76 Reviews Found

Review #1, by gryffindorlion15 Civil Disobedience

16th September 2015:
love this story! I can't wait to see who Laney chooses and her race to becoming the first ever female minister of magic! x

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Review #2, by Queen of Nerds Civil Disobedience

14th September 2015:
This story is really cool and I love all the thought you'e put into the political system!
If you don't mind a little constructive criticism, I would suggest using more (really as many as possible) contractions in your dialogue. It flows a little better that way.
But otherwise, great story!

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Review #3, by cocopops Civil Disobedience

13th September 2015:
I like the way you made Laney different in this chapter. I mean since the question of equal rights and all I quite liked the fact that she had a more conservative way of looking at it. It makes her character more interesting. And I liked it even more when she clearly showed that she is capable of emotions and maybe even seeing that her way of seeing things isn't always the right way.

Sorry for the long review... Thanks for updating!

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Review #4, by cocopops Celebratory Drinks

17th August 2015:
Olease update soon! Love the story

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Review #5, by Endless_Forms Celebratory Drinks

10th June 2015:
I like this a lot! I haven't seen many political fics on here so finding this one is great! Can't wait to see what's in store for Laney!

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Review #6, by looneylizzie Let's Make a Deal

1st June 2015:
Weeel hello Mary!

So, LastMinuteLuna read this story recently, and she basically told me I'd better read it or I'd regret it. (FYI, this is me reacting to things as I read it, not after)

HA! The fact that the wizarding world doesnít have computers is because magic messes with themÖbut sheís got a good point. It doesnít mean that itís impossible to magic-ize Muggle electronics! :D

ďAre we not supposed to be the superior race?Ē

^Uh, thatís kinda Voldemort-y right there. Dangerous stuff, thinking youíre better than someone elseÖitís never good!

Iím actually not sure how to take that - since it doesnít exactly make me love her, but then again, she DOES want to be a politicianÖ Then again, Iím two paragraphs in. I should really stop. (Oh, and this isnít a criticism of YOU actually using that phrase, itís more of an assumption Iím making about the character BASED on that phrase. If that makes any sense.)

Although, Iím totally pro-giving everyone computers!

Hehehehe, Granger-Weasley. OF COURSE sheíd hyphenate.

Dude, flirting? Already? I guess if heís REALLY cuteÖ

OH! BURN! Totally shot down! OUCH!

Mousy brown hair girl is totally gonna end up being her best friend or something. Right? Right? :D

Oh sweet Merlin. Thatís straight up disgusting!! Mr. Truman, you are sick. Sick sick sick!! Ew!


Wow. Politics. Itís disgusting. I donít think Iíll ever be able to think of it the same way again.

She went Beauxbatons? I didnít expect that. Thatís cool! Iíve never seen a story written from an OC that went to Beauxbatons. Very cool! I hope there are some little tidbits about what it was like!

Lacey's right. He's a complete pig. And is creepy.

Hahaha! Itís Louis! I like that youíve got him here. Iíd imagine heís a supposedly ďstand-upĒ guy to the "outside world", by being in politics and all, but obviously heís got this conniving and power-hungry side to him. Very interestingÖ

Thereís got to be a motive behind drinks.

Wow, thatís quite the job offer. But at least she wonít have to deal with leering old men. *shudders*

"The better question is: can I do this deal and end up on top, not the one screwed over?"

^^My response to this is not appropriate for the 12+ rule for reviewsÖ but you must know that there is one. And itís rather funny. *waggles eyebrows*

Laney, of course youíre making a deal with the devil! Heís Louis Weasley!! (Well, I donít actually know what that has to do with it, but itís politics, and Weasleyís are competitive. Heís DEFINITELY going to...mess with you) - Also, I'm totally thinking of Supernatural because of this. Thanks.

Okay, Iím totally loving this chapter, and the whole premise! Iím not a big fan of politics, but I think itíll definitely be interesting to see what sort of political issues youíre going to bring up here. (Not that Iím expecting you to go in-depth, but I do hope you choose to bring up some political issues in the wizarding world. Itíll be interesting to see what comes up, and what she and Louis use to their advantageÖ)

Oooh! This is exciting!! Iíll definitely be back to read more soon! (But Iíve got to be off, children are screaming at me.)

Keep writing! This is looking really good!

P.S. Sorry for my complete and utter random babble...I'm running on very little sleep and so it tends to mess with my ability to say normal things. :D

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Review #7, by LastMinuteLuna The Quidditch International Foundation

1st June 2015:
Hello once more!

You should know by now, but in case you've forgotten, I'm LastMinuteLuna and I'm here to leave you some reviews for The Pass It Along Challenge!

So Laney has continued her rise through the ranks. It looks like she's shaping up to be a very good politician indeed! I can't believe how quickly she's moving. It's a bit interesting to see her a behind in this chapter though because everything usually seems to come to her with ease.

As soon as Louis said he had a trick up his sleeve, I began to worry. He seems to find it perfectly acceptable to have her seducing people to get ahead in life, so I figured that was kind of what he had in mind.

It was a bit of a shock to find that James Potter was the plan for making Laney more popular, but I suppose it makes sense. I mean James is an international Quidditch star after all.

It will be interesting to see how this potential love triangle ends up working out. I mean Laney can't cut ties with Louis because he has the upper hand on her and could ruin her career, but I get the feeling she's going to fall for James and it's going to make things complicated. I hope she knows what she's doing.

Another wonderful chapter! I hope to be back soon to read the rest!


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Review #8, by LastMinuteLuna Whispers

1st June 2015:
Hello! Hello!

It's me LastMinuteLuna back to leave you another review!

Wow! I hadn't expected Laney to rise so quickly. I figured she'd have to slum it as Louis' assistant for more than just a couple of months, but I guess the two of them really do make an excellent team since they're both rocketing to high ranking positions.

I enjoyed the little glimpse into court and how these greasy backhanded deals are made. The sad thing about it is how much this really mirrors politics in a lot of major countries. It isn't always whats best for the people, but more about what's more popular or what will get you re-elected. I could get on a huge tangent about this particular topic, but I'll spare you for now.

The last scene was a bit of a surprise for me. I know there was a lot of tension between Laney and Louis, but I had kind of hoped she would refrain from having a relationship with him. I feel like sleeping with co-workers is always a bad idea, particularly when one is the boss of the other. I have a feeling that this could bite Laney in the butt later on.

This was another excellent chapter! I can't wait to see what's next!


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Review #9, by LastMinuteLuna Let's Make a Deal

1st June 2015:
Hello my dear!

I'm LastMinuteLuna, back to leave you a few more reviews! I'm so sorry that I'm late and I hope you'll forgive me for it.

Let me just outright tell you that I love this chapter and the idea for this story. Politics is a really interesting subject for me and I think you've set this up excellently.

Immediately, I had a very clear idea of the type of girl Laney was and what she was willing to do to achieve her goals. She seems quite cutthroat, but that's a quality that I think one must have to make it in the political world.

Your characterization of Louis was unusual. Firstly, I've never actually seen a fic where he played a larger role. Usually, he's sort of shuffled off to the side, so that was a nice change. And then, usually he seems to be portrayed as kind of quiet, shy, or occasionally immature. Your version of him is far more intriguing. I could definitely imagine this strapping young man making his way through the political rungs.

In the technical sense, your writing is very good. The tone of the story really matches the main character and the plot. It flows at just the right pace and has really got me wondering what is going to happen next! I can't wait to get to the next chapter!


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Review #10, by The Basilisk Let's Make a Deal

24th March 2015:
Hello, Mary! It'ss me, the Bassilisssk! Just sstopping by to get a nice change of pace, y'know? Better than staring at the dull Chamber walls, for sure.

I loved this chapter! Laney is really interesting so far - I can't wait to see where you're planning on taking her. I like that she's real. She has flaws, she has her selling points, and she feels like a person, which is absolutely great. I love it. And I'm already in love with Louis. If she doesn't want him I'll take him for sure! I have a thing for him, hmm... :P

I'm excited to read the rest of this story. There are so many things you've set up with this first chapter and it'll be loads of fun to watch it all pan out before me. (And probably go down in a flaming ball of angst, if I know anything, lol.)

(I've decided to post 44 reviews over the next little while. Each one of them has a character at the bottom. If you can find all 44 reviews (not all are out yet, so keep your eyes peeled) and rearrange the letters into a quote from Harry Potter and PM it to WriteYourHeartOut on the forums you could win a donation to HPFF in your name! There's a topic in the Off Topic Section if you want to collaborate your efforts!)

Thankss for the wonderful read, I'm sso glad I had the chance to read thiss, sso thanks again,
The Basilisk


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Review #11, by TidalDragon Celebratory Drinks

28th February 2015:
Here we are at the end (so far)!

I was getting a bit nervous when the drinks started flowing and then you cut to a scene with a rather gruff first line of dialogue from James. Thought some of those "skeletons" Laney mentioned might come pouring out with the booze. Alas, they waited until the next morning with the arrival of her positively delightful mother.

I won't rehash my distaste for the Louis angle at this point, but I am intrigued by this new development on the political side. Other than the election, that piece has become very scant so it's nice to see that it appears to be picking up again now (at least to an extent). I say that not just for my own interest, but also because I think that aspect is something that is a real strength in the potential of this story and that it would be great to have that arc develop further going forward. Just my two cents on that point.

Anyway, I'm very sorry that it's taken so incredibly long to get to this point and pay out my prize to you, but things got crazy and then every time I got my head back above water, leaving 10 reviews in a row seemed like a mountain that was impossible to climb.

Thanks so much for participating in my challenge, for your wonderful entry and ultimately, for your patience. I'm glad to have had the opportunity to read some more of your writing!

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Review #12, by TidalDragon Election Night

28th February 2015:
Well, well, congrats on trusted status (belated though it is)!

I'll confess that after the end of the previous chapter, and this one, I'm left with a lot of distaste in my mouth toward Laney. Not for her previously omnipresent arrogance. Not for her corruption and shady political dealings. But for her playing James. It happens, yes, that is life, yes, but I think my issue with her clinging to Louis at this point is that we haven't really seen a reason for her to do so. She's confessed last chapter that she loves him, but we haven't seen why. I think that's an issue for her development and consistency here.

Outside of that element, I think the chapter was positive though - you definitely captured the grandeur and hob-knobbing that are part and parcel of political events and all the good and bad feelings and memories they can bring.

Now I'm on to your most recent update - Chapter 10! What awaits, I wonder, on the next page? A time-jump? A blow-up? The groundwork for a disaster? I suppose I'll find out in a few short moments...

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Review #13, by TidalDragon The Breakdown of Walls

28th February 2015:
Hello again!

I'll start by saying that I think some of the best writing you've done in this story came in this chapter. You just did a particularly strong job of choosing the right words and crafting the descriptions to make me FEEL more of what Laney is experiencing thoughout. Until the very end of this chapter you almost had me feeling a bit sorry for her. I liked the glimpse into who she is and how she became so (mostly) hard.

But then we came back around to the end and she's revealing that she still intends on carrying on with things for the pure manipulation of it. That's real and authentic for her in the moment I think (even if it doesn't end up happening in the end), but it still destroys any pity I have for it. Liars and cheats are the worst. THE WORST.

The only scene that I thought could have gone a bit better was the introduction of everyone at the Potter household. Going through everyone almost immediately just felt a tad forced rather than organic. I think the awkwardness and order was certainly authentic though, so if you were prioritizing that over prose, I can't say I blame you entirely.

See you in Chapter 9!

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Review #14, by TidalDragon A Couple of Firsts

28th February 2015:
As you may have guessed - I'm always up for more politics. I'm certainly intrigued by Louis and his machinations behind the scenes with Peters. Is he merely covering himself in case Laney loses or is it something more? He SEEMS to have had no qualms about casting her aside for "Karmen" though I also wonder if that was out of concern that she was actually showing signs of interest in James. I'd like to believe he's not THAT bad, but you know, there are bad cookies out there.

The biggest highlight of this chapter though was that we got even more of a glimpse into Laney's latent vulnerability. Even the toughest, most calculating folks have these moments and I thought it was entirely appropriate and well-handled for her here. Though it didn't make her look good AT ALL, a close second was the calculating way she decided to sleep with James. Revenge sex? Not a good look at all. Hope he doesn't find out - for either of their sakes.

See you in Chapter 8!

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Review #15, by TidalDragon A Boyfriend and Something Else

28th February 2015:
Well, James has my vote. That's probably because he's more like me, but I'll say that Louis, even if his words were driven by passion, seems more the controlling-type which would be a deal-breaker for a person who wants to be Minister I should think.

To follow on from that point though, I think another part of why people may side with James is that we've simply seen a lot more of the traditional aspects of a relationship between he and Laney. If the drama surrounding the three of them is going to be central (as the summary implies) I'd be careful about skipping over too much of the relationship between Louis and Laney in the beginning as it can skew people's views. I suppose it's also appropriate to add too though that I believe you've done a good job so far handling Laney's persona and motives and tucking in bits of her actual feelings in the dates with James. The characterizations have been well-done for both of them so far.

Including the old retired pol was a good touch too. I'm thinking it's only a matter of time until Laney wins at this point (unless you're going to throw her a big-time setback unexpectedly).

Moving forward - ever forward!

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Review #16, by TidalDragon All Hope is not Lost

28th February 2015:
Poor Jane! She seems like she's in for a rough life if she's destined to stick with Laney - though maybe that questioning look will turn into a popping-off one day and she'll find some stones. Only time will tell...

I did enjoy the way the lobbying component and cynical commentary on the tit-for-tat voting works too. I can't help but wonder if there's more to Broomwicks than seems to meet the eye though with all their intel and clandestine sort of behavior. Though they'd obviously be influential, it would seem that broom handles can't possibly be all they do to be THIS influential. The banter in the letters was also a plus.

One thing that rang a bit off for me was the article in the Prophet about James and Laney. For me, Laney's criticisms seem much more valid given the publication at issue because for all its failings, you would think that the Prophet would properly cover a celebrity athlete and a politician (and would certainly identify her title and election status).

Oh well, surging forward to Chapter 6!

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Review #17, by TidalDragon The First Date

28th February 2015:
Aha! An intriguing interlude! Even if we still got Laney's running commentary on everything, this definitely put her out of her normal environs and if I'm not mistaken, she'll admit later that she actually quite enjoyed herself on this date with James.

James, for his part, seems like a nice guy. You're developing him as Laney's antithesis pretty nicely thus far (if that's indeed his purpose) - she's focused, he's laid back, she's two-faced, he's earnest - and so on and so forth. I'm interested to see how the dynamic works going forward.

As far as CC for this chapter, I might consider incorporating some stronger, more evocative language to make some of Laney's descriptions pop more than others as the story goes forward. If nothing else, this might be appropriate to helping distinguish the intensity with which she feels (or hopes someone thinks she feels) something (honestly or dishonestly as the case may be).

Now for Chapter 5!

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Review #18, by TidalDragon The Quidditch International Foundation

28th February 2015:
Hello hello. Remy the lobbyist? A nod to House of Cards perhaps?

Though there was again a sizable time jump and what seems to be quite an early entrance to the Wizengamot for Laney, it was interesting to see things NOT going her way for once. We saw a little bit more vulnerability from her when her thoughts wandered after the confrontation with Peters and the moments with Louis this time around.

To answer your question from the A/N, I definitely think Laney is doing the wrong thing with James. She's doing the wrong thing personally and politically in my mind because if it ever got out that she had simply used him - if I know Ginny, Laney's going to wind up buried. Unless of course James has schemes of his own (which is quite possible, especially in a story like this).

One thing that I think could be a useful tweak here and there would be to include some additional body language in the story. A lot of what we're getting right now in terms of the dichotomy between Laney's spoken words/actions and her actual feelings is in direct juxtaposition of dialogue and inner thought. Sometimes it can be helpful to make this less explicit as it give the character a little more mystery and makes the reader wonder - does she really believe that or is it for show, with more subtle clues to guide them.

Just a thought. Onward and upward to Chapter 4!

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Review #19, by TidalDragon Whispers

28th February 2015:
Hello again!

Well, Laney and Louis are just delightfully duplicitous aren't they? But that IS politics. So you've made a fair point.

In this chapter the two things that jumped out at me on the positive side were: (1) your clarity of vision and (2) your honesty. You have a clear hierarchy that you want your characters to fit in and move up through within a gargantuan entity like the Ministry and have obviously sketched out well how they're going to inter-relate. You also, at the start in particular, noted the down-side of the method of moving up that Laney has chosen (essentially using sex as a weapon).

On the flip-side, I thought that things moved incredibly quickly here. I understand you don't want to get mired in the day-to-day boredom of the lower-level positions, but that also doesn't give us as much time to get to know the characters, and unless the hierarchy you've established as some point is made explicit, it's undermined slightly by the pace because two (with a third in the offing?) promotions in this short time-span seems a tad unrealistic without that background information.

On the more minor side, I've noticed that at the start of chapters, you tend to have some repetitive language, and there was an element of internal inconsistency here - not paying attention to the case proceedings, but taking the trouble to read legislation that individuals have proposed. Both seem (politically) to be useful to be privy to and something that Laney would pay attention to for intel if nothing else.

All in all I'm still quite intrigued though - see you for Chapter 3.

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Review #20, by TidalDragon Let's Make a Deal

28th February 2015:
Howdy Mary! I bet you thought, after all this time, that I had forgotten about the reviews I owed you - but NOT SO. I suppose it's a stroke of good luck that this story has 10 chapters now so I can read right through to the end and deliver all the reviews I owe you!

To start off with, I think this is going to be an interesting story for me. Though I'm far too blunt and disdainful of the public niceties demanded, I used to have political ambitions and I'm still very interested in politics. Usually you don't get to see how people started on the literal bottom of the totem pole though in such sagas, so this should be a nice departure.

When it comes to characterizations, I think I'll need a little more time to get a feel for Louis - though I'm wondering about his sorting already - was he a Slytherin? As far as Laney, you've already set about establishing the kind of person she is - not-so-likable so far - but I can easily understand her and why she behaves the way she does. I'm looking forward to the increased complexity that will ensue when she starts interacting with other people and how she manages to maintain a consistent voice despite the necessary differences in her public persona.

See you in the next chapter!

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Review #21, by R o s m e r t a Celebratory Drinks

27th February 2015:
Honeyyy you DO love me! :) And I'm really happy this update came so quickly!

I cannot overemphasize how freaking adorable James and Laney (Janey?) are throughout this and every other chapter. Plus Laney's dress trick = bomb. Why don't we have magic?

I legit LOL'd at Killian wanting Laney to leave behind the significantly less attractive person. I love him and Charlotte and I want to see more of them! Pretty please? I think Laney needs a good girl friend and Charlotte is perfect for the job...though I kind of feel like the pair of them may be capable of some real trouble-making with their drinking and whatnot.

Ooh, the first real glimpse of Laney's formidable mother! The way you portrayed her was completely perfect--exactly what I expected from the build-up you've been giving her parents. Does she realize that James is actually James POTTER, or does she just think Quidditch players are just so completely useless that she doesn't care about the high-profile boyf? Anyway, I'm completely intrigued by her and can't wait to see what happens at the upcoming shindig.

UGH WHY LOUIS WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!? You already know how I feel about this little union so I will attempt to refrain from further comment. He'd better REALLY be jealous though.

Political intrigue as well...I can't wait to see what comes next.

You're amazing! Update soon! Love youuu Xo B

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Review #22, by z Celebratory Drinks

23rd February 2015:
I really love this story. And although ur girl Laney occasionally gives of bitch vibes ... I like those bitchy vibes! I hope U finish the story, its a shame for such a great story to remain unfinished so Update!!!

Also , will there be a meeting between Hermione and Laney?

Great story again!

Update update update

Author's Response: Haha! That Laney does, though I guess that just comes with her personality and her thoughts on how the world should work :P Can't say I don't mind them myself ;) Don't worry! I've already got an idea for at least the next two chapters and I am definitely planning on finishing this story!

Possibly but I'm not giving anything away ;)

Thanks for the lovely review!!

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Review #23, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Whispers

22nd February 2015:
before I turn to back my task.

Should be: before I turn back to my task

And anyway, who cares if people think I slept with Louis to get this job? All that matters is what I know, and that is that I havenít slept with Louis.

Yeah, but will she? I mean it doesnít seem like she has a problem with sleeping with Louis. I kind of question her morals and goals and how she wants to get there.

Your job is to have drinks with whomever thinks the trust should be broken up and

Sheís basically his little Ďsexyí kitten. I canít say exactly what I want to say with 12+ rules and all. Haha. But sheís just there to charm people and use her good looks for Louis so they can get more opportunities and swindle their way to the top.

Man, two chapters in and I already canít wait for their downfall.

He then turn to me

Should be: turns

He leans back, gives me a look that can only be categorized as pure lust, before slamming his lips own my own.

Bingo. Knew it.

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Review #24, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Let's Make a Deal

22nd February 2015:
Sorting papers is the bane of my existence.

Mine too.

I eye her up and down, and hate her on sight; she has no class at all.

I really like your writing style but man Laney is hard to like. She seems rude right off the bat. This girl could be the next big thing and here she is being nasty to her because of the way she looks. Laney is one of those people I wouldnít like in real life.

There is a reason why I am dressed in a tight pencil skirt and a button-down shirt that is buttoned as low as possible while still being appropriate in a workplace. There is a reason why I am wearing stilettos instead of those god-awful but comfortable chunky low-heeled shoes so many women in my line of work wear.

So she wants to climb to the top without doing the actual work? She may be pretty but to work in politics and throw yourself around like thatÖcome on, girl is going to have so many scandals to deal with.

ďThe name Weasley can get you many things,Ē he replies, not as snootily as someone who has the power to reserve seats at a popular bar would usually be, but still a little too proud for my liking.

Really Laney because the two of you seem to be the same person. I donít trust Louis for a second but I donít trust her either. Sheís going to regret this. He will turn on her faster than you can say pumpkin pasty.

Itíll be interesting to see how their relationship proceeds. Itís sure to be filled with plenty of lies between the two. I wonder what will happen next.

I was intrigued by your summary and this first chapter pulled me in completely. Plus, I like your sharp writing style. Letís see how Laney becomes the MOM or not.

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Review #25, by happyanon Whispers

22nd February 2015:
Ambition. God bless the woman with ambition. I like this story alot. for now, I'd stop there. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I myself do quite admire Laney's ambition so I am very glad I am not alone in my thoughts :P Hope you do keep reading! I promise that she will keep her ambition throughout the books, though it will lead to some complication ;)

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