Reading Reviews for Sorted
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by May The Painted Ladies

8th December 2016:
Another great chapter poor Lily getting detention on first night James should have taken her back with the cloak

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Review #2, by May Expelliarmus

8th December 2016:
Really enjoying this story as I said in another review Lily is one of my favourite characters

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Review #3, by May Detention

8th December 2016:
I hope you continue with this story Lily is one of my favourite characters in the potter world

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Review #4, by May The Painted Ladies

8th December 2016:
Another great chapter poor Lily getting detention on first night James should have taken her back with the cloak

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Review #5, by May The Sorting

8th December 2016:
I found the part where Lily was getting mad at the photo really funny made me laugh great chapter

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Review #6, by Emily Expelliarmus

6th October 2015:
PS, "tea" is misspelled
Love, Emily

Author's Response: Thank you for reading!

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Review #7, by gloriousbooks Expelliarmus

2nd July 2015:
Wow! This story is REALLY addicting! Your writing style makes me want to keep reading along, and it keeps your readers engaged in the storyline and characters. Also, I think you are doing an amazing job creating the personalities of the different characters. Rafi is a great OC: I like his character so much because you do a great job making his personality unique. Many stories that I have read have Good characters, but this one stands out to me. So thank you, thank you for giving me a breath of fresh air with your characters! I hope you keep writing this story- It has a ton of potential! 10/10! Bravo!

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for the lovely review!! I try hard to make my characters engaging so your comments really mean a lot.

I have been so slow with this story, I couldn't believe I had a new review today. (THANK YOU!) I've had another story on my mind lately, but you've made we want to switch back to Sorted. No guarantees on speed... grad school has been kicking my butt lately... but I promise I WILL finish the story eventually.

Thanks again for reading and taking the time to review! You are just too sweet! :D

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Review #8, by Ohpl Expelliarmus

9th March 2015:
So glad you updated.I really enjoy this story.I am looking forward to Lily actually reading the letters from her parents.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you are enjoying the story :)

And don't worry, she'll read them eventually!

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Review #9, by miss author Expelliarmus

9th March 2015:
I always liked the idea of Harry's children, especially Lily (for some reason) in Slytherin. I like her visit at Hagrid's hut and her conversation with James (in the first chapter). Please update!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I will probably be slow to update because I am in grad school as well as working and it's hard to make time to write, but I will update eventually. I promise! :)

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Review #10, by Hugh O'Neill. The Sorting

9th March 2015:
You never really know where you'll end up in life. Little did I know that I would end my life in Rome, far from my own native land.

Being separated from those with whom you expected to spend your life is something with which I was familiar.

I must say both Slytherin and Gryffindor appeal to be as houses. Courage needs to be wielded with a certain amount of deviousness if it is to be successful. Not that my own career ended too successfully, but when things were going well, I made ample use of diplomacy.

And she definitely appears ambitious. Hmm, Minister for Magic, eh? I was once the most powerful lord in Ireland. It's certainly a fulfilling way to spend one's life.

Love the line about James looking as if he'd been told Voldemort was his grandfather.

It will be interesting to see how Harry and Ginny react, but judging by Harry's comment to Albus, their reaction is unlikely to be a negative one.

I like the fact that Bartholomew appears unaware of Harry and Ron getting into the Slytherin common room as kids. Even though they're famous, it's pretty unlikely everybody'd know about EVERYTHING they ever did in their lives and certainly nobody knew about it at the time, and since it didn't lead to any major revelations, I can't imagine it would be too well known to the general public.

And of course it makes sense that some Slytherins would be displeased at the thought of having a Potter in their house. Some of them are likely to be the children, grandchildren, grand-nieces and nephews of Death Eaters and have family members who were killed or imprisoned because of the actions of the Order. They probably wouldn't think too kindly of him. Of course, there are probably family members of Death Eaters in every house, but Slytherin might well have more than its fair share due to its emphasis on blood purity.

In the sentence "my parents' friends were Aurors," the comma should be after the "s" in "parents" as there is more than one parent.

And that is sad about Lily's father almost giving his life for an equality that hasn't yet been achieved. Changes rarely take place overnight though.

Author's Response: Thank you for the thoughtful review! Rome is a beautiful city - you are lucky to call it home.
If you continue with the story, I hope you enjoy it!
Thanks again

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Review #11, by Ohpl Detention

17th September 2014:
Really enjoying your story.Are you planning on updating soon ?

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really glad you like it!! Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to write at the moment because of my work schedule, but I do plan to continue when I finally have a chance...
Reviews always make me smile... maybe I can squeeze in some writing tomorrow, just for you :)

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Review #12, by Patti Detention

26th June 2014:
How much longer until the next chapter?? I've been checking back for over a month! Can't wait!

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, this made my day! There are so many stories I check all the time - I will have to remember to leave a few reviews tonight and spread the love! And I will try to get the next chapter up soon. I am so glad you are enjoying the story!


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Review #13, by TidalDragon Detention

16th May 2014:
Here I am once more!

I thought the content and flow of this chapter was good. You handled the classes with enough detail to give us a better idea of Professor Quinn and who (at least seems) to have magical aptitude among the Slytherins I assume we'll be seeing a lot of. It did not feel like filler, at least not to me, so I wouldn't worry much about that.

As far as the remainder, I found the interaction with Rafi decent - though it is somewhat surprising if he's ambitious like a Slytherin that he wouldn't have made himself more aware of the magical world he was entering - certainly enough to know the name of arguably the most famous living wizard and the dark wizard he defeated. But him being a muggleborn Slytherin was a nice twist and I think it makes a nice connection for Lily in her new house who could be a friend that really understands her position more than her other housemates ever could (or would care to). Most importantly, I finally got the hook I was looking for - why this changed perspective? Why is Lily being in Slytherin important and not just novelty for novelty's sake? The last paragraph and line drove it home - so success.

The only downside to this chapter was it seemed like you might have written it a bit more hurriedly than the earlier ones. Typos crept in and your word choice and descriptions just didn't seem as purposeful and strong. Perhaps a shot to get a series of chapters into the queue in quick succession (or simply your overflowing muse) fueled this, but just be careful in the future. You set a good standard with the approach you took in the first two chapters and so keeping it up will be paramount, since you've set yourself a higher bar to work with/against from the outset.

Overall, I think your story is developing nicely. Most importantly, it's believable that you're telling it from a first year's perspective so far. I enjoyed reading! Feel free to PM if you have any questions!

Author's Response: Oh, you saved the best for last! I am so glad you've enjoyed the story!! it's very kind of you to say I set a high bar.

In regards to this chapter, I think you hit the nail on the head with the mention of my "overflowing muse." I will have to go back and edit this one.

I also questions the believability of Rafi not knowing about the war. After all, Nat thought he'd be in Ravenclaw (and she is very astute), so you'd think he would read about it. But it was a lot of fun to write her surprise - maybe I got carried away. It would be a fairly big change to make in the chapter, but it would be worth it. Something to consider!

Writing from a 1st year's POV is a bit strange. I'm relieved you find it believable. It's interesting that you consider that most important.

Thank you so SO much for all three of your reviews! I found them thoughtful and definitely helpful. I may take you up on the offer to PM (and you might wish you hadn't said that, haha :D)

Have a wonderful weekend!

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Review #14, by TidalDragon The Painted Ladies

16th May 2014:
Hello again!

So more of the inner conflict. And it boils into a dream that drives her to seek confirmation from family that she's still loved. I'll confess I'm not too sure even that would drive a frightened first year into the darkened halls of Hogwarts, but you made the journey feel believable. Especially the part where Lily pretended to be in Gryffindor - she's still really yearning for belonging isn't she?

You've also taken a different portrayal of James than we usually see as our first genuine look at him is as a tender, loving older brother. I thought that scene was nicely done. And I also liked how you incorporated the paintings helping Lily find her way.

Overall, good work building on the foundation you laid in Chapter 1.

See you in Chapter 3!

Author's Response: Hello again to you!

Hmm, you make a good point. Roaming Hogwarts at night is not something to take lightly. Maybe I will come up with a way of upping her motivation.

I LOVED writing the scene with James, I've very glad you liked that part! He has s soft spot for his sister.

Thanks again for the review! On to #3!


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Review #15, by TidalDragon The Sorting

16th May 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to fill your request!

Well! LILY going Slytherin is certainly something different in the Next-Gen era. I have to say I like how you set it up with her inner thoughts being so Gryffindor-directed, but so clearly tinged with indicators that she was destined for Slytherin (even if you hadn't tipped your hand).

I also liked that you made her sorting into Slytherin cause conflict within her. So many times a Next-Gen fic sorts a Weasley or Potter child into a house other than Gryffindor and then explores their "different" journey with them as the MC, without every having them experience any conflict over it (aside from dealing with ribbing from the others). I think what you've done is much more believable, especially coupling it with some Slytherins being skeptical of Lily and some still being blood purists.

As far as the nitty-gritty of the writing itself, I thought your word choice was largely solid and the dialogue was well done and age appropriate. The chapter flowed nicely as well.

In terms of something to examine going forward, I'd look at the places that have a lot of characters moving or doing things or performing actions while speaking. It wasn't prominent, but for me some of these areas were a bit weaker. You used a lot of commas in them and since they were written in a very unfussed style they frequently seemed a bit "busy". The best example I can give of what I'm talking about is in the last page or so, beginning with "Nat started to respond..."

All in all though, a good start. I'll have to keep reading to answer your critical question of whether it drew me in. I'm definitely not turned off, and I'm pleased you're doing things differently than most, but I'll be looking to the next chapter to complete the sales pitch.

See you there!

Author's Response: Hello, TidalDragon!

Logging in to see 3 new reviews just put the hugest smile on my face! (I know it was a request, but still, haha.) Yay!

Thank you for all of the nice things you said. I think I know what you mean about the parts the combine dialogue and action. I try to avoid "talking heads" but I really enjoy writing dialogue. When I try to add things to "balance" (ineffectively) the dialogue, it can get kind of bogged down. I will work on that!

Thanks again!
Off to read and answer your other reviews :)

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Review #16, by Patti The Sorting

15th May 2014:
Awesome--just the sort of continuation I was looking for. A lot of good humor and conflict. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked it!! More is on the way :) Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #17, by masterhasgivendobbyasock The Sorting

3rd April 2014:
So, Lily is in Slytherin.
Interesting. Very interesting.
I like Nat. Good sense of humor.
No, Min, you cannot hang pictures of James!!!
I think Harry and Ginny will be okay with her being Slytherin. Well, more Harry than Ginny.
But Albus and James...

Who knows?!

Can't wait for the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I agree that Harry will understand, but of course she assumes the worst. You will get more of her brothers' reactions in the next chapter :)

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Review #18, by LightLeviosa5443 The Sorting

3rd April 2014:

I was being weird and looking at the new requests on TDA and saw this story. It sounds so interesting! I'm really captivated by what you have so far. I really like how you have the other girls react to Lily, and have Natalie become her friend! It's a really cute, and unique story and I'm loving what you're doing with it so far! I can't wait for Harry to find out, and for us to learn more about Lily's transition into being a Slytherin. Great placement and explanation, too!

I loved the scene where the girls were guessing who would end up in what house. It was cute and so believable, I mean, it's something I would probably do!! I also really really loved the way that you added the aire of mystery with Rafi. I'm so curious what his story is and how you intend to build upon him and what we know so far! Was it his dad sitting at the table talking to Neville?

Really great job, hon! Update soon!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing! I am really excited about this story - I am so so happy somebody read chapter one and enjoyed it! The next chapter is mostly finished, so you shouldn't have too long to wait :)
Thanks again! MM
p.s. I love looking at TDA, especially filled requests. The artists are amazing!

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