Reading Reviews for A Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Roisin In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

11th August 2015:

Bahahahahaha, like all relationships based on lies and manipulation, they fell in love. Genius.

YES a reference to Auror's Kitchen! Fantastic!

Man this story is so brilliant. It made me have to go back and read the first chapter and then I fell in love all over again. I wish I could favorite it a thousand, million times! You are just so, so good at parody!

YOU SHOULD WRITE A SCOROSE PARODY. Do it do it do it! It would make me so happy!


Author's Response: A sequel indeed. I'm kind of like Hollywood in that I'll write a totally unplanned sequel just because the first one was well received. So I hope this sequel stands up better than the random 4th Indiana Jones movie. :P

I will admit that sometimes I do enjoy a fake-dating story if it's written well, but they are such a cliche idea that I couldn't keep my satiric pen away from it.

Haha, glad you enjoyed that reference. I couldn't resist!

Wah, thank you so much!! ♥ ♥ I consider you to be one of the best authors on HPFF and having you say such great things about my silly writing is like WHOA.

YES I SHOULD. Omg, I hadn't even considered writing a Scorose parody but now I really want to! (and in fact, since you mention it, I'm just days away from posting a new parody, though this one isn't scorose) But if/when I do write a Scorose parody, it'll be for you! :)

Thanks for your review!! ♥

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Review #2, by alicia and anne In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

29th July 2015:
I absolutely love that Draco's favourite tv programme is dancing with the stars! I bet he wishes that he was a contestant! Oh Draco! I feel your pain! Noone makes my toast for me either :( And it makes me oh so sad. I WISH THAT I HAD THOUGHT TO BUY A PARROT TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME! Although I suppose it's good I haven't so that the parrot doesn't yell at me either.

That is one sassy parrot! Lyra is brilliant!



Of course Hermione is wearing seven-inch stilettos, She has to! Now she's so tall and powerful!






Hahahah omg! Salty Jean! Hahahah

THIS WAS JUST PURE BRILLIANCE! I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING! You have such an amazing talent! Please just write lots of stories like this!

Author's Response: Wah, thank you so much for this amazing surprise review! It made me laugh out loud (actually out loud, not just the LOL where you sit at the computer with a straight face and type "LOL", but a real LOL with sound). I just love the amount of enthusiasm in it. :D

You're so right, Draco TOTALLY wishes he was a contestant in DWTS. Haha, learn from Draco's mistakes and don't opt for the parrot - maybe get a raven or some bird that doesn't know how to talk that is still intelligent enough to make toast for you. :P

Omg, I kind of died laughing when I first read the glen coco line in your review and I'm laughing at it again as I re-read it. I kind of want to copy and paste it and just make it the whole story summary.

Thank you so much for this review, and your compliments!! As for lots of stories like this, I have written several other absurd humour stories (and working on another one... can't stop won't stop)

This review was so great. Thank you ♥

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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

20th July 2015:
For the House Cup 2015, Penny

This story is everything I never knew I wanted and desperately needed. I don't really know exactly what just happened, but I do know that I never stop smiling. I dearly love a good Dramione, but I also dearly love poking fun at my favorite things, and you've done it so well here! Draco is a Muggle pirate, who can use the internet but not the toaster! Hermione is wearing shoes that are more suited to weaponry! Everyone's on a pirate ship. Genghis Khan built a flying yurt! Look, it's just...incredible. That's the only word for all this. It's really something.

Highlight reel: "I know exactly vhat you mean," said Viktor sympathetically. "After the year vhen I vas simultaneously an international Qvidditch star, a student trying to pass my exams in another language, and a Trivizard champion, being only a Qvidditch star has become dull."
--ohmygosh i am crying

Sparks flew between them, which destroyed Draco's new toaster

The toaster saga as a subplot is really remarkable. So I had to remark upon it. What excellent use of Muggle artifacts for comedic purpose.


Author's Response: Penny!!! Thank you so much for the review(s) and I'm so sorry it's taken me ages to respond! This review though - it really made my day. I am glad you found what you never knew you needed, in this story. Hehe, I love to poke fun at my favourite things too and I appreciate it when people like my poking fun at their favourite things as well :P

So glad you enjoyed all the time traveling, fashionable, swashbuckling silliness of this story, especially the toaster saga! It is kind of like its own character. (A reviewer a while back even wanted to start a Krum/Toaster ship for that scene when Krum holds the toaster. :P but I digress.)

This review really made me smile and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving this wonderful review! ♥

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Review #4, by Lostmyheart In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

13th January 2015:
Omg. What did I just read?!?!?!?!

I am crying now, I've been laughing so hard! Seriously, your humor is so amazing and incredibly random at times. I LOVE IT!
Of course their ship is called Dramione. Omg.

That parrot of his, and his bare feet, and his want to be a pirat. WHAT. I laughed so hard, I tried to supress them into sniggers, so others wouldn't hear me. Probably why I'm crying now. It's not healthy to supress laughter. It comes out of the eyes *_*

I love this story. I love the jokes. And the way you narrate the whole thing. Yay for the Mongolian wizard!
And I noticed your hint to Titanic ;) Nie touch.

Gah. I must read the second chapter, but I suspect I might die of laughter this time. Like, really die. Of happiness.


Author's Response: haha, your first line seems to be the reaction of most people on reading this story :P

Aw, thank you - I am so glad you enjoyed it! The random comes from having written this on a long bus ride and I was a bit tired and loopy :P

you wouldn't believe how long it took for me to actually come up with the ship name haha. (Too long.) And then it seemed so obvious :p

I'm so glad the story made you laugh so much, and that you enjoyed the corny jokes and references to Titanic and random historical emperors saving the day. I'm also glad that they were laugh tears, and not tears that I destroyed Dramione :P *hands over tissue*

This review made my day so much. Thank you!!! (And also thanks for recommending the story on the forums omg!)

♥ ♥ ♥

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Review #5, by (Your very late) Secret Santa In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

8th January 2015:
I seriously have to give Kudos to you Kristin to be able to write parodies! This is such a laugh but I know I would struggle so much with writing anything that wasn't 100% serious with a proper and accurate plot instead of just being like "eh, will see how it goes with this idea and these characters"

Because you get something like this and it turns out awesome!

That Monty Python reference, made me very happy :D

Typical Ron though would get himself lost both in a castle and in time as well, and to have Genghis Khan save him! What a story. Bravo! *claps loudly*

Lots of fun reading these two little stories, must've been lots of fun to write :D

Secret Santa x

Author's Response: Aw, thank you! Parodies are what happen when I don't want to put much coherent thought into my writing haha. If it makes you feel better, I struggle with serious proper plots so we're even. :p

So glad you liked the Monty Python reference, I couldn't resist! :p

I've found that the best adventures happen from getting lost. Lucky Ron getting lost both in time and in his own house. :p

I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and yes it was a blast to write ;) Thanks so much for your reviews! ♥

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Review #6, by (Your very late) Secret Santa In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

8th January 2015:
I had to read this because I'm a sucker for Dramione *wink wink*

This story has actually made my morning, what a laugh! i loved how it took all the things that people hate about Dramione, and everything you possibly could imagine up and just squashed it into a story with a funny parody plot that still made sense and came to a roundabout good ending! All the small references made me laugh so much and loved how you popped in the Mongolian Wizard, almost as extra added comic relief, honestly, so much fun :)

I loved also how you made the characters natural, but with a parodist paradigm- Victor was a dance coach, Draco was still a pureblood at heat but living as a muggle pirate Hermione was being girrlly. The little time snippets between Hermione and Victor made me giggle!

I must see what you have written for the next story! What a great way to start my morning! Ah that was so funny :D What a fantastic, funny take of Dramione :)

Secret Santa x

Author's Response: Hehehe, thank you so much! This is about as close to Dramione as I can get :P so I'm glad you appreciated it despite it's ridiculousness.

Aw, I'm so happy to hear that this story made your morning! :) Glad you liked the combination of all the familiar Dramione aspects with the absurd plot and random pop culture references - good to hear it actually made sense too! :p

Pirate Draco was definitely my favourite to write. :p I'm glad you liked the exaggerated version of everyone haha!

Thank you so much for your review and I'm glad you liked this Dramione parody :)

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Review #7, by EnigmaticEyes16 In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

21st December 2014:
Hi! I am here for our swap! And first off, I have to ask, is this supposed to be a spoof? Because it seems very much like a spoof. I mean, just in the first couple paragraphs, we learn Draco has decided to live as a muggle, his favorite TV show is Dancing with the Stars, and he has parrot that talks like a human being and makes toast... so... yeah.

But it's still hilarious!

I love how Hermione wears giant heels now. I mean, 7 to 9 nice inch heels? I'd probably kill myself just attempting to walk, lol. And there's a thing going on between her and Krum, and more dancing... what? It's so weird.

I love how Draco just walks around town with no shoes, an eye patch, and a toaster. And then he walks into Krum's dance studio and just joins in. And sparks fly between Hermione and him, even though they are not totally in love yet.

But the next time he shows up they are definitely in love! And then their married.

And then it just gets weirder! I don't even know where you come up with this stuff! I love the random tidbits about the Mongolian guy flying around the world.

And Draco and Hermione become pirates and the parrot is the captain of the Dramonie! lol. Go figure. Although, the Dramonie seems like a legit ship name. And they all loot cities and free house elves, of course! I love the cannon fight with howlers and the reminder of Scabbers. I also love the movie references. "Nobody puts Draco Malfoy in the corner" and the snipe at the Titanic about how two people can fit on large peice of wood.

And Hermione is called Salty Jean now, I literally burst out laughing at that. But it's still kind of catchy, too.

And if there were any mistakes, I didn't notice them, either because this was written perfectly or I thought it was all too funny and ridiculous to pay close attention to grammar and spelling.

Anyway, I loved all of this! And I will definitely be reading the second chapter. But not tonight, because I should really get some sleep.

Thanks so much for doing this swap with me and good luck to you on your reviewing goals!


Author's Response: Hehe. Yep, it's definitely a parody, it's a collection of all cliches stuck together combined with a completely nonsensical plot and characters. It's definitely not intended to be good, just silly. :p I'm so glad you thought it was hilarious!

Yep, 9 inch heels, instant falling in love, dancing, a toaster, and random asides about Genghis Khan in a roaming yurt. I'm all about realism. :p

Haha, I'm so glad you liked the bit about the pirate ship and their noble work. And yes, there could be no other name for Draco and Hermione's actual ship than 'Dramione'. (I actually did spend a good while pondering a name for their ship before the obvious answer hit me, haha.) So glad you liked the movie references too :D

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this and that it made you laugh. Thanks for the swap! And good luck to you as well on your review goal ;)

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Review #8, by Moonyxluna In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

14th December 2014:
This was wonderful.. I need to go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail again now.. lol!

Ron's whole narrative voice was so entertaining. I love the random Muggle things he keeps in his pocket, and that you still included some of the characterizations that he gets in Dramione stories.

And the Mongolian yurt man returns! hahaha.

This was SO entertaining. I really want a whole story about Mad-Eye Moody having a cooking show.



Author's Response: Omg wow all these reviews from you today, you spoil me! Thank you!!!

So glad you enjoyed Ron's narrative voice and the random Muggle things. I always see characters with Muggle mobile phones in fics and it confuses me, haha.

Genghis Khan the yurt man saves the day! Or at least saves Ron from getting lost in his own house.

Ahaha, funny you should ask about the cooking show story, because it exists! XD It's called Death Eater's Kitchen, the only story on my AP with a worse banner than this one :p

Thanks so much for your review!

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Review #9, by Moonyxluna In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

14th December 2014:
I had to go for this one :p the banner drew me in with all of it's parodic forces.

Draco living as a muggle! There's a sight. And two paragraphs in and Draco owns a parrot.

The level of sarcastic author intertwined in the prose of this story is brilliant, and makes this. I love the absolute destruction of the fourth wall. And the literal sparks ruining Draco's toaster. I definitely laughed out loud at the line from Dirty Dancing.

And the Mongolian wizard. (admittedly I had to Google what a 'yurt' was, but when I got the mental image it was hilarious)

I don't read Dramione too often, but I do love Dramione parodies, and this one was no exception. I love how you put all of the little jabs in with this insane tale, with the sudden love and the sparks. And naming the actual ship in the story as 'Dramione'.

This was fantastic; ridiculously fantastic.

moving on!


Author's Response: My talent in MS Paint rivals that of Van Gogh. :P

bahaha I'm so glad you enjoyed the idea of Draco as a muggle with a parrot! The argument could be made that Lyra owns Draco, but he seems to think otherwise.

Thank you! I'm really happy to hear that you liked the absurd narration and pop culture references and all the patently unrealistic things that happened.

Yurts are the coolest! :D

I love Dramione parodies. ahaha, I'm so glad you enjoyed this, thank you so much for reading and I hope it didn't melt away your brain with its utter silliness :p

Thanks for your review!

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Review #10, by Felpata Lupin In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

24th November 2014:
This is the craziest thing I've ever read!
I've been laughing so hard throughout all the story that I'm crying...
How did you come up with this, Kristin? How?!?
I don't think I could write a coherent review, so let's just say that this was absolutely fantastic!
Love, hugs and kisses!

Author's Response: Heheheh. I really don't know - things I write when I'm tired tend to just be zany. Oh, no need to write a coherent review when the story itself isn't coherent :P But thank you - I'm so glad this made you laugh! :D
♥ Thanks for your review!

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Review #11, by LightLeviosa5443 In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

17th November 2014:
Oh. My. Goodness.

I have never laughed so hard reading anything in my entire life. That was absolutely positively the funniest story I've ever read.

I admire your ability to write something so ridiculous and nonsensical and have it still come out to be a good story! I mean, the pacing was a little fast :P But obviously very realistic.

I'm still laughing. If you actually went crazy writing this I wouldn't be surprised. Teach me how?

I really enjoyed the fact that Lyra spoke perfect English. It was a very nice touch. Okay, no, I have absolutely nothing coherent to say about this story :P That was just. I don't even know. That just was. Okay, but seriously Lyra was probably my favorite character in the whole story.

Also, I didn't know that this was a parody so when I first started reading I was REALLY confused. But it's okay because I understand now. :P

Great job, this was perfectly hilarious! Thanks for swapping with me!

xoxo Sarah

Author's Response: Hi Sarah! Haha, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it that much and that it made you laugh!

The pacing was fast? You think 3.4 seconds was too fast for realistic feelings of love to develop? Nonsense. I swear it happens that way. :p

I'd be glad to teach you how. Here's how to write a story like this: write when you're tired, and let your brain dump whatever nonsense onto the page, and then don't edit it. Voilà! XD

Lyra is a highly educated parrot. I think she would have been in Ravenclaw, if, you know, birds were allowed to be students at Hogwarts.

So glad you enjoyed this - thanks so much for the swap! ♥

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Review #12, by patronus_charm In Which the Rest of the Story Is Revealed

11th November 2014:
Haaai Kristin! ♥

ohmygodohmygodohmygod = me after reading this because wah I just love your mind and want to live it in forever as it's just so fabulous.

Anyhow, I should probably write something more constructive than that so here I go! :P

Wah, wah, wah, Eloise Midgen as a socialite. That has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever read and I love how she's so rich and important here because I bet if that was actually true she would have had a lot more friends at Hogwarts. I loved how you described her entire backstory though as it was so funny and interesting, especially the bit where she was going to a ball for everyone less than Harry Potter, that tiny bit just cracked me up for no reason. :P

So Ron and Eloise then? I never did see that pairing coming but I thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless. Poor Ron, still pining away over Hermione that he had to resort to getting a fake girlfriend but at least the true love lightening bolt struck this pair otherwise it would have been a little awkward. But wah they live in Bavaria that's so cool and there's sauerkraut which makes it even cooler and then there was some time travel too which just made the cool levels hit the roof.

Whaaat? Whaat? Whaaat? Genghis Khan? Whaaat? Is all I can to that, but whoo I loved it because who doesn't love Mongolian conquerors popping in FF with a yurt business, right? :P I loved him as a character though as he just cracked me up so much and whoo for him saving Ron. It does sound like quite a cool service he is offering and I almost wish it was real as that could be really useful.

A fab story and whoo for Eloise and Ron getting a happy ending as everyone needs some love! ♥


Author's Response: Hahahaha omg, living in my mind. It's a weird place I tell you - full of useless facts and cat videos, and sometimes stories that don't make sense. :P

Haha, so glad you enjoyed Eloise as a socialite! I feel like after her rather difficult teenage years with people teasing her, it was only fair that she turned out to be fabulous. XD

Ron and Eloise yep - this is the true background story of the great pirate ship Eloiseley that was the Dramione's rival in the first chapter haha. Indeed, all the true love in this story is instant. I mean, because it's realistic and that's the way real life works, right? :P Time travel and sauerkraut - who needs anything more?

Hahaha, I'm glad you appreciated the odd addition of Genghis Khan - he was the unnamed yurt builder I kept alluding to in the previous chapter, and so many people asked for the full story that I felt it needed to be told. I think he would have been much more fondly remembered in history for rescuing people with flying yurts rather than taking over Mongolia, but alas.

Thanks for your awesome review, Kiana ♥

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Review #13, by Roisin In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

28th September 2014:

Ok, this story had me at the brilliant MS paint banner. BEST. STORY. EVER. I literally (literally) laughed out loud SO MANY TIMES! Like, began annoying my roommate with how much I was laughing amounts of laughing. THIS STORY IS GENIUS!

I tried to keep a running list of all my favorite parts, but it just got too long to be useful at all (when the list is one sentence out of every paragraph, it's not really a list anymore). Suffice it to say, I LOVED ALL OF THE THINGS.

I like, can't even, I don't know where to start. There were so many amazing references (Lyra, Dirty Dancing, Genghis Kahn), and then so many funny turns of phrase ('to burn some more toast,' 'WAR OF SHIPS'), all those meta little popout moments ('PLOT DEVICE')--but it was still brilliantly coherent and clever AND JUST SO AMAZING!


Author's Response: Haha, I am quite proud of that banner. I feel it exhibits all of my profound artistic skill. :p

This review makes me so happy! I really have no idea what I was thinking half the time I wrote this, and as it was late at night on a long bus ride I sort of wondered if it was actually funny at all or just insane. I guess those aren't mutually exclusive. But ahh thank you, I'm so glad you loved it in all its goofiness and meta-ness and time traveling historical figures. Your review made me smile so much!


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Review #14, by The_Crookshanks_Saga In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

26th July 2014:
Oh my holy mushrooms. What just happened.

I thought no one out there could shock me with sheer craziness. I was wrong. Congratulations for making me snort tea out of my nostrils.

Until next time,

Author's Response: Yes indeed, this fic is sheer craziness. Mmm, tea. I'm sorry about the tea snorting though, that doesn't sound very pleasant. :p

Thanks for your review!

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Review #15, by DoctorUnderwood In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

11th June 2014:
Writing this as I go...

Just the fact that Draco watches DWTS makes me laugh. And the fact that he thought a parrot would make a good servant. And he has the audacity to be mad about claw marks. God, he really is the worst. Poor Lyra.

I really want to read about the flying yurt. Is Genghis Khan in it? Probably not, as rockets weren't around until last century.

I personally think that pirate Hermione would be awesome... Gives me an idea for a Star Wars crossover where she teams up with Boba Fett to pillage and plunder the galaxy.

Hmmm... So it turns out that the yurt guy was Genghis Khan. Makes sense.

Now if you excuse me, I need to go start my Hermione/Boba fanfiction. I see you shivering with... anticipation.

Great story with lots of laughter! 10/10

Author's Response: Haha... this review was probably funnier than my story, I love it.

Draco has sunk pretty low by this point - low enough that he's binge-watching DWTS with a bird. It's okay, Lyra knows she's the boss.

Woah, how did you guess Genghis Khan was the yurt guy? haha. Honestly at that point in writing the story, even I didn't know that! I added him in at the end on a whim when I didn't know what else to do with him. :p

Um... yes. If you write a fic about Hermione and Boba Fett looting the galaxy I will totally read it. It sounds like the type of story that would, if it may, take me on a strange journey. :P

Thanks so much for your review!!

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Review #16, by toomanycurls In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

22nd May 2014:
I laughed so hard. So very hard.

At first my thought was "...a Dramione..." but then I saw it's a parody which made life better. I love the idea of Draco the pirate and Hermione with her power heels. One thing you did that made this especially hilarious (and felt like a little homage to the book for the Princess Bride) was have little asides that were completely random to the plot - and you acknowledged that in one of them. I died laughing (so you now have a zombie reivewer).

This might have been my favorite line here: "Draco found he didn't even mind the occasional stabs to his toes anymore, because he was in love, and true love heals all wounds"

I died a little more when you had their ship named Dramione - I mean, it's perfect (so I guess I was only partially dead before).

You might have gone crazy to write this (or because you wrote this) but it was way worth it. Please write me more parody.

I'm plowing through the challenge entires and will have the results up soon - I promise!

Author's Response: Hehehe yes I think that's the only way I could have written a Dramione. Parody is my fave. Oh excellent I have always wanted zombie reviews! You are very articulate for a zombie.:p

Isn't that the way true love works? If I am misinformed about this I'll be sad.

Well, I may have already been crazy. As for more parody.. I've written some others, and there may be a sequel in the works for this one! :O Maybe.

Thanks for the challenge, and for your lovely review! :D

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Review #17, by HeyMrsPotter In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

24th April 2014:
Hi Kristin! So, I was going to go with your every word counts entry cause it had the least reviews but how could I resist a Dramione, even if it is a parody :p

I loved this from the chapter title alone, immediately I'm like, Draco Malfoy-pirate?! I'm never going to be able to see Tom Felton as anything but a 'dashing swashbuckling hero at sea' ever again. I can't thank you enough for that!

This was just absolutely hysterical, honestly, I have tears in my eyes. His arguments with the parrot-nothing short of genius. And the Dramione ship, with the paid house-elf crew, HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF?!

I absolutely ADORED this, from the sassy pirate to the howler fight, and the sly dig at Titanic. This really was parody perfection.

Parting thought-if you don't write the flying yurt story my life will never be fulfilled. And, now, I must dash in order to buy myself a pair of life-changing stilletos ;)


Author's Response: Well awesome, I'm glad for the opinion of a fellow Dramione writer on this (even if you write real stories and mine is just a joke :p )

Bahaha, you're welcome for that mental image. Rather fitting, don't you think? Next time you watch any of the HP movies you'll be subconsciously wondering why Malfoy has no eye patch or hook hand.

And thank you so much! I'm glad you found the story hilarious, and enjoyed Draco's arguments with Lyra and the howler fight, and ooh I'm glad you caught that dig at Titanic, I just couldn't resist :p I don't know how I came up with any of it other than being extremely sleep deprived!

Looks like I really will have to write the yurt story now hehe. Enjoy your life-changing shoes! :D

Anyway, thanks so much for your review, Dee!! ♡

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Review #18, by Infinityx In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

17th April 2014:
My first thought when I came across this one-shot was "YAYAYAAY. A PARODY. AND DRACO." I was not disappointed one bit! :D You've got a real talent for writing humor, and this was just..hahahah! Amazing!!

It's so awesome that you made Draco go and live with muggles! Oh, poor Draco, having to do everything while his parrot yelled at him. Just the first few lines, and I was already so hooked on to this!

Oh wow, that parrot is the coolest. :D HAHA, FOOTPRINTS ON THE TOAST. *sighs* Poor Draco!

Hermione. Seven inch stilettos. That is unbelievable. I had to wear seven inches once, but I couldn't walk in them for more than five steps. Gosh. :o

Krum opening up a dance school! This is priceless.

Oooh, dashing, swashbuckling hero at sea. I LOVE THIS. (I'm picturing Draco with an eye patch as well. :P)


He wants to get a wooden pen leg and become a proper pirate so that Lyra would make toast for him! Oh my! (Okay, I just realized I'm quoting too many lines back to you, but I can't help it!)

Oh yeah. Instantly and totally realistic. How wonderful. The perfect Dramione love story. :')


Oh my god, Ron had to summon.. what is going on here?! Please write a story about Ron and Eloise Midgen and the Mongolian castle! (At the risk of me dying of laughter, but please do. :D)

Of course they have to get married. Pirate life and children. It can't get better than that!

Salty Jean's part time crime and part time law-making. Okay, my sides really hurt now. Ouch.



Huffleclaw - Ravenpuff Eggstravaganza

Author's Response: Eeep! Thank you! I love writing humour and aww seriously that is just so nice to hear. ♡

How on earth did you take even five steps in 7 inch shoes? I'm impressed.

ahh, definitely should have included an eye patch in this story. You are wise to assume he has one. I'm sure he lost his eye in a very heroic, swashbuckling, piratey fashion, like maybe he got attacked with a high heeled shoe.

Hmm you know, you're not the first reviewer to mention wanting to hear more about Eloisley and their castle. Perhaps I should email JKR and tell her I've discovered what the fans really want... it means she'll scrap the Fantastic Beasts script, but she might make a movie of Ron Weasley and the Confusing Castle. :p

I'm sorry your sides hurt now! I hear that toast makes you feel better, though - especially if you can get a bird to lovingly stomp on it for you. Thank you so so sooo much for this fantabulous review, Erin!! ♥

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Review #19, by DraconisScarlet3792 In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

3rd April 2014:
A wonderful piece of fluff. I loved the parrot.

Author's Response: Teehee, thank you. The parrot loves you too. :P Thanks for your review!

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Review #20, by SkyEcho In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

3rd April 2014:
You truly do have a talent for writing humour! This was so much fun to read. And even with all of the crazy elements, it all made complete sense! I loved seeing Draco as a Muggle and laughed so hard at the exchanges between Draco and Lyra! "You left footprints on my toast, that's disgusting," Draco insisted. "Why can't you learn to make toast properly?" This has to be my favourite line - though there are quite a few more that I just loved as well :) Your Princess Bride quote was integrated perfectly. It worked with your story and I could actually see Hermione saying that to him as she stomped on his foot (super high stilettos and all!) I enjoyed all the little nods to fan fiction cliches, romance movies and history... And I just about died when I saw "and nobody put Draco Malfoy in a corner." Too good! I'm happy that true love saved them all and no one had to end up at the bottom of the ocean. This was so awesome and I absolutely loved it! Great job :)

Author's Response: Aww haha thank you! I am glad (and, maybe, a bit surprised) that it made complete sense! :p Sometimes I have to just get the silly drivel out of my brain before I can go back to writing real fics haha, and that's kind of what happened here.

Haha, I'm so glad you liked Lyra and Draco's bickering, I loved writing them :p Thanks about the quote, too! Man, I really want to watch that movie again, I haven't seen it in ages.

I think every parody needs some amount of cliches, they're just too fun :D I'm glad you liked the references to movies and history too! I couldn't resist getting a dig in at Titanic especially, because true love or not, that door was big enough for two, am I right?! :p

Thanks so much for your review! ♡

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Review #21, by teh tarik In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

29th March 2014:
Ooh, ooh, another super-realistic and very angsty fic by you! *sniffs* star-crossed lovers and sinking ships and dashed dancing dreams and Genghis Khan, and the sinking of the unsinkable Dramione - by no less than a lump of ice shot off from an ice-shelf by a Mongolian flying yurt's rocket boosters. I could hardly hold my tears back.

Seriously (or not so seriously) though, I loved that swashbuckling pirate theme! After all, it's high time someone addressed the issue of pirates and shipping wars across the high seas of fandom! And and and Malfoy the Muggle and Salty Jean made me giggle a bit. Reminds me of the time you told me you went aboard a pirate ship to work in the galley and scrub the decks...or was it to collect phytoplankton species for a microscopic zoo? I forget. :P

Ooh, the Eloisley! Now that was a surprise there! Even on different ships, Ron and Hermione are still howling at each other! Bravo to the yurt commander. But not so much when he goes back in time and takes over the whole northeast Asia in a barbaric fashion.

My conclusion about this story of yours: I have a new OTP. And it's Krum/Toaster. Jumping onboard the Kroaster here!

♥ ♥

Author's Response: Oh, I am so sorry I almost made you cry at how beautiful this story was :p . It's like the end of Titanic only everyone actually made it out of the water.

After JK tried sinking the Ron/Hermione ship recently, I was compelled to write a shipping war haha. And yes, this story is entirely factual and based on my real life. ;)

KROASTER HAHAHA OMG. I love it. The sequel to this story, perhaps.

I hope this story didn't kill off any of your brain cells with its inanity. :p Thanks for your review!

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Review #22, by kenpo In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

25th March 2014:

I'm currently planning out a really depressing Draco one-shot, so this will make me feel better.

I know this is a parody, but I actually really like the idea of Draco going to live with muggles... hmm..

Haha. Toasters can be tricky. Buying a parrot seems like the logical solution...

Oh. That is a very advanced parrot, isn't it?

Draco needs to be nicer. If he doesn't want claw marks on his toast, he can make it himself! Also, if all he's eating is toast, I'm worried about his diet.

SEVEN INCHES?!? I just had to return a pair of four inch heels because I thought the chances of me falling down at some point while wearing them all night was too high!!

Hahaha. I love the way you used the shoes they were wearing as a transition.

THE SPARKS AND THE TOASTER. OH MY GOSH. THIS IS TOO MUCH. I'm laughing and I'm getting strange looks and my dad wants to know what I'm reading BUT I'M A CLOSETED HPFFER SO HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO KNOW. You gotta be less funny!

I love the way you circled back around to the pirate thing.

This seems like an entirely realistic way to fall in love. Happens all the time. Absolutely. No judgement here.


My birthday is in two weeks.

Just sayin. That's unrelated.

I can get on board with the pirate life. WAIT THAT'S A PUN AND I DIDN'T EVEN MEAN TO.

Okay. This was fantastic. Write more parodies. They're fantastic. Again, even the banner is perfect and amazing. I love how this is weird and nonsensical and by all normal definitions has horrible plot flow and story-telling, but it's still marvelous.

Write more. Please.

Author's Response: Hahaha, your reviews are always SO much fun to read. :D

True fact: that was inspired by a real-life broken toaster. The most frustrating problem in the world. :p

I see you and Lyra are on the same page here, telling Draco to make his own toast. Yes, a poor diet indeed. He probably got scurvy from the lack of vitamin C. Another reason he was much more suited to a life of piracy.

Heels of any height are scary to me! I think I'm just way too tall to wear them.

Haha, sorry for almost outing you. Next time I'll write a very serious and not at all funny fic about the life cycle and evolution of Flobberworms, and you can read that. ;)

Obviously realistic, and eliminates so much unnecessary drama! No confused angsty feelings, no playing hard-to-get, just love. Everyone should be jealous of them.

Well, happy early birthday! Haha, well next time I write a parody, perhaps the castle of Eloisley will feature in it - I really never know what nonsense is going to come out of my brain when I write parody, lol.

Yay for puns! Wait, pirate joke: What is a pirate's favorite spell?


WingARRRdium Leviosa!

(...this has got to be my weirdest review response ever)

Thanks, I really appreciate the compliments on that profound work of art. (ARRRT, if we're sticking with the pirate theme.) Bahah I know this is probably the worst fic I've ever written. I am so glad you like it in all its terribleness.

Thanks for your review! And I'm sorry for going overboard on the pirate jokes. (But you started it :p )

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Review #23, by BookDinosaur In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

17th March 2014:

I don't think I even have a hope of typing nything coherant right now, and what doesn't make sense to me in this state probably has double the amount of senselessness to you. Plus, I watched an episode of Game of Thrones just before this and cried a lot, so I've been crying and then giggling crazily nd I think my whole family thinks I'm completely crazy right now.

This story was absolutely hilarious, and I loved the idea of Draco living as a muggle was so weird and the toaster gag was hilarious. Lyra was just amazing, I didn't even know it was possible for a bird to have such an amazing character. Her standing up to Draco and kicking his butt and turning him into a servant for her instead of the other way round was just so funny to read about.

I love how this whole thing was just so so random and weird but it pulled together so well and it all made sense at the end somehow. Can I just say, that touch where the names of their ships were the ship names for the couples, I laughed out loud there because it's so fitting somehow.

Ooh, and Draco watched a rugby match? I hope it was rugby league, haha!

Viktor Krum came into this story and there was this whole dancing gag that went on as well - I really love how you played up the workaholic side of Hermione and Krum, with the exaggeration of the four minutes and three occupations being perfect. I can completely see Draco liking Dancing With the Stars as well, it just seems so him. :P

I think your Princess Bride quote fit really perfectly in this crazy story, which constantly advertised itself as being rational and realistic.

Ooh, Hermione's weird thing about heels was perfect as well and I loved how you were poking fun at all thse times where authors dress her up so much that it's not even her. Well, I hope you were poking fun at that because if you weren't then...awkward. :P Nevertheless, Hermione's heels were pretty funny. *nods*

I really liked how they all became pirates and Ron made a little appearance with Eloise Midgen. Also, Eloisley was a perfect ship name.

Please please please tell me, did you plan that Mongolian flying yurt man to be Ganghis Khan all along or was that a spur-of-the-moment thing? Because that was slipped in at the end so perfectly I was laughing like a loony person and I think it was just the perfect way to end this story.

This review basically turned into a huge mush of what elements I loved, but nevertheless I hope this review made at least some sense to you and that you got a sense of how much I loved this story. Someday I hope to write something half as funny as this.

Thanks for this laugh, Kristin! :D

Author's Response: EMILY. I DO NOT EVEN KNOW.

Don't worry, you (and this review) are significantly less crazy than this fic. Though that probably doesn't really say much, haha

I'm glad you liked Lyra! Ahaha, yeah I think this may be the my first story where one of the main characters is a bird. Something to check off the list.

Did it really all tie together? Cool :p ha yeah I was trying to think of what to call Draco and Hermione's pirate ship, then it hit me and seemed so obvious, there was no other choice but Dramione! I'm glad you liked Eloisley as a ship name too! Maybe that will be cool enough for me to convince other people to ship them lololol

Draco didn't watch rugby, he got bored when Lyra was watching it. You have far better taste in TV than he has, and Lyra would agree. And uh... OBVIOUSLY rugby league :p

Bahaha I'm glad you liked that dancing school with Krum, and Draco watching dancing shows. It seemed logical, you know? I'm glad you thought this story was realistic too. XD

Yes, I always find it weird when Hermione is dressed to the nines in some fics and it's just not her, so thats what the 9-inch heels were, yes. Of course I was poking fun. Nothing in this story is meant to be taken seriously. Except the part about Genghis Khan being a time travelling wizard -serious stuff.

And no, that was completely spur of the moment. The whole fic was, really! I got to the end of writing and had no idea what to do with this random character, so I sent him back in time to invade Mongolia :p

Thank you for this amazing review! You are an awesome reviewer, you should know. ♡

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Review #24, by patronus_charm In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

16th March 2014:
Ahahahaha, I found the story, and itís so fabulous and thank you for the dedication, you are wonderful and now let me try and write something coherent!

Ah, Dracoís a Muggle, well sort of! I think this was the best idea ever, especially due to the fact he watched Dancing with the Stars, I mean who would have seen that coming? I felt so sorry for Lyra though because clearly sheís his house elf replacement, when she started yelling back a little I was just like go Lyra like an idiot. I really liked her!

Then Hermione and Krum met up, I never saw that coming! I adored his accent and the fact he was a dancer and had his own school, I just have the weirdest imagery in my head right nowÖ I love how Viktor was just like yes Iím fabulous I know it, and how Hermione could dance in stilettos, it was just so crazy and ridiculous but amazing at the same time!

Ahaha, I donít even know what to say but Draco learning how to dance and then falling in love with Dramione, I mean, of course that doesnít happen in stories it would simply be unbelievable. I mean this line said it all really ĎThat would be unrealistic, and out of place in a story as realistic as this one.í Haha, I loved your narration style too, I rarely ever come across it but itís so much fun Iím glad you used it here.

I donít even know how to react to the next bit, it was just the thought of Draco being so helpless and unable to walk which cracked me up, because as he was in a vulnerable position it naturally made Hermioneís love for him more likely as they were on equal levels!

Whoo for the Ron shout out I was waiting for him to crop up. Ah, but he got Eloise who was secretly Veela while Draco and Hermione could sail on the wonderful ship known as Dramione. I totally didnít see that one coming and I think the way it was just slipped in there made it even worse because my cat didnít appreciate my laugher in the slightest.

Wah war! Scabbers! Time travel! Mongol tribes! It was just so fabulous the ending because you just couldnít see it coming. I hope all the Dramione shippers come and read this and see where the true story of how they got together is because I donít think they could ever read another after this :P

Thank you for such a fabulously mad story, Kristin!


Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked this! Haha, don't worry about writing something coherent - the story wasn't! :p

Obviously - why shouldn't Draco like Dancing with the Stars? It *totally* seems like his sort of thing. :p I'm glad you liked Lyra! No need to feel sorry for her though as she's totally the boss of Draco. Whatever he may think.

Viktor Krum could totally be on Dancing with the Stars. Um yeah I'm not sure how he ended up in this story either! Hermione in stilettos... XD I've seen the occasional fanfic out there where Hermione is randomly just really fashionable and sexy, so I couldn't resist putting in a bad cliche where it makes no sense!

When something is as out-of-control unrealistic as this, I had to call myself out on it! :p I'm glad you like the narration style, it was pretty fun to write.

Yes, Dramione is an actual ship! I couldn't resist, after JK's recent announcement about Ron/Hermione and thnking about all the shipping wars, which here, became actual ships in a war of bickering haha. Teehee, speaking of cats, Ron and Eloise's rainforest cat exists in this story solely because of that question you asked me on my MTA about whether I'd ever include a rainforest cat in a story! So you inspired that particular madness, be proud.

The ending... even I didn't see that coming! :p First it was just a 'they lived happily ever after' and then my fingers kept typing and suddenly there was an iceberg and this random yurt-building wizard became Genghis Khan and I really don't know where half this story came from. Thanks for your lovely review and I'm so glad this made you laugh! :)

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Review #25, by LizMalfoy In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

16th March 2014:
Haha that was awesome.

Author's Response: :D Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!

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