Reading Reviews for Forget Me Not
36 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veena bloom and wither

9th April 2016:
Woah I just got serous chills
Thak you for writing this :')

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Review #2, by jbkmn bloom and wither

18th December 2015:
why would you do this my heart hurts im crying

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Review #3, by krazyboutharryginny bloom and wither

7th September 2015:
Hi Adi. Here with the other review you wanted!

How many times can I say "Adi, your writing is stunning and I'm in awe" before it gets old? :P I feel like that's all I say in the reviews I leave for you! But you are just such an amazing writing. Honestly, I aspire to write as well as you do.

This story gave me a lot of complicated feelings, to be honest. I could feel Scorpius' frustration with Rose and understand it, but at the same time I know how hard it is to leave an abusive marriage and the statistics around that and everything. So I was a bit frustrated with both of them, and Al too. Like, Rose was making some bad decisions, but that doesn't mean that she wasn't worth saving - or at least trying to save. Gah!

So yeah, this was a really thought-provoking story for me. It really got me thinking about loyalty (so you were successful on that front) - what it means to be loyal, how far loyalty should go, stuff like that. It feels like Rose didn't stay loyal to Scorpius, but Scorpius did sort of betray her and convinced himself that that was loyalty. But then, maybe he just has a different view of loyalty than I do, you know? So it was really interesting.

If I could offer one suggestion, it would be to put your A/N at the beginning. I think I personally would have benefitted from reading what you said about writing loyalty in a different way before I read the story. As it is now, I read the story, read your A/N, and then started thinking about loyalty and what it means, whie if it were at the beginning I probably would have been thinking about it while I read.

But yeah, this story is really impressive, as always, and you are just such a fantastic writer!

(2/3 prize reviews)

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Review #4, by Flynn Rider bloom and wither

30th May 2015:
Well, this has been a wild ride. Over the past say, I've been framed, arrested, scaled a tower, died (like actually died, my heart stopped and everything), and then came back to life because the girl that I may or may not have fallen in love with (spoiler alert: I definitely did) has magic hair. But anyways, I now have the fortune of finding a few hours to myself after reuniting the lost princess with her family, so of course I had to find my way to another one of your wonderful stories.

This is absolutely beautiful. I'm trying to find the words to describe how I feel, but I'm absolutely speechless and that is a rare occurrence. This is almost haunting in a way with everything that is happening in this brief period of time. There are some sensitive topics in this, but you handle them well.

The disjointed nature of the story adds a lot to the tone of it. It took me a minute to figure it all out, but once I did, it was so cool to see the whole thing play out like that. Those two lines at the beginning take on a whole new meaning when he's not just attending a funeral of a loved one, but looking down at someone who he cannot remember anything about.

And poor Scorpius. I know what it feels like to be willing to do anything to protect the woman you love and I do not blame him at all. Every single one of his responses make perfect sense in his situation. You do a great job portraying that, especially when he ends up helping Rose end her life. It was extremely believable and interesting to read.

Unfortunately, I have to go now. Things are going to get pretty busy around here. Hopefully I'll be able to come back one last time, but if not, I've greatly enjoyed getting to read your stories. All of them are amazing and you are a absolutely fantastic writer. Keep up the amazing work!

Until next time,

Flynn Rider aka Eugene Fitzherbert

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Review #5, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing bloom and wither

13th April 2015:
Hey Adi :)

CTF Round 6/7 Attack post

So this is an Adi story, I'm preparing for some heavy emotion here. You start by lowering a body into the ground - this is not going to be good is it? I'm immediately thinking Rose purely because it's a Scorose I believe and it seems the most logical.

I must admit the first section had me a little confused... I had so many questions!! Was it a chance meeting between the two or planned? The two clearly dated and were in love but now they aren't but it seems Scorpius seems to still have feelings but Rose is indifferent. Why has she gone through to have such differences in her appearance? You answered a few, the last line gave away she's married but not happily so, I can't help but wonder who he is. You also confirmed my suspicions on Scorp still having feelings - she wanted to know if he'd come and he did. There has to be something there. I'm all very curious now though.

We're then rewinding back and the scene with Albus was cute. I loved their easy dialogue, it was lovely to read and flowed really well. But then we have another scene with Rose and I was really shocked they were engaged and she just called it off. This is unlike any Scorose I've read! My heart went out to poor Scorp, that was so harsh! What a cow. I still want to know who this mysterious fiance is!

Woah. So still don't know who her husband is but even though Rose is being horribly selfish with Scorpius and just plain using him, I do feel a little bit for her now. I just wish she would realise that she doesn't have to put up with it and go back to her family. I can't decide if she's scared though or if she likes the other stuff her husband provides and accepts the beatings because of it.

A name. Henry. I'm racking my brains but I'm thinking this is just an OC? Please correct me if I'm wrong. But oh he's so horrible and Scorpius is just the sweetest. Gah I can't deal. The dancing in the living room even though she's sick is so cute. Can I have a Scorpius like this please?

Oh dear... baby boy that looks like Scorpius... I'm literally screaming at her to leave him but it's clearly not going to happen. She doesn't seem happy so what's keeping her? The money... I'm sop angry at how selfish she is! Scorp isn't angry enough... I'll get angry for him. Al makes me laugh when he talks about her. I also think your gum analogy is clever - I just don't like Scorp being the gum.

Oh my god the ending Adi! I did not expect that. Wow. I can't believe - their son... I guess I should have seen it coming. He beat Rose, why wouldn't he a child that wasn't his. But for her to beg Scorpius to kill her and then he wipes his own memories... just wow. I'm speechless. I love how that tied back to the beginning though. I just thought that was a cute bit of Al and Scorp but no. Very clever miss. And the ending where he doesn't remember her but the familiarity. And it makes the opening paragraph make so much more sense. Wow.

Again, in this your descriptions and word choices are you're forte. I love reading your stories just to see how you weave the words together, you really make it an art form my dear. I can't compliment you enough.

My one criticism is that you change how you present the date and I would personally think it would work better if they were the same. Just my two pence though :)

Amazing one shot my dear!


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Review #6, by Aphoride bloom and wither

7th April 2015:
Hi Adi! :) So I have to admit that I saw this around when Aditi's challenge first ended, but I never got round to reading it - so I'm so glad you dropped this off for me today, because, honestly, it really, really was worth it.

Like, this is such a beautiful, thought-provoking, devastating one-shot. I really don't know how you did it - made it so so good - and you're not at the end that you're not sure if you managed it well just blows my mind, because this is amazing, and if you can't see it, then you really, really should ;)

Your characterisation in this is amazing. I love Scorpius - how absolute his loyalty is to her, because he loves her, and how both things even go beyond actually liking her and being her friend. It's such a beautiful construction of feelings, and of a person, that it feels so, so real - more real than so much else I've read recently. It's astounding. I love, too, how this started almost sort of after the fact - in that it was after he'd fallen in love with her, and after they'd split up and things seemed to have gone wrong for them. It's such a clever thing to do, and such a bittersweet thing to build a new relationship after it.

Rose is just... like Scorpius, I'm kinda torn between liking her and disliking her, but, mostly, I just feel so so sorry for her. Because no one deserves the kind of thing she ends up going through, and it's so so difficult for people to get out of, but at the same time so easy for people to misunderstand and think/say 'well, just do'. Things are never that simple in situations like Rose's. But yes, I love how she's so flawed, too - how she's inherently selfish, even if she's almost only looking to be happy but keeps getting it wrong, and somewhat materialistic, and almost foolish in a way, too. It's again, an incredibly poignant and human portrayal and I love it to pieces.

The way you write the whole situation in this is so beautiful - I can't feel wholly sorry for Scorpius and blame Rose, but at the same time, Rose isn't an angel herself. It's such a complicated relationship and such a difficult, heartbreaking situation, that, really, it's just almost destined to end badly from the beginning, and yet throughout it you kept making me hope that it would end vaguely well, at least.

You dealt with the subject matter so well, too - something like that is always so hard to write, and often ends up being, perhaps unintentionally, glorified in a way (like, oh but he doesn't mean to or something, which really just... grr, but let's not get sidetracked :P), but you wrote it so well, and it just sort of added to the complications of the story, and added to the sort of unspoken half of Rose's story, you know? So major kudos to you for that, because it's so not easy and here it's just devastating, really (as it should be!).

Your writing in this is so gorgeous, too. Just everything about it is amazing. From your description - which is stunning - to your dialogue, which I'm so jealous of (please teach me how you dialogue? Seriously?), it's just so so good. Every word is so well-placed and so right for the situation, and you have such a beautiful flow and pace in this, and the different sections worked so well. This line: "Whatever happens, I'll bloom someday. And only for you." was just stunning. And heartbreaking. Equally. Just gah :(

I loved the repetition of the summary lines, too, and how it tied into the end. That moment, wah, that was so, so cruel, and so sad to read. I'd kinda seen it coming (I have to admit that much, I think :P), but it wasn't any less heartbreaking to read it knowing it was coming than not, I think.

I've said heartbreaking and beautiful too often in this review, I think, but really, that's what it is. So there :P

Thank you so so much for the swap - I'm so so glad of it because this was gorgeous! :)

Aph xx

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Review #7, by adluvshp bloom and wither

23rd March 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap.

So, I looked at a couple of stories on your author's page and I realised I've reviewed all that I clicked on.
But, will you see this - I just realised I never reviewed this story even though I read it and announced it first prize in the Color and Emotion challenge. So, I thought what better opportunity than now to do so =)

This was absolutely, stunningly beautiful. It broke my heart into a million pieces and yet I loved it so much. Your portrayal of Scorpius is just amazing. I love how he stays loyal to Rose throughout, how much he loves her and does what she asks of him despite everything she put him through. The way her blue eyes were significant throughout was also very powerful.

Your writing style was impeccable. The fragmented style with the deeply descriptive phrases was beautiful and worked nicely with the theme. Speaking of, the plot was just so tragic but so well-crafted. The ending was especially heartbreaking with Scorpius having no memory of Rose and yet something stirring in his mind on seeing her body.

Your characterisation of Rose was also very strong. I could see why Scorpius was so fascinated with her, why he loved her and at the same time I disliked her in a way. The scene when she finally dies was also moving and reading the violence that happened and the son's death was just very well-written and hit me hard.

All in all, this was a very, very good one-shot. I really loved it. It truly deserved the first place in the challenge. You've done amazingly. Great work!


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Review #8, by Rita Skeeter bloom and wither

19th March 2015:
Hello my dear!

As you may well know, I'm Rita Skeeter, journalist at The Daily Prophet. I'm also the author of a well known book entitled The Life And Times Of Albus Dumbledore...and a few other publications to boot. There's honestly too many of them to keep track of.

As you may know by now, I'm using this to dig up dirt...I mean information on people for various articles. Boy did I hit the jackpot with this one! There had been whispers that Rose was in a tumultuous relationship, what with losing the baby and her following suicide, but no one could've guessed it was this bad! It will make for a fantastic expose!

And to think Scorpius Malfoy was involved with her the whole time! What a scandal! I can hardly wait to go to print with this! I can't imagine how many copies of the Prophet it will sell. It's sure to make me even more famous than I already am.

I suppose I should probably turn over these memories to the Aurors since they clearly show Rose's husband committing crimes, but what the heck! I'll write my story first. They can have them after. Don't judge me! I mean she's slready dead. What's it matter if this waits a little longer?

So why am I here leaving this for you. Well the truth is I need you to post the following portion of this on the forums for me.

Two people have already PM'd me their guesses on my identity and I have responded. The first person will receive a E50 donation and the second person will receive a E30 donation. But don't despair whoever the third person is to figure out my identity will receive a E15 donation. Every person after that will receive a E1 donation until I reach E100 total donation.

I'm going to give you a few helpful nudges to share as well, since you provided me with such spectacular dirt on Scorpius and Rose.

I am neither a prefect nor a staff member. Not even close

I spell realize with a Z not an S

You can swap the Euro signs for $ signs. It makes no difference either way. Sorry Leonore, there was no specific significance there except to throw everyone off!

You have a good amount of clues, but not all of them. There are several you are missing.

Roisin and may know of me, as I certainly know of you, but EnigmaticEyes was one of the first people to welcome me to HPFF way long ago.

And finally...Are we really sure Selene is a Slytherin?

Good luck to all!

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Review #9, by alicia and anne bloom and wither

10th March 2015:
Awww this is cute already! although that line about her ripping apart the grass, like she did with his heart, has made me feel sad. It makes me wonder what's happened between them since that moment that Scorpius is thinking of when they were teenagers.

I love how you have scenes from the different years, how it all chops and changes and yet fits so brilliantly together. It makes me so more intrigued by what's happened and why, and if it's going to be fixed!

Oh no, her new life doesn't sound as great as it seemed. I hope that Scorpius can save her from this new husband. Although I'm scared of what will happen to him if Scorpius does stand up to this new husband. :S

Aw! The drums are the beats of his heart!! That is so sweet!

It's sad that Albus and Rose can't stand to be in the same room as each other, what happened between them?

Oh no! Oh no! Oh No! I can't believe their son is gone! I'm so devastated for them! :(

Oh no! This is so sad! Their love story is so devastated and it seemed that they were doomed from the start :( I wish that they had stayed together so that this never happened. I'm just so sad! :(

And he obliviated himself!!?? *sobs hysterically because that pushed me over the edge*

And that ending!

Oh god your writing is so powerdul and you are so brilliant! Seriously, this is so amazing. I am so shocked and so sad and a whole over mess of feels and you brought them all out in me because of your fantastic writing! You are so talented!


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Review #10, by TreacleTart bloom and wither

3rd March 2015:
Hey Adi,

Wow. So where to even start with this one? What a spectacular story! The way you've broken this up into individual moments, almost as if Scorpius was writing in a journal was perfect. Each little glimpse into what was happening at the time is really packed full of emotion and feeling.

I am an absolute fan of the way you've written each character. Talk about co-dependency. The way you've characterized Rose as an abused woman felt really authentic. The justifications of the abuse and the hiding of the bruises really showed how badly she suffered. Scorpius as this person who loves her beyond measure is phenomenal as well.

The best part of this is the way you show Rose and Scorpius' descent. It starts on a high and you're rooting for her to leave her husband for Scorpius, except you know it won't happen. You want Scorpius to leave her because she treats him badly, except you know he's too far in. As the pieces fall apart one by one, you know that they'll never be put back together, except you keep hoping...and then finally at the end you are crushed by the weight of all of their actions. A beautifully written tragedy.

Thanks for swapping with me! This was a great read (in a somewhat sad, depressing way).


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Review #11, by lola bloom and wither

26th January 2015:
This is beautiful. Breath-taking. The fact that you could hurt me so deeply in several paragraphs should be commended.

Author's Response: Thank you so much ♥
I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

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Review #12, by Lostmyheart bloom and wither

17th January 2015:

Adi... I'm in awe.
This story, it's heartbreaking and so beautifully written. It was perfect to write it the way you did (I don't know what it's called in english - the way you wrote it, calling Rose 'you')

Their love was so pure, and I can't describe how much I felt for Scorpius, he made my heart ache! I teared up when he made Rose dance when she was sick, telling her about the drums when she said she couldn't hear anything, and he meant his heart(!!!) -- I swear my own heart started beating hard, while reading those lines.

He loved her so dearly, and I wish they had an opportunity to find each other. But you had different plans, and unfortunately they're the same plans I often have for my own characters. An unhappy ending! Despite the fact that you have HIM a blissful ending (well... almost, he did feel something when he saw her, didn't he?) I don't feel the same. YOU BROKE MY HEART.
I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive you *cries and eats hundreds of cookies*

Okay. Now that I've mourned a little, I can tell you that it was beautiful! It was an amazing story, that only made me feel like I was on a rollercoaster. When he was happy, I was happy, and when he saw her scars and bruises, I was sad. I really liked the dates, and how you structured the story. I really did.

100/10 (if it was possible)

- Avi

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Review #13, by Unicorn_Charm bloom and wither

5th November 2014:
Hi Adi! Here for the (very late, I'm so sorry!) Gryffie Review Exchange!

First I just want to apologize for how late this is. My laptop broke and I didn't want to do this all on my phone, but sadly I have to, so please excuse this if it's shorter than your amazing review.

Ok, now since that is out of the way. Adi, this was amazing! I mean, it broke my heart and it was terribly hard for me to read, with the domestic abuse going on, but it was just so well written. Scorpius's pain was portrayed incredibly well. It felt so real, almost like I could feel everything that he was feeling the entire time. His longing for a real relationship with Rose, his anger and frustration with her for not leaving her abusive husband, his anger with himself for allowing their infidelity. It was all so raw and realistic. You did an excellent job with that.

I can't imagine why Rose would agree to marry another man if she was engaged to Scorpius before he left. I understand that a year is a long time to be apart from someone, but it just seemed so sudden for her to marry that man. It makes me wonder if she was threatened or forced to marry him. I can't see her, from how she was described when she was younger, being someone to marry for money. But, people change, so maybe.

I know a lot of people will probably wonder why Rose didn't leave her husband if he was so abusive, but I can understand maybe why she stayed. I know a lot of times, it's hard for a person to leave that situation. There are times that they feel like it was their fault, it won't happen again, if they behave, or act better, the abuser will stop and so on. Or, like in Rose's case, they're afraid they will actually be killed if they leave. There is nothing anyone can tell them to make them leave, either. They have to do it when they're ready or when a situation finally goes to far. Unfortunately, in this story, Rose did not survive to make the right decision.

I'm assuming the reason her husband killed her son and attacked her so horribly is because of the child being Scorpius'? That was gut wrenching. For Scorpius to see his son, who he didn't get the chance to know, dead and to have to do that to Rose. I don't blame him for wiping his memories of her.

Oh and that ending. If my heart wasn't broken enough! You killed me with that!

I honestly don't have anything but praise for this story. It was so gripping, well written, emotional and just overall good. Excellent job on this! I'm also very happy that I was paired with you this month. :)

xoxo Meg ♥

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Review #14, by A bloom and wither

22nd September 2014:
That absolutely shattered me. Bloody brilliant.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed my little story! :)

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Review #15, by sominumaeternum bloom and wither

21st September 2014:
what just happened oh my merlin why? I just - I can't - someone save me I'm crying uncontrollably this story is beautiful

Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you so much! It's very sweet of you to leave me a review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #16, by Rumpelstiltskin bloom and wither

27th August 2014:
I'm (finally) here! :D

Holy crows, where do I begin? I'll stick to a format, so that I don't ramble on endlessly.

Plot/pot arch: This is absolutely fantastic. I love how desperately in love Scorpius is, and how it ultimately caused him to Obliviate his memory because of what he had to do BECAUSE of how loyal he was to Rose (and I do hope that this run-on sentence makes some kind of sense). The love story is just so tragic here -- Rose leaves Scorpius and enters an abusive relationship that she can't quite get out of. Instead, she chooses to hold an affair with Scorpius, stringing him along and absolutely destroying him, because he loves her so much, can't stand to see Rose in that relationship, but can't do anything about it. Then, of course, what she asks of him at the end...and just the ending itself... :( It was a beautiful tragedy.

Characterization: Scorpius -- This is an entirely new, vulnerable side of this character than I've previously seen. I loved the tortured-soul aspect, where he's completely lost control of himself. His personality and actions are being driven by his loyalty to and love for Rose. In fact, he loves and cares for her so much, that he's allowing himself to succumb to destruction. Rose -- She's just so perfectly conceded and self-centered. Even in the wake of an abusive relationship, it appears on the surface that she's far too interested in money to really leave that relationship. However, there's also a layer hidden beneath that, hinting that her fiance is far to powerful, and that she's too afraid, to leave. Either way, she seeks comfort in Scorpius, using him for her own personal gain. It seems that she IS still in love with him, but perhaps just not quite enough.

Detail: Lovely, gruesome, magnificently awesome ;). You did a great job at bringing the reading into the story, so that they could live and feel Scorpius' pain, and the horror that ensues. The imagery at the end was absolutely fantastic.

Style: I love the progression of days, counting down until the inevitable end. It allows for the linear progression of the story to stay clear, letting the reader know exactly how much time is elapsing through scenes, and the extent to which Scorpius and Rose' quasi-relationship is developing (and degrading). Also, second-person POV is always lovely.

Notes/other: I'd say this love story would definitely challenge that of Romeo and Juliet. I absolutely loved this! Thanks for the swap!


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Review #17, by apondinabluebox bloom and wither

16th August 2014:
Adi I think you just broke my feels.

Despite being a fan of Scorpius/Rose, I haven't read the ship as much as I'd like to -- particularly because it's so difficult to find unique stories, so I completely take my metaphorical hat off to you because this was so wonderfully unique and fantastic ♥

As a person, I don't like Rose. She's vapid, selfish, reckless and cruel -- and that's a wonderful testament to your talent, because you've created a character who's realistically flawed. Scorpius, too, is loyal and usually that's a great thing, but you've cleverly twisted that to make it a flaw for Scorpius. It's beautiful.

Infidelity is something I strongly dislike in real life, but in stories, it's always interesting to see what the characters' motivations behind the act is. I think it helps that Henry is just a mean character because then her betrayal isn't as bad as if she was betraying a husband who loved her, who'd do anything for her, who was utterly devoted to her -- much like Scorpius. (Side question: was Scorpius a Hufflepuff? Because the loyalty you've shown here certainly strongly hints at that, so I'm just curious.) Speaking of Henry -- that's his name, right? -- I don't think I've ever read a story where a character does not feature at all, is only mentioned by name once or twice, and yet has such a presence in the story. You've written that aspect marvellously.

OH THE BABY. The poor baby didn't deserve it! How was that fair?! I really hope Henry got arrested for everything he did!

The Obliviation scene was awful in the sense that it ripped out my feels (but in the sense of good prose, it was wonderfully executed) and even though I wrote an Obliviation in a different context, it still hurt to think about how Scorpius would never remember Rose. (in my headcanon, if an Obliviator dies, their victims memories are reinstated -- like when Dumbledore's spells stopped working after his death, so the option of Scorpius ever remembering after the Obliviator's death will never happen. *sobs*)

This one-shot completely blew me away and I'd just like to say once again that you are fantastically talented because this is just too beautiful for words.

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Review #18, by shez bloom and wither

9th August 2014:
Hey there! You requested a review from me some time ago and I became this horribly lazy person over the summer, so really sorry about that. So your review:

This was a pleasure to read. Iím not normally a
fan of stories that feature romance so heavily but I enjoyed the experimental edge of it, almost as if itís a love letter Scorpius is writing to Rose after she dies. You definitely drill home the loyalty (without it being too heavyhanded, thankfully)óitís subtle and itís almost frustrating to me as the reader because I canít understand why he loves her so much when sheís only ever using him. But because you mentioned her eye color a few times, I was able to make the connection between light blue and loyalty (again, without it being heavy handed).

I really dislike Rose; sheís weak and passive and selfish in the way she goes about using Scorpius; but as a character sheís REALISTICALLY flawed and this makes her all the more compelling. One thing I couldnít understand (and I suppose itís not relevant in the scope of your story) is why she married the abusive guy to begin with. I got the sense from the narrative that maybe she didnít exactly marry for love, more status or money (which says a lot about her priorities)-but I wouldíve liked more of an explanation-you wouldnít need to go into detail- just a line here or there would suffice.

I really did enjoy this read and thanks so much for requesting!

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Review #19, by Midnight spark bloom and wither

12th July 2014:
Ah... can anyone explain to me why tears are streaming down my face on to my tab (and probably destroying it)?

Author's Response: Hello :)
Should I be apologising even though it was my intention to write a tragic story? Haha.
Thank you for this lovely review! I hope your tab is fine :)

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Review #20, by SeverusLove bloom and wither

12th June 2014:
Adi, this is amazing!

The tragedy - it's painful, yet chillingly beautiful.

The flow was a bit disjointed with the format and style of jumping from dates like that, but it worked for the story because it added a sense of mystery. It made me picture movie scenes with quick, cloudy, and distorted flashbacks. It worked for the story because it piqued my intrigue all the more.

The tone was so dark and depressing throughout you couldn't see the lines between the moral and immoral but I really loved that confusion and chaos.

The pace and progression of plot started off a bit slow, but it helped us readers delve into their history and get involved with the characters enough to feel so sorry for them by the end of it like the calm before the storm so I think the length is perfect the way it is.

I loved your sentence structure - the short nature of most of your sentences and how despite that, you were able to squeeze in and weave such meaning behind the words. Your description is brilliant, I can stare at a lot of quotes within the story.

For consistency's sake, I find this paragraph off:
'All at once, my palms feel sticky, sweaty. It's one of the most comfortable feelings known to mankind. The tightening of the throat, cutting off your supply of oxygen. Then all of sudden, I pop out of it. The next thing I know is that my voice is rumbling out of my throat, ripping through the air.' -- Because for the majority of the story, all the 'you's mentioned are referring to Rose. In this case, I had to go back and reread trying to figure out if the 'you' was meant to be Rose or the reader in general as most First POV stories use. I suppose it could work both ways, but it threw me off for a bit there.

As for spelling and grammar, only this bit caught my eye:
'I don't to live in a world where I know you aren't alive.' -- a minor slip at most.
'She must have been a beautiful girl, I thought to myself, when they lowered her body into the ground' -- the lack of a punctuation mark after these phrases just bugged me for some reason. It might be because you were wanting to structure it in the form of a poem, but if that's the case, I'd get rid of the space between it and the phrase after.

By the end of it, the unanswered questions that remained nagging at the back of my mind all pertains to Rose's motive. Scenes like this: '"Scorpius, I don't feel like it," you cut me off.' makes me really wonder about her and how her mind worked. I would have really loved to know and understand more what was her driving belief to do all this? With parents like hers, how did she progress into the girl she is now? How was she driven into the arms of another man? But seeing as it isn't a story centered on her and is told from the perspective of another person, I can understand why they must remain mysteries.

The scene that hit me the most was the discovery of their child's death. It was just so tragic to read about an early life so innocent that was unfortunately affected. I loved the bit about the drums, but the most vivid phrase to me has to be the same two lines that served as the opening and closing to the story. At first they were such curious mysterious lines but by the end of it, they took on a whole new meaning and depth.

Thank you so much for entering this into my challenge, I really enjoyed reading it. You may anticipate the results within the following days.

Best of Luck,
*prances off*

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Review #21, by maraudertimes bloom and wither

29th May 2014:
Hi! Gryffie Review Exchange! So sorry for this being so late, I had a huge exam and then when I went to review this yesterday the webpage crashed and I lost all of my review. :( But I'm here now, finally!

This was a crazy story. I both hated and loved the characters, I both hated and loved the story line, I just had a lot of emotions.

I loved your portrayal of Rose, because she's so different from the usual portrayals of her character. That said, I hated her as a person, but as a character she was really interesting. I recently read Looking for Alaska by John Green, and she reminds me of Alaska in the sense that I don't like her, but I respect the character in that she is flawed and her back story seems to be well thought out. So, needless to say, I loved the character you created, but I didn't like her as a person (if this doesn't make sense just so you know - this is a compliment).

It was strange to see such animosity between Albus and Rose, but it was refreshing from all the stories where they're really close. The friendship between Scorpius and Albus didn't seem forced either, which was nice considering Scorpius and Rose seemed to have a thing.

Scorpius himself was also really cool to see as the quasi-good guy compared to Rose's bad-girl, and also it was nice to see how he could let her go but still harboured love for her. It was very true to life and I enjoyed that aspect of it.

The one thing I was a little confused on was at the start its 2029 if I'm not mistaken but then the years jump back and then continue forward again. I'm guessing that was a flashback or something but it was difficult to keep track of when everything was happening because that was out of order. However, this could just be because I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately and I don't exactly think that well when sleep deprived.

The progression of your story was great, even though I didn't like where it was going. Meaning: I loved how you transitioned from scene to scene, but I didn't like that Rose was getting hurt, that she was pushing Scorpius away at first, etc. Your characters were really believable as they went along, and even near the end when I was tearing up, I was really impressed with how you dealt with it all.

I can understand why Scorpius would have wanted to keep his distance from their son, but it pains me to not know if he even knew the kid before Rose's husband, well, you know... The fact that this event (well, that and others, but I'm sure this was a trigger) led Rose to her final decision was really sad and I would be lying if I said I wasn't getting teary eyed near the end.

The last part killed me because of the love Scorpius had for Rose even during those last moments with her. It reminds me somewhat of the scene where Snape kills Dumbledore in HBP, except with more emotions and less double-agent stuff going on. Scorpius's reaction and actions after that happened also made me so sad.

The funeral scene was so sad but it was possibly my favourite part. You can tell that Albus knew what happened and was trying to keep Scorpius from falling apart, even if the latter couldn't remember Rose. The little voice in his head was so sad and I think it's one of the most beautiful lines I've read. It perfectly sums up what happened in the story and I really loved how it was delivered.

This was a great story, and I'm sorry again for being so late, especially since your reviews were so helpful and sweet! Great job!
Lo :)

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Review #22, by LilyFire bloom and wither

22nd May 2014:
OH MY GOSH THIS STORY. Like, I was entranced. I couldn't stop reading or look away. It was amazing. The details, the plot, the flow, it was all much better than words can really relate. I'm a little surprised that the weasley family would let Rose stay with that guy, but at the same time, I can see how it would happen. I really wanna know what happened to that jerk, though. I hope they throw him into whatever hole the dementors were put in.

Your story was just amazing. Like I said, I don't have the words to describe how much I liked it. It's brilliant!

Author's Response: Hello :) Thanks for stopping by!

Wow. Really? This is all such high praise! I'm glad you enjoyed so many elements of this one-shot!

I think that most of the Weasley family is more or less unaware. Rose herself is selfish. She enjoys the status and the money that come from him, but she also get the love and attention she wants from Scorpius. While her immediate family (and Harry's brood) would probably be aware, she is a grown woman, who is capable of making her own choices. Stubborn and selfish, with a thirst for high social standing don't always go well, so maybe they weren't able to convince her to do away with him. Another thing to consider is that Rose's relationship with Scorpius is more or less a secret, so they may well be under the impression that in spite of everything, she loves the guy. Finally, Rose is married to a powerful guy who might not take it well if people stood in his way. Rose's family is powerful, but he just may be dark. Just some things to consider. I've left that bit a little open, I guess :p Sorry!

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you enjoyed this. I love this review. You are far too kind! :)

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Review #23, by Carmen (pikachewbites@tumblr) bloom and wither

19th May 2014:
Oh I love this story!! It's a very unique take on Scorpius/Rose & I love your depiction of Rose. She's selfish & vain but at the same time, I can't help but feel sorry for her. My heart is just bleeding from how sad this story is & I think the ending is perfect & bittersweet.

Author's Response: It's very sweet of you to leave a review :) I'm glad you liked it and thought it was unique. Uhh, I'm, sorry for the feels (no I'm not :p)? Thanks for such a sweet review! It meant a lot to me :)

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Review #24, by TidalDragon bloom and wither

15th May 2014:
Howdy Adi! Dropping by because...well we both know there's a vote going on and I'm kind of addicted to voting, which means I have to vote I am!

I could write a long review about the brilliance of the various things you did with this story - the word choice that made me feel Scorpius's suffering. The contrast of elegant descriptions that drew me into the simpler scenes with the raw simplicity of some of this story's darkest moments. And man were there some dark moments. You made some incredibly bold choices there and the child being killed...well I've just shivered. That was chilling to the core and I deal with some pretty heavy business on a relatively daily basis.

Objectively, I did have to do some re-reading at the beginning to keep track of where I was with the time and POV-shifting. I will also admit I was subjectively very ergg on the whole affair business. You did one of the best jobs I've read with it, but ergg. Just ergg. Infidelity. Certainly a different take on loyalty.

All in all though this piece was incredibly powerful. You certainly did not shy away from anything and the writing itself was impeccable. Good luck in the voting!

Author's Response: Hiya Kevin! :) Haha, votes are kinda fun, aren't they? There's another one going on right now, as you know :p

Oh gosh. I don't even know what to say to this! I'm honoured that you think I've written this so well, and that I've conveyed Scorpius' emotions well, too. I know that this is pretty dark and heavy, and I was worried that it may not come through as powerfully as I hoped, but seeing what you've had to say about it, I couldn't be more happy. Thank you so much! About the baby, I agree. It was slightly on the sicker side, but it had to be done. *sniffs*

Argh. Affairs. I cannot stand them. At all. They're terrible, cowardly and so disrespectful. I can write a whole paper on why cheating is the worst. But as much as I am against it in real life, it's something that has always fascinated me in stories. It's something we can look at and analyse without being personally affected or incensed. I also think it provides interesting fodder for plot progression. I don't like cheating when it's just there, but when written well and used effectively, I believe that it can serve as a good tool to push the story in a whole different direction. I've seen how you prefer not to read it in fanfiction as well (you've mentioned it in your thread, I think), but if I managed to win you over in spite of that clause, I'm a happy person. :p It tells me I've done something right (or something wrong in a right way?)

I know it isn't what you would conventionally expect from a story espouses loyalty, but I was definitely going for a more risque interpretation, if I may call it so.

I know I've been bold with it, but the reviews could not have been any more assuring. Thank you so much for all your kind words! Your review is lovely :)

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Review #25, by LilyMilly bloom and wither

10th May 2014:
this story was amazing ! i really loved it !
You have done an amazing job with this ! keep on the good work and writing!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you loved it :) Thank you for your lovely compliments! They made my day :)

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