feels that it's his job to protect her.

This story is getting really interesting, and I look forward to reading more!!


Author's Response: HI! I completely understand how life can be overwhelming & I am just happy you even review b/c I know some challenges I won, I never got my prize! LOL so take all the time you need. =)

Okay, so now that you mention it, I messed up! She never DID introduce herself yet. LIKE Oh my Merlin how could I forget that? I think in my mind since I knew her name, he did as well which made no sense whatsoever. After this, I realize the story needs to undergo major editting before the next chappie.

I am glad as a reader you see right through Persia. She indeed is a girl with struggles that burden her social interactions with others as well.

And I love doing cliffhangers, it always have readers wondering. LOL

Thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #16, by kenpo Didn't Even Know Her Name

4th August 2014:
Hello! Number two!!

Oooo, we got a little more information here! I really liked this chapter!

The beginning with all the cousins made me laugh. I'm glad you included Hugo! He's so often left out of fics completely.

I love the way you weave beautiful descriptions into the story. I'm not sitting down to read 2000 words of just description, but you don't leave it out. It was very nice and very balanced.

I was a little bit confused by how we learned her name, though. It seemed really abrupt and... confusing.

They clearly have a lot of chemistry! I do wonder whether or not some of that is artificial and magical, though. She's just getting more and more mysterious, isn't she?

And I'm curious about how that other guy is going to play into the story.

Great chapter! I look forward to the next one!


Author's Response: Hi, again. Thanks again for reviewing as requested. ^__^

Yes, I wanted to show the entire clan is there including as you said, the underdogs like Hugo! =)

Thanks so much. I been told many times descriptions are a strong point of mine. =)

I was tired of saying "She" And I realize after reading it again, it was abrupt and didn't flow nicely. I need to edit it when maybe Ramsey calls after her or something.

I'm glad you like their chemistry. I was really nervous about doing a love story b/t two people who just met. Usually love fic starts with at least an acquaintance. Yes, she really grabs Al's curiosity.

Again, thanks again! =D

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Review #17, by kenpo Gold-Galleons

1st August 2014:
Hello! Here with one of your prize reviews! (Congrats, by the way!)

I really liked the opening, with the description of gold. Although I did make me wish I had first-hand experience with how gold sounds when you drop it and how it looks in different lights...

I don't know if it was intentional, but Al and James' different reactions to finding out that he'd lost his money was great to contrast their characters. We know that they're rich, so we can jump to the conclusion that a few Galleons doesn't actually make much of a difference, but Al still felt bad, while James was just cranky :)

My one big question is why is the entire Weasley family (or at least what seems like all of them) on holiday together? Is it just because, or for something special? I can't imagine how difficult it would be to get all their schedules lined up...

There were some spots where your grammar could use a look-over. One thing I noticed is that you need to make sure you're only using a comma in dialogue where there's a dialogue tag (like said, whispered, etc).
For example:
His Aunt Hermione frowned at Uncle Bill, "That's not very nice."

After Bill, it should be a period, because there's no dialogue tag (frown doesn't work as one, because frowning doesn't produce speech).

When Al was looking around at everything, it reminded me of Harry's first time in Diagon Alley!


Your description of the gypsy was really well-written, and I could see why Al is finding himself so intrigued by her.

Lastly, I loved loved loved the fortune-teller! It was a great way to lock in the reader to read the rest of the novel! (This is a novel WIP, right? I think it is... I don't remember...)

I really loved this as a first chapter! It would be even better if some of the grammar was polished up a little, though! I don't like to get really ultra nitpicky in reviews, but feel free to PM me if you'd like me to go into detail about it.

I look forward to the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hi! THANKS SO MUCH! I had tons of fun doing the challenge!

I wish I knew how gold sounded too. LOL & not to mention how it would be like to have enless amount of it to spend. But it's the subtle things in like in movies & cartoons (lol) that helped me with my description.

I want Al and James to be very different. I got the sense in 19 years later in the books that James was confident & assertive while Al was shy & hesitant.

Yes, so the whole family IS on a trip. I can't see them myself doing that every single summer. This summer happened to be special. Like I have a big family and there were times they all got together to do a family vacation especially if they planned it years ahead of time.

Thanks you for spotting out the grammar mistakes. It's one of the biggest things I struggle with. I would really need to read it over.

And camel are really bouncing to ride on LOL You should visit the Bronx Zoo in NY to get that experience. It's fun, but it is short0lived LOL

AND thanks for the description and fourtune-teller bit. I have others also praise that. =)

THIS REVIEW WAS SUPER HELPFUL! I can't thank you enough! Thanks x 1million =D

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Review #18, by aurorasoltice A Deviant

23rd June 2014:
Now that was interesting. When we thought we can finally see the good side of persia, everyhing goes black. Surprise surprise. Love the story :D

Author's Response: ThHhannk yooou fooorrr revvviewwwinng! *lights shines down from the heavens* Thank you a ton. I began thinking the story wasn't good enough. BUT I am VERY happy to hear you find it interesting! and are you accusing Persia? lol You'll be surprised next chapter! Thanks again for reviewing! =D

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Review #19, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF A Deviant

22nd June 2014:
glad to see how she feels finally. And despite the fact she is like a con artist and steals, she has a sad history which explains her as a character. enjoy this chapter. look forward to more

Author's Response: Yes, although she has a sad history, she is still carefree. But it is obvious she is hiding and burying what she feels a lot of the time. Another chapter coming soon. Thanks for R&R! =D

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Review #20, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF Didn't Even Know Her Name

22nd June 2014:
great chapter. you could tell there is a force of attraction b/t the two especially with Albus who finds her a mystery. He'll will continue to look for her.

Author's Response: YES, there is a force of attraction since he never met anyone like her! But she won't remain a mystery forever! He'll find out more and more about her.

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Review #21, by Infinityx Gold-Galleons

20th May 2014:
Hello, hello! I know this is way way way too late, and I am so sorry! I'm currently reviewing your story on my phone since I'm in a place with no wifi and can't access the site on my laptop. So please do ignore any typos or silly errors. :P

Anyway. On to the review. I think the premise of your story is FANTASTIC. I love stories that explore a new culture and this drew me in from the very beginning.

Everything in this chapter was so unusual and intriguing. I love the way it begins, with the description about gold. It was something different and your descriptions were lovely! Now one thing I noticed there was:
So silent, it's sometimes goes unnoticed. Or at least for Albus it didn't.
You've typed it's, but it should be it . And I think you mean did not didn't I think you could actually remove that last sentence and leave it at it sometimes goes unnoticed. Then the scene shifts to Albus. That seems a bit more effective to me, but that's a matter of personal choice, you don't have to agree. :)

I noticed some places with unnecessary commas or semicolons in the place of commas. I prefer not to nitpick so much in reviews, so if you'd like me to point out the particular places, PM me.

I absolutely adore your descriptions. ADORE them. Your imagery is so powerful, and there are such exquisite details in this chapter that I felt like I was transported to that place and was watching the dancer and everything else, myself. Fantastic!

Albus felt himself already getting burnt with red. Tiny thing here. Burnt with red doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant burnt red? Or you could try rephrasing it. Then there's that bit about Albus Nothing nobody ever wanted. You're using a double negative there. It should be Nothing anybody ever wanted.

He though noticed the twinkle of light. That though is unnecessary. Small errors while typing, happens to everyone. :) Then you've used the word embezzling in the wrong context. I find it helpful to use a thesaurus when I'm not sure of the right word to use. It really helps a lot!

There are some more tiny errors which I'd be glad to help you clean up if you'd like. So PM me if you do. :)

Other than the things mentioned above, I didn't spot anything else major. Your plot is enticing and is completely different to anything I've read so far! Your characterizations are great and I'm looking forward to see how the story will go on! This is such an interesting story line and I think there'll be a lot of exciting adventures coming up. That gypsy girl seems like such an interesting and different character, and I'm extremely interested to see how things between her and Albus will progress! Why has she got her eye on Albus? What happened to make the fortune teller end the session so abruptly? There's such an aura of mystery behind that gypsy girl and I'm full to the brim with questions! This story is going on my reading list straight away! And like I said before, you've got some FABULOUS descriptions going on there, and this chapter really made me eager to read on. Just get a beta and clean up the little bits so that they don't disrupt the flow, for this is an amazing, unique story!

I hope this review was helpful, and not too harsh! All my CC comes with hugs and cookies. :) Once again, sorry for the long wait! *insert heart symbol here which I don't know how to do* :P


Author's Response: WOW! Thanks so much! =D Your review really encourages me to continue to write this story! I'm glad you think the imagery is great as well as the plot and characters. ^__^ And thank you so much for pointing on the grammar and weird wording I had used. If you don't mind me PMing you, I will to look over the mistakes I made. THANKS SO MUCH! TALK TO YOU SOON! =D

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Review #22, by papilio Gold-Galleons

11th May 2014:
well well well this was.AMAZING!! I don't really read these storys but this was fantastic to read (I normally read dramione, your one of course), I love the way everything is described I sounded rich and beautiful. glad to have two hpff to read now and both are yours lol

Author's Response: OMG I am glad you think so b/c I am on the fence of the success of this stories, BUT I have alot of Drama-packed plans for this. I am also a avid dramione reader, but I love writing about other characters as well! =) Yes, I was very attentive to the imagery of this to set the stage so I am drop-dead happy that you found it to be "rich and beautiful" =D Thanks so much for R&R! ^___^ >

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Review #23, by Tris  Gold-Galleons

10th May 2014:
Hmm... I am not sure about this one. I know it is just a first chapter. It is very different so maybe it will be fresh and exciting? I am not so sure about this one whereas I instantly loved everything else you wrote (please do not be offended). I do believe however that this has potential, if you are the one writing it, because your stories are all phenomenal.

Author's Response: I don't feel offend at all! Thank you for reviewing and checking it out though. I have actually alot in store for this story, but I completely understand if you aren't interested. I also feel there this will be a lot more adventurey in the beginning and drama toward the end. But as I said I really appreciate you R&R! =D

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Review #24, by marauderfan Gold-Galleons

3rd May 2014:
Hi there! I'm here for your requested review!

Wow, I really like the premise of this fic, it's very unusual and original, everything from the setting to the characters.

I know you didn't say anything about description in your areas of concern, but I just wanted to point them out. Your descriptions of Egypt, settings and clothing and everything, are very detailed. I love that you covered more than just the visual sense - you included how hot it is, the sound of the gold dropping, so it's very easy to imagine the scene in my mind and feel like I'm there. Nice job.

You asked about the plot, and I think it seems great so far. I like the originality of it, and the as yet unnamed gypsy OC is really interesting. I like her, even though she stole all of Albus' money and isn't actually that nice - I think she'll be a great character! The scene at the end when she sees (I'm assuming) herself in the crystal ball made me think of this 60's song "Fortune Teller" where the singer ends up falling in love with a manipulative fortune teller :P sorry, off topic. I am eager to see how things develop between the gypsy girl and Albus though!

There are a few places that had slightly odd word choice. Here: Albus felt himself already getting burnt with red -- Red isn't something that burns you - I think just the order is weird here. Maybe if you just rephrased it, like "Albus could already feel his skin prickling with a red burn."

And here: He pushed the curtain of the purple tent, embezzled in gold -- Embezzling is acquiring funds by means of fraud, which I don't think is what you mean here as you are describing a tent. Perhaps you could say "adorned in gold"?

also, "templates" should be "temples".

One thing I was thinking about in all the discussion of money... In the Muggle world at least, Egypt and the UK use different currency, so I was a little surprised that wizards use Galleons in Egypt rather than something else. Anyway, just something I happened to think about. Of course, it's totally possible that wizards everywhere use the same currency - I don't believe there's anything about it in canon so you really can do what you want here.

I hope this review is helpful! This is a great start here, nice work. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^__^ Your reivew is extremely helpful. I am super happy that my details of the scene is on point. And the plot. I was really iffy about the plot, but your opinion gave me confidence. And no it's not going off topic, I actually just listened to the song now =D And you are right, she did see herself so I am glad that is clear as well. And thank you for pointing out the weird choice of words and the mistake I made. I will edit it now, thanks to you and now I have an idea of things to look out for. Yes, you are right, but I kept the wizarding money b/c I figured the wizarding community might be a lot more connected than the rest of us and it is also a smaller community. Thanks so so so much for R&R! You were incredibly helpful!

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Review #25, by KiNG HUFFLEPUFF Gold-Galleons

29th April 2014:
The first chapter was great. Looking forward to read more! Please update soon. This story looks promising.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! For all your support =)♥

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