Reading Reviews for I Can't Date A Hufflepuff
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lexiatel I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

9th July 2014:
First thing... torturing the other students with having Damien tutoring them, Yikes! Also, I named a Slytherin myself Damien in my own story, kinda cool :)

I like how you used the word "reckon" I have refrained myself from using this word soo many times since I live in the middle of America, I thought that was a Southern slang word, maybe it is, lol.

Here's my favorite line: upon looking at the daisies at the end of his wand, he frowned, "Hang on, those are supposed to be roses,"

I loved that piece!!!

Fabulous story, so sad, and then so fluffy! Wonderfully done!

Rated it a 9/10

House Cup 2014 Review"

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Review #2, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

4th June 2014:
First of all thank you for requesting a review! I appreciate it.
I am sorry it took a while for me to get around to reviewing this! Time flies by so fast.

Now on to the story. I like hoe you used the typical house traits, but still made the characters different. You stepped away from the line many fanfictions take.

I like that you made Neville proactive as a teacher. He wasn't going to let kids be bullied!

I also like Damian's arrogance. The way you suggest if before you mention it. The way you describe even how he sits, I can see some cocky teenage boy sitting behind a desk in a normal high school.

And I like Maria as a Hufflepuff. Kind, happy and all the things we usually see in them, but she isn't introvert or shy. She seems more...fearless I guess in a way. Brave. Strong in a way that they are usually not depicted. I like that.

Just like you focussed on the boy's feelings. This all makes the story stand out from many others.

It's a cute story. Very well written. It flows nicely! I don't read fluff very often, but I am glad you requested a review for this one. I liked reading this!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Sorry it took so long for me to respond! I guess we're even now lol

You're so kind! I put a lot more time into the description than I usually do so I'm glad it stands out! And I'm so glad you liked it. I loved writing it :) I like pulling characters out of their stereotypes because I see a lot of that when people decide what house to put them in. Obviously they need to fit, but I don't like them to be what everyone expects them to because of what their house is. So I'm glad you noticed that.

Thanks so much for your kind words xx


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Review #3, by Freda_and_Georgina I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

6th May 2014:
Hmm, a Slytherin that's good at Herbobogy is a bit unusual, but in a good/intriging way.

I think the narrative switch into their relationship is a little too rushed. (At the end of the second section/beginning of the third section.) The story jumps from first meeting her to deep in a relationship with, and I would've liked to see that develope a bit slower and maybe see Damien in an in-between stage.

Damien's family must be really strict blood purists if they would still hate Maria despite the fact that she's a pureblood. 'Hufflepuffs are as bad as muggleborns' is a tad extreme, but still extremely believable.

Again with show vs tell, at the beginning of the fourth part it might have strengthened the narrative to show that his grades, focus, and friends were drifting away. Telling still has a really good effect, but if his mind is on Maria he might not notice what is happening around him as much. Here telling is still quite effective.

There seems to be a small amount of inconsistency in Maria's physical position during the Slytherin's confrontation of her, unless I am misunderstanding what I'm reading, which is very possible. Maria shows up and pushes through them, and I had assumed continued on. (Also, who was she saying "let's go, the library's this way" to, the first years? it didn't seem like anyone responded.) Then Damien tells them to "get away from her" which makes it sound like she actually stuck around, unless she didn't actually make it through their wall? And then Maria is right by his side, I found it a tad condusing.

Heehee I like the daisies, that was a nice touch.

You portrayed Damien's character and emotions very well, especially through your descriptions. It was very nicely done.

Great job! :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your detailed review :)

Gah, I was pressed on time when writing this so I know it needs a little work. I'm hoping to go back and add some more detail regarding the development of their relationship. You're right, it could use more.

I think Damien's family is very elitist, and that after the war there are probably still a few other families clinging to their views. But you're right, it's a bit much.

Reading through it I realized you're right, I never mentioned that she stayed behind! I'll have to add that in. Thanks for pointing it out.

I love daisies, I thought it would be cute haha.

I'm glad that even with the (glaring) mistakes you liked it! Thanks so much for your feedback!



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Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

24th March 2014:
Hi! Here I am with the review you requested a few weeks ago! :)

Awww, I thought that this was really quite adorable, while also touching on the issue of blood status in the Next Generation. It wasn't too dark, but it wasn't too fluffy, either. I think that you achieved a nice balance between the two!

I know that only one generation after the war, there would still be some prejudiced people, but Damien's parents seem to be kind of extreme. That's pretty sad, and it's sad that he attacked Muggleborns because of the old prejudices. Professor Longbottom definitely had the right idea, trying to make him tutor a lot of people from the different Houses! However, it's unfortunate that only Slytherins stayed to get tutored. It shows that the members of the other Houses were afraid of what Damien would do to them. :(

It's good that Maria wasn't afraid! I feel that some of those half-completed assignments were neglected on purpose, just so that she could see Damien. ;) Also, I think it's cool that Damien was able to overcome his prejudices to see how much of a wonderful person she was, even though she was in Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs are cool, too, and no one should ever underestimate them!

It sucks royal hippogriff that Damien's parents would still disapprove of his relationship with Maria, even though she was a pureblood. That's a really stupid way to be, in my opinion, and it made Damien hide his relationship, which is never conducive to a healthy sort of relationship. That's why his friends' words were so influential--he felt that he was doing wrong in the eyes of his parents, so he tried to go back to his old ways.

Fortunately, the old ways were no longer what he delighted in! I'm so glad that he ended up standing up for Maria and the Hufflepuffs against the stupid insults of his friends! I can only hope that in the future, he will be more accepting of all Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors, and people of all blood statuses, Muggleborns included! I also hope that Maria sets him in line, and that they finally go public with their relationship. :)

Great story!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for taking the time to leave me such a long review! I really appreciate all the feedback!

If you think about it, racism is still very prevalent today, even though full rights for everyone were won long ago. I think even in the wizarding world it would take prejudiced families a long time to change their ways, and I think they would continue to pass on their views to their children.

Ooh, you see right through her! I agree, Hufflepuffs are the bomb! We are awesome! :)

Like I said, I think that -especially since this closely follows the war -Damien's parents still have the same prejudice. The fact that their side lost doesn't change their perspective. But Damien breaks the pattern! Yay! You can also see a glimpse into his parent's view in MrsJaydeMalfoy's companion piece, which I hope you read after this! It's so good!

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!



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Review #5, by ReeBee I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

19th March 2014:
hey there hun! Here with your requested review! On another note, I'm glad you liked the banner! on to the review then?

Characterisation: absolutely adorable! Maria was super awesome! She seemed so cheerful and just so adorably lovely! And I love the touch of daisies at the end! So cute! I think the flower was chosen as a super cute parallel with her personality! Damien too, had me squealing! especially his feelings towards maria! on the topic of CC, i have two short points :) firstly is the characterisation of maria's and damien's relationship, i think you describe it wonderfully, but i also think that a bit more doing could be good? maybe show us more about their relationship (through dialogue?) rather than tell us? The second, is maybe a bit more on his friends? they have been mentioned a little bit, but i still think it was a bit abrupt at the end where they come in??

Description: description of their relationship was beautiful! it made me squee! perfect! really really gorgeous! as for CC, maybe a bit more on description of personal emotions, i know, this could be super hard using 3rd person! but, i still think a tiny bit more could be added to compliment that lovely relationship description:

Plot/Flow: nothing much to say- all perfect! really really awesome! i LOVE LOVE LOVE the plot! super sweet!!

so there you go hun, hope that wasn't too harsh! and feel free to rerequest! i loved this! great job!

-Curie :)

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you again for the amazing banner, and now for the lengthy review! It really means a lot. :)

I'm glad you liked it! And you're right, I do need to add more both on their relationship and on his friends. This story was written in a rush for a challenge deadline, so it's not as good as I could have made it with more time. I definitely plan to go over it soon and add more detail, so thank you for pointing it out. I'll make sure to follow your feedback :) Hopefully after I add in more detail it will be better -- I know it was kind of rough considering I wrote it in like a day lol.

Thanks again for taking the time to leave me such a detailed review. I really appreciate it!



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Review #6, by AlexFan I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

11th March 2014:
I saw this in the humour genre and I was debating whether or not I should read it but the review tag gave me the perfect excuse to read this!

This was actually really cute. I didn't know what to expect going into this but I'm glad that I liked it. I'm assuming that this isn't all that far after the Battle of Hogwarts because of people's views on muggleborns and such. It makes sense really because I imagine that it would actually take quite a while for everyone to get everyone their prejudices, it's not like everyone was immediately going to have a change of heart.

I love how supportive Maria was of Damien. She understood what he was going through and why he was doing what he was doing but she didn't get mad at him or try and change his mad. She knew that he had to take time and figure out what he wanted. It's a small thing but I really loved it because it showed that Damien and her understood each other.

Poor Damien, the boy is absolutely lovesick by the looks of it. He can't seem to function all that properly without Maria around.

But anyway, this was a really cute one-shot and good luck in the challenge!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for leaving a review. I'm glad you decided to give it a shot!

Yay! Cute is exactly what I was aiming for. My other story is quite dark, so this was a nice change. And I totally agree, it would definitely take a long time for people to lose their disdain towards muggleborns. It's just like racism, really, it hasn't completely gone away at all if you think about it. That's how I few the whole blood status thing, anyway.

I'm glad you like Maria! I love her, she's so great. I think she completely embodies what Hufflepuff is (to me at least). Loyal, patient, kind... She's kind of a flat character, but it's okay because she's the catalyst to Damien's growth.

Thanks again for leaving me such a lovely review! And I must remind you to read MrsJaydeMalfoy's companion piece if you haven't already, it's even cuter if you can believe that!


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Review #7, by TidalDragon I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

10th March 2014:
Howdy! I'm dropping by in response to your review request.

The first thing I like about the story is that it is a Next-Gen piece that doesn't just go outside the typical mold of Rose/Scorpius, Teddy/Victoire, etc., but that it uses OCs.

I think you do a solid job overall developing Damien as an OC. We get his House, a bit about his family, we learn a subject he is proficient at, and we get to see plenty of his internal thoughts.

You also do a good job of varying the placement and language of your dialogue tags. While some could use stronger words, I can tell from reading that you pay attention to this and it is SO important because dialogue tags can be incredibly useful tools for an author and can indeed make or break scenes, chapters, or stories, depending on how dialogue-intensive they are.

It was also nice to see you include not just the speech, but the actions and posture of your characters. This is an important component that often falls by the wayside so it was nice to see you using it!

One thing that I think could make Damien's development more effective is to "show don't tell" some of the changes he undergoes in the story, particularly after noticing/becoming involved with Maria. As an example, in what I'm calling your fourth section (based on the asterisks) you lead by listing his loss of focus, slipping grades, and withdrawal from his Slytherin friends. While you follow this up with dialogue that reinforces these points, it might be nice to set up a scene where this can all be seen on its own rather than stated. An example of this would be using passage of time language to cover a few weeks, placing him in a lesson where he is distracted thinking of Maria and misses a professor's question, gets razzed by his friends (who are don't sit as close to him anymore), and then gets handed back an essay by the professor with a terrible grade. This way you get out all the points you made in your lead, but it is demonstrated in the story rather than told to us through Damien's third-person POV.

While it is a fluff one-shot, I would also have liked to see a little more about Maria. What makes Damien NOT lump her in with other Hufflepuffs? What are her true traits? Does she have any flaws (which in a fluff piece the other character would probably find endearing)? We get very few glimpses, the biggest perhaps coming at the end when she stands up to Damien's friends.

I think adding more time and description to their reconciliation would also make it more compelling and feel a bit less rushed.

My last minor point is re: "Head of House". I view it as a title, and so I think it should be capitalized. I did not double-check, but I think it is capitalized in canon and I know it is capitalized on the HP Wiki.

All in all I thought it accomplished what you want out of a fluffy one-shot - good feelings, characters you can root for, and some challenges overcome.

Hope this helps!

Author's Response: Wow thank you so much for the detailed feedback! I apologize for my late response -I've been quite busy this past week.

Thank you for your suggestions to show instead of telling. I'm kind of embarrassed -that's something I usually point out to people when they want feedback! In my defense, this was written in a rush for a challenge, but I will definitely edit it to include your feedback. It's very helpful, I must say. I might include a bit more of Maria as well, but I kind of like her as more of a mystery. Her character is developed more in MrsJaydeMalfoy's companion piece, which follows their relationship after Hogwarts. I strongly recommend giving it a read if you haven't already! But you're right, she does need a bit more character development here, which I'll be sure to include when I update it. And I also agree that the ending is a bit rushed, I definitely need to add some more to that scene. Like I said, I was a bit rushed just to get it to the deadline, but I will definitely add all of these changes in!
You're probably right about the Head of House needing to be capitalized. I always get so confused about what should be capitalized in the HP world, so thank you for pointing that out.
This was a very helpful review, I'm so glad I requested it from you! Again, thanks so much for taking the time to leave me such detailed feedback. It really means a lot. :)


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