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Reading Reviews for Perfectly Pansy
  
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by pointless_proclamations A Proper Pureblood Witch

12th June 2015:
Beth!!

I really, really admire your alliterating abilities.

The most beautiful thing here is that you've made a character I thought I'd never be able to empathise with, empathiseable. The two sides of Pansy you show inspired the banner. One side is neat, pristine, clean, but as the story continues you find a broken-hearted human being.

Pansy has gone through so much negativity and she's been pushed away what seems like so many times an there is this contestant pressure to be perfect that it's hard, now, in your story, to not feel anything for her.

Beth, you are a beautiful, beautiful writer.

#TheBethEffect applies within this very story, Beth. You've made a Pansy easily empathiseable and your work is always a pleasure to read.

Cheers,
Em ♥

House Cup 2015 - Slytherin

Author's Response: Em,

My gosh - I'm so sorry I didn't respond to this sooner. I've let my unanswered reviews get out of hand and I didn't mean to let this one go.

Thank you so much! You're only the second person who made a banner for one of my stories actually leave a review for it (milominderbinder made the banner for How to Fly).

And I don't know if I've ever told you how PERFECT this banner is. I love how the words are cracked on one side - it totally captures the idea of Pansy's facade in this fic.

I feel like this story was one of the first that really got me out of my comfort zone to make me realize I could explore characters beyond Next Gen.

Thanks so much for this review!

♥ Beth


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Review #2, by Grainne Mhaol A Proper Pureblood Witch

8th March 2015:
Pfft, I was told I couldn't go to see because of my long hair, so I cut it all off, thereby earning my nickname. Just because society expects a certain thing doesn't mean we have to conform to it. Doubt my enemies expected a pirate queen either.

I would have expected by the late 20th century, we could have gotten beyond these expectations.

Pfft, what ridiculous advice. My effective methods of dealing with my enemies and my refusal to conform to a woman's role didn't prevent me from marrying.

I like the comment about how Harry always had to play the hero.

"You collect yourself with a deep inhale" sounds a little awkward. "You collect yourself, inhaling deeply" might sound better.

A secret alcove sounds useful. After all, you never know when you'll need to defend your castle from invaders.

I like the comment about how at least MacMillian is a pureblood.

"He's with us, Parkinson" should have a full stop after it, not a comma, as the next part is a new sentence.

Oh dear, I was just beginning to admire Pansy for getting that information out of Draco and then she starts talking about how she'll do anything he asks. *sighs* And without even finding out what he's doing. That's no way to run a conspiracy. Or a relationship either.

Oh, I didn't expect a letter to interrupt them at such a pivotal moment. I wonder what Bellatrix wants. While I do not agree with her politics, obviously, she is a woman who would make a formidable opponent!

I think you portrayed Pansy and Draco really well here. We get a really good insight into how she thinks and her relationship with him.

Author's Response: Hello there Ms. Mhaol!

I apologize for taking far too long to reply to this incredible review - and on International Women's Day, no less!

Haha - I would've expected us to move past women being treated as such also, but you know those purebloods, they hold tight to their archaic ideals.

Thanks so much for the corrections!

Yeah, Pansy is a bit desperate here, but I tried to convey that she was that way because of how she's been brought up. Thanks so much for this review!

♥ Beth


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Review #3, by TreacleTart A Proper Pureblood Witch

1st March 2015:
Hi Beth!

I'm here for our review swap!

So I have to tell you right away that this story made me nervous for two reasons. A. Because it's about Pansy. B. Alliteration That being said, you've handled both parts quite well.

Often times, when reading Fanfics about Pansy, I notice this theme of making her cruel just for the sake of being cruel. Most people are not this way in real life. The way the person is usually depends on who they are interacting with and what is going on, so I loved that you gave Pansy some vulnerability. She still held onto the Pureblood properness, but in a way that was believable. She is mean to the Gryffindors, amicable with Ernie, and compassionate with Draco. It made her so much more realistic.

In regards to alliteration, if it's not well written it can be really annoying and mess up the flow. You, however, have handled it in a very clever way. It really enhances the way Pansy sounds as she talks to herself. It sounds as if she is repeating lines from a self-help book for rich ladies.

Overall, I found this to be a very enjoyable read and something that took me a bit out of my comfort zone.

Thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hi there Kaitlin!

Wow. Thanks for this review - I really appreciated it. I was particularly nervous about this story because I also hated Pansy, but I was assigned her as part of a challenge entry, so I decided to make the best of it. I agree! I know that J.K. Rowling said that she hated Pansy as well, but I thought that there must be a reason why she acted the way that she did.

Haha - "Self-help book for rich ladies!" I love that. Pansy was a victim of her birthright - and expected to behave accordingly. The alliteration thing just sort of happened. J.K. used it a bit in her names of characters and I just took off with it. Admittedly, I had to keep the thesaurus open the entire time I was writing/editing this because I needed to come up with more "P" words.

Thanks again for the swap!

♥ Beth


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Review #4, by horcruxxx A Proper Pureblood Witch

20th February 2015:
I love fan fiction :D - had to say this, because your story was so amazing and unique and was everything fan fiction is about to me.

You decided take a go with Pansy, who in the books is an awful character and apart from wanting Draco, she seemed not feel and want anything else. Well, you include that in your story, but there is more to her than simple desire. In your story she is almost caring and fragile and always trying to rise to other people's expectations, which seems so hard for her. I would never expect Draco to feel something for her, but then it's the sixth book where nothing was as it seemed and Draco was under a lot of pressure.

I'm not the biggest fan of the second person POV stories, but I quite enjoyed reading yours. I guess there was enough amount of dialogue going on to distract me from the narrative ;) And even though I'm not a native speaker, I can see that your vocabulary is very rich and it makes me kind of jealous :D

Really enjoyed the story, stepping outside of your comfort zone was a good idea!

Monika

Author's Response: Hi there Monika!

Thanks for picking this story! It's one of my earlier ones and I was really finding my feet as a writer (I STILL am) and this was the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone - both in terms of POV and Character.

You're right about Draco - he's got far too much on his plate during this story to worry about Pansy's feelings.

Wow - I'm so glad you were able to enjoy the story even though it was second person POV. I actually wrote most of it in first person, but something just didn't seem right. Then there was a challenge on the forums and I tried second person and it just fit!

Thanks again - this review was awesome!

♥ Beth


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Review #5, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap A Proper Pureblood Witch

8th February 2015:
You perform the anti-swelling spell to restore the puffiness to perfection.

^ IF ONLY.

The proper pureblood witch never loses her poise and propriety.

^ You're just fantastic. This entire story was fantastic. I feel like I've been reading an overload of Pansy stories but you really got her for me. I actually felt a little sad and sorry for her because I sincerely believe that's what she had to try and live up to. I wonder what happened to her because as I read the scenes with her and Draco here's my what if question:

What if Pansy no longer fawned after Draco because his family lost favor with the Dark Lord and turned at the last minute. Do you think that could have had a little something to do with the two of them not getting together? I just feel like Jo had so many of the Potter characters we knew end up together and I know she hated Pansy but it could have happened, her and Draco, right?

I think what attracted me most to this story were the p's, they really worked well and you had everything flowing perfectly so I didn't feel like it was an overload though it probably was for you when you were writing it. You are such a versatile writer! I am jealous.

Author's Response: Hiya!

You write the absolute loveliest reviews! This was the second thing I've ever written (the first being my novel "Actions Speak Louder Than Words"). So, I was more than a little unsure of it.

You're right! J.K. did hate Pansy, and I wasn't exactly fond of her either, but I was assigned her as a part of the challenge and I am too stubborn to back out of it.

The "P" think just sort of took hold, but I was still having a hard time until I decided to make is second person point of view.

I like your thoughts on Pansy and Draco. I can totally see that happening. She was all about status and appearances.

Gah! Thanks so much! I was a bit worried that I went overboard with the P's. You're too kind!

♥ Beth


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Review #6, by toomanycurls A Proper Pureblood Witch

31st January 2015:
Beth!!

Pansy isn't a character I've connected with very well either but I love how you pulled her together. Your repetition of p words gave this a sort of rhythm - in my head it was almost some sort of free-style poem or rap. there's also a great sense of repeated actions and motions on her part where everything is just a formality to Pansy.

You showed her drive for perfect in a very interesting way. she was almost manic about being the prim and proper pureblood. You definitely got across that she's the queen bee in her group of Slytherin girls and that it's quite a bit of work to be (and stay) there. The letter she got from home also had a really good cadence to it (loved the pish posh bit). It's easy to imagine her mother in the same mold, living up to impossible expectations and pushing those same ideals down on her daughter.

I like that Pansy's parents would care about her grades. While it wouldn't be fun to get letters about them not being up to par, at times I felt some of the pureblood students are portrayed as going to Hogwarts for a Mrs. degree.

Pansy's relationship with Draco is fascinating to me. she adores him and is much more tolerant of his dismissive treatment than I can quite comprehend but you make that even understandable. Any attention from him is a feather in her cap. I was the most interested by their bit of kissing - he sees her as an escape from the present and to Pansy, Draco is her future. For the first time, I feel bad that they were not married.

I really loved this and the style you wrote it with.

-Rose

(bvb)

Author's Response: Hi there Rose!

This story means a lot to me, because it was the first thing that I wrote that pushed me in terms of my writing comfort zone. I had already written my novel and had never even considered doing anything else. Then I joined the forums and the wheels started turning. Admittedly, I haven't gone back to clean this up, but I'm kind of torn between the fact that it is a big part of my growth as a writer.

As I mentioned in my A/N, I really, really did not want to write Pansy, but in the end, I was glad that I pushed myself with this one.

Thanks again for this super sweet review!

♥ Beth


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Review #7, by marauderfan A Proper Pureblood Witch

20th October 2014:
Review tag!

Hi Beth! I loved this story - mainly because I adore seeing things from the eyes of a minor character, but also because second person adds such a wonderful effect to writing.

I thought you really got into Pansy's head well, and while I certainly don't like her any more, she is much more understandable - the way she acts is the product of persistent maxims and teachings she's been brought up with. She is trying to be a perfect pureblood witch and in pointing out all the things that go along with that - behaviour, appearance, who she sits with - you've done a remarkable job.

Also, the alliteration! I kind of tried to alliterate in my previous paragraph (and now this one too, heheh) but didn't do particularly well - How did you think of so many words that start with P? :p Anyway, it's great, and I think that subconsciously it adds to this effect of Pansy being the perfect pureblood princess. Really clever word choice throughout. :)

I like the way you showed the other characters through Pansy's eyes as well. Draco appears to be this dashing hero who saves Pansy in the corridor from the mean, fiery Gryffindors, whereas if this scene were from Harry's POV then the trio would not come across as so rude and Harry would have mentioned something about a sneer on Draco's face and Pansy looking horrifically smug, or something. It's really interesting the way different POV's almost make for a different story entirely.

Anyway, really well done on this! I notice in your A/N that you mentioned you were a little uncomfortable writing Pansy but it really doesn't show, you did a fantastic job with her. :)

Author's Response: Hey there!

Thanks so much for this! I always worry that I went overboard with the alliteration and it just makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief when someone likes it!

I don't really like Pansy either, but I was really glad that I had to write about her. I feel like this story sort of made me realize that I *could* be a better writer. I went out of my comfort zone - both with the character that I was assigned and the POV. I'm so glad you thought it worked ♥

I've actually taken some heat regarding the confrontation with the trio, but I really agree with you - it is Pansy's POV and she would think them rude and arrogant.

The alliteration part was actually not as difficult as writing Pansy. I did, however, have to use the thesaurus quite a bit :)

I'm so glad you liked this - thanks so much for this super-sweet review!

Beth


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Review #8, by Beeezie A Proper Pureblood Witch

1st September 2014:
Hey, I'm here to review for Team Bronze! :)

I really hated Pansy in the books (as did pretty much everyone else, I think), but this story caught my eye both because I was really curious to read your interpretation of her and because I think that tackling Pansy Parkinson and second person narration all at once deserves some serious kudos.

I was not disappointed.

I loved your prose; the alliteration was a really nice touch. The general tenor of the story was a little compulsive, and the alliteration added to that without overdoing it.

I also liked the way you handled Pansy's character. She's clearly not a very good person, and I didn't feel particularly sympathetic toward her, but she also didn't feel like a caricature. I thought that you walked the line between caricature of a villain and sugar coating her very well.

One of the moments that stuck out to me the most was in the first section: Daphne looks the most passable - you will place yourself next to her. That says so much about Pansy's attachment to status and how much her self-worth is wrapped up in her appearance - especially since you follow it up with the letter from her mother and her assumption that her appearance is stopping Draco from noticing her. It's really sad, but depressingly realistic.

Tiny nitpick:

I felt like the confrontation with the Trio was a tiny bit overdone - Pansy herself was fine, but their reactions seemed a bit off to me. Hermione didn't really say anything at all, and Ron's temper in particular seemed to rise strangely quickly, even for him; if Pansy had insulted someone, sure, but she only took a few points from Harry and alluded to danger outside of Hogwarts. It just didn't seem worth actually threatening to jinx/hex/curse/whatever her. Neither of those things were exactly news, and it's not even like she threatened him.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this. Excellent job!

Author's Response: Hiya!

Thanks for reviewing this story! I'm glad you liked it. I was worried about the alliteration, but it seemed to just sort of happen. I really felt like I needed a way to give Pansy a motivation for her despicable actions. I didn't want it to be an excuse, but maybe a little bit of understanding.

You're not the first person to comment on the confrontation with the trio. I think that it might seem a bit harsh because it's from Pansy's perspective. She was always going to hate them and, in her eyes, they are more than intolerable.

Thanks again for this awesome review!

Beth


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Review #9, by newgenerationlover A Proper Pureblood Witch

7th July 2014:
Hello! Great story! I loved the alliteration throughout the story as well as the second person which gave the whole thing a much more personal touch. Gah! You made me have feelings for Pansy! Bad you!! :P Anyway, you did a great job making a very unlikable character likable. You set up a great story where Pansy is trapped in her own society, always having to be 'prim and proper,' where no one can show any weakness at all which is terrible. Great job!
-Mary
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi Mary!

I'm so glad you liked the story. I really don't like Pansy, either. I was assigned her character as part of a challenge and instead of writing her as evil, I thought really hard about her reasons for behaving so badly. Perhaps she was a victim herself. Thanks again!


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Review #10, by lumos_knox A Proper Pureblood Witch

5th July 2014:
Hi! Here again for another review for the review battle.

I couldn't tell this was out of your comfort zone, actually. I think you got Pansy just right, all her primping, her biting remarks and her feelings for Draco. There's lots of brilliant technique in here that enhance the story.

The description used in here was very good, although a little extra of Pansy's surroundings wouldn't go amiss. Maybe some descriptions of, say, the colour of Pansy's hair, her eyes, etc. I like how you described Draco and dropped little clues as to his struggles and discomforts.

I can really see Pansy in this story. You've captured her just right, a little princess. Not to mention the 'p' alliteration. That was a clever touch, and it all tied in with the alliterated name Pansy Parkinson, primping and princess. Try saying that five times really fast. :)

Once again, like I noted in my other review, spot on grammar and spelling checks which is always a bonus.

This was an excellent story I really enjoyed. You got the right amount of emotions, romance and characterization in here to create a interesting and touching story.

Lauren

Author's Response: Hello again!

Two reviews! That was so unexpected. I apologize for taking so long to respond. I've gotten a little caught up in the house cup.

The "P" alliteration just sort of happened. I'm really pleased with how it turned out. really liked your cc about the descriptions and I'm going to take another look at the story.

I was so glad that you liked it - I did work hard on trying to understand Pansy and why she always acted like such a complete jerk to everyone.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #11, by adluvshp A Proper Pureblood Witch

4th July 2014:
Hey! Here for review swap!

I always like reading about under-written characters, especially Slytherin ones. I like how you wrote Pansy here, the whole thing about looking perfect, and the ordeal with Draco, it was all shown very well. You even made me feel sorry for her, especially at the end with her tears falling. It was surely a powerful ending.

The interactions throughout were also interesting, with different characters and Draco, and Pansy's characterisation was consistent throughout. It was kind of sad how she kept reminding herself of all things she needs to do being a "perfect pureblood witch" instead of just being able to be herself.

Draco's brief moments of pain were also shown nicely and it was sweet how Pansy wanted to help him, and how Draco almost let her before the letter came.

The over all narrative was smooth and easy to read, even if it was in second person. There were a few places where the "you" in the narrative was directed at someone else though (like at Harry, Hermione and Ron, and at Draco). In a second-person piece, the 'you' in the narrative is only supposed to refer to the main character (Pansy). But I guess they were slip-ups which can be fixed easily.

Apart from that, this was a very good piece of writing and I really liked reading. Great job!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello!

My apologies for taking far to long to respond to this. I definitely appreciated this review - it was so kind and helpful!

As I said in the author's note, I did NOT want to write about Pansy. I've always thought she was a completely horrible character. J.K. even said that she hated her. So I figured there must be a REASON why she behaves so awful all the time.

Thank you so much for the second person POV notes - I will definitely take a look at that.

Thanks for doing the swap - I will do one with you anytime!

Beth


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Review #12, by emmacweasley A Proper Pureblood Witch

13th June 2014:
This is the first thing I've ever read from Pansy's POV, or even with her being a positive character. I feel like this really gives insight to why she acts the way she does, and it's not boring insight, either. It gives us a glimpse of the pureblood machine the kids are expected to be a part of, and it's really important to see the way that the pureblooded society affects women, since that's something that's often neglected in canon.

As for the writing itself, I thought it was extremely lovely. It was simple, and that's certainly not a negative critique as simple eloquence is certainly valid and important. The repetition that occurs here offers a poetic texture to it all, and it's really lovely to read.

The only thing I didn't like, however, was the part about Cho Chang crying. She's such a stereotyped character already, and since we're working through all of Pansy's stereotypes here, I just didn't expect one about Cho to be involved. I feel like you could do a lot more with description, here, and it would add so much to the story.

Overall, I'm thoroughly impressed with this piece of writing. I don't often enjoy one-shots as much as I ought to, and this one once again proved that I need to read more of them. :) Thanks for writing it! It was a lovely read.

Author's Response: Hi Emma,

Thanks for reviewing this story! I actually had fun writing it - after I got over the fact that I had to write Pansy (I was assigned her character as part of a challenge). I really didn't like Pansy in the books, as she was such a bully. But, when I sat down to write this, I had to come up with a reason for her meanness.

Other's have commented on Cho as well. I may take the opportunity to go back and look at that. Technically, Cho wasn't in the same year as Pansy and they shouldn't have been in the same class. (I'm really embarrassed for not realizing that when I wrote this!)

Thanks again for the great review!

Beth


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Review #13, by Lululuna A Proper Pureblood Witch

26th May 2014:
Hello! :)

This was such an interesting story, and I liked reading your author's note and how you went out of your comfort zone with Pansy. I think you captured her character so well but also managed to add new depth to her which fits well with her personality. She's both so dislikable, but also pitiable, and I can see why she is the way she is.

This was a really interesting story stylistically as well. I loved the repeated alliteration of the P sounds and the short sentences - the story really had a rhythm, like Pansy plodding through her average day, and that rhythm really added to the cyclical nature of the story and of her relationship with Draco. The use of second person was very effective here as well and helped me relate to Pansy even more, it felt so natural that I didn't even notice it throughout the story, which I think is the goal with writing in second person.

This actually made me ship Draco and Pansy more, usually she seems more like a ridiculous character but this showed how her adoration leads to her putting her own feelings on the line and putting out all her energy for her partner, not for herself. The ending, where she was crying and feeling like she failed, was so heartbreaking in how her facade sort of disappears, but she's still planning ahead for tomorrow. Her mother just seemed awful too though I did love the "pish posh."

This was such a great story and exploration into Pansy, I really enjoyed it! :D Well done! :)

Author's Response: Hi Lululuna,

I was so excited to see that you reviewed one of my stories! I did have a REALLY hard time writing it at first. The "P" alliteration just sort of happened, but I couldn't make the story work until I turned it to second person POV.

I actually let this one roll around in my head for several days before writing it, because I HAD to come up with a reason why Pansy was such a miserable character.

Pansy knows she isn't the brightest witch, or the most clever, so she is clinging on to Draco with all she has.

Glad to hear you liked the "pish posh" - I wasn't sure if that part would come off as confusing.

Thank you so much!

~Beth


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Review #14, by Illuminate A Proper Pureblood Witch

25th May 2014:
Hi! Review Tag!

This is really great oneshot! I thought it was so clever how you kept using alliteration to make your point- it makes perfect sense while reading it and you pick the perfect P words to put across what you're proclaiming (see what I did there? xD)

Pansy is also a character I've never had much connection with, but you write her very well. It's easy to see how she's so pressured and feels she must be a "proper" Pureblood and a good prospective wife for Draco. It's clear how much she feels for him.

I really like the poetic way you wrote this too, and the choice of writing it in second-person, as it adds more uniqueness to the story and also enhances the isolation Pansy experiences.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks so much for this lovely review! I was really worried about the alliteration going overboard, but the responses have been really positive. I had a really hard time writing this until I entered the second person POV challenge and it worked so well!

I felt like I understood Pansy a little better after writing this, so I'm happy to hear that you did as well.

Thanks again!

~Beth


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Review #15, by CambAngst A Proper Pureblood Witch

2nd May 2014:
Hi, Beth! Tagging you from Review Tag!

I hope you don't mind that I picked one of your one-shots instead of your main WIP. Sometimes I like to ease into things when it comes to an author I've not read before.

I saw that this was a challenge entry and I think the first thing I have to say is among the highest praise a challenge entry can receive: this didn't read like a challenge entry. Challenge entries usually have a certain awkwardness to them, because the author is writing outside of their comfort zone or trying to incorporate themes or prompts. This story felt very natural, like something that had been stewing in your mind for a while before its time came. After finishing the body of it, I honestly could not have guessed what the parameters for the challenge were. That's a very good thing!

I would also challenge your assertion that you don't have much of a connection to Pansy. I think you wrote her brilliantly. You captured her passion for perfection and propriety -- good lord, you even have me doing that! -- in a way that didn't seem cartoonish or superficial. This isn't a game to her. She really believes that she needs to be this completely artificial, flawless person if she's going to capture Draco's heart and live the life that she's meant to live. She lives it every moment of every day, seemingly to the exclusion of all else. Yet underneath she's obviously struggling, suffering. I love the way you tied the anti-swelling spell at the beginning of the story together with the ending. That was subtle and awesome.

Near the beginning, I could have sworn that the repetition of the letter P was going to be your downfall. I couldn't imagine how you were going to keep that up throughout the story without it starting to sound absurd. My hat is off to you, you did it. You seemed to know all the right moments to fade in and out of it, letting it be pronounced in Pansy's brief, punchy inner thoughts without having it dominate the narrative or descriptions. That was really clever.

I'd probably be remiss if I didn't mention poor Draco. You were really true to his book characterization in this, giving the reader a peek of that tortured soul be became during the events of HBP. It nearly gives Pansy the entree she needs to get past his emotional armor. I think she fails because she's trying so hard to help him succeed but on the inside, he doesn't really want to succeed. So she just becomes one more person putting uncomfortable pressure on him. Or maybe I read too much into that. ;)

I didn't see a single typo or misspelling in this. You wrote it really well and it flowed beautifully. Great job!

Author's Response: Hi Dan!

Wow! I said that I was nervous to write a review for you, but truthfully, I was more nervous that you would write one for me! I just feel that my writing is still very much at a developmental stage - but thank you!

I'm really glad you liked this! I was assigned Pansy as a part of a challenge called "A Normal Day in the Life of..." and I am pretty sure I was the only one who entered it! - not even judged. I did actually let it rattle around my brain for several days before I started writing it. I knew Pansy was portrayed as just plain mean and J.K. has even said she is one of her least favorite characters. No one likes the mean girl - especially me, so I had to reconcile that there was a reason behind her actions and I couldn't convince myself that it was ONLY because she wanted to be Draco's girlfriend.

The letter P thing just sort of happened. I was worried it would be my downfall, too! Thanks for putting my mind at ease. I spent the entire two weeks it took me to write this with the thesaurus open, trying to get the right words!

I was also really excited to see that you liked my characterization of Draco! I know you are a big fan of being true to J.K.'s version so I take that as a huge compliment. I wasn't really implying that Draco and Pansy fail because he doesn't want to succeed in his given task, but because he is too controlled by his family to think past his own problems. However, your analysis sounds much better - I'll take it! Haha!

Thanks again for the great review Dan!

Beth


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Review #16, by LightLeviosa5443 A Proper Pureblood Witch

18th April 2014:
Hi hon! Here for the BvB!!

I really liked this. I liked the way you portrayed Pansy and the voice you gave her. I think it was really interesting and made me sympathize with Pansy just a little bit more. I really enjoyed the way the characters talked to each other, and how Pansy kept trying so hard to impress Draco. I kind of felt bad, because we all know it doesn't end in her favor with Draco.

I really enjoyed the interactions with the golden trio, too. I feel like the random outbursts and nasty conversations would be seem like a nuisance and waste of time to Pansy and Draco. I liked the way that she kept referring to herself as a perfect proper witch, and things like that, as well.

This was really great. I really really enjoyed it. Wonderful job Beth!!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Hi Sarah,

Thanks so much! I was given Pansy as part of a challenge and it took me at least a week to come up with this idea. I thought that there must be some reason why she was such a bully.

I really appreciate your feedback because I feel like I am still a new writer and am unsure if my writing is really saying what I want it to.

Once I thought about it a little bit, Pansy probably had a lot of pressure on her from the pureblood background. They seemed so steeped in their tradition that she would probably be pressured to find a husband before graduation.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #17, by Infinityx A Proper Pureblood Witch

17th April 2014:
Hello!

This is the first story I've read centered around Pansy, and I must say that you've done a fabulous job writing it. It was a deep somberness that overcame me as I finished reading the last line. I don't think any of us imagined her life to be that way - the perfect Pureblood. It was extremely heart wrenching to read. :(

She has all her bad traits, the way she made Cho cry, and baited the trio and all that, but on the other hand, she's doing what she's been taught and what's expected of her. That little glimpse of the letter which her mother sent really gave an understanding of their relationship. Poor Pansy! :(

Then there's Draco. I don't know whether she loves him, or she's just trying to please her mother by going after a worthy Pureblood. But whatever it may be, she cares for him deeply, and it was tragic to see the way she was pushed aside and used as well.

I love how you've written this. It was so powerful and full of emotion. I got them feels. :( Great job!

~Erin

Huffleclaw - Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: Hi Erin,

First off, I want to apologize for taking so long to respond to this review. I've been super busy playing quidditch ;)

Thank you so much for the kind words! I still consider myself a new writer and I don't always know if I'm doing a decent job of saying what I want. So I was really excited to see that you liked it - and understood it!!

Thanks so much!

Beth


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Review #18, by kenpo A Proper Pureblood Witch

7th April 2014:
Hey, here for the BvB battle!

This was awesome. I don't know if I've ever read a Pansy story before, but I'm totally on board with how you've chosen to portray her. You've given us a few levels to think about, which I think is really cool.

On one hand, she's just a bully. They way you showed her picking on Cho was brilliant. She wasn't just saying random stuff to be mean to random people. She selected Cho because he was already fragile... how mean!

But then the way you hinted at the relationship with her mother, and being expected to find a suitable mate, and be a proper pureblood witch... you almost feel bad for her. But you don't. But you almost do, just a little.

Then there's her relationship wtih Draco, which is just a whole other fascinating beast... I've always wondered about those two. The way that she was sad that he wasn't at breakfast was interesting.

I also really liked the beginning, how she's so judgemental. Not only of other, but of herself. She feels that she needs to have a perfect appearance.

Speaking of perfect... have I mentioned how much I love the repetition of the "p"? I thought it fit really nicely into the story and gave it a sort of rhythm that I thought worked really well.

This was a really cool story, nice job!

Author's Response: Hi Kenpo,

Wow! Thank you for such a wonderful review! I'm so glad you liked the story. It makes me so excited to see that someone picked up on all of the points I was trying to put into the writing. This was one of the best reviews I have ever gotten.

Thank you so much for letting me know you like the alliteration with the "P." I was really worried that it would be too much - or people would think I was being silly.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #19, by Lostmyheart A Proper Pureblood Witch

7th April 2014:
Hi!

When I saw this, I instantly knew this was the story I wanted to review. I have a weakness for Pansy, which seems to be the opposite of you, hehe :)

Even though you felt that you had no connection with Pansy, this story was very believable and seemed true to her character. I loved that you wrote it from her POV, where it felt like we were her and did all those things. Pushed the plate, thinking of Draco, reading her mothers letter etc.

That letter confused me a little, for a moment I really thought her mother wrote pish posh! Haha. God, I felt silly.

I really liked those lines you came up with, 'a proper pureblood witch'. It was almost as if she kept reminding herself what her mother taught her to be like, and that she did her best to fulfill those duties. Almost like a robot, actually... That's kind of sad.

I loved so many little details, like these:
Your heart palpitates. Draco places a protective arm around your shoulders and pilots you away from Potter's clan.

"Tut-tut, Weasley. You've got to learn to keep that temper in check. I was raised to treat women with respect. Or were you too busy trying to fight your brothers for every morsel of food to learn any manners in that hovel you call a home?" His voice is shaky, as if something has upset him. You take note of it. The proper pureblood witch plans to show her partner he is the center of her life.

They were so brilliant and well-written - like the rest of the story, but I loved these the most.

I think this story gives a great view of the life of a young witch from a rich pureblood family, where they have high standards and it seems like Pansy is having a hard time trying to live up to them. It was a nice take on her.

Anyway, my conclusion is: I loved your story!

Big hug,
Avi

Author's Response: Hi Avi,

Thank so much! I feel like you really understood what I was trying to say in the story and it got me so excited - especially the part about the pressure of being a pureblood.

I laughed when you mentioned the letter - because I wasn't sure I should write it that way. I am trying to think of a way to fix it - maybe I'll just take the (pish posh) out. Every time I proof read the story, that part made me cringe a little bit.

Again, thank for the fantastic review!!

~Beth


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Review #20, by patronus_charm A Proper Pureblood Witch

5th April 2014:
Hi, here with your challenge review!

Pansyís characterisation was really interesting here. It was something Iíve never really seen before as it usually tends to be her being the girly girl or her being pitied as itís after the war, but here it was more in touch with her evil, darker side and that was so much fun. I could really see how she connected with Draco there as they held so much contempt for Gryffindors and the Weasleys that it made me laugh so much that they fitted so well with one another.

I really liked the use of second person pov too, because it sort of made me question whether this vile side was really Pansy or whether thereís something else lurking in there which could reveal another side to her. It almost acted as a mask for her, hiding each move she made and that was a really interesting thing to do and made me read it in a different way.

You included such a range of characters in this from Milicent to Ernie Macmillian I really have to applaud you for making them all have a purpose and fitting them into a relatively small one-shot. My favourite cameo appearance as such was Draco as it was so interesting to see them interact. Again, this was another take on Pansy by showing that Draco cared for her and wanted to be with her as he revealed that secret to her and kissed her rather passionately shall we say and it was almost rather sweet seeing these evil people finding solace in one another :P

This was such an interesting one-shot and thank you for submitting it to the challenge!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana,

Thanks for the review - and thank you for coming up with the challenge. I originally started writing this for another challenge and my first choice was already taken so I got "stuck" with Pansy. I tried for weeks to write it, but it just wasn't working. I saw your challenge and started toying around with second person POV and the story started flowing!

I really wanted to portray Pansy as a character who had been brainwashed to act a certain way and was expected to behave according to her parents' ideals. I hope it came across.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #21, by XxImAgInAiReXx A Proper Pureblood Witch

5th April 2014:
I really enjoyed this. I don't have much of a connection with Pansy either, and I think your take on her character was surprisingly accurate. I really liked how her obsession with Draco how we see it in the books in movies is explained here-she's striving to be the perfect pureblood witch. And I liked how your pureblood values made sense. I think a lot of the times fan fiction writers forget that purebloods are people who thought what they were doing was right and tried to be better within that belief.

One of the things I wasn't quite on board with was the characterization of Ron, and how on both occasions he seemed ready to attack Pansy. I don't know, it seemed off to me. Maybe just a few harsh words from him would have made it more believable. Also, Harry was basically mute here, besides holding Ron back. I feel he would've been a little more vocal. But anyway, that's just my opinion and the story isn't really about them.

At the end, when she started crying, I had trouble thinking of why she would cry. In the rest of the story, it seemed like she was being a perfect pureblood. A good thing to remedy this is to show her failing a bit more, or at least show her caring that she fails, if only mildly. In other words, if you're going to have her cry at night you should definitely make sure the reader knows why. I could figure it out, but not right away.

Besides that, the pacing of the story is great and I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the great review! I'm glad you felt that I accurately portrayed Pansy. She was not easy to write and it took me quite a while to figure out a way to make her sympathetic (at least a little bit).

Thank you for sharing your feelings on Ron's character. I chose to emphasize his short-temper and zero-tolerance of everything Slytherin. Also, I felt that Ron was always quick to anger when it came to Hermione being threatened. Maybe he wasn't so violent in the books, but from Pansy's point of view, he was a real bad guy?

I chose to make Pansy cry at the end because she cries herself to sleep every night (at the beginning she was anti-swelling her eyes). The pressures of being a proper pureblood are so great that they consume every moment of her day. As she drifts off to sleep it becomes too much.

Again, thanks so much for the review!

Beth


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Review #22, by maraudertimes A Proper Pureblood Witch

3rd April 2014:
Hi! Review swap!

This was cool! I never really read about Pansy, but this was positively refreshing! It showed her more vile side, when she interacted with the Gryffindors and then also a little bit with her dorm mates, but I really loved how everything really came down to Draco, and she's really just a love-sick teenage girl. Also, the tidbits about her mother and that's the way she is was really nice and gave an extra dimension to Pansy's character and the story in general.

The scenes with Draco were good, my only problem would be that he seems a little bit too open with someone who isn't part of the Dark Lord's army, although considering he's a teenage boy in the army and Pansy is his girlfriend, I suppose that's to be expected. I did like the kissing her to forget, because it kind of shows that the relationship wasn't just one-sided.

The only thing I really had a problem with was that Cho Chang should not have been in Pansy's Potions class, because she's a year older than Harry and the gang and would have been in seventh year in the time you're writing in, so she wouldn't have been in a sixth year Potions class.

Other than that, this was very nicely written and it was a cute little one-shot that kind of exposed the goodness that even people portrayed as villains can express. Good job!

Lo:)

Author's Response: Hello Lo!

Thank you so much for the kind review! I really appreciate the notes. I am so embarrassed about Cho (I wish I could post that little emoticon with the smiley hiding behind the couch)! I will definitely fix that.

Also, I think you are right about Draco and I have some ideas about how to make him seem more withdrawn - and less open.

Thank you so much for doing the review swap. It was fun!

Beth


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Review #23, by Lisa A Proper Pureblood Witch

3rd April 2014:
I really liked it! I've wondered what it would be like between Pansy and Draco and I think your explaination is really good. You made me feel bad for both of them. Great job!

Author's Response: Hi Lisa!

Thank you so much! I was really nervous about how believable the story was - your review really cheered me up.

Thanks!

Beth


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