Reading Reviews for Make That Girl Mine
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Ten Plagues of Egypt : One one

31st March 2015:
I come with fire and with flame, to see if you are worthy of being spared from the great calamities.

Selected has been your story:-

Make That Girl Mine


Analysis:

Such a sweet little tale.

With the families still divided the lovers must marry in secret.

Dreams has Scorpius of making it up to his love someday, with the grand wedding at the ancestral home of her heart, but for now needs must and the service has to go ahead with as few impediments as possible. The selection of a Muggle service is a clever way of achieving your aims and provides a setting that requires little further description or detail.

For as we discover at the end, the new life for them both together, heralds the genuine start of a new life.

Their families will just have to live with the fait accompli of a marriage which joins the two houses and a new life which cements that bond. If they cannot still bear for the two to be together, then I fear that will be their loss. One gets the impression that the two of them have done so much together without their families, that they will just keep on doing so with only regards as too the happiness of themselves and their child.

At least some of the family will love and support them.


Judgement:

A sweet and logical conclusion to the scenario that would happen if the two families just couldn't put their differences behind them in the face of the true love of the pair.

Author's Response: oooh hello! this is such a creative, interesting review. and also quite a surprise - this is one of my oldest (if not the oldest!) fics on the archives wowow

I actually don't rate this oneshot much anymore but I'm glad you enjoyed it ^.^ it's pretty basic -- I think I would describe it as 'nice' and nothing much more ahah

thank you for the review!

- jess, xo


 Report Review

Review #2, by TidalDragon one

8th July 2014:
Howdy!

What I found intriguing about this story first of all is that it bucked the trend of using Scorpius and Rose as a means for the Weasleys and/or Potters and the Malfoys to well and truly bury the hatchet. I know that works for some people, and I think if developed well enough it could make sense, but for me it usually isn't and it was refreshing for you to take an approach that it might not be possible - even to the extent they had to elope!

I thought the marriage scene was fairly well done. I would have been interested to know what led Rose to want a Muggle ceremony, but that's a minor point. Did you write the vows, taking inspiration from other sources or had you heard them used before? They were a bit different, but simpler and yet deeper in some ways and I appreciated that.

The one thing that struck me at the end was the pregnancy bombshell. I suppose I just didn't think it was necessary, but to each their own - and of course you are the architect of the story.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hey,

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :) I'm sorry I don't have the time to respond more thoroughly but I'll answer a few points quickly.

In a round about way, I did write the vows, but I won't claim credit for them since I looked at very a many sources online and different variations of people's vows. It was a few online strung together coupled with my own words.

The pregnancy bombshell almost didn't happen... it was a snap decision right at the end, and perhaps this affects how well it flows into the story.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!!

xo


 Report Review

Review #3, by Lostmyheart one

14th May 2014:
Hi!

I'm finally here for your requested review.
I love ScoRose stories and I was so happy when you requested a review for this story of yours.
I really enjoyed reading it. At first it was a little confusing, as I didn't know what was happening. Was he planning to propose to her, was he going to tell her something important or are they about to get married? Of course it was the last one!
The story flow was very good, it was easy and enjoyable to read. And I can't stop but wanting to read more about their story. You've come up with an amazing plot you can create so much out of. I've never read a ScoRose were they've eloped.

Scorpius was very sweet in the beginning, so scared whether or not Rose was there. It's clear that he loves her very much, and she him.

It would be a great choice to make this into a short story. You've written this one-shot quite well and I would love to read the rest of it, once it's validated :)
I hope you found this review helpful, and feel free to re-request, a new story or when the rest is up :)

- Avi

Author's Response: Hey! Don't say 'finally' - it really didn't take that long :)

Ah, I can see where you are coming from with it being a little confusing for the reader at first. I'll consider editing this slightly to correct this. I'm so glad you think the plot is so good :) I really do think I am going to make it into a short story over the summer.

Thank you for the review! I really appreciate it and it was indeed helpful.

- Jess xo


 Report Review

Review #4, by randomwriter one

5th April 2014:
Hello :) I saw you around on the forums, and I thought I'd take a look at your Author's Page. ScoRose is my absolute favourite, and I was really glad to see that you'd done a one-shot :)

This was a really sweet story. It was warm and fluffy and it certainly gave me the fuzzies! ^_^ I've been reading a lot of angst, and only recently did I pick up fluff again, and I must say that this did make me feel good :) So, well done there.

As for the plot and characterisation, I think you've done a great job. The theme of the story and how you've portrayed them was cliched, but you've wielded it well.And I, for one, don't mind cliches at all when they're done well, and when I'm in the mood :p

The story flowed well as well! I loved the vows. They were really sweet :) What you could do to improve it slightly (and to make it longer, as you wished) is perhaps give us a little more background. Talk about the relationship between their families, their reactions to the two of them dating, how they became close, what Rose's ideal wedding would be like and so on and so forth. Give us more material. Flesh it, add more description and it will certainly enhance your already-pretty-good story :)

I really liked this one, and in response to your author's note, I'd love to read more stories like these. I haven't really read your other stories to compare though :p

Good job, and keep it up :)

Author's Response: Well hello there! So glad you took the time to read and review.

ScoRose is one of my favourites too! Second only to Jily, but I'm a much bigger fan of Next Gen fics.

Aww I'm glad it made you feel all nice and fuzzy, haha. What a great feeling.

I'm definitely going to take your notes on how to improve/lengthen on board. I think they're really useful! I think I may come back to this and use some of your tips to edit etc. So thank you!

Also, thank you again for reviewing,

-Jess x


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login