46 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Veritaserum27 The Quidditch International Foundation

27th September 2014:
Hello!

I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room for the Story Search Round 1!

I'm so glad to get caught up on this story. What?! A whole year has gone by? Oh my goodness. I love Laney. I love that she's ambitious and smart and quick-witted. It's so refreshing to see a female character portrayed as not helpless or clueless or hopelessly in love with the male lead. Although Louis is yummy, she still has her eyes on the prize: winning the election.

Jim seems to be a complete dolt. I mean, talk about your insecure dominant male... I hope that even if she doesn't win, she still manages to take him down a peg or two. You've done a great job setting up this story - I'm really impressed. You've got great characters, an awesome plot and you've managed to weave in a lot of politics without making it confusing. Nice job!

Laney also isn't without her own set of faults. Talk about being prejudiced against Quidditch players! Geez! Give James a bit of a chance, will you? He was completely kind and thoughtful - and not brain-dead! Sorry - I don't mean to yell at your characters.

Love the story so far!

♥ Beth

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Review #2, by maraudertimes Let's Make a Deal

19th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for the challenge reviews!

Ohmigoodnes, I read your A.N. and I was like "Oh this better continue on" and then I saw it had seven chapters and I was good. Honestly though, I really liked this for some reason.

I say for some reason because Laney *is* kind of... rude... mean... judgemental... and basically the epitome of people I dislike and Louis is... proud... calculating... uses his name for perks... and basically the epitome of guys I steer clear from. But together? I am so excited to see how they interact, for goodness sake, their chemistry already is amazing!

I like the way you've set the scene, especially with Laney from France, although maybe this is just me, but I would've expected an accent or a reason as to why she doesn't have one. However, I'm going to assume that because of her English last name and the fact that many people know her father, she was shipped off for school. I would like to know why but that's just me. :)

Ugh her icky boss is icky. And I love the independent 'I'm going to do my own thing to get what I need' attitude Laney has in exploiting her boss's ickyness. And it's awesome that Louis noticed it. Shows they have a bit in common.

I'm excited to see where this story goes and I absolutely love the chapter image/banner and basically everything. It's really well set up. Great job!

Lo :)

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Review #3, by BellaLestrange87 Let's Make a Deal

6th September 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

I really liked this first chapter. The humour in the opening two paragraphs made me want to keep reading (and wonder why wizards can't give their parchment lines). Your main character is interesting, and I love the sarcasm in her thoughts.

The ending of this chapter - "and I feel like I just made a deal with the devil" - makes me wonder if something about Laney's deal with Louis is going to go wrong.

Spelling and grammar-wise, I didn't see any errors, which is good.

The only bit of CC I have is that the other assistant has braces. As far as I know a wizard could just use a spell to fix errant teeth (and I believe Madam Pomfrey did so in Book 4). That is only a very, very little thing, though, and it doesn't detract from this excellent chapter.

~Olivia

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Review #4, by R o s m e r t a A Couple of Firsts

4th September 2014:
I have so many feelings right now, but since you're glaring at me and making me all anxious I'll start with your questions. I. HATE. LOUIS. after this chapter! I want to say terrible things about him that are so not appropriate in this review. He is such a dude and I wish I could punch him in the face (basically because he's way too similar to too many guys I know - poor Laney!). I am Team James all the way but I just know Laney's going to break his little heart! She is ruthless and I love her because she reminds me of Blair Waldorf (who I like to believe is my namesake because I am that amazing). I kind of want Louis to turn out to be her Chuck Bass, though...maybe...bah okay I don't know what I want! I like the political aspect because it shows how power-hungry and driven she is which sets the tone for the whole James vs. Louis thing...does that make sense? It does in my head at least, which is obviously what's important. Anyway, you've done an awesome job making Laney seem like a total jerk but also completely relatable/someone to root for and I love that! I can't wait to see where you take this story so I'm going to harass you despite your genius classes and college apps (which are the literal worst, but at least you don't need to worry about your essay writing since you're clearly killin it! :)). UPDATE NOW! Please? K thx bye xoxo Blair

Author's Response: HOONNNEEEYYY!! I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH! When you said you read some of my stuff, I thought you meant that you read one of my stories, not both!! Eeee! You have made me so happy right now! ^.^ Yay! First person to answer my question!! *cheers and hands cookies* Ugh, gosh, I know right?! Even I'm starting to hate him in this chapter (but don't tell him as all of my characters are like my children, I have to love them all :P). Hehe I feel ya, hun. He is such a d-word along with other words that are very much not 15+ haha. Yes, he was modeled a bit around this guy I know so I feel ya pain gurl! Gosh, I know! I don't think James could take being told that she is dating him to use his fame. BLAIR WALDORF IS A GOD. Sorry, just had to put that out there. (Why does GG have to be over?? *cries*) Yes, I know what you mean but at the same time, though I liked Chuck and Blair, I was always a Blair and Dan fan ;) Yes, it may be strange but all these ramblings make sense to me!! (Maybe it's just because I'm a lot like that too though...) Yay! I'm so glad you are liking her. I worry about that sometimes as she could be a easy character to hate. Squeee! Literally you have made my day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BLAIR (WALDORF)!
Mary xoxo
P.S. Are you on the forums?? Get on them!! That way you can PM me and we can talk and you will love the forums and just get on them!!!


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Review #5, by Infinityx The Quidditch International Foundation

4th September 2014:
Hi! Here for the September BvB battle!

I can't believe I didn't get back to this earlier! Your first two chapters got me hooked and I think I read this one but didn't review. Better late than never, right? :D

I adore Laney. I don't know why, but I think it's because of her confidence and passion towards her goal. She's a woman who knows what she wants and won't let society or other people's views or anything stand in her way. I think that's really inspiring, even if her methods might be subject to opinion.

I love the professionalism between Laney and Louis, but at the same time, they also have a connection. I mean, they're sleeping together and are working towards an interconnected goal, but they also seem to understand each other in a way that if they ever do get into a romantic relationship (in an alternate universe), they would make a good pair. I totally ship them at the moment. :D

Haha, you go Laney! I love how she doesn't back down when Jim tries to intimidate her. She can see right through him and I the PoV lets the reader understand her thoughts as well so I love your writing style! I'm sure she's going to win this.

Aah, James. Why do I have a feeling he's going to play a major role in this plan that Louis has? He seems to be a cute character. Not at all Laney's type so I really don't see how she ends up falling for him. I mean, they have nothing in common. I can't wait to see how it develops! What on earth would they talk about? :o

Aw, Laney's claiming Louis. :') Totally shipping those two! If you make me change my mind later and ship Laney and James, then you can treat yourself to a huge box of chocolates because right now it's L-squared for me!

Ah, I was right! Whatever Louis' plan is, it had better be a good one. I'm sure it will and Laney's going to win the election. But then James will factor into the equation. Oooh, I can't wait to see how this will play out!

I'm going to read on now. Great chapter! I'm so glad I came back to this!

~Erin

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Review #6, by marauderfan A Boyfriend and Something Else

24th August 2014:
Hello, I'm popping in again!

I really like James and Laney's 'relationship'. I think he's just the influence Laney needs. Honestly she's a lot more similar to Louis, in the way they're both manipulative and shrewd and they think in the same way, but I don't think they would last in the long term - or if they did it might not necessarily be a very happy relationship. James would make Laney happy. So I'm on his side at this point ;)

And the discrimination agh! Grr! But I really like that you put it in there, because the world is full of discrimination and it's an ugly fact about society but it's there, and you don't try to hide that. So there's this element of realism in here that I really appreciate, even though the goblin discrimination makes me angry!

The vote in the Wizengamot made me sad as well, how she has to vote against her morals in order to gain a higher standing in the polls. I wonder if there will eventually be a point at which she has to face whether her position of authority or her morals matter more to her. I think she'll get pretty deep in before she realises she's not making the change she wants to. Anyway, I'm excited to see where her journey goes and how she reacts to the many pressures of the political system.

Aw, you didn't need to credit me for that sentence :p Credit to you for writing such a great story! :)



Author's Response: Aw! You are so sweet for coming a leaving me a review after everything you have already done for this story. You are literally the BEST beta in the whole world *hugs* Eee! Yay! More Laney and James shippers. Honestly, they are the couple I'm trying to sell yet people still see Louis as the better choice... Thank you for seeing that! They aren't happy together! He never looks out for her, only for himself, while James does all that he can for Laney, despite only knowing her for a short while. *sigh* Unfortunately high school guys seem to be taking a page out of Louis' book rather than James'. Sigh, hopefully college guys are better :P

Gosh I know! I mean, the world all around us is still so prejudice and it is so terrible and the wizarding world is described many times as being behind the muggle times so I would think it would be (unfortunately) worse there. I'm currently reading this book about this boy growing up in segregated South Africa and it is just terrible what they are doing to people just because of the color of their skin. Gah! It just gets me so mad but I'm happy that I'm not boring readers with that info :P

Yes, I'm thinking that over the process of the novel, Laney will speak up more and more for her beliefs. Right now all she cares about is getting ahead but you can already see from her a little bit her passion to make things better and hopefully James can help her see that somethings are more important than her own ambition.

Aw, thanks! This review literally made my day :P


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Review #7, by Sanne A Boyfriend and Something Else

11th August 2014:
I'm starting to love this story more and more. I really like the political angle, the subject hasn't really been touched in the HP books.

At the moment I like James a bit more, but I think Louis and Laney are a better match. They are both ambitious and shrewed, and are quite willing to put their morals aside. I can't remember if it has been mentiones, but was Laney in Slytherin?

Author's Response: Ep! Thank you so much!! ^.^ I kinda wish it had, you know. It's so different in the wizarding world and we get just little glimpses at it and I think it is so interesting... I guess that why I'm writing this haha.

Ah, yes, I like James too. Louis is just a little on the selfish side, as it Laney. However, I don't know about you, but I'm shipping James and Laney till the end. Honestly I have no idea who is going to end up with whom in the end (these characters seem to have a mind of their own) but I'm rooting for James :P And Laney didn't go to Hogwarts, she went to beauxbatons, but if she did, she would have definitely been in Slytherin right along side Louis.

Thanks again for the lovely review!
Mary


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Review #8, by Aphoride Let's Make a Deal

4th August 2014:
Hey Mary, dropping by from the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

So, you should know that I love politics, it's something which really fascinates me, so I'm amazed it's taken me this long to get here, because this really does seem right up my street!

I love how you've got her starting off at the bottom - and Louis as well - even though her dad is pretty well-known and pretty high up in the Ministry, it seems. It's an interesting route to go with her, rather than her asking daddy to put her in a better job to start, you know, and says a lot about her character and how she wants to do it on her own, not with her dad's support, kinda thing. Laney is a really good character, too - she's not necessarily very nice, is very driven and manipulative, quite haughty and a bit egotistical, but somehow she's interesting and I want to read more about her and if she stays like this the whole way. It's an impressive knack to have ;)

I really like the other characters as well, and the way you show them solely through Laney's pov. Like the other assistant, who's kinda plain and a bit dowdy and probably really very nice, but Laney hates her and looks down on her. And the boss who is a bit of a pig, tbh, but you get people like him and the other girl, you know?

Louis is awesome. I love how you're using him like a kinda male mirror-image of Laney, in the sense that they're so similar, and they have similar aims and are happy to have similar methods of getting what they want. It's kind of a devilish pact, if that makes sense, and I'm so interested to know how it turns out.

This is such a good set up and such a good start to the story. I'm so curious to know what happens with the pact and with the job and all... also, whether or not Laney will stay as she is or if she'll change as the story goes on.

Ah, such a good story! I'll have to keep an eye in this ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Eee! Aph! Thanks for this review!! *hugs* (Where is the :hug: smily when you need it? ;))

I never really saw Laney as taking the easy route. Yes, she takes her own sort of shortcuts, but she makes sure that it is because of her that she gets the shortcut, not just because of who her father is. She is confident and proud and that has made her want to get places on her own merit. Yes, she is definitely all those things, no matter how negative they are ;) But at the same time, how proud she is of those characteristics just makes me like her because she is a bit quirky but not in the usual stance.

Yeah, I'm glad you caught on that some of the people she meets aren't really the way she describes them. She is somewhat of an unreliable narrator (which has made some feel like the story is a bit too mary sue-ish unfortunately), but I feel like that is just part of her charm ;)

What can I say, they are two peas in a pod :P However, they are too alike that I feel like there will be some friction coming up between them. They are both too driven and manipulative to be able to work together seamlessly.

Thank you again!!

Mary xoxo


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Review #9, by Roisin All Hope is not Lost

30th July 2014:
Ah, I really like that Hermione turned up! Super hoping for some Hermione/Laney confrontation at some point.

I like the rumblings of feminist themes in this story--from Hermione keeping her maiden name, to the press being unduly concerned with Laney's appearance. I'm really excited to see how this develops as the story progresses.

James is really delightfully cocky, too. It makes sense that he wouldn't worry about coming off too eager--celebrity as he is.

Looking forward to the next update!

-Roisin

Author's Response: Aw, you are so sweet for always reviewing. You always make my day when you do :P How could she not ;) She was so interested in change at school through things like SPEW that I couldn't have it any other way but for her to continue fighting for those who have no one else to fight for them. Oh, I am planning on it ;) Probably will take a little bit but I am thinking that she will have a large impact on Laney's life and what she does with it. Yeah, its actually quite strange that there are such strong feminist themes here as I am not much of a feminist myself, however I am a strong believer that if I person works hard and is good at what they do, they shouldn't be looked over just because of their gender or race. Hehe, yes, I've always been a fan of cocky James. The little that we see him in the books, he just seems to radiate confidence and self assurance. Thanks again!!
xoxo
Mary


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Review #10, by Roisin The First Date

30th July 2014:
Woo updates!

The missing pyramid bit was very, very funny--as was Laney's opinion of Quidditch. Still wondering if she's a muggle born! You mentioned their talking about their childhoods, but no info yet; I'm very curious about her past.

Laney's such a B, but at the same time, there's a subtle vulnerability there that she won't speak to directly, or may not be conscious of. She wants Louis to care about her, she's worried about the polls--there's a desperation that motivates a lot of her decisions (although she certainly wouldn't use that word).

The pronunciation of the menu bit was great too. It's a weird thing about Brits, they flat out REFUSE to pronounce foreign words correctly--especially if they are French words. It makes absolute sense that James wouldn't know.

On to the next!
-Roisin

Author's Response: Seriously smiling so much right now. You are really the sweetest :P Hehe, thank you very much. I gotta just add that humor in there as I have a strong opposition to writing things to heavy, even if it is just a person't views on quidditch haha! Yes, there will be a scene where all that is explained in a couple chapters. After the elections we will get to meet the parents!!

You got her spot on :P I think she tries to be stronger than she really is and that she thinks that if she ignores he weaknesses, she won't have any. Yes, she definitely wouldn't use that world though it so perfectly encompasses what she is doing.

Haha, couldn't help but add that in ;) I picked up a little bit of that when I visited there a year ago but I shouldn't really be talking as I, an American, butcher every foreign word I come across :P

Xoxo
Mary


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Review #11, by jessicalorewrites All Hope is not Lost

25th July 2014:
Eep, hello! Back for the final owed review but trust me, I shall be here for the entire ride of the story :p

James and Laney are sooo cute! I know there wasn't any face-to-face interactions here but their little note sending is major adorbs eek. It's like them being back in school ;)

Still loving the political side to me. It's not really a topic that interests me in general but the way you tackle it in this fic has me hanging on every word :D I feel like Laney will win the Wizog of Kent role but probably not by a lot... hope all goes well!!

Another fabulous chapter by a fabulous writer. I love it!

xo

Author's Response: Yay! You're too sweet!!

Seriously though, they make me even squeal a little and I write them! Haha! They are just too adorable for words!!

Yes, Laney sure has her work cut out in front of her if she wants to win Wizog, but... No! I'm sorry, I can't give away spoilers!!

Yay! You are so amazing!! Love you so much after these reviews. They have seriously made my days the multiple times I have read over them :P

xoxo
Mary


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Review #12, by Collylocks All Hope is not Lost

23rd July 2014:
I think the take on political machinations is pretty original and I'm enjoying the ride along. :) Looking forward to seeing how the story develops!

Author's Response: Ep! Thank you so much!! You have no idea how much this review means to me :P The next chapter is already written so it should be out in about a week! Hope you continue liking it!
xoxo
Mary


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Review #13, by jessicalorewrites The First Date

19th July 2014:
Hey! I'm here with your prizes for placing first in my challenge uwu

I think I ship Janey more than I ship Lanouis :o I feel like James could maybe loosen her up a little bit and take her mind off of work, something Louis can't really do since he works in the same place. Louis and Laney would work better as best friends, I think, with Jamesy being the doting boyfriend who brings his Minister of Magic wife to all his quidditch games because he loves her very much.

.okay, I'm getting a tad carried away here oops.

I'll leave the last owed review (but be sure there will be many more to come on this story!!) when the next chapter is up lovie. I can't wait :))

xo

Author's Response: *Gasp* Your changing your ship?? How dare you!! Jk, I'm a Janey shipper as well ;) How do you come up with such good couple names? Tell me your secrets!!!

James is definitely the one who would loosen Laney up a bit and show her how to have fun. Ah gosh! That ending sounds perfect! Why oh why is my brain being so mean to Laney and thinking about not giving her that ending?? *cries* Sometimes even when I am the author, I still don't like the author. ;)

Seriously best reviews ever!! *hugs*

xoxo
Mary


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Review #14, by jessicalorewrites The Quidditch International Foundation

19th July 2014:
Hey! I'm here with your prizes for placing first in my challenge uwu

I didn't think I would, but I find that I'm actually enjoying these time jumps. It means I don't have to read through all the boring bits of them building their relationship up and can just read the action and interesting parts straight away :D

Small typo in Louis' lil airplane note: you put "I have a plane" not "I have a plan" -- at least, I think you did?

Ooooh, I sense upcoming tension between James/Louis. I understand Louis is the one trying to push Laney into dating James but I feel as if it may well backfire in the near future. I'm thinking LOVE TRIANGLE. Which, of course, I hate. But I love to hate them ;) they make everything far more interesting and angsty.

At first I thought that Louis had set something up so Laney/James would be fake dating (as in, James knew it wasn't for real) but judging by your A/N it isn't so I'm really rather curious to see how this plays out.

Also, just to offer some relief I hope, the idea of a Wizog for each county sounds pretty on point to me. I'm not entirely sure how British politics work but you can definitely take some liberties anyway. As far as I'm aware, there's a councillor that's elected for each county or city or something that sound pretty similiar to a senator/congressman :)

I'M SUPER SCARED TO READ ON BECAUSE THE NEXT ONE IS THE LAST ONE YOU HAVE UPDATED CURRENTLY AND I DON'T WANT THIS TO END.

Absolutely amazing chapter again. It's got me all excited about politics and girl power yeahh

xo

Author's Response: Yay! So glad you think that!! I was worried as a few people were saying how it seemed too rushed but those first couple chapters where really just introductions and I like throwing readers into the thick of things ;)

Who knows, maybe he does have a plane. PLOT TWIST! ;)

Yay! Who doesn't love a good love triangle?? *sings* complicaaattiooonnsss!

Thank you! No one has really commented on that so far so I'm glad it makes sense and isn't just the ramblings of a madwoman ;) Ah, yeah, not really up to date with my british politics. Us Americans stopped worrying about that a couple hundred years ago ;)

Hehe! I'm so glad you are liking them and two more are up now!! Thanks again for the lovely reviews!!

xoxo
Mary


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Review #15, by jessicalorewrites Whispers

19th July 2014:
Hey! I'm here with your prizes for placing first in my challenge uwu

So first off, I'm just wondering whether Laney is French? Her name doesn't suggest that she is, but she did go to Beauxbatons... hopefully find out more on her background soon :)

I'm really loving this recurring theme of politics. Even though Laney is no where near a high position she's considering all the things she'd need to should she climb the ranks right to the top of the Ministry. A sign of a good worker :p I really love the line you used for the chapter image!! I think it sums up what I know pretty well so far.

Damn... a little disappointed to see that the gender divide is just as strong in the wizarding world. Now I hope Laney suceeds in her career even more!! Show them men who's boss, Rosewood :p

EEEK Lanouis action (like the ship name? hehe) is abundant here -- and I love it!! It sounds like they're really atuned to each other and so I think they'd make a great couple. Though it seems to be only physical-based at the moment. Or will turn into something purely physical very soon.

Again, I'm left at the end of the chapter screaming for more. You're worse than Rick Riordan :p

Excellent job!!

xo

Author's Response: Yes, we get to meet the family in a couple more chapters after the currently published one (up to seven so far :P), but just to let you know as of right now (that is, as long as I don't change it latter) father is english, mother is french, and she got sent off to boarding school because her mother wanted her to go to her alma mater.

So glad people are liking the politics side and not just bored of it. I've never liked when authors just skip over all the other aspects of a character life just to show all the dates they go on and such. It just doesn't make it all that believable I don't think. Thanks! The lines I chose for those are usually my favorites so :)

Gosh I know. Stupid gender inequality! But I think that makes Laney want to become minister all the more as she isn't really a person that likes to be told what they can't do ;)

I love Lanouis!! (can I steal it??) Yes, they are verryy similar. And as to how far their relationship goes, I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out ;)

Hahaha!! Oh, gosh, that comparison has made me so happy! Take that Percy Jackson, you got nothin on Laney Rosewood!! ;)

xoxo
Mary


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Review #16, by jessicalorewrites Let's Make a Deal

19th July 2014:
Hey! I'm here with your prizes for placing first in my challenge uwu

The premise of this story really intrigued me and I've been meaning to sit down and read it for a while now. And, safe to say, it has, thus far, not disappointed!

Laney seems like a very lively person. I can practically hear her voice speaking to me through her narration of events. Usually OCs that are this full on irritate me a little but nope, not here! The fact she has to sing the alphabet song makes me love her even more, because I mean, who doesn't need to do that?!?!

I don't really understand how Mr Truman's features could be 'overzealous' since that means overly passionate, as far as I'm aware. Maybe I just don't know other meanings :p

Also, one line you might want to tweak is "I will get everyone computers and successfully into the twenty-first century." You're only missing a word or so out to make it coherent so don't worry :)

Overall I'm super intrugied by this story STILL!! I'm so eager to read the next chapter oh my god. I'm scared Louis is going to backhand her but at the same time I really don't want him to and ughhh I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS!!

Sorry, don't mind my incoherent rambles :p

Lovely chapter! A pleasure to read and review. Off to the next one as we speak.

xo

Author's Response: 'Ello there!

Yay! I'm glad you liked it!! Is it weird that I find it hard to write narrators that are not so full on? But I can totally understand where you are coming from, sometimes, it just doesn't work. But I think that Laney's drawbacks just add to her charm!! (It would be bad if they didn't as she isn't a very likable person if you think about it :P) Hehe, I know right! I've gone through years of schooling yet I still find myself singing the song periodically ;)

Yeeeaahh, maybe that wasn't the right choice. I think at the time I was kind of saying how even his features seemed to be trying so hard but I'll look back over that choice and see if I want to change it. Thanks for pointing that out! Some things just slip past the ol' noggin ;)

Yay! I'm so glad you liked it!! This review made me so happy, thanks so much for it!!

xoxo
Mary


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Review #17, by StarryKnights The First Date

18th July 2014:
I think James is a nice guy and Laney should give him a chance even though their relationship is doomed to fail because she is only using him for political gain. but great story so far! i got totally sucked in by the first chapter and I cant wait to find out what happens next

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review, it has made my day! :P I know, I like James too. LANEY WHY DON'T YOU LIKE JAMES?? Sorry, little mad at her right now. She has a mind of her own and won't let me make her like James right now *pouts* I guess you'll just have to wait and see if that changes ;) I'm so happy that you like it so much. Next chapter is in the queue XD

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Review #18, by MadiMalfoy Whispers

10th July 2014:
Hi! Here with your review from a few weeks ago! :)

Ah yes, Louis Weasley, lawyer extraordinare and hottie to boot. I enjoyed this chapter, as you were able to develop Laney and Louis as characters and in relation to each other as they worked together every day. It flows very well, especially through the scene changes from the office to the courtroom and then the time jump. I laughed at Mr. Garvey's character--such a typical politician!

The only CC I have for you is at the very end, the language gets sort of confusing less descriptive. I think if you use a term other than the big F it would still have enough surprise and shock factor but be a little more appropriate for the story. So far you haven't really used much vulgar language so that seems out of place. Other than that little thing though, this chapter was fabulous!

You can re-request at any time. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! Ah, yes, Louis. He sure is something isn't he? I'm glad you are liking the relationship between them, its good to know that they work together :P Haha! Yes, Mr. Garvey is definitely your stereotypical politician. Ok, I'll look back through the ending and see if I can make things more clear. And I understand what you are saying but I just like it because it is really the only word that describes that act taken with no emotion behind it whatsoever and that is what it was. It was *insert f word here*, not having sex. Sex implies more, or at least to me it does :P Thanks again!

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Review #19, by greenbirds Let's Make a Deal

28th June 2014:
hey! so im a politics student, and this automatically interested me- i've been meaning to read it for ages. it's a fantastic idea, and you're shaping up the plot nicely, especially regarding laney (which autocorrects to kanye on my phone) and
louis's relationship's dynamics.
however, a point of criticsm (sorry, how annoying am i?)- you've introduced 4 characters in the opening chapter, and honestly speaking, they prove quite flat and two dimensional. there's the hideous girl with the braces and acne and bad clothes who cant *possibly* compete with the protagonist's physical qualities; the perverted boss, who is, like the nerd girl mentioned, physically unattractive and so has no positive qualities to note (a dangerous correlation, especially when laney and louis are clearly beautiful and so are automatically allied together). this being said, it is the first chapter, and hopefully you'll defeat these stereotypes and cliches.
the narrative runs smoothly, if not slightly choppy, but that's just me being overly critical. looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yeah, the first chapter is a little... bad to say the least. It is more just there to get introductions under the way. The other chapters are (hopefully) better. I should probably show it better, but Laney is kind of an unreliable narrator. We see this world in her eyes where she is the best and no one else measures up to her. I think she would overstate some physical attributes just because her mind works that way. And she is going to seem pretty perfect to herself because that's how she views herself... But maybe I haven't really shown that enough *off to try some rewritting* Thanks for the CC though, I didn't really realize because as I am the author my mind fills in the wholes that the readers can't see. Hope you keep reading and like the other chapters more!

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Review #20, by luciusobsessed Let's Make a Deal

16th June 2014:
Wow this was so good! I like the people you chose in your banner ( Gossip Girl fan all the way) and I can picture them all in your story. I like how your character is set out to get what she wants and I like how she is a Beauxbaton. I've never read a Louis fic but I'm really excited to continue this one. Great job and great writing :))

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!! Ah, yes, gotta love Gossip Girl ;) Yes, Laney is quite the ambitious little girl. Thanks again!
Mary


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Review #21, by marauderfan The Quidditch International Foundation

11th June 2014:
Hiya :) came by to give your story some love since all I did earlier was mean word changing and crossing-out :p So this chapter! I really like the way you're continuing to develop Laney as a character. She's an incredibly judgemental person, given her feelings towards 'Granny clothes' and James and the two women she meets at the fundraiser, and she uses people as pawns, but I think underneath all her obvious flaws she really does want to do the right thing. It's funny, I'm not her biggest fan, I certainly wouldn't be friends with her, but I am supportive of her desire to become minister of magic and make some much needed change in the sexist government. You go girl! Go off and date James under false pretenses.. lol. So basically, well done on making me like such a dislikeable character!

I like the way you're going into the inner workings of the ministry, as well - the politics in this story are what make it shine. There isn't a whole lot about the Wizengamot in canon that I know of, so you have lots of room for creativity here, which so far is great. Nice job on this chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there my beautiful, wonderful, magnificent beta! You are literally my favorite person in the whole entire world ;)

Yay! Glad you liked it! I think you have pretty much described Laney's character to the point. You go glen coco! I tried to show it with things like her trying her best to get rid of discrimination (even though it is of her own ambition) and seeing past some of the frivolous things the wizarding world does. Yeah, Laney isn't the most likable character (if I met her in a dark alley and I had what she wanted I would be running away from her whist screaming at the top of my lungs), but at the same time, she is surrounded by people who may just be worse than her and you can't help but support her.

And what would this story be without the politics ;) I'm so tired of reading stories that skip over main parts in character's lives just so they can either get to the romance or whatever part is the main premise of the story. There are so much more to character's lives than just their relationships (for instance) so I knew I couldn't pass any of the political side up. Thanks again, lovely! Have fun on your travels and there will hopefully be at least two new chapters for you to go over when you get back ;)

xoxo
Mary


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Review #22, by Roisin The Quidditch International Foundation

11th June 2014:
Oh man, "love triangle" was indicated from the beginning, but Louis initiating it is just too good.

Honestly, the Slytherin side of my brain was all like, "date James Potter to win election girl, duh!!" before Louis introduced it.

Also, I loved that Laney didn't offer that "Jim" use her first name. Beautiful.

Man, I was very lucky to start reading this on update-day. Wooo!

xx
Roisin
("Year Five")

PS: remember to keep your canon straight for future chapters (you thus far haven't broken it). The head of the Wizengamot is called the "Chief Warlock," so that would be like the Speaker of the House. Dunno what a female chief is called. It is composed of around 50 members. The Minister for Magic, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, and Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement preside over the Wizengamot ex officio (like the Vice President over the Senate). According to canon, they oversee criminal investigations, but only in major cases is there a full @ssembly of all fifty members.

(silly bot thinks the correct spelling of "@ssembly" is naughty).

Author's Response: Yes, hopefully people will not be such strong Laney/Louis shippers after this. *crosses fingers* Snaps for you for figuring out the plan before it was laid out.

I quite liked that part myself ;)

Thanks for the review!
Mary

PS: Thank you so much!! I tried looking some of this up on the HP Wiki page but it was kind of very confusing so I will probably be looking back on this multiple times for a reference. *hugs*


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Review #23, by Roisin Let's Make a Deal

11th June 2014:
Wait--I thought I left a review for this chapter but now I don't see it!

ANYway, to summarize:

Parchment isn't lined! I like jokes like that.

And the alphabet song bit was brilliant--I literally(literally) could not help singing it in my head to figure out G vs I.

A very compelling chapter!

Laney clearly has a strong understanding of the muggle-world, is she muggle-born? I'd like that, because muggle-borns are usually flawless. It'd be refreshing to see one that was conniving and ambitious.

-Roisin
("Year Five")

Author's Response: Ah, yes, you just gotta love Laney's view on the Muggle world and its flaws ;)

I'm toying with it at the moment, but I think that in the end, she will be. It just fits better with the story and I like your point, that we haven't really seen an anti-hero muggle born.

Thanks for the review!
Mary


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Review #24, by Roisin Whispers

11th June 2014:
I like that Laney starts as an unlikable character in the first chapter. Readers usually identify with the narrator to begin with, and you jarred that nicely with Laney's cruelty to "Grandma Clothes."

Here, I'd say she gets even worse--illegally worse. The great thing, though, is that she clearly does possess a moral conscious, so I'm interested to see how she develops. It's tough to write an anti-hero, so good on you!

As for the chapter ending, phew! It was honestly uncomfortable to read, but I liked that. I like a [consensual] scene like that that makes the reader yell, "STOP, NO!" And that's hard to do.

And the curse in the last line was blunt as a punch (and I'm not upset by swearing). That was smart, because a detailed scene so early on, in such a context, would have been tacky (especially if it had been tender).

But Bill would have been a better parent! (whines the fan-girl) Why is Louis so morally bankrupt!?!

xxx
Roisin

Author's Response: Hiya! Thanks for the reviews!! *hugs*

Yes, Laney isn't exactly the most likable character so it was hard to write her as someone readers would like. It is so nice to know that I am not the only one that likes her ;) Yeah, she doesn't tend to mind straying from the moral path to get her where she wants (which make me kind of like her more, tbh haha).

Yay! You're the first person to tell me that they didn't like that scene. Everyone was telling me they were shipping them and I was like '... you really aren't supposed to ship them...' Yeah, that didn't turn out the way I hoped... oops. Yes, that scene was not supposed to be tender at all. They are using each other both for their careers and for more... *coughs* physical activites.

So this is my view on this Louis. (Sorry, this may get long) So, yes, Bill was a part of the Weasley's, but he was much older and therefore not as much in the spotlight as the other Weasley's who were much closer to HP. I think this would also make Bill's family less idolized as war heros (just because they are less well known). There is also the fact that Louis is the middle child (at least in my head canon). And you know the sterotypical overlooked middle child plus Bill's family being less well known would have made Louis strive to make a name for himself. I think this would have added to the fact that he would want to distance himself from his family and make (again) a name for himself because people would treat him differently once they heard his last name. So, there is the explanation of Louis :P

xoxo
Mary


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Review #25, by shewhomustnotbenamed_ The Quidditch International Foundation

11th June 2014:
I really like where this is going, I thinks it's going to be interesting between the three of them aha can't wait for the next chapter :))

Author's Response: *Gasp* I can't believe it's you!! I love all your stories and I can't believe you like mine!! Squeee!! Sorry, fangirl moment ;) Thank you so much for the review and it hopefully won't be long until the next chapter it out!

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