Reading Reviews for low tide
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unicorn_Charm a meditation

20th December 2014:
Hi there!!

I thought I would take a look at one of your oneshots. :)

Anything involving a Fred-less George is horribly sad. You really did a fantastic job at capturing the loss George feels with out Fred. Just the little things of how he remembers the last time he had fish and chips was with him, the last sand castle he made was with him, the song they made at Ron's expense. Everything in his life, I'm sure, would just be a constant reminder of Fred, because Fred was always a constant presence in his life. In just over 500 words, you've portrayed that beautifully.

The description in this was astonishing. It was almost as if I could hear the sound of the waves crashing, smell the ocean and feel the sand. You did an excellent job of setting up the scene.

I loved the idea of George, Angelina and Lee all together. They would be three people, besides the rest of the family, who would have mourned Fred the most. It seems appropriate that they would have all been together.

I really liked this, a lot. As always, your writing is smooth and effortless. It's always such a joy to read. Well done! :)

xoxo Meg

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Review #2, by adluvshp a meditation

20th December 2014:
Tag!

Aw this was such a bittersweet little fic. George one shots about losing Fred always make me tear up. This almost did too! I loved your descriptions, and how you expressed his pain and memories of Fred so beautifully, mingling it with the present. The analogy of the tides and all was awesome too. This made me smile and tear up at the same time really - I just want to hug George now.

10/10
Great writing!
-AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Aditi! Ah, I know it's just the saddest thing to think of the twins being separated :( Thank you, I'm really glad you liked the descriptions and metaphors in this, as well as the mingling of present and past as George's memories surface - that means a lot to me! Thanks so much for your review!!

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Review #3, by writeyourheartout a meditation

14th December 2014:
HAPPY HOT SEAT DAY, KRISTIN, MY LOVE!!! :-D

Okay, so, I have to admit, I've been actively avoiding reading this story for a long time now. It's just that I love your comedic writing so, so much, and I know you're going to be amazing at serious fics too because you're awesome like that, but this story clearly deals with Fred's death, and... yeah, it may sound hypocritical considering my novel, but outside of Lying Josephine, I'm still very much in denial over Fred's death! LOL But I'm finally going to bite the bullet and read this story, so here we go...

*some amount of time later*

...Wow.

That was really beautiful. I mean really, really beautiful. *is definitely not teary-eyed right now* *sniffs*

I love how - what's the word I'm even looking for? - easy it read. What I mean by that is it was obviously very sad and a difficult moment to portray, but none of it was forced, none of it felt tortured; it was written in a simple way that didn't tell the reader exactly how George was feeling about the loss of Fred, but still made us feel that loss just by his breathing in and out, by his decision not to join in on the castle building, by these small moments of thought and action that were a reflection of his feelings and built the emotion for us readers without telling us about it. I love that.

Your imagery and description in this story is to die for. I felt like I was there, sitting in the sand with him and Angelina and Lee, eating fish and chips, trying to find some semblance of normalcy and happiness amongst these simple pleasures.

This line hit me hard: Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless. - It perfectly rekindles that moment in the books when Fred dies with "the ghost of his last laugh" still on his face, and makes it even more impactful when you gut-punch us with the words "Fred motionless." Ugh. So powerful that it makes me hate you a little cause THE FEELS. THE FEELS, KRISTIN. STAHP IT.

I love this line, too: And so the wheel turns. - because yeah, it does. I lost my dad in a very tragic way, and those moments are so crazy, so life-altering, and it feels like everything is done, is over, but it's not, cause life keeps going anyway, and you just try to find a new normal for yourself. It's a surreal moment, realizing that the wheel continues to turn. You captured it beautifully.

I don't know what else to say, to be honest. This was phenomenal. You are brilliant. Don't write any more stories like this or I might die. ;)

Tanya ^.^

Author's Response: Aw. Honestly, I completely understand about being in denial of Fred's death. How could JKR separate the twins?! Why?! I just... ugh.

Gah, thank you so much! *hands over tissue* I am really glad to hear it flowed in an easy and simple way - I was going for a sense of clarity through simple things as George begins to recover a little bit at a time, and how being in the presence of the power of nature reminds him of how everything moves on - like taking a step away for a moment. I'm glad to hear that the emotions were effective in being mostly implied, thanks!

ahh, thank you! that is so wonderful to hear about the descriptions, and gahh sorry for the punch in the feels line about Fred, but I am glad to hear it was so powerful, that means a lot to me.

Wow, thank you, I really appreciate that that line about the wheel resonated with you. I am so sorry to hear about your dad :( but yes exactly, it hurts, and it goes on. This story is the most honest piece I've ever written - really it's half about George moving forward from Fred's death, and half about my coming to terms with the death of my cousin.

Aaah, thank you soo much! You are too nice! ♥ Thanks for your incredible review!


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Review #4, by TwilightPrincess a meditation

13th December 2014:
Hi! I'm here from the Puff Review Hot Seat!

I love this story so much. As the starter of the Every Word Counts Challenge, I'm so happy to be reading and reviewing this. I love the emotion that you were able to pack into five hundred words. You did a really great job with establishing the deep feeling in the reader. I like the metaphor of the sand being washed away by the water. It's so beautiful and simple. I appreciate that you didn't overdo it.

I like that you chose to tackle the subject of George reflecting on the loss of his brother, alone. Too often, I see fics where writers explore George's feelings THROUGH his relationship with others, but I am really glad you chose to write him alone, reflecting by himself. It is very moving this way. And I say alone because even though Angelina is there, she is not talking him through his feelings or helping him figure anything out. That's what I mean. You did a great job.

Also, I really like the second person! I think it works really well. It can be tricky to make second person seem natural, but you did an excellent job. I've been on a second person kick lately so this was a thrill to read. You did an excellent job with this story and I really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: You started the Every Word Counts Challenge?! You're basically a HPFF legend. That was an awesome challenge! :D

I'm so glad you liked the metaphor of the sand and the water, and that you thought the story evoked deep feeling. Considering the nature of this story it was definitely intended to focus on emotion a lot, and I'm so glad that came through but not too heavily. :)

I think that there is an important part of the grieving process that is necessary to be done alone, which is the point George is at in the story - I'm so glad you appreciated that. And yes, the way I see it, Angelina and Lee are there for him if he needs to talk, but aren't pressuring him to - so he can still have the time he needs but isn't lonely. It is so wonderful to hear that this was moving, thank you!

This was my first try writing second person and I found that I love that POV! Wow thank you so much, this review is so kind and I'm so glad you liked the story! Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #5, by wolfgirl17 a meditation

18th November 2014:
Hey love,

Me here for the review swap =)

You're hitting me in the feels with these stories of yours!

I just love all of your writing! It's so deep and emotional, especially this one. I like the way you had George not join in on building sandcastles because he wants to keep the memory of him and Fred doing it all the more precious.

I always find post-war George stories the hardest to read because they just make me so sad. I don't think there is a bigger injustice in all of the books than JK having the indecency to kill off only one twin. I mean, why not Percy for crying out loud?

How could she do this to us?

And now I'm rambling.

This piece is short, but it's so filled with emotion that I think were it to be longer it might lose some of the poignancy of loss and grief George feels without Fred.

Excellent work, as always. I'm so stalking your page for all your stories. I'll get to them all eventually when the plunnies in my head stop reproducing and distracting me. lol.

xx-Wolfgirl

Author's Response: Hi!

Wow, thanks ♥ I really appreciate you saying that you love my writing *hugs*

I'm glad you liked that bit about George sitting out during the sandcastle making. Gah, I know. Every time I even think about that point in the book I get sad again, and a bit angry at JKR for separating the inseparable Gred and Forge.

Thanks, I'm really glad that this piece felt emotional and poignant. It was a bit of a challenge to only use 500 words - this was the first time I'd attempted it!

Aaah Thank you so much! It really means so much to me that you like my stories! Good luck managing those plunnies haha.



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Review #6, by Loonylovegood67890 a meditation

16th November 2014:
Hello, here for the review swap!

Yay, a second person pov fic! I love second person and you did a great job of using it as it really drew me into the story at the start. I felt like I was right there with the characters.

I always feel sad reading George fics when Fred's died because he isn't the same without his twin. And this nearly had me breaking down - especially when you said 'Fred laughing, Fred motionless.' - it just brought back all the emotions I felt in the book when he died. That line was especially effective for me.

I love how you have everybody else getting on with their lives, but how George is so lost. It was so sad yet you made me laugh when you talked with the song they made up about Ron.

Amazing writing! Wonderful story, I love this. Thanks for the swap! :)

- Becca.

Author's Response: Hi Becca! I love second person too! I'm so glad you liked the way I used it here - it was my first time attempting that POV!

Guh, don't even get me started - I'm still not over Fred's death :'( I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a twin. I'm glad to hear that line was effective though and brought back those emotions (although I'm sorry about that too, bringing you back to that sad point in the book!)

Everyone is trying to get on with their lives, as time is moving on and so are they, eventually - although Lee and Angelina are doing better than George is. I'm glad you liked the silly things like the song- I figured that memories of Fred would be good and happy, even if that is contrary to how George feels remembering them again.

Thanks so much for your awesome review and for the swap!


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Review #7, by 1917farmgirl a meditation

21st October 2014:
That's it.

I quit.

How could anyone possibly hope to write George ever again after reading this?

And just when I thought my heart MIGHT have started to mend, you rip it right back open.

Seriously, I'm hanging up the Fred and George hat and bowing to your mastery.

AMAZING fic! Incredible imagery and use of words. You didn't tell this story, you let it wisp in to us on the tide, in the smell of the air, the feel of the sand.

It might be the fact that it wasn't a sobbing, distraught George that told this story, but a quietly sad one. George doesn't do quiet. That alone expressed the magnitude of his grief, even as he fought back and tried to be alive again.

Yep, you are the master and I sit here in awe.

Incredible. 100/10

Author's Response: NO DON'T QUIT! Because then who will bring Fred back to life?! I'm counting on you for that!

Gah, thanks so much for your comments about the imagery and the words! I'm really proud of how the descriptions turned out in this story and it just makes me so happy when people notice them! ♥

It was definitely a bit weird to write the wild and funny George as so subdued - I wasn't sure if it would seem like him. But I love what you pointed out there, how his silence speaks volumes. Also, the fact that you were impressed by this portrayal of George means so much to me because you are one of the best writers of Fred and George on the site! And so to hear that from you is just asdkjfjakl. Thank you for your amazing review!! ♥


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Review #8, by daliha a meditation

5th September 2014:
It's a short one shot but it's very powerful. For a moment i could hear the ocean myself, the way you describe it all it's beautifully done. My favorite part was this:

Like living breath, the waves break and recede, life gives and takes. The tide persists, a cycle; the rotting seaweed returns to the sand. And so the wheel turns.

It reminds of the circle of life theme lion king has.

I'd give this a ten out of ten.

Author's Response: Hi, thanks for your kind review! It means a lot to hear that this was powerful and that the descriptions were that vivid, thank you!

I never thought about it in terms of the Lion King haha, but I do love that movie and you're right it is a very similar message.

Thank you so much!


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Review #9, by Gladis Gudgeon a meditation

27th July 2014:
Review tag
Interesting use of second person. Sometimes it can sound really bad, but it didn't. Yoo captured the emotions well in just a few words. The poetic style is nice. Not the most original, but it was an enjoyable read. 9/10

Author's Response: Aw thanks that's lovely to hear about the strength of the emotions in few words. I'm glad you liked the second person POV too! Hm, well, I guess not everything can be original in fanfic about one series - I'm sure every idea has been done at least once :p. Thanks for your review!

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Review #10, by maskedmuggle a meditation

12th July 2014:
Hey!

:( This was so amazingly written though. Stories about George alone reminiscing about Fred always make me feel sad but you wrote this in a way that had a sense of peace and serenity about it, which was really lovely. I really liked the plot of this, with George, Lee and Angelina going to a quiet beach to reflect on things. I thought you did a fantastic job characterising George - all the thoughts were so perfect, especially those memories he had with Fred.. ♥ I thought you did an excellent job of using second person POV in this fic to a really great effect. Your writing was really beautiful in this, I really felt such a calming atmosphere from the words you chose. Really amazing :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle
House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Wow, thank you for saying this was amazing, I'm flattered! ♥ I'm glad you took away a sense of serenity from this, as I was kind of going for an overarching theme of meditativeness and hope despite the bad memories of the war, and the funny memories with Fred. It means so much to me that you liked the characterisation of George as well, especially since here he's so different to how he was in the books with Fred around. Thank you so, so much for your compliments about my writing, that's so sweet of you! ♥ Thanks for your review!

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Review #11, by Beeezie a meditation

12th July 2014:
Oooh, your description. As I read, I felt like I could smell the salt air and hear the waves on the beach. It was a little jarring to read on and see that the beach, far from putting George in a blissful, relaxed mood, was reminding him of Fred. I can understand it, though, and I really like that you chose this setting to explore his feelings. Given how close they were and what their personalities were like, I can very easily see George having a hard time with activities that are normally fairly carefree and happy because he associates them with his brother. His decision not to join in with Angelina and Lee when they were making the sand castle made a lot of sense, and I was left wondering whether there would be other things that George will sit out because he wanted to keep those associations with his brother... and whether he'd be able to let them go as more time passed.

This was really thought-provoking. Thanks!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks, I'm so glad the descriptions were immersing enough to make you smell the air and hear the waves. I do love descriptions so this is such a wonderful thing to hear about them :) And it's lovely to hear that his actions and feelings made sense given the situation too. Maybe George will be able to let things go after more time. I left it ambiguous intentionally, to leave it up to the reader to decide. Personally, I think that eventually he is able to let go - it's not like he's ever truly letting go of the memory of Fred, after all.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and thank you for your thoughtful review!!!


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Review #12, by Pretense Of Perfection a meditation

11th July 2014:
Wow, I'm totally not sure whether I should be laughing or crying right now, as this was a wonderful story. I think you set the scene really well in the beginning, and with the descriptions of the five senses and what each of them are experiencing at any given point. It really set the tone for the one-shot, although I still haven't decided exactly what that is yet. I think your choice of second person POV is impressive, it probably wouldn't have been mine, since I'm terrible at it, but you somehow managed to pull it off quite nicely. I felt as if I could've been sitting there on the beach with the, contemplating the meaning of life and missing my lost loved ones. I think my favorite part overall though, would have to be the descriptions of the beach and the ocean. You managed to capture the very essence of the shore, and I love the analogies you made between that and life and death, both the subtle and the simple. Overall it was very poignant, and an absolute delight to read.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Hi! Aw, thank you so much for this sweet review! I really appreciate what you said about the five senses (as I was trying to incorporate the senses in a big way) and honestly I'm glad you said you weren't sure how you feel at the end, whether the tone was happy or sad or both. I think it was that way for George too.

I had never tried second person POV before this, so that is wonderful to hear that it worked! And I am so happy to hear that you liked the descriptions of the ocean and the symbolism of life and death.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! ♡


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Review #13, by Karou_Marauder a meditation

10th July 2014:
Hello!

The sea-theme throughout is so powerful. Water is a constant flow, an endless cycle, and that captures George's emotions so well.

That dead piece of seaweed at the start was great imagery, and you linked it well. One of the things I like here is how every tiny little thing associates with a memory to do with Fred or the Battle, and how George isn't crying he's just breathing and focusing on the constant, eternal waves and focusing on living. Fred would want that.

"Between you and the boulder are a few trails of small footprints in the sand; you wonder whether a new group of carefree children is discovering the tide, or if the impressions in the sand are faded images from the past, where you and Fred walked years ago." I particularly like this part here, and how George isn't sure whether the footprints are real or not. It shows us how he's still attached to Fred, still half-living in his memories - but he's laughing at Angelina, and we see he's not completely drowned in grief.

This is a very powerful one-shot. Every word really does count, and I think that's amazing.

-Karou, 2014 House Cup Review

Author's Response: Hello! It's wonderful to hear you say that the sea theme is powerful. There is a certain calm in the power and cycles of the ocean, and it was no coincidence that I chose to set the fic at the beach.

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked the memories and how everything linked together from the memories to the seaweed on the shore. You picked up on all the subtle things in this story and that is so lovely to see :) Your interpretations of the story are wonderful too! I really appreciate that you called this story powerful - that's an incredible compliment. Thank you so much for your kind review! ♥


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Review #14, by nott theodore a meditation

10th July 2014:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed this piece, it was so powerful and had such an impact, which was fantastic when it was just 500 words and written for the every word counts challenge! And there was no dialogue at all either, but you still managed to convey a lot of emotion through this piece.

Actually, this story combined a lot of my favourite things. I love second person and Fred and/or George stories. You captured George's character so well in this and I just felt so sorry for him, the fact that he'd lost his twin and his best friend and then he's also grieving so much. Every little thing here reminds him of Fred, like something as simple as building a sandcastle, which is meant to be happy. I thought Lee and Angelina were well portrayed as well, and I'm glad that they were so understanding at the fact that George chose not to take part in the end.

Sian :)
Gryffindor House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Sian! I am still in awe of the fact that you managed to do nearly 400 reviews for the HC, I think you are secretly a witch and accomplished everything with the use of magic. I'm jealous. How was Hogwarts? :p

Anyway. Thank you so much! It means so much to get compliments like this from you because you're such an amazing writer yourself! I'm so glad to hear that this was powerful.

I'd never tried second person before this, and found that I really love writing in that POV! And wow, thanks, I'm flattered that you think this was a good portrayal of George. It was odd writing a very not-humourous George :( I think he'd be kind of stuck in his memories for a while, but luckily his friends don't push him to recover any faster than he can.

Thank you so much for your review!! ♥


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Review #15, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing a meditation

9th July 2014:
Hey there!

Wow, this was so packed full of emotion, I just wanted to cry. You put so much sorrow and grief into this I'm just amazed, and with no dialogue and just 500 words that's pretty darn amazing! Your descriptions are so vivid in this, I pictured it all...
The tide flowing and the sand castle. I almost felt like I could smell the sea too! I love it with the imagery is as detailed as this so kudos to you!

I was so sad when George made the comments about he last time he did things were with Fred! It broke my heart... I felt so so sorry for him, I can't even imagine losing a sibling and a twin at that. I think you did a great job of dealing with that emotion though. I'm a little bit glad he didn't build the sandcastle, so he and Fred still share that. It was nice that lee and Angelina were so understanding too.

Great one shot!
Lauren :)
House cup review 2014

Author's Response: Lauren ♥ Thank you!! Ah, I am so glad to hear that the descriptions were so vivid, that is 100% what I was going for in writing this, was kind of getting in tune with the five senses and all that - so it's lovely to hear that I succeeded.

The sandcastle bit was because I think George is still in this kind of transition phase where he is recovering but isn't fully ready to live life without Fred yet - I'm so glad to hear that you connected with that. Lee and Angelina are great, I always felt that they were both close to the twins so they would be particularly understanding of George.

Thanks so much for your wonderful review!!


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Review #16, by True Author a meditation

9th July 2014:
Oh my God, what a touching story! :( The grief and the sorrow is so vivid that it touches you greatly. You did a very good job with the emotions. I loved them!

You have effectively stated how Fred and George were always together and now Fred's death has created a hollow in his brother's life. The second person PoV worked well with the plot too. I'm kind of inspired to write a one-shot in second person PoV too. :)

I liked how nice and understanding Angelina was. And the last sentence was extremely beautiful. So meaningful!

Loved this!

Ashwini

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much!! This story was kind of just an exploration of feeling so I am so glad to hear that the emotions were effective in this.

You really should try second-person sometime if you haven't already, it's a lot of fun to try! It is challenging but I really loved writing in that POV. I'm so happy to hear that you liked the effect it had on the story!

Angelina and Lee would have lost a lot too with Fred being one of their best friends, so I figured they'd understand George pretty well. The last sentence was one of my favourites as well, I'm glad you appreciated it! Thanks so much for your sweet review! ♥


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Review #17, by TidalDragon a meditation

8th July 2014:
Howdy!

I thought this story was so well done! It was short, but very impactful because you chose your words so carefully and really honed in on the key moments and George's reflections on them.

The best part about those reflections was that they seemed completely natural as well. I think too often when people write about George's thoughts after Fred's death, they force these grand thoughts or use elaborate prose to describe simple ones. Your strength was letting them be simple and stay simple. For me, this made the most sense because when someone has been important to you (especially as important AND ever-present as a twin) I think you're bound to remember them in even things that would seem mundane or unremarkable to most.

I also enjoyed the way you ended with the thoughts about the footprint at the swallowing sand castle. It was a nice tie in with the title, mood, and message of the piece and capped it off beautifully.

Thanks for sharing!

House Cup 2014 Review

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so, so much! I am so thrilled that you pointed out the word choice - the 500 word challenge was difficult for me as I have a tendency to ramble, but it really forced me to cut out all unnecessary words and really think about each word - so it means a lot that you noticed that. Thank you!

I'm glad you liked the simplicity. George never seemed like the type of person to have grand, elaborate thoughts, and in my mind this takes place some time after the war when the wound is not as fresh anymore. You said that perfectly about how George remembers Fred in the most mundane circumstances.

I'm so glad you liked the ending about the footprints and the sand castle, that's lovely to hear :)

Thank you for reading and for your amazing review!!


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Review #18, by jessicalorewrites a meditation

7th July 2014:
Hi!

My heart is broken. Completely, irreparably broken.

I hate reading fics post-war because that means Fred is no longer there and it was just so painful reading about George's grief. I can see that Angelina and Lee are definitely too very good friends that are going to stick by him no matter what -- very cute.

What I liked most of all was all the little hints to past visits on the beach. Like the rock that Ron got stuck on and the footprints in the sand. In a way, it is a very bittersweet chapter.

Well done on managing to pull on my heartstrings like this in such a short amount of words!! It's been wonderful reading this.

xo

{House Cup 2014 Review - Gryffindor}

Author's Response: I'm sorry to break hearts, I really am :( But it means a lot to me that you were touched by this!

I thought that memories would definitely come up because most everything that George did before, Fred was there too, and they were happy times. I'm glad you got a kind of bittersweet feeling from this with the combination of funny memories and the sadness in the present.

I am so glad you enjoyed this story and that it was meaningful despite being short. Thank you so much for your review! xo


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Review #19, by ginerva_molly_weasley a meditation

14th June 2014:
Oh marauderfan. This is beautiful.

I don't read many second pov stories because I find sometimes its quite hard to follow but this was so well written I didn't have that problem.

Your theme of tide and change came through all the way through the story and I loved the fact that you made it seem like a memorial gathering with Angelina and Lee without it sounding too morbid. Whilst remembering Fred but also with George moving on in a way with the tide washing over the castle, knocking down the past so something new could be built there.

I absolubtely loved it!

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad it was easy to follow and that you liked it despite not reading much second person.

Aw, I like that idea of it feeling like a memorial gathering, that's lovely. And it is wonderful to hear that you felt the dual themes of memory/reflecting and of moving on conveyed through the tide, I like your interpretation. Thank you for such a nice review!


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Review #20, by HEG a meditation

12th June 2014:
Hello!

Aww, this is such a sweet little story. Its kind of sad too the memories and that. I really love how you have described everything. The one shot has a nice flow. Also, I like your use of second person PoV because I have never read it written like that before. It was very well shortened into 500 words because that can be quite difficult sometimes. The only thing that I would say is that it lacked in a little detail - more about what they were doing etc. Other than that, very well done!

HEG

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked this story. Thank you, it's so good to hear that you liked the flow and the POV! This was my first try at second person so it was a new style for me, and the flow was one of the things I focused on the most so I am glad you pointed it out! :) As for details about what people were doing - the piece is meant to be somewhat meditative and so it's not so much about what they're doing, just what George is thinking and feeling. He's not really doing anything. So basically, it's intentional. I hope that didn't take away from the story too much for you!
Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #21, by navyfail a meditation

30th May 2014:
Hello, I'm Sama! I'm here from the review exchange!

First off, how you used so few words but still managed to make this one-shot so effective in message and emotion is amazing!

I absolutely love how you weaved all these small little memories into your words. The fish and chips, the sand castle, the boulder... they all add on and build up to the last sentence.

Another thing I like is that you didn't focus on the pain but more about the grieving but at the same time finding inner peace. The setting, in my opinion, fits perfectly with what you were trying to capture. I can imagine tides and waves coming closer and then going back, it reminds me of his breathing (which I think you mentioned in there somewhere, now that I read over it again), the inhaling and exhaling, and how he thinks of Fred but then tells himself to be calm and relax.

The castle seems to be symbolic. Angelina and Lee built it and then in the end it washed away... it represents Fred in a way I think, though I'm not sure if you meant it that way. Or does it represent what George is feeling?

My favorite lines are:

"You look back at the sand castle. The tide is coming in, and begins to wash the castle into the sea."

"And so the wheel turns."

"Focus on the waves to numb the memory of that jarring impact on the castle wall, the tumbling stones, Fred laughing, Fred motionless."

All in all, I had a great time reading this!

10/10
~Sama

Author's Response: Hi, Sama!

Wow, thank you so much! I am so glad to hear that despite the short length it still conveys a lot of emotion. The 500 word challenge was pretty difficult as I can be a bit of a rambler and a 500 word limit doesn't allow any room for unnecessary words!

I thought memories were essential for this because George is kind of living in his head a bit, and really the whole piece focuses a lot on the passage of time. So thank you, it's wonderful to hear that despite the sombre tone of most of the story and the slightly whimsical memories, that they integrated seamlessly.

The comparison between breathing and the waves is one of the things I was really trying to point out so I'm glad you saw that too and that you liked it!

Yes, the sand castle was largely symbolic - though honestly, it was intentionally left vague as to what it represents - I wanted to leave it open to many interpretations and up to the reader to decide. ;) Personally, I saw it as simultaneously representing the tower of Hogwarts crumbling again in George's mind, and Fred rejoining the earth as nature cycles, but also Time gently washing away the grief and leaving room for hope. But various reviewers have given other interpretations which I like just as much! So it kind of means whatever you want it to mean.

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I really appreciate it, and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this story.


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Review #22, by Hats For House Elves a meditation

21st May 2014:
Ok here we go.

The style here is right for a 500 word story. description description, no dialogue so that is a plus to start with. Still, have you read this out loud? Every single word counts so it has to flow. You almost get it so that the pace of the words is like the ebb of the water but not quite. Reading out loud highlights the flow, which words trip readers up the ones you want to skip etc.

So your first sentence, read your version aloud, then read this. I've got rid of some commas and put in a second full stop then changed feeling to feel.

'You breathe in deeply and close your eyes. You feel the warmth of the sun on your face the salty breeze in your hair the soft, fine sand beneath your fingertips.'

Let your sentences flow...


The short paragraphs are good, the plot, don't think you can get away without a plot is as I read it; inhale - surroundings - pause - exhale - surroundings - pause - rush of emotion as the horror of losing something so fundamental resurfaces then - pause - Breath out as the emotions ebb away. Bring him back to the present. It'll be ok.

You have focused on the 'bring him back to the present it'l be ok' bit rather than the 'rush of emotions as memories resurface' which I would say is the natural running down a hill really building aspect to this story. It's the emotional kicker it's the backbone.

Two final points, I may be wrong but ', and' is a double pause in a sentence so you often need one or the other. It made me think, it made me feel. That is all I really want in a story.

Well done.

Hats

Author's Response: Hello, thank you so much for your review! That's such a good point about reading it out loud, it really does make a huge difference in getting the flow of the piece right.

Those are interesting stylistic suggestions you made. Unfortunately I can't change 'feeling' to 'you feel' as that puts it over 500 words (the goal was to have it at 500 exactly, which it is, despite that the counter says 502 for some reason grr.) but you're right it definitely changes the flow taking out the commas, makes it more fluid. I may consider taking out some commas now, I know I can be a bit comma-happy at times! So thanks for the idea.

yes, the point was more to bring him back to the present as he lets the really intense emotions slip away. I imagine this taking place after some months have passed.

I'll look for that double pause, that could easily be just my overusing commas haha. I am so glad to hear that this story made you think and feel, means I accomplished my goal. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!!


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Review #23, by Hogwarts27 a meditation

21st May 2014:
Hi, this was lovely, a very sensuous and thoughtful piece, and very well written. I don't usually think of Fred and George at the beach, but there's a timelessness to the ocean waves that fits this moment of reflection very well, both in looking back and with a sense of time going on. I liked the flashback to George building his first sandcastle with Fred and wanting to keep it that way. And the image at the end of the castle being washed apart by the waves. You really did the moment justice using only 500 words, and I really enjoyed reading it.

Author's Response: Hello there! What a wonderful surprise to see a review from you :D I am so glad you liked this, and that you could also feel the timelessness of the ocean and thought the reflections on the past kind of looks forward as well. Aw thank you, I'm glad you liked that imagery and thought the story did justice to the moment and all those feelings. Thanks so much for reading and for your review!!

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Review #24, by Lululuna a meditation

4th May 2014:
Hi Kristin! :) I'm finally here for your second prize review, and I'm so so sorry for taking this long!

Wow, I really loved this and how much you manage to pack into 500 words. I'm sure you've heard this already but it really is an accomplishment, and this story really doesn't feel rushed or incomplete at all. It's lovely, and the length in a way seemed to fit the simplicity of the moment.

When reading this, I felt like I could feel the sea breeze, and the waves coming in. It has that rich feel of an English outing to the seaside, like there could be a hint of rain coming in and like they're there more to feel the ocean's presence rather than to actually swim in it or lounge on the beach. That makes no sense now that I re-read it, but that's how I felt while reading this, so the way the English seaside was captured was very beautiful.

Something I loved about this was how it wasn't a depressing or upsetting story about Fred's death, but a loving remembrance and tribute to his life and the impact he had when he was alive. I've read quite a few stories where George acts out and goes through all these awful and obnoxious fazes of anger and grief, but this feels far more authentic: he's reached that point in his grieving cycle where he can be sad but still get on with his life at the same time, like the way the tide comes and goes. The simplicity of the moment, where he can remember Fred and be happy that they had those memories together, was such a unique but important way to show his grief.

I'm kind of guessing that this story might take place a few months after the battle of Hogwarts, judging by the weather and also the freshness of the scenes in George's mind. But then again, I suppose those images are something which never goes away. They were beautifully written, and the image of the bodies on the floor was enough to bring back the horror which would pervade the survivors' thoughts without needing to really explain it.

I liked how even though this was a contemplative story and more serious than some of your other stories, it still had that awesome quality of hinting at humour - and it fits with the twins perfectly. I loved the mentions of the twins teasing Ron, and how George is still able to laugh and have a good time despite the moments of grief. It feels perfect for his character.

It's a rubbish castle-not even worms would live in that kind of squalor. I especially adored this line, it sounded so much like George while also fitting in with the poetry and rhythm of the story's beautiful writing. Another thing which felt very in character was the friendship with Lee and Angelina. There were some really amazing details which brought not only the landscape, but the characters to life and how their bodies were interacting within that landscape: lovely details like Angelina's "brown feet" and "delicious, greasy fish and chips" which really added the element of realness and tangibility (is that a word?) to the story.

The message here of rebirth, of life going on, was so powerful and I liked how you tied it in with nature and how the state of nature reflected George's state of mind. I read another review on this story (because I'm cool and weirdly enjoy reading reviews) and somebody mentioned Wordsworth/the romantic poets and how they drew inspiration and emotion from nature, and this poem really does embody that. I especially loved the mentions of the waves coming in and out, and then the footsteps from other children - something told me that perhaps George might bring his children here someday and have them walk along those footsteps as well.

This was just a gorgeous story, Kristin - about growing up and moving on, and finding joy in the memory of a loved one. I loved every one of the 500 words of it! ♥

Author's Response: JENNA ♥

I've been sitting on this review for a couple of days now without any idea how to respond because it's just too lovely.

Thank you so much, I'm glad the 500 word limit didn't confine the story in any way. It's quite a challenge to use only 500 words that as it severely limits my natural tendency towards rambling! :P But in a way I don't think this story could have been any longer because I thought the simplicity suited it.

That's wonderful to hear that the description made you feel like you were there, and I totally know what you mean about 'feeling' the presence of the ocean in the English seaside. Where I live, the ocean is too cold to swim in, so that may be why :p But that's exactly the kind of feeling I was going for, so thanks!

your second paragraph really resonated with me, I'm glad you see it as a loving tribute to Fred. Much of George's state of mind in this fic is drawn from my own experiences of grief. I think that, like anyone really, George had that period of anger at the world and survivor's guilt and crushing sadness, but I think there's a lot more to explore with the stage after that, when he begins to accept what's happened, in this kind of new clarity when things can be happy and still sad at the same time and that's okay.

The humour aspect was one of the things I wasn't sure about at first - because the twins are basically synonymous with humour and fun, and writing a completely fun-less George felt wrong. And yeah, with a few months' passing since the battle, he's had time to recover a little so that he can sometimes find things funny again, like a sloppy castle not fit for worms. :P I'm glad you liked that line.

I'm also really glad you mentioned the rhythm of the story - as it focuses so much on the tide which is rhythmic, I was hoping to add some sense of rhythm to the sentences and the story flow, so it's nice to hear that I succeeded somewhat! Ah and thank you, your attention to detail is lovely and I'm so glad you liked that aspect.

I am thrilled to hear that the feeling of the cyclical nature of life and time was powerful, and all the associations with nature. I think the hugeness of nature sometimes reminds me how small we are in the grand sense of time and everything that happens everywhere - it seemed to fit together well. Clearly the Romantic poets knew what they were talking about. (And it's cool, I sometimes read other people's reviews too :P ) Aw, that's such a lovely thought to take away from this, that George might come here with his children later.

Gah, I can't thank you enough for this amazing review! I'm probably about to go over the word limit with all my gushing and rambling now. But thank youuu ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


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Review #25, by Veritaserum27 a meditation

2nd May 2014:
Hello!

I'm here for review tag!

I thought it would be fitting that I reviewed this story on May 2nd (it is still May 2nd where I live).

You've done a fantastic job with just a few words. I am really impressed. Within such small parameters, you have successfully described George's grief, very accurately. The way his mind switches between remembering times with his brother, being with his friends and trying to hold back the sadness.

Angelina and Lee are such a good release for George, trying their best to keep him distracted when they seem to know that they can only do so much, but they will never give up.

The constant reminder of the "last time" he did things with Fred tells us that his pain is still prominent. However, the presence of the sea and the footprints indicate that George is at the very beginning of accepting that his life will go on. I think you have done a great job of painting enough of the story to give us feelings and emotions, but also held off just enough to let the reader decide for themselves about how well George is doing.

Thank you so much for writing this story!

Beth (Veritaserum27)

Author's Response: haha, cool, it's still the 2nd here too!

Wow, thank you! That is so wonderful to hear that George's grief feels real despite the word limit, and I'm glad you liked the balance between memories with Fred and the present with Angelina and Lee.

I think Angelina and Lee are some of the best people that could have been with him during that time, because they understand him as they lost a good friend too, but they also know to give George space.

I really like what you said in the end there, and I think that is partly what I was going for in writing such a meditation-y fic, it really leaves it up to the reader to interpret. And I like your interpretation. That's how I see it too - it's still painful for him but he knows things will move on.

Thank you so much for this fantastic review, Beth!!


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