Reading Reviews for Upping The Ante
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ladyrae Immortal

16th December 2014:
Aww, poor Alex! How's he gonna react to her going out with Sirius?? But still yay Sirius being so sweet. Random prediction that I have little basis for making: Charlie dies! Hope it's not true.

Great chapter. Can't wait for the next!

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Review #2, by writeyourheartout Immortal

15th December 2014:
-LE GASP-

Okay, so I was right about the Alex thing! EXCEPT OH MY GOD IT WAS SO UPSETTING SO QUICKLY. POOR ALEX! HOW COULD YOU, ALEXANDRA/LO! *pets Alex* Ugh.

Although, having said that... I'm not as attached to the idea of Alex/Alexandra as I was last chapter. In fact, I've actually been swayed back to the side of being glad they're just friends. I hope this kiss doesn't ruin things for their friendship, though! I mean, I've been in Alexandra's shoes before with my best friend, and things changed a lot after that for us, and I don't want to see it happen to these guys too! Eep! I still love Alex as a character and I want him to be happy! I hope he gets over this and finds a new girl to love even more... PROMISE ME YOU'LL GIVE HIM A NEW GIRL AT SOME POINT! :-p

Okay, moving away from my slight obsession with the well-being of Alex...

Wow, a lot of crazy stuff happens this chapter! Sirius is such a little stalker with that map (but who am I kidding, wouldn't we all be? :-p), and I've decided that he seems to genuinely care about Alexandra. I'd love it if at some point in a future chapter we could hear about the extent of their relationship before this story began. Were they friends? Acquaintances? Competitors? I think a little more background info would really push me entirely onboard the Sirius/Alexandra ship. *lets go of Alex/Alexandra dream* ;)

Omg, Frank! No! That's so upsetting. And wow, did it come at a crazy moment, just after the almost kiss and the awful burn. That room was just total chaos. I love that you are able to handle scenes like that with such ease, though. Big scenes in which a lot of things happen are the types that I always feel like I'll drop the ball on (which is why I don't think I have any posted yet...), but you juggle all of the chaos with ease and I never lose track of what's happening, nor does the scene lose its pace. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. (Seriously, I have a war scene coming up in Lying Josephine and I have no idea what I'm doing. Save me.)

As devastating as Frank's news is, I love the choice you made to include it - particularly because it brought a whole new layer to this story by including the war. More than that, I love the paragraph that talks about how Frank's father's death was the first pureblood life to be lost and the fear that idea seemed to instill in everyone. It's moments like that which remind you of how no one is safe during this time.

*pointedly ignores the fact that Hufflepuff is always labelled as the House with the laughable Quidditch team, but only because Amos Diggory is on the team and he was pretty awful, so I'm okay with him losing* :-p

I love the description and small details in this paragraph: The air was brisk as it usually was in November. Small patches of frost crunched under our feet. The beater's bat in my hand was cold, as was my Shooting Star, and I was glad for the fingerless gloves I had that offered some protection from the winter air. - So lovely. :)

So much awkward in the changing room after the game. Poor Alex. MAKE HIM HAPPY AGAIN, LO! hehehe

The ending was so sad, but really well done. I think Dumebledore's speech was perfectly in character, and his words were really moving and powerful. That last line about Charlie was a great way to finish the chapter off, as well - really gripping to put into perspective how close to home these attacks are, having to worry about your closest friends and their safety. I wonder if the attack on Hogsmeade will throw a wrench in the plans of Sirius and Alexandra's date? (I liked seeing the slightly more vulnerable side of Sirius when he asked her out, by the way. ^.^)

And now for another round of nitpicky thingies! :-p

But I couldn't shake one face from my mind as *I hard as I tried to. - *Stray I

(bloody hell* he was a phenomenal keeper!) - *comma

"No* don't be sorry." - *comma

...and little Tom seemed *to distressed **too tie up his gear properly. - *too, **to

And that's everything! Another great chapter, Lo! I really love that this story focuses on a wide spectrum of things; it makes it all the more enjoyable. And I do insist that you update soon. ;) Keep up the great writing! :-D

Tanya

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Review #3, by writeyourheartout Upping The Ante

15th December 2014:
FIRST OF ALL: I definitely referred to Alexandra as Alexandria all of my last review, so my sincerest apologies for that! I vote we blame it on the late hour of my reviewing. :-p

Anyway, onto the actual chapter review! Yay!

Ahahaha! A true Ravenclaw, she is! I was confused at first as to her tactic, but when Alex said, "Can't touch your opponent's glass," I was like OH SNAP. That was a great moment.

I can't tell if Alex has feelings for Alexandra or not. There was mention in chapter two, I think it was, of a Daisy (I think?) that Alex seemed to maybe have a crush on, but sometimes he acts like maybe it's Alexandra he actually has feelings for... *ponders* Either way, I quite like that I can't tell. Always fun to have a bit of mystery in a story! ^.^

Speaking of Alex, I'm really loving his character. He's incredibly three dimensional and I think you have an exceptional grasp on who he is as a person. And I love when we get to see these perfectly Ravenclaw moments pop up, like when he talks about the science behind alcohol and its effects on the body. And is it weird that I love the fact he plans to become an Investigative Coroner? hahaha He's quickly becoming one of my favorite characters, I must admit. Of course, I do have to wonder how he plans to be around dead bodies if he's so afraid of blood... But the leech incident was pretty adorable. Have I mentioned already how much I like Alex's character? :-p

I love the way you described the potion-making. The details here were really fantastic, and the decision to use so many terms and objects that us Muggles are actually somewhat familiar with was great, too (though, arguably not the most canon, but it doesn't bother me at all, so there!). I think describing events and activities is your strong suit - you write those scenes flawlessly, and I'm totally jealous, cause they aren't my forte at all.

Bahaha! The Shrinking Solution on Snape's nose! Too perfect. Imagery is a beautiful thing, is it not? hehehe

OMG SHE KISSED ALEX?!?! Ah! I feel so torn! Cause, I'm going to be honest with you, I currently much prefer Alex to Sirius. Sirius is a little... smarmy so far. He's all rehearsed lines and arrogance and charm and not a substantial, true, honest person yet. But Alex is awesome - as I've mentioned (a lot) earlier, and now I'm sad, cause they're of course not going to last! Also, because it's now past midnight and I have to go to bed before knowing what results of this kiss! Quite possibly nothing at all, cause maybe my earlier inkling of Alex having feelings for Alexandria was just you being a tricky author... I WANT TO KNOW BUT I MUST SLEEP CAUSE WORK IN THE MORNING. But I will be back after work for your final review! ^.^

Some more nitpicky details before I go:

"I was an idiot last night," I groaned, my head pounding from the million little hammers that seemed to be hitting it. - Alex, who sat across from me, smiled. "Yes, you are*..." - *were

"It'll be okay. Just get back quickly or I'll flaw* you because I am not botching this potion." - *Flaw doesn't seem to work here, but I'm not sure what you meant to say, either. Flay, maybe?

Anyway, I'm seriously enjoying this story, Lo. I can't wait to see what happens next. Damn you, responsible adulthood! *shakes fist*

See you soon,
Tanya ^.^

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Review #4, by writeyourheartout Live A Little

15th December 2014:
'lo, Lo! (Do people do that to you all the time? hahaha) I'm just gonna jump right into this review! ^.^

"We need to start a Charms club," I said as I burst into my dormitory. - Hahahaha! Omg, that is the perfect line to start this chapter after the way the previous one ended! I legitimately laughed out loud at this. Too funny.

Omg, this entire first section was just brilliant. I have to tell you, as someone who is in love with Remus Lupin, the girl talk surrounding him had me giggling so hard. I swear to God, that was such a realistic scene, I felt like I was right there with them freaking out over this adorable boy. Eep! I love him so much. And even though we've only had a glimpse of Remus' character thus far, I am loving your version already. ^.^ Oh, and the way the ending couple of lines looped back around to the Charms Club thing made me chuckle as well. Such a great opening section to this chapter.

I love that you introduced Amos Diggory as the boy Alexandria is first interested in. I mean, this is obviously a Sirius/OC fic, but I love that so far their interactions have been pretty mild. He seems like maybe he's interested in her, but he might just be a flirt at this point? It's hard to say - which I like! - whereas she hasn't shown any actual interest in him, especially compared to how quickly she was taken with Amos. I love that choice, because it adds such a great layer to this story that a lot of Sirius/OC's don't include - they tend to be completely Sirius-centric - and throwing Amos in adds believability and a fun subplot, even if Amos doesn't come back into the picture after his little face-sucking incident. haha

The friendship dynamics you've created are really great. I'm loving all of your OC's and how they're each distinct as individuals, but still make sense as a singular unit. In only three chapters, you've introduce a lot of new characters, and have somehow managed to make me care about them all. I think that takes exceptional talent to pull off, so some serious kudos to you.

Hahahaha! Can we talk about how much I LOVE that you made McGonagall a former bombshell? I can totally see it. :-p

You do a fantastic job at writing the action of a Quidditch game. By far one of the best telling's I've read, to be honest. You know how to highlight the right information so that we understand what's happening, while still keeping a quick pace to the action and building up the final moments so that I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen. And I felt the excitement that Alexandria and the others felt too at Gryffindor's win. Really wonderfully done, Lo.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I SQUEE MORE ABOUT REMUS. (Charlie is so lucky. Ugh. :-p)

I love the way this chapter ended. The whole section was great, but those last lines were an absolutely perfect way to leave it. And I have to admit, I am super excited to see what happens next chapter, because I'm taking an educated guess and thinking that maybe Alexandria's first foray into living a little may hold some fun consequences. hehehe

A few nitpicky little details:

"What did you talk about in the library,"* I asked, leaning forward on my knees. - Kendra** shrugged. "School stuff mostly..." - I think *here you want a question mark rather than a comma. And **here, did you mean Charlie? It makes it sound like Kendra is the one who was talking to Remus in the library, not Charlie. I was confused a bit about who it was that got asked out after that sentence, is all. Hope that makes sense... :-p

For years, it had been a back and forth between the two of them of awkward sexual tension. - This sentence is just a little wonky.

Red and green raced around the pitch and it was just barely possibly* to see Black as he zipped about on his Nimbus. Even Thomas began** enraptured with the Gryffindor beater's new broom. - *possible, **became

Anyway, I'm truly loving this so far. I sincerely look forward to seeing how this story continues to unravel! I'm gonna have to add this to my list of favorites, too, cause I am invested! Great job so far, Lo! Yay! :-D

Tanya

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Review #5, by naflower05 Immortal

14th December 2014:
Really good story so far! I can't wait to see what happens next! Update again soon please!! =]

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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 Save A Broom

13th December 2014:
Hi there Lo!

I'm here for our review swap. So sorry it's taken me this long - I was incredibly tired last night.

Once I clicked on your story I realized I'd already read the first chapter! I'm so glad to see you're back to writing this. It's a great premise - to set a story against the backdrop of Quidditch with the Marauders. You've done a fabulous job with characterization here. From Sirius's arrogance to Lily's confidence and aptitude for potions - everything was great!

I really like the pacing you've set so far. You've set up everyone's motivations and characters nicely. Sirius can be insufferable - and I love how he clearly thinks he's charming - but comes off as a total git. I think he might have his hands full with Alexandra - she's clearly not falling for it. However, the way to a girls heart may just be through... a broom? She was clearly more interested in the Nimbus 1001 (at least that's as much as she's willing to admit at this point :))

And what's this? Amos Diggory is showing an interest as well. Hmmm - this could prove to be very intriguing. I think you also got his character spot on as well - he thinks pretty highly of himself.

Thanks for doing a swap! I'm so glad you're continuing this story!

♥ Beth

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Review #7, by pointless_proclamations The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

13th December 2014:
Dear Lo,

For a review swap. . .

I AM SO EXCITED BY THE PREMISE OF THIS STORY!!

Immediately, I am taken by Alexandra. You make her so easy to understand. Also, Charlie's just amazing. I adore all of them immediately. However. . . Sirius and James. They seem like such jerks. Goodness, I kind of find myself hating them a bit. At the same time, I quite like seeing this nasty side of them I don't see quite often in fanfiction. The character dynamics here! I just absolutely adore it.

Speaking of things I absolutely adore: your dialogue, your style of writing--amazingly descriptive, your humour--dangerously-falling-off-my-seat-worthy, the title, the summary, the wonderfully clever chapter title, the chapter summary, basically everything.

Bahaha! That wink. It always starts with a wink, doesn't it?

Lastly, YES! I AM MOST DEFINITELY EXCITED FOR MORE!

Cheers,
Em

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Review #8, by Unicorn_Charm Save A Broom

13th December 2014:
Hey Lo! Here for our swap! :)

I'm glad that I saw your status, I've been meaning to continue with this story.

I am really enjoying this story! Alexandra is a fantastic OC and I'm really liking her. I, like her, am definitely not a morning person either, so can relate to her slight irritation with a wide awake and chipper Lily haha.

Ahh Sirius *swoon* I am loving, loving, loving him. His smirks and cool confidence, I don't know how Alexandra keeps it together around him. :) I laughed out loud when he and James abandoned their cauldron and caused it to blow up. That seems very James and Sirius-ish.

I love the fact that the main character is a girl who is extremely into Quidditch and brooms and not very girly. So far she almost seems like one of the guys. As a former tomboy, it's refreshing to read a character like her. Instead of reading Witch Weekly, she's immersed in Quidditch magazines. I love it!

Poor little Tom. She really put him through a rough practice. Hopefully he becomes more comfortable and improves. He just seems really nervous right now. She was hard on him, yet kind too.

She's a Hendrix fan! I love classic rock! She is now the coolest OC I've ever read, due to her excellent taste in music. ;) I laughed again when Sirius finished singing the lyrics at her haha. Again, another total swoon worthy moment for me. I can never get enough of reading Sirius Black flirt and you write it wonderfully.

Hmm... What was that with Amos at the end? It seemed like he may have sparked her interest? I guess I'll have to read on and find out. :D

The whole Save a Broom, Ride a Quidditch Player was great. I used to be obsessed with Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy when it came out haha.

Awesome chapter and story! I'll definitely be coming back to read more!! Thanks again for the swap! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Review #9, by Aphoride The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

12th December 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :) Sorry about the delay - been so busy the last while!

Anyway, I'm here now and I love the beginning of this! I love how you've used the Quidditch in the story, and made it so that she's a Ravenclaw but not super-bright or super into studying, which I really love (ofc, I love the fact that she's a Ravenclaw too, haha ;D), since usually they're not portrayed like that, you know? It's a very unique portrayal, imo.

The Quidditch scenes were great, too - all the action and everything was written so well, and it's hard because it's all action, you know, so I really loved it - with the way you described them in the air and the weightlessness when Alexandra first flies again and everything; it was great. Your writing through all of it was great, though, don't get me wrong - you have a lovely style, and your word choice is brilliant! - I just wanted to highlight the Quidditch bits because I loved them :)

Your inclusion of the Marauders was great, haha. I loved the Quidditch pitch confrontation and how they were so mean to Charlie and them, and how Charlie reacted - the little barbs they made are so true to school life, so realistic. And the other OCs - Carter and Charlie and them all - are so lovely too, again such atypical presentations of people, with their flaws and all pretty obvious: Carter's anger and Charlie's laziness in the mornings... you've really got a brilliant cast here!

Your dialogue is so good, too. I think out of all of your writing, that's what I love the most. It's just so easy and so fluid, you know - like actual people talking, which I find so impressive (I'm terrible at dialogue, haha, which is why I include as little as possible of it! :P), but it's so great in this. I loved the comment about bouncing a dime, haha. Made me laugh out loud; I nearly spat water over my laptop :P

This is a really great start to a no doubt great story, I really enjoyed reading this and I'm really glad we swapped! :)

Thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

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Review #10, by HEG The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

11th December 2014:
Abfsskydy ... How do you write like this?!

I don't know how you managed to produce such a gripping, well written chapter. It's beyond be as to how you do it. At first, because I didn't read the "specifications" at the bottom, I didn't know this was Marauders era so I was just going with the flow. Then when Sirius Black stepped in to defend James, I realised what era it was being written in. I think you mighty have made a small mistake regarding James wearing glasses because I'm pretty sure that in the books that he didn't wear glasses but that was nothing huge, really. I did like how all your descriptions were so fluently written and each word was perfectly placed. Because Xandra is an OC, I was a little baffled by all the OCs thrown at me. I think maybe you could have saved some for the next chapter. The dialogue was nicely written and easy to follow. The punctuation and grammar was flawless as far as I am aware. And finally, I'd like to add, that I can't wait for the next chapter ! :)

Bye!

Missy

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Review #11, by BellaLestrange87 The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

25th November 2014:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap. I have to admit, this story was already on my reading list - I added it as soon as I saw you post your summary in the Summary Index thread in the Loony Lounge. It looked really interesting and I knew that I just had to read it, so when you offered a review swap I was really eager.

Okay. On to the actual review.

I really enjoyed this chapter. I like Alexandra - she's the right mix of sassy and self-deprecating, and I like how she's really close with all her teammates. I found that I could relate to her - I play sports, and I don't like doing laps, or getting up for morning practice either (well, who does).

The Quidditch scenes were really well done. I could see all the action unfolding in my mind at the same time that it played out on the pitch - which was awesome. I like how Alexandra and Charlie worked together to distract the Gryffindor Chaser. I don't normally see Quidditch players directly aiding their teammates in a game situation like that, which is a shame.

James and Sirius were characterized really well. That prank at the end - how on earth would they get to Dumbledore and manage to colour-change his beard? It sounds exactly like the kind of thing Lupin and Snape described to Harry. I like how Alexandra is having none of it. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore noticed though - having hair as long as his beard is makes it noticeable, and I don't think having a colour-changing beard can be ignored for long.

Is that Sirius flirting with Alexandra? I think it is. Of course, the way Sirius is portrayed in the books (and in fanfiction as well, as a kind of playboy) makes me wonder if he's genuinely attracted to Alexandra, or if he's merely stringing her along. I guess we'll find out.

Yay for non-morning people! "It is, sleeping beauty, and if you want to have enough time for breakfast before Charms, youíll get up." That line is awesome. Alexandra so far sounds like the sassy girl I think Sirius would fall for. I am wondering, though - what back-up career would Alexandra need to take Advanced Arithmacy, Ancient Runes, and Alchemy for? If it's revealed later, obviously I'll find out myself, but I'm just curious. I don't think most people put a lot of effort into something they know is going to be their backup. Since Alexandra sounds very competent on the Qudiditch pitch, it looks, so far, like her backup will not be necessary.

I love how Charlie used Sirius's family history against him. With a wizarding family as prominent as the Blacks must have been, it seems logical that Sirius's spat with them - and in seventh year I think he was living with James already - would be common knowledge, and therefore common arguments for people that don't like him.

Good job!

~Olivia

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Review #12, by BitterSweetFlames Save A Broom

25th November 2014:
Hi Lo! :) Carla here for our review swap (I'm SkitsandBits at the forums. hehe)
Anyway, this was a very interesting story and I am uber interested in seeing where it is going. So I decided to just go ahead and read through to Chapter 2 because I saw that Chapter 1 had more reviews and, anyway, like I said, I just wanted to see where it was going. Kay, that's out of the way.

First off, I haven't read many Quidditch stories (or ones that feature Quidditch in a big way!). I'm just not a sports gal and it's a sport, lol. But, the way you wrote it and portrayed the playing and the players is actually amazing even with the fact that they're all OC's so you had to introduce them to us AND talk about playing Quidditch.

Anyway, specifically in Chapter 2 I loved Lily. Like, really really. I think the way you wrote her seemed spot on. I've never written her (I wouldn't know how!) but she comes across as lovely. Also, may I just say that the way you insert little snippets of humor here and there is just brilliant. I really laugh out loud when I read them and it's rare for me to have that reaction. I think it's one of your strengths, I really do. Like, the bouncing dimes line from the previous chapter and the save a broom one from this. Just genius! :D

Anyway, I also want to mention that I love Charlie! She's so interesting and well-written and 3-dimensional that I want to be her friend, I want to hang out with her. Just, really great.

Now onto Sirius Black. I think the way you wrote him was spot on. He's arrogant, a bit of a player and just really crazy. It's interesting to note how Alexandra will react to things with him especially now that Amos has been introduced! Oooh, intrigue. I want to see where the Amos storyline is going. You sneaky devil you, putting him towards the end that you'd whet my interest. Haha.

Overall, really enjoyed it.

Thanks for the swap! :)

--Carla

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Review #13, by Cannons The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

25th November 2014:
Hey, review swap! :)

I'm pretty sure that I read some of the previous version of this story so it will be interesting to see if I remember anything, because that was probably a year ago and I don't know how much you have changed.

Alexandra is a different kind of Ravenclaw, her remark about books not being as important really stuck out and it was quite refreshing. Sometimes stereotypes need to be broken and without getting in to a whole different debate, just because you are in a certain house, doesn't mean that you are a carbon copy, exact image of perfection according to the houses 'stereotypes'.

I liked the opening scene with the Quidditch pitch and the detail of her name on her robes digging in to her back. It was a neat idea to have her change positions as well.

The way you wrote Tom into the bit with team huddle where he 'jumped' when his name was called made it really believable. It would be hard to be the only new person on a team.

I feel like I kind of know who is who but would need a couple more chapters to really get the characters in to my mind. I'm liking the friendship/beater duo though at the moment.

The little interchange between the two teams was fun to read, James' joke was funny but cruel. He also seems a little too full of himself at the moment, I'm not sure if that is just the bad humour though. :P


I was hoping to go into Quidditch as a profession somehow, but Flitwick had told me that if I didnít have a fall back career, then I was deluded. - I liked this line, very much something I image Flitwick would say.

Thank you for the swap! It was interesting to read this again. :)

Fin

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Review #14, by Renegade Niffler The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

30th September 2014:
Hi. I'm a touch late with your Gryffie review exchange, but I hope you will forgive that. :)

I love the idea of female beaters! I'm not sure that I've seen that before, and I think it's a refreshing idea. I think the Quidditch world needs more ladies playing that position.

Overall this was a good intro chapter. You did a great job introducing the characters, and weaving that into the flow of the action. Not to mention that they come off as natural, likeable characters, and the team seemed to gel nicely together. Writing a good team dynamic isn't always easy to do.

I also liked the sort of subtle introduction to the betting theme. I think it perfectly sets things up for the rest of the story. Though I'm admittedly just assuming there will be more betting based on your title and (very well written) summary. ;)

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Review #15, by TidalDragon Save A Broom

29th September 2014:
Howdy Lo! It's been awhile, but I'm glad to see you're back around and glad to jump into this story again!

I am enjoying the Marauders Era from a different perspective here. In Potions class we got to see a different side of Lily than in most fics in that time where she is a constant object of affection. I thought you did a good job of making her studiousness and a spot of her temper shine through while brewing the Draught of Living Death. And you did an excellent job with canon going through that receipe too - which you supplemented with era appropriate music!

The Quidditch training was also refreshing. I think it did a great job of showcasing that it IS an actual sport and requires a level of fitness to compete, not just skill. It also made for a nice opportunity to showcase an inventive new charm. Even though it's simple, I liked the Countdown Charm. When I'm writing I'm always awkwardly thinking of how wizards keep track of things like time (aside from an hourglass or something medieval) and this was a neat addition.

Of course, we return to the dynamic between Alexandra and Sirius. The thing I liked most about it was the realism of her not fawning over him or immediately beginning to melt after a few funny exchanges.

I did think Amos Diggory seemed a bit out of place here (I've always pictured him as being older, like Molly and Arthur) and that the atmosphere was a bit light given what's going on in the outside world, but it didn't detract greatly.

If outside obligations don't swallow me whole, I'll carry on once I've met my reviewing debts for my challenge.

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Review #16, by Unicorn_Charm The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

28th September 2014:
Hi there! Here for the swap! :D

Well, I as well, can never resist a good Sirius Black story, so I'm glad that I ended up doing the swap with you. :)

This first chapter was fantastic! The introduction, with Alexandra daydreaming about winning the Quidditch Cup and describing how she felt, being on the pitch again, really grabbed my attention. The characters were all introduced beautifully, even with excitement of the impromptu Quidditch match that came about. And I have to admit, you write Quidditch really, really well. It was funny and a little tense at times. That line about bouncing a dime off of Alex's behind really cracked me up.

Alexandra seems like a great character. She seems pretty laid back and funny. I love how she didn't immediately swoon over Sirius - I mean, I know I would. ;) It definitely makes me want to continue on and see how, and if, their relationship forms and progresses.

I would never expect to see a Ravenclaw say that her marks weren't the most important thing to her. I always assumed that they were all very bookish and obsessed with their grades, to be honest. This is the first time I've read a fic from the perspective of a Ravenclaw, so I can't wait to see how you write the characteristics and dynamics of the members of that house. Already I can see that, at least her group of friends, aren't as smitten with the Marauders as the rest of the school - primarily the Gryffindors - seem to be. Although, I did find their prank pretty funny. :)

I thought this was really interesting and very well written. Definitely something I would be interested in continuing on with! I'm dying to see what happens next.

Thank you for sharing! I really enjoyed this!

xoxo Meg

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Review #17, by Penelope Inkwell Live A Little

28th September 2014:
Hey! Penny here, for our belated/rescheduled review swap!

This chapter made me giggle several times. You have some really cute dialogue. It also reads like people actually talk, which can be tricky to manage, but you seem to have that skill nailed down rather nicely!

"'Rehmulsh Lpngh,' Charlie muttered, ducking her head so as not to look me in the eye.Ē
--Adorable. Iím curious, did you mumble that yourself, like, repeatedly, in order to figure out how it would be spelled?

ďI bloody well said yes, itís flipping Remus Lupin! Do you know how cute he is, and do you know how single I am?Ē
--Bahahaha! This line. Is. Wonderful. Iím laughing right now.

Aw, Alex is so cute and overprotective of Alexandra! I love it : D

You do a really good job in this Quidditch scene. You donít describe everything about it, which is good, since it doesnít seem like the game itself is meant to be the heart of this chapter. But you include just enough to really set the scene, and make us feel like weíre there. Quidditch can be so tricky to right, but you just had it. I was so into it. Like, edge of my seat, BUT IS HE GOING TO MAKE THE SHOT?! WILL REGULUS GET THERE FIRST?! Great job!

Also, I like how you thought through what sort of technical details ĎXandra would be noticing, since sheís a beater, herself. Her take on the game very much reflected the factors her character would be concerned with, which was a good move on your part.

Oh, looking back on it, I guess Amos being super-late was a bit of foreshadowing. Not a very considerate guy. I mean, maybe they werenít exclusive, per say, but still. If youíve just gotten back from a date with someone else, maybe show enough thoughtfulness to not be kissing someone else only a few hours later? Or, at the very least, have some discretion and donít upset/embarrass her by making out with some other chick on the dance floor of a huge party? Maybe? Ugh. Amos.

Looks like it might helps Sirius out, though, so there is that.

---
CC:

This sentence is a bit confusing: "Their not-so-recent antics against anyone of Ďsub-parí magical lineage had escalated in the last few years, and even some of their own were fed up with them.Ē
--How do you mean, not-so-recent? Arenít they recent if theyíve been escalating?

---

Overall, this was just a very fun chapter. I was sad for Alexandra after the whole Amos thing. I honestly did not see that coming so soon--I figured something would happen eventually, but the timing was definitely a twist. Way to keep me on my toes! But, aside from that, everything was fairly fun and light-hearted, and I really enjoyed the tone. Also looking forward to see how things go down with Sirius!

Thanks for swapping with me, Lo! It was a pleasure, as always!

--Penny

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Review #18, by Gabriella Hunter Live A Little

27th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm really sorry that I'm so late. I would have gotten to this a lot sooner if I'd had the time but real life was a major pain. :D

So, things seemed to be going pretty well between Amos and Xandra in this chapter. I thought that there was something a little too smooth about him though and I wasn't really counting on him to stick around much. I got the feeling that Alex knew about that too and I was wondering why he wouldn't say anything, I guess he didn't want to hurt Xandra's feelings? What I liked about this chapter was that everyone has little crushes on so and so but things don't work out for all of them. I think that's something a lot of authors don't write very well, they seem to make all of their characters fall in love and stay in love with the same person. That doesn't necessarily happen to everyone at this age so I like what you've done here, it's very realistic. Xandra's girly side of course is adorable and the beginning of this chapter was hilarious, I wonder if they will make that Charms Club though. I would, just to shove it in Amos's face.

Anyway, I really liked all the detail and sub plots you put into the Quidditch game. I thought you wrote it very well and I'm curious to know more about Jackson and Kendra's relationship. I wonder what would happen if they just explored that a little? Hm...

Anyway, nice mention of Regulus in there too, I wonder if we'll see more of him. As usual, Sirius is his charming self and he it seems like he's really going for Xandra this time around. I like that she didn't immediately fall for his games either and simply walked away but it put her in the position of seeing Amos being a sleaze. I think she had some control because I would have punched him. >:(

Anyway, this ending was a bit of a cliffhanger but I'm looking forward to the next!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #19, by Penelope Inkwell Save A Broom

23rd September 2014:
Hey Lo! Glad to be back for another chapter!

So, can I just say how impressed I am? You are so good at describing action. I donít even feel like Iím reading. Everything plays out so naturally in front of my eyes that itís like Iím watching the story unfold on a screen. You add plenty of fun little details and images, which I love. And you just strike a great balance--you give the reader enough information to visualize the scene, but you donít inundate them with too many elements that donít add to the action. Thatís something that is hard to pull off, and I really applaud you for it. :D

I enjoyed seeing Alexandra interact with Lily. I like how theyíre starting out as friends of a sort, but not close ones, because itís something I havenít seen yet. I liked that bit you added in about the bean. That reminds me, I specifically wanted to point out that I loved that little detail about the bean almost rolling off the table. Itís such a minor thing. So many people wouldnít think to add that sort of detail, since it doesnít directly affect anything, but it adds realism to the story and really allows us to sink into it, and thatís huge. Ultimately, it does affect things, because itís stuff like that that is allowing me to picture the action so clearly.

So, Sirius is on the prowl. But I think Alexandra can hold her own. ; )

Loved the details in the magazine about the Quidditch wedding!

Poor Tom. Sounds like heís got a long way to go. At least he has a good Seeker on hand to learn from. A lot of people probably have to pick up positions once the former player has graduated and can no longer advise them, and that would really be hard on Keepers and Seekers, since theyíd have no one else to turn to for advice on that particular skill set. So, heís pretty lucky to have Alexandra around. Hopefully heíll improve in good time. He certainly provides some comedy. That image of Tom, exhausted, running away with both thumbs up in the air is adorable.

Also, way to fit in a song perfectly. Sirius chiming in with that line of the song? Perfect line, perfect timing.

That broom sounds amazing! Iíd want to check it out, too. Also, I kind of love that Alexandra is salivating over a broom, rather than the super dreamy Sirius Black. Itíd be good for him to have a girl who isnít won over by his mere (smirking) presence.

Treasurer of the Charms Club, huh? Trying to impress someone, Alexandra? Well, if Amos is anything like his son, I imagine he was quite a looker, and charming to boot. This line, ďIt was my pleasure. Iíll see you soon, Alexandra Jamieson, Ravenclaw beater and treasurer of the Charms club.Ē I just like his style. Interesting to see how that might play out.


CC:

Silver Arrows had been big in there day
--their, rather than "there"

ď[He] fell asleep while reading some geyser mag.Ē
--If you mean, like, a magazine for old men, itís spelled Ďgeezerí. I didnít know that, myself, though! Itís just that my first thought was a magazine about geysers, like Old Faithful, and I was confused. But then I thought you might mean something else, so I double-checked the spelling. And now Iíve learned something new!

"Fine by me, but you need to start living vicariously, love.Ē
--I donít know that vicariously is the right word here? To live vicariously is to live through other, more interesting people instead of doing interesting things for yourself. I think he may mean something more along the lines of living on the wild side?

***

I really enjoyed this chapter, Lo! Even better than the first one! Itís a cute, fun vibe, and I like the way youíre portraying the characters. Really nice work!

--Penny

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Review #20, by daliha Save A Broom

23rd September 2014:
You have a lovely fic here , I skipped the first chapter because it had so many reviews already, I love Alexandra she seems like a fun character and I've never read about a female beater before so that interesting, I also love how you characterize Sirius, he's playful but not a dog. And Amos Diggory seems pretty charming (I guess that's where Cedric got it from.) Also you had me laughing every time the save a broom line came up. I'm putting this on my to read list :)

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Review #21, by Gabriella Hunter Save A Broom

23rd September 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and it's really good to be back. It feels like ages since I was here but it really hasn't been that long. I'd been wanting to get back into this story though!

I really like how smoothly your pacing and flow is, this story was engrossing to read but didn't have any awkward chops or pauses. I'm really impressed by the style that you've chose to write this in as well, I'm able to get a clear picture of each character and their personalities are so strong that I really wouldn't mind just reading about them doing absolutely nothing in a scene.

What I like about this story the most so far is that it's not focusing on how gorgeous and talented Sirius is for our heroine. Usually by now in another story, Alexandra would already be in love with him and that's awfully boring, I like that there's a bit of rivalry between them and that she isn't impressed by his antics. I liked that she warmed up to him in this chapter a little (Or with his broom, really) but it wasn't overdone and they seemed like they could easily be friends if it weren't for Quidditch matches getting in the way.

I also liked your version of Lily as well. She's studious and hardworking but has a soft, gentle side to her but can have that little bit of spunk that I find to be really fun to read. You're not making her and Alexandra the best of friends either, which is something else that I'd like to see get developed but you write them both so well that I'm not at all in a rush.

I feel bad for Tom though, the poor thing might be dead by the time he finally catches that Snitch. I'm wishing him luck!

Like I said earlier, I liked the bonding moment that Alexandra had with Sirius. I think that if you're going to talk Quidditch, you should really know your brooms and the two of them have that in common. Also, that broom sounds AMAZING. I'd like a Nimbus 1001.

They also share a passion for music and while Sirius didn't explain how he knew how Hendrix was, I'm curious to know. I hope you go into more detail since his family is so against anything Muggle but Sirius has always been a rebel. A hunky rebel. Hahahah.

The ending made me wonder who Alexandra will eventually fall for and what you're leading up to with the appearance of Amos Diggory. Good use of canon there, wasn't expecting him! Alexandra is ridiculously cute too and I think it's a nice contrast to the "tom boy" edge that most would have used since she played Quidditch.

All in all, a great chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Gabbie! Another review! (Even though I requested it.) I'm super excited to see what you think!

I'm so glad you've been anticipating this! Aha, I really can't believe you said that about my characters. I could totally just have chapters dedicated to them doing nothing if you want? ;) It's an idea (and I just might go with it if it makes sense in the plot! Oh goodness you've given me bunnies).

I'm very focused on not making Sirius out to be the typical, exceptionally handsome playboy that every girl dreams about at night, so I'm glad you really like that. I really am trying to build up a sort of friendship before anything really happens. Which brings us to the broom √ʬĬď she is definitely more interested in the broom than him right now. :)

Lily I've had problems with in the past, so I'm glad you like her! Their friendship will develop somewhat near the end of the story if all goes according to plan, so it definitely isn't in the cards right away, but I'm happy you feel as though it doesn√ʬĬôt have to be rushed. That's a relief.

Tom is such a sweetie! I love him! I promise not to hurt him too much in Quidditch practice ;)

As for the broom, it is definitely something I would want in those years, and even now as an antique. But yes, both of them are pretty heavily dedicated to Quidditch, so they really should know these brooms.

The music thing will make a comeback, mostly in times of bonding and happiness :) and yes, Sirius is a hunky rebel.


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Review #22, by Penelope Inkwell The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

23rd September 2014:
Okay! Glad to have the chance to read something of yours again, Lo. Itís been an age.

Alexandra seems promising as an MC. Sheís not falsely modest, and she doesnít seem overconfident, both of which are refreshing in a Quidditch team member (so often they seem to think theyíre the hottest thing to touch a broom, or else theyíre totally blind to their abilities. Alexandra seems to have a nice balance.)

Lots of characters being introduced in this one, which can be a little tricky, but Iím sure weíll get to hear more about them later and that will help iron it out. I actually feel like I have a pretty good handle on whoís who, as far as the Ravenclaw Quidditch team goes, which is impressive. When youíre introducing a large group of characters like that, it can easily get out of hand, but I think youíve handled it well.

James Potter seems very...James Potter (pre-reform). I think youíve captured him well. He seems like someone who maybe doesnít outright intend to be cruel, but who is so in love with his own wit that he doesnít stop to think whether or not his jokes are too unkind.

I like what Iím seeing of the relationship between Charlie and Alexandra, though. They seem to have a very fun friendship.

-
CC:
Fond of them as I am myself, I donít think there are grits in the U.K. (I have been specifically asked to bring them when visiting friends living there, though. Itís a great tragedy that they lack such an essential breakfast item).
-

I enjoyed reading this chapter! Thanks for swapping with me!

--Penny

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Review #23, by AdinaPuff Upping The Ante

22nd September 2014:
Hi, here for our review swap!

Oh my gosh. I love this story! I'm going to favorite it as soon as I finish writing this review. The characters are great so far. Absolutely magnificent. Xandra is such a strong character, I admire her. She holds her own against those slimy Gryffindor boys (okay so I actually love those Gryffindor boys. But Alexandra doesn't!)

AHHH the whole time I loved Alex and now oh my gosh! I always ship the one who never gets the girl. That's how I roll, by some twisted fate. So, while I'd love this to be an Alex/Xandra story, I feel a Sirius/Xandra coming head on.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Update soon!

-Leigh

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Review #24, by ladyrae Upping The Ante

20th September 2014:
Ooooh I like!! Was hoping something would happen between Alexandra and Alex (even if it's a little weird that their names are so similar). Can't wait to see his reaction!! Great chapter.

Author's Response: Hi!

I know, the name thing *is* weird. Oh well. I'm excited myself for his reaction. Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

Lo :)


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Review #25, by Gabriella Hunter The Bouncing Properties of Dimes

19th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie here with our swap! I don't think we've spoken before so its nice to meet you and everything!

Okay, I am really amazed by how smoothly you managed to write this entire first chapter, especially since it mostly focuses on Quidditch. I tend to stray away from writing those sort of scenes because they're nothing but a headache but I really enjoyed what you did here, I was able to get really invested in the game and your characters are all so different and interesting that it really mixed well. I wasn't able to stop reading and I'm intrigued by Xandra and all of her team mates, I like all the details that you weaved in about their back story and goals as well. I really enjoyed Xandra in the beginning, fantasizing about winning the Cup, that seems like a really natural thing for a hard core sportswoman and it showed me that her character is really ambitious.

Also, that scene was pretty adorable.

Now, I was really impressed with the way that you wrote James and Sirius. Usually in these sort of stories there's way too much detail on how popular, handsome and all-around fantastic they are but the way you wrote them here just makes them seem so...ordinary. I got that they were pranksters of course and that they were talented but you wrote them more realistically and I enjoyed it very much. They seem grounded in reality in this chapter and while they're awfully arrogant, you don't linger on that so much as you do building up tension for later chapters. :D

By that ending though, I'm guessing that the competition between the two teams is just getting started! :D

I really enjoyed this!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi Gabbie!!

Okay, this was an awesome review swap, I really liked your story and I'm glad you enjoyed mine! :) It's great to meet you as well.

I've heard good things about my Quidditch writing so far, so I'm glad you think so as well. I really do love writing lose scenes, so it's always good to get compliments on them. :) And yes, Alexandra is really driven in that area.

As for those two marauders, I try and keep them as ordinary-Joe as possible, just because they *have* been so written about in such a godlike way. I'm glad you enjoyed them and I'm so happy that their arrogance was front-and-center. I had problems with that in my first rendition of this story, so I'm glad to see I pushed away from that.

You are totally right, the competition will amp up, and thank you so much for this wonderful review and this super fun review swap!

Lo :)


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