Reading Reviews for End of the Beginning
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LightLeviosa5443 Smile for me

24th April 2014:
Hi hon!

Here for our review swap! I was going to do the fic you just wrote, but I know you wrote it for my challenge, so I'll be reviewing it anyway! PM me once the edits on it have gone through, by the way!

So, I'm glad that I didn't read this right after I read Beginning of the End, because I'm able to read this and remember mostly what happened from Lavender's point of view, but not all of the minor details.

I really liked the way that you had Oliver so smitten with Lavender, and while I don't think that in general he would act like that, I can totally see him being that way if he was truly in love with someone.

Oh my gosh. The ending of this is so powerful. I just. Wow. I kind of wanted to cry at the end. So, she jumped, yeah? Did she die? Did he go with her? Are they both dead? Are they in the hospital? This story was so beautiful, and I loved the vocabulary you used in it. It just really added to the whole piece. Ugh. It was great. You should step out of your comfort zone more often hon.

Thanks for the review swap!

xoxo Sarah ♥

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Review #2, by kenpo Smile for me

16th April 2014:
Hello! I didn't realize that there was a companion piece!

Here I saw a little bit more of an Oliver that I recognized, like when he threatened the reporter, but I still didn't get a strong sense of his personality. He does seem to have matured, and I know that going through a war would change people on top of just the difference between before and after graduating from highschool, but you might want to work on creating flawed characters.

What I thought you did well was making Lavender's flaws really apparent in the other story, while really hiding them here. That makes sense, because from Oliver's POV, she's a much less flawed character. That shows how sweet he can be, even though during Quidditch he can be a little... competitive...

That's a nice way to say it, right? Haha, oh Oliver...

Something that I noticed in the other story but didn't mention because I thought it worked was how heavy in dialogue it was, and how much plot was driven my dialogue. Maybe it's because I read them back-to-back, but during Oliver and Lavender's interactions, it didn't feel like a different story. With different POV stories like this one, even though you're allowed to have more than 4 lines quoted because it's your own work, I'd still try to limit yourself (not necessarily to four, but maybe seven or eight) lines to make sure it feels like two stories to the reader.

I can see that you made a strong effort to make it it's own story, particularly with the interaction between Oliver and the reporter. I hate to be a canon nut... but since Oliver had left Hogwarts by book 5, he probably wouldn't've made the connection.

Okay... reading over this review, I feel like I'm giving you way too much CC, and I'm really not trying to be mean. You've improved a lot as a writer, and the characterisation is a place that if you were able to fine-tune it a little, it would make your stories improve even more.

I don't think I've mentioned that I think this pairing is really interesting. I've never really thought about it, and I think it's cool because in the books, both of them aren't the most likable characters.

I really enjoyed these two stories! Congrats on going out of your comfort zone with the characters and POVs!

-Georgia
-Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza-

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Smile for me

14th April 2014:
Hi!

I saw this published in the "recently added" stories and I had read the first one, so I immediately knew I had to read this one. You've done a great job with characterization here. I've never considered Lavender and Oliver as a couple before, but I really, really like them together. I love that you gave them such depth. I always felt like both characters were portrayed as immature, single focused people in the books, but you've had them grow up.

They are both such deep, caring people now and my heart just broke over and over again the whole time I was reading this. I absolutely love how Oliver doesn't see her as disfigured at all - he never mentions her face in any way other than absolutely beautiful. The way you've written it, you can just feel how much he cares for her.

Great job on the ending. As with the first piece, the reader does not know if they survived or not (maybe I'm just being wishful), but his love for her is so strong that he will not be in this world if she isn't.

Reviewed for the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

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