Reading Reviews for Tusk, Tusk
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lostmyheart Albus - 2

3rd May 2014:
Hi!

I'm finally here for your requested review!
I've been studying all week, and this afternoon, so I'm very tired. Not sure if it was a good idea to read this while being this tired, but let's see.

It was a very long chapter, but I managed to read it in like... an hour. Haha :D I'm a slow reader when I'm sleepy.

It was confusing at some points, when you let two people talk to each other without in one setting. Not sure how to explain it, but it would have been easier to read when someone responds, it's on a new line.
Also, some of the sections are quite big and long, it would also make it easier to break them down. You know, those two really big sections that starts with Scorpius. I have to be honest, I didn't finish the first one. But I'm so tired, so that's why I skipped a little. Sorry :(

That being said, I love(!) your version of Albus! You've done an excellent characterization. He's funny, he has that brotherly protectiveness that I adore, just the way the thinks is hilarious. You really have a knack for the humoristic genre.
I loved the way you described Molly, how weird she got when she found out someone was in love with her. 'Bam. Weird.' Haha :D

Maybe you do have a lot crammed into the story, but it only seems like a lot because of the two big sections. If they were broken into three sections each, it would make the story flow a lot easier :)

I hope this review helped :) And I would love to read the next chapter as well, so feel free to re-request!

All in all, I think you're doing great!
- Lostmyheart

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Review #2, by jessicalorewrites Molly - 1

2nd May 2014:
Hey, I'm here because you requested a review on my topic! First off I'm going to answer each of your areas of concern and then add in my own little thoughts about different things that I like :)

1. Characterisation?
So, so far we've only been introduced to Molly and Scorpius and although I can't be 100% how reliable their current personalities are (they are drunk, after all) they both seem quite well rounded. I particularly like the fact that you're writing a Molly/Scorpius because even though ScoRose is my ultimate OTP, it's nice to see some variety since I abhorrently dislike Scorpius/Lily. Molly seems like a very snarky character which I love!

2. Grammar?
I'm pretty sure most of your grammar is sound :) there aren't any glaringly obvious mistakes anyway.

3. Does the ending tie to the beginning?
Yeah! I couldn't even tell they were written at different times. Often with stories you can (particularly in mine, oops) but this was seamless and ran well together.

I've added this to my currently reading and am definitely going to continue to read! I love the idea of multiple POVs so I'll be interested to read Albus next.

Thank you,

- Jess xo

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm pretty glad you like Molly and Scorpius - part of my initial worry was just how believable this ship was going to be. Even so, I'm happy that you also like them as the separate people they are. Molly is definitely something; she's one of my favourite next gen characters of all time when people aren't making her out to be a Percy clone.

And wo, so excited it all ran fluidly. I had to change it a few times to get it to work, but I'm glad it did. Thank you so much!


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Review #3, by marauderfan Albus - 2

25th April 2014:
Hello! Here for our review swap! :D

This is quite an entertaining story so far! It's cool that you're telling it from different POV's, and I like the narration style with all the parenthetical asides. I sort of talk like that anyway so it's quite easy to follow! :P I love how Albus' attention in this chapter is basically focused on two things: pie, and punching Scorpius if he can haha.

I like the Scorpius/Molly angle as I don't know if I've actually seen that in any other fanfiction, so that was a refreshing change. And poor Albus, I could really feel for him, it must be quite irritating if your best friend only fancies members of your family, so I found it quite funny how he reacted to Scorpius' kind of simultaneous crushes on Rose and Molly.

I love the little anecdotes in the asides, as well - like the backwards article in the Quibbler, and the story about Scorpius confessing his love for Dominique (who, again, is a member of Albus' family, bet he still holds this over Scorpius' head as well haha) Without having to go into the whole history of what happened, you include these little snippets which really enrich the story and add humourous detail to the characters. I like it.

One thing I would beware of is huge paragraphs. There are two paragraphs in this chapter that are quite long and I think could be broken up into two or three just for ease of reading, as a huge chunk of text sometimes can put readers off.

There are also a couple of paragraphs where there are multiple speakers of dialogue, and in general it's much easier to tell who's speaking if there's only one speaker per paragraph, so I'd suggest separating those as well. :)

My grammatical rambling aside, this is a very entertaining story so far! Great work and thanks for the swap :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Yay, I'm glad it does come across from being different POVs and all - didn't want to be telling the story in a similar fashion when seen through different people's eyes. Albus was by far my favourite to write; I'm considering toying with him some more in this context, maybe in a one-shot or another short story.

I'm also happy you liked my take on this next-gen ship - if it is indeed a ship, given how weird Molly can be. And anecdotes are my favourite thing ever to slip in, if only to give the reader a broader view to the story and the characters in it, I just feel it makes it a little more real. (Oh, Scorpius is just head over heels over those Weasley girls.)

I do think you're right about the paragraphs - better in book form than fanfiction. Going to see if I can break those up in a way that makes it easier to digest, indeed, as well as the dialogue you just mentioned.

Thank you so much, your review was very constructive and lovely! Glad to swap with you!


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Review #4, by maraudertimes Molly - 1

22nd April 2014:
Hiya! Review swap!

Well this is a quaint little idea! I've never actually seen a Molly/Scorpius fic, so it certainly was refreshing! I absolutely love your Molly by the way. Very different from the usual, but I really like her. Rose is not so different from some fics, but she's also still the same: a little bit pompous. Perhaps even a lot.

Scorpius seems like a likeable character as well and his unrequited feelings towards Rose are a little sad, but nonetheless totally believable (unlike her dating Matt Dean Thomas Jr.).

On that note, why is it Matt Dean Thomas Jr.? Dean Thomas was named exactly that. DEAN Thomas. Not Matt Dean Thomas. Having the Jr. at the end of Matt Dean Thomas's name doesn't really make sense since his name is different from his father's. If his name was Dean Thomas Jr., it would make sense, but maybe you'd want to get rid of the Jr.?

In any case, this was a rather interesting chapter and it's really funny to see Molly and Scorpius, ah... otherwise incapacitated (?) and moaning about this and that. Their kiss and what led up to it was exceptionally believable and I really hope they don't get caught with that bottle!

Great job!
Lo:)

Author's Response: sup >D

haha, thank you! Everyone's been saying that it isn't an usual pairing and its actually surprise me. But glad to say I'm breaking the mold in some way, even if its just one inebriated kiss. ^^ One of the things I've always tried to do with Molly is bring her away from that box that other fics put her into, which where is annoying and uptight like her father, and give her a personality that branches out into a different persona. Something you can do with next gen with nothing set in stone. I have, however, written Rose before but never in such pompous manner, so figured it was time to do so.

Scorpius is fabulous.

You know, you raised a really good question - I think I sort of wanted to get across that he's even MORE pompous than Rose could ever be. I should probably clear this up in some later chapter; maybe its the kids that call him Jr, or switch the names around. Definitely gave me something to think about!

but thank you so much, I appreciate your views on my story ^__^


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Review #5, by Lostmyheart Molly - 1

18th April 2014:
Hi there!

I'm here for your requested review :)
First things first, I really loved reading this! You've created a really believable character out of Molly. A weird and funny kind. You've written it exceptionallly well, gave a lot of details and the story flow was very easy and not irritating in some way. I like that you put her own thought's here and there.

It was a little weird that Scorpius and his parents were at a Weasley/Potter party, but then again... it's been years since the war and things probably changed. It would have been nice as a reader to get a little bit information about that, since not many are as open as I am :P
The way you described the family gatherings reminded me a little bit of an exclusive party like the ones Professor Slughorn used to have and Harry and the rest of them weren't too fond of them, so it was a little uncharacteristic that they'd have parties like that in the future. But I still liked the story and the beginning of it.

You mentioned you were concerned how the beginning and the end was like, if they were connected or not. To be honest, I'm really sure what you mean with that, since endings usually shouldn't be like the beginning. But maybe you meant your characters or the writing style?
At first Molly didn't seem to like Scorpius more than just a friend (maybe you did leave small signs but I didn't quite manage to see them :P) but since she's a little tipsy and funny-weird, I wasn't surprised they kissed and it was probably a result of Scorpius' heartbreak. So in my opinion the story's beginning and ending fit each other :)

And I really liked your idea of making each chapter a different POV. It would a very interesting thing to do, since the family is so big but that would require you to write very different character's and their way of thinking is not the same - so I erally hope for you that you can pull this off! :) But since the first chapter is written so well, it wouldn't surprise me if you did.

Big thumbs up, I loved reading this chapter.
When the second chapter gets up, feel free to re-request! I'd love to read the rest of this story :)
- Avi

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm really glad that you like Molly. One of the things I adore about writing next gen is that you get to explore them better because the character is set but they're technically blank slates - so you can do anything you want with them. I really enjoyed working her like this too ^_^

Oh, it wasn't like that at all - didn't notice it came across as that, but its merely the whole family getting together and of course luna being invited, and scorpius being there because of the kids. (though of coursee they're quite the exclusive bunch.)

In general, indeed - just that it didn't make sense, as if they were two different stories. I'm glad it didn't feel like that, definitely. And you got it precisely, actually - she doesn't see him as much more, but then again, alcohol tends to make you work in weird ways; at least it does for them.

And thank you! Its definitely a challenge, which I look forward to with sweat on my brow and my fingers ready to type away at my laptop, and one that I plan on tackling. I hope I do well!

Thanks so much! I'll definitely re-request when the next chapter gets through the queue!


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Review #6, by UnluckyStar57 Molly - 1

16th April 2014:
Welcome back to HPFF!! I'm so glad you've come back!

This story is already off into the thick of things! I love the friendship that you established between Molly and Scorpius to start off, and then one drunken thing led to another and...

SMASH. Friendship is going to be different from now on, isn't it? I wonder what Rose and Albus will think when/if they find out that Scorpius and Molly are snogging? I can't wait to see the other PoVs as this story takes off!

Molly/Scorpius is a really unique pairing! I see a lot of Molly as the stodgy, uptight cousin that nobody really likes, and in this story, that's not the case. Sure, she's disillusioned by her relatives (aren't we all?), but she seems to be a bit of a trouble-maker herself. (Rule followers and alcohol rarely mix!) So I look forward to seeing her character develop as time goes on.

This is a brilliant start! Please update soon! :D

~UnluckyStar57

For the Huffleclaw-Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza.

Author's Response: Hey! And thank you!

ahahaha, this was my favourite thing ever. I just love Molly, and of her personality here it was just fitting for her to have Scorpius to batter around! Something had to go astray, especially when firewhiskey is involved somehow ;D And I can assure you they all find out. Its going to be beautiful.

I once read a one-shot and then a story that made me completely change my view of how Molly was, and ever since, I could never live with myself by making her a mini-Percy. So instead she's - whatever this is. LOL. thanks so much for the lovely review, I hope the following chapters don't disappoint!


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Review #7, by Lululuna Molly - 1

6th April 2014:
Hello! :) I don't know if you've seen my post on your status on the forums yet, but I figured you wouldn't mind a review swap on this chapter as it seems quite recent. And I'm also so glad I read this as this story seems like so much fun already! :)

A quick note before the good stuff: your italics have the brackets around them still instead of being in italics - there's a different coding for the Simple Editor if that's what you're using.

I really like the style of the narration here - how Molly uses quite long, complicated sentences and the brackets to show her secondary thoughts. It's quite unique and effective and really does a good job of showing her voice as a character, and since this is a collection with different points of view I'm curious to see how you will continue to make each character's voice seem distinctive.

Molly also had a certain snarkiness to her tone which I just loved - how she's a little mean and quite sassy about her friends and her relatives really made me laugh. I liked all the little comments and details on the family, like how disdainful Molly is about spending time with them and how she's scornful about Dominique sneaking around with Teddy - hmm, interesting development there. I also liked her comments about Rose, and how she was pleased Rose was the pompous one and not her - Molly has a point, usually she's the one portrayed to be a mini-Percy so it was nice to see how she really does not want to be like that.

I loved the relationship between Scorpius and Molly - how comfortable they are being best friends, how they're a little sassy to each other even to the point of Molly being rather mean. The comments about him being so pretty and looking like a girl especially made me laugh, as did his musings over Rose. :P Poor guy. Their drunken banter was so funny as well and I loved how it got progressively worse.

I'm so curious to find out if this was just a casual drunken snog between friends or if it's going to amount to something more, which might cause a problem with the family judging by the summary. Their interactions seemed really silly and natural - I especially loved the last line - and very realistic in a way.

I really enjoyed this first chapter, and will be looking forward to the next one! :) Great job!

Author's Response: hey! And I just realised, and already edited it - since it was nano, and I'm so used to writing for PW - well, the habit has quite stuck ^_^ thank you for letting me know, though!

This has really given me something to think about, about how to make each voice different, and am definitely taking it into considering for the following chapters. Don't really want them all to sound by the same voice, do I?

I have little to reply to but just say thank you, because it was indeed a very lovely review swap - and it has made me think more about the story and the general thought put into it, rather than just letting it flow freely. Scorpius/Molly was something I've wanted to write for a while, not in terms of ship but in friendship. Now is there left to see what comes off from this, if anything does at all - ;D

thank you so much!


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