Reading Reviews for Flawless
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Prime Potter Flawless

6th September 2014:
Beautiful story! It made me feel very Bill- Fleur ish. :D Its hard to write about Fleur but you did it wonderfully well. And you have some lovely description and imagery. Great story!

Author's Response: Once you understand what she is like, Fleur isn't that hard to write about. I read JKR's descriptions of her in GoF as well as HBP and that made it much easier.

Thank you so much!

Ashwini


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Review #2, by blackballet Flawless

19th June 2014:
Oh my gosh! I never even considered Bill/Fleur because I don't really like Fleur, but now it makes me so happy! My absolute favorite part is the last couple of lines. They really wrap together Fleur's thoughts really well.

I think that in some spots you were a bit rambly, like when she spoke about her family. I didn't find it relevant to the task, and it distracted a bit from the point of the story. Other than that, I really enjoyed this.

My favorite part is that Bill doesn't seem to expect that she will tell him why she loves him. I think that's a great part of his personality that you pulled in slyly. He believes her on her word, and doesn't need reasons. She feels obligated to give him reasons because she just realized why she loves him, and is desperate to voice them.

Thanks so much for pointing me towards this one shot on the forums!

Author's Response: Oh, really? :O Bill/Fleur is one of my most favorite ships from the series. But I'm glad you gave the pairing a shot and my story made you like it! That's kind of the best compliment for me. :)

Well, thoughts never take one direction in my opinion. They tend to ramble. In this story, I had to write her whole thought process. I hope you get what I was thinking about!

Yeah, that's the difference between both of them. Also, Bill had told her why he loves her for so many times that she was too eager to return the favor. :)

I'm so happy you enjoyed my story! Thanks for the lovely review!

Ashwini


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Review #3, by bellatrixlestrange123 Flawless

9th May 2014:
I'm so sorry this is a little late but I'm here with our review swap!

OK, so I love this! From the very outset it was so brilliantly heartfelt and warm to read! The feelings that you created for Fleur to embody - I think we've all been there with those feelings so it was a very relatable read, and that's always a good thing!

Also, you had such good imagery in there too! ' An inky black sky peppered with stars' is simple yet effective and I loved it! (Feeling a little jealous right now :p )

I think writing about how Bill got his scars and Fleur's feelings towards it was a wonderful path to go down, and then tying it in with love and person appearances just all seemed to fit in very well! And my did you make Bill charming!

Haha, keep up the great work!

Bella x

Author's Response: Here I am more late than you were! So sorry for the wait. :( Real life was evil and I didn't have enough time for HPFF. But anyways I hope this one makes up for it!

Wow, I'm so glad you liked it so much! I'm usually comfortable with writing angst and mystery so it makes me a little more happier to receive compliments for a fluffy story. :)

Hahaha don't be jealous! ;) You can also create great imagery by painting the scene before writing it down. I used to have problems with descriptions too!

Thank you! :) I've wanted to write Bill/Fleur for ages but never really had the chance to. This plot seemed perfect for the Taylor Swift lyrics I was given and also the colour pink and the feeling of love that I wrote it down. I'm glad you enjoyed it overall!

Thanks for the amazing review and again sorry for the late!

Ashwini


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Review #4, by Aphoride Flawless

12th April 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :)

So I recently wrote a Bill/Fleur as well, and I do love the pairing so when I saw this on your page I knew I had to stop by! :)

I love how well the quote and the colour suit them as a pairing - I honestly didn't realise this was written for any particular challenge at all until I got to the bottom and saw the author's note :P

I really like how you characterised Fleur - she's still retained the slightly haughty edge from the books, like she knows she's better than everyone around her, but you've tempered it so well with her being caring and sweet and completely in love with Bill and unconcerned, really, for what he looks like because she realises and knows that, in ways, he's better than she is and, perhaps, arguably more perfect. I love that contrast between them and how she thinks that she wants to be like Bill rather almost than like herself... it's such a sweet thing to say, and you manage to avoid it sounding self-deprecating and keep it as more that she admires him and thinks he's amazing, you know?

Your writing in this was lovely, too. There was so much great description and so any lovely little details - like how Fleur had persuaded Molly to go home and get some sleep, and how Bill had woken up before... they're little things but they add things to the story and Fleur's character, you know? The only thing I would say is that you might want to read it over again or get a quick beta/friend to look it over for you, because there were a few places where the grammar was wrong (commas in the wrong places, for example) or the phrasing was a bit odd. I know there were a handful of instances I noticed, but I can't quite remember where any of them were, sorry! But a read through should pick up most of them, I think ;)

Your writing is so lovely, too! I love how so much of it is description and an inner monologue - it works so well with the subject matter and how you've characterised Fleur. It's got such a smooth style and feel to it, it's great!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much for the read and the swap - it was really great! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Aph! Lovely to see ya! :D

I love Bill/ Fleur too! They are always so sweet! And besides, their love was true. :) They make a beautiful couple. :)

Aww, thank you! I was a little worried about writing a story for two challenges.

I'm so glad you liked Fleur! She's not that much hard as a character, but in this story, it was difficult to justify her love for Bill and how he was 'the kind of flawless she wished she could be'. That's why it took like three months for the idea to be written down in words. :)

I think the relation between Molly and Fleur became much better after Fleur accepted Bill with all his flaws. That's why I believe that Molly was persuaded to take rest by Fleur and Arthur. :) Feels great to know you liked the little details!

I totally know about the small mistakes. I'll look over this as soon as possible. :)

Thanks for the review swap and the awesome review!

Ashwini


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Review #5, by LightLeviosa5443 Flawless

8th April 2014:
Ahhh!

Bill/Fleur feels! I was feeling very Fleur-tastic today, so I chose to read this, and I'm so glad I did! You've so appropriately titled this, and I'm so in love with the voice you've written it in. I really loved the way that Fleur thought back through everything, as to why she would, does, love him. I thought it was so sweet, and endearing. We all know that she said "I'm pretty enough for the both of us" so for her to admit that, and to not understand why she loved him just felt so human to me.

I think one of my favourite parts was when she told him to be quiet and said let me tell you why I love you. THE CUTENESS I'M LIKE DYING FROM IT. GAH.

Really really lovely job on this, hon! Thanks for review swapping with me!

xoxo Sarah ♥

Author's Response: Sarah! :D

Haha, I'm glad you were feeling 'Fleur-tastic' that day! I am looking for some feedback on this new one-shot of mine. :)

Well, I'm not bragging, but I love the title too. :P It came into my head the moment I received the quote 'the kind of flawless I wish I could be.' and I decided that I should go with it. :) I had the concept clear in my mind, but I took a little time deciding between Bill/Fleur and Remus/Tonks. I went with B/F as I'd written the other before and I'm so glad you enjoyed that!

Haha, yup that was a really cute part! XD Especially for me. But I'm just happy I wrote fluff and you liked that!

Thank you so much Sarah!!

Ashwini


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Review #6, by CP Flawless

7th April 2014:
Beautiful story! I loved the title, it's so gorgeous. Fleur was nicely characterized and also the banner goes with the plot perfectly. :)

Author's Response: Hello CP! It was lovely to see you around for this story too. :)

I'm not bragging, but I love the title too! It came into my mind the moment I was given the quote- 'The kind of flawless I wish I could be.' It's a beautiful one, really. :P

I'm glad you liked Fleur! She was a bit hard to write and I was a little worried.

I LOVE THE BANNER!!! It's the most gorgeous one I have.

Thanks for the review!

Ashwini


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Review #7, by MaeAndRee14 Flawless

3rd April 2014:
Hi Ashwini! Now you must forgive me! I'm so so sorry! I'm so late for our review swap! Sorry!

I loved this! Can I just say, that I'm seeing a lot more fluff in your work? And I LOVE IT! Btw, cant wait for the next chapter of TTD!

The emotions! Girl, so not fair to have so many gorgeous emotions in such a perfectly written story!! I don't know what to say! Speechless! Love it! The thoughts on how he wasn't flawless but he was flawless to her was so gorgeous!! and the ending! perfection!! the "who says I don't want your body" haha! Hilarious! and really really suited to the story!!

I would just recommend putting a tiny bit more description of feelings in? Other than that, i don't have anything!!

Really great job Ashwini! And I so so sorry that this is so late (and short!)!

-Curie :)

Author's Response: Curie! :D

How can I not forgive you? This review was so nice! :D It made up for being late. ;)

Yes, I'm trying to write fluff a little more to get comfortable with it and be versatile with writing. Or maybe I'm doing that because I chat with you? XD

OMG thank you so much Curie! You make me blush, you make me cry. I don't know what to say. I am speechless. Just... Thanks! :')

I'll surely think about adding more description of feelings. :)

Thanks again!

Ashwini


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Review #8, by Penelope Inkwell Flawless

31st March 2014:
Hey! Penny here for the review swap!

First off, good choice of song. Classic Taylor Swift. I approve ;)

Second, I’m fond of stories that explore Fleur’s character. She comes across as a little snobby here (as she often does in the books), but she realizes what’s most important in the end, which I like.

I also liked the idea of what you’re exploring here with Fleur. Of course, she makes such a bold declaration in the books when Mrs. Weasley questions her about her love for Bill. But Fleur was obviously a catch--part Veela, Triwizard champion. And she’s also quite proud. So it makes sense that, as much as she ends up loving Bill, at some point she would question if he was what she really wanted, and that’s an interesting premise for a one-shot.

CC:

"She believed that love is unconditional and it just happens.”
--You switch tenses here. It would be more correct to say, “She believed that love was unconditional. It just happened.”

"The night was still and so was the hospital wing. The air was chilly and the inky black sky peppered with stars. The moon was slightly covered by a wispy cloud, adding to the darkness. The white walls of the hospital wing stood out against the darkness, filling the room with a soothing calmness.”
--This is a nice description . I really like the words you’ve chosen. However, beginning each sentence with “the” kind of distracts from that. If you mix up your sentence structure a little here, it will really highlight the lovely picture you’ve painted.

"thoughts were whirling like a whirlwind”
--That’s a smidge repetitive, “whirling” and “whirlwind”. May I suggest “spinning” like a whirlwind?

"nor did she plan to get married when she hadn’t met him.”
--I didn’t actually understand what this meant.

"She craved for his company.”
--No “for” necessary. Just, “She craved his company.”

"It was like clear that she was in love, but she wouldn’t admit it for one silly reason.”
--This is a bit confusing, since in the first sentence she claims that she’s fallen in love with Bill. She’s already admitted it.

"who was used to dress herself”
--“dress” should be “dressing”.

Writing two challenge pieces in one is always tricky, and my hat is off to you for doing it, Ashwini, because I have never been so brave. Way to go in pulling all that together, and I wish you luck in the challenge!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry for the late response. RL was pretty busy this time. :(

Haha, thanks! Actually, I love her classics more and this quote is one of my favorites. I couldn't resist writing something on it. ;)

Well, she is a bit snobby! I mean that's sort of a part of her character, isn't it? I wanted her to be real so couldn't help adding it. XD

I agree with you! Fleur was very close to the word 'flawless' and she knows that. So it's pretty natural that the question I have explored hits her mind at some point. :)

Okay... Thanks for the CC! I appreciate that. :) Will correct the errors as soon as I can. :D

I know, it's pretty much tricky! But I'm glad you liked it! :)

Thanks for the wishes and the lovely review! That really made my day!!

Ashwini


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Review #9, by TidalDragon Flawless

30th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request.

As an aside before I begin, it was wild that you sent me a review request for this piece because I saw your status and read it almost right before you posted in my thread. I would have reviewed immediately, but I decided to go in order in my thread and then re-read and review for you.

ANYWAY, I really like the idea here. I actually like Fleur as a character (what little we see) and I was always intrigued by why she, a witch who could probably have her choice of any wizard, chose Bill Weasley.

I think you chose the perfect moment to have her reflect on this as it would naturally make her very introspective and pensive and really force her to wrestle with her relationship with Bill. I thought in light of that you also ended up characterizing her very well in that she believably finds an answer to a deep question she is truly confronting for the first time and displays the same courageous love that she does in canon.

As a big fan of "symmetry" particularly where quotes are involved, I also liked that you brought Bill's reason for loving Fleur back around to being Fleur's reason for loving Bill. It was a nice touch that brought the piece full circle and was especially interesting in that you also managed to take her admiration one step further than the initial sentiment Bill expressed.

The one thing I did note was that I think the titular word "flawless" was perhaps a tad overused. I know it's always a delicate dance, especially if it's also part of a line you're using for a challenge, but I'd maybe find a way to use synonyms or at least synonymous lines of thought a couple of more times to replace the word. That's just me though.

All in all I thought it was a well-written tale that did Fleur justice and explained a question I have thought about myself before in a believable, canonical way. So good on you!

Author's Response: Haha, that was a great coincidence! But I'm really happy you wanted to read this before I even requested a review. :)

Fleur is one of my most favorite characters from the series and I was glad when she returned to the plot as Bill's love interest in HBP. Since then, Bill/Fleur has been one of my favorite ships too. I too wondered what might have made her fall in love with Bill and the lyrics from the awesome Taylor sort of fit perfectly for my plunny. :)

Yes, that moment is perfect for such kind of realization. I was just sort of worried that the answer she finds is a bit unsettling, so I'm just happy to know you don't think so! :D

Thank you! Quotes are extremely hard to write a one-shot with, so this is like the best compliment I have received for this one-shot. :)

I know the word has been overused at some places, but I just did that to emphasize how Bill insisted on 'flawless' even though there were similar words. That's all. If you still think it is too much, you can PM me. :)

Thanks for the lovely review! You really made my day! :D

Ashwini


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Review #10, by missclaire17 Flawless

29th March 2014:
I love Fleur's examination of why she loved Bill. It's something that people are always afraid of doing, examinign why they love a person, because they think that it would mean they don't truly love that person. To me, though, the way that Fleur was able to accept her own flaws (despite Bill calling her flawless) meant her being able to see how Bill was flawless in his own way. Fleur saying that Bill is the kind of flawless that she wished she could be is really true.

One thing: the sentence "He wasn’t flawless, he was the kind of flawless she wished she could be." is a run-on sentence. You should correct it to be, "He wasn't flawless. He was the kind of flawless she wished she could be." or "He wasn't flawless; he was the kind of flawless she wished she could be." :)

Wonderful job.
Claire

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by! :D

I totally agree with you. People are afraid of examining why they love a person and so was Fleur. The conclusion she found was sudden and it sort of came to her mind that particular night. :)

Of course, Fleur knew Bill was exaggerating about her being flawless. Actually, the same thing goes about him too. Fleur too must be the 'flawless he wished he could be'.

I'm glad the idea of Bill being the kind of flawless she wished she could be made sense!

Thanks for pointing that out! I'd look after it a bit. :)

Thanks for the lovely review!

Ashwini


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