Reading Reviews for Azkaban
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by snufflesthedog Prison

12th October 2014:

Out of the hat of originality, I am here for BvB Battle.

Okay, so this is going to be hard to articulate, but I absolutely loved this! I was transfixed from the first line, and the story dug its talons into me, keeping me engaged the whole way through. The atmosphere you created was incredible, I could hear the screams reverberating off the Azkaban walls!

I love how you put large spaces between the lines, it really slowed down reading it which was incredibly effective. It created a somewhat woozy, lost feel which added to the amazing writing! I also particularly liked the way that you tied in all the events to create a narrative. Totally part of my head canon!

Thanks so much for writing this, it was a pleasure (albeit a terrifying and gripping one) to read!

x snufflesthedog

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Review #2, by SaritaMalfoy22 Prison

15th September 2014:
Wow. I

I've never read a 2nd person fic before. At first, my brain couldn't wrap around the unusual descriptives - 'you' instead of 'he' etc. But once I had, it was amazing. The descriptions were so cold and chilling that it felt like I was actually there in the cell. The memories were so sad that it really did feel like a personal experience, especially Nell and Regulus. I expected him to fall to pieces again at James' death, but he found a person to fight, and a way to fight them, so he did. He doesn't seem to regret any of his decision - like refusing his brother or rooting out Peter - and I love it. He remains strong though Azkaban threatens to break him, and he remembers and realises the price of his incarceration. It was worth it to go after Peter, and deep down I get the feeling that he hasn't given up - won't give up - because he knows that he has to avenge James and Lily, and Nell.

His driving force is vengeance, but he doesn't seem to know what he wants after that. He has no time and very little desire to get his hopes up over Harry, his godson, because it seems so unlikely that he will find a James-replica. No, Sirius' thoughts are firmly on retaliation, on beating the darkness within and without of his prison cell.

A beautiful but harrowing fic, and I loved it.

Thank you!

-Sarita x

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Prison

6th May 2014:

Here for the BvB review battle!

This was a great story! Nice job and I loved the second person point of view. I think it worked really well with this piece.

I really liked how you brought in a love interest for Sirius. My heart just broke for him. I really thought that Regulus and the other death eaters were going to hex him and be done with it - but then when she died, I just.. ugh! You did such a nice job setting up their feelings for each other and it made is so much more heartbreaking when she dies.

In addition, the descriptions of anguish while the dementors are near are so well done that I felt like I couldn't breathe, so great job with that!

Did Dumbledore send the patronus??! That was very clever - and the hints about how Sirius found out about Scabbers. You were able to tell the story with images and not outright explanations. That is really great!

There is one part where you broke the second person POV and it was in the second to last line: "The man looks taken aback before holding out a shaking hand to hand me the newspaper. You take it, give a nod of thanks, and crawl back to the back corner of the cell." I think you meant to say "... holding out a shaking hand to hand you the newspaper."

Other than that one part, the rest of this did a super job of setting the mood for this story. You brought me down further and further (It's OK :)! ) and managed to create images that make the reader feel like the dementors are right next to you!



Author's Response: Thank you!! Gosh, you just gotta love the Sirius feels. I felt like what Reg did was so much worse- and he knew it too... although I feel like it wouldn't have been his plan to kill her, rather someone a lot more malicious higher up the death eater ladder. It was Fudge's patronus :). I thought a visitor would be allowed to be away from the dementor's spell. Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I didn't even notice that mess up, oops. Thank you so much for the wonderful review!!

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Review #4, by toomanycurls Prison

5th May 2014:
oh man the feels! You kicked me square in the feels with this!! Great job. :)

There's so much angst and vivid horror in this. You've broken my heart over what poor Sirius went through in Azkaban. I am quite thankful though that you brought him up through getting the paper with Fudge - at least that signals the start of a happier time.

Your descriptions in this are incredible. You really put me in his shoes with how well your cultivated the scenary.

His flashbacks are jarringly emotional. I really enjoyed his scene with Nellie and how light and carefree it was compared to his dark reality. I suppose that's the true torture of the dementors that they let you feel something so good and happy then rip it away.

I almost died when Sirius met Regulus in Hogsmeade. The build up of tension in Hogsmeade, when Sirius realizes he's in a fight or flight situation is just gut wrenching. I liked the hint of sadness for Regulus when Sirius refused to go over to Voldemort. I could see how he'd want his older brother to come over to their side.

man, Nell's death is just so sad. I mean, it rolls in perfectly with Sirius' time in Azkaban and being mentally tormented but wow, you really captured what it looks like to lose a loved one there.

Sirius meeting Hagrid in Godric's Hollow was easier for me to read. Sure, he lost his best friend and realized he wasn't trusted but that seemed easier than the last scene. I liked his realization that it was Peter and his dogged attempt to hunt him down.

You have such a good handle on anst and horror - I hope you write more of it.


Author's Response: I'm so glad I kicked you in the feels! (I'm not evil just to let you know, I've been tested ;) ) Yay! Thank you so much! Yeah, I would think it would really be the brining back to a happier time you will never get to be in again that is the true anguish. Yes, there is still that brotherly love there so I felt like there would really have to be some huge event- like this- to make Sirius never even mention him again. The second flashback was a lot easier to write. Maybe it was because we already knew what sort of happened, but at the same time there wasn't that huge high happiness to low complete sadness. Thank you so much for your lovely review!!

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Review #5, by Infinityx Prison

29th April 2014:
Hello Mary!

So like I promised, I've finally come and read one of your fics. :) I saw that you'd entered Kiana's challenge, so I decided to read this one. I've fallen in love with second person, and it was truly a pleasure to read this story. (a sad, touching pleasure though, :P)

I love how you've taken this instance from canon and expanded on the occurrences during Sirius' time in Azkaban. You've got some extremely vivid descriptions, and I felt like my heart was being pulled out as I read about his anguish and all the pain he'd gone through. :'(

Using italics was a brilliant idea. Those parts just made the story incredibly powerful and the despair was just overwhelming.

The only bit of CC that I have is that there are spelling errors in some places, where you've missed out a letter or something of the sort. So I suggest you go through the story once to patch it up. Also, that paragraph about "it breathes and.." I got a little confused there when I read "it." After reading it again a couple more times, I figured you were referring to a dementor. Maybe make that a little more clearer? Otherwise, I think it was fantastic.

Oh no, Nell. :'( That was just heartbreaking. Poor Sirius! I think it's great that you've explored that bit of his past and brought back those bad memories. And bringing Regulus into it was an extremely effective touch. The way you described him gave me chills and.. no, Sirius! :(

I love the ending as well. And the PoV works well with the premise of the story, especially since you're conveying so many strong emotions! Great job, and good luck with the challenge! I'm glad I read this, it was wonderful. :)


Author's Response: Hi Erin! Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a nice review! I am so glad that you felt saddened by the story! (Well not that you got sad per-say, but more that the story was good enough to do that haha). To the CC, I had it beta'd and I'm just waiting for it to get validated. However, I will go back and look at making the "it" part clearer. Thanks for telling me! Gah, the Sirius feels! I've always felt bad for the bloke and his tragic past and I felt like I needed to do it justice haha. I am so glad you liked it! Thanks again, lovely!

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Review #6, by patronus_charm Prison

27th April 2014:
Sorry I only just got here, but Iím so excited to read this as I love all thing Sirius!

I really enjoyed this one-shot and I thought you did a great job of using second person POV. It fitted with the story really well as it seemed to make it even more solemn and even sadder so I was just like ball of tears by the end of it. Another way you used the narration to aid the story was the bits in italics, as they revealed another side to Sirius, a side which seemed to be locked away most of the time so it felt as if I was being allowed into some inner sanctum of his mind which was pretty cool.

The structure of the one-shot was really cool, and I really loved how you started and ended it. In the first section we see this broken man who looks as if he will never be whole again, as if his life is over and can never be brought back and it really makes you wonder why and then we have the middle bits for the why. Then there was the ending which had a different mood to the rest of it, one of hope and faith, and that was a nice twist as it reflected his mood really well and tied into canon really well too.

I loved how you included another side to Siriusí story with his girlfriend dying as that was so sad and explained his broken state really well. He had not only lost his best friends, and godsons but he also lost the love of his life I guess, and that just made him go over the edge and explained his confrontation with Peter really well. Speaking of that and the scene with Hagrid, I thought you wrote those really well and even though Iíve seen them quite a few times in FF, I felt as if you had put a fresh spin on it which was great.

Thanks for the great entry!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for not only the nice review, but for offering the challenge that made me try something different in my writing! I'm so glad you thought I did a good job, I really tried to make this a very emotional piece, and by the response I have gotten, I did, and now I am ecstatic! (Aren't you just so happy when your writing actually works out and it good?!) Thank you again!
xoxo Mary

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Review #7, by marauderfan Prison

25th April 2014:
Review swap!

Had to choose this one as it's in second person and I'm finding that I really like second person stories!

Wow, you got the emotion in this really well. Your descriptions of the jail cell are so stark and vivid, it was almost like being there, feeling that dementor swooping in. Eek. Anyway, you did great with that.

So sad, too, how he lost his girlfriend and his best friend (and really everyone)... but I like the way you structured the story. The way you start with his solitude in the cell, detail the scenes of him losing people, and then finally a patronus, the presence of other people, and a purpose... It's not really hopeful, because well he's in Azkaban surrounded by dementors making him relive his worst memories, but he has something to work towards, a reason to live again. It's almost hopeful, or as hopeful as you can get for Azkaban :p.

I think the second person is really effective too because it's kind of detached, which obviously makes sense for a prisoner who's been kind of driven out of his mind for 13 years. The POV suits the story fantastically in that respect so nice job with that.

The one thing I'd want to point out is that there are several instances where I think you meant "breathe" (verb) instead of "breath" (noun).

Anyway, great job on this! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: Thank you! I am so glad you liked it! Yes, I know, the Sirius feels!! Yes, the ending isn't exactly hopeful because there is still his long journey only to find some happiness but only for a short while. His life really is a story of tragedy. When I started writing it, I didn't even think about how the POV was helping the story- more like I just had to do it that way to do the challenge :P. However, as I read over it, it just came out that way and I was like "Score one for luck!" Thank you for pointing that out! Even though I somewhat edited it, I am horrible at editing my own work and always seem to miss things even though that should have been obvious... oops. Haha. Thanks again!

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Review #8, by Lostmyheart Prison

24th April 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for your requested review :)

This was a brilliant story, so well written and I have to say, very emotional. So I guess that being sad, it covers one of your concerns.
How you described his girlfriend's death was very powerful, especially the part with her eyes glazing over.

Of course, the story fit the genre very much. It was a very dark story, it followed Sirius through the deaths of his loved ones; Nell and James, also the loss of his brother - not by death, but the loss of their brotherhood, so I think the story flowed very beautifully. It showed the present and the flashback, the present and the flashback and again to the present. Or that's how I understood the scenes :)

I loved how you ended the story with the hopeful 'Peter. Peter is still out there, and I am going to go find him.' line. It was so powerful and we all knew what happens next - he breaks out.

I loved reading this, and again, you're very talented!

Big hug,

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! And yes, you got the flow of the scenes correct :). Thank you again for you extremely nice review!

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Review #9, by LightLeviosa5443 Prison

22nd April 2014:
Hi! I'm here for the BvB!!

This story was awesome! I was a little hesitant, because, well, it's Sirius in Azkaban, but I love this story. I loved the emotion in it, and how you started off so powerfully with him in Azkaban and facing a dementor into two sad moments in time, that just completely broke him, and lead to him being where he was now.

This story was so beautiful and absolutely broke my heart. You did such a magnificent job of writing it. It flowed flawlessly, it made me believe everything Sirius said, and it being in second person definitely helped emerge the reader into all of those emotions. All in all this was really lovely.

You should be very proud of this piece!!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This review means so much to me! I was so worried that the emotion would fall flat or his memories would seem too forced, so you can't believe how happy I am that they were accurately portrayed. Thank you again!

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