Reading Reviews for Crossing Delicate Boundaries
111 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Razan Nightmares

12th March 2016:
Amazing story! you live with each and watch as they grow fonder for each other, you are definitely a great writer

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much!!! I appreciate it!!

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Review #2, by The Dementor Questions and Concerns

5th March 2016:
Your story is very interesting so far, but I have mixed feelings about it. I think you are very talented and have a great ideas, but your writing style is very weak. Third person can be very tricky to master as it takes time and lots of revision. Your actions are too wordy and there is not enough sensory in your writing to really get a feel for where the characters are. For example in this chapter you introduce the twins, which is totally fine and very cool, but they are described in almost a quick degrading manner. By stating, ď
The restaurant is small but colorful with colors of burnt orange, purple, and many other colors of their culture.Ē as an introduction, I find myself disappointed. That isnít a very descriptive way to introduce a culture. Lots of cultures have orange, purple, and many other colors. If it is a restaurant you are describing why not start off with saying something about the smell or giving it a name. By informing readers that the menu to an indian restaurant has ďeverythingĒ on the menu is confusing and pointless. Why go through the trouble to state the restaurantís culture and say that they cater to other cultures by having a menu of mixed cultures. Who orders spaghetti at an indian restaurant especially in the wizarding world? It doesnít make sense and this inconsistency in your writing bothers me.

Another thing that I would suggest working on would be your timing and event placement. You seem to move very quickly with important things and write a whole bunch of excess crap for things that really donít need further explanation. For instance, ď
After a few more minutes, their food arrives and they dig into it, loving it very much. When they finish, they are on their way down Diagon Alley and about to apparate home when an owl drops a letter into Hermione's hands and startles her, causing her to drop it at first.Ē this entire entire section needs to be rewritten. Just read it allowed and ask yourself how it makes sense. Do readers care that they dug into food and loved it very much? No, not the way youíve written it. Would it make more sense to describe the food and bring fourth a thought or emotion about it. Definitely. Is that necessary? No. Because nobody cares. Also you need to rethink Hermioneís character. Would she really be startled and be clumsy enough to drop the letter? No. She would assess the situation in a calm matter or receive it normally. If you want to make the situation seem urgent you should indicate the way the letter was presented, hastily written letters or not yet sealed or something is what gives her cause to be startled or worried. Hermione is extremely intelligent and loves books we get that. Itís over done and over used. Think about her character and think about applying that to your writing.

What makes a good writer is being able to connect with the audience, being able to bring out traits in characters that the reader can either relate to or (in the fan fiction world) understand from a previous source. You are not bringing out any of the characters and you are using the only character you really could make your own (Astoria because we donít know much about her) as a dumb character who understands nothing. You want to show that she is ungrateful and doesnít care pull traits from Bellatrix and really delve into her extremism. You want to talk about her tight little body. Really emphasize how she uses it to her advantage. You give us Dracoís point of view of her but you donít give us her point of view which automatically disconnects readers from her.

Donít think that I am being mean or that I hate you. Donít take this review as any type of negativity to hinder your writing . I am one voice out of many and even though it was difficult to understand I have continued to read on. I think you have so much potential but you are not quite there. What I am reading feels like a rough draft to something that could be great. I just wish you would be more original in your own techniques but more solid in how you portray the characters. You need to stop and re-image your writing technique and hone up your style, but never stop writing. You donít have to agree or like what I say, but you needed to hear this, or read this. Best of luck!

Author's Response: Hello,
I thank you for your well thought out review. I really do appreciate it. I am very busy in my life and lately I have not been giving my stories on here much attention. Yes I have rededited, but I am still in the middle of doing that and also when I am doing it it can be in a hurried way. I hope soon I can sit down and revise the things you mentioned. I do have very good ideas in my head but it's hard to write down and it's hard to word it. I am sorry you disliked my story so far. I hope you don't read beyond Black Robes and roses because I have not edited past that. Once again, I do appreciate any feedback about my story! I am not offended, yes you were a little harsh with your wording but you were obviously really trying to get a point across. Thanks for reading! I hope to re-edit soon!!

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Review #3, by Tippachan Black Not Over 'Til It's Over

11th February 2016:
hi i am new reader here. so far I read yours, its really warm story with angst type. i love the way you wrote those plot and really, I slipped my tears when read draco's part.

keep writing. and I will waiting next chapter.

p.s. I am glad Ron and Hermione broke up. because I think Ron has everything that Draco's dont ^^

have a nice day ^^

Author's Response: Hi there! I am so glad you enjoyed reading my story so far!!! There's alot more to come as well. I am in the middle of editing it and after I am through editing what I have I will add new chapters and hopefully finish the story. I am especially excited that it brought you emotion! Woohoo! I'm so glad you like it!

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Review #4, by Spiral Not Over 'Til It's Over

10th February 2016:
After Hermione terrible behavior thers no way Ron is going to be friends with her again, nor should he. The Weasley's are all going to dislike her as well. If/when she starts dating Draco not even Harry or Ginny will be okay with it, not in the lest.

That's what makes a forbidden romance forbidden, that other people are rightly going to be against it.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading my story! I am actually in the middle of editing it and I am going to be starting to ReEdit the fourth chapter tonight and go from there.i agree, Ron shouldn't forgive her. And I don't think that Ginny will either, I'm not sure about Harry yet.

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Review #5, by Spiraling Downward Black Robes and Roses

10th February 2016:
This is one of Dramione's fatal flaws so very often and its that Hermione has to turn into a different person for it to work. She knows Ron is right about everything he said and we know from canon Hermione is one of the least forgiving people in the books and I don't think she'd forgive Draco for nearly killing Ron quite so easily or so quickly. The fact that Hermione was trying to hide where she's going shows she knows she should be ashamed of it.

It becomes more of a Fairy Tale than a story.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading!!! I hope you liked it. I love the detail of your reviews!

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Review #6, by DaFossil Not Over 'Til It's Over

23rd January 2016:
I love this. Always enjoy a good mystery.

Author's Response: I'm glad you love it!! I will update soon!

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Review #7, by Pinster Not Over 'Til It's Over

18th January 2016:
I really hope you get back to updating this story, as I have thoroughly enjoyed it and would love to see where it goes.

Author's Response: Hi Pinster,

Thank you for coming by and reviewing! I have enjoyed writing this story and when I have time I will update it soon! It always helps to get a review to help me boost my confidence about it. Thank you!

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Review #8, by TidalDragon Black Robes and Roses

21st October 2014:
Howdy! It's good to see you're back! I'm sorry about the lengthy delay. Work and my personal life have been madness. Now that I'm through with the excuses...on with the story.

As regards the flow of the chapter, there was really only one pure transition point for me, which was from the Ministry to the funeral. For me, it was a wee bit jarring not because of the end of the fight (which I think is absolutely right ending abruptly), but because of the way you opened the funeral (with Harry suddenly standing beside her).

As far as characterization goes, I thought Harry and Hermione attending the funeral was rather OOC personally. Not only is it unsafe for them (despite the presence of Aurors) given the crowd, it also doesn't fit for me that they would attend the funeral of someone who quite possibly would have celebrated their deaths. I think Harry and Hermione probably are forgiving people, but that's a stretch for me. Draco, likewise seemed far more selfless and reflective than in canon, which is possible given his post-war experiences, but seems to be a reach at this phase of life. After all, he'd hardly be thanking Harry when they couldn't manage more than nods in the epilogue would he? I don't know. Ron on the other hand did feel rather authentic. Beyond just displaying his temper (we know he can get angry and petulant), you pulled the emotion he must have felt after what he perceives as a betrayal by Hermione through the dialogue itself nicely too (though I would hope this affects how he acts toward Harry too because he should have similar feelings about his attendance I would think).

I think overall your increased patience with developing the endgame ship has shone through nicely, what will be key from here on out is making that development not require other characters to step excessively out of the norm.

Hope this helps! And again, glad to see you back again!

Author's Response: Hey there,
I understand that you feel I am a bit OOC. Maybe I am going overboard with their acceptance of Draco so soon. Maybe it should be a long time before they accept him. But I guess OOC is also unfortunately a part of Dramione :) I am glad you feel I am going at a good pace with the Dramione though and I hope that you feel the same in the coming chapters. :) thanks so nuch, I am glad to be back! I had horrible writers Block for a bit. :):)

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Review #9, by Chrissy Hermione the Hypocrite

21st October 2014:
So I've read your story before and out of all the chapters I think this is my absolute favorite. You honestly did a great job. I don't believe that Hermione is a hypocrite, I mean Ron made out with another girl just so he could get Hermione's attention!! That's not nice at all. Relationships fizzle out when both sides don't put in any effort. I don't think Hermione should get the blame for her failed relationship with Ron! I also think it's unfortunate that Ginny is taking his side as well. She should hear both of them out.

Finally onto Draco!! It's about time that there was some Dramione action going on :-) it's sweet and romantic how Draco just kissed her when she was crying. I think he might get slapped for that but I would love to see him respond in a calmer manner. I would love to see their relationship progress.

You're doing a phenomenal job!!! I'm super excited to read the upcoming chapters :-)

Author's Response: Hey Chrissy! I am so glad you like it. Yay!!! :) :) I am glad you like where I am going with the story. And don't worry, just read on and hopefully you will like things much better when things calm down between Ron and Hermione. :) thanks so much for reading and I hope you read more! :)

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Review #10, by mitzy Best To Go Our Separate Ways

13th October 2014:
Well darn... ron and Hermione are done for... you did a good job writing so far. I will come back for the other chapters later!

Author's Response: Yes they are :/ and thank you so much for coming and reviewing so many chapter, you are awesome! I hope you continue to like my story when you do start to read the rest!!!

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Review #11, by mitzy Nobody Likes a Liar

13th October 2014:
Well it certainly doesn't surprise me that she would do something like this. Draco should be DONE with her!

Author's Response: Yes and hopefully he will be for good!!!

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Review #12, by mitzy Black Robes and Roses

13th October 2014:
Well this was a good chapter. It gave me the feels for Pansy and her friends. It sucks though that Astoria is immature and couldn't see that they wanted to come respect Pansy.

Author's Response: I agree, it is pretty sad that Astoria is immature.. she should have seen that they were there for a good cause. How could she think that they were laughing at Pansy? Hermione was crying for her!

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Review #13, by mitzy Bad Timing

13th October 2014:
OH MY GOODNESS. ASTORIAS PREGO! This complicates things!!!

Author's Response: Yes doesn't it? I am glad you are still enjoying reading my story!

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Review #14, by mitzy Questions and Concerns

13th October 2014:
Poor Ron and Hermione.. :/ they were on this little date that had to be interrupted. I hope they find the person who did it soon!

Author's Response: Yes, they had to be interrupted, :/ oh well it was for a good cause.

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Review #15, by mitzy Pansy's Fate

13th October 2014:
Wow! That was an interesting twist. I like it! Of course I don't like that someone died but I like your ideas. I am enjoying reviewing your story

Author's Response: Well good, I am glad you enjoy it!!!

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Review #16, by mitzy These Cell Walls

13th October 2014:
Poor Narcissa... I know she deserves to be in there but I feel bad for her ya know? She made her own choices though.

Author's Response: I feel bad for her too. But she made her own choices, u are right!

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Review #17, by mitzy A Tough Investigation

13th October 2014:
Ohhh boy, I didn't see this coming. I honestly think it is crazy that Hermione would let Malfoy come to his mother's investigation because you would think he would freak out. But Hermione is quite bold and trusting so this doesn't surprise me

Author's Response: I agree, but I hope it goes okay. :) lol. Is Hermione making a mistake or will he be well behaved?

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Review #18, by mitzy Nightmares

13th October 2014:
So... Draco did something bad and it's coming back to haunt him. Well good! He deserves to live with the things he has done. After all he did make the choice to become a death eater and if I remember right he was quite excited to be

Author's Response: Yes I feel bad for him but I can def see what you mean. he should feel bad for what he did!

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Review #19, by mitzy Neighbors

13th October 2014:
This is going to get interesting. Hermione and Draco working together, ek. That is always a scary thing to think about. I am curious to know how their first asignment goes.

Author's Response: Yes it is quite scary to think about, isn't it? I am glad you are continueing to like my story!

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Review #20, by mitzy Letters from Lav

13th October 2014:
Well, I have decided to just review the whole story so far, so here I am. Ron is being a pig... of COURSE Hermione dislikes the fact that Ron is talking to Lavender. Good chapter~

Author's Response: hey mitzy! thanks so much for coming back and continueing to read. I am glad you like my story, and yes Ron is being a pig.

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Review #21, by mitsy Positive or Negative

13th October 2014:
I enjoyed this chapter very much. Your characterization of everyone is almost spot on and I love reading stories that are good with characterization. I can't wait to read more, you have a good idea here

Author's Response: thanks so much! thanks for reading!

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Review #22, by Moonyxluna Positive or Negative

12th October 2014:
Hi I'm here with your requested review!

This is the first Dramione I've read in ages, and the first one I've done a review request for. (I had them as a no-go in my old thread) Yay Milestones! heh.

Jumping right in, we've got Hermione at her and Ron's house waiting on a pregnancy test. She seems very much hoping for a negative (which yay she got!), so I'm curious why she so badly wants it to be negative.. interesting setup :) It's got me guessing right away.

Her narrowed eyes were focused on a -- saying 'her narrowed eyes' reads kind of awkward. Maybe change it to "her eyes narrowed at the potion sitting on the counter. or something.

This could probably go for a tiny punctuation cleanup. There were a few times where there were some extra commas and some commas where the sentence should end.

ooh, we've got some tension buildup if Ginny is hoping for a little one and Hermione isn't. :p It definitely says something about the state of Ron and Hermione's relationship/life together that she is so adamant about not wanting kids.

I'm making a little face to myself because I really easily get defensive of Lavender Brown, especially used as a plot point in breaking up Ron and Hermione. She was painted in the book to be annoying because we read her from Hermione/Harry's point of view, but all she really did was have feelings Ron. I do like here that you don't really have Hermione disliking her so much as just being wary of her and the situation that Ron is putting their relationship in. If Ron does end up ditching Hermione for her, make sure you write it as Ron's fault, not hers. ;)

I always love seeing Ginny and the rest of the Weasley family so confused about Muggle objects. So fun and so cute.

So Ron is very affected by the Malfoy getting out. He obviously gets upset when Hermione sides with giving Malfoy a second chance. I guess it's a little understandable considering what happened to her and how Malfoy acted around her, that Ron's instinct would be to protect her. It's interesting that he goes back to lovey towards her after that moment.

So that brings up characterization. I don't think you have anything to be worried about here. Hermione seemed a little bit on the dramatic side; just a touch.. some of the dialogue with her seemed not quite like what I think she'd say, so maybe watch a little with the way you word the things she says. I really liked Ginny, and Ron from the way he seemed to be very forward about his feelings towards Draco, and then (characterization/writing wise, not actions wise) how he shrank back when the letter came at the end.

We left at a little bit of a cliffhanger with the letter, which sets up quite nicely.

Interesting first chapter! You definitely have a good set up here for some shifting of feelings in upcoming chapters. Great work!


Author's Response: Hey Julie,
I thank you so much for coming by and giving me an amazing review. I am glad you think that I am doing well on characterization! I am glad you liked the chapter as a whole. :)
I will be back to re-request!

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Review #23, by crestwood Nobody Likes a Liar

9th October 2014:
Hello Lindsey! It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Astoria really wasn't acting very nice last chapter, but this chapter took things so much further, wow. At first, I thought it was just because her best friend just died, like she said. But, then we find out about her lying about her pregnancy.. and that started way before Pansy's murder. I can't believe she did that simply out of jealousy, that's a really horrible thing to do, in any situation.

And then she goes and accuses Draco of liking Hermione, (which I think he does) as if that's the heinous crime being done here. Uggh, I don't like her very much. You've really written one of those "so evil, they're interesting to read about" kind of characters. She seems to have no real conscience and only cares about herself. Draco is very right to be as mad as he is.

Hermione is so caring when it comes to Draco. I love her forgiving nature and how she's portrayed in this story. The way you write her makes Dramione seem a lot more viable than some other stories I've read. Great job on her characterization. I'm really glad they've decided to be friends. I love them in this. Another really good chapter!

- Joey

Author's Response: Hey Joey,

Thanks so much for stopping by! I am glad you enjoyed this chapter. Yes Astoria is not such a nice person in my story, but that's because in my head I see her as someone not unlike Umbridge lol. I just don't see her as a sweet girl like some people write her. I am glad you enjoyed it, I will be back to re request ;)

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Review #24, by thetrainridein Best To Go Our Separate Ways

12th September 2014:
good so far, keep it up x

Author's Response: Hey thank you so much! Will do:)

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Review #25, by thetrainridein Nobody Likes a Liar

5th August 2014:
I'm loving this story. The slow build is like urgh but in a good way- I'll be sure to keep reading !

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it and I hope you keep reading!!

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