Reading Reviews for Remember Me
  
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Review #1, by Infinityx A Catch up of Sorts

14th April 2014:
Hello there! I came across your story in the archives and my first glance at the summary had me intrigued, so I thought I'd check it out!

You've got a very cute love story going on here! I especially love that little detail about him setting Freddie's cloak on fire and Jenna giving a small smile. I like how you don't start off by explaining that it's James Potter doing the narration. It was a wonderful surprise to find that out in the middle.

Poor Jenna! It's always horrible to find out that you're being cheated on. Stupid James. Why couldn't he just be sensitive to her feelings and not shout it out like that? :( But it's so sweet that he made her feel better. I think the way he expresses his love to her throughout this chapter is extremely adorable!

I would love to say, I romantically threw bricks up against the Gryffindor sixth yearís window confessing my undying love but this isn't a 17th century play. I did however shout Jenna repeatedly from the bottom of the girl's stairs, throwing my shoes up there.
Hahaha, I loved this line! This was absolutely brilliant! I love how this chapter is filled with such sudden bursts of humor. It's a wonderful touch. :)

I love how you brought in the Hogwarts motto as well! Your ideas are really fascinating and I think you've done a great job at integrating them into this chapter.

Oh my, Jenna. :( I hope she's all right! I can't imagine what James must have felt when she got hurt.

I have a little bit of constructive criticism.

You should take note of the tense you're using in your story. I noticed quite a few places where you mixed up the past and present tenses. This especially gets confusing in the beginning where you use "was" and "is".

Also, you mention Jenna's surname as Potter in the beginning, and then the entire chapter is a narration of how she became a Potter. You could show that transition a bit more clearly by using line breaks, or asterixes.

When you write dialogues, the format is such:
"I know" I said, taking in the view. --> "I know," I said, taking in the view.

"Just thought I'd remind you" --> "Just thought I'd remind you."

The comma/full stop that's required is missing from your dialogues. I used to make this same mistake when I first began writing, so don't feel bad about this. I'm only trying to help. :)
I suggest you go on to the forums and read through the tutorials that are present there. You can also find a beta reader who would read through your chapters and spot any mistakes such as missing commas or apostrophes that you might not have noticed.

Overall, I think this was a brilliant start to the story! Make sure to keep a track of the pace. You don't want it to get too rushed.

I hope you don't find this review too harsh! All my comments come with a hug and cookies. :) I'm putting this story on my reading list to come back to read on later! You can PM me on the forums if you have any questions about the review. :)

~Erin

(For the 'Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza')

Author's Response: No I don't think you were too harsh in fact that was perfect, a little constructive criticism never hurt anyone, so thank you!
And thank you for all the good points too, it's made me really happy, I'm glad you liked it! I'll definitely go through and change all the errors so again thank you for that!
The next chapter might be a while though, cause of exams and what not but I'm definitely continuing with the story and know exactly where it's going so it shouldn't be too long once I get into!
So again thank you for your help and thank you for reviewing it really does make me happy!!!
:))
- Aimee


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