67 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Basilisk Let's Make a Deal

24th March 2015:
Hello, Mary! It'ss me, the Bassilisssk! Just sstopping by to get a nice change of pace, y'know? Better than staring at the dull Chamber walls, for sure.

I loved this chapter! Laney is really interesting so far - I can't wait to see where you're planning on taking her. I like that she's real. She has flaws, she has her selling points, and she feels like a person, which is absolutely great. I love it. And I'm already in love with Louis. If she doesn't want him I'll take him for sure! I have a thing for him, hmm... :P

I'm excited to read the rest of this story. There are so many things you've set up with this first chapter and it'll be loads of fun to watch it all pan out before me. (And probably go down in a flaming ball of angst, if I know anything, lol.)

(I've decided to post 44 reviews over the next little while. Each one of them has a character at the bottom. If you can find all 44 reviews (not all are out yet, so keep your eyes peeled) and rearrange the letters into a quote from Harry Potter and PM it to WriteYourHeartOut on the forums you could win a donation to HPFF in your name! There's a topic in the Off Topic Section if you want to collaborate your efforts!)

Thankss for the wonderful read, I'm sso glad I had the chance to read thiss, sso thanks again,
The Basilisk


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Review #2, by TidalDragon Celebratory Drinks

28th February 2015:
Here we are at the end (so far)!

I was getting a bit nervous when the drinks started flowing and then you cut to a scene with a rather gruff first line of dialogue from James. Thought some of those "skeletons" Laney mentioned might come pouring out with the booze. Alas, they waited until the next morning with the arrival of her positively delightful mother.

I won't rehash my distaste for the Louis angle at this point, but I am intrigued by this new development on the political side. Other than the election, that piece has become very scant so it's nice to see that it appears to be picking up again now (at least to an extent). I say that not just for my own interest, but also because I think that aspect is something that is a real strength in the potential of this story and that it would be great to have that arc develop further going forward. Just my two cents on that point.

Anyway, I'm very sorry that it's taken so incredibly long to get to this point and pay out my prize to you, but things got crazy and then every time I got my head back above water, leaving 10 reviews in a row seemed like a mountain that was impossible to climb.

Thanks so much for participating in my challenge, for your wonderful entry and ultimately, for your patience. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to read some more of your writing!

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Review #3, by TidalDragon Election Night

28th February 2015:
Well, well, congrats on trusted status (belated though it is)!

I'll confess that after the end of the previous chapter, and this one, I'm left with a lot of distaste in my mouth toward Laney. Not for her previously omnipresent arrogance. Not for her corruption and shady political dealings. But for her playing James. It happens, yes, that is life, yes, but I think my issue with her clinging to Louis at this point is that we haven't really seen a reason for her to do so. She's confessed last chapter that she loves him, but we haven't seen why. I think that's an issue for her development and consistency here.

Outside of that element, I think the chapter was positive though - you definitely captured the grandeur and hob-knobbing that are part and parcel of political events and all the good and bad feelings and memories they can bring.

Now I'm on to your most recent update - Chapter 10! What awaits, I wonder, on the next page? A time-jump? A blow-up? The groundwork for a disaster? I suppose I'll find out in a few short moments...

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Review #4, by TidalDragon The Breakdown of Walls

28th February 2015:
Hello again!

I'll start by saying that I think some of the best writing you've done in this story came in this chapter. You just did a particularly strong job of choosing the right words and crafting the descriptions to make me FEEL more of what Laney is experiencing thoughout. Until the very end of this chapter you almost had me feeling a bit sorry for her. I liked the glimpse into who she is and how she became so (mostly) hard.

But then we came back around to the end and she's revealing that she still intends on carrying on with things for the pure manipulation of it. That's real and authentic for her in the moment I think (even if it doesn't end up happening in the end), but it still destroys any pity I have for it. Liars and cheats are the worst. THE WORST.

The only scene that I thought could have gone a bit better was the introduction of everyone at the Potter household. Going through everyone almost immediately just felt a tad forced rather than organic. I think the awkwardness and order was certainly authentic though, so if you were prioritizing that over prose, I can't say I blame you entirely.

See you in Chapter 9!

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Review #5, by TidalDragon A Couple of Firsts

28th February 2015:
As you may have guessed - I'm always up for more politics. I'm certainly intrigued by Louis and his machinations behind the scenes with Peters. Is he merely covering himself in case Laney loses or is it something more? He SEEMS to have had no qualms about casting her aside for "Karmen" though I also wonder if that was out of concern that she was actually showing signs of interest in James. I'd like to believe he's not THAT bad, but you know, there are bad cookies out there.

The biggest highlight of this chapter though was that we got even more of a glimpse into Laney's latent vulnerability. Even the toughest, most calculating folks have these moments and I thought it was entirely appropriate and well-handled for her here. Though it didn't make her look good AT ALL, a close second was the calculating way she decided to sleep with James. Revenge sex? Not a good look at all. Hope he doesn't find out - for either of their sakes.

See you in Chapter 8!

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Review #6, by TidalDragon A Boyfriend and Something Else

28th February 2015:
Well, James has my vote. That's probably because he's more like me, but I'll say that Louis, even if his words were driven by passion, seems more the controlling-type which would be a deal-breaker for a person who wants to be Minister I should think.

To follow on from that point though, I think another part of why people may side with James is that we've simply seen a lot more of the traditional aspects of a relationship between he and Laney. If the drama surrounding the three of them is going to be central (as the summary implies) I'd be careful about skipping over too much of the relationship between Louis and Laney in the beginning as it can skew people's views. I suppose it's also appropriate to add too though that I believe you've done a good job so far handling Laney's persona and motives and tucking in bits of her actual feelings in the dates with James. The characterizations have been well-done for both of them so far.

Including the old retired pol was a good touch too. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time until Laney wins at this point (unless you're going to throw her a big-time setback unexpectedly).

Moving forward - ever forward!

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Review #7, by TidalDragon All Hope is not Lost

28th February 2015:
Poor Jane! She seems like she's in for a rough life if she's destined to stick with Laney - though maybe that questioning look will turn into a popping-off one day and she'll find some stones. Only time will tell...

I did enjoy the way the lobbying component and cynical commentary on the tit-for-tat voting works too. I can't help but wonder if there's more to Broomwicks than seems to meet the eye though with all their intel and clandestine sort of behavior. Though they'd obviously be influential, it would seem that broom handles can't possibly be all they do to be THIS influential. The banter in the letters was also a plus.

One thing that rang a bit off for me was the article in the Prophet about James and Laney. For me, Laney's criticisms seem much more valid given the publication at issue because for all its failings, you would think that the Prophet would properly cover a celebrity athlete and a politician (and would certainly identify her title and election status).

Oh well, surging forward to Chapter 6!

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Review #8, by TidalDragon The First Date

28th February 2015:
Aha! An intriguing interlude! Even if we still got Laney's running commentary on everything, this definitely put her out of her normal environs and if I'm not mistaken, she'll admit later that she actually quite enjoyed herself on this date with James.

James, for his part, seems like a nice guy. You're developing him as Laney's antithesis pretty nicely thus far (if that's indeed his purpose) - she's focused, he's laid back, she's two-faced, he's earnest - and so on and so forth. I'm interested to see how the dynamic works going forward.

As far as CC for this chapter, I might consider incorporating some stronger, more evocative language to make some of Laney's descriptions pop more than others as the story goes forward. If nothing else, this might be appropriate to helping distinguish the intensity with which she feels (or hopes someone thinks she feels) something (honestly or dishonestly as the case may be).

Now for Chapter 5!

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Review #9, by TidalDragon The Quidditch International Foundation

28th February 2015:
Hello hello. Remy the lobbyist? A nod to House of Cards perhaps?

Though there was again a sizable time jump and what seems to be quite an early entrance to the Wizengamot for Laney, it was interesting to see things NOT going her way for once. We saw a little bit more vulnerability from her when her thoughts wandered after the confrontation with Peters and the moments with Louis this time around.

To answer your question from the A/N, I definitely think Laney is doing the wrong thing with James. She's doing the wrong thing personally and politically in my mind because if it ever got out that she had simply used him - if I know Ginny, Laney's going to wind up buried. Unless of course James has schemes of his own (which is quite possible, especially in a story like this).

One thing that I think could be a useful tweak here and there would be to include some additional body language in the story. A lot of what we're getting right now in terms of the dichotomy between Laney's spoken words/actions and her actual feelings is in direct juxtaposition of dialogue and inner thought. Sometimes it can be helpful to make this less explicit as it give the character a little more mystery and makes the reader wonder - does she really believe that or is it for show, with more subtle clues to guide them.

Just a thought. Onward and upward to Chapter 4!

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Review #10, by TidalDragon Whispers

28th February 2015:
Hello again!

Well, Laney and Louis are just delightfully duplicitous aren't they? But that IS politics. So you've made a fair point.

In this chapter the two things that jumped out at me on the positive side were: (1) your clarity of vision and (2) your honesty. You have a clear hierarchy that you want your characters to fit in and move up through within a gargantuan entity like the Ministry and have obviously sketched out well how they're going to inter-relate. You also, at the start in particular, noted the down-side of the method of moving up that Laney has chosen (essentially using sex as a weapon).

On the flip-side, I thought that things moved incredibly quickly here. I understand you don't want to get mired in the day-to-day boredom of the lower-level positions, but that also doesn't give us as much time to get to know the characters, and unless the hierarchy you've established as some point is made explicit, it's undermined slightly by the pace because two (with a third in the offing?) promotions in this short time-span seems a tad unrealistic without that background information.

On the more minor side, I've noticed that at the start of chapters, you tend to have some repetitive language, and there was an element of internal inconsistency here - not paying attention to the case proceedings, but taking the trouble to read legislation that individuals have proposed. Both seem (politically) to be useful to be privy to and something that Laney would pay attention to for intel if nothing else.

All in all I'm still quite intrigued though - see you for Chapter 3.

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Review #11, by TidalDragon Let's Make a Deal

28th February 2015:
Howdy Mary! I bet you thought, after all this time, that I had forgotten about the reviews I owed you - but NOT SO. I suppose it's a stroke of good luck that this story has 10 chapters now so I can read right through to the end and deliver all the reviews I owe you!

To start off with, I think this is going to be an interesting story for me. Though I'm far too blunt and disdainful of the public niceties demanded, I used to have political ambitions and I'm still very interested in politics. Usually you don't get to see how people started on the literal bottom of the totem pole though in such sagas, so this should be a nice departure.

When it comes to characterizations, I think I'll need a little more time to get a feel for Louis - though I'm wondering about his sorting already - was he a Slytherin? As far as Laney, you've already set about establishing the kind of person she is - not-so-likable so far - but I can easily understand her and why she behaves the way she does. I'm looking forward to the increased complexity that will ensue when she starts interacting with other people and how she manages to maintain a consistent voice despite the necessary differences in her public persona.

See you in the next chapter!

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Review #12, by R o s m e r t a Celebratory Drinks

27th February 2015:
Honeyyy you DO love me! :) And I'm really happy this update came so quickly!

I cannot overemphasize how freaking adorable James and Laney (Janey?) are throughout this and every other chapter. Plus Laney's dress trick = bomb. Why don't we have magic?

I legit LOL'd at Killian wanting Laney to leave behind the significantly less attractive person. I love him and Charlotte and I want to see more of them! Pretty please? I think Laney needs a good girl friend and Charlotte is perfect for the job...though I kind of feel like the pair of them may be capable of some real trouble-making with their drinking and whatnot.

Ooh, the first real glimpse of Laney's formidable mother! The way you portrayed her was completely perfect--exactly what I expected from the build-up you've been giving her parents. Does she realize that James is actually James POTTER, or does she just think Quidditch players are just so completely useless that she doesn't care about the high-profile boyf? Anyway, I'm completely intrigued by her and can't wait to see what happens at the upcoming shindig.

UGH WHY LOUIS WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!? You already know how I feel about this little union so I will attempt to refrain from further comment. He'd better REALLY be jealous though.

Political intrigue as well...I can't wait to see what comes next.

You're amazing! Update soon! Love youuu Xo B

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Review #13, by z Celebratory Drinks

23rd February 2015:
I really love this story. And although ur girl Laney occasionally gives of bitch vibes ... I like those bitchy vibes! I hope U finish the story, its a shame for such a great story to remain unfinished so Update!!!

Also , will there be a meeting between Hermione and Laney?

Great story again!

Update update update

Author's Response: Haha! That Laney does, though I guess that just comes with her personality and her thoughts on how the world should work :P Can't say I don't mind them myself ;) Don't worry! I've already got an idea for at least the next two chapters and I am definitely planning on finishing this story!

Possibly but I'm not giving anything away ;)

Thanks for the lovely review!!

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Review #14, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Whispers

22nd February 2015:
before I turn to back my task.

Should be: before I turn back to my task

And anyway, who cares if people think I slept with Louis to get this job? All that matters is what I know, and that is that I havenít slept with Louis.

Yeah, but will she? I mean it doesnít seem like she has a problem with sleeping with Louis. I kind of question her morals and goals and how she wants to get there.

Your job is to have drinks with whomever thinks the trust should be broken up and

Sheís basically his little Ďsexyí kitten. I canít say exactly what I want to say with 12+ rules and all. Haha. But sheís just there to charm people and use her good looks for Louis so they can get more opportunities and swindle their way to the top.

Man, two chapters in and I already canít wait for their downfall.

He then turn to me

Should be: turns

He leans back, gives me a look that can only be categorized as pure lust, before slamming his lips own my own.

Bingo. Knew it.

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Review #15, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Let's Make a Deal

22nd February 2015:
Sorting papers is the bane of my existence.

Mine too.

I eye her up and down, and hate her on sight; she has no class at all.

I really like your writing style but man Laney is hard to like. She seems rude right off the bat. This girl could be the next big thing and here she is being nasty to her because of the way she looks. Laney is one of those people I wouldnít like in real life.

There is a reason why I am dressed in a tight pencil skirt and a button-down shirt that is buttoned as low as possible while still being appropriate in a workplace. There is a reason why I am wearing stilettos instead of those god-awful but comfortable chunky low-heeled shoes so many women in my line of work wear.

So she wants to climb to the top without doing the actual work? She may be pretty but to work in politics and throw yourself around like thatÖcome on, girl is going to have so many scandals to deal with.

ďThe name Weasley can get you many things,Ē he replies, not as snootily as someone who has the power to reserve seats at a popular bar would usually be, but still a little too proud for my liking.

Really Laney because the two of you seem to be the same person. I donít trust Louis for a second but I donít trust her either. Sheís going to regret this. He will turn on her faster than you can say pumpkin pasty.

Itíll be interesting to see how their relationship proceeds. Itís sure to be filled with plenty of lies between the two. I wonder what will happen next.

I was intrigued by your summary and this first chapter pulled me in completely. Plus, I like your sharp writing style. Letís see how Laney becomes the MOM or not.

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Review #16, by happyanon Whispers

22nd February 2015:
Ambition. God bless the woman with ambition. I like this story alot. for now, I'd stop there. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I myself do quite admire Laney's ambition so I am very glad I am not alone in my thoughts :P Hope you do keep reading! I promise that she will keep her ambition throughout the books, though it will lead to some complication ;)

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Review #17, by evaleant Election Night

12th February 2015:
Omg I just discovered this story and read through the entire thing in, like, an hour! I am completely caught up in this whole love triangle (but less cliche because of the characters involved) and logically, I should hate Louis for being such a corrupt jerk (well Laney is too sometimes -- I guess it is part of the job description...) But I do feel some amount of pity for him. And I just don't know because Louis seems to care at least a little about Laney's wellbeing. James is such a good person though.

I am so relieved that Laney won! Though it's really sad in some parts how she feels she has to vote according to how the public feels rather than what she knows is right, I'm still hoping that will change once she reaches a higher and more influential position.

Also, please try not to turn this fic into something completely about romance and relationship angst because this is a really great fic right now and I don't want that to change!

Author's Response: This is literally one of the best reviews I have had in a while!! *hugs* I am so glad you liked it!! Yeah, the whole love triangle is a cliché but there is something about these characters that makes it different enough to keep it interesting :P Don't worry, the mixed feelings for Louis is mutual ;)

Well that's the only way she feels like she can win though she herself is saddened by the fact as well. I think she is too looking forward to the day when she has enough power to make decisions on her own. But, she has to learn the line between being a representative of her people and making something worthwhile of her power, which I think she will probably struggle with at some point.

Oh god no! Wouldn't even dream of it! :P Trust me, though there will be romance and some drama in that department (though what else can be expected with a love triangle like this ;)) her job will always be there along with the person she is and the person she is striving to become.

The next chapter is up and I hope you like it!
xoxo Mary

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Review #18, by R o s m e r t a Election Night

6th February 2015:
UGH FRACKING LOUIS! Laney HAS to stop making excuses for him in her head and letting him get away with this BS!!! She's acting so desperate when she could be so much better (not that I don't totally get it!). I will be VERY upset with her (and you!) if she actually goes through with their whole "Monday" plan! You've been warned...and that's all I'm going to say about that! Oh wait--except I got really anxious when James approached her after...like part of me wants him to figure it out but the rest of me doesn't want him to get hurt...BAH!

The interaction with Laney/James/Ginny is so freaking adorable I can't stand it. I love that Laney is getting comfortable with Ginny and can see her as a sort of mother figure--she obviously needs someone like that in her life! The whole thing about her own parents...ugh THE FEELS! Poor Laney! That makes her success that much more bittersweet--I'm hoping somewhere along the line her parents realize how terrible they've been OR Laney realizes she doesn't need their validation to just be her fabulous self!

Speaking of feels: I CANNOT deal with James and Laney's cuteness! And yet again, the dirtiness is the way to my heart...Oh and BTW, I love the random appearance of Mrs. Blakeslee...I wouldn't mind a few other blasts from Laney's past, either...

WOOHOO I am so glad Laney won!!! I really hope she doesn't let Remy and those old dudes try to boss her around too much! She's too strong for that, even if she doesn't really understand that yet...especially in the context of her career.

And bah I somehow completely forgot to tell you in my PM how FREAKING AMAZING it is that you're now a trusted author! Congrats, my love!!! I'm so jealous. Now maybe those updates will come a bit faster, eh??? (Hint, hint!)

Love the story, love YOU! Xo B

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Review #19, by R o s m e r t a The Breakdown of Walls

6th February 2015:
Ok, this chapter is perfection! I'm still realy mad at Louis so I'm glad he doesn't make an appearance. Have I mentioned how absolutely adorable James is??? I want him to be MY boyfriend (slash husband-type dude)! That sudden moment of panic for Laney when she realized what she was wearing when she was going to meet James's family made me giggle. Maybe she actually cares more than she thinks about this whole situation, hmmm???

Also loved the whole family dynamic at the Potter residence--Harry, Ginny, Lily, Albus, and even Amelia are all perfect! I like that Lily has a potions shop, too. And you already know how I feel about the dirtiness (or lack thereof?) at the dinner table...

I really think the second half of this chapter is my favorite of everything you've written in this story so far! I love seeing the vulnerable side of Laney and I'm so glad we got some insight as to her past and why she is the way that she is. The flashback scene--and especially the end part with her father and the things he says to her--is so powerful. And I adore the fact that at the end, she snapped right back to herself. She's flawed for sure, but she's such a strong character and I can't wait to see where she ends up! Oh, and as crafty and conniving as she is, she still doesn't want to hurt James...I love that she secretly loves him!

On to the next one! Xo B

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Review #20, by Crumple-Horned Snorkack The Breakdown of Walls

10th January 2015:
I have come out of hiding in the wilds for a short time, for truth be told, the Crumple-Horned Snorkack is fond of political dramas.

I love the way James' family totally welcomes Laney and are so kind to her. I especially like that Lily and Laney can relate, both having had bad press in the past. And it's always a good sign when you get on well with your significant other's siblings.

For the record, I am so on the James/Laney ship. Louis is a jerk.

Ah, the return of Laney's conscience. I knew she had one- and seeing how many people her deception is affecting is really getting to her. I, on the other hand, do not have a conscience and do not feel badly about deceiving the world about my existence: we Crumple-Horned Snorkacks like to stay hidden and mysterious.

That flashback explains a lot about Laney - why she is the way she is, and why she reacted so strongly to meeting James' family. Poor thing. I must admit I was disappointed in the end at her decision to lock her feelings and conscience up again and keep going no matter who she has to hurt in the process. But she is such a fascinating character for that reason.

This has been a lovely reading session, thank you. And now I'm off to meet up with the Loch Ness Monster for tea! Toodles.

Author's Response: I just have to start out by saying this review literally made my day so thank you so much! *hugs* Did you really read my whole story because if you did that means so much to me!

I am glad the Crumple-Hrones Snorkack likes political dramas. It is something we have in common. Maybe we should date ;)

I always like to think that the Potters would be very open to outsiders, especially those their children are dating pretty seriously. I liked having Laney be able to see what a real family was like and I can totally see Lily and Laney becoming fast friends :P

Haha! Me too, Crumple-Horned Snorkack :P Alas, Laney does not seem be of the same mind set as I, though I have told her multiple times that, as her author, I get final decision, she still refuses to bend on that issue. Politicians, stubborn as a donkey I tell you!

Yes, it was hiding in there. Pretty deep down in some dark crevice, but it was still there, on the edges, always lurking :P Laney sure is tough but deception on such a big scale, even to the meanest of people, can take a toll. Yes, I have heard that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks do like to deceive the world about their existence, but I have never doubted your reality for a minute. Such a majestic creature had to be real and here you are now! At least my years spent pouring over books written by famed wizarding naturalists have not gone to waste!

Yay! I'm glad you liked the flashback! I was a little worried that it wouldn't go over well just as she was such a different person back then I worried people wouldn't think it was believable so yay! Yeahhh, her family is pretty messed up. All I can say is I am glad I am not a part of her family. Yeah, her decision to bottle it all up probably wasn't the best idea but that was the only way she could see ever getting the love she craved so badly from her parents, by practically becoming one of them. But I'm glad you find her interesting for it! Not one to usually toot my own horn but I am one the same page as you, sista! Brothera? It? Alas, I can not infer your gender from your review so I am going to settle with Happy Medium (Ever seen the movie A Wrinkle in Time? Yes I know there was a book but the Happy Medium in the movie was truly scarring. A man dressed in make-up, women's clothes, with a extremely false high falsetto voice *cringes* Truly terrifying for a young ten year old.)

Thank you again for this wonderful review and for making my day!! Say hi to Nessie for me! See ya later aligator! *waves*

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Review #21, by Loop The Breakdown of Walls

1st January 2015:

I really like where this story is heading!

Please update soon!!!

Author's Response: Thank you, you lovely person!! You have no idea how much this review means to me!! I'm glad you are liking it! Next chapter is almost done and should be up soon!!

xoxo Mary

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Review #22, by Veritaserum27 The Quidditch International Foundation

27th September 2014:

I'm here from the Ravenclaw common room for the Story Search Round 1!

I'm so glad to get caught up on this story. What?! A whole year has gone by? Oh my goodness. I love Laney. I love that she's ambitious and smart and quick-witted. It's so refreshing to see a female character portrayed as not helpless or clueless or hopelessly in love with the male lead. Although Louis is yummy, she still has her eyes on the prize: winning the election.

Jim seems to be a complete dolt. I mean, talk about your insecure dominant male... I hope that even if she doesn't win, she still manages to take him down a peg or two. You've done a great job setting up this story - I'm really impressed. You've got great characters, an awesome plot and you've managed to weave in a lot of politics without making it confusing. Nice job!

Laney also isn't without her own set of faults. Talk about being prejudiced against Quidditch players! Geez! Give James a bit of a chance, will you? He was completely kind and thoughtful - and not brain-dead! Sorry - I don't mean to yell at your characters.

Love the story so far!

♥ Beth

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Review #23, by maraudertimes Let's Make a Deal

19th September 2014:
Hiya! Here for the challenge reviews!

Ohmigoodnes, I read your A.N. and I was like "Oh this better continue on" and then I saw it had seven chapters and I was good. Honestly though, I really liked this for some reason.

I say for some reason because Laney *is* kind of... rude... mean... judgemental... and basically the epitome of people I dislike and Louis is... proud... calculating... uses his name for perks... and basically the epitome of guys I steer clear from. But together? I am so excited to see how they interact, for goodness sake, their chemistry already is amazing!

I like the way you've set the scene, especially with Laney from France, although maybe this is just me, but I would've expected an accent or a reason as to why she doesn't have one. However, I'm going to assume that because of her English last name and the fact that many people know her father, she was shipped off for school. I would like to know why but that's just me. :)

Ugh her icky boss is icky. And I love the independent 'I'm going to do my own thing to get what I need' attitude Laney has in exploiting her boss's ickyness. And it's awesome that Louis noticed it. Shows they have a bit in common.

I'm excited to see where this story goes and I absolutely love the chapter image/banner and basically everything. It's really well set up. Great job!

Lo :)

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Review #24, by BellaLestrange87 Let's Make a Deal

6th September 2014:
This is for the Blue vs. Bronze review battle!

I really liked this first chapter. The humour in the opening two paragraphs made me want to keep reading (and wonder why wizards can't give their parchment lines). Your main character is interesting, and I love the sarcasm in her thoughts.

The ending of this chapter - "and I feel like I just made a deal with the devil" - makes me wonder if something about Laney's deal with Louis is going to go wrong.

Spelling and grammar-wise, I didn't see any errors, which is good.

The only bit of CC I have is that the other assistant has braces. As far as I know a wizard could just use a spell to fix errant teeth (and I believe Madam Pomfrey did so in Book 4). That is only a very, very little thing, though, and it doesn't detract from this excellent chapter.


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Review #25, by R o s m e r t a A Couple of Firsts

4th September 2014:
I have so many feelings right now, but since you're glaring at me and making me all anxious I'll start with your questions. I. HATE. LOUIS. after this chapter! I want to say terrible things about him that are so not appropriate in this review. He is such a dude and I wish I could punch him in the face (basically because he's way too similar to too many guys I know - poor Laney!). I am Team James all the way but I just know Laney's going to break his little heart! She is ruthless and I love her because she reminds me of Blair Waldorf (who I like to believe is my namesake because I am that amazing). I kind of want Louis to turn out to be her Chuck Bass, though...maybe...bah okay I don't know what I want! I like the political aspect because it shows how power-hungry and driven she is which sets the tone for the whole James vs. Louis thing...does that make sense? It does in my head at least, which is obviously what's important. Anyway, you've done an awesome job making Laney seem like a total jerk but also completely relatable/someone to root for and I love that! I can't wait to see where you take this story so I'm going to harass you despite your genius classes and college apps (which are the literal worst, but at least you don't need to worry about your essay writing since you're clearly killin it! :)). UPDATE NOW! Please? K thx bye xoxo Blair

Author's Response: HOONNNEEEYYY!! I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH! When you said you read some of my stuff, I thought you meant that you read one of my stories, not both!! Eeee! You have made me so happy right now! ^.^ Yay! First person to answer my question!! *cheers and hands cookies* Ugh, gosh, I know right?! Even I'm starting to hate him in this chapter (but don't tell him as all of my characters are like my children, I have to love them all :P). Hehe I feel ya, hun. He is such a d-word along with other words that are very much not 15+ haha. Yes, he was modeled a bit around this guy I know so I feel ya pain gurl! Gosh, I know! I don't think James could take being told that she is dating him to use his fame. BLAIR WALDORF IS A GOD. Sorry, just had to put that out there. (Why does GG have to be over?? *cries*) Yes, I know what you mean but at the same time, though I liked Chuck and Blair, I was always a Blair and Dan fan ;) Yes, it may be strange but all these ramblings make sense to me!! (Maybe it's just because I'm a lot like that too though...) Yay! I'm so glad you are liking her. I worry about that sometimes as she could be a easy character to hate. Squeee! Literally you have made my day.
Mary xoxo
P.S. Are you on the forums?? Get on them!! That way you can PM me and we can talk and you will love the forums and just get on them!!!

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