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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BLONDEbehaviour The Master

27th March 2014:
Hii!! I am here to review your story for the Canon Craziness Challenge! :) I am so so sorry it has taken me so long but I am here now, so yay!! *happy dance*

Woah. Dobby. Poor innocent Dobby. You did a great job with him in regards to changing up canon!

One thing that I particularly liked about this story is that you wrote it in next-gen. It could have been very easy to take this story and add Hogwarts era to it, be it Ron and Hermione for instance, but you thought outside the box and made it next-gen, in a canon competition. I think that was a really neat twist!

I also have to comment on the imagery you use in this. It is really good, especially when it comes to describing Lily and Hugo and their emotions. You encounter them right. I especially loved the line about Lily feeling like a crumpled piece of paper. That's a beautiful image right there for the situation she as found herself in. You have a knack for imagery- keep it and flaunt it! :P

I liked how you kept us guessing and then WHAM! Dobby. I like it, it was almost as though you were alluding to Voldemort in a way, which lulled us into a flase sense of security. It was well done. I also like how you made Lily and Hugo taunt Dobby. I can totally get where they are coming from, and for them to show such courage at the end shows a lot. Though I think Dobby acting like he did fits with the story. If he didn't kill them, I would see it having to have a drastic turnaround, but I think you have written the end just right.

The only kind of improvement ideas i have would be to look further into the picture. You could also look into adding more at the start; how did they get there, abduction etc. If you were looking at enhancing it further. Just an idea! :P

All in all, I really enjoyed this! It was a different read that was well written and justified!

Thank you for taking my challenge, I hope you enjoyed it! Good luck! Results will be up soon!!

Grace :D

Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry about the wait--It's taken me a while to respond to this XD

Yeah.it was really tough to turn such a beloved character evil!

I wrote it Next Gen because honestly I'm a total coward about writing the trio. But I'm glad you liked it being in next-gen!

Imagery is something I've worked really hard at in my writing because I've had some trouble with it in the past, so I'm so sooo glad that thought I did a good job with it. Thank you!!!

I have thought about expanding on the story a bit, but at this point I have other projects I'm working on so any enhancement would probably happen later on down the road.

Thanks for the awesome challenge and review!

Sam



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Review #2, by PolyJuice_ The Master

13th March 2014:
BLACKOUT BATTLE~ 4/20

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE MAKING THIS HEART-BREAKING STORIES? I'M GONNA BE A MESS OF FEELS BY THE END OF THIS BATTLE. YOU'RE NOT HELPING.

Aah. *picks up the remainder of herself* Ahem, sorry.

Dobby? Dobby is here? Oh sheesh. You're bringing back all the feels, aren't you?

That...that...I don't even know. That was absolutely horrible. (In a totally good way, of course) I can't believe Dobby would do such a thing, and yet you wrote it in such a believable way.

I loved the way that you showed just how desperate Lily and Hugo were, and how cold and callous Dobby had become.

Anyway, I'm off to buy a jumbo box of tissues and eat my weight in chocolate.

Wonderful story!

Liz

Author's Response: I'M SORRY.

Frankly I still find it hard to believe I wrote this. It happened late at night, in a stress-filled week of midterms, which I think helped make Dobby so terrible. Otherwise I might not have had the heart to make sweet little Dobby into a monster.

It actually took me forever though to come up with a way to make Dobby canon crazy. I'm glad that the story seemed believable!

Thanks for the review! And enjoy your chocolate ;)

Sam


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Review #3, by love_is_magic_ The Master

7th March 2014:
Hey there!

Wow, so I love the way you jump right into the action :D I mean, poor Lily and Hugo, but the beginning was great.

Okay, so the beginning of the next portion is also amazing. You use some great description to make the reader really feel what it would be like to be in Lily's situation. It's very well done. I also love the comparison of Lily to a flat, used up piece of paper with no further purpose in life. That was great and actually made me start to feel bad for used pieces of paper... I know I'm weird...

DOBBY!!! OH MY... Oh my goodness... well, this is certainly canon crazy! :D I am so torn between horror that Dobby is evil and extreme joy that he somehow is alive! What a crazy plot twist! I can't wait to see where this goes!

I'm reading like crazy right now, but I have a quick typo (I think?) correction. When Lily is talking to Dobby, I think she meant to say 'house elf' instead of 'elve'. Just a quick suggestion (: Also, I think you're missing a quotation mark at the very, very end!

Awww Dobby is still wearing mismatched socks! That was a great detail and really sent another pang through my heart for poor Dobby :/

I love that Lily and Hugo stand up to Dobby in the end. It gives the reader hope for a moment, and it is just great characterisation for the pair and is definitely how I picture their characters.

Overall, this was just great. I loved the way you wrote the characters and gave Dobby his motivation for being evil. His reasoning had just enough of the Dobby we know, it made the whole canon change a little more believable. Great job!

Christy

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle 1/15

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing, even though you weren't supposed to for bingo. You're awesome!! Especially for doing a whole other fifteen! You rock! *snugs*

I'm glad you like the description! I was hoping that I could give my dear readers a little bit of connection to Lily, so I'm glad you thought it worked :)

Yep.Dobby. :P When I got him for the challenge, it took me so long to come up with how to make him canon crazy! But it was fun, in a weird kind of way.

Thanks for pointing out those errors! I'll get on them asap

Thanks again for your awesomeness!

Sam


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Review #4, by adluvshp The Master

7th March 2014:
Blackout battle 5/15

Woah. My head is spinning right now. Dobby, sweet lovely saviour Dobby, turned into a murderer? He is ridding the world of wizards? Ghosh.

The plot idea for this was twisted and dark and totally weird and so different and I enjoyed it. It was interesting to see a very different side of Dobby. I think the poor elf went crazy or something with his freedom xP

I liked your characterisation of Lily and Hugo too. Their emotions were realistic and I could feel their horror and fear at what was happening. The ending was surely unexpected. I did not think Dobby would kill both of them. It was really horrifying. To think that Dobby did all that made it all the more haunting, to imagine that elf doing it, ghosh.

Your descriptions were also vivid and over all this flowed smoothly. It was a crazy but engaging read. Good job!!

Cheers,
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing!

I'm glad I made your head spin.I'm not sure how else to respond >_<

It was weird and crazy writing it! I really had to push away the image of sweet awesome Dobby that sits in my brain and focus on making all his adorableness somehow creepy.

Thanks again!

Sam


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Review #5, by Akussa The Master

4th March 2014:
Errr, what??

I really just read that? Dobby the free elf taking matter into his own hands and riding the world of the oppressing wizards?

Alright. No matter how disturbingly twisted the idea is, you made it work! Mainly because your descriptions were just so vivid and the emotions that poor Lily and Hugo felt were so nicely written that I could feel their fear and anguish.

I was totally blown away by the revelation of who the master was but I was even more surprised of the violence he used to kill them. Sweet Dobby... I'm in shock. The good kind. I think!

Wow, great story, I'm so happy that I just fell onto it tonight; great job!

Author's Response: Ehh >.< This is what comes of entering a Canon Craziness challenge and getting Dobby

I'm glad it worked for you. Honestly I'm still so unsure about it. Like who wants to read about Dobby as a killer? But if it shocked you, that's good I guess :P

Thanks for the review!! I really appreciate it :)

Sam


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Review #6, by TheHeirOfSlytherin The Master

4th March 2014:
For Blackout Bingo.

Hey!

Holy... What... So... that just happened. When I read the beginning, with them running and being trapped and then the talk of seeing the Master, I was all for a family member or a friend or, gosh, even Harry. But no, you went full on with the surprise and you really got me. Dobby... Dobby.

I think I'm in shock. And that's good. I love being shocked, I love dark stories, and this definitely had both of those things. The way they died was particularly brutal, I didn't know Dobby had it in him.

I love Lily and Hugo for being so brave, taunting him in their final moments. They definitely deserved to. And since Hugo is one of my favorite characters ever, you definitely brought a tear to my eye.

Dobby... No, I still can't believe it. :P

Cool story.

Sam.

Author's Response: Yeah...this was written for the canon craziness challenge like i said, and I was given Dobby. >.< It took me a while to come up with this honestly!

I'm glad I shocked you, because that was kind of the goal! I'm sorry for bringing a tear to your eye though :P

Thanks!

Sam


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