Reading Reviews for The Unknown
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshp 1

14th March 2014:
Blackout Battle 18/20

This was very, very well-written. It is impressive that you wrote this so quick! I'd have taken days to perfect such a thing haha!

I loved the plot as it was very interesting and appealing. Your writing style and narrative also flowed very well. I especially liked your descriptions as they really sucked me into the scene.

The ending was my favourite part as it was very powerful and intense. I also loved the anonymity of the characters here. It brought in a different kind of feel to the story. The beginning of each segment with the ages was also a nice touch. It kept the flow of the story going and gave us a small glimpse into the characters' life.

I didn't see any grammar errors, and I don't have any CC to give you. This was very beautifully written and I enjoyed it immensely. Great job!!

10/10
--AD
(AditiDraco95)

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Review #2, by TheHeirOfSlytherin 1

8th March 2014:
For Blackout Bingo.

Hey!

I love the ambiguity in this. At first I wondered who they could be, in the general sense, just to know names, but as I continued reading I was glad not to know. It made it feel less personal but more real, you know? Like, this is war and it's cruel and unneeded and anyone can get caught in it. So, I liked that.

I love that a Slytherin was fighting for the Light. We can't assume we're all bad. :P

I gather her... mother? She was under the Imperius curse? Because of the 'you that's not you' lines and the glassy eyes. That's so sad, to kill your own child and not have the control.

This was an amazing one-shot. I really enjoyed reading it.

Sam.

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Review #3, by randomwriter 1

7th March 2014:
Hey Lo! :) (That never gets old!)
I'm here for the blackout battle.

Your story was just mind-blowing. I can't believe you wrote this in such a short span of time. The plot is really intriguing and I was drawn in from the second I started reading it. I loved the element of mystery that you manged to preserve throughout your story.

Another thing that struck me was how well you used the flow and structure of your writing to complement your plot. The way you carried forward your story through your writing was excellent.

I thought that the way you wrote this in ages was a clever idea. It shows the depth of their relationship and traces its development. It;s clear that they shared a strong bond that went beyond most things. Yet, in the end, in a bitter twist of irony, she ends up having to defend herself from the person who had promised to protect her forever. How cruel, yet powerful.

The way you ended the one-shot ("You said you would always protect me, but in the end you were the one I needed protection from.") was genius. There was so much depth in there and you also managed to pack a lot of unspoken moments in that. (For example, breach of trust, discord, loss of a close relationship, heartbreak, etc). I also love the quote you used.

The only issue (well, it isn't really an issue, honestly) I had was that we never really found out who the main characters were, and while I enjoyed the way in which you manged to to with the reader's mind throughout, I wish I could have known in the end. It made me quite curious. My money is on it being a mother-daughter relationship, but I'd probably have to read it again to see if there are some clues.

All in all, I thought this was a very good read, and I am very glad to have gotten the chance to read it :) Good work, Lo.

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Review #4, by TidalDragon 1

7th March 2014:
Howdy!

I found your story to be powerful. The structure worked really well in terms of using snapshots of escalating protection and self-sacrifice before culminating in the ultimate contrast with the protector turning cold-blooded killer. The care you took to cultivate a believable life, relationships, and emotions in a few snapshots of your nameless main character was also very effective.

I also thought leaving the reworked Sartre quote to the bitter end was an excellent choice. Sometimes I like to see quotes at the beginning, but I think for your story it made so much more of an impact coming at the end. I kept wanting to know as I read, speculating in mind, especially after the Dark Mark part about what known character your main character really was and the quote drove home even further the impact of the people's identities never being revealed.

The only thing I could possibly nitpick would be a few word choices here and there, but it's not worth it. Your story was short, impactful, and awesome.

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Review #5, by HEG 1

7th March 2014:
This is really good!!

I really love the description that you've put in, it really has a good effect on the story. I absolutely love the way that you've written it in second person. It's weird: I've never read a second person story before and then in one day I've read two! :)
The second person is very effective and... emotionally. You've done a good job as its quite hard to write in.

Sorry if this is just me but are you supposed to know who's speaking? If you were I probably just missed it. I mean I know they are in Slytherin but nothing else. At the start, I sort of thought it was Lily but.

Anyway this was an amazing story. I like it.

HEG :)

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Review #6, by love_is_magic_ 1

7th March 2014:
I love the way you open this story. The description is lovely and you can automatically tell where the character is coming from and feel their pain. The first bit is just beautiful.

Awww this is gonna be a Snily isn't it?

Oh wait, she has dark hair... maybe not! Hmmm I can't wait to see where this is going!

Green and silver blanket, eh? Alright, so she's a Slytherin! More clues! (P.S. wow, Christy. Of course she's a Slytherin. That's what the prompt for the story was *slaps self on forehead*) Also, yes, I do realise I could probably easily find out who this story is about by just going back and reading the pairings... but I've come this far; it feels like cheating! Forgive my weirdness! On another note, this is amazing so far :D I love it!

This is just too adorable! I love the scene of him comforting her after her nightmare. Slowly, however, I am coming to realise that this story's gonna end with him not being able to protect her. Is he going to die?! Was that dream foreshadowing his life's end?!

Wow, this poor girl has had a pretty traumatic life... being attacked on her way to the common room! Was that gang-leader Tom Riddle?! Totally speculating now. But... maybe! The mystery boy/protector has a dark mark!! Plot twist!!!

Okayyy, so it's Hogwarts Era! I got there in the end :D Is it Pansy?! Is the boy Draco?! So many questions!!!

Okay, so I never figured it out. They must be OCs *heads back to story page to check* Yupp, OCs! At least they weren't some super obvious canon characters that I was just dumb for not figuring out!

Wow, so the ending was just unbelievably powerful. I really can't describe it, but you do an amazing job of making me feel her pain. You also do a great job overall of portraying Slytherin in a new light, which it really needs.

Overall, great job! I really enjoyed this. The description was spot on, as was the flow of events and just... just everything!

I loved it :D

Christy

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Review #7, by ScarletEye158 1

6th March 2014:
Hey there, fellow team mate! I'm here for the Blackout Battle :)

This was honestly probably one of the best one-shots that I've ever read. I can't believe how fast you wrote this and still were able to make it so amazing! And the fact that I found nothing nothing grammatically wrong or spelled wrong is awesome too! I would've been scrambling to write this and would've had so many typos! :P

I really liked how you didn't give a name to this character or her mother and left them as an unknown characters. It left the reader with some imagination and kept us wondering more about them both.

I also really liked just the whole way this story flowed. Getting to see her at different ages and grow so much in one short chapter was pretty awesome! Even though we really didn't know who she was, you got to connect with her and feel sympathy towards her.

I also really liked how you showed that she was a loyal member to Hogwarts and not just Slytherin. Not all of the Slytherins were bad people, and it was nice reading a story where she got to break away from the stereotype. You can be a loyal member of Slytherin and not be bad, and I don't think a lot of people realized it, especially during Harry's Era!

My heart broke when I realized it was her mother who had turned against her. I can't even imagine the betrayal she must have felt. I really loved the relationship that they had at the beginning and throughout the story and it just makes me so sad to see that her mother changed for the worst and did the unthinkable to her daughter :(

Anyways, I really really loved this story! I'm so glad you were able to write it for Gryffindor's Blackout Battle and that I was able to read and review it!

-Amanda

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Review #8, by Rumpelstiltskin 1

6th March 2014:
Hey Lo! I'm here!

This was fantastic! I loved the structure, moving through the main character's ages (when I was three, when I was seven, when I was fifteen, and when i was seventeen). That really showed the extent of the relationship that ties into that fabulous last line: " You said you would always protect me, but in the end you were the one I needed protection from."

This was just really awesome, Lo! It revealed the non-cliche Slytherin side of some things ;)! I feel like my House gets a bad reputation at times, so I'm really glad that you wrote this. It gave me all sorts of feels!

I loved the main character, standing up for what they believed in, despite that most of the people she grew up with were going to be against her. That's a very difficult situation to be in.

Anyway, wonderful job!

-Rumpel

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Review #9, by MissesWeasley123 1

6th March 2014:
Hey! Here for the blackout bingo ♥ I think you're amazing for being able to write this so quickly hun!

I've never really thought you weren't talented -- I know you're brilliant at writing, because everything I've read of yours is mesmerizing. That being said, I've heard you wrote this in a very short amount of time, and I applaud you for that!

I liked how this story was told in "ages". It was very clever. every age was important and showed how the character's life changed throughout the years, because of Voldemort.

The fact that she was nameless was great. She could represent anyone during that time. That was great and frighteningly beautiful as well.

Excellent writing! I haven't left a proper review in weeks, so I'm sorry for the shortness of the review! You did great though girl!

Nadia ♥

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Review #10, by Lululuna 1

6th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, this was amazing! I'm very impressed at how you pulled it together so quickly - the story feels very complete and circular, in a way, and you wrote it beautifully. Throughout the story I was so curious about who the girl could be, but I really like how you left it a mystery, and how she could almost be anybody. The idea of the Slytherins leaving the school because they didn't want to face their parents is so poignant and very true, and I love how that came through here.

The repetition of the line "I will always protect you" was a really beautiful way of tying the story in together. How that protection ranges from soothing her daughter's wounds to becoming a Death Eater to keep her safe.

I also liked how the story got darker as it wore on. There were some really tense and terrifying moments where I felt quite upset - in a good way, because that's what great writing does. Even though we don't know her name, the girl's pain and fear is so tangible and it spreads through to the reader.

The scene with the boys at Hogwarts was horrifying, it truly was. And how the mother joined up... gah, the pieces fit together really well with canon, but it makes my heart hurt. The terrible irony of the mother killing her own daughter at the end and the turning of the protection phrase - rip my heart out, why don't you?

And the eyes that were the same as mine stared back at me, but the difference was unnerving. This whole scene was really nuanced and well written, especially with how the hints were very subtle that the woman was either under the Imperius curse or changed so that she didn't recognize her own daughter. I loved the contrasts and differences between them.

This was a wonderfully written story and I loved it. Well done! :D ♥

Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Blackout Battle Round 2

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Review #11, by ShadowRose 1

6th March 2014:
Hello! I'm here for the Blackout Battle!

Okay, wow. This is so intense and dramatic - I'm in awe that you wrote this so quickly for the competition. It definitely reads like a story that required quite a bit of planning. I like the style you've taken on here, focusing on different critical points in this girl's life, all building up to the ending. I adore the repetition of "I will always protect you," with the ending of the piece showing the exact opposite of that. It definitely emphasises the heartwrenching irony of the situation.

I really like the anonymity of this piece - the main character and her protector (who I'm assuming is her mother) are never directly named or elaborated on as far as characteristics, which I think goes great with the quote - "it's the unknown who die." I think you have emphasised their defining traits - the girl's trust and her defiance against the "evil" stereotype of Slytherin and the mother's desire to do anything to protect her child - quite well, which makes them really poignant as character, since we really only see the once side of them.

Gosh, that was such a powerful ending. I knew once the mother took the Dark Mark that things would end grimly, but that was definitely an unexpected twist that tore at my heartstrings. I can't quite decide if the mother's under the Imperius curse or not, but regardless, I think the detail about it being "you but not really you" was great, and kind of carried over the girl's trust - I mean, even though she's watching her mother kill her, she still almost refuses to believe it.

Overall, this story was beautiful and heartbreaking in all the best ways, and I'm so happy I got the chance to read it!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)

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Review #12, by anythingcouldhappen 1

6th March 2014:
Hi! Reviewing this for Blackout Bingo!

Wow...I am so impressed that you wrote this so quickly for Bingo! Because this is a beautiful one-shot! It's so well-written and interesting and moving. I think that the way you wrote it--as little snapshots at different ages--was so effective. The moments you provided all managed to build up the character very quickly, despite the length of the story. At the end, I felt so horrible for the girl. As for the mother, I wonder if she'll ever know it was her who killed her daughter :(

I think it was also wonderful to have her remain and fight. It really makes the point that not all Slytherins are evil (like it was too often portrayed in the books). Oh, and the quote you used--I love it. Stories like this make me so sad, because it makes you remember that for every number in a death toll, there is a whole life story and so much lost.

Great job! I'm so glad I got a chance to read and review this!

Sam

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Review #13, by TheGirlOnFire 1

6th March 2014:
Hello,

First things first. Well done *claps*. Well done for writing this in such a short time period. This was just wow. I don't understand how something so well written could be written in such little time. You, my friend, have a gift.

The first person narrative with the main character telling us the most important parts of her life, was very well crafted and structured. I found myself sympathising with her and her life. The motif of her mother "always protecting her" was touching. It shows the relationship between mother and daughter without showing more than what you needed to show.

(Okay I'm going to stop gushing now) lastly, what I found moat enjoyable about this story was the realism in it. (Well as real as fan fiction can get). This could have happened on Canon to one of the slytherin characters, as shown several times with Canon the so-called 'bad guys' aren't the actual 'bad guys. The real bad guys are the ones you think will protect you. (Peter and in this case her mother).

Well done for writing a well thought out story in such little time.

- TheGirlOnFire

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Review #14, by nott theodore 1

6th March 2014:
Hi Lo! I'm here reviewing for Round Two of the Blackout Bingo - thanks for volunteering to write this for us in Round One!

I'm actually kind of in awe that you managed to write something this poignant and brilliant in such a short time. To be honest, it's hard to know what to say after reading such a powerful piece, and I don't actually think that I've read anything like this before. Your idea for writing about a Slytherin was far more original than anything I could ever have come up with in the time! I really, really enjoyed this and it was so moving and poignant.

I liked the characterisation of the girl(? I'm assuming here) in this story, because you crafted her character well, and the use of the first person narrative really made me feel like I knew her intimately. Focusing on all the sad events in her life helped to make me feel more sympathy for her too, because nothing really good seemed to happen. She was so young and had lost a lot of people.

The progression through the ages was done really effectively. It felt like it flowed well and didn't seem rushed to me, but I think you spent the right amount of time giving us the detail we needed to get to know the characters. I also loved your use of description here, and the way that you didn't explicitly state she was a Slytherin immediately, using the colours of the blanket to tell us instead.

I love that you didn't give her a name, as well. It's quite sad in a way, but I feel that you've also created a character who can represent all the nameless victims that we don't know in the war, even more so because of how tragic her end was.

I really hope her mother was under the Imperius Curse! I tend to think so, purely because of the description of her glassy eyes, and because from the earlier information it would seem strange if she had willingly hurt her daughter. But it's really, really tragic that something like this happened - that the person she had always trusted to protect her was the one person she couldn't trust, in the end. So sad. And a really great example of the way that war hurts everyone and tears families apart.

Great job with this, Lo!

Sian :)

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Review #15, by Maelody 1

2nd March 2014:
Please tell me that I understand that her mother was imperialized? That would be awful if it she wasn't!

Oh my goodness, I'm still trying to calm down! This story... I'm speechless! The age progression was just effortlessly readable. You've done such a great job. Her being a toddler, to her being in the dungeons right before her death. That quote in the end though about killed me. This story is just an epitome of beautiful. Is it sad I'm attracted to things like this and call them beautiful? ;)

The blackmail. Her mother must have been pretty important, but the unknown characters throughout it all is what makes this best. They're unknown. There are fighters we did not know in that war. There are characters who died that we did not know in that war. This, as I'm sure was your point, proved exactly that.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering in real life, who died today. Why did they die? Why did they have to die? And I get a little teary-eyed over it. This sort of brings those thoughts to the Potter world, and now I sort of curse you because I'm wondering about all of those poor, poor students, and why so many people were Death Eaters. My mind will never be at ease now! haha :)

Seriously, this was so captivating, and so wonderfully written. I've never seen anything like this, and this was a great introduction to more stories like this to come! I'm so glad the Gryffie /Snake battle brought me here! Job well done, you excellent writer you ;).

~Mae

3/10 Leaving a review on a Gryffindor author's story Slyterhin vs. Gryffindor bingo blackout

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Review #16, by Cannons 1

1st March 2014:
Hi,

wow! How have you written this so quickly when it's so amazing. I'm in awe :o

This was so sad though, reminds me that not all Slytherin's are bad and that it's easy to tar them all with the same brush.

Well done again for completing this so quickly, it really is such a high standard.

Cannons (harrypotterlover1)

Author's Response: Hello!

Oh well, I didn't really write it, it kind of wrote itself. :P

I know. Not all Slytherins are bad!! Thank you so much for this amazing review! This made me smile so much!

Lo:)


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Review #17, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing 1

1st March 2014:
Hi Lo!

So first, thank you for doing this you amazing girl! And second wow! I can't believe how amazing this is and how quickly you've done it! I'm completely blown away.

I love how you take us through the stages of this girls life, all awful moments I must add. The things she went through, but through it all this protector is their for her, comforting her and it kind of made me feel better. Although these horrible things were happening, she had someone. Was it her mother? I got the feeling it was but there was a few moments I doubted myself.

When she took the dark mark for her the mood of the story quickly changed and I wasn't sure you where you were going to take it. Wow though. Talk about powerful ending! That last paragraph left me in shock! Amazing twist though, I loved it!

I really loved this line: "When I did I began to search for air, unsatisfied with what was filling my lungs." I thought it was fantastic!

Well done on an amazing one-shot and a fantastic entry into the review battle! Go Gryffindor!

Lauren :)

Gryffie V Slytherin review battle: Story with no reviews 1 of 5

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