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Reading Reviews for Expecto Patronum
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by zealousVisionary Ginny Weasley

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

This was a really interesting idea that I was drawn to right away, and I really enjoyed the first paragraph. This was a nice chapter, although I have a few pieces of constructive criticism.

I would say that you definitely have a good story idea structure so far. What I would suggest is adding a little more meat to the bones if your story. I think that adding more detail and dialogue would help grab the attention of the reader, and make your story even better.

There were also a few grammar mistakes in your fic. Like the reviewer before me suggested, I would recommend adding a space between periods and commas and the next letter of the sentence/new sentence. Putting your story through a word processor like Microsoft Word or Google Drive helps by highlighting errors and as a writer, is very helpful to me and something I would recommend to everyone.

All in all, awesome story- I really liked the way you portrayed Ginny's emotions- that aspect of your story was done quite well (plus, I love reading the Harry/Ginny pairing) Nice job on your first fanfic- I will definitely be reading more of your work!

Author's Response: Thank you!
About adding detail and dialogue-
You're not the first person who's told me that but the problem is, I started writing essays and then moved on to stories but in essays dialogue is not used so even in stories my style remained the same but I'm working on it :). But I'll definitely be adding more detail.
About the editing/formatting problem-
I will try using Google Drive but I don't have MS Word on my laptop :(
Thanks again and I will definitely be reading your stories :)


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Review #2, by HEG Neville Longbottom and Hannah Abott

18th March 2014:
I read the first chapter and I liked it so I read this one. I remember Hannah Abott from the first book when she was sorted into Hufflepuff and you don't hear from her since so this was interesting. I quite like the fact you've put a little twist that Hannah marries Neville.
Great Job!
HEG ;)

Author's Response: Thx a lot. Hannah marrying Neville is not my twist, JKR said it in an interview and I got the info from Harry Potter Wiki. Are the letters HEG or just random letters. Just curious :)

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Review #3, by HEG Ginny Weasley

15th March 2014:
1/10 for Gryffindor/ Slytherin blackouts

Hi! I can't belive that this is your first ever fanfiction. You must have written original stories before because this is really good. Your plot is a amazing idea.

I was a bit confused at the start as to why Ginny was seeing lots of patronuses. Did I miss something or was is supposed to be mysterious. Anyway, even though I didn't really get that bit, it was very well written - you should be proud of yourself. I really like how you've explained all Ginny's thoughts and feelings and then you've told us what's happening and why she is there and all that. You've used good description and the perfect words for every sentance.

Just to point it out though, you haven't left spaces between you full stops and commas. Example:

Instaed of this,

He went to the park.He played on the swings.

It should be this,

He went to the park. He played on the swings.

But all in all you've done an awsome job on this story. Keep it up!

HEG

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for this. And you didn't miss anything in the HP books. I wanted to do a scene where Ginny's patronus does something heroic but there wasn't one in the book or at least I didn't notice it so I created one of my own. As for the punctuation problem, I don't type very often so I didn't know how to...you know do stuff. Lastly this is my first time writing a fan fiction however I have always had good creative writing skills.
Thanks again you've made my day.


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