Reading Reviews for You Are My Sunshine
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Lululuna Ariana

26th May 2014:
Hello! :)

First of all, I'm really impressed with how although this is only 500 words, it feels complete and very whole, if that makes sense. I don't think you need to add any more content to make the message come through any stronger. The idea of focusing on Percival was such a unique take on that era and the Dumbledore family as I feel like he often gets pushed aside and of course what he did would have had a huge impact on the family.

Wow, that ending is so chilling and the change in the song lyrics really stands out and has such an ominous impact. I like the idea that Ariana wanted her father to be kind, but that her being hurt was the one thing which he couldn't bear. The light imagery and mentions of sunshine throughout were really great as well.

In a way, I think what Percival did was selfish. Because he was so enraged and couldn't control himself, he shut himself away in Azkaban and away from being there for Ariana. It's like he's so focused on his love for her that he couldn't see the bigger picture, and that revenge is far less important than supporting his daughter. Part of me wondered if he might have been aware of this, and if whether Ariana was so changed after her accident that he couldn't bear to be around her anymore, and so the only path for him was revenge and imprisonment. I'm not really sure, but it definitely could be read that way, especially with the last line and how it indicates that Ariana, his sunshine, is gone, even if the shell of the girl is still there. Interesting.

This was such a great story and so original - I really enjoyed it! :D

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Review #2, by Red_headed_juliet Ariana

25th April 2014:
I did like it! I do, I do!

I sing this song to my son sometimes at night, as a lullaby, so it was especially touching to read it here.

The last line sums things up perfectly. We don't need anymore description, because we all know what happened. The lead up was very well planned.

Good job! And good luck in the challenge!

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Review #3, by paper_girl Ariana

18th April 2014:
Hi there! I absolutely love this. Honestly, it is beautifully written and the way you incorporated song lyrics into this makes it incredible.

I especially adore how this is about Percival and his opinion on his daughter. The way you wrote it sheds some light on how he could have felt and why he had done it.

It's just absolutely brilliant!

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Review #4, by patronus_charm Ariana

20th March 2014:
Wah, I was so excited when I quickly read it because I adore the whole Dumbledore family and the 500 word challenge, and yeah Iím sorry I couldnít review right away but maybe it was a good thing as I was a little too excited then :P

This was such a sad story. Iíve never read a story from Percivalís perspective before and Iím so glad that I read this because it really made me think of him in a new light. The song lyrics is really what made it here for me because it showed such a sombre and sincere side to him, as he had such a range of emotions from love to guilt and they were all brilliantly written for such a small piece and they just merged together really well.

One thing which shone through and worked really well with the lyrics and the title was how much he loved his family and they were you interspersed good and bad memories really created a complex story with so many layers so it was really interesting to read. I think the way you started off with the lighter memories such as her being this golden girl like her mother, the person she loved, and then moved onto the darker ones was a really good idea as it created this ominous and foreboding feel while reading it which was great.

I think the thing I loved most about this story considering the size of it was how developed all of the characters were and how I got a sense of them. There was Kendra when he recounted how Ariana looked like her and you could clearly see she was always someone he would love. Then Arianaís bright and bubbly personality who just wanted to play rather than forced to do magic was a lovely change from the sad and docile girl I tend to see, then the cheekiness of the boys contrasted really well with the pure love Percival had for his family and how he never really wanted to let them go.

I canít even talk about the incident Ė itís too sad as they were just such a lovely family beforehand. I really loved this story and it you used the second person POV in such an interesting way and it really made me look at the dynamic differently which was what I wanted the challenge to do, so thank you for that and this fab entry!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Yay! I hope I do this justice, and it's no problem that you couldn't review right away! I didn't respond to this for a while, so everything's good! :)

Aw, well that's what I was going for, so I'm sorry if I'm not actually sorry. :P Yeah, I've never really seen anything through Percival's POV, so I think that's why I chose him. And yay! I'm glad you liked the emotions! Thank you so much for the beautiful compliments!

Oh, I'm so glad you saw the love Percival has for his family! And yay! I'm glad you caught the whole light to dark thing!

I'm so happy you said the characters were developed. I'm so glad I was able to pull that off in 500 words! I'm so happy you saw all the little details of the other Dumbledores in there as well.

I try not to think about the incident, so I'm in the same boat. Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments and compliments, and thank you so much for this wonderful challenge, because without it I never would have dreamed of something like this.

Thank you!
Lo :)


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Review #5, by TidalDragon Ariana

19th March 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by in response to your review request.

So first things first, I don't normally read song-fics. I suppose different people define that differently, but generally, given the title and overt use of lyrics I would classify this under that heading.

Nevertheless, I'm not merciless, and it actually turns out that I really like a lot of what you did here despite that, especially taking a very atypical character and looking at his relationship with Ariana, the focus of one of the miniaturized tragedies of the series.

I thought the first two paragraphs nicely captured Percival before his "fall" and natural emotions that a father would have about his daughter. That carried through really until about mid-way through the last paragraph, when I just wanted something more I couldn't quite place in terms of his own thoughts on his undoing. The bit about Ariana trying to temper his growing anger was great, but maybe following it with more despondency and regret could have been more powerful. I guess for me it just felt like you set it up very well and I was wanting an even more melancholy ending of your own words before you hit us with the final line of the song, if that makes sense?

At any rate, I hope the review helped!

Author's Response: Hi!

So sorry! I've read song fics that have a lot of lyrics in them, and since I've adhered to the three line rule, I didn't think this was a song fic, thank you so much for reviewing this anyways, you are such a doll, I AM SO SORRY!!! :S

I'm glad you liked the first two paragraphs! While I do appreciate the comments about the last paragraph, and I do believe that it would make it nice, what I wanted for the fic was to lead up to Percival's snap, which is why you would attack someone.

But I do appreciate the feedback. It does make sense, but just not for this fic. And this did help, thank you so much!

This was a very beautiful review, thank you!
Lo:)


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Review #6, by MyMyMiss Ariana

17th March 2014:
oh wow I can't believe you only have 1 review on this story! I am def going to recommend it over at the forums later! because this was incredible!!

I love reading underloved/very rarely mentions characters because we don't know much about them which gives the writer the chance to explore new area's of that characters and their personality, and the feel of their characters.

I really felt like you as a writer, connected really well with what you wrote here. It was beautifully written, and exceptionally deep. So little words and yet I understood everything with all the emotions you wrote into this.

Amazing story hun! You should write more like these, I think! Short, quick and yet full of perfection! You're amazing!!

~MMM

-blackout review.

Author's Response: Hello!

Aw, that's so sweet! I love writing for under appreciated/under written characters because, as you said, I get to explore so many things that are part of canon but still aren't.

Oh thank you so much! I'm glad you got everything, because I was a little worried what with the word limit that readers wouldn't, so that's great!

Thank you so much! I'm thinking of focusing on one-shots since they get such great reception, so thank you so much for this wonderful review!

Lo:)


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Review #7, by teh tarik Ariana

16th March 2014:
Hello there :) I have about one million other things that I should be reading but I saw your status update about a Percival and Ariana story and couldn't resist! I love stories about the Dumbledore family; there's so much mystery about them and it's always interesting to read other people's interpretations of this very complex family.

Anyway, I loved this. It was so sad :( But I think you did a great job conveying the extent of Percival's adoration and doting on his daughter; in fact, I don't think I've ever come across a fic written through the perspective of Percival Dumbledore. Percival is a wonderful character here - loving, gentle, and he adores his family, that much is clear. I also like your portrayal of him as a more forward-thinking man, as shown in his very early decision to allow Ariana to grow into her own self, unhindered by constrictive Victorian social conventions. Including those customs associated with love and marriage. It's a wonderful thing to see that Percival prizes his daughter's happiness and freedom above all.

You had such lovely lines of description as well. Ariana's presence in your fic was such a radiant one, and it really is heartbreaking thinking about her fate, and how that awful childhood incident with the Muggle boys will magically incapacitate her for life as well as shatter the whole family. I think you made a great choice incorporating the song into the fic, and altering the last line to reflect on the tragedy of the ending.

And the details with the other members of the Dumbledore family were wonderful as well: Aberforth with the goat :P and Albus with his books and Kendra with her pearls. Before the incident, the Dumbledores seemed like such a normal family.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your story! For such a short fic, you've really packed a lot of sentiment into it; the second person POV use made the whole fic read like a really beautiful love-letter from father to daughter...a love-letter with a very tragic ending. Great work!

-teh

Author's Response: Hi teh!

Well I appreciate you reading this instead of others! Yay for the Dumbledores, am I right? I'm hoping you like my interpretation, since I've taken some liberties with Percival...

Oh yay! Well, I'm sad that you're sad... well maybe not! Emotions! I live for these! Yay! I'm glad I was able to show Percival's love for Ariana! And I'm so glad you like my characterization of him! Usually I see him as a harsh man, but most fathers are absolute darlings to their little girls, right?

Good description? I guess I'm either writing description well or I write dialogue... It seems I can never get those two to coincide, but I'm glad you liked the description in this! :) Ariana is so sad, isn't she? As for the song, I'm glad you liked its inclusion! I was a little iffy about the last part, but it seems I made a good decision!

Ooh, the little details! I like those! Yes, well aren't all families relatively normal before the big bad thing happens?

Thank you so much, this review was so amazing! Your comparison of it to a love letter from father to daughter is amazing for me and this has just been an incredible review!

Thank you so much!
Lo :)


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