3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Gathering the Team

23rd March 2014:
Hmm, this sounds interesting.

This is REALLY nitpicky, but the sentence, "two men sat opposite each other studying the other man", might sound better as either "two men sat opposite each other, each studying the other man" or "two men sat opposite each other, studying each other." As it is, it just sounds slightly awkward to me.

I like your description of the American Minister of Magic.

And of course, I am reminded of one of my "de Valera stories for all occasions". He was Taoiseach (Prime Minister) of Ireland during World War II and when Belfast was bombed, they contacted the Republic for assistance and de Valera's response was "get every available (fire engine) and send them to Belfast." The Minister of Magic seems to be giving a similar order here. I'm not quite sure what the M.D.I. are, but I guess that'll become clear.

I also like the way they aren't quite sure what is going on. It makes sense, as the Death Eaters certainly wouldn't want information getting out.

I'd go onto a new line when Timothy Walker asks how he got the information.

LOVE the line, "Bill wore his power like a cloak".

*laughs at the Minister's comment that he didn't see anybody disappear* There again, there are similarities with the whole sending fire fighters to Belfast, as that was, of course, technically a breach of neutrality. It wasn't done so secretly, but still.

Timothy DOES seem to have some similarities with Mad-Eye Moody.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you very much for your review! Again, I'm sorry that it's taken far too long to reply.

That is a very good point and I'll revise the sentences so that it flows better. :)

Thank you very much for your lovely review!


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Review #2, by Lululuna Gathering the Team

13th March 2014:
Hello! :) This is so exciting!

I thought this was a great start to the story and I'm really excited to learn even more about Richard and his experiences in England. It's really fascinating seeing your interpretation of what the American Ministry what be like and how their decision-making process could work. I especially liked the way they used magic in so many creative ways to facilitate the business, like using the names on parchment to summon the M.D.I wizards to the office.

The descriptions and care going into describing the offices and the thought patterns of Timothy were great as well. From the portraits, to the curtains... it was wonderful. Something you seem to do very well is set up a scene and situate the characters in it, which I really admire.

Seeing Bill was great! He felt very in character, but I especially liked how he seemed to be a little traumatized from the attack with Greyback. I'd never thought about it much, but having a man biting and scratching his face would be horrific! So you really brought that to life through the hints here.

It's really interesting seeing how informed the Americans were about the English situation, like the Minister's shock about Snape killing Dumbledore, and the hints of the DA and the Order. I'm looking forward to seeing the English wizarding world through Richard's eyes and how he perceives it differently.

This was a brilliant first chapter, and you wrote it so beautifully. I'm looking forward to the next one! :)

Blackout Round 3- 16/20

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry about the delay in responding...

I've been wanting to write a story with an American wizarding community. It's taken awhile to figure out how to portray the differences as well as to figure out how the Ministry would work with six time zones to consider. :)

Very soon, Bill will not be the only one that Richard and his fellow MDI wizards and witches will meet.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by SiriusAura92 Gathering the Team

9th March 2014:
I really enjoyed this!
I've always wandered what the Ministries of other countries did during the war against Voldemort.
It's written really well and beautifully detailed.

I maybe would've liked a bit more detail on his selected thirty but I'm guessing it's all in due course (It is only the first chapter).

I'll definitely be back when the next chapter's up!
Keep up the great work!


Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Details on some of the thirty will be available in the next chapter. :)

Thank you very much!

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