Reading Reviews for Brothers
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell A Gryffindor and a Slytherin

5th September 2015:
Hey there Maelody! Trying to read through all the Silver Scales nominations before I cast my votes (big congratulations, by the way!). And I really enjoyed this one.

Harpy--I just loved this. That seems exactly the sort of name that the Blacks would give a House Elf, and it's very in line with "Kreacher". It was so sad, about how Sirius was trying to help--though perhaps he was a bit less interested in helping than rebelling? But I'm sure he thought he was doing the right thing--but then poor Harpy was so distraught! Still, that was such an awful house. I truly hope she found a better place to go. She'd have been unhappy there, surely, either way.

They didn't purposefully try to fight in the halls, and Sirius made sure to check his future girlfriends' family House lineage.
--this just cracked me up! I loved the idea of Sirius thinking about taking some girl out, but then having to stop to consult the record books and make sure her family members weren't in Slytherin/likely to harm Regulus. I'm envisioning something now with Lily or Marlene or something, like,

-"Hey, Sirius, my friend Alyssa is really into you, and she wants me to try to set you up. Would you be interested?"

-"Yeah, I'm gonna need a photo on the application, as well as a full family history, on my desk before the next Hogsmeade weekend. I'll have my people contact your people." :D

"He only did that because you and your stupid Marauder friends made him mad! I was trying to stick up for you!">
--this BROKE my HEART

"WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?" Walburga screamed from upstairs.
--this was a great allusion her portrait!

"Sirius, please!"
--during the argument, when Regulus is still hoping for all this to stop, to be able to keep Sirius safe and home and alright and it just was--oh!


So, I always try to give CC, as a rule, because as a writer I find it super helpful. However, you're totally free to take or leave it! It's just my opinion.

At the time Sirius didn't know it, but sticking up for his brother that day helped resolve what was left of their relationship.
--For some reason "resolve" doesn't seem to quite complete the sentence. It seems like it needs more. Like, it resolves into what? Into something stronger? More functional? It would be good to explain, just a little, what it is resolving into, because otherwise the end of the sentence just seems to kind of dangle.

But something told Sirius he was reaching out to the young boy.
--It seems like this should maybe be, "Something told Sirius he was reaching the young boy," or "getting through to the young boy." Because he'd know if he was reaching out to him--that would just mean he was making an effort. But it seems like what you're meaning to convey is that Sirius feels he's having some effect.

demanding one of the house elves to reheat his eggs.
--this should probably be either, "demanding that one of the house elves reheat his eggs," or "commanding one of the house elves to reheat his eggs."

and Sirius was eating as uncomfortable as ever.
--there should be a comma after "eating".

What I really loved about this fic was how you portrayed the brothers. This might be the best portrayal I've ever read of the two of them. I love how, even in such a short fic, you make their relationship go through phases. I love how, when they're young, Regulus looks up to Sirius. Then when he's left alone with his parents, he begins to follow their line and drift away from his brother. But the way Sirius is there to defend him, even after everything, is so great, and I love that their relationship, while still imperfect, begins to be repaired. And then that just grows and grows until Regulus is the one saving Sirius. And they disagree, but they still try to be there for one another. Sirius tries to prove that there is another way, and that all this is wrong, and he calls out his dad's cowardice--like GOOD POINT! I was practically clapping! Called OUT, Orion Black! :P And Regulus legitimately respects his brother's independence. And he loves him enough to save his life. And just through it all, despite their differences and the fact that their views disappoint one another, their relationship still matters. They are still brothers. And I just LOVE that! It was great.

Sorry. I haven't been this gushy in a while. I hope that made sense. But this story made me really sad, and really happy, and it was just great! Good work, and congrats again on your nomination!


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Review #2, by Flower n Prongs A Gryffindor and a Slytherin

17th March 2015:
I want to start out by saying that I loved the beginning flashback. It is clear that Regulus looks up to his older brother and wants to treat him better than their parents do. I also found it interesting that young Sirius didn’t just have the goal of not being in Slytherin, but that he specifically wanted to be in Gryffindor. It does make sense, but I had never really considered exactly what Sirius was hoping for.

The fact that Sirius freed Harpy the elf by giving her his own sock was a nice tie in to Harry and Dobby in later years was unexpected and made me smile. Like godfather like godson.

The middle passage was so sad. The fact that Sirius saw his little brother slipping away after being sorted into Slytherin and then giving up hope as he made friends with the other kids in the house made me hurt for him.

The contrast between the two brothers (red vs. green, rebel vs. listening to parents, in detention for pranks vs. in detention for cruelty) was lovely. The fact that you had them turn things around after Sirius helped his brother was bittersweet, knowing that it wouldn’t last. It did make them seem more real, though, like actual people who were trying to balance their brotherly relationship with their own opinions and desires.

I was not expecting the end. I figured you might show Sirius’s decision to move out, but I was not expecting it to unfold the way it did. The fact that Regulus risked everything for his brother and even mouthed the word “Potter” to show Sirius that he did have somewhere to go was surprising but fit. You built their relationship up enough that this made sense, despite their differences.

I really enjoyed this. Great job!

- Rhaenyra
(for the HPFF fundraising review challenge)

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Review #3, by Rumpelstiltskin A Gryffindor and a Slytherin

23rd March 2014:
Hey there!

I'm really excited for this, I love the Sirius-Regulus complex :D.

That being said, I love that single kind memory between the brothers in the beginning. Of course Regulus would be upset that his older brother would be leaving him for Hogwarts for a good portion of the year! I think it was not only sweet that Sirius gave Regulus a Gryffindor pendant, but also kind of symbolic. Sirius was attempting to give Regulus some bravery to face the house, and their parents, without him :(! Oh feels.

Regulus is in a pickle once Sirius leaves, though. Not only would he feel abandoned, but he'd have his parents around him to influence him. At that age, watching your parents pretty much despise your own brother for several simple reasons -- including his House and his differing opinions on blood purity -- it would be easy to sway Regulus' opinion, even if it was only out of fear that HE would be unloved by his parents, as they were the only ones remaining a constant in his life (because Sirius left him). Therefore, I can definitely see why Regulus would act differently towards Sirius upon his return home.

At least they did have some peace between themselves, when Sirius stood up for Regulus that day...and it showed later on during the giant fight at their parent's house.

I really think you played out how Sirius ended up living with the Potters very well. I love the fight, the argument about Voldemort, Regulus' attempt to help Sirius (because it really seems like Regulus is frightened for his brother's safety more than anything), Sirius' departure, and the pivotal moment where Regulus is left to his parent's devices...when we know how this will all turn out.

This was fantastic! :D


Author's Response: *Squee* You're the best! :3

Can I just say that for your first two paragraphs of the review, that is PERFECTLY ON THE SPOT WHAT I WAS GOING FOR AND YOU JUST MADE MY WHOLE DAY BY SHOWING MY THAT IT WENT BY COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY UNDERSTOOD! OK, that caps lock thing can retire now. I'll go back to normal! :3

Anyway, I am extremely pleased beyond compare that you can point this out perfectly the way my mind worked when writing this. I always fear that I get too wordy, or lose the interest of the reader, or even make short lapses over the original point I was trying to make (something I was extremely awful at very early on in my writing). So seeing this honestly does make my whole life loads better! Thank you so much!

Yes! I always love when readers say things like that! I try for canon, it's my favorite. So when you can imagine it happening that way, I get all gooey excited on the inside. :3

Again, seriously, you're the best. This review made my whole day and I'm so glad that you loved the story!


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Review #4, by LittleLionGirl A Gryffindor and a Slytherin

17th March 2014:
Wow Mae! This really was a great one-shot! I really do love both of the Black brothers so a story with them together was absolutely amazing! I love the fact that even though they both seemed to almost hate one another, they had to protect each other. The story isn't just about house unity, but brotherhood. Your characterization was spot on. I like the fact Regulus wasn't the "wrong place wrong time" child, but that he actually made his own choices, even though he was influenced by his parents. When Sirius had to leave I just felt a pang in my chest for the two boys. You did a lovely job Mae and served us snakes well!

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you loved how the two worked together because honestly, I think it's the first time I've ever written either one of them in a main character setting, so I was pretty nervous when it came to turning it in! Glad to do the House proud, though! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!


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