Reading Reviews for low tide
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maskedmuggle a meditation

12th July 2014:
Hey!

:( This was so amazingly written though. Stories about George alone reminiscing about Fred always make me feel sad but you wrote this in a way that had a sense of peace and serenity about it, which was really lovely. I really liked the plot of this, with George, Lee and Angelina going to a quiet beach to reflect on things. I thought you did a fantastic job characterising George - all the thoughts were so perfect, especially those memories he had with Fred.. ♥ I thought you did an excellent job of using second person POV in this fic to a really great effect. Your writing was really beautiful in this, I really felt such a calming atmosphere from the words you chose. Really amazing :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for saying this was amazing, I'm flattered! ♥ I'm glad you took away a sense of serenity from this, as I was kind of going for an overarching theme of meditativeness and hope despite the bad memories of the war, and the funny memories with Fred. It means so much to me that you liked the characterisation of George as well, especially since here he's so different to how he was in the books with Fred around. Thank you so, so much for your compliments about my writing, that's so sweet of you! ♥ Thanks for your review!

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Review #2, by Beeezie a meditation

12th July 2014:
Oooh, your description. As I read, I felt like I could smell the salt air and hear the waves on the beach. It was a little jarring to read on and see that the beach, far from putting George in a blissful, relaxed mood, was reminding him of Fred. I can understand it, though, and I really like that you chose this setting to explore his feelings. Given how close they were and what their personalities were like, I can very easily see George having a hard time with activities that are normally fairly carefree and happy because he associates them with his brother. His decision not to join in with Angelina and Lee when they were making the sand castle made a lot of sense, and I was left wondering whether there would be other things that George will sit out because he wanted to keep those associations with his brother... and whether he'd be able to let them go as more time passed.

This was really thought-provoking. Thanks!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks, I'm so glad the descriptions were immersing enough to make you smell the air and hear the waves. I do love descriptions so this is such a wonderful thing to hear about them :) And it's lovely to hear that his actions and feelings made sense given the situation too. Maybe George will be able to let things go after more time. I left it ambiguous intentionally, to leave it up to the reader to decide. Personally, I think that eventually he is able to let go - it's not like he's ever truly letting go of the memory of Fred, after all.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and thank you for your thoughtful review!!!


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Review #3, by Pretense Of Perfection a meditation

11th July 2014:
Wow, I'm totally not sure whether I should be laughing or crying right now, as this was a wonderful story. I think you set the scene really well in the beginning, and with the descriptions of the five senses and what each of them are experiencing at any given point. It really set the tone for the one-shot, although I still haven't decided exactly what that is yet. I think your choice of second person POV is impressive, it probably wouldn't have been mine, since I'm terrible at it, but you somehow managed to pull it off quite nicely. I felt as if I could've been sitting there on the beach with the, contemplating the meaning of life and missing my lost loved ones. I think my favorite part overall though, would have to be the descriptions of the beach and the ocean. You managed to capture the very essence of the shore, and I love the analogies you made between that and life and death, both the subtle and the simple. Overall it was very poignant, and an absolute delight to read.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Hi! Aw, thank you so much for this sweet review! I really appreciate what you said about the five senses (as I was trying to incorporate the senses in a big way) and honestly I'm glad you said you weren't sure how you feel at the end, whether the tone was happy or sad or both. I think it was that way for George too.

I had never tried second person POV before this, so that is wonderful to hear that it worked! And I am so happy to hear that you liked the descriptions of the ocean and the symbolism of life and death.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! ♡


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Review #4, by Karou_Marauder a meditation

10th July 2014:
Hello!

The sea-theme throughout is so powerful. Water is a constant flow, an endless cycle, and that captures George's emotions so well.

That dead piece of seaweed at the start was great imagery, and you linked it well. One of the things I like here is how every tiny little thing associates with a memory to do with Fred or the Battle, and how George isn't crying he's just breathing and focusing on the constant, eternal waves and focusing on living. Fred would want that.

"Between you and the boulder are a few trails of small footprints in the sand; you wonder whether a new group of carefree children is discovering the tide, or if the impressions in the sand are faded images from the past, where you and Fred walked years ago." I particularly like this part here, and how George isn't sure whether the footprints are real or not. It shows us how he's still attached to Fred, still half-living in his memories - but he's laughing at Angelina, and we see he's not completely drowned in grief.

This is a very powerful one-shot. Every word really does count, and I think that's amazing.

-Karou, 2014 House Cup Review

Author's Response: Hello! It's wonderful to hear you say that the sea theme is powerful. There is a certain calm in the power and cycles of the ocean, and it was no coincidence that I chose to set the fic at the beach.

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked the memories and how everything linked together from the memories to the seaweed on the shore. You picked up on all the subtle things in this story and that is so lovely to see :) Your interpretations of the story are wonderful too! I really appreciate that you called this story powerful - that's an incredible compliment. Thank you so much for your kind review! ♥


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Review #5, by nott theodore a meditation

10th July 2014:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed this piece, it was so powerful and had such an impact, which was fantastic when it was just 500 words and written for the every word counts challenge! And there was no dialogue at all either, but you still managed to convey a lot of emotion through this piece.

Actually, this story combined a lot of my favourite things. I love second person and Fred and/or George stories. You captured George's character so well in this and I just felt so sorry for him, the fact that he'd lost his twin and his best friend and then he's also grieving so much. Every little thing here reminds him of Fred, like something as simple as building a sandcastle, which is meant to be happy. I thought Lee and Angelina were well portrayed as well, and I'm glad that they were so understanding at the fact that George chose not to take part in the end.

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Sian! I am still in awe of the fact that you managed to do nearly 400 reviews for the HC, I think you are secretly a witch and accomplished everything with the use of magic. I'm jealous. How was Hogwarts? :p

Anyway. Thank you so much! It means so much to get compliments like this from you because you're such an amazing writer yourself! I'm so glad to hear that this was powerful.

I'd never tried second person before this, and found that I really love writing in that POV! And wow, thanks, I'm flattered that you think this was a good portrayal of George. It was odd writing a very not-humourous George :( I think he'd be kind of stuck in his memories for a while, but luckily his friends don't push him to recover any faster than he can.

Thank you so much for your review!! ♥


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Review #6, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing a meditation

9th July 2014:
Hey there!

Wow, this was so packed full of emotion, I just wanted to cry. You put so much sorrow and grief into this I'm just amazed, and with no dialogue and just 500 words that's pretty darn amazing! Your descriptions are so vivid in this, I pictured it all...
The tide flowing and the sand castle. I almost felt like I could smell the sea too! I love it with the imagery is as detailed as this so kudos to you!

I was so sad when George made the comments about he last time he did things were with Fred! It broke my heart... I felt so so sorry for him, I can't even imagine losing a sibling and a twin at that. I think you did a great job of dealing with that emotion though. I'm a little bit glad he didn't build the sandcastle, so he and Fred still share that. It was nice that lee and Angelina were so understanding too.

Great one shot!
Lauren :)
House cup review 2014

Author's Response: Lauren ♥ Thank you!! Ah, I am so glad to hear that the descriptions were so vivid, that is 100% what I was going for in writing this, was kind of getting in tune with the five senses and all that - so it's lovely to hear that I succeeded.

The sandcastle bit was because I think George is still in this kind of transition phase where he is recovering but isn't fully ready to live life without Fred yet - I'm so glad to hear that you connected with that. Lee and Angelina are great, I always felt that they were both close to the twins so they would be particularly understanding of George.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!!


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Review #7, by True Author a meditation

9th July 2014:
Oh my God, what a touching story! :( The grief and the sorrow is so vivid that it touches you greatly. You did a very good job with the emotions. I loved them!

You have effectively stated how Fred and George were always together and now Fred's death has created a hollow in his brother's life. The second person PoV worked well with the plot too. I'm kind of inspired to write a one-shot in second person PoV too. :)

I liked how nice and understanding Angelina was. And the last sentence was extremely beautiful. So meaningful!

Loved this!

Ashwini

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!! This story was kind of just an exploration of feeling so I am so glad to hear that the emotions were effective in this.

You really should try second-person sometime if you haven't already, it's a lot of fun to try! It is challenging but I really loved writing in that POV. I'm so happy to hear that you liked the effect it had on the story!

Angelina and Lee would have lost a lot too with Fred being one of their best friends, so I figured they'd understand George pretty well. The last sentence was one of my favourites as well, I'm glad you appreciated it! Thanks so much for your sweet review! ♥


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Review #8, by TidalDragon a meditation

8th July 2014:
Howdy!

I thought this story was so well done! It was short, but very impactful because you chose your words so carefully and really honed in on the key moments and George's reflections on them.

The best part about those reflections was that they seemed completely natural as well. I think too often when people write about George's thoughts after Fred's death, they force these grand thoughts or use elaborate prose to describe simple ones. Your strength was letting them be simple and stay simple. For me, this made the most sense because when someone has been important to you (especially as important AND ever-present as a twin) I think you're bound to remember them in even things that would seem mundane or unremarkable to most.

I also enjoyed the way you ended with the thoughts about the footprint at the swallowing sand castle. It was a nice tie in with the title, mood, and message of the piece and capped it off beautifully.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so, so much! I am so thrilled that you pointed out the word choice - the 500 word challenge was difficult for me as I have a tendency to ramble, but it really forced me to cut out all unnecessary words and really think about each word - so it means a lot that you noticed that. Thank you!

I'm glad you liked the simplicity. George never seemed like the type of person to have grand, elaborate thoughts, and in my mind this takes place some time after the war when the wound is not as fresh anymore. You said that perfectly about how George remembers Fred in the most mundane circumstances.

I'm so glad you liked the ending about the footprints and the sand castle, that's lovely to hear :)

Thank you for reading and for your amazing review!!


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Review #9, by jessicalorewrites a meditation

7th July 2014:
Hi!

My heart is broken. Completely, irreparably broken.

I hate reading fics post-war because that means Fred is no longer there and it was just so painful reading about George's grief. I can see that Angelina and Lee are definitely too very good friends that are going to stick by him no matter what -- very cute.

What I liked most of all was all the little hints to past visits on the beach. Like the rock that Ron got stuck on and the footprints in the sand. In a way, it is a very bittersweet chapter.

Well done on managing to pull on my heartstrings like this in such a short amount of words!! It's been wonderful reading this.

xo

{House Cup 2014 Review - Gryffindor}

Author's Response: I'm sorry to break hearts, I really am :( But it means a lot to me that you were touched by this!

I thought that memories would definitely come up because most everything that George did before, Fred was there too, and they were happy times. I'm glad you got a kind of bittersweet feeling from this with the combination of funny memories and the sadness in the present.

I am so glad you enjoyed this story and that it was meaningful despite being short. Thank you so much for your review! xo


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Review #10, by ginerva_molly_weasley a meditation

14th June 2014:
Oh marauderfan. This is beautiful.

I don't read many second pov stories because I find sometimes its quite hard to follow but this was so well written I didn't have that problem.

Your theme of tide and change came through all the way through the story and I loved the fact that you made it seem like a memorial gathering with Angelina and Lee without it sounding too morbid. Whilst remembering Fred but also with George moving on in a way with the tide washing over the castle, knocking down the past so something new could be built there.

I absolubtely loved it!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad it was easy to follow and that you liked it despite not reading much second person.

Aw, I like that idea of it feeling like a memorial gathering, that's lovely. And it is wonderful to hear that you felt the dual themes of memory/reflecting and of moving on conveyed through the tide, I like your interpretation. Thank you for such a nice review!


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Review #11, by HEG a meditation

12th June 2014:
Hello!

Aww, this is such a sweet little story. Its kind of sad too the memories and that. I really love how you have described everything. The one shot has a nice flow. Also, I like your use of second person PoV because I have never read it written like that before. It was very well shortened into 500 words because that can be quite difficult sometimes. The only thing that I would say is that it lacked in a little detail - more about what they were doing etc. Other than that, very well done!

HEG

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked this story. Thank you, it's so good to hear that you liked the flow and the POV! This was my first try at second person so it was a new style for me, and the flow was one of the things I focused on the most so I am glad you pointed it out! :) As for details about what people were doing - the piece is meant to be somewhat meditative and so it's not so much about what they're doing, just what George is thinking and feeling. He's not really doing anything. So basically, it's intentional. I hope that didn't take away from the story too much for you!
Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #12, by navyfail a meditation

30th May 2014:
Hello, I'm Sama! I'm here from the review exchange!

First off, how you used so few words but still managed to make this one-shot so effective in message and emotion is amazing!

I absolutely love how you weaved all these small little memories into your words. The fish and chips, the sand castle, the boulder... they all add on and build up to the last sentence.

Another thing I like is that you didn't focus on the pain but more about the grieving but at the same time finding inner peace. The setting, in my opinion, fits perfectly with what you were trying to capture. I can imagine tides and waves coming closer and then going back, it reminds me of his breathing (which I think you mentioned in there somewhere, now that I read over it again), the inhaling and exhaling, and how he thinks of Fred but then tells himself to be calm and relax.

The castle seems to be symbolic. Angelina and Lee built it and then in the end it washed away... it represents Fred in a way I think, though I'm not sure if you meant it that way. Or does it represent what George is feeling?

My favorite lines are:

"You look back at the sand castle. The tide is coming in, and begins to wash the castle into the sea."

"And so the wheel turns."

"Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless."

All in all, I had a great time reading this!

10/10
~Sama

Author's Response: Hi, Sama!

Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that despite the short length it still conveys a lot of emotion. The 500 word challenge was pretty difficult as I can be a bit of a rambler and a 500 word limit doesn't allow any room for unnecessary words!

I thought memories were essential for this because George is kind of living in his head a bit, and really the whole piece focuses a lot on the passage of time. So thank you, it's wonderful to hear that despite the sombre tone of most of the story and the slightly whimsical memories, that they integrated seamlessly.

The comparison between breathing and the waves is one of the things I was really trying to point out so I'm glad you saw that too and that you liked it!

Yes, the sand castle was largely symbolic - though honestly, it was intentionally left vague as to what it represents - I wanted to leave it open to many interpretations and up to the reader to decide. ;) Personally, I saw it as simultaneously representing the tower of Hogwarts crumbling again in George's mind, and Fred rejoining the earth as nature cycles, but also Time gently washing away the grief and leaving room for hope. But various reviewers have given other interpretations which I like just as much! So it kind of means whatever you want it to mean.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I really appreciate it, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this story.


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Review #13, by Hats For House Elves a meditation

21st May 2014:
Ok here we go.

The style here is right for a 500 word story. description description, no dialogue so that is a plus to start with. Still, have you read this out loud? Every single word counts so it has to flow. You almost get it so that the pace of the words is like the ebb of the water but not quite. Reading out loud highlights the flow, which words trip readers up the ones you want to skip etc.

So your first sentence, read your version aloud, then read this. I've got rid of some commas and put in a second full stop then changed feeling to feel.

'You breathe in deeply and close your eyes. You feel the warmth of the sun on your face the salty breeze in your hair the soft, fine sand beneath your fingertips.'

Let your sentences flow...


The short paragraphs are good, the plot, don't think you can get away without a plot is as I read it; inhale - surroundings - pause - exhale - surroundings - pause - rush of emotion as the horror of losing something so fundamental resurfaces then - pause - Breath out as the emotions ebb away. Bring him back to the present. It'll be ok.

You have focused on the 'bring him back to the present it'l be ok' bit rather than the 'rush of emotions as memories resurface' which I would say is the natural running down a hill really building aspect to this story. It's the emotional kicker it's the backbone.

Two final points, I may be wrong but ', and' is a double pause in a sentence so you often need one or the other. It made me think, it made me feel. That is all I really want in a story.

Well done.

Hats

Author's Response: Hello, thank you so much for your review! That's such a good point about reading it out loud, it really does make a huge difference in getting the flow of the piece right.

Those are interesting stylistic suggestions you made. Unfortunately I can't change 'feeling' to 'you feel' as that puts it over 500 words (the goal was to have it at 500 exactly, which it is, despite that the counter says 502 for some reason grr.) but you're right it definitely changes the flow taking out the commas, makes it more fluid. I may consider taking out some commas now, I know I can be a bit comma-happy at times! So thanks for the idea.

yes, the point was more to bring him back to the present as he lets the really intense emotions slip away. I imagine this taking place after some months have passed.

I'll look for that double pause, that could easily be just my overusing commas haha. I am so glad to hear that this story made you think and feel, means I accomplished my goal. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!!


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Review #14, by Hogwarts27 a meditation

21st May 2014:
Hi, this was lovely, a very sensuous and thoughtful piece, and very well written. I don't usually think of Fred and George at the beach, but there's a timelessness to the ocean waves that fits this moment of reflection very well, both in looking back and with a sense of time going on. I liked the flashback to George building his first sandcastle with Fred and wanting to keep it that way. And the image at the end of the castle being washed apart by the waves. You really did the moment justice using only 500 words, and I really enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response: Hello there! What a wonderful surprise to see a review from you :D I am so glad you liked this, and that you could also feel the timelessness of the ocean and thought the reflections on the past kind of looks forward as well. Aw thank you, I'm glad you liked that imagery and thought the story did justice to the moment and all those feelings. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!!

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Review #15, by Lululuna a meditation

4th May 2014:
Hi Kristin! :) I'm finally here for your second prize review, and I'm so so sorry for taking this long!

Wow, I really loved this and how much you manage to pack into 500 words. I'm sure you've heard this already but it really is an accomplishment, and this story really doesn't feel rushed or incomplete at all. It's lovely, and the length in a way seemed to fit the simplicity of the moment.

When reading this, I felt like I could feel the sea breeze, and the waves coming in. It has that rich feel of an English outing to the seaside, like there could be a hint of rain coming in and like they're there more to feel the ocean's presence rather than to actually swim in it or lounge on the beach. That makes no sense now that I re-read it, but that's how I felt while reading this, so the way the English seaside was captured was very beautiful.

Something I loved about this was how it wasn't a depressing or upsetting story about Fred's death, but a loving remembrance and tribute to his life and the impact he had when he was alive. I've read quite a few stories where George acts out and goes through all these awful and obnoxious fazes of anger and grief, but this feels far more authentic: he's reached that point in his grieving cycle where he can be sad but still get on with his life at the same time, like the way the tide comes and goes. The simplicity of the moment, where he can remember Fred and be happy that they had those memories together, was such a unique but important way to show his grief.

I'm kind of guessing that this story might take place a few months after the battle of Hogwarts, judging by the weather and also the freshness of the scenes in George's mind. But then again, I suppose those images are something which never goes away. They were beautifully written, and the image of the bodies on the floor was enough to bring back the horror which would pervade the survivors' thoughts without needing to really explain it.

I liked how even though this was a contemplative story and more serious than some of your other stories, it still had that awesome quality of hinting at humour - and it fits with the twins perfectly. I loved the mentions of the twins teasing Ron, and how George is still able to laugh and have a good time despite the moments of grief. It feels perfect for his character.

It's a rubbish castle-not even worms would live in that kind of squalor. I especially adored this line, it sounded so much like George while also fitting in with the poetry and rhythm of the story's beautiful writing. Another thing which felt very in character was the friendship with Lee and Angelina. There were some really amazing details which brought not only the landscape, but the characters to life and how their bodies were interacting within that landscape: lovely details like Angelina's "brown feet" and "delicious, greasy fish and chips" which really added the element of realness and tangibility (is that a word?) to the story.

The message here of rebirth, of life going on, was so powerful and I liked how you tied it in with nature and how the state of nature reflected George's state of mind. I read another review on this story (because I'm cool and weirdly enjoy reading reviews) and somebody mentioned Wordsworth/the romantic poets and how they drew inspiration and emotion from nature, and this poem really does embody that. I especially loved the mentions of the waves coming in and out, and then the footsteps from other children - something told me that perhaps George might bring his children here someday and have them walk along those footsteps as well.

This was just a gorgeous story, Kristin - about growing up and moving on, and finding joy in the memory of a loved one. I loved every one of the 500 words of it! ♥

Author's Response: JENNA ♥

I've been sitting on this review for a couple of days now without any idea how to respond because it's just too lovely.

Thank you so much, I'm glad the 500 word limit didn't confine the story in any way. It's quite a challenge to use only 500 words that as it severely limits my natural tendency towards rambling! :P But in a way I don't think this story could have been any longer because I thought the simplicity suited it.

That's wonderful to hear that the description made you feel like you were there, and I totally know what you mean about 'feeling' the presence of the ocean in the English seaside. Where I live, the ocean is too cold to swim in, so that may be why :p But that's exactly the kind of feeling I was going for, so thanks!

your second paragraph really resonated with me, I'm glad you see it as a loving tribute to Fred. Much of George's state of mind in this fic is drawn from my own experiences of grief. I think that, like anyone really, George had that period of anger at the world and survivor's guilt and crushing sadness, but I think there's a lot more to explore with the stage after that, when he begins to accept what's happened, in this kind of new clarity when things can be happy and still sad at the same time and that's okay.

The humour aspect was one of the things I wasn't sure about at first - because the twins are basically synonymous with humour and fun, and writing a completely fun-less George felt wrong. And yeah, with a few months' passing since the battle, he's had time to recover a little so that he can sometimes find things funny again, like a sloppy castle not fit for worms. :P I'm glad you liked that line.

I'm also really glad you mentioned the rhythm of the story - as it focuses so much on the tide which is rhythmic, I was hoping to add some sense of rhythm to the sentences and the story flow, so it's nice to hear that I succeeded somewhat! Ah and thank you, your attention to detail is lovely and I'm so glad you liked that aspect.

I am thrilled to hear that the feeling of the cyclical nature of life and time was powerful, and all the associations with nature. I think the hugeness of nature sometimes reminds me how small we are in the grand sense of time and everything that happens everywhere - it seemed to fit together well. Clearly the Romantic poets knew what they were talking about. (And it's cool, I sometimes read other people's reviews too :P ) Aw, that's such a lovely thought to take away from this, that George might come here with his children later.

Gah, I can't thank you enough for this amazing review! I'm probably about to go over the word limit with all my gushing and rambling now. But thank youuu ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #16, by Veritaserum27 a meditation

2nd May 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for review tag!

I thought it would be fitting that I reviewed this story on May 2nd (it is still May 2nd where I live).

You've done a fantastic job with just a few words. I am really impressed. Within such small parameters, you have successfully described George's grief, very accurately. The way his mind switches between remembering times with his brother, being with his friends and trying to hold back the sadness.

Angelina and Lee are such a good release for George, trying their best to keep him distracted when they seem to know that they can only do so much, but they will never give up.

The constant reminder of the "last time" he did things with Fred tells us that his pain is still prominent. However, the presence of the sea and the footprints indicate that George is at the very beginning of accepting that his life will go on. I think you have done a great job of painting enough of the story to give us feelings and emotions, but also held off just enough to let the reader decide for themselves about how well George is doing.

Thank you so much for writing this story!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: haha, cool, it's still the 2nd here too!

Wow, thank you! That is so wonderful to hear that George's grief feels real despite the word limit, and I'm glad you liked the balance between memories with Fred and the present with Angelina and Lee.

I think Angelina and Lee are some of the best people that could have been with him during that time, because they understand him as they lost a good friend too, but they also know to give George space.

I really like what you said in the end there, and I think that is partly what I was going for in writing such a meditation-y fic, it really leaves it up to the reader to interpret. And I like your interpretation. That's how I see it too - it's still painful for him but he knows things will move on.

Thank you so much for this fantastic review, Beth!!


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Review #17, by lumos_knox a meditation

29th April 2014:
Hi!Here from the review swap!

How beautiful!

Although it is short, there is so much being told in here. The descriptions are amazing, and you can do them just right without having to ramble on.

I'm loving the opening! All those words have been weaved together to set the scene perfectly. It's a very good second pov story, actually.

I also like how everything is representative of something else, it's good for the reader to relate to other things. You have managed to pack heaps of emotions in these few paragraphs, and I commend you for that.

Thanks for your brilliant writing!

Author's Response: Hi! Wow, this is such a lovely review, thank you! I am so thrilled that you like my descriptions. The story is pretty much nothing but description so it's wonderful to hear that you liked them.

I like how you phrased it as woven words, that's great to hear, as I was attempting to convey a lot of thoughts and metaphors represented by the various things at the beach. So I'm glad you saw it in that way as well. Thanks so much for your review!!


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Review #18, by kenpo a meditation

28th April 2014:
Hey! Here for our swap!

2nd person POV. Brave. I'm too scared to do it. I sort of did it... but it didn't really count because it was more in first person.

Also, every word counts challenge. I'm also too scared to attempt that one. So kudos.

I like the "beyond the red of your inner eyelids". That's so cool, because it's something that we're all really familiar with, but I don't think I've ever seen that mentioned or described like that.

Briny algae. I like that, too.

Oh. This just took a turn. May. This will be sad, won't it?

Yes. Twin. Yes, this will most likely be a sad one. I'm used to reading your parodies, I'll have to remind you...

I really like the memories. Stealing the chips from Percy, Ron getting stranded on the rock. You've given us a nice picture of their Pre-War lives.

Not even worms would live in that squalor. Ha. Haha. Ha. I laughed. I really like that. He's so snarky. I love that.

I WANT TO HEAR THAT SONG.

You did a really fantastic job with this. You pack in so much, I really didn't notice how short it was. You really did make every word count.

This was sad, but also hopeful in a way. There wasn't crushing sadness like Fred can give us.

(Moment of silence...)

I think your characterisation of George was really well done, and I like the way you managed to include Angelina and Lee. Good friends.

Really great story!! Thanks again for the swap!

-Georgia

Author's Response: And it seems that 3 hours later you were TOTALLY brave enough to attempt the every word counts, AND without the letter E as well! So hats off to you, my friend.

Ooh, thanks! I'm glad you liked that line about the eyelids.

Yeah, this is definitely a far cry from my parody writing. I do write real things sometimes. :P

Thanks! I'm glad you liked the integration of the memories! I figured the past would be something he thinks about a lot in those times...

Teehee. Well despite his grief, this is still George ;) so his sense of humour makes an appearance through the sadness every now and then.

Haha. Um, here's the song (You'll have to make up your own tune though, because unfortunately I can't sing it for you through the internet)
♫ There stands Ron
On a rock that'll soon be gone
But we'll just carry on. ♪ ♫

(Hmm, that seems a bit like a song Peeves would write. I guess the twins probably got musical guidance from Peeves at some point.)

Um but where were we. Oh yeah. Thank you, it means so much that you liked it and thought it covered a lot for being so short.

That is exactly the mood I was going for, sad but tentatively hopeful. In my mind this takes place after some time has passed since the battle, so it's not the crushing sadness it would have been at an earlier point in time.

I'm so happy to hear that you liked the characterization of George, as I was kind of nervous to write such a funny character being sad and hoping it would still sound like him, so thank you! I'm glad you liked the appearance of Angelina and Lee as well.

Thanks so much for the swap and this lovely review!! ♡


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Review #19, by Infinityx a meditation

15th April 2014:
Hello! Please forgive me for taking AGES to get to this! My deepest apologies. :(

This was beautiful. It was extremely poetic and heart-wrenching. You've done a fabulous job at the POV and it fits this one-shot perfectly. One thing that I've learned about writing in second person is that it needs to communicate some deep emotions to the reader in order to fulfill its purpose, and I think this one was wonderful.

I love all the descriptions here. They're extremely vivid and at the same time, not overdone, and the POV just helped make everything even more powerful. The way you brought in Angelina and Lee, and George's actions in between his thoughts was brilliant. It's like he's floating in his mind, and is suddenly jerked down to reality, only to end up back in his mind. (I don't know if that made sense. :P)

The way you brought in all those memories was perfect. Everything flowed so well, and was so touching!

you wonder whether a new group of carefree children is discovering the tide, or if the impressions in the sand are faded images from the past
Oh, the feels! :'(

This was lovely. I really should have read this sooner. Beautifully written. I'm going to come back to read some of your other work later! :)

~Erin

Author's Response: Hello! Haha seriously don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure I took almost a month to get to one of your requests a while back, so I can't complain :p

Ahhh wow though, this is such a nice review! I'm really glad it was able to convey that deep emotion. I think thats an important aspect of second person stories too.

oh thank you, I am so happy to hear that about the descriptions being effective and vivid. And I really like what you said about him kind of living in his head, coming back for a bit, and then retreating. I was hoping to show a brief moment of recovery, but not quite yet moving on as he's not quite ready for that, and I'm glad it felt like that - I love the way you phrased it. You made perfect sense to me!

I'm glad you liked that line too! Thank you for such a nice review!! ♥


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Review #20, by Aphoride a meditation

3rd April 2014:
Hey there - thought I'd stop by here since this is a new one-shot and has less reviews than some of your other stuff ;) Plus, I'm a bit of a sucker for George-centric stories after Fred's died.

I love the use of the beach in this - how they're all there, and the simple memories it brings back. It's such a realistic thing - him remembering Fred in happy times, randomly, because of little things which have brought it back. It really helps create this wonderful melancholy feeling in this - not too sad, but melancholy and solemn. It's a very... deep sort of feeling, if that makes sense, and it suits George's character very well!

Your description and language in this was lovely, too! I loved how you use your description with the colours of towels and the little things - like the red of the eyelids and things... it's just so gorgeous!

The second person is great here, too - kinda draws you away from it all, make you think of George alone and things, sort of removed from it all. It's a lovely use of the perspective! :)

I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you chose this one as yes, it's my newest fic and my first time attempting second person POV!

That is so wonderful to hear about the mood of this fic, that it's melancholy but not necessarily sad. I wanted a contrast between the rather whimsical past memories and the sad present, and I am glad they combined well to make that deep feeling you mentioned. I'm glad it suits George, too - I had been unsure about writing George in that he is always so joyful but obviously couldn't be so in this fic, so it's great to hear that even when sad and reflective it still suits George.

Thank you so much about the description!! I am so flattered to hear you describe it as "gorgeous"... !! ♥ I'm glad the second person worked, too! It was an interesting experiment for me but I rather like that POV now!

Thanks so much for your review!!! ♥


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Review #21, by Rumpelstiltskin a meditation

3rd April 2014:
Whee! I love second-person (though I should be reading "Brave at Heart" *cough*).

This was very poetic -- which was fabulous.

You've definitely captured the essence of meditation, while at the same time there is an underlaying haunting story of the Battle of Hogwarts.

If I'm not mistaken, and I'll have to check the character list once I'm done reading, I believe that this may be from George's point of view (with the mentions of Fred, Percy, Angelina, and Lee). I thought it was very touching.

Your imagery is beautiful!

This was awesome, especially for such a short story. I think you've managed to capture your message in a short period of space, which is a feat!

Fantastic job!

-Rumpel

Author's Response: Rumpel! Aw, thanks for reviewing!

I really appreciate you saying it was poetic and that the imagery was beautiful! The imagery and flow of the piece were my main focus in writing it so I'm really glad they stood out to you.

It's good to hear that the meditative aspect and the references to the battle of Hogwarts and the rather silly memories all blended together well for a short fic. Thank you!

And you're right, it was indeed George. :)

Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely review!! ♥


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Review #22, by patronus_charm a meditation

2nd April 2014:
*sobs to self and attempts to get up from puddle of feels*

What did you do to me Kristin? I knew it was going to be a heart-breaking story because most relating to George, but this was like rip me to shreds and then trample on top of me feels. Gah, it was so sombre and beautiful and 2nd person pov really helped with that. It felt as if George was almost detached from his body and he was just floating around as a spectre of some sort which worked so well as he felt as if he was one without Fred and how could he cope without his twin as they were so intertwined, and it really felt as if George had lost half of himself.

You included so many other characters for such a short story and thatís so impressive. We had the lovely images of Lee and Angelina in the background showing how you can move on from this grief and there is this end to it, and I could feel in the back of Georgeís mind that he wanted to join them. Then the lovely bit about Percy and Ron, and it just made me chuckle a little about the adorable sibling memories. Finally all thoughts about he and Fred were heart-breaking! Gah, I canít even describe them in detail as it will make me choke too much but it was beautiful!

The imagery with the beach and the way you tied Georgeís emotions into that too was truly fantastic. I think my favourite one was the bit about the sandcastle and how the last he made one was with Fred. Then how their sandcastle got washed away was like Fred being taken from him but there was still hope for George as that was the natural cycle. And yeah, it was so beautiful and really made me want to cry.

This was such a heart-breaking one-shot but I loved reading all of it! Thank you so, so much for entering the challenge :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! Aw, I apologise for the feels. *hands over chocolate and hugs*

I'm really glad you liked the use of second person here, and that you pointed out the feeling of detachment. That's exactly what I was going for - I wrote it slightly in the style of a guided meditation, and those always kind of encourage detachment from the things around you (and although it's kind of opposite here in that the focus is on what's going on around him and he's instead detached from himself) I'm glad that sense of detachment came through. Gah, I'm starting to make no sense at all. Moving on...

I'm glad you liked the sibling memories, and the way they lined up with he Fred memories. Yeah you're right, I think part of George wanted to join Lee and Angelina in building the castle, but part of him is still not ready to let go of the past.

I liked what you said in your last paragraph there, and I'm glad there is a feeling of hope conveyed in this fic; it's kind of hidden I suppose, but it's there (or at least meant to be there) and I'm happy it came across that way to you.

Thank you sooo much for this amazing review!!! ♥♥♥


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Review #23, by teh tarik a meditation

2nd April 2014:
*cries*

Oh my gah, Kristin, this was so lovely. Post-Hogwarts George makes some of the saddest stories on HPFF. :( I really loved this. This was so beautifully and sensitively written - there isn't any mad, crushing angst, but it's more of a quietly grieving moment for George, and I'm guessing that some time has passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. It's also a quiet period of observation and reminiscence for George, as he starts to recount the happier times and all the experiences shared with his brother, and I think this is absolutely necessary in helping him accept Fred's death and recover, slowly.

Your descriptions - gah! So vivid and beautifully done. I remember you answering in a question that you include the ocean in many of your fics, and in this story, you've used that setting to the best effect. The sea is a place of constant movement, and I think all that external movement forms a lovely contrast to the quiet and the solitude in George's head.

Like living breath, the waves break and recede, life gives and takes. The tide persists, a cycle; the rotting seaweed returns to the sand. And so the wheel turns.

^Some of my favourite lines of the whole story.

I also love that you've included Lee and Angelina there. Lee, especially, is hardly ever mentioned, let alone written in fanfic. That was a lovely moment, when they all squeeze together on a towel picking at greasy fish and chips (yum! must run down to the takeaway and get some...oh wait, it's closed at this hour.. -_- ). It's always been Fred and George, and sometimes Lee, but now it's great to see that George is part a new trio. If there are people in the world who will make George feel a lot better during these tough times, it will definitely be Lee and Angelina.

Gah, this was just all shades of sad, and nostalgic, and poignant, and just wonderful. Sorryy, am getting repetitive here! Absolutely lovely writing! ♥

Author's Response: Tehhh ♥ ajhekhdkjdjbv thank you so so much!! I'm pretty sure my response won't be as lovely as your review because I'm flailing a little at all these compliments.

Ahh thank you for saying it is beautiful! And all the other comments you made, about the time passed since the battle, and the time of reflection helping him recover - that's definitely what I was trying to convey so I'm glad you saw it that way too.

Wow, it really means a lot to me when *you* compliment my descriptions because I know descriptions are one of your many talents, so gahhh thank you! I'm glad you liked the use of the ocean as a contrast here.

Lee and Angelina lost a lot too when Fred died, since we know they were close to him. Obviously, George is having the most trouble with it, with Fred being his twin, but losing a friend is so hard too and I think really all three of them are sharing in this suffering, only it's taking George longer to recover. The way I saw it, they're all helping each other through this time. And yeah, like you said, that's why I thought those two would be essential to help George come to terms with everything. A new trio.. I like that, it's very hopeful.

Ahh thank you so so so so much, teh! This was such an amazing review and I'm glad you liked the story!! Thanks for reading! ♡


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Review #24, by monstrosity a meditation

31st March 2014:
Hello!

This is just perfect. I can't imagine why no one hasn't reviewed this story already. The combination of the short sentences and second POV really just hit the plot home.

Byron, Keats and other romantic poets loved to connect every situation occurring to mankind to nature. They especially liked connecting death to the earth reclaiming us. For example in Byron's poem The Battle of Waterloo, he says how everyone on the battle field becomes clay or corpses, which the clay of the earth covers up again. I'm so glad that kind of writing still exists today. You and other authors really keep that legacy alive.

I liked how you mentioned algae on the beach dying. A lot of poets like to compare algae to life and to see you take an opposite stance is really interesting. It was also a fantastic way of introducing the characters without explicitly stating who they are. I just realized now (and I hastily went back to the story to check again) that you've never once mentioned George's name. I didn't even realize, which goes to show how naturally the story flowed. Wow.

The little memories that you included about Percy and Ron really show how much Fred meant to George. Fred is in everything George sees simply because there is a certain memory attached to it. I also love the way Angelina and Lee just sit and don't pressurize George to be happy and get better. They let him be and that's a sign of really great friends.

If it wasn't clear to you before, the story is rather like poetry (which is why I keep making annoying references to poets) in a sense that it has a sort of rhythmic flow to it (much like the waves and tides).

I think that your last line was probably the one that affected me the most. This is because I can make several interpretations of it (some of which will be so far fetched that you'll be rolling your eyes, I'm sure). A castle is like a protections, like a security blanket. I've always felt that Fred and George protected each other from everything. They were each other's guardians and without Fred, George feels all that security crumble.

Another interpretation is that George finally lets go of all that sadness associated with his twin and feels that its all a part of a circle of life and death. He finally lets the air, the sand and the water affect him. He comes out of his shell and his walls (i.e. castle) comes crumbling down.

Then again, it's probably emphasizing on the point you made above on the circle of life. The sand is reclaimed by the sea and deposited back on to the shore. There will life after Fred and death after Fred. Newer sand will be deposited on the shore over and over again.

If you've managed to read through all my rambling then congratulations, you have an amazing attention span! Not as amazing as this story, of course ;) In all seriousness, this is a great story that I had the pleasure of reading (and tearing to bits with my analogies) so thank you for taking the time to write it. Good luck with the challenge!

Author's Response: Wow, where do I begin?! This review is seriously amazing. ♡♡

A comparison to poets like Byron and Keats, wow thank you, what a huge compliment! I am not much of a poet to be honest which is why that means a lot to me - and I'm so glad you mentioned it flowed like the waves as that was my main intention in writing it!

You know, the smell of the ocean at low tide is actually one of my favorite smells - despite that it's really just dead, washed up algae. I've never heard of algae symbolizing life in poetry, that's really interesting. I'm going to have to go search for some of these poems now hehe.

I love - LOVE - all your interpretations at the end. I wrote it to be intentionally vague in that it could symbolise any or all of those things, how he is simultaneously coming to terms with death and the circular pattern of nature but still feeling his life crumble away - basically, everything you mentioned and I am so glad all of that came across and affected you and made you think. The fact that you went through the trouble of analyzing it in that way speaks a lot to me!

You pointed out all the subtle things I was hoping to convey in this piece, it's like you read my mind!

Thank you so, so much for this amazing and thoughtful review, I really appreciate it. ♥


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