Reading Reviews for The Untamed Emotions of Grief
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Acceptance

8th June 2014:
This was a good ending to the story and Hannah's journey.

One thing that I was wondering though as I read through the chapter is the part where you went from the funeral to Hannah fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and then she was visiting her mother's grave again, was that before or after Hannah fought in the Battle of Hogwarts because I wasn't really sure.

Hannah will carry her motherís fighting spirit.
I think 'will' should be changed to 'would' just so that you can keep it with the correct verb tense and such but it's something really minor so feel free to ignore it.

And fighting in her motherís memory was become futile

I would also suggest fixing the wording on this part of the sentence just so that it flows more smoothly and makes more sense to the reader, maybe change become into becoming?

Anyway, this was a great short story, good luck in the challenge and the results should be up some time today.

Author's Response: It was after the fighting scene. As a writer, I usually use italics for flashbacks. I will def. make those grammatical changes. Thanks so much for posting this wonderful contest! It was wonderful and congrats to the winners. THEY DESERVED IT!

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Review #2, by AlexFan Depression

8th June 2014:
I can see Hannah slowly making her way into accepting her mother's death, but at least she has the good memories of her mum left to think about and to keep her company on the days that she feels particularly sad or misses her mum.

It's interesting how Hannah went from this very loud and expressive form of grieving to this stage where she's just really quiet the entire time and and doesn't say much and prefers to grieve in silence. It doesn't seem like she even talks to Ian about what she's feeling so that they can at least deal with this together.

Another good chapter!

Author's Response: This is how I imagine how Hannah would act more since she is in Hufflepuff and I don't think they get too rattled up. She is very withdrawn. Thanks again!

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Review #3, by AlexFan Bargaining

8th June 2014:
I just want to hug Hannah right now, just hug her and tell her that it's not her fault that her mother is dead and that even if she had stayed and they hadn't moved, her mother might've died anyway.

I can understand Hannah's frustration because what she views as her mother simply being too annoying or paranoid, is really just her mother being cautious in a time where people are disappearing left, right, and centre. It never occurred to Hannah that while Hogwarts was the safest place that she could be, her parents weren't at Hogwarts and as safe as she was. Moving to Belgium probably would've been the best idea since Voldemort seemed to have the most influence in Britain.

Anyway, good third chapter.

Author's Response: Yes. I wanted Hannah to feel some guilt. Especially at the time (even during the books) the war was undermined for the students b/c they were protected. Thanks again for R&R!

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Review #4, by AlexFan Anger

8th June 2014:
Well then, that escalated really really quickly.

I thought Hannah was about to start smashing the plates that she'd set up in the kitchen (or was it the living room or something) because she had just completely lost control of herself. Personally, I think you wrote Hannah's anger a lot better than her denial. I was enjoying her outbursts a lot more than her denial. I felt like this chapter was a way better representation of showing Hannah's anger because it showed that she was coming into terms with the fact that her mother was dead. My favourite part had to be when she switched from screaming about her mother being alive to her mother being dead because she had finally acknowledged it.

I thought the fact that she kept yelling insult after insult and destroying everything around her was quite believable because, personally, I felt like it was Hannah's way of trying to get everyone to hurt the way that she was hurting and to make them feel the pain that was feeling.

There's just something about Hannah's dad though that's bothering me, it doesn't feel like he's grieving because to me he doesn't act like it but than again that could just be because we don't get to know him all that much.

Anyway, your second chapter was great!

Author's Response: This is escalated really quickly. I had trouble with this b/c I can't imagine someone from Hufflepuff being too angry like this so I am surprised that you liked this better & seem it fit to character! Thanks a ton for R&R

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Review #5, by AlexFan Denial

8th June 2014:
Sorry for taking so long to get to reading your entry but I'm finally getting around to it.

This was an interesting character to write about because we never learn much about Hannah Abbott in the books and there's not a lot of stories that are written about what kind of a person she might've been like and certainly not about the death of her mother so this was an interesting angle.

I think you displayed the denial that Hannah must've felt really well. She seemed to deny everything that was being told to her as lies, never thinking that people usually don't make jokes about a parent or close relative dying like that. I found it quite believable how she kept thinking to herself that surely her mum was alive and not dead and I can understand what means, the idea of someone you love being dead is a very scary thing and I think everyone would remind themselves that it's impossible for the people you love to die.

I can't imagine being in her situation and being pulled out of class to be told that your own mother is dead, it would be horrifying.

One thing I noticed at the very end was this sentence:
She just had snapped into a whole another phase.

I get what you mean with the sentence, that she was entering another phase in the grieving process but the way that it was worded was really awkward and made it difficult to understand what you were saying. My suggestion would be to either take out the 'whole' in the sentence or change another into other.

But other than that, good job!

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. & Congrats to the winner! As I am finally answering now. I haven't ever read a story about Hannah, but she is a flexible character since we don't know so much about her. And when I saw this challenge I knew I wanted to do her and her mother's death. Everyone went through hardships in the war, Hannah's was minimized to a few lines. Thanks for R&R and I will edit that sentence so it flows more smoothly.

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Review #6, by Iellwen Anger

21st May 2014:
ANGER! Wow, a wave of fury!

Oh, Hannah, how could you... It breaks my heart in so many pieces, through so many levels... Hannah, dear sweet Hannah... Her destroying her mother's garden is just so "unlike" her, which is part of grieving, part of anger... You're doing a great job expressing her feelings and it really hurt to read this chapter.
Though her outburst with Alice the neighbour lightened my mood a bit (I was really rooting for Hannah! You tell her girl! Cookies and brownies, no matter how stale, just won't bring the dead back you old crone! I know she was only trying to help... But dang darnit she kinda deserved it!) :D

I love Hannah (she really is underappreciated!) and I really love your portrayal of her, so honest and raw just like I picture her - until I started reading this story, I had completely overlooked how the War affected her and the loss of he mother was kind of pushed under a carpet, overshadowed by the deaths of the "main" characters...
Grief is a delicate subject but it's an important processing of emotions that is often left unfinished. I'm really looking forward to read on until Acceptance!

There's something liberating about Hannah letting her anger take over - I picture her timid and afraid of getting angry.
Honestly, I'm glad I waited to read on otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to characterize "my" Hannah.. You've brought forth a strong lovable Hannah whom I personally can really relate with!
Man, I just know Bargaining is gonna break my heart..!

Thank you for writing this...! I can guess it wasn't all that easy to write and that many readers will recoil from such a serious topic, but you've done an amazing work with it.

Author's Response: HI! Yes, anger... there was such a rage in her heart that it warped her. I always imagine Hannah being sweet too which is why I kind of wrote it like a eccentric anger, impulsive anger. Yes, Alice lol It was rather insensitive of her thinking her stale baked goods could save the day.

When I saw this challenge, I immediately wanted to do Hannah because as you said she is under-appreciated. No one thinks how the war affected HER expect that the little, non-heartfelt scenes.

Anyway, ^___^ Thanks so much for R&R! Hope you enjoy the rest of the short story. =D


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Review #7, by Iellwen Denial

24th April 2014:
Hi there!

Wow, what a powerful first chapter. I love the way you started it, then added the title in huge script - Denial. Just perfect!

I love that you chose Hannah; I've also gotten her for a different challenge and she's such a wonderful, underrated character! I really like the way you portray her here, in her first stage. It kinda got eerie by the end, but that's what denial does to one... ^^

Grief is a delicate subject but you write about it as delicately as it needs; this story is obviously going to be a downer but it's healthy to go through all the stages :)

Quick typos: when she thought she heard a snicker and when McGonagall says sorry for you losS :)

*Gee

Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, I wanted to go stage by stage. Immediately when I saw this challenge, I wanted to do a story on Hannah because I think people forget she was hurt by the war too. And I have to agree she is underrated. There is a reason why Neville fell in love with her. It was a little eerie. Anger can def. be twisted. Look at Lord Vordy lol. And thank you for pointing out the typo. ^__^
So much thanks to the review.


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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Denial

15th April 2014:
Whoa! This story seems like it's going to be a doozy!

The idea of tackling the difficult topic of the loss of a loved one by framing each chapter in a stage of the acceptance process is very neat! It is so sad that Hannah lost her mother, but hopefully she can come to bear her grief more easily as she travels through the stages.

This first stage, denial, is a rather strange one. Hannah immediately refuted McGonagall's news and continued to refute it throughout the chapter. At the end, she begins to exhibit signs of anger, which is a relatively quick transition. You showed all of the emotion really vividly throughout--great job!! :D

I have a few grammatical suggestions:

When McGonagall says "There were unfortunate circumstances that just occur," I think that she should say "occurred" instead of "occur." That's a bit more grammatically sound, and no one is more grammatical than Minerva McGonagall!

"Death Eaters" should be two words, both capitalized.

You used the word "contoured" to describe the way Hannah's face moved. I think the word "contorted" might fit a little better.

But those are the only things that I noticed! Otherwise, this was really clear and easy to read, while being so emotional and descriptive!

For the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you! ^__^ When I saw this challenge, I wanted to do Hannah. She tends to be a forgotten canon character and that she actually did experience a loss during the war. It was quick b/c I was didn't want to drag it on, but I am glad you think I did a great job. It encourages me!

ANND THANK YOU! For the suggestions. I struggle with grammar and it tends to be the biggest complainant from my readers. So I took your suggestions and edited it. Thank you =)

Also thanks for the review


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